First of all, you earn rapports just like trust right. So rapport is not about the pithy saying or the immediate one liner. Oh now, all of a sudden, we're great friends. Rapport is about your ability to show that you're credible and you're reliable and you're genuinely likable.
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Hello and welcome to the Audible Ready Sales Podcast. I'm Rachel klapt Miller. Thanks for listening today, and today I am joined by our own Brian Walsh.
Hi. Brian, Hi, Rachel.
So today we are going to talk about building rapport and we all know we need to do it, but what does that mean? So we're going to try to give you some tangible ways to build rapport with your prospects and your customers. I've talked to Brian a lot about this topic. He's kind of a master at building report and typically can boil it down to some great, great tips. So Brian, let's dive in. Now that I've set you up for success.
I'm sure everybody listening who knows me would agree with what you just said.
No, you're good at that and helping us have the right mindset when you start to engage somebody as a salesperson in a business conversation, those initial impressions, the initial conversations are critical. And I know we've talked a lot about this before, but for our new listeners, what is your mindset going into those initial conversations.
Well, I thought about it before we got on the call today to record this, and I thought, you know, it's been a while, let me go back. So I opened up my handed handy dictionary and I was reminded of what rapport really is, and I think that might be interesting place to start. It was, and the definition that I wrote down was it's an understanding of each other's feelings or ideas and the ability to communicate those to each other. Well, and what I realized was not
in the definition was the word friendship. So what I was reminded of was rapport is about mutual respect. Now in the end, if we develop great rapport, you and I both know there's a high likelihood we're going to become friends. But I think in the selling and the business conversation context, it was a good reminder of what rapport really is meant to be. It's about mutual respect.
Yeah. I like that phrasing. It reminds me my husband always tells me, like when we've bought a car or we're go into something, He's like, Rachel, these people are not your friends.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well it's funny. I had a young man stop at the front door recently, and he had his company logo and literally a pest control company. And I opened the door. Sometimes I just don't even bother it open the door. But I opened the door and immediately he says, oh, oh, well, I'm sure I'm talking
to the king of the castle. And I immediately wanted to close the door to face, and you know a couple of other pithy little one liners like that, And I think the thing to remember is rapport is about, first of all, you earn report just like trust, right, So rapport is not about the pithy saying or the immediate one liner. Oh now, all of a sudden, we're great friends. Rapport is about your ability to show that you're credible and you're reliable and you're genuinely likable as
a person from the moment you enter. So I think there's a couple of things that I always go back to that I've remembered. One is, and I learned this from our friends at OURSA a number of years ago. I thought it was a great thing that they taught their people three minutes and three things. Oh right, we learned three things about someone in three minutes before you
go into a meeting. Now, it doesn't mean you're going to use them all, and you know, it doesn't mean, oh we both went to the same college, I'm going to throw that on the table when we first meet. But I got those things the back of my head as connection points that I can use in an appropriate fashion. There's one another thing that I've always remembered that I learned from Scott Rudy, who we met when he was
at Peycourt. Thank you, I thought, Scott and Scott to this day, and I haven't talked to Scott in a while, but Scott's to this day I know still does this. When ever, Scott sends you an email, the first line of that email will be something that's personal between you and him that he still remembers, and you know it's again. You can tell it's genuine because it's it's an always thing when he does it. It's authentic. It's not some
crazy pull through or anything like that. And then I think, the last thing that I always remember, and I'm not saying this is when everybody else should, but this is the one that's always worked for me, was I remember reading a book back in the nineties called Non Manipulative Selling by a guy named Tony Alessandra. I still remember it. The book itself was, but there was a chapter in the book about what he called the platinum rule, and
I never forgot it. When I first meet somebody, I try to figure out where they fit on two scales pretty quickly. How direct is this person and how open are they? Are they really open or are they more self contained? Are they really direct or are they more indirect? And if I can figure that out pretty quickly, I can get a sense of how you view the world, and then I can meet your style where you are, because asking you to meet my style is crazy. Ay, you don't know it be you're the customer, not me,
and it's not meant to be. You know. He talks about this. There's a really really great read. You can even find it on YouTube. You can look up the Platinum Rule, and it's like a forty five minute speech he gives and he talks about this idea that hey, be genuine, but meet the person where they are. Right. Over time you'll probably mesh a little bit of both of your personalities. But when you first meet somebody, meet them where they are. Make it easier for them to
communicate with you. Meet their style. If someone isn't really open and you are, just you just got to pull back a little bit, that's all. Don't overwhelm them with that waterfall of personality that you might have for example. Right. So, those are two or three things that I either examples
or things that I try to keep in mind. But when it's all said and down, for me, personally, building rapport is about me showing up with some genuine content that's valuable and showing up with some genuine concern for who you and your organization are. That comes across in how you show up and how you present yourself in the meeting. You know, or in the conversation. So there's my first four and a half minute monologue. That's good.
Those are all good tangible things that we can put into practice today. Communication is a two way straight, right. It's about what you say, but it's also what you hear and how you listen. And we have a lot of content around the importance of listening. We all know how you say it, right, true, right.
I was just on what we call an awareness webinar for a group of marketers and other folks in one of our clients, and we're just making them aware of the work we've done. And we were having this very conversation and as I said to them, well, somebody in those the group put in the chat as they were going through this with us. His kind of was, boy, it sure feels like this is as much about how you speak with clients versus what you say. And I said,
you nailed it. People will remember how you made them feel, but they're not always going to remember what you said. That's a really good reminder for us that it's the how I make you feel, not just in one interaction, but in multiple interactions over time. That is what you're really going to remember. Not everything I told.
You, right, And part of how you make somebody feel is your ability to listen to what they are saying. They want to feel like they are being heard, So that's also a great step to building rapport. Brian, what do you do to make sure that you listen?
Well, okay, a couple things. I turn everything else off. I have to. I've got this mind that jumps left right up in me too mine, and so I do everything I can to shut down every other distraction. Right now, I have a Golden retriever who can't decide if she wants to go in er out, and that's distracting me a little bit, right, you just you got to do everything you can to turn those off. So the phone is on do not disturb, right. All of the apps
on my laptop are closed. Right now, I write, and whether I'm on a zoom meeting, Like if I'm on a Zoom meeting, I'm holding up my little notebook and writing it and so the person sees that I'm writing, or if I'm in front of the client, I'm writing. You know, I know we have AI assistants and I love them. Like some of those AI downloads I get from zoom and stuff are terrific. But writing helps me stay in the moment. It proves that I'm listening. It helps me remember.
You know, it's been proven that writing things as you're hearing them remember all of that. But then the other thing I do, Rachel is I constantly try to find a way to ask a follow up question based on what I just heard. I think that is the best piece of advice I can give people. When you ask a customer question and you hear them say something, force yourself to ask a follow up question based on what they just said, not the next question on your list. Right, That's the best thing I can think of.
That's the art of conversation. Yeah, those AI summaries are great, and oh yeah they've saved me a lot post conversation, but it's hard to use that in the moment, right, Like you have to listen to the person so you can respond and use that for it.
Now to that point, those who know are methodologies for example, commanded the message have c and IFS worked with me, know that I have a point of view on if I'm having a conversation with you. I'm keeping track of three distinct things in my notes I'm keeping track of the concept of collective before scenarios and negative consequences, right, challenges, I'm keeping track of the concept of collective after scenarios and positive business outcomes, and I'm keeping track of the
collective content around required capabilities and metrics. That way, it's really easy for me instead of taking notes in linear fashion, that's real easy for me to play back what I'm hearing at any given time. Challenges, outcomes, required capabilities.
Yeah, it's a great tip. Lots of stuff here for us. This is going to be a good AI summary because a lot of tips here the conversation.
You should probably take it and print it out and see and then catch it to the problem list.
I want to talk a little bit about storytelling because a lot of people talk about storytelling. It's definitely an asset when you're trying to build rapport. We know that. I'm curious of how you view stories, case studies, those types of things experience with other customers, and how do you use them in conversation. Are you deliberate about it? Do you just kind of throw them out when it's there strikes you like? How do you view stories in your conversations?
Yes? So a couple of things. I think as a seller in the selling motion, when you're newer in role, whatever role that might be, you've got to know the stories that you want to use, and you've got to have them in your hip pocket and be somewhat deliberate as to win them where you're going to use. But just like and I think this is a good tie into the concept of improv improvisation right from an improv perspective. Once you get good, the stories just start to come.
That doesn't come without a lot of intentionality on the front end of this for some period of time. I do think there's a couple of things to keep in mind. One is, when you tell the story, you got to make sure you're telling the story in short order, don't turn it into a five minute long road to nowhere. Two, you got to make sure you're getting to the points of the story that matter for the person you're telling
it to. So, for example, you know, when we talk about proof points, we talk about the customer's challenges are enabling solution and then the customer's outcomes. There are times when the enabling solution doesn't matter, especially like early in the sales cycle. It's more about what are the challenges we've helped other customers sink through, and what are the outcomes we've seen them achieve. The fact that you're telling that story already signals to the customer that you had
an enabling solution. There comes a point where bopping in the enabling solution makes more sense. But think, really through who am I telling you the story to? What do they need to hear? What do I need them to get out of it? It's not about me talking about me. So there's that that I do think. There's also the ability or the reminder that as you're telling a story and I've done this, We've all I'm sure most of
us have. I know I've done it. I've done it in talking to customers, I've done it and talking to clients where you start to tell a story and halfway through the story, there's this little voice of your head going why am I telling the story? You know you're talking, but at the same time, there's that voice in your head going where are you going with this?
Land the plane?
Yeah? Huh yeah, So you really have to be intentional about why am I telling you this story in this moment and what's what's the real objective I'm trying to get across here.
Yeah, I like that, to have an objective with a story. I think you mentioned too at the top, assessing a person whether there are super directs like how they view the world. And it's also pretty apparent early on in those conversations, even if you're doing your best to build rappoor, if you have somebody who is resisting you, who's not on board, how do you handle that skepticism or resistance in it conversation? What strategies do you use to build
rapport with those? For lack of a better shurm, prickly folks, Yeah.
Yeah, great, Well there's a lot here in unpacked. Let me try to do this quickly. One is you got to ask yourself, am I dealing with a skeptic or a cynic? And you've heard me talk about this before. Skeptics can be converted, Cynics cannot. Now I'm not saying you can always figure that out in one conversation, but that is something in the back of my head. Is this person up for this but they're just skeptical for whatever the reasons are? Or is this a cynic who's
never going to change? So that's one thing constantly got in mind. Here's the other thing I think we have to become very comfortable with, which is because remember, a skeptic can be converted through action. A skeptic is a skeptic for the right reasons. Skeptics want to make sure that the things they're doing, the time they're spending is worth it won't change. So I think in either way, in either case, it's okay to try to get this
out on the table. And here's one example of that, one example that I'm truly a believer in, is you have to have a very strong point of view on a couple of topics. One is one of the problems the business issues we solve. Two is who are the other people in an organization like the one I'm talking to that are going to be involved in these conversations over time? And I love that example. And here's why.
When I think I'm in front of a skeptic or a cynic, and by the way, I'm doing this, whether i think I'm in front of a skeptic or cynic or not, but if I'm in front of one of these folks and I'm trying to figure out what they are, I'm going to get to the Listen, Rachel, when we're talking to someone like you, a cheap marketing officer inside of an organization, about what we do for a living
and where we're relevant. These are the other five or six titles in your organization or other parts of the company that are going to be in part to this and helping you answer three big questions. Why should we do something like this now, who should we do it with? And how do we make it successful? Here's why those people should see you and I and here's why you should take me at the appropriate times. Who is missing?
So I'm giving a point of view and then I'm asking you a question, right, And the reason I'm doing that is I'm as much as I'm trying to educate you and make sure that you know that I already know because I'm in these conversations six times a day with different clients, I'm also trying to figure out who are you. Are you somebody that's up for this, are you somebody that's going to try to resist this at
every turn, or are you somewhere in the middle. So I think the way to handle the prickly personality is to have a point of view on something that's important in your process. For example, who are all the players and how do we make sure they're engaged and their voices get heart so that you're not asking that question and giving them another chance to keep you at bay. But you're putting on the table effect that I've already got expertise, so we're not going to play that game
of oh, who's involved? I already know, and I'm using that as a way to validate, Well, who are you? Are you up for this? Are you not? Are you kind of squeamish? Are you ready to charge? Like? I think the way to handle the prickly personality is to have a point of view that matters, put it on the table and force them to tell you you're wrong.
That's great. I mean building rapport is a lot easier with people who are open to what you have to say, a little bit more difficult when you're dealing with a skeptic.
Right, So, what are we really doing. We're qualifying the person as much as we're qualifying the opportunity. And I think the other thing is building report is a hell of a lot easier when you have some credible information and some people would say, you know the guts to put it on the table. I'll say it differently, the preparation to put it on the table, because guts, like guts are meaningless if you're stupid. You know, bravery is not running ahead first into the battle without any preparation.
So the idea is show up with a point of view that's well thought out and valid and brings credibility and some sort of true value, and you'll you'll find out very quickly is this someone worth trying to build report with?
Yeah? I like it. Wrap us up with a final thought here, Brian, that was a pretty good one, But I know, I'm sure you have like a broader take away.
For a word, report is not equal friendship. Rapport equals mutual respect.
That's it.
Now. It might lead to friendship, which is great, but in the end, it's mutual respect because in the end, every customer will revert back to their natural resting state when they're going to make a decision. So as good of friends as we are, if that's not what matters to you most, which more often than not is the case, you're going to revert back to your natural resting state in terms of how you make the decision. So it's the rapport and the mutual respect that we have for
one another. That matters first.
Brian Welsh, thank you, Mike Bleiser, right, and thank you to all of you for listening to the Audible Ready Sales podcast.
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