The city of Burbank was sweating secrets, and somewhere beneath the flicker of a dying neon sign, IMHO: The Podcast's Darby Lynn Cartwright & Alexis Bevels were cooking up a scheme with Katya’s name written all over it. Their plan was simple, dirty, and dressed in bad lighting: remove Katya from the equation and slide into The Bald and the Beautiful like two dames with alibis and microphones. Trixie, alone in the studio, never saw the plot curling through the room like cigarette smoke in a c...
May 12, 2026•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 266
In today's class, myriad topics of interest and erudition will be covered, but first we shall crack open Miss Act's Rules of Grace and Refinement Vol. 1 , beginning with the phrase, “Are you keen?” The word 'keen' derives its romantic force from the ancient adjective meaning 'eager' or 'interested'. By the twentieth century, however, especially in colloquial British vernacular, “keen on” had become an informal shorthand for affection and/or erotic preference, thereby avoiding the vulgarity and b...
May 05, 2026•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 265
Ladies and gentlemen, as we taxi to the gate we'd like to thank you for choosing Bald Airlines, where every seat is first class and includes botox, estate planning, legally-binding mortuary consultation, a yacht sommelier, and a complimentary Fabergé pelvic floor egg. Please take a moment to check your overhead bins for any personal belongings, and don't forget to take your live harpist with you as you deplane. On behalf of all of us here at Bald Airlines, we hope you’ll avoid the humiliation of...
Apr 28, 2026•56 min•Ep. 264
According to the newly-published Schaal-Zamo Compendium of Physiological Sex Stuff, "Bricked" (or "Briqued" as it is colloquially known for females) is a coordinated bio-psycho-physiologic process involving cognition, limbic activation, involuntary nervous response, and extremely localized arousal of genital tissues, primarily with, but not limited to, the Pee Pee and the Vee Vee. In males, nitric oxide is released within the corpora cavernosa, causing smooth muscle relaxation, increased arteria...
Apr 21, 2026•1 hr 14 min
Premiering this Summer off off off Broadway, it's "Bobby & the Ice Queens"! From a fired usher at "Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark" comes the glitter-drenched fever dream no sane theater critic saw coming: a disco-soaked, high-kicking spectacle about Robert Khennady Jr., a wealthy socialite from a famous family by day, a debaucherous nose-candy-sniffing creature by night! Bobby tears through the 70s and 80s in the first act with a blizzard of Studio 54 chaos, toilet-seat-snorting bedlam, and e...
Apr 14, 2026•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 262
Dearest esteemed leadership of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. We respectfully and fervently request the honor of serving as presenters for the Lead Actress category during the primetime telecast of the 2027 Emmy Awards: roles for which we have physically, cosmetically, and emotionally been preparing for our entire lives. Given the extraordinary performances from Lisa Kudrow in The Comeback and Jean Smart in Hacks , we can scarcely imagine a greater privilege than to stand ...
Apr 07, 2026•56 min•Ep. 261
What you are about to hear is the absolute apex of what humanity has frequently referred to as "joy." The following sixty-ish minutes of audio and video are a glorious, overflowing symphony of happiness so immense it almost seems too dazzling for this earthly plane. It is delight at its most majestic and uncontained, brimming with an ecstatic brightness that will make every corner of your spirit feel lit from within with the glow of sparkling merriment. This episode is the very essence of glee i...
Mar 31, 2026•50 min•Ep. 260
Ms. Trixie Mattel and Ms. Katya Zamo kindly request the distinguished honor of your presence at their most magnificent nuptial celebration, where the theme shall be "Baroque Techno Jurassic Gothic Cyborg Barbie Vampire." It will be held at the abandoned Hawthorne Plaza Mall in Hawthorne, CA, where the decor shall scream "gilded ruin of Baroque splendor where pink-hued creatures of the night have mated with cyborgs in orgiastic bliss." Guests are respectfully encouraged to appear in formal attire...
Mar 24, 2026•1 hr•Ep. 259
If you thought oatmeal recipes couldn't be sensual, you'd be dead wrong. Dim the lights, burn that bergamot arousal candle from your cousin's bachelorette party, and bring 1 cup of steel-cut oats to a slow, smoldering simmer in 4 cups of creamy, luscious whole milk. Add just a pinch of sea salt, and let the ingredients relax into a luscious, velvet-thick porridge so opulent it's no wonder this recipe won the World Porridge Making Championship. Once you achieve the ideal level of viscosity, stir ...
Mar 17, 2026•56 min•Ep. 258
Welcome back to another motherflocking, cockadoodle, son-of-a-biscuit episode of The Bald and the Beautiful, where our dolls yap their pretty little ash-offs about fame, folly, and every half-baked batshirt thought that ricochets around in their glamorous skull caverns. Listen as every ding-dang topic gets dragged through the glittery mud by two world-class gobshites armed with surgically-hilarious horseshirt opinions that make you think, "Holy shiitake mushroom she has a point." It is a full-th...
Mar 10, 2026•48 min•Ep. 257
You are cordially invited to attend a most distinguished yet eminently fake wake in honor of Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova, the undisputed queens of chaos, podcasts, and mirth. We shall convene in a chapel that smells faintly of Red Bull, stale makeup, and air conditioner refrigerant. Guests will enjoy a program of refined absurdities including a dramatic reading of Whitney Houston's 2001 BET Awards acceptance speech, a panel discussion on Taco Bell entitled, "Beans, Cheese, and Consequ...
Mar 03, 2026•54 min•Ep. 256
I am the ring that no laurels adorn, A puckered little star at the edge of the form. No medals are pinned to my tireless skin, Yet I toil and labor each day, all from within. Through tempests of spice and fast food you regret, The burdens the rest of the body forgets. I clench through trials both noble and dire, An unsung sentinel forged in fire. But even the steadfast may weary and ache, May whisper, “Dear world, give me one gentle break”. A balm, a rest, a moment of grace, For I too am part of...
Feb 24, 2026•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 255
In the majestic kingdom of sleep where the heavens are transformed into a silken washhouse of torrential storms, the clouds are wrung dry by invisible hands while heinous blonde flamingos are carried off to a prison of unimaginable cruelty. As flocks of braying geese vanish and reappear as if by magic, I open my body into impossible splits and liquid arcs of dance so resplendent that the very air seems to blush at my elegance. Out of the ether appears Ana De Armas, her tender hand taking mine as...
Feb 17, 2026•53 min•Ep. 254
Wake up and put on your nicest wiglet, Deborah! The sun is shining and it's time to head on down to The Bald & The Breakfast , Weho's newest morning hotspot where Trixie and Katya are slinging eggs, flipping griddles, and brioch-ing the eff out of French Toast! Sink your teeth into our signature dishes: cinnamon-glazed Benedict CumberBuns, Morning Wood-Smoked Turkey Sausage, and Katya's famous Maple Butter-covered Call Me By Your Toast! Need a jolt of caffeine? Our coffee is hot, strong, and...
Feb 10, 2026•51 min•Ep. 253
Dear Dr. Whiffenschtuppel, I write to you this day to express my deepest gratitude for changing my life. Long ago, I remember staring at my banana on the kitchen counter, bruised and drooping with despair; a perfect reflection of my life before Bocox. Every day felt soft, sad, and permanently past its prime. I meandered through my days burdened with shame and grief, wondering how something once so full of potential and promise could end up so utterly limp and forgotten; pushed to the back of the...
Feb 03, 2026•51 min•Ep. 252
This week's episode is presented by Hollywood's premier foot feminization service, "From Hooves to Haute." With our patented treatment derived from centuries of Icelandic foot worship, our clinicians will transform your neglected feet from beige, flaky oatmeal buckets with fossilized Fritos for toenails into the epitome of luminous symmetry. We'll erase that eye-watering aroma of gangrene at low-tide and replace it with that of dried French lavender on a windowsill during Summer in Aix-en-Proven...
Jan 27, 2026•57 min•Ep. 251
Our beloved listeners and wayward souls, we write to you from the glittery halls of memory, where two hundred and fifty episodes now flutter like sequined gowns on a brightly-lit stage of times past. Our hearts are heavy with laughter, saturated with love, and perfumed by a joyous feeling so thick you could spread it like Marmite on toast. Each episode was a bejeweled hour of gossip and grace, where movie reviews unfurled like velvet curtains in a grand cinema of the mind, and our voices learned...
Jan 20, 2026•50 min•Ep. 250
Dearest Katya. It is I, Silas P. Hoofman, the ghost of the antelope who currently hangs in a perpetual state of taxidermy above your bed. From my velveted perch upon this ignoble wall, I address you with a heart still pulsing with spectral ire, my musk perfumed with the rot of remembrance. In the hush of our shared candlelit hours, I have vowed that my whispers from beyond shall coil about your dreams like ivy, tightening with a lover’s patience until your waking thoughts are haunted with my nam...
Jan 13, 2026•58 min•Ep. 249
’Twas 12 days after Christmas, when we gathered in the valley, To record a podcast and reflect on our holiday glee. We had dashed through L.A., to a glittering A-List soirée, To eat pizza and sliders at Charlize Theron’s chalet. Trixie ran into Paul Feig, a multi-Emmy nominee, But congratulated him, instead, on a bit part from the 90s. Such awkwardness made her hungry, so she eyed the pizza pie, But Sofia Vergara blocked the way, and she couldn't get by. Instead of battling the gorgeousness, she...
Jan 06, 2026•53 min•Ep. 248
On a balmy Los Angeles New Year’s Eve, as the city chimed with hope and regret, the Podcast Ghost of 2025 came gliding through the lamplit air to visit Trixie and Katya, its countenance stitched of hours spent listening to the pod in the netherworld. Awakened from their slumber, it showed them hours upon hours squandered on movie reviews and anecdotes and puns that curdled into cacophonic comedy, yet also tender moments of kindness and humanity. With solemn cheer it bade them look upon the comin...
Dec 30, 2025•55 min•Ep. 247
On a mild Los Angeles night as Christmas bells rang out into the darkness like gentle couture thunder, fashion model, curator, writer, musician, and actor, Daphne Guinness, descended into the velveteen ether of The Bald and the Beautiful podcast studio, a gothic angel wrapped in mystery and myth. Together they summoned a yuletide séance of aristocracy and absurdity, a baroque nativity of wigs and wit. 'Twas a Christmas miracle where the holidays were reborn in gloss, glimmer, and divine pop exce...
Dec 23, 2025•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 246
Today, as our fingers gently brushed the record button and we engaged in a long and thorough microphone check, we adjusted the levels for several minutes, thus ensuring the room was warm and ready and inviting us to continue. We settled into a steady rhythm, exploring the acoustics until we eventually found the mythical sweet spot, taking our time and allowing the tension to build as the red light blinked, letting us know we were on the right path to podcast ecstasy. Instead of rushing headfirst...
Dec 16, 2025•52 min•Ep. 245
Official Statement from the esteemed Lushious H. Massacr IV, Esq.: In a moment unprecedented in the annals of human cooperation, the international drag community proudly proclaims the dawn of lasting global concord, achieved through the harmonious power of the Astounding Portal of Unity: The Booty Hole. Let this precious orifice inspire nations to transcend petty grievances and embrace collective purpose and tolerance. The world now stands as a unified polity, fortified by a shared commitment to...
Dec 09, 2025•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 244
Get ready, America, because the new dance craze "Cream Nation" is sweeping the country faster than a soda fountain jerk slinging banana splits! From hip teenagers at the malt shop to squares cutting loose on the living room floor, everybody is jumping, jiving, and creaming their way into this sensational new dance! All you have to do is sway, shimmy, and jerk it like you’re stirring up the sweetest sundae ever served! And then, just when you think you're going to burst, keep going until everyone...
Dec 02, 2025•42 min•Ep. 243
The dolls are joined by the prodigious patisserie of elegance and razor-sharp wit, the incomparable Kim Chi! Miss Chi who would like you know that public libraries stand as luminous beacons of civic generosity, offering complimentary tootsie rolls that taste like tiny victories of the working class as these huddled masses check out CDs to be burned into their iPod Classics, empowering each and every one of them to cultivate a personal soundtrack without groveling to the dark forces of capitalism...
Nov 25, 2025•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 242
Observational Cinematic Compulsion Disorder, or OCCD, is a common behavioral condition characterized by involuntary ocular fixation on a neighbor's in-flight audiovisual LCD display, even in the absence of accompanying auditory stimuli. Patients with OCCD exhibit vastly impaired concentration filtration, resulting in reflexive visual tracking of narrative cinematic sequences presented on adjacent personal screens during commercial air travel. The disorder is frequently associated with heightened...
Nov 18, 2025•54 min•Ep. 241
Attention aspiring disc technicians! At Trixie’s Greater Milwaukee Center for Turntable Excellence, you’ll receive comprehensive instruction in cross-fader voltage modulation, cue-point bias alignment, and real-time pitch control using state-of-the-art Technics SL-1200MK2 direct-drive turntables. You’ll learn to dissect, equalize, and live-sequence Chappell Roan and Nicki Minaj masters through reel-sync processors and VU-calibrated mixboards as part of our harmonic phase-lock and tempo-code corr...
Nov 11, 2025•49 min•Ep. 240
Do you dream of living a life of romance, success, and not being a social disgrace as you awkwardly tap at your keyboard like a Dickensian ghost? With 3 easy payments of $99.99, you can be the proud owner of the year's hottest CD-ROM from Katya Zamo's Shift Happens Typing School . You’ll go from 7 pathetic words per minute to a blistering 80+ WPM because if you don't, you will perish loveless and alone, clutching your dial-up modem like a tragic relic. Watch in awe as our pixelated virtual tutor...
Nov 04, 2025•50 min
In the twilight hush of a Burbank podcast studio, Trixie finds herself opposite the immortal Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: the legendary Cassandra Peterson! Upon the mist of their delightfully macabre conversation lays her infernal grimoire, "Elvira’s Cookbook from Hell", its pages reeking of brimstone and buttercream, whispering festive recipes that seem to writhe with unholy hunger. Through grins both wicked and weary, they discuss such varied topics as Joan Rivers' languid bemusements regardi...
Oct 28, 2025•40 min•Ep. 238
Friends, fans, and fellow seekers of the sublime; it is I, Trixie Mattel. Lend me your trembling hearts, for the hour of All Hallows' Eve draws nigh, and with it, my home shall rise from shadowed mediocrity into gothic immortality. Upon my modest parcel of earth shall stand a citadel of candlelight and cobweb, a mausoleum of wonder where even the moon itself will pause to admire its own reflection. Let it be known, from the ocean to the valley, that I do not merely decorate. I consecrate, conjur...
Oct 21, 2025•58 min•Ep. 237
