Richard Tom Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is PICK TWO Display, Poem, Background music, 158, Rockfall RICHARD — Loser — I sighed inwardly when the lad walked in, another no-hoper, without prospects. “Well boy, I understand Miss Jones has thrown you out of art class again. What do you say for yourself?” “Sorry sir” the boy sniffed, then used his sleeve to wipe the snot from his nose, “I just don’t like art… or sport.” I rubbed my eyes wearily. “So, what do you like?” “Compute...
Jul 20, 2025•10 min
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate. But the captain… now they weren’t good at all. Every year, the captain sent out an anonymous survey. The responses were dismal. “I feel like my contributions are valued.” Negative. “I feel like I have opportunities for career growth.” Negative. “I feel like my work has meaning.” Extremely negative. The captain fumed, threatening to make everyone walk the plank. “Then who will hold the plank?” asked George. George was the first forced to walk...
Jul 19, 2025•2 min
George was a pirate, but he was in a very good pirate. If you asked him about that, I’d say don’t give a shit. Even though people constantly gave him shit over it, he never gave them shit back. Some would say that he couldn’t give two shits what you thought. But it wasn’t that he would give two shits, because he never gave one. One shit, two shits, it didn’t matter. George didn’t give a shit about not being a very good pirate, and that’s all that mattered. To tell you the truth, I don’t give a s...
Jul 18, 2025•1 min
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate. Instead of taking hostages and ransoming them off, he usually ended up befriending his captives and traveling the world with them. One was a young man from the French Navy who didn’t speak French very well. He was whittling small sculptures out of wood and soapstone. “These are pretty good,” said George. “Mind making one of me?” So, he did, that’s how George wound up with an early Paul Gaugin sculpture. It’s in a museum now. Well, in their w...
Jul 17, 2025•1 min
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate. He lost his crew, he lost his ship, and he even lost his hat. His reputation kept him from getting hired by other pirates for their ships. He was reduced to stealing packages off of people’s porches. But George wasn’t a very good porch pirate either. His first heist was a trap, and the glitterbomb exploded in his face. “Welcome, Glitterbeard!” shouted everyone at the pub, laughing. The next heist was a delivery from Ikea. Miraculously, it wa...
Jul 16, 2025•2 min
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate. When pirates tell each other secrets, they get really fancy with their expressions. Like sinking something down in Davy Jones’ Locker. Or the best way for three men to keep a secret is to kill two of them. George liked to say “Keep this under your hat.” Which is where he kept his most important secret. Literally under his hat. So while he slept, his fellow pirates would take off his hat and read his secret. Which consisted of a little slip o...
Jul 15, 2025•2 min
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate. His adventures took him far and wide, and once he went to China. “This cave bat is delicious,” he told the street vendor. “Can I have another?” That’s how George caught the Coronavirus. He was feverish and coughing for days. Spreading the disease like wildfire. Authorities called for people to shelter in place, putting the world in a lockdown. “Plenty of opportunities to loot and pillage,” wheezed the captain over the conference call. “Sure,...
Jul 14, 2025•1 min
Richard Tom Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is Snot RICHARD Grandpa When grandpa retired, he was a rich man. He’d started small as a young man, and over the years, he’d created a mini empire of pawn shops. And the money came rolling in. He was an expert at valuations – or more accurately, he was an expert at acting. He could convince an expert that a diamond was glass, and gold was brass. You’d never know it. Such was the calibre of his acting. And, when he retired, he gleefu...
Jul 13, 2025•11 min
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate. He was a pretty good competitive eater, though. Every Fourth of July, he’d sail to Coney Island to compete in Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. He’d soak the bun in water, chow it down, and then eat the meat. Repeat a few dozen times. The problem was, George would build a huge lead quickly, often breaking the record, only to vomit everything up and get disqualified. He changed his strategy to vomit all over the other contestants, tryin...
Jul 12, 2025•2 min
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate. On his days off, he’d walk around the local cemeteries, looking for groups of people. The bigger the group, the better. “He was such a good man,” he’d say to the widow, or whatever was appropriate for the deceased. “We knew each other in high school.” Then, he’d grab a free lunch from the reception, stuffing his pockets with shrimp and other goodies. He’d also grab some flowers, because the ship needed some color, or to make a good impressio...
Jul 11, 2025•1 min
