Life for the Export Beer Garden Studio and brought to you, as always by Export Ultra the beer for here. This is the Agenda Podcast for Tuesday, the seventeenth of September.
The Agenda Podcast, the home of Sporting Nonsense and Clap Trap, brought to you by Export a Culture.
And since we've changed the orientation of the studio, I no longer have the things that I look at to remind myself every day that we're in the Export Beer Garden Studios. There's a sign up on the wall there yep, and then broad to you as always by Export Ulture. There's not only here now.
Well, so it's behind you, three cans behind you, and there's a fridge behind you. It's full of it. Yeah, you can't see it. I can't see it. This is these are the issues. It's just a very visual focused man.
I am.
I'm a visual learner, yeah, yep, and I've had the visuals taken away from me, so I'll see. I'll tell you what helped me learn a lot last night was our dea friend, Sophie Acklin, who has run the numbers on the commentators win percentages for the Warriors season on the ACC.
I saw that that is someone who has either got insomnia or insane.
Well, but in her defense against the insanity case charged against her by one G Lane, have a go at the handwriting.
Yeah, I know, it's incredible a school teacher potentially.
Perhaps also various different colors. A lot of conjecture in the office around whether that was one of those bick pens that's got multiple different colors on the one pen.
That reminds me of people who used to turn up to club cricket and score for you, and they would have a pencil case with the different colors, and each batsman had a different color, every bowler had a different color.
Yeah.
It was like it was people that were there who needed to do stuff like that to keep them calm.
Yeah.
Yeah, I feel like that's the same.
Every now and then. You'll still see guys at Black Caps games who were scoring well themselves.
Yeah yeah, and it's there because their brain needs to be doing that kind of stuff.
Yeah. I don't know what possessed so for you to do this. I don't know whether she I'd love to hear from her whether she did this. Was this a running telly during the season, because I don't know how she could have gone back and checked, but anyway, she's keep track of who's commentated, what games, and whether we
won or not. Yeah, there's a full breakdown of the date, the round, the game, what commentators are on, and the score, and then there's a win percentages column at the bottom which is the combos of the combos, which is quite interesting to me. So Die Henwood called thirteen games, six wins, one draws, six losses, for a win percentage of forty six percent. Kezy commentated twelve two wins, ten losses for a win percentage of sixteen percent. I commentated twelve three wins,
nine losses, twenty five percent. Hurley commentated six four wins, one draw, one loss for a sixty six percent. Yeah. The Pantsman, the Notorious Pantsman Joel Harrison. He commentated two games, two wins, no losses, one hundred percent win rate when the Pantsman's on.
Yeah.
Look, this is a bit like test wickets and averages. I think you've got to do a minimum. You can't just come and to one game, win one and have one hundred percent record. Because I know Ben Boyce has come in with a one hundred percent record. I reckon, you've got to call a minimum of like specially with Warriors four or five games.
Now, is that because you called one game that was a loss, so you have a zero percent win record.
My argument there is I cannot remember that game.
When I saw that posted up, and then I got a bit of shit about of course you cursed one game. I was like, I fucking commodated a Warriors game. I remember commentating the game against Newcastle last year, last year when everyone was away, and I can remember that for sure, but I just couldn't for the life of me. And then I was getting all this ship and I was like, and then I came in this morning, I was like, did I knew?
Like, yeah, it was the Melbourne Storm game, and I think it was like round two. It's the second game of the year, and it was the one where Xavier Coach scored that massive try in the corner full the upside down. Yes, And I seemed I seem to remember. I don't know if I said it or just thought it. And I was like, I four season goes to ship. I could probably point into this like as the because our first game we lost. Then there was that game, then there was the draw against Melbourne. Manly and I
was like Jesus. So anyway, long and short of all of that is, there is now a petition circulating social media to have Pantsman and Ben Boyce commented every single game next year, and to remove Kesy from the alternative commentary collective. Yeah.
I noticed that he posted himself for the love of God, get rid of Kezy. It's like about one hundred and fifty likes. So like the people have spoken.
Yeah, it could be the master of his own destiny. And the Pantsman came in and said, look, it's probably going to be horrible for the ratings, but it's going to have to be him and Ben boysnigs year. You're a game.
I'm happy to roll the.
Dice with maybe Pantsman and die. I think die, and I'll throw it at Ben Hurley in.
There as well. Weary with the sixty six percent it's not straight. Yeah, that's powerful. And one of those was a draw, so you know that could easily have been bumped up to the seventies.
And also died at thirteen games. Yeah, I mean, here was more chances he was going to lose something and win some.
Yeah. Well, this is the other thing we keep saying about all of these stats about the Warriors when loss is like, yeah, they lost a lot this year. You know, it's not like the correlation between the two is not causation because they just lost. So you can't say that, oh, this and that happened during the worm. This happened during the lost. I don't know. Did you say that we didn't talk about it yesterday. Did you say the UFC was at the Sphere over the weekend? Yes?
I did. It looked insane, it looked incredible.
The Sphere. That has to be our next beer guarden to it.
Yes, just just have beers in the sphere.
Yeah, the sphere garden to it.
Speaking of which, we're off to Munich tomorrow. I know I've given it no thought. I've not packed anything. I'm just kind of going to do it. But tonight I.
Woke up at three in the morning and started thinking about it. Did you I'm one of those people who will download like five series of a show onto my phone and not watch a second of it. You know, I over prepare. I have a lot of entertainment. It's more fear for having to sit there and you know, just raw dog a whole flot. I just could not do it. But then all that happens is you get on there, you have a yarn for a bit pound, a few beers, you end up watching Lord of the
Rings or whatever movie's on there, have asleep. You never end up using any of the I carried a Nintendo Switch around Europe for a week lass last year.
Yeah, I didn't know you had that.
I know because I thought I was going to jump on the plane and play Mario Kats the whole way over there and fucking touch it. I was blacked out drunk the whole time.
So we've got twelve punters coming with us, which are going to meet them all at the airport YEP for a bier Garden tour, which involves we are what how would you say an order in Amsterdam?
Yes, three days in Amsterdam.
We were going to go to the Heineken factory and hosted by DBEP and Heineken, and.
Then pop over for three power days in Munich. Yeah, that is about as long as you'd want to be there. I don't think we're going to see much of Munich. We just we're in the tenths at October fist that whole time, which is gonna absolutely ruins me. Out.
It's a good time.
It is one of the best fits. It's one of the best fists. It was your God.
Yeah, I am excited and not as nervous for Amsterdam as I thought I would be hit this close to it. I was in Amsterdam for my twenty third birthday and that was pretty hectic. We lost an American gentleman who almost didn't make it back to the airport after he turned on the rest of the crew.
It tends to happen that was there.
Yeah, Yeah, his perception of reality got altered and he was like, I have not just been sharing our packers for months with a bunch of kivders. That's all bullshit. These guys have been trying to trick me. And he went rogue and then left us. But I think it's gonna be much more children that this time around. And I never got to go into the Heineken factory.
It's good.
So I'm excited for that. Yep, for that tour and just being in the being around the canals.
Yeah, go to the Van goth Museum maybe, and Frank's house.
Yeah, read Live District. Yeah, just to check it out, of course. Yeah, and have a geese and yeah, I am so hold on, I was gonna ask you tomorrow and I'm gonna ask you today, what's your what's your costume strategy? When you're flying Longhorse with our first flights to do by its sixteen hours Leda Hosen.
I'm wearing Alida Who, and you go on and Prinut and hot. I'm going to come and set the standard for this tour. Yeah, I'm coming in through customs and Alida Hosen.
Yeah, sixteen hours on a plane yep with a very.
Thick set leather Leader hosen yep.
And then another couple of hours do buy, and then another like seven hours Leader Who's in flight to and then land in Amsterdam, Leader Who, It's been three days in Amsterdam. Then another flight, then finally the joke pays off when you land in boys.
Always I'm always a fan of a long long play. Yeah. In reality, I may get changed into a paier of track. He's on the plane, Yeah, because having when you get into your leader hose and it's it can be quite tight around the thigh groin area. And I imagine seated for sixteen hours, I imagine a timer starts as soon as you jump in those things yeah, you got a certain.
Amount of hours. But no, because the main thing I was gonna ask is shoes or not, because I'm I'm a big fan of just you can't. You know, people say it's gross if the if you've got be a feed on the plane or you're just in your socks, because your feet will smell. No, no, no, if you'll feed it in shoes for sixteen hours, that's when your feet will smell. No. But the socks, I'm going socks and not be a feet. I'm going socks as stocks.
I'm taking the birken stocks over the socks test berks. Well, Germany's Germany is the home of the birkenstock.
That's a good idea. I'm going to do that too, socks and stock and the leader hoo's in.
And then the leader who's it. Yeah, alright, well I think we've nailed it.
You know what. The best thing I'll tell you this, I can't wait to show you a certain part of the German or the Bavarian men's where as the leader hoo's in, and then not woolen socks, but woolen calf warmers so they just cover your calf. Oh, they are so good, you're going I want some of them. And they basically wear short socks and then when your calves, when the muscle of the calves starts to go out,
the fatty part, they cover that in wool. So they're like woolen garters that come up and just cover your calves.
I think I look great.
I think I look great, and I'm I'm looking forward to purchasing a pair of those.
Yeah, I'm starting to get pretty excited as well. All right, we're we've got a very special guest on the show.
You know what, I'm tall.
We're going to take quick break and come back with our very special guest. Right, we'll Laning. On this podcast. We talk a lot about South Canterbury. I know, I crap on a lot about the unbeaten streak that's going on down there, and so I felt like it was only right that we needed to get someone on that was there and in the thick of it. So please welcome to the Agenda podcast. For the first time if a Nigel Welsh, coach of the South Canterbury rugby team
in the Heartland, Good morning, Nudgel. How's everything going? Man?
Good morning? Very well? Thank you.
Can I ask is it thirty five games on the trot?
I think it is. Yeah, I think it is. To be honest, Look, and it's an old cliche. It's something that we don't really concentrate on. We're week by week team and we keep doing our job and keep putting our men to the task and the rest of will to take care of itself. Really, but yeah, thirty five or something like that. It's three and a bit of years now.
Yeah, it's almost getting ridiculous. So you said that you don't really think about it, and obviously you never prepare to lose a game, so you're obviously not thinking about losing each of these weeks. But there must be an element of speed wobbles at some point, isn't there? After thirty five on the trot?
Is the hell of a speed wobble? Last Saturday when we're down twenty eight five against Norman that Oh.
Yeah, you tell you, you're telling me.
Nigel and I had some money on that and absolutely shit in his pants.
So yeah, there was a little bit of a speed wobble there for twenty odd minutes. I'm think at all this could be the day, but the boys dug deep and took a few instructions and went into their work and called the way back, which was an absolute outstanding comeback and just showed the resilience and the character of the boys to be able to do that.
Nigel, how like South Canterburdge, it's a big it's quite a large geographical, big region. How difficult is to get together the team weekend, week out during the Heartland competition. I mean we've got to obviously we taste of at the start of the year when you couldn't quite get up to the Hawks Bay. How hard is it to so we can week out get these guys together?
Oh, look at it. It is trucky. You know, you've got you've got freezing workers, you've got plumbers, you've got farmers, you've got you know, you know what. And you know, some of the guys get called out at night and so they can't make training and some of them may be on night shift at the freezing works and things
like that. But I will say a lot of our a lot of our businesses around here are very supportive of the South Denaby rugby team and allow the boys to shoot away for a couple of hours train and then come back and get back into the work after training and things like that. So that's really really much, you know, really appreciated for the support that we get from all the businesses around the around the community in the South Keneby region, but some of them treble far
and wide. You know, we get a vanload coming down from the McKenzie country to flee for the Colts, the South Denry Colts, the South Keneby Ah Squad and the South and the Heartland Squad. So you know they all working together, and the clubs and that around the place will supported as well and supplies vehicles and things like that. Getting down to coning, is.
There a bit of work to be done from a coaching perspective when you're bringing together guys from the likes of wymat E versus Samoka. You know a bit of bad blood there in the local comp but then they have to come together to represent Seth. Can I rey, do you have to message a few egos or keep on top of a few of the boys?
Oh I look not really like I make it very clear right at the starts. You know it's you have your own club stuff back at home and all that sort of stuff. But you know, our first meeting and our first first training or when do we get together. I'll make it very very clear that when they walk on the store, it's a green and black door, and it's no clubs affiliated, and we're walking into a new family here, and it's a tight knit family, and it's a family we're very very proud of and the history
that we're making and things like that. So I said, all club stuff goes out the back door, and you're part of a green and black family and we all work together here and they will buy into it. They've all taken on board.
And yeah, what is it about this team? What makes them so good? And how they managed to be so consistent for such a long period of time.
Coach, Look, he's there the good and the bad, and he's been been a lot of bad and there's been a hell of a lot of good doing me wrong. But to be fair, I guess it's the consistency of the players that we've had together for the last four or five years. We're you know, this year here, we've introduced our first loan player last week. Otherwise we were one hundred per local and it just shows the depth of rugging throughout the South Kenemy region and what the
clubs are doing locally. But I guess having the same players rolling in and out for the last four or five years and all knowing. You know, we spend a lot of time going through our detail and what we want to do and how we want to achieve it and things like that, and we get them to buy into it. We also get in to deliver a lot of it as well. But also with the our Pacific Island community, we make sure that we really embrace their culture and their values and things like that as well.
So you know, I tease you to go out and play a game of footy and play it the way the old parling your boy wants to play, But we've also going to make sure we understand how the specific island boys play and want to play and what makes them tick as well. And you know, it's it's not
everybody knows. We get down into a prayer every night before training and after training, before game, after game, and you know that's just us embracing their culture and their beliefs and making sure they feel part of the family.
Speaking of part of the family, how much of an influences Hecker Elliott being to the to the kind of South Canterbury family.
Yea, beckis a good man, you know, to have an ex all Black and Mary all Black and that coming into the region and then deciding to put them in boots and play for the Rams McKinsey Rams up there, and you know, he changed their club scene around a hell of a lot this year, you know, and they started getting a lot of wins on the trough and the self belief and stuff like that. So he's brings a lot of mark to the team. He brings a lot of experience to the team, and he obviously gets
a lot of respect from the boys too. And when he sees something, they all sort of listen and learn from Hacker, and he's very, very forthcoming with some of the knowledge that he's passing on to the boys, which is huge as well. So we're very lucky to have somebody like that come into our ranks and just give it that extra boost as well.
The Shield challenge, I want to talk about that. From the start of the year. What happened there was it just too expensive to get up to Hawks bade a challenge for it this year.
Look, there's a lot of things going on with our new ground and everything like that down here at the moment. You know, we're building a brand new stadium and new grass and all that sort of stuff, and it's taken a few bit of money to do that, and the local community and fundraiser and things like that have done a fantastic job and doing so. But then I think it was just a little bit a push too far is a business sense to send the team up there.
The air flights had double, the accommodation had increased, and things like that. So we had to make a business decision. And you know, when we spoke with the CEO and the board and stuff like that, it was it was like, if you're running the business, would you do it? Probably not, And so we had to put on the big boys unders and make those hard calls with the with the union and go with it. So disappointing for the players that didn't get that opportunity to have a crack at
the Shields. Most of them have had a crack, but some of the new boys this year have missed out on that opportunity. You know, I was disappointed for them as probably more than for me as a coach. I've played in ranfully Shield challenges myself in the day and now coached in them as well. So you know, I know what it's like and I know what it means, and it was pretty disappointing for some of those boys, but also fully understand why the Union called it that way.
Yeah, well, all things going to plan, Nigel. Hopefully the Marco can hold on to the shield. You can take out the Heartland Championship and then look, if you have any trouble getting to Nelson and and I and I are happy to come down and drive the coaches and we'll be more than happy to go on a roadie with the South Canterbury team up to Nelson to challenge for the shield. Don't worry about that, you just wear a phone call away, Nigel.
Okay, Jesus, don't you think you should come and see these boys and meet these boys before you commit to something like that?
Manias from that part of the world. So I feel like I've been I've been indoctrinated.
Yeah, I'm no stranger to a South Canterbury rugby bus trip and although maybe a little bit out of practice, speaking of which I grew up with, Like Miles Midlicott, THEO Davidson, gust Patterson was Dan Patterson's older brother as well. Do those boys when they come into the team talk about the impact that I left on them coming through the wrecks.
You're right up the top of the list. Talk about this legion guy that they played with down there, and you know your name kicks popping up and I've got you on the loan form, Sydney. Just fight over.
You'll be you'll be getting on tough times if you're calling out Maniah Night Jesus c.
I mean he's left in a lot of weights.
But it's just as anaerobic because fitness is just absolutely shocking.
It's probably not quite up to the standards that you'd be after. But if things do get dire or do anything.
The well, actually you talk about that. You know, we were head a couple of half backs in question over the weekend and Theo Davidson mosction on standby for us and borders kick to the ground and then was ready to put the gear on and jump on if we needed them. So it just shows the boys that you know are not fully involved with this year, this year, but they still want to see the team succeed and support the team and and we're the needed They'll come
in and help out. So it just shows the support right across the grass.
Yeah, one hundred. Well keep me on speed diar they make and the keep the paperwork there. Thank you, Thank you very much for your time this weekend, Nigel. Go well and go well the rest of the season as well.
Yeah. No, we've got the big game up and needing parking. It's half and we'll keppity this this Sunday for a proper So the boys are excited about going up to eating. I can get the heavy run around on the ground, so looking forward to it and I'm hopefully we can get some local support from in and around the Auckland area to come and have a look.
Well, would you believe we're flying out of the country on Wednesday.
We're not even going to be here, but make sure you pinched whatever you can from those changing rooms. They're in Eden Park. They've got plenty of they've got plenty of money.
So if Kayley Bell's floating about, she'll come down and watch.
You'll sing one of those songs with boys.
Yeah, thanks very much, appreciates very much.
Yours please brought you by Leader Home of the.
What a great guy in Niger Welsh's absolutely well.
I mean it took all of my self control not to scream Fox South Canterbury.
Is he is?
He left all.
I didn't know how to approach that, whether he knows about that, but it's it's.
It's it's it's a sign of endearment. It's not I don't mean it. Yeah, I don't mean it. But I couldn't bring I couldn't bring myself to Dork because he sounds like such a GC.
Yeah, I know, and I don't want him catching one that I you know that people are saying it. Second thing he's heard about me is that people are saying fux South Gnery. And the first thing was that I was a massive influence on a lot of the players. That yeah, I think he was just playing for South Genery. Anyway, it is yours. Please your chance to get involved in
the show. Bottom right hand corner of your iHeartRadio app at the way microphone button, record yourself a message, be part of the show, just like this caller hit yours. Please get eight fellas.
I just want to thank you guys for jumping on the Auckland f C Ben wagon. Another team you're probably going to curse, fuck Auckland FC up the next I was waiting for the first Knicks fan have a hounded us. Yeah, and bring it on.
We'll throwing it on.
I say, mate, we're going to be hiffing red hot flares onto the outfield of Westpac Stadium or Sky Stadium down in Wellington when we come down there for the away derby. Don't you worry about that.
We don't know anything about soccer nothing, by the way, and they have no allegiance other than the fact that it's going to piss a lot of fan ex fans off.
Yeah, absolutely, I can't wait. I mean, I work for FIFA for two and a half years. I still don't know anything about football. Oh true, you did too, Yeah, but I was the ultimate weapon because Heylane can you do all the opposite of the teams and stuff? And I had no idea any of the players were, of course, so it's completely oblivious. The fact I was yelling at line on Messi that he was going the wrong way.
This way. He's never been talked to like that was life.
I even gave him a whistle, Wait the pictures this way, your little fucking midget other way.
Powerful.
I didn't say that but I did yell at him.
So yeah, we are going to get in behind, and arguably you're going to curse some although again you're not leaving the g Lane curse is when Lane leaves his hometown or whereas living to support one of his teams.
So the away derby, the away derby could could qualify, it could qualify. But the first game and the first home derby is going to be at Gohard Stadium. We're going to take over Lily World. I was going to go and smash the back out of Lily World before the game. Spot Wait, can't wait you when you got a bar that's fifty meters from the seat?
Oh like that?
Yeah, So at Gohart Stadium, make an afternoon of it. I'm looking forward to that. So yeah, bring it on, brilliant.
One more caller here, yours please?
Yeah?
Okay, I haven't managed to watch the old game or two halves, but could you talk about the word sleep?
Could you sleep in a bit of yours?
Bows?
See how many times you can get away with saying it and the funny voice.
You know, I love it? Nice. That's a bit like the Tinacoto challenge that Jimy Wells did during eating and he rang up Michael Laws on z B and he got in thirteen.
Before we got cut off. Yeah. Yeah, so we're gonna we wanted to try and get a word sneaking on Game and two halves this week. Yeah, I think it's gonna have to be yours please. The only problem I have is that there is to probably behind the curtain a little bit of editing for time because it has to fit in a twenty seven minute slot on TV. So there is every chance that I could say and it gets cut out and does that count against me?
Yeah?
It does. It's gonna make it cut not got to make it count. So you're gonna make it count. So you've got to throw it in at a good at a good time. So maybe it's during like that truth and dear and you go Matt Heath yours please? Yes, were telling the truth? Yes? Yeah?
Yeah, So they can't get rid of it.
Whatever his liars just be like, all right, I don't think that you're telling the truth about the Matt Heath yours please? Yeah, yours yours please? Yeah, Okay, I'll try.
And then they won't be able to hit it out.
I'll try sneak it in on this week's episode. We'll do that for you. So that means you're gonna have to watch to find out if it if it did happen or not, and then you're gonna have to send in a message because we will be in Amsterdam.
Yes, physically, we'll be in Amsterdam.
Spiritually will be in the seventh Circle of Hell. But my carcass will be somewhere in the can floating in a canal in Amsterdam, so the message.
But we'll be doing this podcast from over there.
Yeah, you know, there's no no holidays, no days off for the Gender Podcast, so we will be coming live from the expert ultrare ber Garden Tour also give us a hand as well, because we've been to Paris.
The Rugby World Cup was on.
We went for the beer Garden tour there. Didn't see a game, but we went there for the beer. We're going now to Amsterdam and Munich for beer Fest. Question is we're too next year? Yeah, we're two and twenty five.
Well I think the sphere the sphere in Vegas. Yeah, the sphere in Vegas.
We're going to Vegas for the Warriors. You're not, so that counts out.
I mean, do we go to Austin, Texas and go to the capital of barbecue in the world. What about a super Bowl Super Bowl? Yep, we could go there. We could go to a Formula one. We could go to a golf tournament. Oh yes, I live golf in Adelaide.
I reckon.
Yeah. We could go to the Masters hard to get tickets, though.
The only problem is Augusta is not very ACC friendly. I feel like we'd get tossed as soon as we got on there.
Formula one I think could fit. The Formilia one could fit. I think going to a barbecue pit Masters and text us with fit. We could shoot some guns and drink beer and eat meat.
Yeah, yeah, you're like, yeah, I was just thinking about. Hasn't there some places in southeast as we can blow up a cow with the rocket launcher? Y I don't know if he export will be on board and then I don't anyway. Yeah, send us in a voicemail, but of yours please. Other than that, we will be back tomorrow. We don't fly out till tomorrow night, so we'll be back tomorrow with another episode of the Gender Podcast.
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