"The Keyzie/Can Cone Curse"

Live for the Export Beer Garden Studio and brought to you by Export Ultra the Bear for here. This is the Agenda Podcast for Monday, the twenty second of July.

The Agenda Podcast, the home of Sporting Nonsense and clap Trap, brought to you by an Export a Vulture.

Morning Lane out of Witness Protection.

Yeah, look, I tell you what. Witness protection is great.

If you didn't have to have your kids with you, yeah, it would be it would be like a holiday.

Yeah.

Well they make you go with your kids and yeah, you got your kids there the whole time and they're just nagging you.

It's for their own safety. Yeah, that down there as well. But how was it?

How was your week?

Yeah it was good.

It wasn't too bad at all in roads there. Yeah wet, Yeah, it was wet around every I think. But yeah, it's disappointing when you're on holiday.

And there's so many appearents that are just like rejoicing to Jesus this morning that their kids are going back to school.

Yeah.

So, yeah, they did it tough that second week in the rain.

I honestly reckon that parental leave should be enforced for all school holidays. It's ridiculous that we make parents still stick like have to try and juggle work, but then all the kids are sped out into the ye wide world. Yeah, like, I mean, you know, admittedly, one of my children ended up on the Locals Facebook page from making a disturbance in the library. Oh and I was like, okay, look, I can take that. He's not you know, selling drugs

But he's at the library. Disturbance of the library.

Did he got a few Karens after apparently they're rude to the librarian, but he reckons the couple of Karens and they started filming them and following them around the library, following the kids around. It was weird, But anyway, I don't know what the rules are around following them around filming them.

That's what happens when Yeah, that's this point was brought up by my eldest, which didn't go down well with the Karens because he knew knew his rights more than the Karens did. Say yeah, yeah, anyway.

Anyway, good to heavy back, Glad toav back on board and in the studio. I want to start with the Warriors. I know it was Friday night, but jeez, that was a tough one. A lot of people have asked me this morning, Oh, jeez, how did you feel about that one. I've gotta be honest, I kind of felt the same way I felt for the last two months.

I've kind of already.

Resigned yourself to the fact that the Warriors it's not the yar.

It was when we had to win like ninety percent of our games for the rest of the year. I was like, we're going to drop one or two and then all of a sudden it's going to be like, wow, do you put a line through them? I think, do you think it was Shaidel Harris Tavita's fault that we lost that game.

On ndred percent? Not his fault because he's the fourth's during kickick because you have Shaan Johnson Pompey paining to a picky and then he probably doesn't even practice. I can't imagine your fourth choice of goal kicker even practices.

Nah.

So, but he doesn't even kick if he even if he was playing down in New South Wales Cup. He wouldn't have been kicking there. They've got you know they're gonna fallback, they can kick their halves.

Yeah, I don't. I don't think it's not his fault.

But Webby did come out and say the Kicks didn't let us lose us the game.

They did.

The Kicks definitely lost the game, but it wasn't But it wasn't Jane Harris Devita's fault.

No, I agree with you. I don't think it was his fault. He shouldn't have and there shouldn't have been any stress. He was beating himself up after the game. But I always have the like mindset of if I shouldn't have been doing it, then I've got that. I don't feel any pressure in the situation, so I should fuck this up. Do you know whose fault it is? Yes, Chris Keys, it is Chris Kese this. I've got the audio. I pulled the audio this morning. Have a listen to this.

And the try has been confirmed.

And I tell you what, me and I not even Chanel Harris de Vita can miss it from there. I hope that could go down as one of the all time commentators.

Curses Chris, I hope you're wrong. Surely not draw draw the game.

Surely not the way he just squinted his eyes here literally posts in front of him right now, do I He looked at the post way up and looking at the screen the whole game.

That's on you.

So he shacked around the door at me. Yet that fair enough.

I'm so sorry everyone, I am so sorry for that.

Don't go all quiet. Fuck you man.

I got quiet because I was waging up when whether or not to use it. I mean, look, it was it was ten to twelve, like it was so late as well. I stayed up to watch that, and I stayed up to watch the State of Origin on Wednesday. I was done with rugby league by the end of the week.

I was done.

God.

I had to have a nap after arguably being over served at the pub on front afternoon.

But there's by the bike. I just was that the pause was.

I was looking at Cris being like, you probably don't like I know, we're on the adult channel. You probably don't get too many IF bombs in a season. I was like, if I'm ever going to use one, it's when our season goes out the window on a commentator's curse. Yeah, and I'm sorry to the other but I had to express how I felt and how I think a lot of New Zealanders felt. Yeah, and I think it summed it up because we're also looking for someone to put it on absolutely.

And Chris Key is the one. So Chris Key Man.

Another highlight of.

The game, it was going around on social media, was the you know they do when you play in camera? They blow the Viking Yes, which is such a crocod shit that last year they had a guy come out and he was on his deathbit. He's about ninety eight years old and he blew it. I was like, no, he's like dying of impisema and he's up there blowing a thirty foot horn.

No he's not. So they've obviously got a button and the theater.

Don't run the theater, you curmudget.

So we were talking about that in the commentary and the build up to it, and we were talking about it so much that we got distracted and didn't notice that there was a guy ripping a cam cone directly behind him, which is old schools to fashion a cancne I've always said, give us stone to some weed and nothing to smoke it with, and you'll give birth to a physician that.

Would rival Albert Einstein.

They'll just find an apple or a pineapple or a cone or whatever.

And I thought that was one of the most rugby league things of all times.

Yeah, and he was celebrated throughout the rugby league community as well, ended up on RL roast everywhere.

Yeah.

Absolutely, it's it is one of the you know over in the States and they're legalizing it and blah blah blah' saying it's not a drug that grows in the dirt.

I have seen a van full of painters out side a bar in Auckland at the traffic lights, and I was sitting outside. It was down kind of by Britamart and the guy in the front seat just had a huge bong and he ripped the bong and then just passed it to the back, and there were three other dudes in the back.

If you're in a paper's van, you might as well just take the lids off the paint and roll the windows up, probably of the same effect. But shout out to the cancn Go anyway, if you want to head to a Warrior's game, we've got a VIP experience for you to win all thanks to Helenstein's. We want to hook you up with an exclusive opportunity to be that

Everywhere you go, leisure club and what's the what's the.

How they want leisure club? Sporting leisure something like that. Yeah, but that absolutely everywhere. It's like when you buy a car and all of a sudden you see the car overwhere else. I'm now seeing leisure club stuff absolutely everywhere. We I took one of the hoodies home and it's immediately been stolen by the missus. Yeah, and she is just wearing it everywhere. It's too late, it's over. She's fleeced it. Just well, it is a Monday, so a

They blew out some pretty good, top ranked players and he made.

A cat because he I think he started at like five over yeah, and then he made the cut. Because when I saw that, I was like Jesus. But then I saw the leader at that time was like Shane Lowry was only four under yeah. And I think it was a Xander Shoffley one. Yes, I think he was only two under yeah. At the unusual conditions.

It's so so the open to have like torrential rain and like a Tiger Woods shank one and made me feel so good. I saw him slice went onto the railway tracks and I was like.

Rory mckleroy, I think I was at home, and I was like, yes, because that's exactly what I would have done.

One of us, yeah, one of us.

Wo.

I once hit a cow in side of the head so hard off of Tea and Wyman. It just snap, snap a slice and yeah, bounced. He got hard heads though he wouldn't even notice.

Nah.

But then I was like looking at the ball, I could see it. I was like, I'm not going to net paddock. That's thing's gonna kill me. But anyway, Hilly already finished nineteenth in the end, Yeah, because we I chucked the Hundi on him finishing in the top forty. Yeah, it was the Rick des bit. Yeah, paying teckt these top forty, paying eight bucks too, so and he comfortably did it coming nineteenth, and Foxy I think came in at twenty five. So not on a bad performance from those two.

Kiwis No, not at all.

While we're holding ourselves accountable though our other one was on the all Blacks game of suf more a Billy Procter or Artisavia first price score. I think they all scored, yes, but they weren't the first unfortunately. And then the one that hurt me the most was Raiders first New Zealand Warriors. Our hunch for that was a successful field goal in the match. Yeah, I saw one attempted. Yeah, and then also we yeah, because we had to snap off a

That was a golden point.

Game, all ends up, but unfortunately no, and then our three way hunch car let us down.

Ah. So I think we actually gave you a bit because you weren't here on Friday because last week he came in with Mark Talia, so we're like he's been replaced for Caler Clark. We'll give you Caler Clark again. Came in yep. I went South Africa v. Portugal. The line was thirty six and a half. South Africa put a cricket score on them, and then car let us down with a donkey at rose Hill, which I think is still going around this morning, my favorite racing joke.

And so that one didn't come in either.

But not overall, not a bad week for the SEC and we'll be paying out this Monday, which is always a good feeling.

Yeah. Absolutely.

I had my I do a hunch on herdecke breakfast as well, and I had it all blacks forty plus and a Chiefs player to be the first try scorer. I was so close.

Who was the first try scorer?

It was Cayleer Clark, Yeah, yeah, it was jabb A the butt, but second to score I think was cort Corti and I was like.

Yeah, a bit of a blowout. Look, we'll take a quick break and we come back. We're going to break down that game over there in San Diego or the All Blacks went over to snap Dragon Stadium in San Diego and absolutely demolished FIGI as I think everyone thought they would. Basically, the game went almost exactly how we thought it was going to. But I would say that the first ten to fifteen minutes were hardly a great advertisement for the game. We no a lot of kicking,

It's like, why, Yeah, why was it in San Diego? Oh why?

I don't think you're going to lock the answer to this. But I heard that they were gonna host it in Hamilton, and then San Diego said, look, we've got a bit of marketing budget, we'll pay us to come over here. And so New Zealand Rugby had the option to play in Hamilton or in San Diego. And this might hurt your feelings, but they decided to play.

In San Diego.

As as Matt Heath pointed out this morning, rugby is under attack from so many codes in New Zealand, whether it's the NRL, NBA, NFL, in bl in bl you know what I mean, like just in general, and to take it away from fans and go elsewhere for a bit of publicity coin And I don't think that's going to change anyone's mind that game. No, Like if it was in dinner Our, they would have been awesome.

If you'd sold there and sold family packages to flights, accommodation tickets to all blacks Fiji and dinner ow they'll buss you over to Nandy or whatever tooka that would have been awesome.

Yeah, that would have been awesome.

And you know, Fiji tourism probably was stumped up a little bit of cash, probably not as much as San Diego. How many people are going to San Diego now as a result of that, not me, just a few junkets. Bonnie Jensen on a junket. Bonnie Jensen James mcconiy, Yeah, it will be about it. Yeah, how much did they pay to go over there? Nothing? And who got interviewed before the game as well. He's over there, he playing, isn't he four or five years he's about seventy three

Yeah, and it was like that's.

Like I said, it's a W. Though I see that to the met and Jerry will take the W. But I just found it a strange.

Hollow W because it was taken over there or because of the score. Yeah, it's funny you say that. The decision between San Diego and Hamilton reminds me of when Stephen Donald once he tells a story that he was asked to go over to the south of France in the bye week of a Super Rugby season, so he was leaving the Chiefs at the end of that season, and so his agent said, Hey, there's a team in the south of France that want to take you over there,

He said nat.

So he stays at home and has his barbecue in Hamilton. The next year he's playing for bath Over in the UK. Yeah, they go over and play. I forget the name of the city. It might have been Nice or something like that, somewhere in the south of France. He goes over there, they finished the game. He rings his agents straight away. He's like, why the fuck didn't you tell me how nice it is down here? I could have been playing down here the whole time. And he goes, mane, I told you it was nice.

But you stuck around to cook some sizzlers in Hamilton.

Your loser. And he said he'd make the same decision again today if you.

And another bit of controversy from that game, and look I'm a bit of criticism for you know, discussing females in sport, and that was the greatest anthem I have ever heard.

It was flawless. I thought it was slightly slow, but flawless. Pitchy to start, pitchy to start, she finally settled on a key.

No complaints from me. One of the best anthems I've ever seen.

Brilliant.

I think we should move on. I don't know if you've seen this. Yes, great news, I love it.

Yep.

So he has decided that he is well.

He signed a new contract with New Zealand Rugby which will take him through to the next World Cup over in Australia. But domestically he is making the switch from Wellington to Wina Pacifica.

I think that's awesome. That is what Moina Pacifica needs.

Yes, get t Puvai in there, get some of a Penny finale and the.

Enna Frazel's contract after next year.

Yeah, get it, do it. It's awesome.

I love it.

It's good for Moina Pacifica. Yeah, he will come up here and live with his brother.

Well, I mean they did the old Yarnis and it's a combo trick where you signed the brother to try and get the star.

Player ola the grooming. Yeah, that's right.

I think I think a lot of these super rugby players want to eventually move to Auckland, particularly when they're sort.

Of inclined like media inclined like Ardias.

He's done podcasts and things like that, So I think it's a good way of him to move to Auckland without playing for the Blues, without having to do a Bowden Barrett, you know. So I think it's good too because Mina Pacifica haven't really landed on an identity or a fan base or anything, you know, and they kicking stripped of the best players after every year. Yeah yeah, Lebe Moors now down at the Crusaders. So I Nawey

So I think it's great.

How did you watch the video that he put up of the announcement? Did he talk about himself in the third person?

He actually didn't talk in this one. I think he said something like Mona, let's go or something like that. Because if he didn't said the last time he negotiated his own contract, and he congratulated himself on social media by interviewing himself. That's an all time I'd love to know what he thinks about that. A few years on from interviewing himself about his own contract.

It probably still stands by it to be fair. But I'm not going to bring it up with him, but maybe you'll find the right time in place.

I was gonna as him about it when I saw him at the airport the other day. I decided against it. You know what, I'd rather make the flight.

Now because that was awkward because we were lining out free security and it's like saying hi to someone at the supermarket. You keep coming back past them.

Oh, I know.

It's the worst you see someone at the thing, because then you're like, oh, do you have to catch a flight?

What do you reckon?

And then you see them ten seconds later walking back the other way, yeah, and you're like.

Yeah, it is a little disappointing.

I think I mean not to go back over it again, but I do think the trade, like the whole trades free agency thing and super Rugby, that kind of came out of nowhere. No one even really knew that he was redoing his contract or whatever. You know.

But it's weird that the rugby union decide where they go as well, and this contracted centrally, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I find weird. It's like he signed with the rugby Union and is playing for one. I like the rugby Union. These the puppeteers of where players go. No, no, no, it's probably that's probably a massive generalization, but that's what

That's what we kind of see is strip back everything and just have MPC and then just draft them into Super Rugby like all NPC or Club Rugby, Super Club Rugby Super. Yeah you know what I mean. Like Sulkland was Mentionedalkland have four teams. Yeah, Amilton there's two.

Yeah, Maintain there's two, Crostich has two, Dunedin has one, South And has one, Tasman has one. Super It's like Super Club. That's the draft system to go into Super Rugby.

Yeah.

Anyway, look, I think it will work, but we've talked about it. Ans in the next change. Sports scholarships up and running at the moment. This is where binge watching sport is a sport and if you want to win that, you text Chip two three two three six, follow the link and you could be in to have Glan come and meet you at a car park somewhere near your house to drop it off. We had the first winner. He didn't have a car park. No, No, he was

I mean, it was a great deal for him because he got a couple of boxes of Snacker Changy's. He got a bunch of merch. You got some some delicious beverages from Export Ultra And.

The only risk was that Batman was going to sharp and kick both your arses. But he was pretty happy. I'll tell you that it's a great price to win. So just text Chip to three two three six and get involved. Absolutely speaking, you get involved. Let's take one more ad break when we come back. It's yours, please, yours please, brought you by Leader Home of the Top.

Just a few of them to get through today.

But I will say across the weekend we had someone's kid get hold of their phone and they just pressed the old.

Button do do Do Do do.

Then hung up. So just be iought I was going to play it that. I was like, you know what, I'm not going to bother. You know, we're talking about following kids around, filming them at the library.

Let's just stay clear of it.

So first, particularly particularly the content of the of the calls that we get through, I don't want any kids involved in this.

So first call here yours please.

Fuck you Cazi, we had that game in the bag and Fox South Carebra there you go.

I agree with that.

Everyone came through at eleven forty two. At eleven forty six, the same number sent in another one basically saying the same thing, and again at eleven forty eight. Do you think you just forgot that he did it each time? Was he just making sure at least one of the times he forgot? But I think it was just it just hurts so much and in these in these trying times, we always look for someone to blame things on.

And Chris chris Key's our straw man. On this occasion, it was Chris.

After the commentary, he goes just I thought we would get way more backlash on the text machine than we got and I was just like, I wasn't reading them out, but you can have a look, if you can have a look at you, if you'd like, I would recommend you don't.

Ye.

He had a look and it was brutal.

It was basically every now and then, you know, the a sec hive mind, we'll just kicking and we'll get the same text a million.

Times in a row with fuck you Chris Key, with some sort.

Of variation of fuck you Kesey the whole way down again. I don't think it was Sanel Harris Deaveta's fault, to be honest, probably not Chris's fault either, but if you're looking for people to blame it on, ye, Unfortunately Casey threw himself in front of that bus.

Another caller here, yours.

Please, they've always se from there.

I laid again, it's what the scot on that, because we know about someth you know.

Yeah, Jesus, that's the lights off.

It's lights off, and he's having a spar The family's inside, or the missus is inside, the sparkles out in the deck there. He hasn't even got the bubbles on because it's too loud. Yeah, so you can just hear it gurgling in the background, just the kind of him just sloshing around in.

There, wallowing around in genital soup.

There's a reason why the podcast are late every now and then, because we obviously waiting for an announcement of some description or we're interviewing someone. So every now and then it's a couple of hours late.

Yeah.

So last week there was we had an interview, and then there was the All Blacks team and the cricket and the cricket so yeah, look that's going to be a little late every now and then. But when we do that, it's because we want to make sure we put the best product out. We can't and some would say that the earlier they are, the shipter they are. But anyway, apologies and thank you very much for bringing that to our attention.

Another call here yours please.

Before this fucking soccer shed of late.

A few of the boys want to know, would a round ball do any different to rugby.

Let's get rid of the shape, put a round one in there and played by the same rules. Some of the boys reckons it will be a whole new game. I reckon I do.

Fuck all, what do you think, right?

So this is just rugby. Just have a round ball SoC soccer ball to play with. Okay?

Think you can punt a round ball a long way like those drop cacks that those goalies do go about eighty meters?

Yeah, they do. I think.

First off, the bat passing would be a nightmare passing a round ball. You couldn't pass as far, I don't think.

Also, yeah, the.

Other part is you're holding quite a large ball now as you're running and to get tackled there You know, when two dudes hold those big Swiss balls and at each other.

That's my favorite thing on YouTube to watch. So I like it when three people do it because one person takes all of the kinetic energy out of Yeah, and now that and doesn't that. No one knows which one and.

It's like double bounce and your cousin on the trampolines should see it. So I think there'd be a bit of that action. Yeah, the kicking would be a little weird. I don't know about like, I think kicking will be fine. Well, the thing is like a grubber. The advantage of it being an oval ball is that it's going to pop up for you to catch.

But now a grubb is just going to roll across the carpet.

And you know exactly with the bounce of the ball as well. Yeah, with a chip kick, yeah, chip kick's just going to pop up perfectly for you. You know exactly where it's going. I think conversions would be easier. Would you take them off a tee or is it off the ground?

Oh that's a good question.

I think you would probably still go off the t wouldn't you, because you're trying to kick it up.

I think the passing will look awkward. It look like it kind of a cross between netball.

And Yeah, the passing will look ridiculous. I think that the game would be worse for having it, but I do think that it would be.

Can you kick it as far as a rugby ball?

Some of those goalies kick it a hell of a long way.

I was watching it when I was watching the Europe's I was like, man, that guy timed that and from the outside of the box and it went pretty much to the other end of the field.

Yeah.

Look, I think obviously it to make the game worse, otherwise we would have done it one hundred years ago. Yeah, but it would be interesting to watch, surely, surely like a social club to play a quarter of rugby with a sob a soccer ball, just to see what would happen. I think it would change the completion of goalkicking. I don't know in which direction. I think they'd be more accurate than lest accurate. Yeah, probably would have helped us on the weekend the worries.

I think you could kick it from a sixty meters I reckon.

Yeah, probably just on that by the way, And I know I've said this before on the podcast, but it's just come back into my brain. I think I think goal kicking shouldn't be part of rugby or rugby league. I think it's not when you take a helicopter year, it's an odd thing. If it didn't exist, we wouldn't invent it if we invented If rugby league didn't exist and we invented it tomorrow, it would not be part of it. Because if you're at the meeting and you're like, right,

Would you?

Are you saying get rid of conversions all kicking, So no penalty kicks, kicking, no penalty kick. No droppies, no dropies, just tries, Yeah, just tries. Try fest golden point is just golden try. You just keep going til someone scores a try. I'm down with that because I think the only thing it does is it rewards players for scoring in the middle of the field as opposed to the sides.

It's like, we.

Played well, yeah, we played better than they did, I would say, yeah.

And when you're scoring more tries in your opposition you lose, and then you still lose.

It's like why because there's other bullshit part of the game. Yeah, I don't know, does my head and I think we should do a worth it. They never will, but certainly could have saved us on the weekend.

All right, I think that'll do us for today.

For a Monday episode of the Agenda, we are heading out to Mount Smart Stadium myself and Die Henward to interview a few of the Warriors for the Mad Monday podcast, So make sure you keep an eye out for that one. And apologies to anyone sitting in their spa bath this afternoon, that one will be a little later than usual, Jesus Christ, so bear with us there, but yeah, enjoy that and otherwise we'll see you tomorrow for a Tuesday episode of the A Gender Podcast.

You've been listening to the hcci's Agender Podcast, brought to you by Export Ultra. For more episodes, like and follow on iHeartRadio for of you get your podcast