Things You Need to Know Before Getting Married

[SPEAKER_01]: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for downloading. [SPEAKER_01]: And thank you for subscribing to the latest edition of the Twelve Kyle Podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: I am your boy, twelve Kyle. [SPEAKER_01]: Man, check this out. [SPEAKER_01]: On this episode, what I'm going to talk about is marriage. [SPEAKER_01]: More specifically, there are some things that you probably should know before you get married.

[SPEAKER_01]: as many of you know, or maybe you don't know, this year in September, I will be celebrating twenty-five years of marriage. [SPEAKER_01]: While I say that not for any type of applause or paths on the back, I will say that it is very hard, but also very rewarding as well as always say. [SPEAKER_01]: and I've enjoyed these twenty-five years. [SPEAKER_01]: So, but I never want to come on and speak like I'm an authority because my path was just my path.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't work for necessarily for everybody, but the thing that I want to convey is just some of the things that you should think about. [SPEAKER_01]: And as you can see, if you're watching on YouTube, thank you for watching. [SPEAKER_01]: I have a guest. [SPEAKER_01]: Today's guest is a stranger to you, but not a stranger to me. [SPEAKER_01]: Me and this young lady go back. [SPEAKER_01]: I want to say we started being friends back when I was in a ninth grade.

[SPEAKER_01]: And she was in the tenth grade. [SPEAKER_01]: We were at Wilson High School in Florida, South Carolina. [SPEAKER_01]: This is one of my best friends. [SPEAKER_01]: We literally grew up together. [SPEAKER_01]: She is a actress. [SPEAKER_01]: She is a hustler. [SPEAKER_01]: She's an entrepreneur. [SPEAKER_01]: She also is a fellow podcast or her podcast appears on Facebook. [SPEAKER_01]: It's called Words Between the Sheets, Ladies and Gentlemen.

[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome again to the Twelve Kyle Podcast for the first time ever. [SPEAKER_01]: My home girl Marie Marie, what up? [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, Kyle, about time. [SPEAKER_00]: You put me on your part. [SPEAKER_00]: I can't say for thirty five years, but glad. [SPEAKER_01]: This is how we start man. [SPEAKER_01]: I thought he had intro. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I know that was a thank you. [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. [SPEAKER_00]: That was a one.

[SPEAKER_01]: Listen, I mean, we do go back and you did, you know, kind of harassed me about the podcast, but I, but I told you before the offer of stud, you had a open offer. [SPEAKER_01]: You just, you so busy, man. [SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I'm glad you had time for your boy. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't play me. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you last on my check. [SPEAKER_01]: You was on a movie set. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that was, that's the last of my asks you to be on.

[SPEAKER_01]: The next thing I know, you're in some TV show with Sonalathan. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay. [SPEAKER_01]: Wow. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, let's be nice and welcome. [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome. [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for coming over.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. [SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate it. [SPEAKER_01]: So I got you when we're gonna talk a little bit about marriage and some of the things that people should know going into marriage. [SPEAKER_01]: Full disclosure, my friend Marie here has been married. [SPEAKER_01]: Not once, but twice. [SPEAKER_01]: And she is now divorced. [SPEAKER_01]: Not single, not looking to mingle, correct? [SPEAKER_00]: Correct.

[SPEAKER_01]: So she's spoken for, but she has a very interesting perspective on marriage as I do as so do I. So we're going to talk about that a little bit. [SPEAKER_01]: So before we get started Marie, I guess I want to start with people getting married and you can feel free to dive all just much or as little of your experiences as you'd like. [SPEAKER_01]: When I think about marriage, the first thing I think about is like counseling.

[SPEAKER_01]: When people go forward, the pre-marriage counseling. [SPEAKER_01]: A couple of questions. [SPEAKER_01]: One, did you have the pre-marriage counseling with a marriage counselor or a pastor or someone like that? [SPEAKER_01]: And then two, what do you think is that a positive or negative is something that people should do? [SPEAKER_00]: I think it is. [SPEAKER_00]: what people should do like my first marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: My ex-husband was from synagogue and he was Muslim.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that was sort of tricky because he didn't believe in going into a church far less talking to a pastor. [SPEAKER_00]: We did have a meeting with the pastor that married us and he, you know, it was like, you couldn't say Jesus and all that stuff in the vows. [SPEAKER_00]: So that one, you know, [SPEAKER_00]: But he did counselors and everything. [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it is good, even with the second one, we went to counseling.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think we should have went more than one time. [SPEAKER_00]: But that one, the second marriage, it was more, it was American. [SPEAKER_00]: But he really didn't, like to me, I find like most men do not want to go to America counseling. [SPEAKER_00]: What do you say that? [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of them say they just didn't want to go this way. [SPEAKER_00]: It was more than women taking lead and saying we need to go to America.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think if we would have went to more sessions, we may still be married, not because clearly when we being divorced, neither one of them listen to what the pastor said. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I have a question. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like, it, it, it, the, America's fifty, fifty. [SPEAKER_01]: So I know. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: So you can't blame. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not blamed. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: And he was saying, I was like, I felt like we need to go more than one or two sets. [SPEAKER_00]: Right. [SPEAKER_01]: Right. [SPEAKER_00]: Right. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: With the second marriage, he just wanted to go to one and done. [SPEAKER_00]: That's what he wanted to do. [SPEAKER_00]: Literally one in the he right here. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to go to anymore. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that's what he said. [SPEAKER_00]: So it is what it is.

[SPEAKER_00]: Wow. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've gone to couple counseling with who I'm dating now. [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, the counseling is stuff virtual. [SPEAKER_00]: So, and I find that it does help our relationship and it just builds and builds and and we go to church together and things that nature also so that helps also because literally that's what the past have been preaching on for the last three weeks is marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I don't know if I told you this, but like we did the marriage counseling before we got married, but we only had one session too. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. [SPEAKER_00]: Is that what we, okay? [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted one more. [SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's right. [SPEAKER_00]: I was careful by myself.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, here's the thing, ours was different because, and it was probably going to be one session because, you know, we lived here in Atlanta, but we got married in South Carolina in Cherice, my wife's grandparents, home town. [SPEAKER_01]: And so we had to make the trip. [SPEAKER_01]: So it wasn't like, you know, the pastor is local, or you're local. [SPEAKER_01]: So that may have had something to do with the butt.

[SPEAKER_01]: And again, I'm not sure if I told you this, but I'll tell you this now on the podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: I remember we were sitting there, we were having this interview or whatever with this pastor. [SPEAKER_01]: And we're getting, you know, it's going pretty good. [SPEAKER_01]: And we get probably about halfway through the conversation. [SPEAKER_01]: And he says, we said something about living together or something like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: We alluded to the fact that we were both living together. [SPEAKER_01]: Because we were living together. [SPEAKER_01]: And he was like, he just had this, he just looked, he was like, this crazy look like you guys lived together. [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, yeah, he was like, oh, he was like, well, I'm gonna have to decline as far as, you know, officiating this ceremony. [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, word. [SPEAKER_01]: And so, now keeping my, I don't know buddy.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like, all right, well, and he went into why he basically said like, [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's against his principles, his religion for people to be cohabitating and having premarital sex, which was very presumptive because he's assuming that we couldn't maybe we weren't having sex. [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, of course, we had a kid. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, the arm was like one. [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, a little story short.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that particular thing left me kind of, I want to say better, but I was just like, I was a little pissed off about it because [SPEAKER_01]: That's something he could have asked or figured out long before we came and he could have had someone else sitting talk with us. [SPEAKER_01]: The talk that we did have was a good talk, but you know, and he continued on. [SPEAKER_01]: He just said, look, he was like, I can counsel you.

[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, I just can't do this ceremony. [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, Oh, bro, whatever.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so I was just like, really. [SPEAKER_00]: The first marriage because when the past track grew up with [SPEAKER_00]: he found out that my helmet was muzzle when he said he can't he can't cancel or you know because we were in Charlotte and we had to drive the floor so that my brother my my late brother that passed away he found he gave me his pastor because we had to find somebody that was gonna marry somebody that was muzzle and that was the problem was happening

[SPEAKER_00]: you said let no where's your brother's name that you said late brother I don't what anybody who listening that knows us get confused what's it so yeah I don't want you to think it's my brother because everybody's right he is still got to be still with us yeah he's still with his you know [SPEAKER_00]: He's going to have a mom recovery from stroke, but my brother Ronald, my older sister. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: I just wanted to clarify that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I just wanted to clarify that because I've got everybody knows that. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_01]: People who are listening who know us from back home, I don't want anybody to think like, oh man, I want to tell them that would be probably in the papers. [SPEAKER_00]: Right. [SPEAKER_00]: Right. [SPEAKER_01]: And so. [SPEAKER_01]: But I just, I found that to be interesting because like, you know, [SPEAKER_01]: Like I said, that was something that could have been discussed.

[SPEAKER_01]: And even in your situation, they could have found that out before, hey, I mean, they all they had to do was look on the paper with his name on it because his name clearly wasn't an American name. [SPEAKER_00]: But he told me, I'll get that he wasn't going to do it. [SPEAKER_00]: So we knew we just had to find someone to marry as that was the guy. [SPEAKER_01]: Got you. [SPEAKER_01]: Got you. [SPEAKER_00]: And then the second marriage, it was, you know, I didn't have any problems.

[SPEAKER_00]: He, because he, he did ask a question during marriage accounts when he's like, [SPEAKER_00]: Well, why do you want to marry her? [SPEAKER_00]: And what he asked me to, I said, well, I know I'm sitting for one, because we do live together. [SPEAKER_00]: And then the answer he gave, he's like, I just, you know, because I love for that Sony, he just said, that's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: And that was good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: But that's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_01]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_01]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_01]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's good enough. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, here's the thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think, you know, I could go into, and it's probably a whole another podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, just to have people who are in the pool pit and they are very judgemental and they are religious when they want to be religious. [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not speaking out against religion because I'm a religious person, but at the same time, I think that's very contradictory, but that's a podcast for another day.

[SPEAKER_01]: The next question I had is like, [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think about now as far as the pressures that a lot of people have as far as getting married? [SPEAKER_01]: Because in what I mean by that is, you know, if you are with someone for if you're grown and you're with someone for a few years, let's just say three or four years, you know, you start coming around the family functions and everything and they know your image of boyfriend or they know her as your girlfriend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the family's like, hey, well, when are you guys getting married?

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that seems like a question that always pops up at the family functions, and then, you know, little pressures and stuff from your friends, and then also, you know, what you can see around you as far as social media and things at that nature. [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think about that, where how people deal with that? [SPEAKER_01]: Just from a, I guess, from a woman's perspective, the pressures of, you know, saying, I do, or pushing yourself down the aisle to say I do.

[SPEAKER_00]: For women, yeah, because that's what they're expected to do is to get married. [SPEAKER_00]: I would tell people from my experience to take your time. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't let no one rush you because I got engaged in college. [SPEAKER_00]: And I knew I wasn't ready for marriage because I was still in college. [SPEAKER_00]: She had graduated. [SPEAKER_00]: But thank God, we didn't get, we went our separate ways. [SPEAKER_00]: But it was always pressure right from my family, my mom.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, because she always, she liked my fiance when I was in college. [SPEAKER_00]: She really did love him the death, but um, I don't know. [SPEAKER_01]: And so this we all say in college is somebody that you did not marry. [SPEAKER_00]: I did not marry him. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: She said I probably should have.

[SPEAKER_00]: She, you know, she got her favorites, but, you know, for women, they're taught that, you know, you go to school or if you don't go to school, you get married and get them grandkids. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what everybody was looking at me to do. [SPEAKER_00]: My mom definitely wanted me to get married. [SPEAKER_00]: My dad wanted me to get married. [SPEAKER_00]: My mom wanted me to get married so she can quit paying my bills.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what I was in college or, you know, that first year out. [SPEAKER_00]: So she was happy I got married because soon as I got married, she cut me off from the pocketbook. [SPEAKER_00]: I would tell the young people, people that are looking to get me, just take your time. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't let the pressure, because I did feel pressure, like, could you get to a certain age?

[SPEAKER_00]: And you want to go ahead and get married, because the clock is ticking on if you're going to be able to get pregnant or not. [SPEAKER_00]: Right, right. [SPEAKER_00]: So that's why a lot of women just rush to get married or settle, because I literally had to talk myself down the other second, go around. [SPEAKER_00]: literally five minutes before I walk down the aisle. [SPEAKER_00]: Am I going to be able to do this again?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I really had to have a talk for myself before I went down the aisle. [SPEAKER_00]: And I just told, I told my mom that the other day, I said, I had to talk myself into going down that aisle with the second girl. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I guess maybe, I mean, like, I don't want to say, because I don't want to speak for y'all. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to say cold feet, but I was almost running away bright. [SPEAKER_00]: Trust me on the second.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I was like, uh, everybody here. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, you were. [SPEAKER_01]: Don't sit in, say, the user running with you. [SPEAKER_01]: I think it leads from the conversation that we had because I didn't fool the school. [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't, I wasn't, I wasn't at the second wedding. [SPEAKER_01]: I was in, uh, doing the world.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's right. [SPEAKER_00]: But, um, no, really, I was conflicted. [SPEAKER_00]: It was like minutes before the, I was by myself, you know, everybody went out to the suite. [SPEAKER_00]: Um, and I really had to talk myself, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Am I going to, could, [SPEAKER_00]: For disclosure, we had been together like eight years prior to getting married. [SPEAKER_00]: We have been together for a long time. [SPEAKER_00]: where they're red flags, of course.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I was saying, like, I had to talk myself, because you get nervous right before, what I, I was saying to him get nervous right before I go down the aisle. [SPEAKER_01]: I don't get nervous. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. [SPEAKER_00]: When I was getting my hair done, the first girl around, I just started crying. [SPEAKER_00]: In the stylist, she's like, it's gonna be okay. [SPEAKER_00]: She said, you're nervous. [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, yeah, well, that's my first time.

[SPEAKER_00]: Second time I went nervous, second time. [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, am I gonna really go down the aisle a second time?

[SPEAKER_01]: I have a theory on nervousness and I always say this like I would get nervous about things that I can't control things that I can't control I don't I don't believe in getting nervous because like you know the outcome like so when you when you're getting married you know that well you know that you're going to get married you know you ain't going to get up there and and you know they say they say no I don't want to get married I'm not going to do that but that before I went out there

[SPEAKER_01]: I can understand how somebody could have apprehensions. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I did. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I mean, you know something up in the back story. [SPEAKER_00]: So you know I had a reason to have to have those second thoughts. [SPEAKER_00]: But right, probably shoot them with on my good. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I went down the aisle because I did love him. [SPEAKER_00]: And I was just like for better or worse, but exactly. [SPEAKER_00]: It's always more pressure for them.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's pressure for the men too. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it is. [SPEAKER_00]: In a situation when you've been with somebody for eight years in the head and proposed yet. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like, here's the thing, and I'll say about that. [SPEAKER_01]: There is pressure on guys too because, you know, the guy is the one who's going to make the proposal in most cases.

[SPEAKER_01]: So when you're coming at that family function, when you're going to, you know, to cook out in a summertime and your girlfriend's around, yeah, you're uncle is going to ask [SPEAKER_01]: Bro, why you ain't married her yet? [SPEAKER_01]: Why you ain't, why you ain't, why you ain't gonna have no kids? [SPEAKER_01]: You know, then your parents start saying, hey, I'm getting up there. [SPEAKER_01]: I would like some grandkids and so like that becomes, it becomes a failure.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like with the second one, that was the main thing when I was like, when are y'all gonna get mad? [SPEAKER_00]: One person thought we were already married. [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I mean, you know, eight years, that's a good time. [SPEAKER_01]: So let me ask you this. [SPEAKER_01]: No, go ahead, go ahead and finish that thought. [SPEAKER_00]: No, no, that was it. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: Um, what are the things I think people should do?

[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, they should know when it's time to get married. [SPEAKER_01]: Um, things that excuse me, things that they should know before they get married is themselves. [SPEAKER_01]: How important do you think it is to know yourself before you get married?

[SPEAKER_00]: It's very important because you, you get right going to a union with someone. [SPEAKER_00]: You guys are going to live together. [SPEAKER_00]: I think you need this. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean to me, I know it's probably right, but I think you should live with the person before you get married. [SPEAKER_00]: So you know what you get into. [SPEAKER_00]: So, that is very important because you got to know yourself and you got to know that other person.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because I don't see how people get married and never live together. [SPEAKER_00]: It's not Christian light to be shacking up. [SPEAKER_00]: And I am a Christian and I do believe in it. [SPEAKER_00]: But you got to know yourself and you have to definitely know that person. [SPEAKER_00]: Because when you first date in somebody, when you first meet somebody, it's a show. [SPEAKER_00]: You're not your real self. [SPEAKER_00]: You're acting on it.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're acting in an actress and then after a couple, you know, wow, being that far. [SPEAKER_01]: Hold on a whole time. [SPEAKER_01]: I got to stop you there. [SPEAKER_01]: So what is the act? [SPEAKER_01]: You don't think that people genuinely know who they are when it [SPEAKER_00]: You are trying to be on your best first date. [SPEAKER_00]: You are not your true self. [SPEAKER_00]: But some people are, but then you're still acting, make sure you proper you do it.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're acting until you get the job. [SPEAKER_00]: No, honeymoon phase of dating. [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I call it. [SPEAKER_01]: You acting until you get the drugs and everything. [SPEAKER_01]: Not the drugs. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, once you get the panties, I mean, I don't think I disagree with that. [SPEAKER_01]: I think. [SPEAKER_01]: by the time you've had, I think, yeah, you're right.

[SPEAKER_01]: To your point, people can put on a front for, you know, a couple of months or whatever. [SPEAKER_01]: But by the time you get it like six months, anybody playing them all together? [SPEAKER_00]: No, nobody play. [SPEAKER_00]: I said, you're that's what I'm saying. [SPEAKER_00]: You're not to true self on your first or second date. [SPEAKER_00]: I agree with that.

[SPEAKER_00]: But that's what you get to really, once they take that wall down on it or take that veil down with everyone to call it. [SPEAKER_00]: then you know who you're dealing with. [SPEAKER_00]: Because the first two three days or that first month, they're gonna be on a best behavior or like you say when they get the draws. [SPEAKER_00]: Then they flip on you. [SPEAKER_00]: Are you just seeing who they truly are?

[SPEAKER_00]: So no, to me, no one is their true self when you first meet someone on the first day. [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, right. [SPEAKER_01]: You talked a little bit earlier about waiting. [SPEAKER_01]: So I want to kind of go back to that. [SPEAKER_01]: I think one of the things people should know that it is important to know when to get married. [SPEAKER_01]: There's no exact science. [SPEAKER_01]: I know people who've been together for a long time and they have very short engagements.

[SPEAKER_01]: Um, you know, like, in my situation, we dated for, I don't know, four or four years, I guess. [SPEAKER_01]: But we literally grew, because we met in college, we literally almost kind of like grew up together. [SPEAKER_01]: At least our young adulthood part of our lives. [SPEAKER_01]: Um, so there was no pressure to, you know, walk down the aisle because we had had that so much time together.

[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but why do you think it's important to [SPEAKER_01]: You know, kind of go on your own time when it comes to to walking down the aisle.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think if you pressure someone into it, it's not going to last. [SPEAKER_00]: I think the person, the guy, because he's normally the one that's going to propose, he knows the first time when he meets you if he's going to marry you or not. [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I've heard a lot of people say, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Or did it take time? [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, even for he [SPEAKER_00]: Even for the, now the first one, we got, we dated six months and got engaged.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that was short. [SPEAKER_00]: Six months. [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know. [SPEAKER_00]: I know. [SPEAKER_00]: But it was a year out for the wedding. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we were engaged and it was like a year out for the wedding. [SPEAKER_00]: The second one, like I said, we dated eight, nine years and finally get married. [SPEAKER_00]: So we were beyond taking our time.

[SPEAKER_00]: When I really wanted to take my time, but then I was at the point like, [SPEAKER_00]: Every time he do something special, I'm thinking he did rap or pose. [SPEAKER_00]: And he's not. [SPEAKER_00]: I never get like, it was one Christmas when his whole friend, it was Christmas. [SPEAKER_00]: His whole family was there. [SPEAKER_00]: And he told me to come outside to the backyard. [SPEAKER_00]: I looked behind me.

[SPEAKER_00]: His mom on all of them in the window, because they're thinking that he would get rap or pose. [SPEAKER_00]: He said, I got your gift on here, so I'm like, oh, he's about. [SPEAKER_00]: I had tears coming down my eye, because I said, this is it. [SPEAKER_00]: He literally opened his mind, Jeep, and had a desk in there. [SPEAKER_00]: He said, he started everybody looking, and he saw my face. [SPEAKER_00]: He was trying to rush and get through that trick, because it went with him.

[SPEAKER_00]: And he told him to be like, dare by trying to run away from the window when they saw that he's seen. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's all everybody else. [SPEAKER_01]: That's not all him. [SPEAKER_01]: That he is for. [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I remember I living with my uncle house. [SPEAKER_00]: He started laughing at me when I told him to swing. [SPEAKER_00]: That is for. [SPEAKER_00]: With your feelings, he said, you and your feelings. [SPEAKER_00]: I said, I am.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is when I laugh later about it. [SPEAKER_00]: He knew I was mad. [SPEAKER_01]: Again, but that's expectations there. [SPEAKER_01]: To me, I don't think that's on him. [SPEAKER_01]: That's on everybody else with those expectations. [SPEAKER_00]: But that's after five years of dating. [SPEAKER_01]: But again, you have to. [SPEAKER_00]: I just had an expectation at that point.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is what it was about to be because the way you set me up to go out in that backyard and you don't work like that. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's modern. [SPEAKER_00]: He's my new, but um, because she knew he had put the desk on a trip, but she did say anything to anybody. [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. [SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, oh, this is so embarrassing.

[SPEAKER_01]: So by next question, um, once people get married, a lot of times, uh, in laws become involved, or not just in laws, but family to get very involved. [SPEAKER_01]: Um, [SPEAKER_01]: How, what do you think about the role that in laws and family members play in your marriage? [SPEAKER_01]: Because if you allow them to, they will. [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I didn't really have that problem. [SPEAKER_00]: Me and his mom and dad had a great relationship.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, just in general, just in general, just in general. [SPEAKER_00]: But in I was kind of in the fear and I've seen where it's been devastating where they're like, literally in like the, because that to me, [SPEAKER_00]: If you're going back to your mind, what's going on in your marriage, you put them in the marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: And so, and that's normally how they get involved.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so, and that's one thing I do remember in my marriage and, you know, at the wedding where the pastor was like, don't put anybody in your marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't put your mom in your daddy. [SPEAKER_00]: You're supposed to see a brother not like that. [SPEAKER_00]: You're in-laws because they can destroy your marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: And they can.

[SPEAKER_00]: because they're gonna tell you the wrong thing and then you gonna go back and relay it back to your husband or your spouse and y'all gonna just be arguing. [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's very important to keep family out of your relationship as much as possible. [SPEAKER_01]: I've seen it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've seen it destroy marriages and at the thing I tell people all the time like, I don't care how close you can be to your in-laws or your brother-in-law, your sister-in-law, whomever at the end of the day, [SPEAKER_01]: they are related to your spouse. [SPEAKER_01]: So they're gonna side with them no matter what. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, full disclosure like, might mean my end laws are super cool. [SPEAKER_01]: Love them the life in the time that we've been together.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think we've only had maybe one conversation about our marriage and that's it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it was, it was an unsolicited conversation because I was asked the question and I said, I'm not answering that because [SPEAKER_01]: whatever we got is right here and vice versa I didn't never went to my parents to say hey she did this or I feel like this or no I just I keep it simple because like he did the first the first husband did he call my mom complaining about yeah you can't get stuff like that she actually called me it was like what are you

[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, you weren't cooking? [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I was cooking, but I had a job too. [SPEAKER_00]: Just like, you know, I was running on star. [SPEAKER_00]: Can you cook? [SPEAKER_00]: Huh? [SPEAKER_00]: Can you cook? [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I can cook. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm known for cooking crazy. [SPEAKER_00]: I was just asking. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I was cooking. [SPEAKER_00]: He was like, I guess, you know, he was a finicky eater, because I couldn't cook.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it was only so much I could cook for him because he, he don't eat pork. [SPEAKER_00]: He didn't eat this. [SPEAKER_00]: He don't eat it. [SPEAKER_00]: So I had to start cooking the same thing and that's when he called and told her. [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, why are you calling me mommy? [SPEAKER_00]: Well, you got to make sure you cut when you get on me. [SPEAKER_01]: That's something that you're going to talk about before you get married.

[SPEAKER_00]: I said, if he hungry or cook, because I said, I'm tired when I come out of work. [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, hello. [SPEAKER_01]: And now I will say this much. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like, that's the type of stuff that you, I think you have to have conversations. [SPEAKER_01]: Many multiple conversations about what the expectations are because, yeah, you're going to work. [SPEAKER_01]: And he's going to work.

[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, at some point, if kids are involved, the kids are going to, the kids are always going to come first. [SPEAKER_00]: Correct. [SPEAKER_01]: So you got to make sure that you're not, you know, neglecting each other for the kids and vice versa. [SPEAKER_01]: One of the things that I think the people need to know before getting married is that bad behavior becomes worse.

[SPEAKER_01]: So if it was, if your behavior was bad before you got married, it's only going to get worse once they get married. [SPEAKER_01]: What I mean by bad behavior, that could be anything from [SPEAKER_01]: drug and alcohol abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, all of the above, laziness, you know, maybe how you fuss and fight not physically, but you get my point.

[SPEAKER_01]: All of that stuff is bad, habits and bad traits and that stuff does not.

[SPEAKER_01]: transfer what's you get married it just only gets enhanced because now you are officially together so what do you think about that bad behavior and how that goes with a marriage when you when you get that true because I knew like I had to work on something because he was saying that you're not at work when you come home and that I'd be trying to manage him because I was an ops manager [SPEAKER_00]: And for us, I'm always in management, whatever I'm doing.

[SPEAKER_00]: But he like, I will boss him. [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I was he was one of my employees. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the ability to tell my mom and she tried it like, Marie, you can't boss that man. [SPEAKER_00]: Let him be the man of the house. [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not gonna say what I said. [SPEAKER_00]: When that paycheck and can add up to what I got, I was making more way more than him. [SPEAKER_01]: Does that matter? [SPEAKER_00]: No, it doesn't matter.

[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, but she's like that. [SPEAKER_01]: It had to mean something because you just said it. [SPEAKER_00]: I was young back being when I said it. [SPEAKER_00]: I was a man with these. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: That's I just remember that conversation. [SPEAKER_00]: I said when when his paycheck, imagine what I'm doing then he might have a say. [SPEAKER_00]: That would just mean being me. [SPEAKER_00]: Famous.

[SPEAKER_00]: Of course. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm all, you know, with the second marriage, of course, I made more than that person. [SPEAKER_00]: But it never mattered to me because I'm married him. [SPEAKER_01]: Right. [SPEAKER_00]: It's all going to tell me. [SPEAKER_00]: It's never mattered, but he just felt like, which, but time to second manage, I wouldn't be as bossy. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I was letting him be a man.

[SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't letting him be a man, but [SPEAKER_00]: I, that was something I knew I had to work on because I do have that, you know, a tight personality. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm not on policy. [SPEAKER_00]: So I had to ease back and I learned from my mistakes, but yeah, got it. [SPEAKER_01]: Man, and I think, I think that's a great segue. [SPEAKER_01]: Money. [SPEAKER_01]: Money obviously plays a huge part.

[SPEAKER_01]: The thing that people don't understand is that when you're married, you're in a business together. [SPEAKER_01]: You are business partners. [SPEAKER_01]: regardless of even if I have my own account and you have your own account and we even if we don't pay each other's bills, we don't pay any household bills or whatever the case, maybe we are still in business together. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, exactly. [SPEAKER_00]: The second marriage, we weren't a team at all.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that money [SPEAKER_01]: Money comes in the play. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, because sometimes you'll have a lot of money. [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes you might not have as much money. [SPEAKER_01]: And it's really on how you adjust. [SPEAKER_01]: So one of the things that I think people need to know is you need to know how to manage money. [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think about conversations about money and how those should go about before you get married?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think you need to sit down with your significant other before you get married and go over all your finances, and it's in an account, our bank accounts. [SPEAKER_00]: I think you should. [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, women, all bank accounts. [SPEAKER_00]: Well, no, I don't say, you know, I can't want to see for myself, but see you by the light on this podcast. [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't about to laugh. [SPEAKER_00]: Everybody, I have that on account. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, both men.

[SPEAKER_01]: You don't know, here's the difference. [SPEAKER_01]: You said a secret account. [SPEAKER_01]: You didn't say, no, I have separate account. [SPEAKER_01]: We have separate account. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, say, secret, maybe separate. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, because I got a little walk around, buddy. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's why I mean, my little personal, like when I was a kid, I was going to go to the mall. [SPEAKER_00]: I got my hair done, buddy.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I still think they got a, you got to realize you were a teen. [SPEAKER_00]: And normally, you're going to acquire whatever bills that each other have. [SPEAKER_00]: And what they're not definitely saying you got to sit down and talk like, well, are you going to help pay for this? [SPEAKER_00]: I think you just need to have a plan. [SPEAKER_00]: The first man as we did, we sat down and went over all our finances and we really didn't argue about money.

[SPEAKER_00]: The second man as we argue about money because we were not on the same page. [SPEAKER_00]: And I could not, we could not get on the same page to save our lives. [SPEAKER_00]: Even though I was trying to get us on the same page or he was, but [SPEAKER_00]: It just, it wasn't, he didn't think of us as a team and that was the, and I kept trying to tell him, right, we supposed to be a team.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so, so we could get a house, we're gonna have to be a team, you know, we can't just wanna do our own thing, like if you didn't have a car payment, and I had a car payment, you need to, cause that means I'm paying more bills than you're paying, cause I'm paying rent, mortgage, mortgage or car payment and all of that. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. [SPEAKER_00]: I just feel like we need to pay everything together.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: So, so am I supposed to pay your car bill?

[SPEAKER_00]: If I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have it, if I don't have

[SPEAKER_01]: Hold up. [SPEAKER_01]: Hold up. [SPEAKER_01]: Time out, Marie. [SPEAKER_01]: No, it is no reason for you to be struggling because he is the thing. [SPEAKER_01]: If you were paying a car, no, let's just say to me, I'll pay you for him. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so that's the point.

[SPEAKER_00]: He didn't have a car, no. [SPEAKER_01]: That's an even big so so here's the thing if you have if if you had a and and we're not going to talk about you I'm just going to give you in general I'm in general if a woman is paying her car note for two years and We and I get with her and I don't have a car note why should I be expecting to pay her car note just because we're not no not just pay it by yourself [SPEAKER_00]: pay it together.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we're trying to get a house and one of the things on there is the card note is so I don't understand that. [SPEAKER_00]: All right, the case. [SPEAKER_01]: Why are we paying it together? [SPEAKER_01]: You've been paying it all this time. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I'm still going to have to pay it all. [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly. [SPEAKER_00]: That was the problem of getting the house with the card note. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, here's the thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, and I would never, I would always advise people, you know, too. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying he had been paying it myself. [SPEAKER_00]: It's whole time. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_00]: But we were together. [SPEAKER_00]: It's stuff like he really didn't have no bills. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, again, I'm not talking about him. [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what it's like. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I had a lot of, you know, I had students.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so then you, so if you come into the situation with more debt than him, it's not, that's almost like if I come into a relationship with a child, I should not expect my wife to pay my child support. [SPEAKER_01]: That's my child. [SPEAKER_01]: I got to pay the child support. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so this is the same thing. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna just say that because that was an issue, it, you know, with him that I didn't want to pay. [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm kidding, general. [SPEAKER_00]: I've had a lot of people say, well, they all asked me like, well, should I help him pay his child support? [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I haven't had a lot of girlfriends asking me that. [SPEAKER_00]: I said, well, you know, if you were about, well, I did say no, and it's something I said like, well, if you're doing the bills together, that's gonna help out where you're not gonna be arguing all the time. [SPEAKER_00]: But I mean, for me, I didn't care.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was like, we weren't married when he was asking me to do stuff for the for the child. [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I'm not married to you. [SPEAKER_00]: Why would I buy two clothes? [SPEAKER_01]: Right. [SPEAKER_01]: Right. [SPEAKER_01]: Now I agree with that. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: He got upset about that literally upset. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm buying clothes for my niece. [SPEAKER_00]: And you can go back to those for your, your child.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like, [SPEAKER_01]: Taking care of kids, I mean, kids, kids are beautiful first and foremost. [SPEAKER_01]: If you want to do that, that's cool, but I don't think that that should be an expectation. [SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, somebody child support. [SPEAKER_01]: If you bring a child, if I'm in a relationship, I mean, I bring a child into this relationship and we're wearing a relationship together. [SPEAKER_01]: And it's not our child.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, I'm not going to expect you to pit now. [SPEAKER_01]: It'd be different if I got behind on child support and they're threatening to lock me up. [SPEAKER_01]: And those are conversations that I think you have to have as far as, like you said, you got, and it's got to be multiple conversations about how we're going to manage the debt and then how we're going to plan for our financial future.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think [SPEAKER_01]: That's where myself included, a lot of people slipped up at, particularly early in marriage, where you're not talking about your financial future.

[SPEAKER_01]: If I, if let's just say, you get a bonus at work and your bonus is ten grand and you want to take ten grand and go to Cancun, you know, you could take that ten grand and stack that and put it in, you know, you could put it over here for a rainy day.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because the thing always say about finances and money, [SPEAKER_01]: You should prepare for rainy day because one day it's going to rain one day is just going to be severe thunderstorms and then one day it's going to be a full category five hurricane and you got to be able to, you know, maintain. [SPEAKER_01]: So I want to go back to something that I didn't mention earlier. [SPEAKER_01]: engagements obviously, you know, guys propose or sometimes women propose, which is different.

[SPEAKER_01]: But when it comes to spending money on a wedding, not to count anybody's pockets, but do you think that there should be a max or basically some type of limitation on what's in which it's been for a wedding? [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, let's see the first wedding, of course, my mom went out. [SPEAKER_00]: I had her purse dream. [SPEAKER_00]: So I didn't have to wear my pants for anything. [SPEAKER_00]: The second marriage, she said, you own your own.

[SPEAKER_00]: And he did give me a budget. [SPEAKER_00]: And I stayed within that budget. [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: The first wedding with over, you know, that was early in the early two thousand. [SPEAKER_00]: So that was like twenty three thousand dollars that we spent on a birthday. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you can come to the reset. [SPEAKER_00]: I can't. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because I couldn't make it to the wedding.

[SPEAKER_00]: I know the whole race. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_01]: Listen. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if it was a sign. [SPEAKER_00]: That why I said it myself. [SPEAKER_00]: But I was surprised. [SPEAKER_00]: Because you know, we will have outside wedding. [SPEAKER_00]: We end up having it in the main. [SPEAKER_01]: And I told you, I didn't think that that was a good idea to have outside wedding in July. [SPEAKER_00]: It's because the whole church thing with him.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I get it now, but okay, so for those of you listening, Marie had her first marriage. [SPEAKER_01]: She had a wedding outside. [SPEAKER_01]: And literally, like maybe an hour or so before the wedding's about to start, it comes down, I mean, like when I tell you, it was coming, the rain was coming down so hard. [SPEAKER_01]: Like I literally, I was driving in my car. [SPEAKER_01]: I could not see beyond the hood. [SPEAKER_01]: That's how far, that's how bad it was coming down.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like everybody was pulled off to the side of the road with the flashing houses on. [SPEAKER_01]: I was just like, I told her she was, I was like, look, we might go off the road trying to get to this way. [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, let's just turn it around and go to the reception spot. [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, we can't make it, they end up going to the reception.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, everybody can't, yeah, because we, we were like, no, I didn't, because we thought like my thought process was they're probably going [SPEAKER_01]: They're probably going to bring him the wedding here and have it here because we had out that was. [SPEAKER_00]: It worked out because we was in Hart'sville at the I can't think of it. [SPEAKER_00]: It was like some gardener, something like that. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it was the garden. [SPEAKER_00]: But it had a mansion.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was like an old plantation. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_00]: See that I got married. [SPEAKER_00]: And so, and they didn't have the air going because it was going to be our side. [SPEAKER_00]: So, in the letter pictures, you could see the sweat on like all the guys for it. [SPEAKER_00]: And it was so hot in there. [SPEAKER_00]: But we ended up working because it started raining right when the weather went to start.

[SPEAKER_00]: But we didn't want to go outside and get our dresses. [SPEAKER_00]: I was trying. [SPEAKER_00]: My cousin was like, please quit crying. [SPEAKER_00]: We keep doing, we're doing your makeup. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, you know, I mean, you couldn't help it because like you're, [SPEAKER_01]: you're getting ready for the, you know, one of the biggest days of your lives. [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, it's, it's pouring down rain like that. [SPEAKER_00]: And this is your marriage.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was able to have the church wedding on one of the half, but I was on a budget and that wedding, I can't believe it was my eighth hour friend. [SPEAKER_00]: It looked like the twenty something thousand dollar wedding, but it was eight there. [SPEAKER_01]: I just, it looked nice on YouTube. [SPEAKER_01]: It looked nice on YouTube. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry, Facebook. [SPEAKER_00]: It was really nice. [SPEAKER_00]: And I was able to do it for eight thousand.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how much we spend. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I didn't spend anything, but, um, and we got married in two thousand. [SPEAKER_01]: So I can't, I don't know what that means. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what that means. [SPEAKER_01]: Did you come to my wedding? [SPEAKER_00]: Don't blame me. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't blame me about your wedding. [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean? [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I've had a hat on.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah, you had that big, uh, yeah, the big head. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm like, Miss Graham and my mom. [SPEAKER_01]: Like a son, braver or something, right? [SPEAKER_00]: He wouldn't have done some braver. [SPEAKER_00]: You drive me funny.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so let me let me get back to the pocket. [SPEAKER_01]: Um, so, yeah, so I, I, I, I, I answered the question, I think, um, I think the idea of spinning and absorbing amount of money is kind of wild, but I mean, I don't want to count anybody's pockets, but I think like, [SPEAKER_01]: Like you just mentioned as far as like the debt of a car note, I think that debt can affect whether or not you buy your dream house or the house that you want to buy.

[SPEAKER_01]: Same goes for a wedding, you know, the money that you put into a wedding. [SPEAKER_00]: And again, I'm not trying to count anybody's pockets of telling anybody what they changed them because we spend in like a hundred and two hundred a million dollars. [SPEAKER_01]: If you can afford it, that's cool. [SPEAKER_00]: But I don't know. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, like, afterwards. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I would take the twenty thousand and go do something else or whatever.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, I think those are some things that people need to know before they get married. [SPEAKER_01]: I got one more question. [SPEAKER_01]: We'll wrap up with this. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: And this is more so after you get married. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm pretty sure you've heard the term happy wife, happy life. [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think about that? [SPEAKER_01]: Because I don't think I've ever asked you that question.

[SPEAKER_00]: I believe if you're, of course, it's happy, why it's happy life, because you want to make sure, well, both of you guys need to be happy. [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't think it should just be happy wife happy life. [SPEAKER_00]: Your husband need to be happy too because that, you know, because I always say she just can't be happy.

[SPEAKER_00]: Both of you guys are going to be happy or it's not going to work because if I'm miserable, then you're going to be miserable. [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to make you miserable if I'm just a bullseye. [SPEAKER_00]: The misery love company. [SPEAKER_01]: facts. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: I agree.

[SPEAKER_01]: I always say like, you know, we control our own happiness, you know, your spouse or your girlfriend or your fiance, whoever they assist in your happiness. [SPEAKER_01]: Because you could be dealing with someone who isn't happy with what they see when they look in the mirror. [SPEAKER_01]: So there's nothing you can do if that's the case. [SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, I agree.

[SPEAKER_01]: I always kind of shutters, excuse me, when I hear that, because it's like, I think it's, I think it's silly.

[SPEAKER_01]: So before we get out of here, I got one more question. [SPEAKER_01]: From a biblical sense, we hear, we've heard about it from time to time, the idea of a couple being quote unquote equally yoke. [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think about that?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, now I wasn't equally young my first man is because I'm Christian and he was Muslim and it was it was sort of hard because like I would go to church and he wouldn't go he couldn't go to church with me or he'll be praying on his rug [SPEAKER_00]: Um, he's a lad in rug. [SPEAKER_00]: He was like one of them. [SPEAKER_00]: He was Muslim. [SPEAKER_00]: Like, if you ask him, he wouldn't say he was African. [SPEAKER_00]: He would just say his nationality is muscle.

[SPEAKER_01]: Why did the man was on the rug? [SPEAKER_00]: He wasn't, they prey on the rug. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm sure the rug has a rug. [SPEAKER_01]: The way you said it, just made it sound like he just grabbed some little fight on the rug from Walmart. [SPEAKER_00]: No, I mean, it's their prayer. [SPEAKER_00]: It was a nice little, I used to call it a lad. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, go ahead, I'm sorry.

[SPEAKER_00]: And he didn't pray as much as he was supposed to pray anywhere till his mom came to visit. [SPEAKER_00]: And then he praying seven times a day. [SPEAKER_00]: And she and me dressed up like I was from the motherland when she was a year. [SPEAKER_00]: I do believe in that you need to be equally young because it will cause problems. [SPEAKER_00]: I, you know, way back then someone had to do an interview about that too.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I talked about it several years ago about being on equally young and the problem you you're a Christian and he's a Muslim. [SPEAKER_00]: and it just causes problems in the marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: So I do believe you need to be equally, you know, this is fine. [SPEAKER_00]: I don't firmly believe in it because I went through it. [SPEAKER_00]: You, I'm Christian.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I mean, but he, but like, okay, he literally sat in a car for someone's my friend for signing his wedding. [SPEAKER_00]: He sat in the car for signing if it's wedding. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, but here's, here's the thing. [SPEAKER_01]: Here's what I'll say.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think that's the thing because like, [SPEAKER_01]: That means like you've got to you got to be very very similar and like as one and I don't think that you can be as one until you get married and I don't think like your person that I was thought I'd be yeah, well, I equal yo. [SPEAKER_00]: To me, that's what it was defined as. [SPEAKER_00]: You're not in the same religion. [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's what an equally yolk is. [SPEAKER_00]: That's that is basically what it was.

[SPEAKER_00]: You wouldn't marry us. [SPEAKER_00]: He wouldn't marry because he said we're unequally yolk. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but then there are people who who are Christians who are unequally. [SPEAKER_01]: By that definition, unequally yolk. [SPEAKER_01]: because they may, you know, because they go to church, is that make them, well, I mean, that's the whole little story. [SPEAKER_00]: So, but anyway, right, get into it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Unequally, you know, is about different religions and different ideas. [SPEAKER_01]: I just think like, you know, people, people of people, and I think we, we can kind of complicate things, probably more than we probably should. [SPEAKER_01]: But like I said, I think you have to marriage is something that obviously takes a lot of work, takes a lot of patience, takes a lot of love, [SPEAKER_01]: But it's constant.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's constant work is work when you don't even think you work. [SPEAKER_01]: When you're asleep, you're still working towards your marriage. [SPEAKER_01]: That being said, I think you got to be on the same page as for what you want. [SPEAKER_01]: can change because sometimes, you know, you may wake up and say, hey, I'm thirty five years old and I want to be a rapper. [SPEAKER_01]: I want to leave, I want to quit my job at the plant and I want to become the wing tip rapper.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's different things to happen. [SPEAKER_01]: But I'll say this. [SPEAKER_01]: I think, you know, [SPEAKER_01]: I get what you're saying as far as religion is concerned. [SPEAKER_01]: I just think like sometimes people beat people over the heads about it and I think that's a little bit unfair because you're asking two people who come from vastly different backgrounds, who come together in this union and they're trying to make it work.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you're saying you have to be almost damn near perfect. [SPEAKER_01]: And that's not with imperfect people. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm, it was great as I am. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not perfect. [SPEAKER_01]: I know you think you are. [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think that I am. [SPEAKER_01]: I know I'm not perfect. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm right, ninety seven percent of the time. [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm wrong three percent of the time. [SPEAKER_01]: On that note.

[SPEAKER_01]: Listen, this has been a pleasure. [SPEAKER_01]: It's been a long time coming. [SPEAKER_01]: Maria, I know your podcast is on hiatus, but before you get out of here, tell folks where they can find you where they can find your podcast. [SPEAKER_00]: You can find my podcast on I heart radio. [SPEAKER_00]: When it comes back, it will be on YouTube and Facebook Live. [SPEAKER_00]: And I normally upload it to God. [SPEAKER_00]: I can't think of that. [SPEAKER_00]: What's the green?

[SPEAKER_00]: Spotify. [SPEAKER_00]: Spotify. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's normal. [SPEAKER_00]: I can think of Spotify for that. [SPEAKER_00]: I uploaded to Spotify on the next day. [SPEAKER_00]: So hopefully we're coming back in July. [SPEAKER_00]: And it's going to be words between the sheet. [SPEAKER_00]: It is adult content. [SPEAKER_01]: Now when you say adult content, what y'all talking about? [SPEAKER_00]: And we talk about sense relationship, the culture and things.

[SPEAKER_01]: But we could talk about sex and marriage on this podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: But we did. [SPEAKER_01]: But sex is a part of my own folks. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's, that's, yeah, to stay married. [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you better. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you better. [SPEAKER_00]: That's a big part of America. [SPEAKER_00]: Six. [SPEAKER_00]: Six. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, listen. [SPEAKER_01]: Like I told you before, you have an open invitation.

[SPEAKER_01]: Um, mean you go back like fat crayons and car seats. [SPEAKER_01]: Um, we literally go back to high school. [SPEAKER_01]: So, um, you know, I don't know, you know, when it next time you come to Atlanta. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, fourth and July.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not gonna hold my breath, but I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't mean that. [SPEAKER_01]: Stop it. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, like I said, you're more than welcome to come back any time. [SPEAKER_01]: You have a very interesting podcast as you guys can tell. [SPEAKER_01]: We we we kid all the time. [SPEAKER_01]: This is this is just this is us twenty four cents. [SPEAKER_01]: Well, yeah, definitely want to thank you guys for coming through. [SPEAKER_01]: This is going to do for us for those of you watching on YouTube.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for watching. [SPEAKER_01]: Remember, the twelve Kyle Pike has drops every Thursday and every Sunday at midnight. [SPEAKER_01]: You can follow us and find us on all streaming platforms and include, including the green one Spotify. [SPEAKER_01]: We're also on YouTube as well. [SPEAKER_01]: You can follow me on social media, twelve Kyle, twelve Kyle, podcast across the board. [SPEAKER_01]: We also have a new baby. [SPEAKER_01]: The new baby is called the rap soul podcast.

[SPEAKER_01]: The rap soul podcast drops every Monday and every Friday at midnight from time to time. [SPEAKER_01]: We dropped bonus episodes, but mostly it's Mondays and Fridays. [SPEAKER_01]: The rap soul podcast is the best music podcast that you've never heard. [SPEAKER_01]: Now, but tell you why, because we talk about hip hop, rap soul R&B from the eighties, the nineties, and the two thousand. [SPEAKER_01]: So you definitely need to check it out.

[SPEAKER_01]: So also on YouTube as well. [SPEAKER_01]: And lastly, if you want to contribute to this podcast financially, hit us up on cash app, dollar sign, TW, V-E-K-Y-L-E. [SPEAKER_01]: Also, we have merch. [SPEAKER_01]: Get yourself a just looking in the description box and click the merch link. [SPEAKER_01]: Get yourself some twelve Kyle podcasts gear. [SPEAKER_01]: We have t-shirts, hoodies as well as coffee mugs. [SPEAKER_01]: Marie, you need to get yourself one.

[SPEAKER_01]: My twelve Kyle podcast, coffee mug. [SPEAKER_00]: You can give me a walk on my birthday. [SPEAKER_00]: For that sweatshirt you never got my money on that note. [SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna check up out here. [SPEAKER_01]: I am your boy twelve Kyle. [SPEAKER_01]: We'll catch you guys next time. [SPEAKER_01]: Five thousand.