You are listening to episode 168 of The Autism Mom Coach: The Meltdown Action Plan.
Hello everyone, and welcome to the podcast. I am so glad you are here, and I hope you are doing well this week.
I am so excited to share with you something I have been creating just for you for the last couple of months.
This is a new free resource called The Meltdown Action Plan.
Now, why I created this is because I talk about meltdowns all the time with my clients, and one of the biggest issues that I find when clients first come to me is that they say:
"I have no idea what to do during a meltdown. I either freeze or I overreact."
And I totally get it, because I was the same way.
Every meltdown felt like a surprise. It felt like something that came out of nowhere. It felt like something that should not be happening, and I was always reacting from that place—so I was already behind in that sense.
When you're believing that the thing that's happening in front of you should not be happening, it makes it a lot harder to respond effectively. And to be sure, I was not responding effectively—I was reacting and overreacting.
And there's only so long you can stay in a cycle that's not working before you step back and say:
There's got to be a better way.
I cannot tell you how many times I heard myself yell at my son to calm down.
Yelling at someone who is dysregulated to calm down didn’t work for him—and it certainly didn’t work for me.
What I realized after years of trying to prevent meltdowns—and then years of thinking that they shouldn’t be happening anymore because my son was a certain age—is that I was making this a lot harder on myself than it needed to be.
The way I was making that harder was just by resisting the fact that meltdowns are part of autism.
I think I used to see this as a way of giving up or throwing in the towel—to say that meltdowns are just part of autism was to allow them, to let them be, to think that it’s okay for someone to be yelling or hitting or screaming.
And that’s not what I’m saying at all.
The fact is: dysregulation is part of being a human—but it’s certainly part of being a person with autism.
Our children, because of their autism, struggle in certain areas—specifically executive functioning, frustration tolerance, sensory sensitivities, impulsivity, communication issues.
All of those things make our children more vulnerable to having meltdowns in the first place and make it more difficult for them to regulate themselves once the meltdown has begun.
So with that understanding and acceptance—that meltdowns are part of autism—I shifted from the view that they should always be prevented from happening in the first place...
to learning how to prepare for them in a way where I could respond more effectively.
To potentially divert the meltdown in the early stages, or at the very least, not escalate the meltdown by my reaction and overreaction.
I wanted something that was very structured, very clear, and very visual—to keep bringing me back to what I wanted to be doing versus what I actually was doing.
And so that is the origin of my MAP Method.
MAP stands for Meltdown Action Plan, and it has three parts—because I believe that the best way to deal with dysregulation and meltdowns is to have a robust plan.
So that is what I have for you this week—a new resource that you can download right now.
It’s called The Autism Mom’s Meltdown Action Plan.
Phase One: Meltdown Preparation
You're accepting that a meltdown could happen. Dysregulation is normal. You're normalizing meltdowns as something that is possible—not something to dread.
When we are coming at it from this point of view, we are in a much better, much more empowered position to make really good decisions ahead of time.
And one of those things is to understand for yourself what your default reactions are when you sense that a meltdown is coming on, so that you can learn how to regulate yourself ahead of time.
Phase Two: Action — What to Do During a Meltdown
And that includes what to do and what not to do.
Because what I know from my own experience—and I see it in my clients all the time—is that our instinct when we are triggered and when we see that our child is melting down is to jump in, to fix it, to do more and more.
And in reality, all of those things that we do to try to fix it are actually some of the very things that pour the fuel on the fire.
So we want to be very specific about the things that we are going to do, and the things that we are not going to do, while the meltdown is going on.
Phase Three: Post-Meltdown Recovery
And this is so important.
I hear this from parents all the time—where it's post-meltdown, their child is fine, living their best life, and the parent is shell-shocked.
Which is why it’s really important for you to take the time—after the meltdown has happened—to recover on your own.
When you combine all of these phases, you’ll be more prepared for meltdowns because:
You’re not resisting them in the first place—because we’re normalizing them as something that is part of the autism parenting experience.
And you will know exactly what to do and what not to do.
So instead of freezing, instead of telling yourself that this shouldn’t be happening, you can take action—based on the plan you’ve created for yourself when you are feeling safe, calm, and regulated.
Alright everyone—to get your free Meltdown Action Plan, go to the show notes and click on the link.
In this free resource, I talk about:
What a meltdown is and what it isn't
Why meltdowns feel so intense for you and your child
The three phases of a meltdown action plan
Real-life samples of meltdown action plans from my clients
And worksheets so you can create your own meltdown action plan
If you want my 1-on-1 support creating your own meltdown action plan—and learning the tools and the skills that will transform your autism parenting experience from frozen and afraid to calm and confident—this is your opportunity to work with me.
Go to the show notes right now and schedule your consultation.
Alright everyone—have a great week, and I will talk to you next.