"The Sexy Camel Steps Down"

Live from the Export Beer Garden Studios and brought to you, as always by Export Ultra. This is the Agenda Podcast for October the second.

The Agenda Podcast, the home of Sporting Nonsense and clap Trap, brought to you by Export Vulture.

I'll get a James mconey, how are you hey, g Lane and good thanks, you know, good to be back in here. I noticed that Mania is in the Middle East. Yes, he's with one place where you're not supposed to be right now.

He's with his Habibi's and I don't know if you've seen him in his in his dish dash, which is the traditional Emarati white cloak and also the head dress as well. Of he's been in Oman, and he did say the last time he was in the Middle East, they'd come up and speak Arabic to him and Hemibi ah halak Abibi and he'd be like, ah New Zealand because he looks so he looks like he belongs.

What does habibi mean? Friend? Ah? I love? How are you Bibi? You're good? Gel Ain't you just Arabic down line? I lived here for a while.

I lived there, Sallysla all that kind of carry out.

Well, most of when you go to a new place, of the things that you absorb, locations of the nearest pub, yes, and then whatever liquids you're allowed to consume. Yeah, well that was pretty easy.

In the Middle East, it's basically every hotel.

Are because they don't actually have pubs. There's no drinking his band, except they turn a blind eye. Is that right?

Well, hotels basically the hotels are like a giant mall of bars. So you go in and there's a hotel bar, but then there's a rooftop bar, and then in the basement there's an Irish bar, and then on the beach there's a beach bar, and then they have a nightclub on the top floor as well. So every hotel in the Middle East has about five bars in it, so you can have a whole night in one hotel and just go from bar to bar. So that's how they

That's why they don't do any breath testing.

This is dangerous for Westerners as well because they don't have breath testing because you shouldn't actually be drinking. So yeah, by theory, they shouldn't be so what happens is if you crash and you've been you're drunk, you're fucked, You're pretty much you're done. Yeah, so you run for the hills at that stage, maybe just get a taxi straight to.

The airport, the Emirates economy. Yeah, to the river, to the bottom of the earth.

James McConney, have you ever been invited to one of Jeremy Wells's white parties?

No, I'm not wide enough clearly who kids there not for that Well, I don't know.

I haven't been invited either, but rumor is that he has. He took a franchise of P Diddy's white parties and he's been holding them in New Zealand for years.

Well, I know that he loves lube. Yeah. So I mean when I as soon as they said the baby oil thing, I thought, oh, Jerry.

Yeah, yeah, okay, I will. Neither of us been invited, so maybe we'll have to get Jeremy on to discuss as white parties.

Can I just say that I thought that Dinner on Blanc whatever it was called, I thought that was one of the winkiest things ever, the pop up pop up dinners and everyone's wearing white and I'm like I would totally. I'll go down there in my cricket creams pants. So there's no way I'm not wearing white pants. I'm not going out splashing out on a pair of white pants. Does anyone want to see my VPL down on the waterfront, Yeah, I'm not on the Viadact VPL on the Viadact.

I think that the greatest one of those white parties or those dinner lan which was basically you went no no. I saw pictures from it, which is just a disguised P Diddy party. Really just make it French and it's okay, but they they pop up. Was on the field at Eating Park.

I'm so if it was a bit lame, yeah, I know, it's the whole thing is I think it's died of death now. It was just a little fad, but I preferred dinner on noir. Yeah exactly. Yeah, get you your black puff are out, which is what the still uniforms, because you could get everyone's probably got a black shirt of some kind, right, like yeah, I think in other nations, I probably think, oh no, maybe that they wouldn't even have that, But Kiwis have definitely got black in the wardrobe.

We'll just check out a normal next game.

Yeah, exactly, you will. You've got them your merch. You've got a black Caps top on right now, and then so with your any national team, you've got your merch and then you've got your black puffer yep. And then generally if you've if you're a funeral goer, yeah, you'll have especially if you're Maldy Adam will back me up on this, you'll have a black shirt because you're not always just wearing the jacket. But it is you have to wear black. You have to, is there?

I mean, per capita, are we the biggest owners of black puffer jackets in the world.

I mean, I think a lot of people won't necessarily buy black straight away, whereas we look at it and go yes, yeah, yeah, okay, I am this is me. I'm I'm a kiwi. I'm a kiwi. This I live in a to it or I'm wearing black.

But even anything above top or for example, you probably go for the vest, the puffer vest as opposed to the full puffer jacket.

Ohither you're talking the alpha dad puffers. I'm talking.

I'm talking finance bro kind of, but finance bro jackets are a bit thinner. They're the thinner puffer jacket. They're the kind of.

Yeah, the medium skinny, skinny piping or the skinny horizontal lines, skinny stitching. Yeah, I know that's that means you're not going full puffa. I've been sponsored by mac Packet Craig as Weld, so I've seen the fuller array of puffers. Yes, and I've I've got a Finance bro Alpha Dad puffery little and it's it does. It is quite nice actually, but then you when you're out there in a vest, you do realize that you are you.

Look a bit of a dick.

Yeah. Hey, speaking of I've got my black Caps top on.

I should probably have my black Caps supporters support grip tissued on Big News this morning James mcconey, Oh Ship, Big News. Tim Soudy has zion from the Test captaincy at the end of the Shrilankan tour just before they fly out to India, and Tom Latham has been announced as the new captain.

Saw me, Tom Latham, He's been circling for a while.

Oh yeah, and you called it years ago when he was circling around Kan Williamson late at night when you set that set, that regrettable set that bombshell out on Twitter.

No one takes my text seriously one text, they're like, oh, jump on this, and I mean, yeah, I had heard something. But do you know what in our line of work, g Lane, I think you know, because we're not right there in the mainstream media, we hold on to a lot more bombshells. Yes, I know, probably stories that will maybe come out next week. But I'm not going to break your breaking news on Craig as well, because no one goes a shit. It's like you're there to entertain us.

Latham is not exactly firing on all cylinders either. He hasn't scored a century in quite a few seasons. He's adding only averaging just under thirty five.

He's one of those matters that's getting to the fifth or sixth innings and then suddenly totally redeems himself and so he's due for one and he's going to go and play India.

So and the press release came out this morning. Gary Stead was obviously the pr person, wrote all his quotes for him, which I'll read them out to you. And you know, we play Cliche assistant coach Cliche Bingo in all black games in Super Rugby at halftime.

This is good.

This is this one. You'll be dinging all the way through, so Gary said said, Tim's a fantastic player and a very good leader who is held in high regard by the teams, by the players and support stuff. Yeah, is this a good one? This is one. He's been a great servant of New Zealand cricket over nearly seventeen years playing on the international stage, and I'd like to acknowledge his humility and stepping down from the role as team captain.

Yeah, well maybe that's what what he's setting him up for, because maybe that's why it has to be done, because dropping your captain on tour feels unprecedented, right, That's probably why bats is even though they say, oh it's better to have a batter as captain, there's no real reason apart from it's just tradition.

Yeah, I guess it's also quite difficult as a bowling captain. It's always quite hard to bring yourself on and take yourself off, you know what I mean, that's always a harder decision. I think that's why traditionally it's usually being.

I know that's a reason, but I mean if your best tactician is a bowler, then there should be no Yeah, it doesn't actually matter. That's why I was like, okay, yeah, it's tough because I think on those Indian tours we've had one seeman in some games, right yeah, and a part timer maybe a Darryl a Daryl Mitchell. Yeah, maybe that's why they had to do it mid tour. It just feels like even the Wagner retirement was a bit muddy as well.

Even the Gapta one was muddy as well. Everyone, it seems the only one that went to plan was Ross Taylor.

Yeah, everyone else have sucked up. Yeah, exactly. Ross had a sort of procession. He knew when he when he was bowing out. They had a really nice day, wasn't it with the family on the field and it was a beautiful thing and.

His mum came out.

Yeah, it was so lovely. That was That was actually quite a really sort of moving moment, wasn't it. Yeah.

The other ones I think have just gone a bit right. But saying that Tom Laysam has taken over the captaincy and heading to India for three test matches in Bangalore, Pune and wan Keedy Stadium, So he's up against it's its name. I know that the the local commentators called it wang Keedy, but all of the Western commentators are too scared to say whan Kety, so they say Wahiti. They kind of lose the k and they go Wahiti and they say.

It's wan ketty.

You hear the every other Indian commentator calls it wan key Exactly.

When you're in wang Kety, you go with the wang Kety. That's what I mean. I can't see a problem with saying wang key, what's the word? Funck is the man?

Yeah, And there was a great piece of footage of the day of Peter Crouch and I think.

It was we said country every day.

Yeah, we do all the time, Rio Ferdinand and it was Peter Crouch. They were hosting a game from Wangdorf Stadium. Oh yeah boys, you boys, And I think it was a Europa League game or something, and there was a female BBC one host with it. She goes, right, yeah, welcome to Okay, let's get this off your chest. Okay, we're going to do it once and then we're going to move on. She goes welcome to Wankedorf Stadium and food and then in the beta gratch ye They're like okay, that's it.

Let's move on.

It was a great, great way to approach that. But there's going to be more breakdown of this with Dylan Cleaver, Paul Ford, Oh, Jason Hoyt heavy Yeah. Clever is going to listen to that the BYC podcast, which will be out this afternoon. Other cricket news. We'll take a quick break and I come back with a shocking statistic from

Really yeah, who's this?

So their franchise cricket, Pat Commings and Mitchell Stark, Oh my god, So all their franchise contracts put together, they made more money bowling two balls than five days of hard graft and baggy ground.

So they did bowl more than two balls. Yeah, but just those two balls are worth more.

Yeah, that shows that shows the power of that short form game.

That's incredible.

Way more than they boil two balls, they get the same amount of money.

Else. The weird thing about T twenty International cricket and let's someone get lost in the weeds on this g lane. But that's the format that all the smaller nations have to play, Like if you're a minno nation like some more one that qualification tournament in the Pacific recently it's a T twenty tournament. Yeah, so there's no way they're not even allowed to play fifty over one days. So if you are a great test bowler from some more or Papua New Guinea stiff shit, you're playing T twenty

I think the issue with that is five days of test cricket. Most of these most of these players are amateur professional. You can't take five days off work to go and play test match.

Yeah, I know there's no way, there's no way they can. Yeah, that will just blow the budget. But anyway, Yeah, I should say Solomon Nasha, I shouldn't just call them Dion Nasha's son soul. Yeah yeah.

I saw him play actually in the November five Day Test match up and Cod and Oval, oh right last year, and he tore them apart. And he bowls so much like Dion Nash.

Yeah, like the tight little kind of.

Way drifts off the wicket and everything good better too.

Combat combat. So was that this Seddon park Leads having to face up to him?

He was playing for the November eleven I think I think they might have maybe they might have recruited.

Boys to go. Yeah, I think this is going to be fun.

Siden Crackit Club versus November. That's happening again actually in November and been played at Saint Paul's and we're playing a T twenty match against the Chiefs. So you're gonna have to come down and oh, well you're going to can't umpire. You're going to have to play for us. It's the A C C versus the Chiefs.

You know what happens whenever I played for you or blow a car. I think it's just us.

I think you'll blow a cap umpiring cultively yeah, well that's.

Going to be that. Where what's the date? That one is a Friday?

I think it's Friday, the maybe twenty first of Okay, yeah, okay, I let you know about that. But the five day Test match is happening St. Paul's Collegiate November versus.

It only lasts three days.

It's a bunch of old battlers and they basically they'd like to think they could play five days, but it never goes five days. Yeah. Hey, some rugby news Jays mcconey. Justin Bieber James o'cons O'Connor is rumored to be in talks with the Crusaders to fill their first five role, given that last year the Crusaders had five, they chose five verst five.

Eights throughout the season.

Rivers Rayhanna, Taha Kimata, David Hevili, Riley Hohepper and Fergus Burke all played first five and now they've approached the thirty four year old Justin Bieber.

Well, one thing I would say is I like all those first fives. They tried those options. Obviously, Fergus Burk being the one that got away is with Saracens. Now I do notice that there's no Tasmund names in that list. I mean, you are the Crusaders region. What's wrong with the guys who when you won the ra and Philly Shield the other day one of the first fives there's fifty five meter goal to.

Win it, will is will he Heavily the first five will.

He Heavily has won. Well, he's with but there isn't There are a couple that play in that squad who are pretty good, including the guy who came on and kicked that winning goal. So all I'm saying is like the lack of Tasman first fives, let's not count David Havilly because he's only just filled in there once. I think, yeah or twice is a little bit glaring for me. If you are a true regional team, what's what's wrong with you? Tazzy boys? Are we are?

We are Super Rugby's truly regional teams.

Though well they get them from anywhere, right, But I just think that you know that they've played to a high level. Tasman have won the NPC recently, they've won the Shield. I don't think they've ever finished lower than the six of bloody Good. There must be some first fives coming out of Nelson College. Surely he's a good one with a mullet coming out right now, but he's probably too young. The thing is, I think people overthink first five. Can I go into a little bit of

It's just as a former first five.

Yeah, because you get the kick, you get the pass not under that much pressure either. You and you've got forward pods there looking after you there giving you the ball sort of a back ball right now, so you get you start your back line further away from the defense. It's like, I think it's a pretty cool position. And if you've got a fullback of kicks or a second five of you kicks, they take all that pressure off you. If you've got a a halfback who loves to kick box,

A big unit. I sat next to him on the plane.

Yeah, he's not small. Why isn't Cam shuffle out to first five and give another option? Anyway, this is just first five chat the year.

Oh great first five chat. But I always wondered with Bieber. Yeah, he's been around forever. He's thirty four, Justin Bieber. But the reason we call him Bieber is because he I didn't realize he debuted in Super Rugby as a seventeen year old.

I know, he was so young Perth. He was with the Western Force. They did a story on him like we was sort of going to the school ball and then coming out and playing for Western Force. It was crazy, really, just at how he had moved so young.

Yeah, I didn't really, I didn't quite realize he David is a seventeen year old and became the second younger ever Wallaby later that year.

He looks so young as well. I mean like back then he looks like a different person now, yeah he does. He does.

Call Justin Bieber, he looks like a very weathered Justin Bieber.

Yeah, so, and then Bebes probably can relate, right. But the other thing is like, if you look at Carter young and Carter when he retired, not too much difference.

Yeah, you're right, but I tell you, I tell you who. I tell you who looks different from starting to retirement, and that it's open side flankers Sam k and Richie McCaw. You look at them both, they look so fresh faced. And by the end of it, Conrad Smith was the same. Conrad Smith when he started was quite a good looking, dashing young lawyer. By the end of it is he looked his face was like a welders bench. He'd been knocked around so much.

Yeah, he got he got so good by the end as well. I reckon because even when he came in he was just definitely the gliding player who set up his outsides. But then by the end he just was just one of the most important people on the team. He threw a bit her seafield. I think in that Rugby World Cup Final twenty fifteen when he got sub for Sunny Bill because he played a bloody good first half, I think he set up and there he did that sort of half folly off the ground and set up

I didn't also realize that I'm in shocked by Baber constantly.

I didn't know.

I realized both his parents are Kiwis and he's got a New Zealand passport.

Yes, two peninsula. He's from my neck of the woods. Yeah, yeah he is.

So we produced a player which we love to hate for many years. Yeah, many many years. And same with who's the one that was born out of Tokodor.

Wait Cooperait Cooper.

The two people that New Zealand rugby fans love to hate the most were born in New Zealand. Yea, they're ours, that's our fault.

I was forced to rewatch that Hong Kong test where where Beaver kind of blotted his copybook and you know, flushed his his career down the toilet. We ted did and Beaver was bloody good in that and then at last that last play. But also, why are you putting making Kevin me hooker? Possibly being played the whole game, I'm not sure, But anyway, mark up against Bebes a nineteen year old just full of a snapper full of beans.

Yeah you can do it the hell you want, that's right, and when and then when you're Beaver status.

Yeah everything, What are you doing that for? What do you do that for?

It's like, hey, we've also got the Snacker Chaney Sports Scholarship running at the moment.

We're binge watching is a sport.

Just enter to text chip to three two three six, follow the link, fill out the deeps, and we'll send you the Snacker Chany Sports Scholarship price back, which is basically made for big nuts, loads of big nuts.

Have you tried the big KESHI lovely hearts big nuts. I've always wanted to try, like.

As salty big nuts or as Sultan vinegar nuts.

No I did. I tried his barbecue nuts. Oh, I think they were in here. You brought that.

Yeah, I prefer the Sultan vinegar nuts.

Oh yeah, salty nuts.

Yeah, I love is the salted ones sulted with a little bit of vinegar on it. I see vinegar and salt nuts. Actually a bunch of snacker Changi's will say some refreshments as well.

Yeah, it feels like you're wrapping up the pop. But I just wanted to ask you bleeders load too. I mean you were in here commentators. Oh yeah, did you have any any thoughts on who did well and who might go on the Northern tour might not?

I am so relieved that Wallas side TD played so well because I was so worried when he got selected in.

South Africa at six.

I was like, fucking hell, he's twenty two. He could get he could get creamed here and he might not recover from this. And then he played really well and then started again. And I'm so glad he's played well because I was worried because I love him so much. I was worried that this much pressure, this early out of position because I prefer HM at eight as a running number eight. I thought he was like outstanding.

Yeah, he was the player of the d D and he was by far the best in show. Definitely, just every game he's improved and looks quite home at six as well. Like you say, it's kind of it's the biggest hospital pass. Quite often they've been. Remember Victor Vito playing a test at six and maybe at the g or Indoor Stadium in Melbourne, missus tackle on the blind side honestly, talk back callers straight into him exactly and

Quick enough?

Got enough these days? I don't know. I don't know.

I thought, also, Cody's eight percent Cody Taylor, he's getting better and better.

I think he's the best player of the season. Anything. Fuck, he's good.

I thought, Well, Jordan looked great at fullback. It's great to have him back in the side. Every time he got the ball.

Clark Chu Clark and Caleb Clark cling you nickname Cheer but has been retired. We have a new name thanks to Caitlyn, who's a I think young Caitlyn because it was a dad that texted in saying his daughter Caitlyn came up with Chu Clarker, and I think that's going to take off.

I don't know if he's going to be more happy with Chu Clarker. I don't know if he's going to be more happy with that. Anyway, go back to the other question around the Northern Tour, as a Northern tour is a chance to then blood new players into next season. For example, will t J Peter Nada go? Will they send came roy Guard and Sneakers and Hotham?

I think roy Gard hasn't played enough rugby. I think TJ will go. Do you think came Roygad can play in the New Zealand fifteen or whatever? It's going to be touring as well. So I'm wondering about a guy like Peter Larkeye as well. What do you This Northern tour looks too tough because you've got England, Ireland, France and then Italy at the end. So to to is he No? I don't think is going to make it?

So okay? What about let's look at other positions. So Sam Kine, he's off to Japan for three years. Yep, do you bother taking him on the Northern Yes.

Hundred percentause you've got you've lost so much leadership over the past year with you know, Captain kve Man's gone, Aaron Smith all that sort of stuff.

Well, does Peter Lucky come in?

And Sam?

Thanks very much, he's your hundredth cap. You go after Japan next year?

Can lack I go in Z fifteen for half the tour and then and then still a bit of a switchero come over? So what's that?

What's the news on fifteen tour?

Sorry?

What's running at the same time? I don't know in other parts of Europe? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, okay, so they've got two squads over there which they can Yeah. Quite clever, isn't it.

It's quite clever, So they'll be able to do that. I don't think there'll be any any any great changes really. I think that game by beating the Wallabies by twenty points there at the end pretty much locks and a lot of people. But one player who I think has probably made the greatest strides this year, apart from Wallace, a t who's like the bolter of bolters is two po Vi is now Mahi monster when he the Maney

You've got Sam Darry as well, and you got dog Roll. So I think the locks.

Wise it would good because put Petty Toops is Ba Toops is back as well.

He played when he came off the bench, he played. I thought he played out standing in the last fifteen to twenty minutes.

He just brought up.

He just bought some sort of mona and presence rop a big man. Same with Tossy Tossy Tossy just a bag unit. I love the fact we've got too massive one hundred and forty kg plus now into Mighty Williams and him, because I'm always jealous when I see the spring Box and even Argentina and England and everything in these they bring out thesebsolute monsters, but they don't look as big in a black jersey, you know, se I

Why do you think I'm wearing.

It to that? But I think we need to change jerseys then, because it doesn't look as intimidate.

You don't want to hear of your moves. That's why we lost in those light gray jerseys. People. Every player with mobs was very self conscious in card If you already noticed it, it's a confidence thing. It's a confidence thing. You sing. You out there with light gray shows every single sweat ring, it shows every single.

When you're sweating under your moos.

Love handles and moves on full display in Cardiff two thousand and seven. That's the reason we lost. Let's own it. It's wardrobe choice.

A great way to add in the podcast, Well see that tomorrow is the return of the Habibi himself, Stuart. He'll be in bits and pieces tomorrow. I guarantee you if he extended his holiday after the beer Aden tour, I'm sure he looked after himself and convalesced well.

Minight is one of the few people who pushes that, you know, the KEB and Crew button, Like before they've even taken off, He's pushed that button and it's all for beers.

And also, I'm speaking of Star Wars. Often after one of these trips he comes back looking like Emperor Palpatine. Oh the eyes, the eyes, the eyes have gone smoking too many daries, crushing too many beers. So the return of Emperor Palpatine tomorrow, see you later.

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