"Turning A Win Into A MASSIVE Loss"

Live from the Export Beer Garden Studios. This is the award winning Agenda Podcast for Friday, the seventh of June.

The Agenda Podcast the home of sporting nonsense and clap Trap, brought to you by Export a Vulture.

Oh good morning.

Can I just say to you, g Lane, how dedicated you are to the Agenda Podcast. You were in here at two am this morning preparing for this podcast. Face down. I assume that's you're doing. It wasn't this that you got so pissed you didn't make it home.

Last night we won an award and like like like a the good acc tradition, we turn a victory into a loss, and last night I celebrated hard. I may have had an altercation with a bush, which has resulted in more scars on my forehead.

I know.

So you've had this massive cancer surgery on your forehead. It's been a battle in that time. You've also swum out of a boat when I've been with you and smashed your headden on the ladder getting onto a boat, and now you've scratched and half. I've had no injuries to my forehead and I haven't gone through massive plastic surgery.

So haven't. I don't even need to protect my forehead.

The issue with me is I've got no feeling in my full hit, so i can't write. I can't feel anything in like a lipper. And also yeah, and I can't. I've got no perception of where things.

We need to get you a drinking full face helmet.

Do you need to go out at a full face helmet you're going out to pretty.

Much because you should go out.

Drinking in your cricket gear, a box, pads, advisor visor, thigh pad everything. That's that's what we got next, bloody next, bloody radio woods.

We should all go out in full protective gear.

Because I woke up on the couch here in the studio. I said, I have a little cat before I go home because I can't go home in the state, and just you know, as you do, close your eyes, wake up at six thirty, and then I'm on the Matt and Jerry Show doing my sports update, which I act you can't remember doing.

But yeah, you probably don't want to. Yeah back at the tapes, Yeah you don't.

Yeah, good, So do you remember that time that I came and really drank and you kicked me off here and I threw a shit. He have to check in the cross HQ an anger and.

Yeah, and I wrote about it. It was so bad. I wrote about it.

And my number one best selling book of life is Punishing, So so was similar to that performance, but at least short it.

So that was your rock bottom? Was are you saying that's my rock bottom?

I don't.

I think you can go La. Okay, I think you've got it in you to go la. That was my rock bottom.

But but I'm a soft cock, you know.

I like pantsman. Pants Man.

Joel Harrison was charged with taking me home. He's six six foot six of Joel Harrison. He walked me to the steers before the kind of taxi and just I remember just falling into a bush and just looking up put the pantsman in pantsman game see you.

He discharged his You know what he did.

That's not getting acc here Glaane home, notorious pantsman Joel Harrison. That's the thing acc hed g Lane into a bush.

He I know what he did because I saw management came in earlier to check up on me and said are you okay? And I said I'm good. He said, oh, it was good of Joel to take you home. I said, oh really, really it took did he because he took me to the nearest bush and just put me in it and then got the uber and went home. But to upper management, it looks like Joel Harrison pants man. The pantsman is the hero. The pantsman is the hero. But he left me in a bush.

Saying that.

Joel did say I tried to get you out of the bush for half an hour and you wouldn't move, you said.

He said, you got quite abusive.

Actually that's a key part of the story, that you just sportswa washing over.

You were lying in the push abusing him.

I did abuse him.

I caught him a piece of shit about ten times, yelling at him.

And I don't get the way you know what you.

Rightly you know what to fuck you.

I'm in the crucifix and like a hedge, I can't.

I can't.

I couldn't get out. That's why my head's all scratched up. I couldn't get out.

Yeah, And Joel Harrison was like, you know what, fuck you glaie.

Yeah.

No, I think he was right to say that.

But I felt very I felt a lot of love for you when I came in to work at five am this morning to the radio show, and you were you were lying on the couch here in the dark, but you had such a in your sleep.

You had a concerned look on your face, and you had your hand over your face like you just heard some really bad news.

But you were fast asleep, just looks so you were not having a comfortable, just relaxing sleep.

Texting my wife, I texted her and it took all of my effort to text her. I've slept on the couch at work. And the response was who does that?

And I went Joe Jury.

Joj through Jo Jury on us massively immediately said Joe Jury, and she goes, I was expecting that conversation to in here, and he came back with what on the floor?

And I mean, yes, you also through Ruda, the producer of the met and Jerry Brickfish, because because he was trying to sleep on the game, you came in and kicked him off this couch. He was trying to sleep here and he slept on the hard, hard.

Flaw of the studio. But you called. He said, this is a fucking acc studio.

Get your own count, piece of shit, you drunken piece of shit, you drunk, fucking lose, a ruder.

You get out here and you sleep on the floor in your studio.

I outpartied him.

I came in again, there's a party coming back here. You need to get out of here, and he goes, if there's a party coming here, and he goes, really, So he moved in.

A week and then but he he helped you back in because you fell over in the kitchen.

He helped me back in here. But I think it's hypocritical of you.

Before there's a lot of sports to get to his biggest sporting weekend ever, and we're pissing on around this. But I recently was had a celebration. It was my book launch, and you texted me, don't turn this victory into a loss.

And I was like, thank you, where were you last night?

Why didn't you text me that last night?

I said it to you. I see no, actually no, that's right. We were both chanting let's turn this victory into a loss. I remember that were normal taps, going a victory into a loss, victory into a loss.

I got on the microphone.

We run the quiz here every Tuesday, so I knew where the microphone was, so when you were at a bar and you go behind the bar and grab the microphone and the bar stuff, like.

What are you doing? Like trust me, trust me? And then I made Jason win Stanley get up and do a speech. Looking back on that, well, so much shame. You got it, so much shame.

You've got to get things in perspective.

And we were at one stage going to bum rush the stage at the awards when z B were winning Station of the Year, and we didn't do that.

I did. You were like understood, you were fret the tank and old school. You were down the stairs. We're running, come on, rush.

To the stage. Look how many people are on the stage.

Just fucking eat to them. It's all do it, come on.

And then I looked up and everyone sat down. Yeah you know what, Isaac. Never forgive him. Pugs, never forgive him. They said, yeah, we'll go if you go, and I went.

And they didn't go. No, they didn't go.

They didn't go.

I think maybe in retrospect taking the hippies of Fireball into the ceremony there was that that was probably an end too aggressive.

Yeah, so like for those who don't know Radio Awards, they've banned the sit down dinner because everyone gets to hemid. So we have to go to a theater, yeah, where they served no boos. Yeah, but what they decided this year was finery, which is a non alcoholic beverage.

Yes, they decided to hand those out at the start.

And what that quickly turned into was who can get as many mixes as possible into the theater and whoever's got a hip flask pour it into my can.

Yeah, that's pretty much what happened.

Yeah, that that really was an you know, sort of exponential curve of drake. Now, and that thing is no one else is drinking, so you really get a hit of the pack because no one else is smart enough or responsible enough to think you had to smuggle hip flasks of fireball in there, so we get Well, we came out well ahead of the peloton.

After the ceremony.

I was in Paris, I was going to the Act.

I was caming around yellow Ship, I was came around the Act.

The tree that still in the south punts.

Because we are also set next to Radio New Zealand.

Why do we always sit next to Radio New Zealand.

It's like it's like, I don't know, it's it's like putting the worst people with the most the worst behavior the most dignified. You know, it's like putting someone that's been expelled for stabbing something at school beside the head girl.

So it was so true.

I like when I got up and this invited the whole crowd to get on stage with zb I knew I was on.

I was on the.

Actor Treo and Radio New Zealand was still in, like Niece, they were they were not even starting the Tour de France. Yeah, I was finishing, yes, so far. I looked up and even some of our own team were still working the way through.

Normandy, I was in.

I was on the cobblestones of the of the Chansalsee. Yeah, oh Jesus Christ, is this this this awards?

And we have even mentioned that we won this podcast absolute ship you're listening to right now, as we won we won back to back best what one would we won sports podcast?

What state is this country?

And if this is the kind of ship that is winning awards at the New Zealand fucking Radio and Podcast Awards, And like a pretty flash event, there's a lot of money you've got Jeremy Corbett host to get You've got this bloody beautiful set. It's got thousands people there and this is the ship they're awarding. The fuck is going on with this country?

If you're out there, please put up sports podcast together and put it out.

I can't do this. I can't do it.

I can't keep doing this. I can't keep going on. I can't keep doing I can't get We've got that.

Let's enter this episode into next year's awards. Okay, I can't go on because if we fucking win with this pod, it's today. Is the fact that we win with the ship that we're putting out, it's a disaster for the country. But if we went with this particular pod, O hell. Anyways, we take a break and come back with some sport.

Yeah, okay, just a yeah.

I'm just a good clean im fucking someone and here stinks. Last night someone stunk a bo fuck someone that dy in New Zealand.

I was it ready in New Zealand. They no, are you saying it's internal?

I thought it was Adam because he was sitting beside me and I was like, fucking Adam stinks. And then he left and I felt bad because it wasn't him.

Right, It's Raady in New Zealand. It was definitely ready in zelling behind us.

Someone fucking stunt. Yeah b o.

When Adam got up to win his awards award for the Tom Award Winners Winners, I wanted to I wanted to hear him talk.

I wanted to hear him talk. Yeah he didn't, he.

Didn't get a chance on the MIT but but but he won awards. Good anyways, the sport, Oh yeah, hanging out there with white claws making me feel a lot better about life.

Ziper Rugby.

So it's quarterfinals. It's quarter finals tonight. We've got the chiefs. Chiefs manner, chiefs. If you want to hear the world's worst commentary tuning tonight because it's me and James mcconey. Do you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna throw James mccanni under the bus tonight.

I'm going to turn up and go James. I'm I'm reading the texts because that's his job. Normally, he just reads the text You call the game.

Yeah yeah, you called the gap.

You should tell him to that. He was fucking rotten last night as well.

Oh yeah, so I'll tell you what I'll get on the young Gals.

So the Chiefs probably gonna beat the Reds, even though the Reds have been a bit difficult for them. Hurricanes are going to absolutely the final humiliation, humiliation for the Rebels. They're going to be sent on their way with their pants down into oblivion.

Surely the Rebels went out last night, Yeah, surely, fucking matter.

What is it matter?

None of them have got contracts. But it's at a home home game. They could burn the club rooms down.

That is just a whole demolition party.

Burn the shirts, shit on the shirts, and the.

Cake tin mine after that game, when they're going to tear well into a new one.

They have to Yeah, they have to be like the Rebel Alliance. They have to blow that up like the fucking death Start.

Blues.

Fijian drew. Fijian drew a terrible away from home. Brilliant home, terribleway from home. Now this is I reckon. This is good eating on the Brumbies Highlanders. The Helanders are playing like four bucks. Yeah, that's eating. And they twenty sixteen Highlanders went over there and in a playoff game and pulled the Brummies pants down.

Really and then went on to win.

Yeah, no, that wasn't.

Two thousands and didn't go that was two thousand and crusaders.

Crusaders.

But we're gonna're gonna we're going to dive into the odds later on.

In the jump jump my gun here.

But so what are you picking?

In?

Chiefs?

Hurricanes, chiefs, hurricanes, blues?

And I'm picking the Highlanders to upset upset the Brumbies. Okay, one pick? Well, that's good eating.

It's good eating. But it's also the gravy stroke. It's so good.

I've got to question a few moments, maybe out of order me. Did you put any money on the USA against Pakistan and the T twenty World Cup?

And no?

But when you go, but you go, someone putting money on the USA somewhere.

It's for sure because eight it's super over?

Is this done?

But super over with eight extras in it?

It's geopolitics? This is is Villandi's involved?

Is this the Battle of bin Laden?

It's Peter Villandi's involved?

Is this? Is this?

Is this Seal Force nine b Larden situations. The USA just beat Pakistan. I was trying to think what would be that the equivalent of the All Blacks losing? Would that be be the quillalent of the All Blacks losing to the USA. Yeah, I mean it's it's an impossible thing to happen.

An extra time yeah, and someone a drop goal, Yeah, after Richie McCaw clotheslined someone.

Yeah, and a blatant head high and got sent off.

I can't believe the USA has beaten Pakistani cricket before GTA six has come out. I can't believe this has happened. We live in a upside down. The world's coming to an end. It's spiraling. I'll tell you what, into a logical.

The most act, the most funn you'll ever have is watching this T twenty World Cup and watching the minnows play.

It is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Uganda got bowled out for seventy seven yesterday by Papua New Guinea and Papua New Guinea were paying ten bucks to win.

No, No, was the other way around.

Yeah, sorry, Papua New guinny got seventy seven and they were defending seventy seven, and I was.

Like, you know what, I reckon they're gonna win.

I reckon, They're going to bowl you Gander out And so I chucked fifty bucks on it.

They paid ten bucks anyway.

Three wickets in the first two overs, there was six down and thirty. I was like, we're on here. But then Uganda came through at the end and won it. But it was the most exciting game, maybe because we had money on.

It going come on, come on, P and G, Come on, P and G.

It's amazing.

I didn't know USA played cricket until about two weeks ago, and then this morning, this morning, I would have killed myself if they hadn't won.

And I was so excited. But they've got Cory Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory.

Anders balls, balls, but they didn't put him out like he was betting at six or something. And they had this guy Jones who could not fucking score a run. They were chasing one sixty to win and they were really on course, and then the sky was in there that could not hit anything. And you've got Corey Anderson and the shed. See where does he sit on the fastest hundreds of all time?

That one in Queenstown still the top three?

Yeah, yeah, he's number two.

Number two, and you got him on the fucking bench.

I'll tell you what.

The last time Pakistan lost controversially in a World Cup.

Their coach brun his house down, didn't they ended up end That's right, he ended up in his room.

Did we ended up?

And everyone's had a check. Yeah, and anyone's like, yeah, that seems normal and no suspicious.

In the middle of a World Cup when you just lost.

The island thought okay, look I'm going to play. I'm gonna say something here. That's everyone's thinking Pakistan USA eight.

Extras and a super over.

That's a lot.

That's a lot of extras in a super over.

So who bold that Pakistan?

Yeah, Pakistan eight eight extras.

We look at what sort of plus there's geopolitics going on here.

There's something going on involved.

There's there's there's brown paper bags for the money flying and order. I'm not saying there is CIA involved. Something's happened some account London. Well, speaking of.

Which, in New Zealand, they kick off their campaign tomorrow against Afghanistan. Yep, We've got no beef with the Afghanistan. So I think that'll be.

Where they might be a little bit angry about some of our peacekeeping over there.

Some of our peacekeeping involves a lot of guns.

Oh my God, our peacekeeping is so terrible as well.

But violent peacekeeping terrible.

We said over willi Appiada, who just mows people down? It's keeping the peace, motherfugers.

Yeah, you can't cause unrest when you did kind of attitude.

It's terrible.

That I don't know anything about it, anything about what we did.

I don't know anything.

I just talked to the fuck about our express like you Fergus And he was on our show this morning. Great and I'm still rocket in the sixty nine. But his main point was I wish we had got the drawer where we were playing in America would be more fun.

That was.

He's got he's got skin in the game. Though he used to have skin in the game. Yeah, yeah, he loves America.

Yeah, he loves now. He's got skin in the Polish game, is he? Oh no, His girlfriends a hockey player, isn't she? And she's playing in Poland anyway. He said he would been to Poland, but yeah, yeah, And we talked to Bowlderscgolders over there as well.

Boulders as Bowlders goes.

Bold as mcgold she's part of the broadcast team. She was actually in Dallas for that game.

Yeah, oh sorry, I just shot Laura McGoldrick. I said that wrong.

It does rolled off your tongue. I said that I got I got that wrong. Yeah, this y'are sorry, And this.

Is this is winning awards. This ship, the ship is winning awards.

This is a massive goal. This is a massive ohone goal.

I'm going to get what this podcast is called the agenda. Now after three years we go through the agenda.

We've covered off the black Caps.

Okay, we've we've done that is both.

We've covered off Okay, okay, you've got.

To reach out to she'd have had a great time over there with the that one. Lastly on the agenda, the award winning podcast Warriors Versus the Cowboys.

A stack of names are back for the Warriors, heading for who Black's back?

Chance is back?

Get Kate Well's back, Barry's back to who Harris is back? And Wade Egans half the team? Half the team's back. That's good, but we've got no Shawney j is not back.

Against the reverse cowgiryst isn't back.

Yeah, there's a lot of side How long are you out for a pick muscle?

Is that is that?

Shawnee's got a pick muscle shirt. Yeah, UHT has got a hamstring apparently, so that's that takes a while.

Yeah, trust me.

Where is the underdogs?

Here?

They are?

But cowboys said, six players backing up after Origin. Yeah, that's good eating.

Origin and at home the Warriors at home, at home, playing at old old Smarty.

You're gonna be there?

Are there the home next week? With the Eels?

No, no, the eels are a couple of weeks. Why aren't they?

Are they?

Eels are like in August?

Are they? This is this is a fucking disasters.

Hey, you got a hunch chiefs to keep?

Got a hunch after last night?

You do actually have a bit of a hunch, so you're walking sort of a shame hunch.

Oh my god, I got so much shame hunch.

Uh.

Chiefs to kick four or more penalties tonight against the Reds. And the reason why they're going to do that is because there's no bonus points on offer here. So every time points are on off for tonight, the Chiefs will fucking kick it right and Mackenzie will kick it. So four plus penalties that's my hunch tonight. It's paying four bucks. Yep, four penalties they'll kick it. If they're forty points ahead, they'll kick the penalty. Yeah, they will not go for

There you go. I can't say that. I can't say it's guaranteed. It's a hunch. It's a hunch.

It's a hunch of it's guaranteed, though.

I can't say it's guaranteed because I was talking to Joe Wheeler this morning, a double team Joey Wheeler with many people.

Did you talk to you this morning? Yeah, talk to Wheeler.

We had Graham Norton, We Graham Norton on the show. Yeah, Norton, Graham Norton, yea Whela. And you had the Express, Bolders, Mcgolders, Boulders, Laura McGoldrick.

Yep.

We had a lot of big names on the show this morning.

Did you do anything this morning?

And I did nothing.

I just sat there and fistering in my own juices, reading questions that Ruda had written for me, famous people.

That's all. Rud had to sleep on the floor.

Rd was in a terrible state. Have you kicked him out of off this very couch with fucking stinks. By the way, I don't know what you did on it.

Oh, we'll take a quick break. Uh, we'll be beck with some yours. Please have you got any yours? Please, but we'll be back.

Anyway.

Apparently no yours, please yours?

Please know yours? Please?

Um, it's freaking lady.

No one ever know, just no one just looked to come through and it's the icon and just say funk South canterber Yeah, there's quite a.

Few blue ones that comes from.

You can't really play like yeah when we Yeah, look, all I'm going to say is, don't send in a message while you're mesturbating.

We can't play that.

Yeah, we can't play that, So.

Don't do that, do it?

You just even though on your gravy straight youth screams South Fox South Canterbury. Yeah that was good, but it's just the pre limb for that. Well we'll seend them through, but just know we can't play them. Yeah, oh yeah, keep coming.

We just can't play them. We can't play them.

Yeah.

The elaborate ways of getting to a Fox South Canterbury story, Yeah, I quite like. It's twenty eight seconds of just kind of this kind of rustling and groaning and then South Canterbury, which I respect.

Yeah, I respect that.

I respect it. Anyway, that's it for the agenda.

This week one of the one of the probably worst weeks of broadcasting ever, and we won award for it, which is the irony.

The already is a lot not lost on me.

Well, I think we should celebrate this one.

Let's send it into a loss.

So far back from victory now, it's like it's so far from a xtor.

Boltous.

Someone did, might have been me, might have been you. You're the one that's bloody, been drinking seems more cla it's you that said that in me.

We we get back to the tapes.

If you on.

Selena was an honest mistake.

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