"Have You Ever Had A 5-Day Hangover?"

Live from the Export Beer Garden Studios and brought to you by Export Ultra the beer to get you through.

A five day hangover. This is the Agenda.

Podcast for the first of October.

The Agenda Podcast, the home of sporting nonsense and clap Trap, brought to you my Export Vulture.

Morning, Jeremy, Morning, Mike.

How are you?

I don't I'm gonna be honest, worse than yesterday.

Yeah, I know the feeling, so am I.

Yeah, it's we landed on Friday. It is Tuesday now, and I'm just wondering when it's going.

To get better. Yeah. I think what happens is when you go away to Europe for seven days, and we went for seven days. We're on the ground for seven days. Yeah, was it six? Six nights?

Seven days?

Yeah, that's not many. So by the time you arrive after your twenty seven hour flight, and before we start talking about this, a lot of people will go, we'll be saying crime a river. Oh, but before you And I'm not complaining about the trip.

I'm not. I'm like, it's worth it. This pain is worth you.

I'll enjoy it. But just say that when you arrive after a twenty seven hour flight, and then you immediately on day one tack right into proceedings within hours of landing and not stop and then not stop that first night there was not a lot of sleep. The second

Did you had a few issues on the flight home with your underwear?

I did you?

What did you do? With that underwear.

Did you just check it out? Did you? Did you revive it? I put it in the wash and it made the whole wash smell, so I had to put the wash through again and have another go. But I I had isshoes, like I mean, I'm getting old, and I just realized I was having a lot of isshoes. I mean, I had some kind of leakage nasal and fiction. Up, I'll start from the top of gaze and fiction. I'm blind now. I had a nasal in fiction, which was.

Terrible for when you're flying with with your ears blocking and then go down through the throat there was very sore throat for some reason, terrible, and then the lung seemed to be fine, although I did smoke two cigarettes fallows away.

Just the two on a fierce wheel yep, stupid idea. And then going down through the downstairs area, I was actually okay through that. I think my guts were fine. You got your heir.

Is shoes there.

I was fine there. And then I turns out I got terrible chafing in around the back passage, which I've never had before. But I blame I blame chick. I blame checking out of the hotel in the morning, wandering around in Munich all day, going to Hitler's favorite restaurant, going to Hitler's favorite restaurant, his favorite Italian restaurant in Munich.

I can see why it was his favorite.

Beautiful ravioli, Yeah, lovely, good service too. And then getting on a plane at ten thirty at night, twenty seven hours flying back to New Zealand. Yeah, without a change of undies, without the sweating going on. There was hot inside inside of the Munich.

Yeah, oh my god. I didn't know if it was us or whether it was hot.

I was looking around for other people to see if they were sweating as much as we were, but I didn't see many.

I was having some problems in that airport. I've gotta be honest with you. But the low point came for me when we were flying back, just before we landed and Dubai. I had rock bottom. At that point, I lost, I lost everything I had and you still such a sore bum like. It was so the chafing was so intense. I had a rash and I had a bung me. Everything was wrong, every part of my body. But I think is I'll do it all over again. I would get on a plane tomorrow to do that again.

It was a great trip throughout three days in Amsterdam, three days in Munich, and we're gonna we'll probably put this to be.

We won't talk about it.

Anymore because we have talked about it for a couple of days now. But we need to look forward now to twenty twenty five because we're going to do these beer garden tours with the Export Ultra every year, so.

We need to somehow.

We had Paris for the Rugby World Cup, then we had went to October fish via Amsterdam. We're going to find something that's going to top that for twenty twenty five.

Can anything top that? Well, I don't know where.

We'll throw it out to the audience.

I guess jump on, let us let us know on three two, three six, or maybe a talkback function.

Let us know.

But and then we'll work it out and see where it takes us.

Something Stateside perhaps, Yeah, Texas.

I was thinking maybe barbecue.

Get to the Home of the barbecue, the pit fire barbecue.

Does it have to be in September?

It kind of yet? Does it has to be in that kind of end of year?

October September October time, So that's the only prerequisite. So if any events going on around that time, that would be good. Yep, So let us know if we have I don't know it. We're just gonna have to be a pretty year bic trip to top that one.

Man.

Yeah, totally.

We took twelve great New Zealanders with us as well, which was which is you know, a look to take even more next year hopefully. Really Yeah, it's a very sort after trip, Jeremy, very sought after.

I understand why.

I mean, you could see, you could see the vengeance that Matt Heath took on us on us yesterday when he pennedes up his revenge article about us leaving him behind. But he I think he would have had a kindred spirit in Phil from Taranaki.

They would have just slept together.

They would have just drunk a few beers and then quietly slipped on each other's shoulder for most of the trip.

I've never seen someone have such severe, such a severe case of drinking narcolepsy in my life. I mean, he got to a certain point, Phil and then his body just shut down.

Trying to wake him up was very hard.

I did you see Callum who was his travel partner.

It's smacking him around the head, punching.

Him in the face. Nothing from Phil, just absolutely nothing. But he could not get him out of a cab though, because he was a dead weight and he was a reasonably sturdy fellow for Great New Zealander, but very sleepy. Yeah, but I enjoyed. I enjoyed Callum and Phil.

I enjoyed Tom and James yep, till Tom yep, good guys, yep. And then we enjoyed mal We just heard mal Mail came back first broken confirmed.

She's in a cast. She's in a cast. Scafoid bone, Yeah, she's in her cast.

She had a bit of a tumble at Beer Feist, so she's got a little souvenir from for the next five for six weeks.

Did you say she had a tumble or would you say that one of the other one of the other winners fell on her.

Either or I think both.

Anyway, we'll take a quick break and we'll come back and talk some actual kind of sport.

Okay.

I don't know if you have you seen this Jerry around. Johnny six Pest has released a book. John Johnny Sexton, the former Irish first five eight has released a book and as most books are looking for some headlines, and he's dug up the semi final of the Rugby World Cup from last year again. Can you remember that at the final whistle him and ricco Yoanni went.

Win at each other for a little bit.

Can you remember that?

I do?

Yeah?

What were they talking about?

Well, he's he's released it in his book, and to me, it's a bit moany for me, I'd s like harden up.

Anyway, what happened was the penalty.

Sam Whitelock over the top of the ball got the penalty.

He's obviously still disputes it in his book.

It was in a penalty whatever, fuck off.

And ricca Yoanni said, get ten meters back mate, it's a penalty. He says, back ten, back ten, and just like was basically saying get out of here, mate, and then Barnes blows the final whistle when they kick it out, and then Rica Joannie says, don't miss your flight tomorrow, enjoy your retirement.

You can't.

Oh okay, And Johnny Sexton said, so much for the All Blacks famous no dickheads policy, so much for their humility. I walk, I chase after Yannie and call them a fake humble fucker, which I think is a pretty bad comeback. It doesn't look great me having a go at one of them just after we've lost.

But I can't be expected to ignore that how's it bo call from Rico If that's what he did say.

That's but that is a lot.

But there was a lot of tension in that game because you remember Brady Retellek also gave Peter Many a bit of stick as well because he called Sam Caine a fake Richie mccaugh. Yeah, so they're obviously a big one, the fake humble fucker kind of things. But you know what, I'd say, get over you.

Well. The other thing about it is it was still set on the field, wasn't it. Yeah, And what stays on the field, what goes on the field stays on the field.

When you try to sell books.

Yeah, that's right. But I do understand there's a little bit of tension between the Irish and the All Blacks and the Irish because the Irish were good there for a while.

They were they were They went seventeen games unbeaten. That was their first loss. They were favorites to win the whole thing.

And they started to think that they created some kind of legacy, and they started to think that probably they're a little bit better than what they actually were, and they forget that for the longest time, they've been completely humiliated by the All Blacks. Yeah, but still RecA, I mean you didn't I don't know, you didn't need to say that I was retiring. You know, he's annoying though, Johnny Sexton, I know that's what I mean. It's and then they are not innocent, the Irish team.

I mean the fact they were baiting Sam Kaine the whole time about being fake Richie McCall and all that kind of stuff.

So I think it's just the way of selling books.

But you know what I'm saying, thank Yeah, you're a grown man. I'm kind of I've been called a count many tis.

Well, you are a cunt, So I mean it's accurate.

Yeah, and so I'm fine with it. Yeah, I don't turn around and put it in a book.

Yeah. I mean, what actually surprises me that there's that level of band going on in a rugby field because previously they didn't used to be. It wasn't a sport that there was a lot of banter in just a lot of punching. People were tired, people were gasping for breath half the time. But now there's so much time to around scrums and stuff. You've got plenty of, plenty of. I was told that Brodie Retellek was a big chairper.

Yeah, well he's the one that church Peter Maney. I think what did he say? Four more years? Just the classic Gregan thing for yearn for more years mate.

Still, yeah, I heard that. I heard that there's a bit more ban now than what they used to be. I guess professionalism changed things a little bit. Yeah, I think they he would think it'd be quite dangerous.

So because the amount of microphones I've got around, shotgun MIC's I've got on field, they can be pretty much pack up anything. I don't know if you watched the game on Saturday night, but the Georgian referee, a Count Dracula, one of the odses, called him a stupid cunt and you could hear on the microphone but he doesn't speak English, so he didn't really know and you're hear in the

We just we just laughed it off and actually repeated it. Well, what's the deal with that? So whose responsibility is it to not allow profanity to come through? Because is it the host? Is it the broadcaster? No? But it's good point. So if someone complained about that, who would be liable for any kind of.

It would be the broadcaster because they've broadcasted that profanity.

Okay, well it's gin dangerous, isn't it? Yeah, especially live, there's not a there's not a dump button like Murray Deacon used to have on it.

He never used the dumb button is the problem.

He could never find it. That was part of the problem.

The dump button, for those of you don't know, is the four second delay that a lot of talkback hosts have. And I'd say that Matt Heath will be definitely employing the delay button on his first few weeks asy listeners ring up and try and prank him.

But that is that?

Why?

Is that the reason why commentators apologize on behalf of the broadcaster for the language so they can kind of mitigate any sort of complaint.

Maybe maybe, But is it true that situation with Marry Deca that what happens someone would ring him up and start talking code with him, Oh yeah, and engage him yeah, and then say you're a ballcunt.

It's one of the great that but it's on It's on YouTube. You search it, search Murray Deeka baaldcunt.

It's one of the great.

The guy just leads him on and he's like, goes, he talks about Auckland rugby and one of.

The problem and he goes, you are Damien, you are you are, bang On.

I totally agree the fact that rugby at the moment is not facilitated by the right people. You're speaking my language, Damien, And he goes, just one more thing, Murray, Yes, Damien, you're a ballcunt.

I love that.

It was such a long game. I've got a name for people like you, Damon. Anyway, next call it.

But I couldn't find the dump.

But he doesn't have it.

If we didn't believe in it. I couldn't believe in the dump. Button didn't want to do it right. We'll take a quick break and I guess it's gonna chat a bit of black caps. So black caps to nil Sri Lanka we now have from the sixteenth of October, so in a couple of weeks time to the sixth of November, we have three tests in India.

First one in Bangalore needs to turn a.

Bit poone yep, it's going to turn a bit.

And Wankidi Stadium in Mumbai.

It's got a bit of pace and bounce, doesn't it.

Weky, Yeah, not as turning as as Bangalore and Pooney, But are we standing on the barrel of losing potentially seven Test matches in a row.

We are well, what would you put your house on if you could be your house on something in that situation? Would it be for New Zealand to even have it? I mean, what isn't a on soon season at the moment?

It's just finished. It was on the end of monsoon season.

That's why that first Test against Afghanistan got okay because they were relying on the mon season season finishing by then.

Hadn't Has it stopped now? Definitely? I don't. I don't know, okay, because I would my money would be on three nil, oh man, wouldn't it be? Yeah? I mean I know, but it's our record over there. I'm sure we've won a Test one. We've won one Test. Yes, in the whole history of New Zealand cricket, we've managed with all the teams we've had, all the great players we've had in the past, we've managed against some pretty ordinary Indian teams.

Maybe the only one, like you mentioned is wanke Eddy. I think we'll get well and truly beaten in Bengalo and Pune. But when it comes to wang Keitty, maybe the Indians will you know, had the foot off the throat. But they're playing for World Test Championship points, so I can't see them doing that. No.

The other problem is, as New Zealand cricket is now, these are not stadiums that we're not that we're unfamiliar with. I mean, our guys are through ipl have played heaps and sim Selvie was based in Mumbai for a long time and Bangalore and Bangalore, so you know these are these are grounds that they know well. The problem is that we are the worst players of spin in world

Yeah, we're not because you look at the domestic scene, is not that many spinners. No, because we don't have wickets but mine. You the wickets member the wickets last season and they were turning like we misread both wickets against Africa. We almost lost against the African d team. Yeah, it's slow turn occasionally a little bit of bounce. In New Zealand Bars Reserve had a bit of bounce and a bit of ten spots do well there.

But it's just it goes back generations and generations. I mean I remember talking to Davatory. So New Zealand is the artist country in the world to bowl spin in. It's the one place that you get the least. You get a little bit of bounce every now and there. But in Australia you'll get bounced. You'll also get turned on the final days and obviously get you get turned. Sometimes you get bounced as well, get prodigious turned sometimes in day one England some pictures turn and some bounce depends,

Green seams slow, the last one. I suppose that's the only reason, well not the only reason, but one of the big reasons then Vati was damn was so successful is because he was so tall. He managed to extrapolate the bounce in New Zealand as opposed to just someone like ajs Ptel.

He's not a big man and doesn't bowl a lot of pace. It just kind of just floats it up, doesn't he.

So probably the reason why you're so successful here and there translated overseas as well. So we're going to come into the England series potentially against England. First Test against England starts into November down in christ Church and we'll be coming off potentially.

I don't know what's our biggest losing streak in Test cricket. It's way more than there in a row. We don't want to test until what's nineteen fifty something. Yeah, it's true against so don't forget we were on a losing streak from the start. But I think as well, they are professional enough, these guys to know that there is no expectation that we went to the subcontinent and won a series. Yeah, this team is not good enough to

Yeah, a little bit, because you come if you come off seven straight losses potentially on Asia, which I know.

Is different, but I don't know, I don't know.

I'm a little bit one.

The one thing I am excited about is Willow Rourke and the fact that he's getting wickets in Sri Lanka. You'll probably get wickets in India as well. But he's looking really good punisher, punisher, a pushally good looking, big unit steaming in just what we need. See how he's striking a little bit, didn't get many wickets, a little bit of pressure on to get met Henry back in the team apparently what I'm hearing. So that'll be interesting to see what they do and what old Gary Steed

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