Relationships and Your Soul Purpose
There is a lot of really good information out there about the spiritual nature of relationships. People are coming to realize we make contracts with others prior to embodied life to guarantee connections for a variety of reasons. It is becoming clearer how people use relationships as a means to learn lessons about themselves, others, and how to interact within a complex world. The notion of karma and the desire to finish unfinished business is also finally rising to the level of general knowledge as is information about soulmates, soul groups, and past life connections which influence how we connect with each other.
All of which makes relationships more understandable while at the same time making things more confusing. Having no choices may be frustrating, but having too many options or too much to choose from can make things impossible to sort out. So, having all these additional reasons for why we're with this person or that can make things seem impossibly complicated.
To add to the problem, all this information is presented as one size fits all or as scientific principals which can be replicated in and out of the lab. So any deep intimate spiritual connection between two people must mean they are soul mates, but only if the relationship is great. If for some reason it is not so good then it is karmic and the souls are working off a debt to each other. If the relationship is or goes bad, but neither is willing to end things. then it must be because there are lessons to learn in the ordeal. Once the lesson is learned things will get better. If we feel close to friends or family they must be from our soul group and if we can't figure out the connection or attraction we have towards someone it absolutely must be from some past life.
Like most things touted as one size fits all, they usually don't --- or don't in any way which is flattering for the majority of humanity. Also, human beings tend to find exceptions to any set of rules on a regular basis. For example, there is not one language we've developed which is completely regular and maintains no exceptions, variations, or oddities in it.
In order to manifest the type of relationship you deserve or to work on one you already have it is helpful to understand more fully the nature of souls and what purpose they have for relating in embodied life.
Most information about souls and relationships comes from a perspective that we are here to learn lessons, which is true. This planet is an educational space. It can be helpful to think of it like a school full of teens and pre-teens.
This is a more advanced world, so very young souls and those who have never embodied before aren't interested in nor are they capable of embodying here. Human beings are very complex lifeforms just to inhabit on their own merits. Add to this the lessons which are provided here concerning individuality, consequences for actions, the natures of both love and fear, as well as interconnection at the personal level with specific individuals and you've got an education system which is not for the faint of heart.
However, it is important to note, like any school, we don't just throw students into the building, lock the door for 50-80 years, then let the students out and hope they learned something useful.
In any school there are staff on hand to teach, to manage, to support when things go wrong, to intervene when things go sideways and to take advantage of the teachable moment. These aren't people in remote locations Skyping in for a quick visit, either. They are boots on the ground being in each moment with the students in order to guide and support them all along the way. Each staff member is a human being in their own right who has their own perspectives, experiences, insights and skill set. Each one makes mistakes, learns from life on a daily basis and has bad as well as good days.
Therefore, it is worth noting some souls embody, not to learn lessons for their own soul's growth, but to be in service. These are mature souls which have graduated from learning lessons about themselves or embodiment for the purpose of their own becoming. They have learned a career or developed an ability which, among other things, can be helpful for souls embodying here in order to learn. These souls choose to embody in order to spend time helping others, anchoring positive energy into the world, and lighting a path for others to follow.
Lesson Learner
For Lesson Learners, relationships, in general, are constructed to either support the soul while they are learning lessons in other aspects of life or are themselves the lesson. If a soul is in the process of learning roles and responsibilities within a social group such as how to be a father/grandfather/patriarch then it is not unusual for them to be embodying with their soul group, all of whom are learning similar lessons. Everyone plays a role for everyone else and the process is made easier because all the souls know each other intimately already. The level of deep connection achieved can potentially reduce the negative impacts of embodied life and make it easier to more fully explore the role and all the possibilities it affords.
If the soul is learning about moving out of roles within the soul group and into exploring new connections, then pre-arranged contracts are often used to help guide the soul towards the types of relationships which will help them move forward without the usual social safety net. Having a deep connection with an intimate partner makes exploring a world full of new connections less frightening and potentially more fulfilling.
Pre-arranged contracts are also used when the soul desires to learn things through relationships. Once a soul has matured to the point where they need to learn to differentiate themselves from the will and desire of others it is common to seek out difficult relationships to facilitate the process. This can be accomplished through one long relationship or a series of shorter ones. Either way, once the lesson is learned the soul no longer needs these types of connections and will discontinue manifesting them.
Then there are Deep Connection relationships
It is not uncommon for souls going through a learning process without their soul group to desire a deep connection, soulmate or twin flame. This is in part because we remember the ease of having soul group members as partners and also because this type of learning can be so deeply painful and frighteningly transformational. While in reality the only way out of these lessons is through, the need for relief causes people to desire to have a relationship where they no longer need to struggle or fear. Soulmates are supposedly guaranteed to know and understand us, to make living easy, to be in tune with all we need and to be completely understandable on all levels.
While soulmate contracts do indeed exist, they are relatively rare. As learning from relationships is a major part of why souls embody here, having a soulmate which takes away the opportunity to learn in this respect would be counterproductive. This does not mean there aren't relationships which connect at deep soul levels, have meaning and purpose beyond this specific embodied life, or which provide a healthy and loving personal life for the people involved. We are able to create these types of connections in a variety of ways in embodied life.
One of them we've already discussed, lesson learners embodying with their soul group. It is very common in this situation for members to marry someone from their own soul group or another group which is working closely with them for the same overarching goals. Another is to connect with someone who is wanting to support the growth and lessons you're learning. I think of this as the teeter-totter style of relationship. They have equal but opposite skills, but are working in the same direction as their partner and so they balance things out. Like one partner being grounded, practical and steady while the other is dynamic, fun loving, and always in motion. Harmonized they balance each other out, not through cancellation, but encouraging each other to move, to shine, to settle and thrive.
Those in Service
For souls which come to be in service, relationships are about the work. While this planet is about learning, life is experiential, and we can't avoid learning no matter how hard we try (and some people try extraordinarily hard), souls who come here to do a job aren't looking to learn lessons about themselves.
Like lesson learners a soul going through the embodiment process will be mixing their physical expression with their soul and gifts to get just the right amount of forgetting and self-preservation characteristics along with soul level wisdom and spiritual capabilities. Beyond this, though, they will choose families who are difficult in a manner geared to bring out empathy and turn them towards the life of service they have embodied to perform. This is necessary to overcome the self-preservation provided by the body which can drown out the desires of the soul.
For a life of service, partnership is meant to do one of two things: provide a personal life separate from and supportive of their work or create a partnership which complements and fosters it. Some souls, like performers, need to put everything they are, all of their efforts out onto the stage for the recipient. This means they have little or no energy to create a home life which would nurture and nourish them. When they are single it feels as if they are constantly compromising because to stay healthy they must focus a larger percentage of their energy on themselves than they want, which leaves less for the work. In finding a nurturing partner, one who prefers to be more in the background, a nester who emanates health and is happiest when living in a stable domestic situation, the person is then able to lean further into the work.
Other souls living lives of service need to work in partnership. Like two horses pulling a wagon, they need a partner who matches them in their goals, methods, and outlook. The challenge is to be equal partners and not in competition with each other. So two lawyers do well if they work in different aspects of the law. A couple can have a yoga studio, but one teaches a different form or different aspects than the other. Or one is the business manager while the other provides the service. For such teams the relationship is part of the service they do, showing others how relationships can be fully lived and also a spiritual path.
Unfortunately, it is fairly common for those in service to suffer in relationships. The childhood which created empathy through its lacks and negativity also creates a strong need within the soul for healing through connection. They desire to manifest the love, acceptance and validation they didn't receive growing up as well as to be seen and understood. This draws in partners who have experienced similar childhood situations or have similar issues. At the same time, those in service have the need to help others. This creates a situation where lovers turn out to be clients rather than partners and the person in service is left with a string of failed relationships in which they were constantly doing all the work or suffering negative consequences. This situation on the surface looks like a Lesson Learning process, but is in fact one of healing and the need for boundaries.
Just as doctors should never treat their own families because they can't be objective, healers should not try to heal their partners. A relationship is by definition that of two equals joining together to make something new. A healer cannot be equal with a patient. Someone in service, not matter what profession, is always going to be in a position of authority concerning those they serve. Being humble is necessary, but does not negate this power dynamic.
Those in service can struggle with the notion of soul mates and deep spiritual connection as Lesson Learners do, but for different reasons. Because of their maturity, the wisdom, experience, and skills they brought with them into an embodied life, their ability to recognize the true nature of embodied beings is often magnified. It needs to be in order for them to do the work they have come to do. This can be confusing if it's assumed recognizing someone means you've lived a past life with them or having a deep connected moment with someone means you have a prearranged contract.
As souls in service can deeply connect with most of their clients as well as a great number of other people they interact with in a number of ways the ability to connect in this way doesn't necessarily carry any message, signal a need for action, or mean there is connection beyond the moment. In fact, being mature souls who do more than embody or who do not embody much at all, the people they recognize and seem to know may be souls they work with outside embodied life, those who are mentees or students, or colleagues in tangential roles.
Sorting It All Out
To figure out what this might mean for you, the first thing to do is take an inventory of your relationships. Have a tight family/community and a long-term relationship which has more good times than bad and which has helped you grow into who you are today? Then you're probably a Lesson Learner. Those in service don't usually get along with their families of origin. Working full time for the majority of your life as a healer, social worker, artist, activist with a string of marriages which were all people with unhealable needs? You're more than likely in Service.
If you're a Lesson Learner, then a string of past relationships should hold a great deal of information concerning what you are trying to learn. Setting them side by side and looking at the similarities - not as a means to figure out how you're choosing wrong, because you're not - but as a way to see what they are meant to teach you about you can help bring things into focus. Once the lesson is learned you will be changed and so who you draw to you will be different as well.
If you're in Service then setting boundaries is key. Providing service to your partner should not be the foundation for the relationship. You can't fix someone or support someone into becoming your equal. A partner should be equal from the outset and willing to participate fully in a relationship. This can be challenging for someone who identifies strongly with what they do and uses their service to create connection with others. To be in partnership means to set aside the strengths of service and be vulnerable and fully present with the partner. It requires relinquishing a level of control.
Something to keep in mind is our past lives and/or karma rarely dictate the type of relationships we'll have in an embodied life. Anything we need to work out with another soul we do between lives when communication is easiest. If we choose to work something out with another being in embodied life it will not be as a form of punishment or atonement for past deeds. Such negative concepts and practices are part of the embodied life on this planet, but not found outside it. Souls don't engage in such practices ever and would not encourage others to do so.
In each moment we are manifesting our spiritual path with each other and most importantly with ourselves. Each embodied life provides an opportunity to meet new souls, to create deep connection where none existed before, and to bring something new into being.