Live from the Export Beer Guden's studio and brought to you by Export Ultra the bear for Here. This is the Agenda Podcast for Tuesday, the twenty third of July.
The Agenda Podcast, the home of Sporting Nonsense and clap Trap, brought to you by Next bort A Vulture.
Good morning, mat Heith, Good morning when I Stuart, how are you? Yeah? Good? Thank you mate.
You're just sending a text and you brought up a conversation that's quite near and dear to my heart at the moment.
Yeah, I still pepper my text missus with text messages with emojis, even though I feel nef doing it. But I tend to be quite curt in my communications, so I need the tech emojis to make it a weird to the person. I'm not being an asshole, Yeah, so do I.
So what I'll generally do is send a thumbs up at the end to be like cool, we're both in agreeance.
This is the end of the conversation here. Yeah, but that's now considered sarcastic.
It's been brought to my attention by Ella that it's now considered egg and that's not how I meant it. At all, yeah, what I'm sending thumbs ups out to people? Yeah, I mean, come on, because the other because the other thing that's happening at the moment is people have a certain age bracket will send a dot dot dot, and there.
Glane sends a terrible dot dot dot. Glane is always dot dott he me, and I feel like he's pass egg in the fuck it? Yeah. Yeah, So it's like, are you coming dot dot dot? Yeah, You're like, what are the repercussions if I don't come? I know where am I? I am? I supposed to be here and I've I've missed something up? What's going on though? Dot dot dots? I don't know what? What are the dot dot dots mean? I don't know.
It stresses me to bits when you get a texture of because it is sweet man, have a good weekend, dot dot dot, And.
I'm like, what, I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, what do you say? Now? I'm my head for the next two hours, Like, have a good weeknd dot dot dot. He's saying I'm not working at enough? What are you saying?
So?
Then what I I because that means something else is coming dot dot dot. Right, That's what I understood.
It as yeah, but I stumbled across a video on Instagram reels because I'm too old for TikTok, and it was explaining the difference there as apparently. You know, when people first started texting, it was expensive to see multiple texts, so to separate ideas, they would put dot dot dot so they would be like, I'm talking about this thing dot dot dot. Now I'm talking about a different thing dot dot dot. So they could send multiple pieces of
information in one text. Now that it's so cheap to text, you can just literally put them in.
Separate texts to the ideas and some RelA is just fooling us all through anxiety, the whole accs on tindercs because we don't know we've done to pass off g lane because it was dot dot dots yeah.
When he would just be like, hey, great work this week, dot dot dot, have a great weekend, dot dot dot. Did I fuck something up at work that I don't know about? Are you still doing the commentary tonight, dot dot dot.
Are you're saying that I'm going to get I'm going to go out to getting drunk or you know previously I haven't turned up on time, or what do you say yeah, or like multiple question marks at the end of a question. That one gets me as well, like, oh my god, what have I done? I used to put a lot of exclamation marks and there. I don't know why, but I'll be like, hell you again, exclamation mark?
Why am I doing that again? To try and ease the like soften the blow of yeah, say that we're having a bit of a fun yeah, yeah, yeah, Because I mean there's a lot of nuance in someone's face and tone of their voice when you're talking to you talking to them that that's like, you know, when one of our podcasts or something goes before some kind of broadcasting standards authority, or like when something on your radio show and then you see it written down in the
paper when the you know, when the complaint has been adjudicated on it just sounds so terrible now because they can't hear the cheeky, chicking timber in their voices. Yeah, And they're like, so did you did you not say so? Yeah? On paper? That looks bad. I didn't say it like that, you know, Yeah, there was always good a smile. Did you say I'm definitely going to kill that guy? No, two ways about it? Yeah, but it was worth it. But there was a little bit of yeah Tati sauce
on it. There's a little bit of mail in there that you sort of you're taking away from me. Oh get it. Get involved on the old voicemail there and let us know what what emoji is? A past egg? What aren't? Yeah, what's coach to use anymore? And I've got to say, that's why the talkback function on the Oh Heart radio app is so good and you guys use it so effectively. Well, I'm gonna say, askers been on the gene of three years on and off, we use so well, it's because you get the full meaning
from the voice. Yeah, there's no like pass egg emojis. So they go fuck South Canterbury. You know that they mean it in a cheeky way. I take it as a term of endement.
But again, like you say, when you see it written down on social media, now you've run from my hometown. Set him out, like, hey, why is everyone saying fox South Canerbury? Now, yeah, you're a Trader's then the more you protest, the more fuck South you get. But anyway, your fire those fire those voicemails through. I had a situation. You said that I'd like to run past your problem shared as a problem halved.
Yeah, and I'd like owning the narrative is important. I think it like if whenever I do something humiliating, I want to talk about it because it's like you're giving it a way. You know, you're shining light on it. Yeah, you're shining light on it. Yeah.
And so I'd like to shine a light on something that happened to me yesterday. Blessed to have the opportunity to go out to Mount Smart Stadium and interview a few of the Warriors. Marcelo Montour, Luke, Metcalfe, Jazz Tavunger sat down with these guys and as soon as Jess Deevunger sat down and I said, mate, how's the rehab going?
And he goes, I'm not in rehab. Oh. I was like, oh, yeah, he's been.
He was out for like three weeks about three months ago, and he's played ever since.
And he was just like the Die. I was out there with Die as well. I just got done.
Any research for this, and I was just absolutely humiliated to kick me up all night. The first first question I asked something Salvo open opening question that I asked and the most the weirdest part about is that I've commentated all of the games that he played.
I know he played them. Yeah, And I don't know why I asked him that you probably know more about what's going on in sport in New Zealand there nearly anyone. I mean, every day you're doing this podcast, every day you're re searching it. You know, you commentate the games. I've watched every game he's playing, you know it all. I know where he's from, I know who he's played for. Well, you can't Beatpedal with that. You go, hey, I know every I do actually know everything.
I know?
Yeah, And so what what I'm chalking it up to is he was a late swap, so we were supposed to interview someone else, so without warning, we interviewed maslom on t work first. And I hate jest of angers in because Ali Latawa was supposed to do it but he can't. And I freaked out because I've done all this prep and I think if I'm guilty of anything, was over prepping.
I looked down at my piece of paper. My first question was, first question, is just a nerve settler for the interviewer. Yeah, you find once it gets going, but you just don't want to fuck up on the first question. Ironically, it's your prep that is that's that is actually really fruct you.
I didn't need to write anything down. I know everything about these players. I don't know why I got so flustered about it. And it couldn't happened to you know a bit of Bloken that he is quite an interimidating man to meet. Just yeah, he's got quite a scary aura about him.
Yeah, and that was the first question I opened with, and I was like, wow, well, coincidentally humiliated myself. Today. I was talking on the radio show yesterday about how there's a problem with rugby union in New Zealand. I was watching the rugby with acc commentator Lee Baker at the morning side tavern, and we were just talking about Edmund and changing the rules and how we can make it better and talking about the problems with the administration
of the game. And I was saying to him at the time, there's a real problem with rugby union that everyone's always talking about how they can improve the game rather than just being involved in the game. You know what I mean, It's not really what you do when you're watching league, you're not really trying to improve improve
the game. You might be talking about improvement of the team you're supporting, but not the whole administration from the top down right through the rule changes that might make it better. Anyway, after quite a few bottles of red, I came with the idea that that rugby would be a better without flankers without just get rid of the flankers, because what are they doing, if you thinkers, Because if anything,
what is their job? I mean, they're great at putting people on the back, but in a way they're stopping play. You know, they're coming off and stopping play. That's kind of their job. I'm talking about, you know, six and seven here, And I got a text through from Karenry because of then I raised it on Monday and he said, that's the shittest idea I've everheard, And and that was
quite a confronting text. Should have Stoy ever heard? And I said, And then so he producers got him on to talk about it today and the show and he came in hot and I had him with what do you know? You know, what would you know try to defend myself. So then I said, okay, well, what too, would you want to get rid of it? He goes, well, we trying to get rid of anything but anything. We'll get rid of some of the show ponies, you know out why And I said, okay, well you need the
wings right, because the excitement machine. So I said, what wich one of the centers would you get rid of then? And he goes, well, that's fucking stupid, because if you got rid of the first, if you got rid of twelve or thirteen, then they'd become whichever one you got rid of. There only be one. Yeah, so it wouldn't matter which one you got rid of. You've amalgamated that. Yeah.
Someone coming with this hot take and then immediately humiligating myself with well, which one of the centers you want to get rid of? And he's like, well, it doesn't make a difference with that, make which one you got rid of, because then they would become the only center.
Yeah, your muppet shot insider outside, they just become thus center.
So I'm on the back foot with a half thought out, drinken idea of getting rid of flankers you've got an all black camp and saying that's a stupid idea and coming up with some really good reasons why that's the case that they are a stupid idea, and then then I follow up with an even stupid suggestion. You know, I well, I think.
If anything, you were halfway to a great idea there. I agree with you. I think we should have been the flankers. Yeah, I think you get number eight can do all that. But more gaps, yeah, more so, many gaps that's the guar, that's the key. More gaps up the guts. I think that we would all agree that scrummery sets are boring. I don't think you should push in the scrums and rucks are too confusing. We should when you get tackled, you stand up, you play the ball.
This is the problem that you start getting rid of line out and could just make the scrums of the ball just comes out and it's just it's just like holding up the forwards for a little bit. Why is it five points for before you know?
And a drop goal should only be one unless you kick it from forty meters out then it should be too.
I agree. I definitely think that things I think we've got to get rid of as marks. I think marks are so stupid. Why would you want to stop the game and make it easier if you've got a great positional kick and that puts the fullback, say in a difficult position. Yeah, bloody great, that's exciting.
Yeah.
Also has to step round is to find something exciting to do the fact that they can just stop the game and then have a free kick. Why do we have a mark?
Because in rugby league you kick for the corners so that you can contest it in the air and potentially score a tray. You don't do it in rugby union because if your opponent catches it, it's a mark and the plays over. Yeah, so it would bring in chipkekes for tries a bit more as well. Why is the twenty two metal line at the twenty two metal line? Why isn't it twenty Well?
Yeah, and another one is okay, this is another controversial opinion. I've got get rid of the advantage rule. You're just playing zombie rugby the whole time. There's an advantage and people playing it doesn't mean anything. Whatever the defense do it they and whatever amazing thing the defender does. I think maybe three. You know, they're talking NFL of a football play which just means something like football, and then
that negates the situation that we're talking about a football play. Well, so it's like a couple of steps or right, it's just such as some play. So I'm saying three football plays and then the advantage is over, so that it could be a pass, it could be a kick, could be a tackle. Three football players and the advantage is over.
Otherwise we're just playing so much football that doesn't count for anything because the attack can just do whatever they want because basically it goes forever until they lose the ball or they score. Right, that's what advantage does now, And I know in the rules it says that you have to have an advantage that overcomes the advantage of the penalty, right, which is so vague and no reference
to call that. So they just let it go until there's a knock on or there's a cock up and they go back, and that can go for phase after phase after face. So I say, get rid of the advantage. The other thing is it should be illegal. God, now we start now, don't get me started over it. It should never be a situation. This pisses me off so much.
Where a team knocks on knocks a ball on right, and then there's a scrum, and then we all know that scrums are just basically the art of trying to make it look like the other guy has has committed a penalty, and so someone knocks it on and the next thing, you know, the opposition that gets three points and they were the ones that didn't knock it on because of some penalty that no one knows that. You know that the someone's just pushed and they're not pushed,
just pushed and then pulled on. Someone's sure felt like he was pushing and then went down, then up and marked it around. You should never be able to get three points, which is so much in a game, yea, more than when it was you that bloody it was your team that knocked the ball on. I know this.
This goes back to one of the half back sports ideas I've had, which was the Uno reverse card, which which is once a game, when a card is handed out to your team, your captain's allowed to play a reverse card and it's actually handed back to the other team. So when he players gets red carded, you go no Una reverse or controversially, the pack up five, which is
you've now got six dudes in the bed. I don't know, but the problem was as you could intentionally red card one of your players knowing you've got the UNO reverse card. So not only have you knocked someone out, and you're also double jeopardy in them and kicking someone else off their team. And the only retort to that rule was, Yeah, that exact situation where you could be the one infringing and then get penalized speaks exactly Tepe Scrumbs speaking.
Of you know, four point it's for a try as opposed to five points. I don't know have told you this, but I was going to watching a lot of rugby in a lot of league with these two American friends of mine. I know them, Yeah, you know them. And then like three months, four months into us watching games every week together, the guy who's he actually was a running back. He played a running back, went to college playing as a running back, so he's deep in the
world of NFL. But he goes, Okay, I've got to ask, how come sometimes try as a four points and sometimes they're five points? And you realize at that point he didn't know that there was a difference between league, even though it's to us it's so clear because we brought up with that. But he couldn't he couldn't tell the difference uff for three months of watching the game. So
he'd just been watching rugby in his mind. Yeah, just the entire time rugby, because you think rugby league wring a union, you know, you probably think, oh, sometimes I say do you want to watch the league and sometimes you want to watch the rugby. That's probably the way I describe it. And yeah, so it's amazing they're very close if you're I mean in that what's the really interesting thing with the NRL NRL trying to make it
break into America with the games of Las Vegas. Then you've also got the All Blacks playing Fiji and San Diego. It's like, but they can't. They don't even know, they've got no idea, They've got no idea. And just quickly on those two people as well. They're in an NFL fantasy league. Yeah, yeah, they were down in CHRISTI I was down visiting my mum. We're wandering around the shops and I saw through the window I saw these two people. I was just like, oh shit, that from my fantasy league.
And I went to go and say good out to them. All my mum, whod was? Those two people are from my fantasy? And then I walked out of the thing, and so I'm having a yarn to them and Mum's standing off to the side like what the fuck is going on here?
And then we get in the cash he goes, what just happened? Yeah, rather from my fantasy league's I thought you said that from your fantasy and then went and hit them.
Up another hour I spent punishing Lee Baker thirty five minutes because he doesn't drink as much as me. Was on how rugby union does not equate into fantasy and that's a real problem for it going forward. Well, I chewed Shannon Fizzel's ear off about this the other day. Actually, that was probably this is a side conversation from me. Yeah, from we're probably having that conversation. This probably comes from you.
He's thought about it, he's thought about it, and he's got ideas of how it would work. It'd be like rucks clean, first man to the rock, blah blah blah. But you're right, it doesn't. On the one hand, it's like, yes, it would be too confusing, it's too chaotic a game. On the other hand, I play fantasy rugby league, and I don't understand how the points are just out of it.
So, you know, it's.
Hypocritical to be like, how would it work when I play? When I have two fantasy leagues our, I don't know how they work.
Well, yeah, well, the thing with the NFL is it's clear a running back runs a certain amount of distance, you know, yeah, you know, a receiver catches a certain amount of passes, scores the cinema touchdowns to runs with and in a quarterback, and.
Then the offensive line the defense is all one one.
So maybe you could do that with rugby union. Yeah, yeah, your Ford pack would be all one.
But right then, the long short of all of that is absolutely humiliated myself talking.
To Jess Vunger and how did you come back? I made a few more jokes about it. Yeah.
And then the very next person that we interviewed was Luke Metcalf and he was sitting out in the thing and he said I heard all of that, and I said, great, so he's actually been injured and that's who the question was for. So I said, well, my first question was actually for you, But what I might do now is just ask you how the game went on the weekend, and so he sat there. I was like, looke, Metcalfe, you played on the weekend three tries? How did that feel?
But he was just he went along with it. He was like, mate, felt great to get the three tries, obviously disappointed that we didn't win, blah blah blah. So we made a bit of a joke about it. But that didn't stop me from working up in a cold sweat at three a him.
But he didn't get to interview Big Mitch, because I'd love to know how you turn around from State of O with a compulsory celebration to then for the Warriors.
Well, he looked buggered, yeah, but he played well, played well he I'm just glad I didn't say that to Mitch because I interviewed him last year and he might be the scariest man I've ever interviewed.
That's part of his like sense of humor.
It's just dead pan delivery, which is funny when you're just a normal guy. But when you are like who we'd send out if the Aliens invaders.
That's a completely different thing. It's way scarier. Have you ever interviewed Rockoberry? No? No, I haven't. He's a huge fan of the single word answer huge right straight. Bat comes across like a nice guy, but he's a yes no kind of guy. Well he was who I asked them, all, you're going over to Las Vegas. Yeah, as you guys get off the plane, who's the one player that the coach is pull aside and say hey, keep alert on it this weekend. And pretty much all three of them
were like, oh, rocobery. So that's available on the Mad Monday podcast. Go and listen to myself, absolutely humiliate myself. And we also have a flyaway trip to watch the Warriors or thanks to helen Stein's if you want to win that VP Warriors experience tickets cash Bunny food for beverages plus US food for beverages, money for food and beverages, plus bouches to be kitted out by the legends at helen Stein's text VIP to three two three six. You could be the VIP at the Warriors thanks to the
ACC and helen Stein's brothers. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back, all right.
Matt's administration this morning. I feel like this is a good PSA to dish out on this podcast. The Olympics start this weekend.
Amazing. The Olympics sways this to me. It's not gonna start, it's not gonna starts miles away. It's miles away. Then boom, it's starting and early and very yeah, stupid o'clock in the morning.
So the opening ceremony is at six thirty am this Saturday, which, let's be honest, you're not going to get up to watch.
You will all watch the replay later on down the track.
But our sevens and our football teams are in action early, both men's and women. They start on Thursday. I actually I think it's Thursday morning two thirty, which actually, in
my mind is Wednesday night. They traditionally start a couple of days ahead of the opening ceremony because the tournaments takes so fucking long to get through entire Sure what the rules are around the football, It's like you've got to be under twenty three, but then four ears can be thirty or yeah, I don't know, something confusing about that. But then yeah, men's and women sevens go early. I'm pretty excited about this. I mean, Hamish Kerr had a good good win earlier this week.
The high jumper. I think the guy who won gold last year, one of the two guys that won gold last Olympics was out of that one. So I don't know how much to read into that, but great prep going into that one. Have you seen the spray on shoes that they are bringing in. I have not.
Oh, So what they've done is this new shoe company has come out and they've invented a way where they can three D print a shoe basically, and so they do it on the day that you're racing. They take a mold of your foot, then they've got a robotic arm that swings around and sprays shit all over the mold.
Then you take that off put it on your foot a single years shoe. Wow. Yeah.
One of the front runners for the marathons, she just recently won the Boston Marathon wearing these shoes.
Wow. So it's like only a matter of time before they just spray your whole shit onto So they're just perfect for that day, perfect for that time, because.
I think, Wow, and the guy got the idea from and went to a Halloween party and someone was setting up and they were spraying like fake spider.
Webs all over the place.
Yeah, and he looked at that and he's just like, can you.
Make shoes out of that? Yeah? Well, imagine it would feel amazing, because you know when you first, when you get a new set of running shoes that you'll run until whatever stupid foam that they've invented now that apparently is going to make everything fine, you'll never get an injury, but only lasts a very short amount of time before it beads. But when you first put that running shoes on and you go to the athlete's foot or whatever the other one's called, boy, those shoes feel fricking great
the first time you put them on. So I guess that would be part of it. It would just be this shoe feels amazing, it'd be great for your confidence. One hundred grams lighter than any of the other shoes. That's going to make a difference over a marathon over forty two kilometers. Yeah.
What's going to happen, though, is this is what always happens with this kind of stuff. The average punter is going to pick those shoes up because it's us that find running so fucking hard. So we're going to be like, oh, well, look if I if I can take any shortcut here, give me the old spray on shoes. It's like it's never going to make the same impact on you as it is on them. I have a sneaky suspicion that this is going to be one of those things that they've been in, like a.
Couple of yeah, yeah, like those swimming suits, the shark suits, the shark suits. They're like, that's making people too good. Yeah, which is odd because I mean you could get you could just make everyone wear trunks because the speedo argue a blessing advantage, yea, rather than the kind of trunks I wear to the pool.
Well, I mean I would argue that we should all go back to the original Olympics where everyone was naked. Oh yeah, you know, I feel like that would be the true test of who's the fastest huge advantage.
Oh that's interesting because there's some sorts we had sports we don't want your balls flapping around, right, I mean what sports? Or rugby sevens, Yeah, that'll be one of them. Yeah, football, Yeah.
Play, I don't want to play football at barefoot? Yeah, the bear shoes around, you know, discuss and shot.
Put, yeah in bare feet, greco roaming, wrestling, some of those moves aren't great if both dudes and nude yeah, problematical Well well I'm not saying they're not great, but I'm saying they're very different. It's a very different sport, that's right. But that they were wrestling in the nude in the original Olympic, well, that's right. You could easily. I mean, i'd be concerned around. Uh, maybe you see someone in the crowd or something. Next thing, you know,
you're signaling your interest. Well, just mildly, like it wouldn't be like a full situation should be enough for people to know a half there's a half. Actually, you'd be like, as you'd be looking for that, wouldn't you look looking around for someone to get your half interested, just to
if you're wrestling, Yeah, I know. Just I mean in any sport if you're nude, but particularly so it's looking at the whole thing's looking a little bit better because like they don't know if it's a half or that's that's full resting state, if you know what I mean I do.
I feel like we're about to get canceled. So I'm going to stare us away from the rest of this conversation. We're going to take one more quick break. We have about ten different yours pleases to get through. Okay, so we're going to take a quick break here before we do. The Snacker Chaney Sports Scholarship is available. We're binge watching. Sport is a sport. If you want to win that,
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Heaps to get Through.
I was actually staggered at the amount that we're in the inbox this morning. This is one of the better parts of the show. Call it yours please.
Yeah, get O Fellows Stacy Cohens here. I'm just wondering if you guys have any judiciary system put in place for the commentators, because Buckney Keysy needs to be put on a report and suspended. That guy is a walking talking commentators curse. I've had enough of it. Also, would like to give a share out to the King, go and go cheers, fucking share Them's.
Good good, said Lungs on that guy. There's a lot going on there. Yeah, so Keysy's I was filmed in the notorist Pantsman Joel Harrison, and he's thinking about running through a commentators stats. Oh yeah on the Warriors. Yeah, because what does other category? Well, no, just stats in terms of games commentated. Oh, two wins. I did this probably too. Fantasy commentator would be quite good, we had stats on them.
There was a halfway sports idea we had a few months ago was acc fantasy commentary. We need someone to put the spreadsheet together. But it would be like jokes landed versus jokes missed. Maybe like a joke percentage liners read, you know, different jokes, repeated jokes.
Repeated commentators.
Curses obviously would be and Keezy I don't did you see the video he had an all timer on the weekend. He said that last kick where Harrisdvita, Yeah, yeah I heard that.
Yeah, and he goes, even Harris DaVita couldn't miss this one.
Yeah.
I was like, oh my god, yeah, but you well, yeah I did hear that.
You can hear the whole room go silent because no one said it was ridiculous that he would miss that, Like, you know, I might have had a brain curse in that because I was like, okay, put that on the bank, all right, So you're already moving on yeah in your mind to to you know, we're all tied up here.
Now what are we going to do? Yeah?
Well, me too, because I selfishly had a bet on a successful field goal in the game.
So right, this is definitely going to gold boy.
But I think if he hadn't have missed, I think he missed two kicks before that.
Yeah he did. Yeah, he's in his head. It was massively in his head. He had the yips. I mean, we scored four tries and converted one with Adam Pompey that we can you know, he converted and then couldn't kick anymore. So yeah, so it's pretty harsh on Chanel.
That's pretty harsh on Chanel, And I think think that that's why so many people have latched onto giving Kezy shit for the commentator's curse, because we need somewhere to put the blame.
Yeah, but I was actually talking about a wider thing than notatorrous pens Man. Actually, I guess we're backstabbackers what we were saying. At what I'm saying he is, But he was saying that the Pantsman's never commentated a game that the Warriors have lost, so he's trying. He's sniffing around some stats because he reckons Keezy's got a terrible record. He does.
Before Friday, Chris and I had commentated seven games together and we sorry. I had commentated seven games and the Warriors had lost six of the seven I had commentated, all right, and the one that I commentated that we won, I commentated with Hurley.
Right.
So Chris and I this year calendar season twenty twenty four have not commentated at Warriors went.
Yeah, but has Kezy commentated a Warriors win?
I feel like him and Die might have done one or two. Someone out there needs to crunch numbers on. That's this important stuff from Joel Harrison.
So I think we need to pull notatorius pantsman Joel Harrison off all his social media responsibilities at Radiohodeki just to get to the bottom of this and have him commentate.
If it's true that he hasn't commentated a Warrior's loss, he should commentate every game for the remainder of the season. Yeah, and I should get my weekends back self asleep. But that right there was so much so much coming through on the text machine to be like, funk, not these.
Guys again, we've always losing. These two commentate, It's so funny how we believe in witchcraft when it comes to sport and nowhere else in our life. And if someone comes up to you and says, you know, you're talking to someone and say, oh, I don't get along with that person because they're you know, and eries or something, you go, you are a crazy spiritual, eerie fairy woo
woo person. Next thing, you know, if you do. You know, the other day, like a two of my friends that I always watched The Warriors with Matt gabon Cas Donaldson. They said the state they rented scooters like Lime Scooters to come down from kro Talk to meet me to watch the game. And they're calling himself the scooter game, the scooter Boys. And as soon as the game was over, I said, you guys fucked it with your scooters. I believe it. Yeah, I believed that they're scootering down somehow.
I believe it quite frankly, it was fucking reckless that they did that. It's fucking stupid to be scootering down. And I've always thought that together. Sports are basically like you say, they are astrology.
For dudes, nothing can impact your mood more than your sports team losing.
Yeah, you're just searching around. That's why they burnt witches, you know, crops failed, You're searching around for someone to blame next, you know, you know, you know, sharing from down the roads on fire and strapped to it. You know, it's it's all kezy, what keasy is? Yeah, I think we've dunk him. I think we submerge him. If he floats, then he was a watch and we burn him. Yeah if he if he sinks, then he worch. But unfortunately, unfortunately he's gone now and at least we don't have
a witch around anymore. Rest in peace. Yeah, another caller here, yours please good flowers loving us.
Reinventing the world, reinventing the game chat.
On rugby with a round ball?
Is that not what the Irish Gaelic ossie rules top gamers?
Anyway?
On that chat, you guys should do some reinventing Olympic sports. You see what you guys can come up with that sort of jazz and uh anyway, fuck Chris Key.
Meanwhile, yeah, so this is off the back of a voicemail that we had the other day where someone was talking at the pub. What impact would replacing a rugby ball with a soccer ball have on the game of rugby union. Yeah, so I don't know if it'll make kicking easier or harder. Like goal kicking, I think passing would be harder. Pass might be much and catching would be much harder.
Chip and chase be way easier. Scrums would be easier. Just put a bit of English on that and world roll right out. Yeah, bounce of the ball, You're never gonna get that crazy bounce. The ball just sits up for the right. Yeah. The man coming through your.
Grubbers will be pinpoint absolutely every time. But yeah, I think the passing would be harder. But I like the idea. How could you make Olympic sports a little bit different. One of my favorite things I remember from athletics day at high school. There was a dude whose party trick was he'd go and pick up the lightest shot but while no one was looking.
He's a massive dude.
They called him Landfill, it was his nickname, and he would step up and just half this thing and like break the school record. Everyone go crazy and then someone had.
Picked the ball up.
Oh if bloody, and it's just got me every year I watched him, This is excellent, So I think if yeah, that kind of thing. I've Julia Ratliffe Ratcliffe Ratlift, She's our hammer thrower. I've wanted to challenge her to a competition where I want to see if I can throw the hammer further than she can throw a lime scooter.
Oh wow, that's interesting. I think that would be quite a feir. Yeah, competition. I mean, what if they just went back to hammers and actually threw ammas, like head down the bunnings and get a hammer and throw that. Is that what it was originally? I've got no idea, but it doesn't look anything like an now it's more of a mace. Yeah, it is a flail. Yeah, it's not a hammer, you know. So do we bring back the hammer? We did talk about Olympic wrestling back in the nud again. Yep.
Why did we stop at equestrian being just horses? I suppose because they're equine, But why couldn't you know, zebra a beer and in the dressage on the back of a codek.
What about if you allow people in the high jump to use the pole from the pole vaulting. Well, I guess that's just pole vaulting then, yeah, I guess that's why they haven't done that. See someone turned up with a pole one day and they go, okay, smart, you're going to have to make a whole new sport your own. You're doing your own thing here. That's totally different. The Frostby flop was amazing. You know, Frosby just turning up one year with the thing that was so different. He
won that year. He wasn't great, but he won that year because no one else was doing it. Next year, he couldn't, you know, he couldn't get arrested in the high jump. I mean that's freaking crazy. Like everyone's doing the scissor and some guy goes, you know what, I'm gonna go over backwards, which seems fucking stupid thing to do. True game changer, but it was an absolute game changer. The Fosbury flop of whatever your sporters would be. Yeah, what was the lift they used to do in the
nipple real quick? Yeah, I like that lift? What about in the commerce games? And like a backboard on the back of the netty? Oh, I've said this for the longest time. They should lower the hoop by a foot and allow dunks and nipple. Yeah, why wouldn't you. They would change the complexion of the game. Yeah, God will change everything, would change everything. I mean you said, like
so basketball without bouncing, that's basically what you do. So it'll be quite quick down the note and then but you've got a backboard and yeah, well.
Here's it for your one on one nipple. How would that change the complexion of that sport? If that's triggered any changes.
That you'd like to see in the Olympics, then make sure that you get in touch with us on the voicemail. We'll move on to another one here, call of yours please.
Good Lads'll weave it inside oil on the All Black Rugby Championship squad. Still down a couple of locks at the moment. I'm hearing from a couple of good inside sources that a nice Stuart is going to be called up for the Rugby Championship. Bug Lock. You know you can do the job, not just sign but off the field. Great for the culture. See interested city, Here you goes thoughts chess Fux south Denbury.
Yeah, very confusing voicemail in one breath putting my name forward for the Black Jersey, and then the other cursing my home province. I may shock you to know I'm a little bit shorter than you probably think I am.
A doctor. Once measured me at six foot and I've never been measured again. Thanks mate. That'll do us, that'll do us, I recond It would probably also shock you even more.
To find out that I played wing when I played rugby. Well it's probably about fifteen kilos ago, to be fair. I think, Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that's a solution.
I mean when we were talking to Richie Wonga down in Dunedin and we said could you go on the field now and playing and goes, shit, no, so much prepped. You know, I'm so out of shape. I can't just get on the field, you know, whatever my skills are. This isn't how we answered this, but his point was you can't just be on a holiday and then suddenly go on the field and being incredible. And some would
argue that I've been on holiday my whole life. So I'm just all I'm saying is I don't think you're going to be ready by the Rugby Championship, is all I'm saying. I'm not saying you don't you couldn't do it, but I'm just saying I don't think you've got the prep time.
August tenth, it is now July twenty thirds. What I got three weeks?
Yeah, to grow a foot, yeah broft, increase my aerobic capacity to Olympic levels, learn all the plays, learn the calls if they weren't testing me.
Even then, I don't think I appreciate the vote of confidence, So I thank you very much.
Another caller here, yours Bleitz.
Good fellas are Wayne kerr Hair. Okay, Yeah, we used to play a game called moon Ball, which was effectively just rugby but with the Swiss ball, and yeah it was just conskin knocked the fuck out. And yeah it was pretty good because you'd get pretty serious bounce. So if you had the biggest third form of versus the smallest third format, that guy got a dislocated shoulder. It was Yeah, it was a good game. It was good good times.
Did you ever have any sport like that at school when you were coming up? Yeah, I feel like we invented a lot of different sports.
Yeah, we had a good one that was called We called it pain and artworked as we had like the sports shit, so they'd rolled.
The door up on the sports shed. We'd go and grab a soccer ball.
There's shitty plastic soccer balls and then whatever stick bat thing that you could find, so the plastic hockey stick, those yellow cricket bats. There was one steel baseball bat that we called the homer. Was a rush to get the homer and then the rules were it was basically soccer, but you were also allowed to hit it with the stick. So you would have one guy coming in to kick it and then someone else coming at you with the homer, and that's why it was called pain.
We did one once where we sort of combined cricket with rugby, so you were allowed to tackle the batsmen when they were running last, so they hit it and then it's bull rush. Yeah, yeah, that's powerful. Yeah. It was really freaking hard to score a run. And also it didn't really there wasn't the problem with that didn't really matter how far you hit the ball. Basically, you wanted to get it over the boundary. You know, you
wanted a boundary because then you got your runs. Otherwise because you may hit it, you know, my beautiful cover drive. That doesn't really affect the fact that the inner ring of fielders is just going to monster you smoking.
The other thing is, jeez, the penalty for ball watching in that situation. If you've just hit a you know, we late car and you're watching it as you're running, bang, you get cleaned up.
Yeah. And also like you know a you know, a bowl of steam and bowl of decent delivery, you know, keep coming through. Yeah, you come through and close line the batsman, your edge run down to the fine port. Yeah. The other one was that, Interestingly, we did make that better now I remember it. We made it better somehow by I don't know why this was better, but we replaced the we're bowling with this with a softball as
well as part of that game. I don't know. We the teachers took the rugby balls off us because at school we were, you know, destroying our uniforms. We come back into class and we'd have It was a Catholic school, so you'd have to go into mass to just cover the mard jersey's rifts. They took the balls off us, but this was back in the day of the Nokia twenty to eighty cell phone, like the generation of cell phone.
That thing was an absolute brick. You we would so we would play rugby with that, and you could literally put a bomb up with this thing. The worst thing that would happen is maybe the battery had come out the back of it. But yeah, so then we'll be playing playing rugby. We'll be able at the hostel. We come down, play play rugby for a couple of hours. Then all of a sudden, the game's over because this kid's mum's runging him. He's going to answer the rugby ball.
How different? How have times change? Now? We're just desperate for kids didn't get off their phones. If you guys had a phone and you were using it to play sport. So hard to get kids to play sport at lunchtime now because they're just sitting on their phone. Well, you can't kick an iPhone, yeah, And you can't kick an iPhone. Yeah.
I've always said there sort of that step jobs another caller here yours?
Please?
Yeah, get a fellas, just wondering about the g lane curse. When the wires get a Las Vegas, obviously the curs will be in effect. Will g Lane, break the curse in Las Vegas next year, do some grandiose Vegas thing. Lock in the hangover. We've got a Mike Tyson Mike Tyson ted on his face to symbolize it. Breaking the curves anyway, fuck all of Canterbury.
Now. I think there's a good chance that I don't know about breaking the curse, but I think Guliane might be one of the few people that could potentially break Las Vegas.
What if he goes in there and he's just a curse in every aspect. I remember a Hamish and Andy but where they went over there and they were like, right, you can't count cards. They've you know, Las Vegas have shut down all these different ways to win the money.
What they can't account for is luck.
So we're going to try and make the luckiest person on earth to head in there and play the pokies. Well, Gelaane arguably would be the unluckiest person on earth, So could he could he?
Could he just walk through the MGM grand and just waft bad luck everywhere to bring it to its needs. I think that they should keep him on a retainer. It's a really good point.
The Gelane curse is going to be in full effect over there in Las Vegas if if it's proven correct, because he's still not sure whether it's true or not.
You know, because we went down to Dunedin. We talked about that. It's difficult to work out. I think. I think I think the whole of New Zealand is a home game for the Black, for the All Blacks, for national teams. Yeah, definitely. But when he's in Las Vegas. Yeah, this is going to be proof once of all where the Lane curse exists or not. And I think that if the Warriors lose and Lane's in attendance in Las Vegas, he should get the Michael Yeah, the Michael Mike Tyson
tattoo have outrageous if he didn't. Yeah, yeah, okay, I think we've agreed on that. This next one, I think they ran out of time, So this is going to come through in two parts. Call of Yours please kitter Fellas.
First fall, I'd like to say quick fuck you to Chris Kus and the kicking commentary. Can Cone curse the chairs and I for talking over the anthem and the All Blacks game that made it just bearable? Can you guys tell me how to multi up horse races and the TB app please so I can get in on that. And I've got a new name and Rugby Lloyd to incorporate a sponsor. Kiaren Fory the Foreskin sign a boss Man Greeg Karen four and twenty piles, Yeah, the Karen four and twenty pies or if they let you get
away with it, the Karen Forskin twenty piles. Great pastry, but the means of chewy and lastly fuck Central in Northeastern Australia for that trialis first half of state of origin, draining half my tear cheers gone.
So you always wonder where I'm wondering where that was sent from. Is that hiding from his wife, hiding from his work mates? Yeah, that was very quiet. I was picturing him hiding in a cupboard in his house. Recording that we talk about. There's two different types of voicemails that we get through. There's lights on and lights off. That was the lights off. There was the lights off voicemail there. I'd like to think that guy's wife was in bed just going of God, let me sleep, Oh
my god. Yeah, it's like the Sydney Sweeney Mam. He's in the shower recording a voicemail.
She's just crying in front of the mirror. Yeah, the four Karen, four and twenty. Yet we have we have thought of that at that point we probably have to pay Kiaren. Yeah, cut and you know we're on the bones of our ars as it is, so probably not. You can Malti up horses from multiple races. You can actually even do same race maltis. What's probably happening to him is if the odds are boosted on a certain race meet, then I don't think you can add them in.
And if there's some sort of like bonus back or odds boost or anything like that, that's probably.
Where he's where he's going wrong. But he's right. My TAIRBERCW got cleaned out by that scoreless first half Instate of Origin as well. Yeah, I mean that's a that's a curly one. That one. That's a tricky old one. All right. I think that'll do us for today.
Thank you very much, Smett Heath for a Tuesday episode of the Agenda podcast.
How good, Thank you right, enjoy the rest of the week.
I dare say we'll need your back on at some point this week because Gelan's gone back into witness protection.
All right, then, okay, you've seen Busy will let you go, But you've.
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