This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about the Marriage Quadrants by looking at the dynamics in Quadrant Two. This kind of marriage often revolves around pursuing success and keeping up appearances, but there is a world of loneliness and contempt beneath the surface. And that inner world needs to be addressed. For a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categories, look for this episode on our blog at theallendercenter.org.
May 06, 2017•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about the Marriage Quadrants, a theoretical framework of marriage that informs how he engages and works with couples. Dan talks about marriages in Quadrant One, which are often marked by comfort and safety but lack desire and authenticity. As pastors, therapists, and friends, what does it look like for us to engage this kind of couple—and their children—with courage and integrity? And for a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categori...
Apr 29, 2017•21 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender launches a new series exploring the theoretical framework of marriage that informs how he engages and works with couples. Dan sets the stage for this series by talking about these "Marriage Quadrants" as a system of sorting and classifying patterns and structures that are highly intricate and complex. While no sorting system is all-encompassing, Dan believes that these categories offer clarity and direction about what it looks like to engage marriages of all types. Fo...
Apr 22, 2017•23 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, continue their discussion about the painful journey of grieving the death of a parent—a conversation sparked by their own experience of processing the death of Dan's mother just a few weeks ago. Dan and Becky discuss the love, care, and support they have received from others in times of grief, inviting us to consider how we might be present in the lifes of friends or loved ones who endure significant loss.
Apr 15, 2017•24 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, talk about the painful journey of grieving the death of a parent. This conversation was sparked by their own experiences of grief after Dan's mother passed away just a few weeks ago. Dan and Becky reflect on the intersections between grief and honor, the beauty of close, trusted others inviting us to remembrance and forgiveness, and the ways in which even this experience can point us toward the goodness of God in the land of the living....
Apr 08, 2017•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development & Admissions, conclude our series about the realities of spiritual warfare by talking about what it actually looks like for us to engage in warfare. A holistic understanding of spiritual warfare is about more than prayer alone, inviting us join others in community as we care for our bodies, participate in rituals, grieve deeply, wrestle with our stories, and bring our entire, embodied selves into the o...
Apr 01, 2017•23 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development & Admissions, continue our series about the realities of spiritual warfare by talking about the crucial intersections between spiritual warfare and the story work that we facilitate at The Allender Center. Through deep, meaningful engagement of our stories of harm, we prepare our hearts to grapple with spiritual warfare in a way that brings kindness, compassion, and, ultimately, the freedom that can on...
Mar 25, 2017•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development & Admissions, continue our series about the realities of spiritual warfare. This is a big, complex topic, so in this episode we take a look at some of the triggers and resistance people might feel when they hear the term "spiritual warfare." While there are valid issues and questions to consider, we believe this category is crucial to the work we do here at The Allender Center and the ongoing work of r...
Mar 18, 2017•23 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development & Admissions, to launch a new series about the realities of spiritual warfare. This is a huge, complex topic, so Dan and Rachael start by laying out some of the core assumptions that guide them in this conversation. These assumptions include the belief that evil exists, that it seeks to harm us, and that we are not alone.
Mar 11, 2017•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues wrestling with the category of ambivalence—particularly the ambivalence many of us feel about engaging the messy, hard work of pursuing healing and restoration for our stories of trauma and abuse. After launching our new Healing the Wounded Heart online course, we have heard many stories of ambivalence from individuals who want to pursue healing but are also aware of the cost of engaging their deepest wounds. Dan invites us to name that ambivalence, to bless...
Mar 04, 2017•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender wrestles with the category of ambivalence: that feeling of being stuck that comes when we find ourselves moving in two different directions without actually moving at all. We see this ambivalence whenever we launch a new offering, like the Healing the Wounded Heart online course, as people wrestle with the reality that the movement toward restoration will lead them first through stories of heartache and harm. Dan invites us to consider how we might engage that ambival...
Feb 25, 2017•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues his conversation with Jeanette White, Program Director at The Allender Center, about grief and loss in the wake of miscarriages and infertility. Dan and Jeanette are joined again by their partners, Becky Allender and Campbell White, to talk about how they have learned and grown in the years since these experiences. What we find is that, even decades and decades later, it is never too late to process our stories in the hope of healing. This is a vital and vul...
Feb 18, 2017•24 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues the conversation with Jeanette White, Program Director here at The Allender Center, about the devastating grief and loss that comes with miscarriages and infertility. Dan and Jeanette are joined by their partners, Becky Allender and Campbell White, to talk about the pain of shared heartache in marriage. This is a vital and vulnerable conversation, and we are so grateful to Jeanette, Campbell, and Becky for joining Dan to share their experiences with all of u...
Feb 11, 2017•24 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a conversation with Jeanette White, Program Director here at The Allender Center, about the realities of grief and loss, particularly in the context of the devastation of miscarriages and infertility. Jeanette vulnerably shares about her war with hope and desire in the midst of such tremendous pain.
Feb 04, 2017•23 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Jeanette White, Program Director here at The Allender Center to talk about the realities of grief and loss, particularly in the context of the devastation of miscarriages and infertility. Jeanette shares bravely and vulnerably from her own experiences with miscarriage, and she and Dan launch a conversation that we plan to continue over the next few weeks.
Jan 28, 2017•22 min
This week, in honor of their 40th wedding anniversary, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife Becky reflect together on the last four decades of learning and growing as individuals and as a couple. Since part of honoring the Sabbath means marking the passage of time and celebrating significant milestones, Dan and Becky invite us to consider how we engage the past, present, and future with intentionality and care.
Jan 21, 2017•21 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife Becky talk about the nature of Sabbath and the challenges of developing rhythms of rest and play that point us toward the coming kingdom of God. What does it look like to intentionally set aside time to tend to goodness, glory, and delight in our lives?
Jan 14, 2017•21 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender invites us to consider how to step into a new year with curiosity, intentionality, and faithfulness. Dan recorded this episode from a hospital waiting room on Christmas day: a difficult circumstance, but one that allows a unique perspective about what it means to ask what God has in store for us in the coming months.
Jan 07, 2017•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender invites us to look back at 2016 and reflect on everything the year has held: both the highs and lows, the glory and the heartache. After offering a few categories to guide us in this reflection, Dan shares from his own process of looking at the themes of this past year, wondering how particular moments and experiences shape the person he is becoming.
Dec 31, 2016•23 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, conclude our Advent series by reflecting on the act of celebration. How does anticipating the coming of Jesus equip us to celebrate the scandalous nature of Christmas with deep, life-changing joy? And from all of us at The Allender Center and The Seattle School, a very merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.
Dec 24, 2016•23 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his wife Becky to continue our Advent series by reflecting on the theme of welcoming. Dan and Becky discuss the kind of playful, unexpected, profound acts of welcoming that the coming of Christ invites us into.
Dec 17, 2016•23 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Dr. Chelle Stearns, Associate Professor of Theology at The Seattle School, to continue our series on Advent by discussing the theme of preparation. Looking at the life of John the Baptist, Dan and Chelle invite us to consider what it means to prepare for our Lord's arrival.
Dec 10, 2016•23 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Dr. Angela Parker, Assistant Professor of Biblical Studies at The Seattle School, to welcome the Advent season and reflect on the theme of anticipation. Dan and Angela wrestle with what it means to anticipate the arrival of the Messiah who promises to invert our systems of power and restore everything that is broken.
Dec 03, 2016•23 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, to reflect on their experience of Thanksgiving and explore the nature of gratitude. Dan and Becky identify the comparison, entitlement, and envy that kill gratitude, inviting all of us to a posture of thankfulness that acknowledges our dependence on and love for each other.
Nov 26, 2016•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender concludes a conversation with his friend and colleague Dr. Heather Mirous about how trauma and abuse affect our physical health and embodied reality. Heather, a psychologist and contributor to Healing the Wounded Heart, shares about her journey toward hope and the beautiful experience of seeing restoration physically embodied in her life.
Nov 19, 2016•20 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a conversation with his friend and colleague Dr. Heather Mirous about how trauma and abuse affect our physical health and embodied reality. Heather, a psychologist and contributor to Healing the Wounded Heart, shares what she has learned about the physiological effects of trauma and the ways our bodies cope with fragmentation, dysregulation, and deterioration.
Nov 12, 2016•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his friend and colleague Dr. Heather Mirous to launch a three-part conversation about how trauma and abuse affect our physical health and embodied reality. Heather, a psychologist and contributor to Healing the Wounded Heart , shares vulnerably from her own story of finally uncovering the connections between her ongoing physical suffering and her experiences of trauma.
Nov 05, 2016•22 min
As we gathered listener feedback about the first 100 episodes of the Allender Center Podcast, one of the questions that stood out was about how we respond to dissociation in our relationships. So this week, Dan is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, to talk about how they have experienced the effects of dissociation in their marriage, ultimately choosing connection over isolation.
Oct 29, 2016•23 min
Last week marked our 100th episode, so this week we're taking a moment to look back, reflect, and celebrate. Dr. Dan Allender talks about how this podcast has evolved, some of his favorite parts of working on it, and where he hopes to go in the next 100 episodes. From all of us at The Allender Center, thank you for listening and for joining us on this journey.
Oct 22, 2016•22 min
This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about what a therapist looks for in a client. Dan reflects on the categories of openness, trust, and the willingness to remain in the work of therapy even when it is messy and difficult. Though we will never find the perfect therapist or the perfect client, Dan says there are few things sweeter or holier than two people willing to engage therapy with curiosity, humility, and integrity.
Oct 15, 2016•22 min
