"How To Sandbag & Influence People..."

Live from the Export Beer Garden Studio, which today is in christ Church. This is the Agenda Podcast for a Thursday Wednesday. God, we're gonna do that again, Live from the Export Beer Garden Studio which today is in Krush Church. This is the Agenda Podcast for Wednesday, the twenty seventh of November.

The Agenda Podcast the home of Sporting Nonsense and clap Trap, brought to you by Export Vulture.

And we are down here in the Garden City, Mike Glavee, Yes, beautiful Garden City, christ Church. It's actually a very warm balmie day outside. We are here to go and check out the grounds ahead of the cricket match tomorrow.

That's right to a bit of pregame, ye work? Is it wrecky? Recky?

Yeah, a recky for you at home. We'll do the pitch report, yep. I'll see what until we can find. You know, I do my best punting work at the track. I'm hoping that that'll carry over to the pitch as well.

Hope it gives you something.

Hoping it gives me something. We'll let you know what we see after we head down there. We're recording this about lunchtime on the Wednesday, so We're heading down there this afternoon and then coverage will be on iHeartRadio tomorrow live.

And free on iHeartRadio. Just thinking.

If you text cricket to three two three six, you'll get a link through to the commentary.

We'll talk about the cricket in just a few moments time. But yesterday we were very very lucky to be able to head along.

To Yesto Links golf Course with the November team and the Great newsy on Tea Off which is happening this week around the country. Everyone's using their tea times that they won an auction at the start of the month.

But yeah, and good, how did these guys win?

They're one, so basically they it was Eddie. Edie won the prize.

He got to bring three mates along, which was Jace, Steve and Ben who came along and they got to stay the night there and we had dinner. Thing's got a bit carried away afterwards. But yeah, all they had to do was this bit on any tea time on the Great News on Tee Off early in the month to go on the drawer. Great New Zealanders, great day. I'm still feeling a little bit sun burnt. I think I might have.

I think I might have been seen way too much sun.

We didn't get home till about eleven o'clock. I still jumped in the shower and worked the messes up running the shower. But I was standing in the mirror afterwards that my forearms are burnt. Yeah, I got roasted out there. It was.

I mean, it's hard to describe howsome. Yes, you play good if you play golf. If you're not a gold Steffie, then you know, it's still it's an impressive set up out there outside Munga Pi.

It was a hell of a prize. So it was Yeah, they actually see Team Movember team and then there was supposed to be a couple of the Blues players, but one of them pulled out. That's how I managed to you did. I'm very happy I did. And Harry Plumber came along as well.

She's how good a golfer is Harry Plumber.

Harry Plumber is. He has a I think he's got a zero handicap, right or maybe three or something.

He is in crell.

He hits those shots where you're like, oh, this is going to go flying off the back of the green and then it just rips and stops.

Oh, you had to spin it. I don't even know how to start doing that. Neither do I.

Every shot, he is so consistent, great striker of the ball. He said, it's interesting how many kicking coaches use a golf analogy. Yeah, so it'll be like, oh, this is a seven iron, you know, smooth stroke, you don't need to crush it, blah blah blah. So yeah, but he is outstanding. He shot seventy six for the round at which is it's actually a much more forgiving course than I thought it was going to be.

Yeah, it is. It's good.

I mean, it's just good fun. You don't want to go to a course and just get bent over, no, which is what I thought was going to happen to me.

Yeah it was. You played bluddy well.

You you the only ACC member who won and that yeah, six match plays, you were the only one that won.

And I shot a hundred, So I don't want anyone out there to think that I was crushing it.

I shot a hundred two and the guy beat me shot one hundred and three, so work that out.

Well, he got a lot of strokes.

It's because of the handicap, which I still don't understand. And I've never put in a card before, so I don't know what my handicap is.

So you were maximum.

So I was maximum, and I was peered up with Eddie, who won the trip. He said his handicap was twenty nine, and I said, seventy two plus twenty nine, it's one hundred and one. I was like, that's what I'm aiming for every time. Best I've ever done it ninety four. What I didn't tell him was that was last week. And so after about six holes, I was five up and would split one of the holes, and he was

Bit there because.

And he goes you fucking once I'd said it had just tipped him off, and so we stayed out there for a few beers and the whole night. Yeah, he was just blowing up about how Sam Bag did it.

Yeah, and big, big thank you too to Joe Jury, who who offered to drive us there and back and in his words, the worst car trip he's ever had taking us back to Auckland.

And he said, some shockers.

He said, that's saying something because he has witnessed some pretty horrendous roadies and that was up there an hour and a half of his life.

He will never get bad.

Hour and a half of us just rambling on. It's the worst thing when you're the sober driver. He was saying, Look, he was waiting for us. He's like, surely we're going to leave, we've had dinner hour. But then the beers just kept coming.

Oh he should have just told us.

Yeah, he should have. He should have said, we got to go. This is his fault, Yeah, this is we're good. We're going to gaslight him, victim blame him. So you made your own bed, it's your fault. But yeah, an hour and a half of just us wasted on repeat, just saying the same old.

Doing same jokes, same story, same story.

Me trying to do the math on whether I actually did sambaghm or not, which I Well, he said twenty nine, which means we were both going to shoot one hundred and one.

I only shot a hundred, So did I did? I?

Sand begum.

I think he was just about better, better and twisted he was.

But he and I know he listens to the podcast, will probably be listening to the shout out, shout out to you, Eddie, but he has sworn to besmirch my name to anyone who'll listened.

Well, the good news is they made the most of their accommodation out into Actually they didn't. I don't think they spent much in time in their beds.

I don't know if they saw it.

They knocked it on the head at five am. Oh my god, so they almost would have seen the sun com up.

On a Tuesday.

Yeah, what the hell league is this?

So we're just in the We're actually in the Hits studio and Christ shoots right now.

They've got sky Sport one on chick out Ronnie. There is a there is a it's George Costanza.

Oh, it's the Guyana Cricketing League. It's a real hodgepodge of players. They've got what looks to be Carry O'Keeffe one of the bowler. And then is that Buddy Lobul's Super League? Is that old Bravo coming out there? Now they've got players walking through fireworks which is spraying them in the eyes. They having to shield their eyes as they walk out, and they are dressed like darts players.

Okay, Global super League, that's get.

That bizarre anyway, Yeah, great day out of toute Lynx. If you ever get the chance, and in fact you had the chance, you could have bid on you could have been on one of the Great New Zealand teoffs. I think is there still spots.

Because the idea is that one hundred and ninety clubs put tea times up and everyone had a lock about four weeks to bid on them and that closed at the start of November raised over seventy grand though for November the Great New zeal On Teoff. Ollie Olli Bradshaw founded that and organizes that.

I think he hit did he hit seventy two yesterday?

I think he's not a bad player as well. But it was a great time, so big thanks to Vollet as well. Put on the Great New zeal On Teoff in November.

For looking after us. It's pretty awesome.

Absolutely all right, let's take a quick break. When we come back, we're going to talk about it cricket. We're are down here in christ chitch Lane, and that is because tomorrow is the well, it's the start of the summer of cricket, really, isn't it? Is?

It is?

Well, it's the first day of the first Test New Zealand versus England. It's been sent a message by Tim Southy. He's keen to have Oh, he's keen to keep the camel that we're trying to source.

So if you haven't seen it on our Instagram, we've been trying to source a camel on this podcast for the longest time. We need to get it into Tim Southy's last game, which is in Hamilton. Someone sent us in a photo of a fiberglass camel.

But that looks it looks like it's unloved.

It on its side, but it's on a frame. It looks like it's on wheels. So we need to I don't know if the person who send us that photo actually owns the camel, but we need to get in touch with them. Could that potentially be the Sylvia Park camel. It looks it does looks very similar to the Sylvia Park camel fiberglass camera South. He's asked if he can have that for his backyard. Afterwards, we look if we can get hold of it, Yeah, one hundred percent you can. We'll put a steed of the ship had on it.

Yeah, the one all that we got a pantsing and tot on and then we had the thriller down in the basin, the thriller.

In Manila, last Bloody Wagner, last ball, top of off start. I can still see it so clearly.

Yeah, and then that was caught down, strangled down league side, wasn't it was Jimmy Anderson. I can see strangled down league side. The worst way to go, Yeah, the worst way to go it was. I mean, it was so everyone was into that game. It was to the point where I was working at a rival sporting media outlet and we were watching the ACCS coverage.

In the office and it just it took over the nation. Yeah, it's one of the great things about a Test match. I think that's what we all loved about that India series because it builds for so long and you've got a chance to get involved in it, you know.

Yeah, and listen that we have to win all three if for any chance for this World Test Championship, we have to win all three. So that's kind of in the background as well, that's going on.

Yeah. So because India we're trying I was trying to figure this out yesterday. Because they beat Australia. That's bad for us.

It's bad for us, but it's not totally bad. If Australia win like for one over there or three to one whatever, that's good for us. If India win this series in Australia not good for.

Us, yeah, right, because it gives them too many wins.

Yeah, But saying that, we just need to win these three games and then see what happens. Yeah, that's the crux of it. It'll be a classic. Well, we'll update you tomorrow on the state of the patroom we go out there, but I'm packing it's going to be fairly green. It always has something in it. The toss is always crucial because you just want to bowl first. So yeah, I can't see I can't see it being playing any different than it had last year.

So a bit juicy.

Yeah, no one. I love watching cricket at Agley Park. I think it's such a great, great little spot there.

That's great.

And also we're staying opposite the new Takaha Stadium.

How epic is that going to be?

It looks incredible. Now the roadworks is going to drive me insane. But yeah, that thing looks out the gate. I mean them thirteen years. But city Center, city Center, it is a hop, skip and a jump from the Hits studio. We've climbed through the window and today, but it's a hop, skip and a jump from everywhere. It's going to be like can you imagine Game Day because Christ Hitch and Hamilton, they the whole city gets overtaken by the game, sometimes during Super Rugby, certainly for an

So when is it only next year? Is it still another year to go?

I'd be speaking out of turn, but I'll do it. Yeah, it's opening next year, so yeah, we'll have to come We've got to come down for years.

I mean it's hard. Here's not many city center stadiums like that in New Zealand. I don't think there is one. Wellington Stadium is still a bit of a ball eight way out. It's not really city center and it's.

Also city center at all.

And also although it's also not yeah the basmin, but it's not a it's not a cricket stadium and it's not a rugby stadium Wellington.

It is a it's an arena for gladiators to fight in. Yeah, but yeah, because you're so far.

Back from the terrible it's a terrible oval ball experience and around ball experience, and it's a terrible cricket experience.

Yeah. It was great for the Sevens for about ten years and they killed it and that's about it. But yeah, so I'm looking forward to that one as well. But Hagley Park, when you get a good day in Hagley, you get burnt to a crisp sitting out there.

I only my only not it's not a criticism, but with the with the kind of ovals like Bay Oval, like Hagley and like Hamilton, the atmosphere is kind of funny because the noise disappears, so it doesn't sound when you get ten thousand people in there. It doesn't sound like ten thousand people. It's very quiet, unlike a kind of an arena or stadium where the noise gets trapped in the stands and it's like a visceral kind of raw goes on when something happens that doesn't happen at an oval.

It's kind of weird.

Yeah, that's a good point actually, And for as much as a slug I feeding park that does do a good job.

At it, a full eating park is immense.

When there's a break or a chargedown or something that's yeah, you can really feel it. Yeah, So that Travis Scott's playing, Oh Jesus, Yeah, I don't know if Travis Scott's going to be playing in this game against England though I don't actually know. I haven't seen the teams.

I even named the teams.

I know they've brought Jeff Archer over with them, but I feel like he's the biggest blue balls player of all time where you're always like, oh, Jeoffrey Archer is going to play it, nat.

Yeah, he was rubbish last time we smashed him around a little bit Geoffrey Archers, So I think that's kind of that that mystique has gone with her.

I mean he's slippery.

I wouldn't say he's probably the quickest bowler their face for a while. Yeah, but for some reason he was an effective last time he was out here.

I guess once you get past the gold chain, it's a lot of a lot of the intimidation has gone, you know, once that's out of your head a little bit. Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean what's circling is that he's getting he's going to get dropped for Williamson, which is unlucky for Will.

Unlucky for Will. But if you're going to get dropped for anyone, you can probably stomach that. Yes, but then it's like, well, how do you who else could you potentially drop for him? It got down to jeez, do you go Phillips Phillips? Well, but the thing is Phillips is too useful. He's a real like obviously, he's a handy fielder. He's a break glass in case of emergency bowler. Yes, he could pick up the gloves if something would have happen.

He's also, I.

Think we're discussing he's your T one player. Yeah, he can field, he's a best fielder. Yeah, he's keecking bowl and he can bat. He's a decent bowler.

Yeah.

So he's your first T one pack in it. That's really one competition, and.

I think he just needs to he needs to be in the team because over five days weird shit happens in a Test match, you know, and you need a dude like him to make some weird shit happen. I was wondering, like, and I'm sure there's a stat for it. Cricket is great for nerd stuff and you know stats and all that. I'd love to see a stat for how many runs you prevented in the field. I know it a bit of squirrely stat. I think they I think they do do. Yeah, right, I'm sure they would have something.

I think I've seen it before of like how many runs that person's technically saved? Yeah, but then how do you if someone canes it straight at you at cover and you stop it? Yeah, is that counted as a you've saved a four? Or does there have to be some sort of movement?

It would be very hard. The only way I could see it done would be in your like whatever eighth of the ground how many runs were scored in that match versus how many runs on average are scored you know in your area. It wouldn't be a perfect stat, no, but I think that's that would really favor Glenn Phillips.

Yeah, yeah, he's I mean, you can't drop him. Unfortunately, I don't know.

Who else you drop zippy from Rainbow?

Yeah, I don't know.

If you don't, I don't know, we'll just get He's just going to have to carry the drinks. Unfortunately, the man of the match wasn't in the series.

Yeah in India.

Yeah, now, unfortunately he's got to carry the drinks.

Like Ajs Pattel came back with ten for. Yeah, never played again until the next tour. Well, so he won't play against India, will against England.

He's going to be one of He's going to be one of those. I mean, he already is a bottle cap question with the with the ten for but he's just going to be one of those. Whatever happened to a Jess Battel.

So I don't get him to he just doesn't play home.

Yeah, it just took a million wickets in India and then they don't play him when he comes back over here.

We should just create a dust ball. One of the grounds should just be a dust ball. I'm saying Wellington, just turn it, turn it into something at Turns Square.

Yeah.

So when Australia and England come here, they're like, oh god, I play at the basin and we just basically base our all our spinners out of Wellington and so they play all their domestic cricket there and then we just have one game every tour where it's just turning square. Yeah, we buy ag as a house. We just need to fuck them up. You need we need to be missing with touring teams. I think we're a bit too nice. Everyone comes down here and they get a nice welcome

Freezer ursoles send the Windys down there. Also a man wearing two beanies. Last time they came out.

They basically bring their doubts from the hotel. Yes, they wrapped themselves up hot water bottles and ship more stuff like that. That's all we need.

Pictures severy recent Italy, but eleven of them sitting on the sidelines on his the socks on his heads, just absolutely dying. Yeah, we don't need to do a bit more of that because there's no other sport that the surface you play on has such a big impact. Yeah, got any basketball quarter around the world hoops ten foot off the ground, but cricket all around the world is completely different. Jesus. What we looked up the there was

The basin, yes, and then in the tron So that's we're heading the trim with the camel. That is that is Tim Sowdy's last game add his home ground at Craon Park because in Northern Districts, Yeah, Through and Through is only only association he's ever played for. He's from Northland though, right, Yeah, the Northland encapsulates Northern districts. Just the little work quirk of cricket. It's like Central Districts includes Nelson Marlborough.

I've never known what Central districts. Man, Central can't wrap my head around.

Central districts as Hawk's Bay, Tartanaki and Nelson Marlborough.

Of course it is, of course it fucking is. That's very cricket cricket. What does someone and Nelson have to do with someone in Hawk's Bay. They don't even speak the same language. So how do you think this series is going to go? Oh?

Like we've got We've got a bit of BDC coming into this.

We've got some confidence coming out of the Indian Series. I think that'll help New Zealand. I think England aren't aren't playing the.

Greatest I thing. They got rolled do they get rolled by Sri Lanka recently?

I can't remember, but it's one of those ones that's always tied against England. I think they've got a strong batting lineup. I don't know about so much about their bowling just yet. They love these conditions, they love these conditions.

Well and from all accounts, Bears been showing them around, showing them a great time here in New Zealand.

Yeah, I love Bears.

Their first destination Queenstown, Queenstown Casino, Queenstown Casino golf course, Jack's Point. They played a warm up game in Queenstown.

Of cricket, Yeah, of cricket right against hurt plumbers.

Some plumbers and some yeah, some train lasers, some train layers down in there. But yeah, Harry Plumber was saying, yeah, they had a great time on the courses over around Europe on their trip. Oh yeah, he said there was a golf tour with a rugby got in the way.

That's yeah. Well that was actually one of my first questions for him. Did he ever play some rugby when the South African teams were still in He said, yeah, he got one season there where he got to go over and it was like the first two weeks of the season the Blues would be over in South Africa.

Yeah, it's just a tour of the most.

Beautiful golf courses, yeah that South Africa has to offer. But cricketers, cricketers are even are even worse for that.

Yeah.

I also asked Harry who's the who's the biggest golf hundi in the all blacks off? Ah, really he's the bigger. He's the biggest goal nufty around. He's the absolute honey here because he's got all he has to buy a piece of memorability at every course he goes to Oh yeah, so that's and you wouldn't want to You wouldn't want to be calling him up on any etiquette, would you.

No, no, no.

No one. I reckon you would not be able to find a man who says that they've seen off a song of ussy kickers all that from behind the bush.

You don't want to head up on him either, No, God, no, God, no hit up on, head up on off as sorry man?

Yeah, your carden. The rounds over? So, yeah, so you think this is going to be tight? Do you think we win the first one here at Hagley?

Yeah? I reckon we win the first one.

I reckon Wellington will be a different killer fish if the pitch plays like it did last year.

Was the pitch?

The Wellington pitch was a bit spicy last year and started to turn on day one.

So the Hamilton one was the confusing one for me. Yeah, Glenn Phillips looked like fucking Shane Warnon for a couple of overs there. I couldn't figure it out.

I think I think we win this one, and then I think the second one is going to be potentially tighter.

But I don't, I don't know.

I haven't seen much of him playor I'm just going purely on vibe.

Don't follow me in on any of that.

No, no, no, that's well. The t ib just about can't split them. Think when I last checked, we were a dollar ninety, they were two ten, Okay, so it's like no one can really split that. It's going to it's going to be it's going to be exciting. I mean, it starts on Thursday, so you've got the whole weekend to just park up. Yeah, my missus is at work. You will not get me.

Off that couch unless you're commentating on commentating it.

Yeah, I mean you're still on the couch. That's yeah, that's all I was going to be doing anyway. So I'm very much looking forward to that. Just one last thing before we go, and we will have to cut this one just a little bit short because of the hit squad down here and Crush.

It's going to come and they're mobilizing.

Come for our heads very shortly. Did you see. There's been a lot of talk about relaxing the eligibility rules for the all blacks, and this is because Raiser has been asked about it, and he thinks that all blacks should be able to pick from anyone from around the world.

Yeah, basically, it's funny he's changed his tune on that because when he was a Crusaders coach, yes, so much.

No, I know it's a good point, but he always had that point about the like rest and rotation thing that the All Blacks make the players doing super rugby. He was just like, look, if I was the All Black coach, I'd be all for it. But I'm the Crusaders coach, so I hate it. Yeah, And so you know he's he's at least open about how his allegiances have switched.

I don't know about the overseas players. I mean, part of me is like, the best players should play for the All Blacks. Yeah, that's that's a very simple way of looking at it. But then does that jeopardize our league? And I mean not that our league is robust anyway, you know what I mean. I mean that they all just go and play Japan.

Well, Beaver had a good point the other day on whatever sports outlet that he works on. It was basically just saying, well, that means that you're you're the kids aren't going to get to see those players lay so because you know when when the All Blacks are playing overseas, it's very easy to miss a game when it's in the middle of the night.

Yeah.

Well, now, if you've got Richie mong or you've got you know, Boden Barrett whoever, playing over overseas, but then playing for the All Blacks, you'd be like, I.

Don't know, like hard to get behind, hard to get behind.

Yeah, because you see the point, it's like those South African teams. I never knew who was playing for any of those South African teams when they're in Super Rugby. Yeah, because the time zone was so awful, you just never watch the games. I couldn't even tell you where the Bloody Stormers are from. Is it Cape Town?

The Western Stormers now?

Is it's gwas so Yeah, So I think that's a that's a good point. We were talking about the other day. I don't think it was on the podcast, but a rugby club championship, So I know they're doing something similar over in the Middle East. I think from next year, like a club challenge sort of thing. That would be I reckon that'd be the way to do it because you can still get the money in there, the players can still play overseas, but we still have our local comp So let's say we do Super Rugby and all

And it's only Richie moh, isn't it. That's the Catalyst's let's be honest with ourselves. Yeah, he just wants he.

Wants Richie back. He's seeing him Booty calls.

Would yeah too every night?

Yeah? Should we should do that thing again? Will we won like seven competitions? Yeah?

I mean he's just won the competition in Japan. He's on a good work out, He's only playing for four months a year.

I've put my foot in my mouth when I met him at the start of this year when those All Blacks games are on and I said to him, jeez mate, when was the last you bloody lost the competition? He goes the World Cup?

Yeah, so yeah, it's Shennon for sales. Next. Do you want me to finish the.

Yeah? And then man Shannon Frazell figured out how Fantasy Rugby Union would work. Jesus, look at the state of that opening Batsman and the Global Super League. My god, they're rolling him out there.

The Global Super League, Like what what is that?

Guyana x on mobile? All right, let's knock this thing on the head for a Wednesday, We're going to shoot down to Hagley. Oval Line's going to put his car keys into the pit ye. And then we will be back tomorrow to tell you what we found at the ground yep, and give you some awful awful trips to follow it. And we'll see then.

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