18/05/2026

You're listening to Monday's episode of The Archers from BBC Radio 4.

Dad, how you doing? Fine, fine, but I'm just on my way out.

I was I was supposed to be taking a look at this uh this famous horse box Chelsea was gonna show me round.

She's not here, so you've had a wasted trip.

Yeah, I didn't see that she messaged me to come. Apparently she got a last minute job.

Okay. Well, as I said, I'm just on my way out, so I'm supposed to be taking Granddad for a walk, but he's taken ages to get ready. Grandad!

You come, eh? All right, all right. Keep your air on.

Oh, 10. Alright birds.

You ready, grandad?

No?

I hear you're going for a walk, Bert. Yeah.

It's part of his new get fit regime.

All right, go.

What my idea. We know.

So uh what's it involved this uh this new regime?

Exercise, vegetables, and vaping.

Vaping.

Instead of cigarettes.

This is Susan and Tracy interfering with my life in ways that infringe my human rights.

Hardly, grandad.

When you get to my age, haven't you earned the right to do exactly what you want?

Look, I'm meant to be revising.

Revoy's dead.

But Mum wants me to take you out, so can we go?

Why don't we all go? Walk round city or spot.

No, no, Den, that's too far for me.

No it's not.

It's a good idea, gives us like a destination to strive for.

I don't want to test today.

Plus, it's on Susan's designated list of walls.

I hate Susan's designated list of walls.

Oh come on, Bert, mate, don't you want to see what they've done with Chelsea's horse bots? I've heard it's really smart.

Sorry, Carol. Apparently I wasn't supposed to leave the cake, did you?

That's alright. That's alright.

Have you got something you can transfer the rest of it into?

Oh yes, of course I do. Oh you will have to bear with me though.

There's no rush. So how did you get on at the Laurels yesterday?

Oh um w well yes yes well.

Were you impressed?

I um I thought the grounds were lovely.

Oh they are. They are. All those roses. Fantastic. And the rooms, the staff? You must have been a little bit impressed by them too.

Well, um uh I didn't actually go inside the building.

Sorry.

I can't lie to you, Leonard, but

Alright.

I promised Joel I'd have a look, and I did.

Okay. Right.

Well, as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water Leonard, but you can't make him drink.

People don't usually describe themselves as the horse though, Karol.

Well, I'm very self aware, you see.

What did Anna say when you said you weren't going in?

Well naturally she wasn't too chuffed.

Oh I bet she wasn't.

Here you go, here's your cake tin. Or Jill's cake tin. Oh, and give her my love, will you?

Okay, yes, and...

Well the truth, I suppose.

It's brilliant I think it's it's it's brilliant.

It does look smart, does it?

Yeah.

I'm glad I've had a look. I am, but I really don't think you should make me walk this far again.

Bandad, come on, it's good for you.

I need to sit down.

I think you've all done a lovely job on it.

We don't know where I'm gonna walk back, you know. That's knackered me.

Yeah.

Well, just you know, just rest for a bit.

There's no rush, is there?

Uh yeah, yeah, it's been way more expensive than Chelsea was imagining.

Well she'll have to put her prices up then, won't she? You've got to be canny about these things.

Clive seems to be doing all right these days, he said.

How how is Clive?

Yeah, it's as good as gold.

Good as gold.

Clive.

Yeah, he's a different man these days. Yeah, he's a different man. Yeah, I feel quite proud of Clyde these days, to be honest.

That's good, that's great.

Really turn things around.

That's wonderful.

Продолжение следует...

Yeah, yeah, people can change.

Yeah, but can they? Actually.

I mean I really believe that. Don't you?

I think sometimes it's just too late.

How are you?

Yeah fine fine.

Uh really?

Well, you know, just not enough hours in the day. And then you know the church is falling down. First we had this ceiling incident, now we got this crack bell.

neil told me about that

We can't ring them until we get them all checked by the foundry. I mean you can't ring a crack bell, can you? My goodness knows where the money's gonna come from. Anyway, never mind. What are you up to?

Oh, I um I just popped a cattle.

Oh, everything all right with her?

I mean, you know, Carol.

I do.

She's the definition of intransigent. Yes. Poor Anna's tearing her hair out. Carroll wasn't wearing a blooming pendant alarm again today, but I didn't say anything, because I already mentioned it yesterday and it didn't go well.

do you want me

No, no, no, don't worry. It sounds like you've got enough on your plate already.

No, well, i i it only takes five minutes to call him, doesn't it?

I mean I do think she's more likely to listen to you than me.

I doubt that.

No, but you're a man of the cloth. I'm just an interloper. Jill's toy boy.

Jules Toy Boy. Yes, of course. Sorry. Yes.

But the problem is she doesn't take me seriously. Carol, I mean, not Jill. If you do call in the I think Anna would feel better if Carol agreed to have a camera installed in the hallway, because the stairs are one of the biggest liabilities.

Okay.

So if you could persuade Carol that this was a good idea Well, that would be something.

Well I will try, Leonard. I will try my best.

Oh, I'm worn out now. I'm completely shattered. Oh well you don't.

You don't have to do anything much for the rest of the day now, do you?

Rest of the week with a better look.

What's going on in here?

Oh th are you Tracy?

Hello love.

What are you doing here?

Well we we just uh just went for a bit of a walk, didn't we, Bert?

Brad's make it as a cup of tea.

How are you, Tracy?

Yeah, fine, fine.

Yeah.

Suppose congratulations are in order on the wedding.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks. Ta very much.

Never thought I'd see the day, to be honest.

Well just'cause you didn't want me trace, doesn't mean no one else does.

of another woman's treasure.

There's that saying one man's rubbish is another man's treasure.

Are you saying I'm rubbish?

Rubbish to Tracy, weren't you?

Yeah.

That's true. He was. You were.

Well, look, y yeah, yeah, I I I did let you down, Tracy. I know that. And I'm sorry.

Tea with two sugars for Dad and no sugar for you, I'm afraid, granddad.

Oh I hate this. I hate this.

He can't have sugar in his teeth.

What's your human rights got to do with it?

A man should be able to choose whether he has sugar in his tea.

I have to agree with you there, but

Oh, do you? Do you really?

Sorry, I'm I'm not trying to stir it. Stir it.

What shall I do?

Get me some sugar, please.

No.

No,'cause apparently I'm not allowed. Oh for goodness.

Get him some sugar, Brad. Just get it. Okay. To shut him up.

Oh, that's noise. That's lovely. Also, Brad, custard creams from the cupboard? Ugh.

I feel like a Jane Austen character this afternoon. Really? Well I've had a series of gentlemen callers. Oh First Leonard, now you

Just the two then.

Well there may be more later. You never know your luck. No, let me just move these magazines on the settings.

No no no don't worry.

No, Anna has been nagging me that I just have too much stuff everywhere. So I'm trying to have a bit of a sort out, but of course then I started reading all the interesting articles. There you go.

Ouch!

Steady, steady.

That was close.

No, it's alright. It's all right.

I know, I know. I was right there.

Oh, if you hadn't caught me Oh I can oh saw myself, you know, just going, going, gone. Uh I just I saw myself uh lying on the floor, you know, like um Like a like a crime scene. No, look you you must not tell anyone. You really mustn't now. Promise.

Uh perhaps I should just move this rug.

Joanna wanted to move it the other day, you know, she said it was a trip, has it? Basically she wanted to get rid of it altogether.

Right.

Oh no, wait. If if we move it now, she'll she will guess something's up, so no maybe maybe we should leave her.

Carol, you do realise that Anna is on your side, don't you?

Well now that's only sometimes true you can't rely on a Uh she brought one round the other day, but I didn't want it fitted. I didn't like the idea of it. I still don't like the idea of it, but It might be better than being incarcerated in the laurels.

Oh whenever I go I think how nice the laurels is not.

You start. All right. I won't object to having that camera fitted if you swear not to tell anyone that I nearly fell over.

It's nice seeing you anyway, Tracy.

Yeah, okay. Listen. Yeah.

Do you think Brad would be up for an afternoon off this Wednesday, after his exam? Mm.

I dunno. I doubt it, but you'll have to ask him.

I was thinking, if he's done his exam in the morning, he could maybe afford to take the rest of the day off, couldn't he?

I suppose he could, but why would he want to spend that precious time with you, then?

That's fair. That's fair and I know he's not.

Understandably.

But I've got an idea, see. Something that he might really enjoy doing.

Ask him and say.

Okay.

Yeah, I will.

I I'll just check I can make it happen first. Don't want to make any promises I can't deliver on.

Heaven forbid I

Tracy Tracy, I'm really trying.

It's just too little too late.

Well I hope it's not actually too late.

Look.

You can do what you want because the kids are adults and they can make their own decisions. But I don't want you just dropping in any time you feel like it.

It wasn't. I wasn't. I I was meant to be seeing Chelsea.

I don't want you hanging round here like you're a member of the family'cause you know what?

Well I am. On Brad's family. And and Chelsea, of course.

Yeah, and it's a pity you couldn't have remembered that about twenty years ago.

But I want to make up for lost time. Well, I don't know. I I suppose it Well, my life's a bit more together now and I'm I'm in the right headspace. I am.

Listen, right.

I'm listening

You hurt them, either one of my kids.

My kids too. I'm not gonna hurt any

I'm telling you now, I will not forgive you ever. You hear me? Yes. Good.