Welcome to The Act of Coaching, the podcast from Act Leadership. We're a leadership and performance coach training company focused on developing exceptional leadership coaches for modern times. My name is Phil Askew and each week on this show, I'll be joined by a member of our brilliant alumni, putting a voice to their very own hero's journey story. Our hope is that listening in to real world stories of everyday people who have chosen coaching as a vocation will serve to demystify things and help you decide.
if this incredible vocation is something that calls to you too. So with that, let's meet this week's guest. Welcome Amber, it's so lovely to have you here and thank you for being on the first show. I'm really excited to speak with you today. Thank you so much for having me, I'm excited to speak. Cool, so this is the first episode and in essence what we're doing is we're having conversations with amazing coaches who have trained with ACT leadership and
I'm going to get really curious about what got you into coaching, a bit about your background and what kind of decision points that you made coming into coaching and what kind of convinced you that this is the direction you want to take. And then maybe what did you have to overcome to get you into coaching? What were the decisions and choices that you made to actually choose this course in particular? And I suppose what I'm really interested in is what you're doing with it now. So you did the course and then you went out into the world.
You're applying it in everyday life. So that's sort of the arc that we're going to be going through as we talk for the next half an hour. All right, let's do it. All right. So right at the very beginning then, let me start by asking you, and there's no pressure, no pressure to have the most fine-tuned elevator statement in the world. But first of all, say a little bit about who you coach and what it is you help them with. Okay. I am Amber J. Adam.
I'm a leadership and executive coach that specializes in helping mid-career professionals. I've always been somebody who has been really interested in millennials. I'm a millennial. And so as I was thinking about the type of coaching I wanted to do, I think I was just naturally drawn to millennials and where we are right now career-wise is in that mid-professional space. So people who have had some experience on the job, they're not quite early career.
But then they are still going toward more senior levels and still climbing. But what I really, I would say, specialize in is I love to work with people who feel stuck. People who feel stuck, whether that is they are looking for a new role that maybe fits more in line with who they are. People who feel stuck and just don't know what they should be doing next. And then I absolutely love working with people who feel stuck in a story.
But what are the stories that they are telling themselves about what they do, what they've done, what they're capable of that might be holding them back from getting to that next place? Wow. Yeah. So that's pretty clear. Yeah, it's very clear. And I want to say that it's taken me a while to get, this is the culmination of kind of all the years.
of thinking about millennial things and going through my career and everything to get to this place where I was able to really see so clearly, this is who I want to be helping at this point in time. I love it. And I am really curious, actually, because that's how these conversations are going to get. They're going to be like curious conversations. I'm really curious about, you mentioned millennial a few times in that lift statement or that formulation of what it is you do. And you said that you are a millennial as well. So what do you make up about?
millennialism is that a word what do you make up about millennials and where do you see that they struggle the most at the moment oh i could talk about this all day long so you may have to jump in and stop me you may have to do some jumping in so when it comes to millennials i think that we are in such an interesting place in that we grew up with a foot on
how things were done previously and whether that is from watching our parents be in workplaces where the facts was still the leading way that you communicated with people to owning cassette tapes ourselves to making that transition from cassette tapes to CDs to Napster and now Spotify. And then we've just echoed that same trail throughout our careers as well. So many of us got out of school during the recession, the first recession that we know.
the one that happened in like 2008, 2009, 2007. And this, I think, really made such an impact on us as a generation because suddenly we became very aware that life can be done differently, that this formula that we were given to go to school and go to college, and if you do A, B, C, and D, then you will get, you know, this will be your reward. And all of that changed.
And so we were left in this place in our early career trying to figure out if this formula that we were given isn't necessarily the way to go, what does that mean? And I think we are still in that place of asking, what does this mean? And I think that we are driven on one hand by purpose more than previous generations. But I also think that we're driven by this sense of still wanting to get the rewards that we were promised.
And we don't know what that looks like in our life moving forward. And then for me, one of the reasons why I was so interested in leadership in particular is that we're now moving into a place of being leaders in our companies, of being leaders in our lives. And how do we want to take that on? How do we want to redefine it? I'm not sure if everyone knows, or at least my thinking is it's possible for us to redefine everything. That's just how I approach life.
And so that's something that I really infuse into that coaching space, but also just when I'm talking to people as well. So I think there's a lot of potential there. But I do think when I talk about that being stuck, that potential for not knowing which way to go is also there as well. I think it's so interesting, like how, so being a coach myself, people come to us at a certain point in time where they feel stuck.
And that they can't find the results or can't find the solutions themselves, don't they? And so I think it's really important for us as coaches to really clearly define what kind of stuckness we help with. And from what you're just saying, it feels very clear. And I think it's interesting that you're mentioning generationally as well, millennials, I think it's brilliant. Because I would class as Gen X, you know?
I came at the start of the internet and I had, you know, all these, all these things happening. So it was a really exciting time, but it's interesting. And I've coached a lot of millennials when I was starting out in the early days, 2007, 2008, I think I started coaching. A lot of millennials were so open and interested in coaching. So, wow, this is brilliant. Like back in the early days, for older people, I would have to say, okay, oh, I'm a life coach. And they'd be like, I'm sorry, what do you know about my life? We would have to try to convince them of what this was.
But I do think the good thing about being in this millennial mid-career space is that we just are open to things. And one of the things that really continues to drive me as a coach is, okay, if we're open to things happening around us, how can we bring that same energy to our life and be open to things and open to how we either want to interpret them, open to how we want to lead our lives, lead our stories, and ultimately, of course, lead our careers as well.
Oh, fantastic. I love the way you frame it. It just makes so much sense. There's a lot of clarity in how you outline why coaching is beneficial. Because we're hardly even talking about the actual modality of coaching, but we're talking about almost like your drives and your motivations to do this work in the world. And coaching is just really the vehicle of delivery, isn't it, on how to do it? It is. And when I'm coaching with clients, I use a lot of visualizations because I'm such a visual person. And I always get to a point where I'm like, okay.
What if we think about it from this way? Like, how does this resonate with you? And so when you just said that about the vehicle, I imagined us getting in the car. We're coming along for this trip and we're on this journey, but where are we going? And I think that's one of the beautiful things about coaching is that we get to use those types of things. And it's a part of our modality. It's a part of our toolbox. But it's something that so many people can really see. We get to help them paint that picture for themselves.
Yeah, I love that. And also it feels like a fantastic metaphor because we're sitting beside our clients, aren't we? We're both looking at the future together rather than me as a therapist, for instance, like looking at my client and just trying to help them work things out about their past. So there is a thing about being side by side, shoulder to shoulder, moving forward. So that's a really great metaphor. Yeah. And when I talk to people, when I'm initially starting the coaching relationship with them, I always say that we're partners in this.
I'm not ahead of you. I'm not behind you. We're shoulder to shoulder. And what I have found is that people really deeply appreciate that ability to be a partner with somebody. Because if you think about our day-to-day life, we all play these different roles. And most of them are not as equal to anybody or anything. We're all striving for that space, I think, in various relationships. But it's the one relationship where I'm coming in.
as a partner to you. I am shoulder to shoulder with you. We are side by side. Let's move this forward. And what a fantastic feeling to be supported by a human being who's not going to interrupt us, is going to listen well, you know, and is going to offer up opportunities and possibilities maybe hadn't seen before. It's such a gift, isn't it? To be on the receiving end of coaching. It really is. Yeah. And I, you know, had gotten to experience being on the receiving end of coaching prior to becoming a coach.
And so I think it's a gift in all ways. It's a gift for me to be the person who is holding that space for them, the one who is partnering with my clients. I get excited when I see them moving forward and starting to shift their mindset or starting to really rebuild their story for themselves. It delights me. You can tell. Yeah, you can feel that it's purposeful for you. It's not just a job.
I don't think any coach is trained to be coaches because it's just a cool thing to say and a nice job to have. It's so purposeful. It's very purposeful. You bring a lot of yourself to it. And I think that's what's so fascinating about being in the career coaching space as well, is that I think intrinsically, all of us want to show up for whatever it is that we do to make money or to have our time and have it be something that we really want to be.
I don't think anyone was born and said, I want to spend eight hours of my day doing something that I just don't want to be there. I don't want to be there. It's such a miserable feeling. And so to be in a place where I'm able to do this and really bring myself to it authentically in some ways, purposeful ways, intentionally is a lot of, it's a lot of joy that really.
I'm so excited and glad to be able to tap into all the time. So can you tell me a bit, I'm really curious about, well, firstly, how you discover coaching because people don't necessarily, it's not been around long enough to say at school, I want to be a coach, I want to be a life coach or whatever, a leadership coach. So oftentimes we come across it because we hit something which is like really confusing or overwhelming or we get burnout and we got fired and we're just, I don't know what to do in my life. We come across it.
But it's almost like a hero's journey, if you like. Can you say a little bit about how you came across coaching? Coaching has been something that I think first I came across this idea of people who were being nonconformist, which is one thing to say when you're like, I'm doing leadership coaching, career coaching, because the two usually don't mix. But I came across people who were navigating the nonconformist space. And I came across this thing called lifestyle design.
And this was when I was probably like mid, almost going into my late 20s. And at the time from my place in a cubicle, I was like, lifestyle design, what does this even mean? And as I started to get deeper into that and understand that there were people out there who had the same thoughts as me, who wanted to figure out how can I design my life and live on my own terms and really enjoy, you know, who I am and what I want to do that.
coaching entered into the chat as well as the millennials as the youth say coaching entered into the chat right around some uk colloquialism there as well haven't you with the youth yeah with the youth um so coaching entered the chat and i started to learn more about people being coaches people having coaches and so it always intrigued me and i think that i knew
This was something that I wanted to do, and I got to experience it for myself. I've had several coaches years before I formally got into the coaching program, but I also had my own journey of really, one, going through the different things that I went through in my career for the good, the bad, the ugly, the left to the right, all kinds of stuff that I think now looking back, I can say, okay, this gave me more. It gave me a deeper well to draw from.
Also, because I was going through those things at this time, I didn't see myself as someone who could be a coach. And I think that everybody, maybe not everybody, but a lot of people who think about being a coach, we all have that moment where it's, who's going to listen to me? Who am I to step out and say, I can coach people? Who am I to do this work? And I had to figure out how to get beyond that. And that took years.
And now, of course, as a coach, I know that's a clear area where if you're having those feelings, you should get a coach to help you work through it because it's just faster to help you move forward than what you can do on your own. But it is something that I had to go through. So there was the knowledge that coaching is a thing that I thought this might be really cool for me, but also the inner battle of figuring out what is my story and how am I moving myself forward before I can get to a space.
where I can say yes and name it and claim it, put my stake in the ground. I want to be a coach. I want to do this and see the value that all of the different experiences that I had could actually bring to the space. Yeah, it's really interesting. Yeah, that's a great story for how you started to become aware of it and then how you started to think, actually, this is a thing. This is a vocation I can follow. Yeah. So that feels really...
That was something that we didn't necessarily have a few years previous because it was more like, this is kind of quite cutting edge stuff, you know? Is it sort of American? What is this? Who are these people to tell me what my life is, you know? And certain American coach training schools were quite loud and shouty. In the American way, what can we say? That's how we roll. Well, that was a problem. It was not a problem at all, but it felt a bit kind of like that.
Culturally, how is that going to fit in when I was getting curious about coaching? Yeah. And I love how you came to it, how you arrived at it through lifestyle design. What a great term. I've heard that term before as well. It's like, what am I doing in my life? What really matters and why does it matter? Exactly. And so you then headed towards, I assume, some form of thinking about, right, I want to be trained in this stuff. Yeah. I want to get some sort of qualification in this. Not everyone does.
And it's so great that you did because coaching is unregulated and sometimes people can just change the name on the business card and you think, oh, that's not really coaching, is it? But doing an accredited course and something that's got some real stability and solidity around is obviously really important. So how did you go about seeing what was out there? I thought about what did I want from a program. So like you said, there are so many people who...
don't go the certification route. And if that's the thing, if that's your jam, that's your jam. I found, because I had taken a couple of other courses before they were in that space, it did not work for me. I wanted something that was going to have more of a framework. I wanted mentors who were bringing a different type of experience to the space where it wasn't just like the hard scrabble. Yeah, this is all the things I had to go through and now I've learned from it.
But it was really a mix of experience also knowing how to really look at that work and put some structure behind it. And so as I was looking for programs, one of the things that really made a difference to me was I wanted a program that I felt was going to focus on the human side of leadership, the human side of the career coaching. Because as I've expressed, I am not Little Miss Corporate. I am not rah, rah, rah.
Yeah, I want to be in the cubicle. I never had those aspirations. That's just not how I roll. But I knew that this idea of leadership, I wanted to take that and run with it and expand it and expound on it. And so I was looking for a program where I could see that structure. The structure I could get could help me, whether I'm coaching an executive or if I'm coaching someone who just wants to be the executive of their life.
But that key piece of it for me was how are we looking at the humanity of the person that's with us? How are we able to speak to that piece of things? Because I did not want a program that was just going to feel like, hi, I am Amber and I am a leadership coach. Like I didn't want something that felt robotic. And so when I was doing my research, I came across several programs and ACT really spoke to me in that way. You know, I did the research. I looked at the website.
I think they had videos on there and everything and really did some digging. And of course, through the process of applying, you know, speaking with people who worked at ACT. And it just felt different to me in terms of how I wanted to feel about moving into a program, how I wanted to feel about making this investment in myself. Because a lot of people come from their company pays for it. I paid for it myself. This was Amber's money.
that was going into this so that meant that i needed to feel like this investment makes sense financially but also in terms of the time and what i believe that this will enable me to do as i navigate building coaching practice in the business yeah i think there's a there's a real sense of of direction about the act program isn't there is because it's leadership so rather than years ago there used to be
just coach training programs where you become a life coach, which feels very, it felt very new at the time, but it feels very generic now. And ACT is obviously all about leadership, whether it's the leadership of your own life or the people that you're actually coaching. So it has almost an energy about it and a direction, directionality. And I'm wondering, saying all that, this is really interesting. Thank you for sharing that. I'm wondering like,
And maybe during the course, were there any things that kind of stood out to you that you were like, this is an interesting tool. This is shining a new light on how I see the world. Because it does, doesn't it? Like we've got to do our own work in order to, yes, she says laughing. Yeah, me too. It's like, oh, yeah. That's the unwritten disclaimer of coach training, isn't it? It's like we have to do our own work in order to be a great coach as well. So I'm just wondering, what was the work that you had to do for yourself? I would say.
That I think those feelings definitely came up, especially in those early days when we were in module one. And I did the program where we were hybrid. So I actually got to be around my classmates, which was amazing, or my cohort members. And the thing that really challenged me was one, learning to become a better listener. I thought, oh, I'm a good listener. But it was like, you need to learn how to really.
focus in on what the person is saying. I live in New York City. I've lived here for a long time. We have to fight for everything. That's just our nature. It's just the energy. And sometimes listening and being present with someone and really being present with what they have to say doesn't come with that. So I came into this experience having to learn.
a different way of listening compared to what I had been doing in my day-to-day life or compared to what I had probably been doing in my work life at that point as well. So that was a challenge for me. I also said in a lot of ways, those early days were like learning how to write with my left hand because we were really challenging ourselves on how do we go deeper as coaches.
as human beings, of course, with our own selves, because when you're doing those, the practice work, and you're doing the coaching with your cohort members and your classmates, your stuff is coming out. You're talking about things that are going on with you, and suddenly you're like, whoa, okay. And it's such an amazing process to see as we started to get better and better and really bringing the things that we were learning into those conversations.
Because I can remember having a conversation with one of my classmates, and we did one of our first coaching things together. And we both, after our conversation that we had with each other, thought, I would do this differently. I would do this differently. And then I remember partnering with her again later on. And just how the questions that she asked me, I was like, whoa. Just one crowd, because here, this is my friend and my cohort member, and I'm excited to see that growth.
But also, oh my God, just really being able to see that power of coaching in real time was just really amazing. Yeah, I think that makes such a big difference, doesn't it? Using your actual real world circumstances to coach around, which of course we do in the ACT course, rather than just there's no role play. It's like, we're bringing our real stuff. Maybe that's a little bit shocking for certain participants who didn't recognize that was going to happen. But no, there's no role play here. Actually, we're using real stuff.
Because if you want your client to open up to you, there has to be a building of trust and, of course, confidence and confidentiality and all those things. You can't do that without going through that process yourself. So I think that's one of the things that just challenged probably us all. Because especially when you're coming from being in a corporate space.
Being in a space where, you know, from a cultural standpoint, we're required to mask ourselves. We aren't necessarily like now this whole thing of coming to work is all of who you are. It's a newer concept. This hasn't been something that has been championed throughout our working time. So to be at this place where now we're trying to help people, especially in my work, the work that I do, I want to help them to remove that mask.
And it's hard, it's difficult, and you have to start with yourself first. Totally. Yeah, I love how you say that. And I think it's interesting because, especially in the workplace, which is where a lot of our leadership coaching happens, those who are in power within the companies, I think, historically speaking, felt safe in knowing that this is your role, this is what this person does, and they don't go across the lines, you know? Yeah. No, no, that's who they are.
And I can come in and I can go, I know that, you know, John's going to be doing this and Kate's going to be doing that. There's a certain safety around that. So I think that sometimes it can feel maybe a little bit like, well, who is this person with all their new reign showing up? And I wonder how, yeah, so it makes sense here. And so I'm wondering how you were received, if that's the right way of putting it, after you've done your training, because, you know, as they say, wherever you go, there you are. So it's like, you can't keep this all contained with this fantastic coaching training you've done.
You know, when you're going to work, I'm wondering how you were received by your friends, maybe in family and also at work. Like, how did that alter if at all? I think when I was still working for someone else. So during the program, I went through a transition. I went through a layoff. So I got to add more complexity to my career story. And that's how I look at it. Oh, more complexity. OK, a new chapter. Here we go. It was so interesting to have my classmates with me through that period as well.
And one of the things that I thought about before I was out of a kind of, I guess, formal situation that way was having empathy as a leader and having empathy upwards and downwards. So I was leading a team, which meant I had to respond to people who worked for me. And then I also worked for someone else. And so a lot of the things that I started to learn to bring into the space.
We're really around empathy and empathizing with being in that leadership role, which I think is something that people don't talk about as much because sometimes when we talk about leaders, especially big companies, all we focus on is they are making big bucks. They're fine. And the thing about being a leader is it's very lonely at the top. And you can't talk to everybody about all of the things and you don't get to talk about a mask.
This person, that's like the ultimate mess because you're carrying so much that you don't always get to share. So I really learned the value, I think, of people really having coaches in that space as well because they don't have partners where you're in those roles. It's just you. And so that was super valuable and something that I definitely still embody now that I'm working for myself and consulting and working with different clients. It also pops up in my day-to-day life.
with my friends in my relationship. I told my, you know, also during the coaching program, got into a new relationship. And one of the things that I told my boyfriend, I said, I think you are getting a better version of me because the version of me. Yeah, I gave Amber 2.0. The version of me that you're getting right now is someone who is invested in really listening in a deeper way, who is invested in.
being even more curious. I've always been a curious person because my background is in journalism and writing and editing, all those things, which requires curiosity. But really being more curious about the human spirit and how he, or whether it's my friends or my family, how they are experiencing things. And I think one of the biggest departures, and I put this into my life, is when we're doing the training, we learn.
Don't start with the why question. Like we really, with everyone in culture, they start with why, which is a great book. I love it. Thank you, Simon Sinek. Yes, Simon Sinek. I got to meet him one time outside of Whole Foods in New York City. But we start with what? We start with how? We start with other questions that don't involve why, because we learn that why sometimes can put people in a defensive space. And that's something that I remember when I'm having conversations with people.
And maybe I'm feeling kind of like, oh, why did you? And I stopped myself. I stopped myself. I'm like, you know what? What inspired you? What was your thinking? Like, how can I really come to this conversation a different way? And so that's something that I'm applying as a person in my relationships, also as a new business owner, because that, what a journey within itself.
But yeah, I learned a lot and I can see how it shows up in my day to day. That's beautiful. I think the quality of listening in that new way is such a gift for us and also with those who are being listened to as well. It's like, I don't know about you, but being listened to by another coach is one of the most therapeutic things in the world. So what we do is create this intentional space, don't we?
It's no, I'm not expecting you to come up with any genius answers or any solutions. Just use this space to feel like you won't be interrupted and see what we can discover together. And it feels like that's what you're pointing to. It's like you were saying to your partner, your boyfriend is, yeah, you're getting the better version of me now. It's got a sort of more maybe richness to the way that we listen in that way. Yeah, for sure. It is a richness. Like it's definitely a richness. And I think no matter what environment you happen to be in.
And that can only speak for the American side of these things. And especially being a New Yorker, I think it becomes easy for people to stay on the surface. And I think what we've gone through collectively, globally, this global health event that we all went through together, switch that up. And I think we're still recognizing how do we want to be on the other end of that? Because you can't go through something like that and not change. And what does this mean for workplaces as well? What does this mean for?
leadership as well. And so digging underneath that surface and learning how to, as we were saying, of course, hold the line, like where, how to be above the line is something as well that I think is just so important. So this has been incredibly interesting, really interesting. Thank you. I think what'd be really lovely to, yeah, easy, right? Yeah. I think what'd be lovely to actually draw this into a close with would be to actually hear from you.
a bit about where you see yourself very coachy question i just realized where you see yourself in five years time so heading on of course we evolve and change and grow as we go personally and business wise as well but what kind of intentions are you setting and where do you see yourself in five years as a coach what a great question thanks from coach to coach what a great question in five years are just the way that i'm running i look at myself
I look at the marathon. So the marathon for me is that I, and this is like my, we talk about moonshots in the US where we say, this is our goal. I want to change the way we work in the United States. And I want to do that by coaching more people who are going into leadership positions, who will go into those positions and say, how do I want to define leadership for this company? Because
The fish rots from the head. I've heard that in the show Scandal. And I've always kept that in mind. The fish rots from the head. And I feel like that's a thing that we don't always talk about because you can't. It's a hard thing to say in corporate spaces, but it's true. When you're leading a company and you're making the decisions, it's a domino effect. Every decision you make is going to impact people because you have to have a certain level.
of awareness around what you do. I want to be able to change the way we work here in America because I want us to have more human, more empathetic workspaces. And I think that will start with the people who are going into those leadership roles now. So that's another reason why I'm so interested in mid-career professionals and millennials because we've got next when it comes to taking on leadership roles. Another piece of that view is I want to be able to talk more about career wellness.
That is something that I'm very interested in defining. How can you be yourself on a day-to-day? How can you be in spaces where you feel comfortable being who you are, where you're able to have a life outside of the office, where work is important, but you don't get all of your validation and sense of worth and value for what you do? I want to do retreat. Like, I'm a big traveler.
I love to travel. I'm always bopping around. And traveling is a big piece of my story and how I gained more confidence to deciding to be a coach. Came from me taking solo backpacking trips. How can I bring that into the career space and help people have different types of experiences? And then just in the nitty gritty, in the right now, I'm building my company. I want to like coach as many people as I can. People who feel stuck.
who feel stagnant, who feel plateaued. I just see the potential in people. And I want to be able to have those conversations with as many people as I can. I love to help people think differently. It lights me up. So yeah, I hope that in five years, I'm doing all those things and more things that I can't even envision right now. Yeah. Something's just come to mind.
That's all incredible, by the way. Oh, thank you. Something has just come to mind. Maybe like if I had to say to you in one line, one sentence, how would you like to be remembered? How would I like to be remembered? I think I would like to be remembered as someone who, when people were around them, they really felt the depths of which I believe in them. I'm a pusher.
Like I've always been a pusher. All of my friends will tell you from the time I was a kid until now, if you tell me you want to do something, you've told the wrong person if you don't want to do it. If you're not serious about this, because I'm going to encourage you. I want people to live like I learned at an early age that life is short through things that happen in my life. And I've always carried that energy with me that I just want people to be happy and to.
enjoy, you know, what they're doing. Because as we say, life is hard. You don't have to go looking for hard. Hard will find you. That's just the nature of how it goes. What you need to be looking for is the joy and the light and the energy and belief in yourself. So yeah, that's more than a line, but I think you get the gist. Well, it's a long line, but it's a good line. That's amazing. That's beautiful. And just lastly, final, I promise it's not another big question. It's a small question.
Logistically speaking, how can people find you? How would you like people to connect with you? I am Amber J. Adams on all the things. So if you start there, you will find all the different things that I do. I have my website, amberjadams.com.
I'm building Amber Career Studio. So Amber Career Studio is going to be the spot that houses my coaching and workshops and the things that I want to do. The little seed that is being planted to get me to those big audacious goals. But if you start with Amber J. Adams, it's the easiest way to find me and then you'll be able to connect with me. Amber J. Adams, it's been a real pleasure. Thank you. I've enjoyed this a lot. Yeah, thank you for the conversation. It's big sin.
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