"Two Thousand MILFs"

Live for the Export Beer Gardens Studio which today is Polside at the Palm Pacific Resort and Funga Mattah and brought to you as always by Export Ultra, the bear for here. This is the Agenda Podcast, fourth Thursday, the twenty fourth of October, The.

Agenda Podcast, the home of Sporting Nonsense and clap Trap brought to you my nextport Ultra.

And we are coming to Poulside Lane at the pal Pacific Resort.

Because we're out on the road.

dB have charged us with scouting out some of the best beer gardens in the country.

Tough job, tough job, mate.

As we sit here baskting and the sun, it is a beautiful day. We are sitting right next to the pool. We're watching a what is.

That a dolphin? It's a dolphin. It's a dolphin at the dolphin at the pork cleaner. It's quite mesmerizing that pork cleaner.

It is.

It just goes back and forth by itself. I could watch it all day. Tennis court, lovely pool here, two spar pools which we made use of last night. But the reason we hear is as I said before, dB have charged us with going around the country and finding the best beer gardens.

Yep. We thought first Protocol Coromandel, yep.

We hit fer yeah, and then Toto and ended up in fung A Matar. I think we're headed to toad on her today, but a ragtown tomorrow.

Yep. She's a tough life, yeah she is.

So if you know of any place with a decent beer garden for us a message, send us through yours please. The first place we went to was in Younger, Yes, drove over there and checked into the Was it the Mercury Bay Fishing.

Yeah, Micury Bay Game Fishing Club Club? Which have you't been to Younger before?

Is there's a little what do you call that, a jetty dorse wolf where they weigh the big bloody marlins when they come in. I've seen one on there before. It's very very bloody, impressive, terrifying.

Also the location where they once a year they released two thousand milps.

That's right. We were.

We were told about a fishing competition that they have there for the I think it's called Ladies of the Bays something like that, and it's just a fishing competition with Yeah, as you put it, and as it was put to us, two thousand women who come and take part in a fishing comp.

The boat has to be all women.

You're allowed one man if you want to make him drive the boat for you, and you're allowed another man if you'd like to make him bait your rods for you. He is known as the Master baita. And then they have a good old fashion knees up. Afterwards, as you can imagine, they're going to be ten shed called the Blue Lagoon. And afterwards they unleash tooth. This word verbatim, this is how it's described to us. They unleashed two

When they're at the releasing of the MILFs, it's like it's going to be like they should make it into like the running of the Balls, where people come from around the world.

Yeah, I imagine it like bore it the running of the Jurm. They just turned two thousand milps loose. You made a big break last night as well. This could be this could be huge for your career. We also stopped in at the title of Paranoy Fishing Club there. Yes, yes, we were invited down by the captain Pete It every Wednesday night he gets on the barbecue there.

Yeah, like what an initiative every Wednesday meat raffles, five dollar beers, five dollar wines and a free barbecue.

How much was the meat raffle two dollars a ticket? Yeah, I bought ten tickets.

You did, didn't win anything good too, because we have You've got a history of winning meat raffles and towns that you don't live in. Yes, when you don't have any means of cooking any of the meat, storing it was storing it. And we went down for the Black Class and Titong at the start of the year and you won the meat raffle at the Mount Mount Club Mount Club there, big bloody meat rafel too.

We didn't know what to do with.

It, so we took it to one of the taco trucks at the Black Class. They cooked it all up for us and we're eating steak throughout the commentry. It was delightful, and I was like, but I felt guilty because you'd taken that meat out of the local economy. Yeah, and I thought you were about to do it to Paraui as well. But yeah, beautiful there the Captain Peter gets on the barbecue muscle fritters.

But a venison someone had brought it. Yeah, it was good. I mean it was a good time. It was a good time. It's feeling new.

Club is only four years old. Yeah, moved over from Paranoi in a base.

It over and t.

And I've got the kind of waterways they've put this kind of marina, put into the into the harbor there.

It was good. And you know, I mean live on Facebook with Peter. This could be huge. Go and look it up.

But the I've actually got it here. You don't want to see it, but I want to if you're at home, want to set it. Just look up the title of Paris Sports Fishing Club. You could see the captain Peter and Lane. The audio is pretty bad, so I won't play it for you. But he goes live on his Facebook there every Wednesday.

Yep. Yeah, and you were lucky enough this be a big break. Yeah, it's true.

Actually, I mean there was a lot of people with a lot of influence at that Toto Parwanui Fishing Club, some movers and Shakers. I met an eighty year old volunteer. He got Volunteer of the Year the year before. He goes to the club every day and I said, including Christmas Day and they said, yeah, they opened especially for me.

They come and we offered him a beer.

He said, I don't drink, and I saw him walk off with two massive rum and cokes. I see the guy selling the Yeah, the salty old sea dog, Yeah, real salty.

He I was walking out just to go and.

Film this thing out the front of the place, and he bloody chased me down the stairs. Hang, I'm mate, Captain Pete's going live on his Facebook. You don't want to stick around for that. I'll Loane will cover that. He's still out there, but yeah, what a night and beautiful, beautiful spot, beautiful view. And most of the dudes there, they'll just drive their boat there, park up, you know, get on the barbecue whatever, the actual barbecue, and then and then just cruise their boats.

Well, Captain Pete's got a sea legs, so he just drives up the ramp at Paranelli and drives home.

Wouldn't have driven on a road in years, I reckon, and he wouldn't. I don't think he should.

But yeah, what a hell of a night there and five dollar bloody six dollars out of.

Control over over the hill to funk my tar. I went to the to the Smoky Palette. Yes, last night, took part in the quiz.

Yeah. Well and actually you were hosting the quiz on board.

Yeah, I just it's an obsession of my I just grabbed the microphone started asking questions Lovely Ella who runs the quiz every Wednesday. And I was saying to her, they did they pay you? Will they pay you in a bar tab?

And they said?

She said, oh, I used to be a bar tab but I used to turn up to work so hungover. And the next day that my work said, can you not kid bab? So she gets get scarsh.

Yeah good, I can see that if if last night was anything to go by, I'm a little bit dusty else. So then you were asking a few questions, I went to go and check that the pokes were honest.

They're working. They're working. Oh god, they're working.

So if anyone's coming through fung of Matar in the next two days, I left twenty bucks in one of those poking machines for it.

Well, yeah, if you want to see pretty much whatch sums up our trap as a video on Instagram on the Instagram story of me hosting the quiz, panning around to a little slither, you can get a little slither look into the poky's room and there you are just bothering the nile, oh, slapping away, slapping away.

It was annoying too, because I was going max bits two, two dollars fifty one. Nothing got done to my last ten cents. Then I hit the feature a million spins and I won four dollars forty off ten cents. What would that have been if I'd been bidding two dollars fifty I've been a couple of Hondy It would have been a couple of Hondy mates seconding stuff. So you know how long short of that is? This twenty dollars or at least one of those pokies, I know that

So no wonder.

I woke up in my room and it was like a gas chamber. It was, oh my god, your bedroom. It was like I think it had like negative pressure because when Joe opened opened the door, it was like a gust, a foul wind was released.

It was like an air lock. Yeah, it was.

It was like wrapping open a tube of tennis balls. But the smell, the smell was a rindous. That's when we decided to have the recount and found the fifteen crafty. So I think when d you send us on the road to have a bit of a scout for summer for them, I don't know if this is what they expected us to do.

I think it's exactly what they expected to be honest, I was gonna say if they didn't expect us to do this, then anyway, that kidding themselves.

We carry on our journey today, don't we hit the tode on? It hit the tode Ono.

We get a couple of spots to check out there, and then like sit over to Hamilton, your old stomping ground, yep, yeah, and then we are off to.

Raglan and then I don't know, we'd probably better go home at some point.

Yeah. So yeah, so that's what that's what's going on with us today. That's why we won't have any yours please as well. We don't have the facilities for that kind of thing. Jeez, that sun is really beating now. It's hot, man, so hot. Not to rub it into those of you listening at home were stuck in traffic,

Oh yeah, I can smell Germany on it. Oh yeah, the smell Germany came with us to Germany. Oh my god, that son is beating down now. Let's take my jersey let's take a quick break so Lane could take his jersey off.

Quicked up in the poll and we'll come back. Talk about a sport.

So the biggest sporting news yesterday, Lane, which actually you brought to my attention, is the Chad Bows Chadwick Boseman, the Black Panther. He has scored himself the fastest double century in a List A game, which is what like first close pass cricket, Yeah, cricket on Wednesday for Canterbury against ow Targo on the Ford Trophy. That's the fifty over because I always get these ones confused, but that's

So he smash smashed it, absolutely smashed it. That's two runs a ball. Yeah, So he is scoring every ball. He's been bold, he's scored runs off.

So if he doesn't score for three balls, he's about to clear the fence. Yeah, basically and unfortunately no one dare to see it.

Yeah, was it even?

It wasn't It was filmed but with one of those one cameras at one end situation. I don't think it was actually properly covered. But chika bow wow yet on them. That's a great record to have. Yeah, great record when you when anything the fastest or the most of the most sixers, the fastest century, the fastest double century as a pretty ballsy, ballsy record to hold.

I think I was at Jade Stadium when Nathan Astall hit that two hundred.

Oh yes, yeah, I think it was Jade Stadium, Lancaster Park at that point.

Nothing more exciting than seeing and batsman get him to that motor yeap, just clearing the absolutely blasting. It's thirty two chair bows. I know he's got a couple of caps with the black Cats, but did he too? I don't think he was that old.

I know he was. That's interesting. Yeah, sneaks up on you.

The It's just so hard to break into the blacket, isn't it like doads all toil always till they're thirty, Yeah, before they ever get a sniff and then Yeah.

Speaking of which, test match starts tonight. Oh yes, second Test match from poone and once again Joe Jury looking to put his family's life in danger by putting a post up on on Instagram and Facebook of a dust bowl and a big puff of dust coming up. And I think the comment was India wouldn't produce a dust ball for this second Test, would they? And holely shit, it's like chumming the waters full filled with sharks, small bait fish.

They come from everywhere.

Oh yeah, Jesus they pilon. It's great to watch a lot of people like to get into the comments just to watch it.

What's it unfold? They are?

That was the first thing. Everybody that's asked me or talk to me about that game? How about that one? And I'm like, yeah, I just can't get that sinking feeling out of my Oh yeah, this next one.

They're not going to let it happen to us.

But you know what, Like remember that Australian series last year and they produce those horrendous wickets one in India and everyone it was obvious what they were trying to do, but at backfired in Australia won by an innings.

I remember they this lasted something.

Outrageous, like two and a half days the patch was absolute abomination.

And a man Gary is just tearing through them.

Yeah, so backfired on the Indians that one. So there is a danger, but saying that they've got far better spinners than us. So if they do produce a dust bowl, then you've got the lights of Glen Phillips and Patel. A're going to have to play out of their skin. Yeah, but it happens, though, it happens. And saying that watching Revenger play their spinners and young and attacking them getting the slog sweep going the sweep, I was like, oh yeah,

Great time for a game to kick off five o'clock Tuesday night. Yeah, jumping the spar pool fifteen CRAFTI is about it.

It's Kay Williamson's out again. Which disappointing.

But yeah, it is disappointing, but I don't feel as bad now, like with the way that Revender is betting Conway. You know, I feel a bit more, I don't know, buoyed by that than I have in years past.

I think Kam Willimson's even there.

It used to be if Cain Williamson's out, yeah fucked, Yeah, put a fork in us. That's true, actually, but I don't feel that way now.

Yeah, they'll give.

Them the That first win is going to give them some massive BBC and so yeah, I'm interested how that goes to be interesting to see if and you win the toss and bat first arrogantly.

Great piece of cricketing analysis yesterday from the two thousand Milksky. He said, John sorry, Johnny says his name. He's not the two thousand Milksker of a bnch of year ears. He was saying, Well, they've sort of done themselves in a little bit because Boomer is their best bowler, so they can't really lean into the dust bowl too much because it doesn't advantage their best bowler. And then if they do make a seema, then that plays into our hands a bit.

Yeah, I don't know that.

I fully respect Johnny's opinion, but I think Eshwyn is their best bowler rather than bom Bomber is tricky, particularly on a green seema. But I think they would have definitely got more spinning an arsenal spinners rather than pace bowlers.

You know what.

Yeah, I think that's that's there, that's their sweet spot rather than I.

I don't think they've ever produced a green seama in India. No, they don't think they can.

Rav Eshwin looks like like a manager of a company who also plays cricket on the weekends.

Yeah, it just looks like one of the higher ups.

Yeah.

He's a terrible fielder and I love watching when the ball comes to him and he swims after it. Very similar, very similar kind of their Sody dan vatory look. It's a very ungainly kind of lope and he always tries to hide himself down at fine leg Ravi Eshwin.

It does the monster mash.

But I wonder if they we wouldn't talk about it much. But the Rishian pant injury bullshit. When he they brought on their reserve fielder and he happened to be a very athletic Wiki keeper and Rishanne part not the fittest guy around.

I wouldn't say it's mobile. Look a city's injured.

And it didn't didn't keep and they brought on a keeper who was far better than him, and then he it was.

It was all weird.

It was a little bit strange, and I think it all got washed up on the fact that we won and no one really talked about it. But the rules around that I find a bit strange because betting they've gotten rid of the runner.

So they got rid of the runner.

That felt was the likes of inso arm who would go out and get a runner and then just smash it and not have to run.

You're injured.

You either stand at one end and smack the ball all retire. So and so it should be. And I almost thought there was some rule around you can't specialist. You can't have a specialist keeper, twelfth man or keeper that comes out And that might just be me making it up. DA jury's pacing.

Is good.

It seems nervous, look like we're about to get kicked off. The NBA started yesterday, which is a huge, huge day for me.

I love the NBA. Make sure we're in two pieces of NBA merch, Right, you just covered and rich and you've got your basketballans. I immediately placed the same game. Maltis immediately lost.

Yeah, and that's it for me. That's it. That's it for me on NBA. I'm out. I can't win. I've never won on NBA. It's an NBA punt.

Never, it's a focal mistress the the NBA punts because I love putting the I love putting like these eight league multis to get there. So I look at a game and I go through and I'll be like, well, Anthony Davis is definitely going to get more than ten rebounds. Lebron's going to score this many points, this guy's going to hit one three, this guy's going to get a steal. And then I have to sit there with my basically my app opened, but oh yeah, he's got that. That

I also just for the hell of it, because we're on the road with Joe Jurry, he's a massive ice hockey nude. Just for the fun of it, I put a massive multi on the ice hockey as well, and again never won on ice hockey, followed one of his, followed one of his. I missed by one. It was a seven league multi, I missed by one.

I was saying yesterday that the worst thing that never happened to me was sitting in Joe Jurry's garage one day and watching ice hockey and gambling and won hundreds of dollars off it. And I've been chasing that dragon ever since, every time he sends a multi throw or follow.

It so much so, he's so deep into his research he made you stay up till one in the morning watching ice hockey documentary.

Yeah, fell asleep on the couch last night.

I'll never find out if Coono McDavid gets to lift the bloody Stanley Cutanley Cup. So yeah, anyway, NBA kicked off yesterday, very exciting stuff. I was scrolling the newspapers this morning and I came across something that I felt like we had to address this morning on the podcast, and the headline readsky Flesh eating infection results in scrotum removal.

That's a great headline as a flesh.

Eating disease attract Brendan Murray's scrotum. He thought he was going to die Murray forty five, contracted Fournier's gangreen, a rare but deadly infection of the genitals and peruhium over just over a month ago. The Southland Times reports the bit of chafing between his legs or an ingrown here. But by the next day he was in severe pain and checked himself into Gore Hospital next more than he.

Was transferred by ambulance. Don't worry, suvice the hospital. It's got a happy ending.

And now he's spent more than thirty days in hospital. Fuck it hell, underwent nine operations in nineteen days, including the removal of his scrotum.

There's a simple message for men, go and get a check us. Blogs are our worst enemies.

You know.

We always brush it off and try to tough it out. But just go and get it done. Don't think you're a worse by going and getting yourself sorted.

So okay, what that timeline he gave in seems a bit optimistic because he said go get it checked out, blah blah blah. But by the sounds of his timeline, it was twenty four hours.

That's right, So I think he actually hit it for a while. He had it for a while.

Yeah, that's what I'm suspicious song. I mean, this is one of those headlines that just I just about fell off the couch. And the first thing I was wondering was because the headline and then it was just a photo of his face that they'd taken for the It seems like a nice guy, but I thought I probably wouldn't put my face in that.

So okay, just to go back to it as well, he seems like a very nice guy.

The earth well, the reason he's put his face onto it, and he's come up with the story because he wants people to check.

Okay, Okay, his scroton was removed.

Scroton was removed? Okay, what has he got there?

Instead? Like a like, what's he got a prosthetics scrotum? What's what's housing his balls?

Would you need? What's I presumed that the balls are gone too, wouldn't wouldn't you? You'd take your.

Balls off if you're taking because your scrotum is that just the house in which the balls are living, that's your scrot Do you tuck them up or do they just hanging free?

Does he h is he literally free balling?

Doesn't say it just says that his scroton, But it doesn't make specific reference to.

The because you'd say the scrotum and testicles were removed. Because that's right, that's the ball bag got infected. So what's how using the balls?

I just assumed they would have taken the balls out. No, because they'll turn them into a eunuch.

Yeah.

Well, I mean if that's your option again and green or eunuch. I suppose when you've got testicular cancer, they whip.

Your ball out. Yeah, I don't think anyone's going to miss it. So he's he's all tracked in no wheels. Now, I don't know, I don't know.

This is we needed to do a bit more research into this, because could you just tuck them up like when you've been in a cold pool, you know, just send them.

Oh yeah, that's true. You could send them north and just sew it up. Yeah that's but then when someone's working the balls for your in the benches.

There's no more of that. There's no more of that, And I don't think anyone to miss it the balls. Two other guests of the parper circles or just walked past work the balls.

I suppose you could. I suppose if he really wanted to. You can remove some of your spare elbow skin for a Wieners transfer, for a Wiener transplant, and create a ball bag. You know, it's like because they do do testicular implants, like if you lose a nut, they actually put a prosthetic nut in there, just so you've got the feeling of having two nuts.

I wouldn't miss them on it. They're probably the most annoying part of my body.

I've said this multiple times. I think it's a good opportunity for people if you lose a nut or both nuts, to bring a better comedy back into the bedroom because you can put some funny shaped nuts in there, like a rabbit, playboy, yeah or something, and then you can go to the pub and you can go. You wouldn't believe it, but one of my testicles is shaped like a rabbit, and they'd be like bullshit. I go, look, this may sound creepy, but you're I'm happy for you

So you can't you're just walking around a car buck squeezing your nut, trying to find your car.

So there's opportunities there for that man who's lost his scrip, just to bring some joy back. That's right, that's right, and that would raise a bit more awareness.

I've got got some prayers.

I need to go and get checked out. I've got bloody brisket stuck between my teeth. Actually went into the pharmacy and bought some.

Because they're at the Smoky Palette and they put out all their smoke delights. Oh my god, it's nightful. Yeah, certainly smelt it this morning. Beef brisket just wedged in there between the molders.

All right, let's take one more quick break and then I've got a half baked sports idea for you.

All right.

Today's half baked sports idea was actually developed yesterday in the car after the news that the Commonwealth Games are going to be shortened. They're going to have been about I think it was like eight different events I've which none of us will miss. No opportunities, well middle opportunities for us. So Seven's is gone, Squash is gone. Squash is gone, and we're a chance in both of those, So yeah, it is a little bit disappointing the Commonwealth Games.

It is starting to fizzle out a little bit. I think they.

The hardest part about it is it's basically just Ossie's cleaning up swimming medals and that's pretty much all it is because the Americans aren't there, the Russians aren't there, Chinese, Chinese aren't there, so it's just Ossie's just flexing.

That's why they've picked it up and I'm going to host it.

I know they're the one that ditched it that it was going to be in Victoria and then they DIDNA too expensive and it's been picked up picked up again by Glasgow, so it's happening back in Glasgow and they're only using four venues and everyone's staying in hotels now.

Obviously, the half bake sports idea that I've talked about before on the show is the solution fight Island. You have one place where all of the events are, but if we're going to go in this direction where we shrink it down. This is something we have talked briefly on the podcast about before. But today's half baked sports idea is boil the Commonwealth Games and the Olympics down to just eight core events and I've got them written down here.

This is we've I've boiled this down as much as I can. The events are can you run fast? Yep? One hundred meters? Can you run far? Which is the marathon. I'll accept the ten k maybe as well, marathon do nothing? Can you jump long? Yep? Can you jump high? Yes? Can you swim yep?

And that's one hundred meters free style, so that's five which is one turn.

And a lot of people don't know this. Free style literally means you can swim however you want. It's free to the style. It's free. Whatever style you want, feel free to use it.

If you're a faster backstroke swimmer, then you are the Australian crawl, which is the freestyle.

Then you're allowed to do the front propeller. The front propeller if you're an excellent doggy peddler. If you're a doggy pedlar, of note you you can do that in the freestyle anyway. So can you swim? Can you throw?

We need one throwing event. Okay, I'm gonna suggest javelin. Yeah, I think because it's it was between javelin and shop.

What wasn't it?

Yeah?

And I think javelin has a bit more to it.

What even just go cricket ball toss, credible throw? Yeah, just yeah, well that's that's more. Everyone does that at school.

Yeah yeah, I'll accept a base well, cricket ball throw for the Commonwealth Games, base the baseball for the Olympics if you want.

But for the moment, javelin, are you strong? Yep?

So weightlifting, I look at weightlifting, leave that in there, and then I think we need can you fight? Okay, which I'll go with wrestling because you know Greco Roman wrestling. It's a bit of oh yeah, it's a bit of both because that.

Would have been around, you know, when they were originally doing it.

And there's no no classes, there's no weight division, none of that shit. It's men's and women's.

And yes, you send I actually initially suggested that we just send one athlete of each gender from each country, so we seend Lisa Carrington and Artie Zavier and they compete in all of these The problem you're going to run into is I don't know if Artie is any good at swimming, you know what I mean. You want to see the fastest. You want to see the fastest. So I think you each country sends eight athletes each gender.

The sixteen athletes from each country, it brings the cost down but massively because then it's only really they can all share rooms. So that's only eight hotel rooms. Yeah, maybe a couple of fis, couple of phizzios. You just travel over as one team. I mean, sixteen people is like a basketball team. Yeah, so think of the transport. It's makes it easier, just a mini bus of the transport. So yeah, I think I think we're really on to we want to hear.

So just quickly again the eight games that we've boiled it down to and feel free to let us know. We could probably even ditch one of the jumps. I don't know, but these are the eight that we got right now.

Let us know what you think. In the old voicemails, can you run fast? Can you run fast?

Can you jump high? Can you jump long? Can you swim? Can you throw? Are you strong? And can you fight?

Yep?

And that is all we need to see from the from the Olympics. You don't need fifteen different types of swimming.

No.

The only reason Michael Phelps the greatest Olympian of all time is because Usain Bolt wasn't allowed to do the three legged race, the Egan Spoon race, the running backwards race. You know, otherwise he'd have all those medals too. So yeah, I can boil it all down and the Commonwealth Games could live for ever. Speaking of which, I think we could get in the pool. Absolutely, I am dying. My laptops just shut down. We're gonna jump in there, fush that dolphin out of the pool and carry on our

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