Of the Law and Order franchises, SVU is considered especially watchable.
We are the amateur detectives who kind of investigate the vicious felonies.
These episodes are based on.
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Hello, that's messed up?
In SVU podcast, I'm Liza Traeger and I'm Kara Klank reporting to you live from my garage in Los Angeles. I would like to tell them where I'm at. I haven't exposed. I'm looking at my exposed brick wall in New York City.
Yes, we're giving you your coast to coast coverage of Law and Order SVU, the true crime it's based on. Sometimes we interview people from the show. Spoiler alert. Today we don't have anybody, but we're just gonna have fun and that those can be fun too. You know.
We don't need no stinking guests. Just kidding. We want everyone to do our show well. Also, I do want to do a little shout out.
I ran into a mother daughter grandmother trip from Toronto here on the streets of New York. Oh, three generations. She screamed, glitter cheese. Oh my god, you're coming from soul cycle and I was.
She can tell so shout out.
They were about to go walk the Brooklyn Bridge and they were far from it, so they were really getting their steps in.
I do think it's funny when people just call you glitter cheese, or people are like, oh, tell Glitter that this. Like when she brought up this on the podcast, I'm like, okay, I'll tell Glitter. It really does make me happy. Did you have a good weekend last weekend? I'm trying to think of what I did anything that wasn't just like kids going going to kids birthday parties and stuff.
I honestly kept.
It pretty chill this weekend, but I have a lot going on coming up.
Events I didn't show up.
Two events I bought, like a gift for someone's birthday that I did not go to.
Is like, what, That's what my weekend was?
It was Yeah, it was like soul cycle and then like absolutely not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how I felt.
I wish I had, you know, more wild things to report, but I have been on my continuous journey through the Real Housewives of Orange County. I'm on like season seven and eight and just doing my intro Alexis Bilino. I don't know if you remember this but she became like a news anchor, but she just did like fitness and beauty things for local news, but was so bad. And it's like then Gretchen was performing for with the Pussycat Dolls. Never sang, never sang into a microphone, none of it.
And it's like the audacity of all of these people to just be like, Yep, this is my career. Yeah, of course I'm gonna do it. Slade Smiley doing stand up comedy at the Improv, Like, it's just so wild that you just think that you can. She said, like a Lexus was saying people's names wrong, she was stuttering, she was out getting a drink while they were like we're live.
She had to run into frame to like Georgia.
And it's just so that's where I'm at in that journey of like Brooks has just came into the picture. He hasn't lied about cancer yet, but it's everyone being like, we don't like him.
Who is this guy?
Yeah, And so That's where I'm at at that journey, just watching people.
It's wild that a person named Slade Smiley is real, But that's a real name.
That's a crazy fucking name. I bet it's fucking nut.
I bet he's David Slade or something like that and decided to do his more fun middle name.
Slade's Smiley. I mean, it sounds like a fucking Muppet game show character. Like I can't even like get on board. But I did see the movie Long Legs. Have you been hearing about it?
Fucking bitch? Of course I want to see it, So what what? What are the thoughts? I'm shocked you even went. I oh, because of the silence of the lambs, kind of energy, because kind of I feel like you wouldn't go. This is the guy that did it follow or the actress, I mean the actress the actress.
And when I was watching it, I kept going, how do I know this girl was? She was giving me, like, just from her look, I'm like, it's not Jackie from Yellowjackets, but she kind of has a little bit of that look.
But who is she?
I've never I went to her IMDb. I've never seen a damn thing she's been in. But she looks very familiar to me. Here's the thing, it's too new.
I just saw it.
I don't want to ruin anybody's like, I don't want to ruin anything. I have thoughts and I need you guys to see it and then we'll talk about it.
Okay, it's playing by my place, I'll try to see it. But I read a Vulture article actually about the actress and it's just ranking all her roles in all the horror movies. But she's kind of like a modern day scream Queen is yee what it is? And I and it follows as the scariest movie I've ever seen. I haven't been able to do a rewatch of it, like all the way through, but she is so incredible and I'm excited to watch all of her stuff.
Like she's very good in it, like she's very I was definitely giving me Clarice Starling, but like different, like she plays she plays it very like small and like she's very good. But the movie is wild. I don't know, it's just I don't know what to say about it.
But I was shocked you went.
Honestly, I went because because my friend Jackie was like, I'm gonna go see this movie long legs. I go, what's that? I had not heard of it. This was like like three weeks ago. She bought tickets so early for ituse she was excited about it, and I was like, oh, she goes it's about a serial killer. And I was like, oh, well, I'll go see stuff like that, like I will go see serial killer stuff. And so I told Jared I want to go see this. So me and Jared went
with his horror wife. The three of us went. He went with his real wife and his horror wife to go see this movie in the air. No, because I've gone to see movies with her before. Famously I went to go see Hereditary with her, and Hereditary didn't even scare me that much because I babysat for the kid
that was the star of the movie. But I literally was like I went into that movie knowing absolutely nothing, And that's how I would I would tell you all to go in and see it, like I liked knowing that absolutely nothing about it.
Like the tension was really good.
It's beautifully shot too, It looks very beautiful, and but it's a it's a wild it's a wild ride. Well, and it has an sbu Alum in it. Claire Underwood is in it. Woo, Claire Underwood am Sex in the City, Yeah, and Sex and the City, which I.
Would say that is the most unlikely storyline. That is the one where I'm like the show that like this Blair Underwood, who's the doctor for the Knicks.
I don't know. I just don't Miranda love connection there. I'm Miranda dumpsim for Steve.
Like I mean, oh, but while the list, there is this movie that she's not the lead in, but I have seen it.
Did you ever watch the movie Greta.
No.
It is with Isabelle Huper and Chloe Grace Moretz. But it's like this weird movie and she's like an old woman with a purse and kidnaps people and there's murder through the walls.
But it was just it was kind of silly. It was silly.
Yeah, that I feel like I heard I saw the True I wanted to see it or something, but I didn't.
I still want to see Inside Out too.
I'm kind and because it's so hot in New York, like going to a movie is the perfect air conditioning activity, but I have not.
Done it. I'm actually trying to go back.
I'm going to go for the first time to like a Long Island beach, like take the Long Island Railroad and.
See oo see what that hype is all about? Yeah, I'm excited.
I'm not you know, as long as someone else is leading the journey, I'll be okay.
Yeah, all the way out to the Hampton's or like a closer the island beach.
Okay, not Hampton's. I'm not sure what it's called.
Like I said, I'm not going to be in charge, and yeah, they're gonna get me going. Oh, you're gonna love to hear this. I had one of the best tunea melts ever. Oh where at Black Seed Bagel. It's like a you know, there's it's Montreal style bagels, but I even don't see that, like I think it's but that's what they say, but it's different to me.
But it was.
I added bacon and avocado to it on Assessame Seed bagel. Ooh, and I ate two sides. Usually I save a side, but I couldn't. It was that good.
Wow, you're making me want to tune them melt like right now. Oh my god.
We're in a really specific category of people because tuna sandwiches, they feel, are very controversial.
Yeah, I mean I remember the time I had a tuna sandwich at an after party of a comedy festival and when I come up to you said you're eating tune at the after party, and I was like, yeah, I'm embarrassed now.
I was like, you're right.
I guess I want to be having like conversations with people close up and I shouldn't be eating too.
No, you're right.
But unfortunately, like like when there's usually a lot of sandwiches at a big party, it's usually like a big Italian type of like meaty sandwich and tuna.
I do eat. I eat fish, so tuna is my go to.
But wait, I was going to say, oh, so this past couple of days, I know this episode is in the time machine as usual, guys, it's going to be a little bit past. But I did want to just shout out. I was very sad that Richard Simmons passed away. I was very sad that she and Doherty passed away. Doctor Ruth passed away. When I was in college, doctor Kelly Dave to my college Shelley Duvall, I mean olive
oil forever. But when I was in college, the beginning of college, I don't know if you had this experience, but like at the beginning of college, people would come talk. I'd be like, I'm going that's what college is about. You go to talks. And I would go to talks at the beginning and then I don't think I went to a talk the whole end.
Of college, just the first year.
But I went and I saw is it Henry Lee, the one who's the famous autopsy guy Michael Badam, I don't know the other one. No, no, no, no, he's the guy. This is the guy that did Yes, Henry Lee, the forensic scientist. He did like OJ and like he was involved in the staircase. Like he's very So I saw him talk because I think at the time I was taking forensic chemistry and I was like, I gotta go
to this. But I saw doctor Lee, doctor Ruth speak at the beginning of my college experience, and she was so great, so sex positive and just a cool little lady talking about fucking sex to everybody and she was great, and you know, it's just sad. It felt like we had a lot of And I was obsessed with Brenda Walsh as a young person. I know Shannon Doherty had bad politics later in her life, but I was a charge girl.
I was a charge Yeah.
I was a nine o two one zero and like it was like when I was growing up, everything was like you either like the blonde or you like the dark headed girl. You know, like everything was like it was Kelly versus Brenda, it was Betty versus Veronica. And I always gravitated towards the darker haired girls.
I have brown hair, but I.
Just like thought that they were cooler looking and attitude, I guess, and so I always liked Brenda, and uh, like I just was really sad. I remember reading articles about Shannon Doherty, like where she bought her clothes and stuff, like when I was like in Cent magazine and shit, oh like vintage and I'd be like, mom, I gotta get vintage, and she was like, what are you talking about. I'd be like, I don't know, I need vintage clothes,
like I didn't even know what it meant. And I was like so into everything about Shannon Doherty when she was Brenda back in the day, and then when she left the show, I was kind of like by her and Dylan.
I mean, her and.
Luke Luke Perry are in heaven together now if you believe in that kind of thing. But yeah, anyway, just a sad time for that, and uh because I had just been reading about how Shannon Doherty's fucking asshole ex husband was prolonging her their divorce proceedings because he didn't want to pay her any money. So just another cool man to talk about on our podcast. You know, men doing cool things. Uh, he wanted her to die, so you would just have to to you know, never pay her a dime in alimony.
It's p engross.
But I okay, So obviously we've talked about this. You're going to go see Oh Mary. I did see it, and I'm going to go again. And I after a show at the Seller, I started talking to a group of people that I vibed with and so we're chatting. We're chatting, and they're visiting from out of state. They went to see Oh Mary. So I'm just like, oh my god. And the two of them are like, we loved it. And I was just like saying the jokes
and whatever, and we're having fun. And then later on I bring it up to the other group, like the friends that was with them. It was a big group, and they were like, oh, yeah, they went to see it. They hated it, And I go, well, that's not what they told me. And so they they actually didn't like it, but they didn't want me to know, and so I was like, well you could have just said it. They go, we just didn't get it, like the jokes. We just wanted to feel cool and like that we understood the jokes.
But in my head it was not obscured at all. Like to me, I was like, this is so universal. And I brought it up to Ted, my acting teacher that I love, and he goes, no, we're part of We're like, it's alternative.
He goes, it is obscure.
He goes, an absurdity is hard and I go, you know, my sister famously a lot of people hated Barbon Starr And he goes, that's very absurd, and I go, yeah, maybe it's the absurdity that's confusing. But I love that they tried to cover up that they didn't get it. But to me, there was nothing to get and I thought it was basic. And then I find out, maybe we're part of a different kind of culture.
You know, this is.
Why nobody is green lighting any comedy television shows or movies really, like you know what I mean, Like comedy is now so fractured that it's like you either think like Tim Allen having a problem with his neighbor is the height of comedy, or you want to see this hilarious, Like what if Mary Todd Lincoln kind of loved that her husband got shot play with a non binary star. You know, it's like we got these two ends of the spectrum of comedy and there's just no specifically with comedy,
it feels like the monoculture is fully gone. You know, like with music there's always people like people can and with movies or whatever, I guess it's like, oh, we can go have fun at like a Blockbuster or whatever.
But I don't know.
With like comedy, I feel you like, I think it's I have to be careful what I recommend to some of my friends that I don't think are going to get some of the stuff that we think is funny.
Yeah, it just came to such a I was just so shocked. I'm like, there's nothing they get, Like that's what I thought, like in my head, I'm like, there's nothing to get. It's jokes. But I guess I guess not.
Like today I was, I was texting with a group of my girls from camp right and like so they're very mixed, like some are very city oriented and with it, and some are like live on an island off the coast of Maine or in New Hampshire, whatever. And my one friend was saying how after her divorce she dated a lot of cops, and I go, oh, yeah, she's a cab. All cops are boyfriends, is the joke I made in the thing. And she was like, yeah, or all boyfriends are cops whichever, And I go, do you
have you not ever heard the term acab? And she was like googling it.
And I was like, oh my god, you know what I mean.
There's just like I just didn't know anybody didn't know a cab.
So it's like we're.
You know, damn yeah, I just I that is so funny though, that they like about the show is so palpable.
You love it.
Nobody wants to like pop your bubble and go actually not for me or like, you know.
But I love that their friend also threw them under the bus like immediately, Oh, that like made me happen. Yeah, wait, and care already knows this, but everyone knows my love of the movie Grid and Cinematrix, Vulture Game and a proud moment for me this week. I thought there was a mistake. I emailed in and they did make the correction based on my email.
So I'm so proud of my cinematrix. Karen Lee's a trigger well keeping them on their toes over at Vulture.
Well, because if I don't know something that I'm okay not knowing, like if I if there's two empties or I just fuck up like I'm that's fine, But knowing that I'm about to fucking crush it and then get the disrespect of a square gone it like is upsetting when yeah, it's correct. Juno is a romantic comedy that has Jennifer Garner in it, like it is what it is. Yes, it's a comedy and they end up in the end.
So and how dare they and they and they shan't dare again because now they've got an updated in their in their library.
Yeah no, I've I've never been There's nothing I've been this good at that I could, you know, pattle tail on like usually you know it's above my pay grade or whatnot.
Oh, and I had a crazy happening you on Saturday, I took I was with our friends at the pool that we go to and there was a code brown.
Someone's shit in the pool.
Yep, dookie, everyone there three years I've never seen that.
Yep.
Suddenly it was like everybody, I'm not even talking about three years in that pool. I'm talking about how many years have you been alive at pools? Have you had that happen? I've never exactly, it's even you know, three years. Who cares?
It's like, well, when I liftime play when.
I used to play softball at mccarrian Park in Brooklyn, Like, that's the one. That's what it's called, right, Yeah, I used to play softball there. It was right next to this brand new, big community pool, and you would constantly hear everybody plays exit the water and it was because of shits. Like they would constantly have to shut that pool down because of shits apparently. But I have never been in a pool where it's happened. And it happened, and I don't know who did it. I didn't see it.
I just got out, and then the workers from the place were all like trying to get we.
Want to train it. What happens when they're shitt No, I think.
They had to they have to treat it with chemicals or something. I really don't know what happens. We were gonna leave anyway, like we were giving the kids ten minute warnings anyway. So we just got out, started getting dressed, and then we got the hell out of there. But I had invited these friends with us, and I was like, I'm so embarrassed, like this has never happened, and they were like, wow, it's not like your kid did it. And I was like, you know what, honestly, thank god,
because it easily could have been. I mean, Oscar is still in his potty learning moment, but he has never crept in a pool before. I think there's something about the pool where he's been swimming and he's gotten out and pooped in his bathing suit, but he won't do it in the water.
So I got him on that. Thank god. Wow what instance?
Also speaking of Oscar, who never gets any attention on this podcast, he has been religiously yelling out Lisa's house every time we passed your old apartment. So every time he was Leadsa's house, I'm like, all right, yeah, she doesn't live there anymore. He keeps they don't understand moving like that. He keeps being like, why can't she still live there, and then like their Rosie's friend just moved. They're like, why can't Isabelle still live here? Can she
not go to New Jersey? And I'm like, no, guys, like this is moving. It is really sad to try to teach kids about people moving away.
I know, but you know, I will see them in a month.
I would say, yes, you're going to see them so soon, like honestly less time.
In my head.
I'm like, oh, I would send some you know, stickers, but I'm going to see them, so I'm not doing that. Yeah, yeah, and we'll see. Maybe I will. I mean, maybe I'll surprise them.
Who knows.
I did want to say I did book a gig. I booked an acting gig, and you know who, printing's the nightmare. And so I asked our agency. I was like, can you just please print the script?
Like I don't.
I can't go because this is I don't know if it like this. The number on the paper of a script is not the same as the Google page number because there's like the cover, the list, and so it's like so hard to print like specific pages and maybe for other people it's not, but printing my sides has taken me four or five days of struggle, like I have just been on this journey printing the wrong pages, like going through So I was like, can you just
please print this for me? But they bound it like ooh, like I am one of the twins on Devilwaar's Prada reading my Harry Potter on the train.
The unpublished manuscript of Harry Potter is in Lisa's hand right now. They did make it look very professional.
I know, I loved it.
I'm gonna have them just print shit out for me. This feels so good.
But I definitely felt like Miranda Priestley's little daughter. And then did you have to like go across town to go pick it up?
Well, just uptown a little bit. It's like a few train stops for me. But someone met me in the lobby from the mail room. You know, it was.
Cool, gorgeous. Yeah, request use your resources, babe.
Also, I'm starting my We'll see if I continue it. You know, it's always tough to keep a diary, but you know, I feel like the end is near, so I'm gonna do my own antwering diary.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, Liza's final few months of Democracy journal.
I love that.
Yeah, it's but my hand hurts. I'm not used to writing, like I was in physical pain. After a page and a half, I'm like, I guess I'll stop mid sentence.
I can't go on, so we don't know how far I'll get.
But oh yeah, all of a sudden, everything is seeming more and more dire, and I get I don't think. I don't think women are going to be allowed to do stand up or work or do anything.
So I don't know. I'm just enjoying the last.
God's I mean, I hope I'm wrong, but in my head it's like, okay, like you guys aren't shy, you do not want women out and about, and I'm very out and about, and so I'm just getting ready.
I'm building up my memories.
So when I'm just like back to you know, I don't know, I'm selling water bottles.
You have to take You have to find a gay guy friend that you can like fake Mary so that you can keep up the appearance of a uh, you know, heteronormative nuclear fantasy.
Say I'm sending a text right now, but he he has a bob, like they're gonna know he's gonna get a air cut.
Yeah, you have to be like I call you your mine when when this all goes down.
Yeah, I'm texting right now. Actually yeah, fear.
My fingers are click and a clacking fear very fast.
Oh my god. Well wait the journal thing, that's so fun.
I literally, I mean you've heard of morning pages right from the Artist's Way, where you just get up and you type like morning pages. There's a website version of that because I was like, I'll never write that. It's basically like the premises, like you wake up in the morning and you just do your morning pages. You just write whatever comes to your mind, right right, right, right right. I don't know if there's a certain number amount of time or whatever, but they made a computer version of
it that's called like seven hundred and fifty words. And that's what I had to do because I physically cannot write with my hands.
Like already, because technology might be like done, I might not have electricity, Like this is something I gotta get done, hide somewhere for you know whatever.
Yeah, I'm getting all my glasses re prescribed or whatever. My prescriptions changed in all my glasses because we can't be using contacts.
When the world ends, you know.
Well, or you can get lasick. Sorry to bring that up. That's true.
That is the best thing for the end of the world. Sorry to burst your bubble. You need a life straw. You need a gun.
And I heard about that.
I heard about that, and I guess the deem on NPR in twenty sixteen, like after Trump was elected, millionaires and billionaires were going to get we're building bunkers.
Already a man already, this gay man one hundred. But will you take care of me even he wants a fucking housewife. Yeah, I'll sweep, I'll sweep, but he's got to take out trash.
All right.
Sorry, but to you, you were talking about life straw. You got to get lacey. But I'm scared, like I wouldn't. Also, my mom being old is so weird. Like she just called me and casually was like, yeah, I have cataracts.
I'm like, excuse me.
Oh, my parents had them too, and they acted the same way. My parents acted like no big deal. And then they got cataract surgery. And now my dad doesn't have to wear glasses anymore, which is so weird. He's been wearing them my entire life.
Well, this is good I'm gonna tell him mom, because she's obviously like, oh, I'm just gonna wait till the final moments, and we'll see what happens when I lose my vision fully and maybe I should be like, well, maybe you won't even have to wear glasses.
Yeah, my parents got cataract stuff and it just fully fixed their vision.
Okay, I'll bring it up to them. But yeah, yeah, so we could start the episode.
We could start yeah, yeah, but let's get started. We have a great episode for you guys today as usual as always, you know that's messed up. Live dot Com has a link to Lisa's tour dates, a link to you know, rate and review us on Apple and Spotify. I think you can rate on spot whatever. It has a link to our merch We've got some great summer merch guys. Get that tank top that do you have Children Detective t shirt. I think the mugs are sold out,
but we have some other stuff up there. And you can also click on the link for our promo codes and anything you've heard us do and add for the promo codes are up there. You can get support our sponsors, who in turn support us.
I'm also going on the road in the fall, but mostly I do need to sell out Toronto right around the Taylor Swift concert. Let's go everybody, no or take your time, But I'll be doing some dates in the fall. I'm really enjoying, you know, my summer, my summer vacation, and I think we could say probably we're going to be doing some dates.
In the fill waiting. Yeah, we're going to be doing some dates in the fall. We're just waiting on a couple more things before we can announce. But get ready and yeah, with that, let's kick it off. Let's go into this episode. Okay, if you thought last week's episode Shadow was wild, get ready for fat. This episode is from season seven. It's episode twenty. It came out in two thousand and six. I guess, let's just keep.
That in mind.
But again, so yeah, not all you know episodes of the show. Hold up, we do think this is a wild one. We wanted to cover it, but you know, we're never really not on board with a lot of the terminology and some of the points of view in this episode.
So we'll talk about it as they arise.
Okay, so we open on Jesus' shit immediately with Stabler's voice and confession, and he says, it's been two years since his last confession, and I'm shocked.
I thought he was churching on the regular.
I thought he was like, your honor, I threw a suspect up against the filing cabinet, you know whatever, your honor father. Sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I watched too much just for you. The judges are my priests. So he confesses I was selfish, I was disrespectful.
I lost my temper and I'm sorry.
And the priest is like, bro, after two years of no confession, that's all you did wrong?
Like, tell me what's really bothering you? Elliott?
And I thought I was supposed to kind of be anonymous, like I do. Think it's weird.
The priest.
I calls him by his name, like you're supposed to sit facing sideways and I don't know, Casey, you're Catholic, right, It's true, I am. Do they ever say, okay, Casey, are you supposed to case you shouldn't have done that?
No? I mean historically there was like you know, the confessional booth, you weren't able to see the person's face. Supposed to be kind of anonymous and then like sometimes even when it's like face to face, the priest will like kind of like turn turn away as it to kind of like have like the ceremony of it being anonymous, you know.
So it's maybe maybe this guy, maybe this priest is an SVU fan, and he's like, I'm obviously gonna recognize your voice Chris Maloney. So Elliot's like, I keep losing people, and the priest is like, like your family, and Elliott says, my family, my kids, friends, And then the priest goes friends you mean someone at work?
Why would you jump right to that? Like what are you? Are?
You? Like?
Is the priest on team Benchler like, it's weird to be like I'm losing friends?
Is it somebody from Why would you ask that? It's weird?
I don't think he has friends? Maybe yeah, yeah, they're like that's true. They're like, Elliott, you've never had a friend your whole damn life. So anyway, right when things are getting juicy and confession, Elliott's beeper goes off and interrupts the confession, and Stabler's like gotta go, and the priest is like, all right, but you should come back and give me the juicy shit because this was boring, and he blesses him in Latin and then says, for
your penance, call your wife. You know we have a game of Call of Us. We should also do like start one where people like you. That's on the SVU Bingo Kard too, where someone tells Elliott call Kathy please he please check in on your the number of people on this show who are just trying to help him be a better husband and father and like he like
never does it anyway. Elliott is now getting out of his car at a crime scene and there's a guy who's immediately giving Stabler's ship before he even introduces himself. And his name is Detective Lucius Blaine from Queen's SVU, who is played by Anthony Anderson, who is obviously was the star of Blackish and who also was on the Law and Order original recipe for a really long time
and kangaroo Jack. Yes, and he in the spirit of like when we did the episode with Buzz from Home alone, and we did, we had to like later say we didn't know he had like DV accusations.
We were like, we just can't be googling.
We have gotten a few people that have said let me be the person that googles all the bad guys for you.
I just don't know logistically how that would work.
But Anthony Anderson just does not have good reputation and has accusations against him. So he plays a jerk in this episode and I'm pretty sure one in real life.
So that's that.
And he is gonna be partners with Elliott right now. So just to refresh everybody's memory, the episode right before this was Fault, and that was the lou Diamond Phillips episode where you know, he plays Frank Gaetano. He kills a little boy right in front of and Stabler didn't get the chance to get to him because he he had helped live instead, and so it was all about whether like he cares too much about Olivia that he
can't do his job. And at the end of that episode, Benson asked for new partner, but really it was Murshacargata asking for maternity leave, because this is one of the first episodes that she's not his full partner.
I mean, she's spoiler. She comes on a little bit later in.
The episode, but she's not with SVU in this episode. And then I think infiltrated might be her first big episode back after she has her kids, and that's like the sixth episode of the next season. So the first thing we see at this crime scene is like a girl being wheeled on a stretcher to an ambulance. And the first thing this guy Lucius says is victim's a teenage hotty. Not a great start, Okay, I'm not loving him immediately calling a victor of the.
Thing that's even crazier about all this is he's not just a cop from a different precinct. And what you know, he comes in from drunk, yes, undercover. He is Queen's SVU exactly, talking about young hotties like rat is crazy.
Exactly, Like that's what I was thinking.
I go, it's not like he's one of these guys that they have to teach him how to deal with victims like you are from SVU in another burrow. And then he says, no purse, no panties, head trauma, ligature marks and her finger was sliced clean off. So now we've got friend of the Pod o'haleran there with more info. He's like, there were fresh tire tracks and there were definitely two perps because of the footprints and they dragged her from the car, and you know, this is like
where the assault took place. So he says he can tell from the footprint identification that the guys aren't small like the The amount that they were pressed into the mud shows that these were larger people the purpse. Okay, So Lucius Blaine goes, get me an id on the tires and the shoes, and o'hallaran looks kind of stunned, like who the fuck are you, and like you see him sort of slow turned to Stabler, like who is this?
And Stabler just.
Like wants to know who found the victim, and Lucius goes, Marie Antoinette over there. I don't get this reference because he's just referring to like a woman that looks sort of unhoused and like a little bit you know, wacky, and O'Halleran goes, yeah, her footprints are all over the scene as well, and Lucius goes, oh really and has like a light bulb moment and he storms over to where this redheaded, like unhoused woman is just talking to the to the uniform cops, turns her around forcefully and
starts frisking her up against the car, grabbing something she has in her jacket, and she's like.
Oh, I didn't steal it. It was on the ground and it's the victim.
So he was right, he was correct, But I feel like there was another way he could have gone about it, Like you could have just gone up to her and been like, ma'm I'm gonna need to pat you down, And instead he like went and kind of like assaulted her up against the car and patted her down really aggressively. And he but he finds the victims like purse and it has her id. Her name is Jessica Delay. It's her school ID from William Osler High School where it
says she's in eleventh grade. Then he looks in the bag and says, oh my god. And the cutoff finger is in the bag, much like the balls that we have already discussed being found in an ice bucket. Stabler's like, let's go, we can get we can, you know?
And then this is the thing.
So he like empties out some ice coffee, keeps the ice and throws the finger in there. Can you just mix coffee in a in a wound of a loose finger, Like I just know the coffee of it all was like, I don't know, maybe it's better without coffee ice, Yeah, infections, I don't know, maybe ask the doctor.
Does the ambulance is right there? Did they? Yeah, the ambulance is right there.
Do they have like an ice pack or something they could wrap that thing and it's not doesn't have a latte in it?
Like, yeah, that's so true, but blood.
This guy Lucius goes back at this poor woman who just found the body and then decided to keep a purse, and it's like, you cut off her finger, you freaking witch.
And she's like no, we're just lying on the ground.
So he's like screaming at her and he's like, so you took her money and needed the ring too, So I guess the ring the finger they cut off had a ring on it, and so that's why she took it because she wanted the ring. And so Stablers like, we can still save the finger. Let's do the ice coffee move. So Stabler grabs the finger ice and he goes to accompany the victim to the hospital and the ambulance. Him and Lucius like share a look through the ambulance
glass and then that is the credits. Okay, so top of Act one, we're at the hospital as the victim Jessica's being prepped for surgery. The doctor's saying we might be able to save the finger thanks to Stabler and his coffee ice. And the doc says she was sodomized with a blunt object, and that is one of my least favorite lines to hear on this show, you know, like we've heard it before.
I hate it.
The doc also revealed that the perps tried to cut off her hands altogether but couldn't get through the bone, so they went with the finger, and he tells Stabler he can talk to the victim after surgery. In walks Lucius, who says the victim's mom is on the way and wants to know Stabler's question Jessica. Yet, then they see her being rolled out of the elevator. How they know
it's hers beyond me. She's so far away, surrounded by hospital staff, like lying on a bed, tubes, you know, ivy bags, and Blaine acts like a complete freak and runs up to her hospital gurney like a craze paparazzo, being like Jessica, Jessica, tell me what happened, Let me know, Just tell me something, and she's like fully unconscious, if not sedated, like it's so inappropriate, and again.
Is but Benson in a nicer way, but has done this. I'm sorry, Like Benson is chased trying to get evidence and so quietly not screaming.
She's been like, Jessica, do you remember anything?
Like if a victim even mumbles a word and then they don't come out of surgery, it's like, at least you have that.
I get why Benson does that. This man is truly screaming.
At her and like you know, running after her, like she wasn't even the cop that was in the ambulance with him, Like maybe Stabler has a rapport with her from writing in the ambulance, but like Jesus, this man's out of nowhere after he beat up this redheaded woman who he called Marie Antoinette again not getting it did she have red hair anyway?
So Stabler's like.
Dude, calm the fuck down, like telling like, scaring this girl isn't gonna get us anything, and It's like, don't worry. She didn't hear anything to be scared because she was fully unconscious, it looked, and Lucia's apolog apologizes and then goes, I forgot I was dealing with detective sensitive and then he storms off, which isn't even a good insult or
diss or clever or RT like there's nothing to that. Yeah, it's like I hope you never meet an actually sensitive person or like Olivia Benson, you know, like Stabler's the least sensitive person.
It's legit, Seinfeld, I went to the jerk store and added Jar like, it's like, what are you saying right now?
I went to the jerk store totally.
So now Stabler's complaining to Daddy Craigan, like why did you give me this blow hard? And Craigan's like, Queen's us few loves him. They say he's good, so like, so then why they dumped like.
Why is he not there? Like why is he here?
Why they dump him on us? And Stabler wants to know, like where's Benson? And we never really find out why Lucius came there at all, besides the fact that they needed a guest star because Maurice carget they needed less
screen time because she's pregnant Benson. Stabler says she's a computer crimes and he goes, you needed a break from each other, and then Stabler's like, in whose opinion and Craigan goes the decision has been made, and then Cragan walks off and Blaine brings Craigan up to speed on the case. He's like, we've idd the tires. They're pretty common. The shoes are quatros, and then based on the princes, creep number one is five ten and creep number two
is five eight. They're throwing shade at Stabler for not letting him talk to the victim. Both of them like it's kind of like he's doing it, and Craigan's like, oh, and it's like.
It's very delusional. You could not speak to her. She was going into.
Surgery and she was probably grabbed anywhere between her school and the subway station, and CSU said that she was probably attacked, like exactly where she was found due to the amount of blood. Craigan's like, you got anything of value to add to Stabler and Stabler's like thanks, Dad. He says, well, it was personal. They didn't take any money or credit cards. They just wanted to inflict pain. And then Lucius is like, well, why did they steal
her cell phone? And they're all like, well, how do you even know she had a cell phone, and he's like, she's sixteen with three credit cards. She had a cell phone, Which that's a good point, you know, it is a good point. It's two thousand and six, even I had gotten a cell phone, you know, four years earlier. Another thing they didn't take munch pipes in is her Health department ID card. Craigan's like, I never heard of a teen working for the Health department, and neither has anyone else.
So it's a fake ID and it's got a number on the back belonging to someone named Rufus Brownell and inspector at the department, and they give his license plate number. And then the next scene we see is like that license plate through binoculars, and we're seeing this guy in his car with a young woman in the front seat and they're sort of talking closely, but you don't really know what's going on.
This I will say, I'm about.
To explain it, but this is one of the wildest little like side plots of all that I've seen. In as for you, Stabler and Lucius are peeping through Bino's and the minute that Sabler says he's got a little friend in there with him. Lucius, like an absolute psycho, just goes off. He gets out of the car, runs straight for this guy's car, opens the door, pulls the guy out screaming, and goes, get your hands off of her, Like he is truly like a rookie with a cocaine problem.
He has no idea who this guy is, what the relationship is to the woman, Like it's truly unhinged. He's got the guy pinned up against the car screaming at him when Stabler, of all people, has to diffuse the situation, and this guy's like I work for the help department. I'm helping this woman Laurie, like I'm helping her fix her.
This is a tobacco sting, Like, lol, what is happening? Like, I know it's two thousand and six in this episode, and I do know smoking is a major problem because I did it for way too long, which.
And I regret it, but like I just it's like hard to even imagine you as a smoker, honestly.
I know, but oh boy, did I love it and did I do it constantly? But just there's so much money that the police could be spending money on, and like kids smoking cigarettes it's like, I don't know, let's I get that cigarettes.
Cops or is it just like a program? Isn't he like doing some people.
Oh, I'm sorry, not cops, like the health department.
No, but like like later in this episode, they literally talk about health departments like the cops have better ways to waste money, like robot dogs, Like I don't know, but like cigarettes. In my episode they talk about how like clinics for people with diabetes are being shut down, and here they're like, no, we got to have informants. And this guy working stings twenty four hours a day
to bus people who are selling SIGs. It's like, I think the laws passing about not being able to do it outside don't market to kids.
I agree with all of it.
I just didn't think tobacco stings would be effective. This guy proves me wrong later, Okay, trying to catch stores selling cigarettes to miners.
He said she's sixteen.
He pays them eight bucks an hour, and he's like, the fake idea is.
Part of it. It makes the kids feel important, like part of a team.
And then meanwhile, the little girl Laurie goes, what do you mean it's fake? Like she loved that she had a legit Health Department ID and now she's piss So they show him Jessica's ID and they tell him about her attack and they're like, you use kids as bait and you don't think they could get hurt And he's like, no, I'm always close, so nothing bad happens, and Lucia's is like, tell that to Jessica.
It's like a little bit dramatic. I don't know if this had anything to do with.
Cigarettes, and he asks for they ask for a list of the stores that she's been working at for him, and it would be wild for someone to attack that violently because of a tobacco sting, like you know, a punch, maybe like.
Trying to saw off your hand. A little wild.
So now they're at Rufus's office and he's showing them a app of Manhattan with flags all over showing the stores he's rated. So it's like hilarious to me, like he's Carrie Matheson, like trying to stop cigarette sellers, but like how much time and resources are going into this. Maybe it's just this man and he's a one man operation and he gets forty thousand dollars a year, in
which case carry on anyway. They show him the blue flags are the stores that he raided with Jessica, and there's a lot of them, and he goes, she took the job seriously. And then Lucius is like, meanwhile, if I was sixteen to walk into Bodega's and try to buy cigarettes for eight dollars an hour, sign me up. That's like the best job you could ever get as a teen. That sounds awesome. Plus a fake health department,
I d card I'm in. Lucius is like, it's not a job, dude, Like you're putting kids at risk, and he's like more harm than cigarettes. He's like, where I do these stings, smoking is down by fifty percent, and again I cannot believe that's true. But if those are the stats, I can't believe Neil Bher would put a fake stat on the show.
So I do like that the guy. The guy is like, I'm helping these kids.
So Stabler points out that losing your tobacco license, though, is a huge incomes for these stores, and have any of these places threatened her? And he goes, well, one guy got a little rough, and he pops in a VHS and we see footage of Jessica paying for SIGs and leaving, and suddenly the guy goes after her and
grabs her. But then right away Rufus runs in and he says, the second there's trouble, I'm in And that store owner is named Hobzid Latif and it's the third time he's been caught this year selling SIGs to little ones.
And the store is two blocks from where her body was found.
So we cut to the store and they're like, do you remember Jessica, And he's like, I remember that little bitch, like he does not like her, and he's like, she costs me thousands of bucks and I like that too, and he says I never touched her. The girl comes in, she wants cigarettes. He says, you're too young. She says, come on, I won't tell anyone.
And she's really pretty.
And then Lucius gazes at her fake health department idea and goes, yeah, she is a hotty, all right, And it's really gross because he's already called her a hotty, so first of all, a child. Second of all, it's like a work id photo with fluorescent lighting. It's not like she's trying to look hot in the photo, like you're projecting pervert shit on her. And so the guy's like, she's flirting with me, like what could I do? And Lucius pretends to be on his side and he goes, yeah,
what could you do? And then he turns and he says, pervert, you get turned on my little children. It's like, again, sir, you have called her a hotty two times as her body was being loaded into an ambulance one of the times. And Lucius is trying to rev this guy up and he's like, no, she called me names and he laughed at me and I lost my license, but I swear I did not touch her. So Stabler interrupts this tense interrogation happening in the middle of a bodiga and Lucius goes,
what and Stabler goes, nice shoes are those quatros? So why don't we take mister Hamzad for a little walk through the crime scene. So everybody's wearing these quatros, which are probably like, you know, Nike Airs or something, or Air Jordans or something. Sound like a fucking fifty year old I'm like Nike Airs, Air Jordans. They make this guy walk over to the crime scene and then go tell him to stand in the mud behind.
The police tape.
It makes absolutely no sense, like, just go stand in this crime scene and leave a shoeprint. We're just gonna see if you're the guy. So Halloran also stops the insanity by going, there's no point I told you earlier that based on the depths of the footprints these guys are larger. That one purp would be two forty the other one would be three hundred pounds. This man looks like he weighs one hundred and fifty pounds. So Stabler tells hom said, thanks for your time, have a good day,
go back to your cigarette less bodega. Stabler gets a ringy dinghy on his little flip phone and we're gonna get a lot of delicious mid two thousands phones in the show, and this is just the first one. So now we're at Melinda's house and she's like, where's Benson And it's like touchy subject, don't bring it up. Stabler
goes reassigned, and then he introduces Lucius to her. She goes, I ran tests on the stain on Jessica's clothing, and there were two blood types, and she can tell that one of the blood types is a girl who's going through puberty, and we're looking for a two hundred and fifty pounds girl, says Lucius, and Melinda says yes, and her glucose is through the roof. So when you arrest her, tell her she has type two diabetes. That's the end of Act one, all right, So I don't know why
they're acting incredulous, like a girl can't be heavier. It's very confusing dialogue.
Anyway.
Back at the precinct, Craigan is like, so, we're looking for kids, and Stabler is like, yeah, two very large kids.
Again. I don't like the way they're talking about these people any more than you guys do.
But they still haven't spoken to Jessica. She was sedated post op and then her mom wouldn't let them talk.
She was too upset.
They reattached the finger, but they have no clue she'll ever be able to use it again. Craigan asks, oh, so how's Blaine doing, and Stabler lies and goes great. So now they're at Mercy and they're questioning Jessica, and this is the actress Rooney Mara, who I simply do not recognize here, Like she just doesn't look like herself to me, like I have seen a lot of things she's in and I don't recognize her.
I feel like she looks super young. I wonder how old she is.
And she has sisters, of course, with fellow SVU alum Kate Mara from the episode Pixies, which we have done at live shows. And in case you don't know this, she is from an extremely rich family which on both sides owns separate NFL teams, like one of her parents families owns the Giants and the other one owns the Steelers. And I actually knew the Giants because where I grew up in Connecticut is three.
Houses away from the New York border.
And she went to high school like down the street for me in New York, like Westchester County, And I had heard about this family that owned the Giants live then that like the daughters were actresses like when I was younger. So yeah, and I think Saint Jermaine dance. Saint Jermain went to high school with one of them or both of them. That's a comedy friend of ours. Not to name drop anyway.
Rooney Mara, aka.
NFL Heiress, is in the hospital sitting there with like you know, obviously bandages on her face and bruises, and there's a boy sitting there as well, named Tommy, and I'm like, jesus, another Tommy, like whoever, I forgot our listener's name who always sends us the Tommy lists, but like, add this one on there another Tommy Strahan this guy.
So she's like, I don't really remember much. I left school at one thirty.
I was heading to the subway to go to Tommy's apartment, who's supposed to be her boyfriend, I guess, although they don't like explicit say it.
And she took her usual shortcut through an alley.
Then she hearde a van behind her, heard footsteps, and then there was a bag over her head and she was being dragged into the van, and the next thing she remembers, she's in the hospital. And she does remember that when she was in the van there was more than one person. She has no enemies, no school feud. She says, I get along with everyone. I have a lot of friends. And that's always what the popular girls who murder people say on the show. And Tommy Stabler goes, Tommy,
is that true? And he goes why are you asking me? He gives me holding March vibes immediately, like he is giving me weird vibes of that guy. He's like, I'm asking you because you guys are friends, and he's like, yes, she has no enemies. So then Stabler goes, but we think your attackers knew you, so you probably know them.
And then Jessica turns on the tears and it's like, why are you making me go through this?
And Tommy is like, you're upsetting her and Stabler's like, we're literally just trying to figure out.
Who hurt her.
And then they're like, did you have your cell phone with you at the time of the attack, and she says, I think I did, but they didn't find it. Tommy's like, so those bastards stole it, and Stabler's like, yeah, but why wouldn't they take anything else?
And he goes.
She goes, why are you being so mean? Please get out and leave me alone, like very much. The girl who turns on the tears to shut down the conversation. Getting out of the elevator at the precinct, Lucius goes,
in Queens, we treat a victim like a victim? What what does this flip around all her, calling her a hattie and screaming questions at her as she's unconscious going into surgery, and Stabler goes, then go back to Queen's and he goes, and then he tells Craigan, we didn't get much out of Jessica, Lucia says, because Stabler intimidated her. And Stabler's like, I'm not buying her little miss innocent routine. You saw how she led on that store owner, which
is weird of Stabler. It's like she is a child, Like what do you mean she was like leading on a store owner. It's in a grainy it's grainy footage from a bodego. You don't know what was happening.
And Neil Baar had the flu this week. Yeah, seriously, you know what I mean?
Maybe yeah, it's just it's it's right. They must have talked about it, like that's the thing. Hopefully our mold can get it. Like they must have been like, well that was a weird one.
Yeah.
They're making hundreds of episodes. There's can't win them away.
But these are funny. I mean, these are wild ones. Like you gotta have some that, like, you know, grab the balls.
I just don't like the flip around like this is.
This she is a whore? Like what is happening? Yeah? Yeah, her dream? Maybe? Yeah?
Maybe he was about to say he's like Lizzie Board and I'm morphine.
Yeah, Lucius, who thinks that he's a fucking SVU superstar, goes good for her. She took down a drug pedaling thief who had a thing for schoolgirls, and Stabler's like, the guy was selling SIGs tables on my side.
He's like, I mean there's SIGs. I do think smoking is awful. I hate smoking. I'm you know, I'm so happy to be quit now. You like you think it's no big deal that kids are smoking, is what you're basically said.
I cannot believe that sting operations where places lose their cigarette license is reducing team smoking. I just simply don't believe that correlation. I think there are commercials about how it makes you stink, it makes your fucking teeth yellow, like it's not cool.
I think that probably does more to influence teens.
Than Oh shit, my local bodego where I used to buy SIGs got busted. I guess I don't smoke anymore. Kids always find a way, and you know that as well as I do. So much interrupts with the extra curricular report on Jessica. He's like, she's a busy bee, she's in plays concerts.
Debate.
Turns out her last concert was at the Koreta Scott King Orchestra.
What are we talking about?
There's schools playing with different orchestras, but they don't explain it.
Sabler goes, Okay, let's start there.
Her attackers obviously knew she played piano, because what better way to fuck up a pianist than chop off a finger?
Okay, interesting observation.
At the high school, they're asking the principal if there are any heavy kids in orchestra, and he's like, it used to be that the heavier kids played music to get out a pe, but now we don't have pe and a third of the school is overweight. They try to serve more fruit and salad in the cafeteria, but kids like burgers and fries. And there's half a dozen fast food places on this block. And the episode is
obviously trying to say something about childhood obesity. Here are they saying it in a clunky way?
Uh?
Yes, like you know it's not it's it's there's a lot of fat phobia in this episode. But I also think what they're trying to get at is fast food companies being the bad guys. And Lucius is like, it's not just about food. These kids could exercise, play sports. The Principal's like, where have you fucking been, dumb ass. We can't afford sports. They're lucky to have an orchestra
at all. And so then Stabler has stepped away for another little call on his baby flip phone, and he's back and he's like, listen, Munch checked jessica cell records and a call was made one hour after the attack, and they have the phone number. So now the principal trots the two detectives into the orchestra practice and Lucius tells them we're looking for a witness to an assault, and Stabler dials up the phone number that Munch just gave him and bring bring No. One knows how to
go on silent at orchestra practice. The phone starts ringing and it is a kid named Kenny. His teacher goes, Kenny, no phone's in practice, and he goes sorry, and then he still.
Picks it up and goes hello, like, I love that. He's like, does it just turn it off?
He fully answers it, and then Stabler goes hi, and the kid has busted.
He's like, what's going on? They asked where were you two afternoons ago?
And he says, I don't remember in really the most unconvincing way possible. And then a girl stands up and goes, leave my brother alone, and she's got a scratch on her face, which Lucius grossly like grabs her face and goes, what happened there? Like kid, and they just take both kids in for questioning. In interrogation, Kenny is sitting in cement Bar's room while Cragan and Elliott chat on the other side of the glass.
This kid's name is Kenny Bixton.
He's sixteen, and he's wearing Quattro jumps aka Nike airs as I called them before. That's consistent with the footprints that they found at the scene. And all he said to the cop so far is get me a soda. His sister, Mia is fourteen and their mom is on the way down. Craigan's like, let's get the forensics and the confession and wrap this shit up. So now, Lucius is talking to Mia and he's lying to her. He's saying the victim to wait this. This made my skin crawl.
There is a certain amount of lying that they're allowed to do, and we've seen before. They definitely have said, oh, your brother's in the other room flipping on you, like the victim idd you and described you no.
He's very specific lie yes, yes, detail, And she's like, I want to talk to my brother.
They lie to her and they're like, oh, he's in the other room spilling honey, and Lucius tells her, listen, if you tell the truth right now, it's gonna count a lot.
And she's like, is my mom coming?
And he like goes, sweetheart, and then he gives them the hole when your mom comes and the lawyers get here, we can't help you anymore, which we've seen before. But then he is fully lying to her and going saying, whatever you tell me now is shit that won't be on the record. That's what he says to her, which is a absolute lie. And even Stabler the opposite of
the Miranda rights. Yes, even Stabler, king of slamming suspects against walls and crossing the line is like dude, and Lucius like waves him off and he's like, yeah, Stabler's gonna go call your mom and like basically tells him to get the fuck out of there. And he's being so shady and he goes, tell the truth. Now, it's your first defense. You'll get off and she goes really and he goes, you'll get immunity. Stabler is like, that's too much your fully bold faced lilye and you just said,
like how you're so like self righteous. You treat victims like victims, and then what you treat suspects like they're completely guilty immediately, Like it was really hard to watch. And he's like, you're questioning a miner without a parent, and even if we get something from her, you know, we can't use it, and Lucius.
Is like, yeah, but we can use it to break her brother.
They did it, and Stabler goes when they find out how you got the confession and Luciu's like, you'll back me up. It'll be two detectives versus a kid, and Stabler's like, nah, dude, I am not doing that shit, and Lucia, I clearly hate you.
Yeah, like in what world would I back your play?
Like I won't back you about who ate something out of the refrigerator at the precinct, like not happening. Lucius is like, don't give me you that holier than thou crap. I know how you work, and Stabler's like, you don't know me, bitch, and Lucius goes, no, wonder your partner dumped you?
Oh shit, he goes.
You screwed her, and now you're trying to screw me, and Stabler naturally punches this man right in his face, and the two of them start grappling like fresh on the wrestling team, like they're kind of just like holding each other's shirts and pressing against each other like there's not even any more punches really happening, And then Finn and Craigan other cops come in and break it up, and one cop goes, Elliet, come on, and.
I hope that got him his sagcard. I really do.
Craigan sends Lucius to his office and then tells everyone get back to work. Fund's over, and then Stabler in the office is like, you get rid of him or I quit, and Craigan says, change and get into my office. So now Stabler is in the locker room changing and we see somebody in soft focus right behind him, and who is it but Olivia Benson, looking gorgeous from the shoulders up. And they stay nice and tight on her to avoid any kind of baby bump, and she goes,
I like that shirt. And it's like, aren't these locker rooms separated by gender? Do they just let the female and the milk cops just change in front of each other? I can't imagine that the NYPD would be that liberal, you know. But he's like, what are you doing here? And she says, I heard what happened between you and Blaine. It's like, oh, the fight that happened ten minutes ago. Word travels fast, like did Fenn did? I was like, did Finn text you with like T nine on a
flip phone to like let you know what's happening? Like? Is she in the same building in computer Crimes? I have a lot of questions how she out there so quick?
Shining for her in this way that it makes it seem like she's not downstairs, but yes, exactly, And then he traumatic he walks over to her like really quickly and squinting, And these are the moments where I do know the show is fucking with us, because that seems exactly like a moment in any other show where he would run to her and like kiss her.
Like I felt like it was almost like a kiss was gonna happen. And then he goes, why didn't you tell me? And Olivia's like, Elliet, we've been partners for seven years, longer than anybody else here.
We needed to change. I'm sorry I should have talked to you.
It's just too complicated, like and there's like sparks between them, you know, and he goes, thanks for dropping by, and he walks off, very mature, right, And Stabler is in Craigan's office now, and Craigan is like, I'm not letting you quit or Lucius quit, and Stabler's like, well then I'm out of here. And he goes, you know, you're just running away from yourself. And he goes, you know
why I paired you with Lucius. Stabler goes because you started drinking again, just casually joking about his captain's addiction, and Craigan goes, so that you would know what you're like to work with. He goes, I don't lie to kids, and Craigan's like, bitch, you bend the rules all the time. Don't make me list every time you've crossed the line. You're a good cop, but god knows how Olivia put
up with you for so long. And he goes, well, Olivia is a saint, and it seems very sarcastic, and Craigan says, get over to the Orchestra teen's house with a warrant, and Stabler tries to complain, and Craigan goes full angry dad and goes, you will work this case together, understood, And Stabler just walks off with his tail between his legs, and then outside he sees Lucius waiting for the els. Oh yeah, you know that is angry Dad. You're going
you're doing it, you know. So he Stabler sidles up next to Lucius up front outside the elevator, and after a couple of seconds of silence, Lucius goes sorry about your shirt, and then Stabler goes sorry about your face, and suddenly these two are just giggling all the way to elevator town. And Stabler's like, look, we've got no choice. Let's just work this case, all right, and Luci just goes fine with me. And it is funny because I
do sometimes think that that is how men make up. Like, my husband was in a fight with a friend for a year. They just didn't speak and Jared was super mad about something and then they just ran into each other at a bar and started talking and he goes, yeah, we're fine now. I was like cool, Like no resolution, just like we moved on, you know. But now we're at the home of the Bixton teens, Mia and Kenny, and they're asking the mom like do you own a car?
And she's like, we can't afford a car. And they're like, do you have access to a car. She's like, we live in New York City, why would we need a car? And she says, well, Kenny and Mia were at school two afternoons ago, and I don't know what time they get home because I work at the laundromat till eight.
Rudy is their brother, So they start asking him and Rudy is in a wheelchair and his arm is in a sling and his face looks bruised, and he's like, yeah, they came home after school that day and they asked what happened to him, and he claims he fell down some stairs and hurt his leg, broke a couple bones, and then O'Halloran calls them over and he finds this souvenir bat for the Bronx Gators and he's like that, I think this is the assault web been And then
he does the old black light trick and blood and skin fragments glow. So they must have beaten her unconscious with this. But it's like a souvenir bat, like it's the size of a hot dog. Like I it just seems like a weird weapon. There's really but that's what you would put in a you know, two Saturday. Yes, yes, yes, for that. You know we've seen worse, but it's also horrible. But the souvenir bat as a murder weapon.
You know.
They are coming up with new things all the time on the show and I applaud them. So now they've and it's a souvenir bat for the Bronxkaters.
What's that is that? Like?
A is that a real I gotta look that up. Hold on, Nope, not a real team. There's the Harlem Gaters was a professional minor league football team. But yes, there's no Bronxkaters anyway. They must be some Triple A baseball team out of the Bronx. So next they've got Mia back in the cement bars room with her lawyer now this time, thank god, so shady Lucius can't like
screw her. And they throw the bat down in front of her and tell her that it's got Jessica's blood on it, and the lawyer is claiming they could have found that out in the street and taken it home. And then they show her shoe print and it's all adding up and soon we're gonna find the knife and the van and met your blood to the blood on her clothes.
And the lawyer is.
Like, say nothing, and Sabler's like, just tell us what Jessica did to you, And the lawyer shakes his head no, but Mia still talks. And Mia goes she stole Rudy's hat and she says, I saw Jessica wearing that hat, and I asked where she got it, and Jessica said she stole it from some fat slob who was stinking up a park bench. That's her quote that Jessica said she knew that she was one of the people who beat up her brother. So now we cut to Kenny, who's being interrogated as well.
I mean, they should talk, said Dolores from Jersey about slab because she didn't like that being called a slab either.
Oh, she did not like being called a slob, which I agree that it's it's honestly the wrong word.
She should have just said bitch.
But so then we cut to Kenny who's in his interrogation and he says they kicked Rudy so bad they put him in the hospital.
It cost him his job.
And he's like, damn right, it was time for payback and Stabler goes, so you grabbed her, beat her and cut her. He tells them Rudy's hand has gangreen under the bandages because of his diabetes. The doctor had to cut off three of his fingers. I wanted her to suffer like he did. And they're like, why did you sexually assault her? And he goes, she called my sister a pig and said pig should never be allowed to breed.
So this girl's got a mouth on her. Now.
Little baby Jessica is in the woodblind's room and she's like, I would never say that.
I don't even wear baseball caps. I don't even know any of these Brixton kids. And they're like, well, they know.
You, and Sabler says, and she's like, yeah, because they kidnap me, tortured me, and you're treating me like it's my fault. And then in walks mister Cindy Lauper aka David Thornton, who plays defense attorney Lionel Granger, and we know when he walks in there's money involved.
He's only working for the richie riches.
And he ends the interview, of course, but they're like, we're questioning her about an assault, and Granger is like, oh, is there a police report for this assault?
Is there an er report about this assault? It didn't happen.
Why don't you do your jobs and go charge the little sorry, large bastards who ruin this girl's life.
So yeah, like disgusting.
Attorneys are making fat jokes and it's not cool, but I think they're trying to paint a picture here about how people are flippant about this kind of thing.
And the next scene, you.
Know, because you said that that was hot dog size, Now I do want a hot dog.
I know you want an all beef dog.
I know I'm sensitive to suggestion.
Well I didn't eat anything. Well, I also got this macha cake. I gotta stop thinking outside the box. I don't I don't want these things.
You have a couple of safe foods. That's what the Arphin girl has told me. Safe. How is the arfin rosy uh saga going?
Yesterday she tried a carrot that had been seasoned in my dinner, and we didn't tell her it was a carrot.
She just wanted to bite.
She goes, oh, it's good, and I was like, you just ate a carrot, bitch, Like she would die if I told her she ate a carrot. So and now I'm like, maybe, like soon we're just going to start making blue aprons and just being like, this is dinner, eat it like and if she doesn't, you know, I don't know, well, obviously we'll luc have to offer safe foods at the same time.
That's part of it.
So Oscar eats everything off my fucking plate like he's he's adventurous. But in the next scene, Novak is there and she's like, dude, he's right, I've got nothing on the Rudy assault, and I've got everything on Jessica's assault.
To put those kids on trial. She's like, Rudy's a grown man. He didn't report his assault.
Even if he did, it's not an SVU case, and Craigan says, type up your d D fives and move on. So the next scene, Lucius is bringing in some paperwork to Craigan on Jessica and is like, okay, what's my next assignment? And Craigan gets a call. They turn on the TV and Assemblyman Molina is there talking to New York One while a protest is going down about how NYPD finds the attacker of the white girl but not the person of color who nearly gets beaten to death.
So Craigan is like, all right, I'm right on top of that. Rose hangs up the phone and there's some kind of suit at one PP was on the phone, and obviously they're back on this case because it's political, and never mind, Rudy is an SVW case now, So cut.
To the protest.
Molina's talking to a crowd outside the Bixton's building and taunting Stabler, and Luciah says they arrive. So to Lucius, he's like, congrats on investigating a three week old crime, and he goes, we investigate crimes that are reported to us, and then Stabler's like, what's your two connection, and he's like, we grew up on the same block. So Lucius knows the us I'm woyman. So now Rudy is telling them his story. He's like, I was on my way home from work. I stopped for a minute. I felt I
must have fallen asleep on the bench. Next thing I know, two people are beating me up, calling me fat scum, saying get your fat ass out of this park. And I'm not sure I would recognize them again. I was protecting my head. I couldn't see through the blood. And he heard one say get a picture. He saw a flash and then they left, and he said, and they took my cap to and they're like, why didn't you report? And he's like, you don't understand, and Lucius says, yeah,
I don't. Why would you let like Lucius is being a dick to this kid who's a fucking victim. Lucius goes, yeah, I don't understand. Why would you let your little siblings fight your fight? Why are they in jail but the people who attack you are free? He goes, because I got so damn fat I let children beat me. So he was obviously have a lot of shame surrounding his attack and that's why he didn't report.
So there is no name they know as SVU detectives.
Yes, yeah, exactly, there's we got nothing on Rudy's assault, Like there's no security cam footage, there's no forensics. Maybe the picture is on Jessica's phone. So then Finn walks in to say if it was, it's not there anymore because Mia checked the phone and said it wasn't there. And now the phone is at the bottom of the East River because that's where Mia and her brother threw it after they checked for the picture. The phone record show that Jessica made a lot of calls before and
after the attack on Rudy. One was to Tommy the weirdo from the hospital, and the other one is to an Internet sign on page and maybe she was emailing something like a photo. Computer Crimes is already on it. Uh oh, do you smell what I smell? Another Benson cameo at Computer Crimes. This guy's like, oh yeah, our newest recruits. Sweet talked to Warren out of a judge
and you know that's fucking Benson. And there she is hiding that bump behind a huge two thousands computer monitor, and there she's like, yep, we got our ISP, which took them straight to some website that's password only, Like these are for websites that we usually only see with jihattists or like with child sex abuse images. And the site is called scratch your Itch dot Net, which, if you've seen our live show.
One of a favorite of karas I would say it is.
But I didn't know what it was, like I think I forgot. I thought scratcherr itch dot net was like a fucking hookup site, scratch your itch, like just go get a quick, get a quick piece of ass, and then move on. Like I thought it was one of those anonymous quickie type websites, because if you've seen our live show, we do do a compilation of all of svu's best websites, and so I thought this was a site for fucking but no, it's a group of people to post about other groups of people that they hate.
And I was like, I didn't realize that.
Maybe I'll take it out of the slideshow if we ever do it again. But Anthony Anderson says like eight slurs in a row, and Olivia says that like slurs for gay people, black people, overweight people, you know, like everything, and Olivia says, overweight people are a special favorite on this site.
There's even threads about how to get.
Rid of them, and in the thread there's a post about here's another way to get rid of them, and it shows them attacking Rudy and he's getting beat up by Tommy Strahan and the video was taken with Jessica's cell phone. So they go to the high school. They arrest Tommy and he's like at first, like he's so
hold in march. He goes, how can I help you detectives, and then they arrest him, and Jessica's there too, and they arrest her and he tells his friend Luke, call my dad, I need a lawyer, and Luke is like world star and just films the whole thing on a fucking Pom Pilot or some.
Really old phone.
But that is they do linger on it for a really long time and it is important later. So now we're at the precinct and there's a lineup of white teen girls.
Which we don't get often.
We really don't get a lot of like young white ladies being lined up to get picked out, and Rudy cannot pick her out of the lineup, but then he immediately I can barely pick her out as Ruoney Mara. I don't think she looks like herself, but anyway, he immediately picks Tommy out of the lineup of white teen boys, and Tommy says, I don't even know who that person is, and in walks Granger again, and he's like, you've gotten he ideed my client because it was on the news.
We cut the footage from New York One, which is like New York's local station of Tommy's arrest being taken on his friend's palm pilot. That item was broadcast thirty minutes before the ID, so you have no proof that he saw it, but you have no proof.
That he didn't.
The idea will be tainted and a judge won't allow it, which is really wild that that high school kid got that footage to New York won that quickly. What about the picture from the website? They're like, well, you can't really tell who he is, and like, my client was playing poker at a friend's house that night. You guys have nothing like basically saying, obviously, this rich kid's going to have friends back him up and say he has an alibi for the time of the attack. So now
Lucius and Stabler are like brainstorming. They're like, maybe we can get the eightya to use the photo to get a warrant for Tommy's house. But then they stop talking when Rudy comes up. They see him and they're like, yes, sorry, we had to let both of them go, like you did an idea the girl and then there wasn't enough evidence to hold Tommy. And Rudy's like, oh, he must have had a good lawyer, and they say, sorry, we wish you'd forward in the first place, like still kind
of victim blaming. And then Rudy says, yeah, me too, and wheels away. But we've just seen him clock Tommy leaving with his lawyers, so obviously something bad is about
to happen. So Stabler and Lucius are chatting when we hear hey, hey, I'm talking to you, and it's Rudy calling to Tommy, and then he pulls out a gun and says remember me, and he shoots Tommy right in the chest and blood splatters all over Granger, and I will say, it's kind of satisfying for like a millisecond to see Granger like off his guard, like he because he's so confident and smarmy all the time, and now he's covered in his client's blood and.
He's like, fuck and I do like that. He's gonna have to like book a therapy appointment for that. So they I don't think.
He's probably like, oh this, I just got this suit, you know. So they tell him to drop it. They scream call a bus, and then you know, we got we got fade to black. And now Novak at the top of AAC four is like, how the hell did this kid get a gun into a police building with the security And they're like, nobody ought to search a guy in a wheelchair, and so they're like, well, what do we do now, Craigan says, keep digging.
Lucius is like, these two psycles are the ones who.
Started this whole thing talking about Tommy and Jessica. Novak is like, okay, but they've been punished, like she was raped and mutilated and Tommy is dead. So that's how we find out that Tommy is actually he's fully dead. There was no point really in calling the bus. They took the law into their own hands though, these kids and now in walks Assemblyman Molina and he's like, you're gonna plead Rudy out right, and Novak is like, no, I'm going to try him for murder. And Molina's like, well,
he saw the man who brutalized him walk free. He acted out of rage and despair. Novak's like, well, the defense will definitely try that, but you're not going to bully me into a deal. And Molina's like, no, he's just one victim in an epidemic. And he starts talking about obesity and type two diabetes, race class and geography. He says, all guaranteed that Rudy would be obese and would be put on that park bench to get attacked. And Novak's like, a judge's not going to let you
use a health issue as a smokescreen. And then Molina comes in with the stats. He's like, forty one hundred people are diagnosed with diabetes every day, every day, fifty five go blind, one hundred and twenty and get kidney failure, two hundred and thirty have a limp amputated. And that's every day. And this was in two thousand and six. I don't know if things have improved or not. Novak says, it's got nothing to do with the case. But Molina says he's the case and by the time he's told
his story, no jury will convict him. Now we're at trial, Rudy is on the sambying, questioned by his defense attorney Serena Waldron. Who is none other than Natalie Cole, a fucking legend of music?
The daughter that's a double take, I got, No, that's not that's camp.
Yes, I don't know that is her, though I know it's her, So what is yeah, rest in peace, unforgettable, the daughter of Matt King Cole, Like, I mean, a musical legend and she's only in one SVU and this is it? And she asks him how much does he weigh? He says three twenty. He says he's always been heavy. Most of his family is big, and that his favorite food as a kid was Snippy snowflakes and he loves
Snippy because it was his favorite cartoon character. And the toys were in the cereal box and he's like, my mom had to work, so TV was our babysitter. Casey objects like, are we getting a rundown of every meal? This dude's ever eaten? And Natalie Cole is like, I'm trying to illustrate how hard it is to teach a kid to eat responsibly, especially when the teacher is the
TV that is purposely selling these kids garbage. And Casey says, your honor, she is testifying, which we've heard before, and the judge orders the jury you have to ignore those statements. I don't know how they could forget it. But he says, my mom didn't cook. She was too tired for working two jobs. So we would go out for burgers, get fried chicken, order pizza, and eat in front of the TV.
Rudy can also like the actor's doing a really good job, like he can barely breathe as he's testifying, like he's taking deep breasts and like, you know, it's labored breathing. And he says, after he was diagnosed with diabetes, he went to a clinic and he was doing great. He lost fifty pounds, he got his blood sugar regulated. But then the clinic closed because they were sending too much money to cigarette sting operations. The hospital couldn't afford it.
Insurance company said it was too much money. He doesn't have health insurance at the moment, so it's like he is a good example of how really our healthcare system is failing him as well. And she asks him why did you shoot Tommy? And he goes, I was so mad. I was blind with rage because of what he did to me and my family, and he was gonna walk away. She's like, are you sorry, and he goes, yes, I'm
sorry for what I did. Now it's Casey's turn. She starts out soft, like, whoa, that's a really sad story, and then she morphs into full pit bull mode.
You know.
She goes through the events. She's like, this is what happened, and then this, and then this.
And he must you must have known the kid was gonna walk, and that's why you brought a gun because you can't really like he went in for a lineup. He brought the gun no matter what. Casey was smart to catch that, and he says that's right. She's like, how did you know he was gonna walk? And she's and she goes, you didn't know you were gonna shoot him no matter what. Right, So she goes, you weren't blind with rage, you planned it. You aren't sorry, are you?
Are you?
And he goes, no, I'm glad he's dead, and I do it again. Novax right, so he gets to say his piece, but Novak's gonna win this case. At this moment, Casey walks into the precinct deflated. She's like, I'm not proud of what I had to do. She's like, I go to the gentle giant until he snaps, and then Lucius says, Finn found the Bronx Gators baseball cap. Jessica is wearing it in a photo taken from the security cameras at Coreta Scott king Hi the day that she
showed up for that concert practice. And then suddenly Benson's there and is like, uh, I've got some more dirt on Jessica. I've been following her online. She's obsessed with wait and she hasn't been at that fancy high school for long. She's been in some very interesting places, which is what Benson says, why cause it's just some weird way to say. It's a funny way to say it
to me and what they're getting to. So cut to Lucius bringing Missus Joaquin Phoenix into interrogation where Stabler is waiting, and she says, shouldn't I have my lawyer?
Here and they're like, no, girl, it's chill. We just have some questions.
And it's like, Sabler, you're now doing just what Lucius was doing. Her saying should I have my lawyer here? Is like the same thing as like can I have my lawyer here? And like they're basically like, no, girl, you're good anyway. They're like, you said you never wore that hat, but here it is, and they slap down a picture of her, clear as day. Coreta Scott King Hi has got the high def security camera's baby. She is picture perfect wearing it. It is her, it is
her face. She claims, oh I found that hat. It's like, but bitch, you told us you didn't wear you didn't wear baseball caps, so what's up? She says, you can't keep me here, and she gets up to leave. And I'm just noticing that Lucius is sitting right behind her dangerous mind style, So that is very funny to me.
And do people sit dangerous mind style anymore?
I don't see it. I don't think I see that out in the wild very much. But maybe, but I don't know. It feels like now everywhere you a place where you would sit dangerous mind style, like a burger joint or something. I feel like all the chairs are bolted down now you like can't turn them around.
But anyway, what he used to do at burger spots, well.
I feel like it's always like a diner, Like it's always like the max On saved by the bell, Like yeah, it always takes it.
And turns it around. But I feel like now everything's kind of I.
Don't Michelle, I forf yes, absolutely, that's where of course dangerous minds.
But if I'm.
If I looking in the hall of dangerous minds, poses Sabler goes, you hate fat people, don't you, And she goes, no, I don't mind them. It's a really weird way to answer it. And Lucius is like, what about me, I'm
kind of heavy? Do I disgust you? And then they try to bait her, and Stabler's like, people can't help being black or gay, but fat, that's their fault, right, And then Lucius is like, yeah, they have no pride, no self control, and Lucia says, check this one out, and he goes, check out this heifer, and he slaps down a picture of Jessica age fourteen, that is Rouney Mara photoshop to be much larger, and then another one of her at fifteen and they're like two hundred thirty pounds.
It's like insane the way that this episode is going, Like she's.
A formerly overweight.
Person who is now self hating and hates people that are overweight, Like, I don't know, Like, but.
It's so is a bad person.
Yes, yes, so they confront her, but also she deserves of her finger and not be sodomized.
This is very a twisted take sure.
It's a twist, yes, for sure, for sure, Like and they're like, this is from your yearbook at Hidden Glades Ranch in California, a very exclusive school for very heavy teens. Like I just think it's so wild the way they're like gotchaying this girl who like are like, you used to be heavy, And then they're like that place gave you lots of good diet, lots of exercise, trict supervision.
And she's like, why are you doing this?
And Luci's just like and here's the final result, a beautiful young girl who hates fat people, but got shea used to be on her style and then she breaks down and screams, you don't know what it's like people staring at you. Everybody you eat the jokes you're a leper. And they're like, is that how you saw Rudy? Is that why you attacked him? And she said Tommy started it, but yes, I couldn't stand the sight of him. She admits, Okay,
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. But it's like you're not sorry, bitch, like you have these feelings. And Olivia is looking through the glass with Casey, who says I'll take Like Who's like, you're gonna take this to the defense, right, and Casey's like, yes, but it won't help Rudy much, Casey says, but Benson says, well, some of Jessica's money might have helped him, and Casey says, like, they say you can never be too rich or tooth thin.
I don't know why she says that.
Quote, because you can definitely be too thin, right, you can die from being too thin.
But anyway, Yeah, there's a whole movie called Thinner, and we interviewed the actor from ITTT Thank you.
Yeah, so, Robert John Burke. If you're wondering that's true, Ducker, he was embarrassed when I brought it up.
I remember being like I loved the thicker a thinner and I scared the shit out of me. Even the commercial terrified me as a child. And he was like, can we please not talk like he was like, God, not thinner.
Who knows if that even made the interview. He goes, I was really excited, but geez, I don't know. It's like it is a cool Stephen King movie. But we cut the court and the jury is there and they're ready to They're like, sorry to interrupt, jog it.
And remember Jonathan Silverman when I was like, how is it to do Beethoven three?
I love it at them holes and he was like, oh Jesus, you know we.
Weren't working talking about yeah, we needed a pay for stuff.
Like He's like, I got a mortgage. But god, it's so funny.
But I think it's it's like people are gonna like some of the bad stuff you make. You should just embrace all of it, you know. But in court, the foreman comes out. Unfortunately they find Rudy guilty. But when they pan over to him, he is not at the defense table. No one knows where he is. At the precinct, Lucius is packing up his desk because you know, he's been at SVU for five minutes and he's got a lot of knick knacks he's got to take home in
his little paper box. And he tells it's like, but also, how does it feel to be used as a punishment for others? Like, you know, like they're like, listen, you're gonna go to the Manhattansview because there's a guy who's being a bad boy. So we're gonna show him what it's really Yeah, we got a hot head. Yeah, we need you to teach him at and it's gonna only just be a couple of weeks. Don't get too comfortable.
But he was there going what's my next assignment? But I don't think he knew it was coming, but you know, he tells Sabler, Yeah, Rudy was rushed to the hospital. He had kidney failure and his left foot was amputated. So the guilty verdict is kind of irrelevant when he has a death sentence anyway, Lucia says, and then he's like, uh.
Sabler goes, oh, are you leaving? And Lucius goes, yep.
Captain says to close the case and move on, and he goes to shake Sabler's hand and goes, well, I won't say it was a pleasure, and Sablor goes take care. And then Stabler gazes at the empty desk that Olivia usually sits in, which is empty once again. Because the episode starts out, I feel like I keep losing people. And even though he hated this guy Lucius, he's out of his life now too.
And that's dick wolf baby. Yeah, so funny.
Sorry, this episode is so fucking crazy and wild and I but let's we have some controversy about this episode to tell you as well. Oh yeah, obviously he did not get Runey to be a guest on the podcast Today.
But she has spoken.
About this, okay, so Rooney Mara. She was quoted in Allure magazine interview talking shit about this episode and she called it. In quote she said, it's so awful, so stupid. She complained to the magazine. And this is reported on from the Today Show. People are obsessed with that show. I don't get it. In the episode, me and my boyfriend, although I don't look old enough to have a boyfriend, went and beat up these fat people. And at the end of the show you find out that I used
to be obese, and I hate fat people. It's ridiculous. Who would ever do that? Who would beat someone up because they're fat? And as retribution they sodomized her. I mean, I've been sodomized since the beginning of my career. I should have known then it would have come full circle. And that's obviously about you know, girl on the train. What is it with the tattoos?
Girl with a dragon tattoo?
Yeah, thank you, Sorry to have combined it with the train, but there's a girl on the train.
Though.
The Girl on the Train is an Emily Blunt movie.
Yes, oh okay, it's same genre, dark dark, distressed a mission, Yes, okay. So she said that, which but then on Perez Hilton she's quoted.
Well, the New York Post picked it up, you know, obviously splashed it around, and then she was getting some shit for like why are you talking shit about a show that gave you a job or whatever, And so she responded, she.
Said, first of all, the SVU think that's just not true, but you said it. I mean, it is a quote, like I don't I don't know how a lure could have like twist misses strewed. Yeah, so but I don't know how she's denying it, but she does. She has quoted in this Paris Hilton post from like twenty eleven, that was my first job. It couldn't have been more exciting for me. It's an experience I hold very dear to my heart. People take things out of context, and
that's just not the case. I was more nervous doing that job than I was doing this job. It's really silly people, especially with young girls, they feel they need to make them out to be a certain way. And I feel so grateful for any job I've ever gotten. I feel grateful. Yeah, yeah, I don't.
Really don't want to keep doing that.
But she said every single job has shaped who she is and led me to where I am now. It's hard to have to talk about yourself all the time and things are out of context. And whatever that quote was, I don't know, but it's certainly not what I meant. If anything, I didn't mean that the I didn't mean that the storyline was ridiculous. I meant that humanity is ridiculous. Okay, I mean that's an f l P.
Hating people that are larger is stupid, is what she I guess is like, how she's spinning it, but yeah, I want I think it also sounds like she doesn't get us view and is like, I mean, who would do that? It's like, I don't have you seen somebody else?
There's more wait, hold.
On, Okay, So she goes, I meant that humanity is ridiculous, and then she goes, I know that Law and Order makes their episodes out of real things that are happening in the city. So to me, by ridiculous, I meant that humanity is ridiculous. People are awful to one anout of there, and to me, I find it ridiculous.
All right, Rooney Mara, everybody, she has spoken and she enjoyed her time.
So there there you go. You buy an interviewer. We got it out of a lure?
Or is this billionaire pr I mean? Or did she really mean that? Who fucking knows?
Because that's good. That's fucking good.
So we're gonna move on, obviously, And it's a great day here in the SVU studios.
Ak, that's messed up studios.
Not a murderer or a rape, not a not a violent crime in sight. So that's like pretty incredible, and it's kind of like what Rooney Marras said, they're using things from around the city, and this did happen in New York City and you know a lot of Meanwhile, just to clarify, I'm sure that people absolutely have been attacked for being heavy and that people have done that. There just isn't like a clear case that we could find that this was based on.
Oh yeah, I'm sure lots of crimes happen, but this just happens to be like around the you know, this is it's like a big thing in the city, and then it got national attention because it is silly. And then obviously the New York Posts had like a rude headline. You know, they came through how they should. So this is story basically about two teens versus McDonald's, which famously I do love McDonald's. Your husband once said that's his
favorite thing about me is that I love McDonald's. But you lived so close to one too, so that's like pretty lovely. But yeah, I love it. And they have inside out too toys right now, just so you know.
Yeah, I'm dying for McDonald's to get the mcplant going at all their places.
I think that they're not going to wait, did I talk about this? If I have, you can stop me. I went through the McDonald's drive through just for a diet coke and an inside out toy.
Okay, that's what I wanted, so yeah.
And then I pull up to the window and she hands the drink and I'm looking at it weird. I don't get I don't know what's weird, but something is weird. And she goes, oh, sorry, we're out of ice. I go, you're out of ice. It's the two ingredients I need in this concoc Like. I like the shake, Like that's what I'm here for.
Like what?
And I go, I get if I got other food, but I only came.
To get this. It seems wild not to tell me. So she gave me two toys, but that is well. I do that all the time.
If I'm hungover, I go through McDonald's drive through for a fry and a big ass fountain coke.
I love that.
This is like full deja vous, where we've had this conversation eighteen hundred times, like I don't know, like that way, I feel like I've been here. I've been sitting here, which means we didn't even have it that long. Ago because it all seems familiar to me. But yeah, I'm a big McDonald's fan. I don't know what to say, but I know the harms associated with eating it, you know what I mean? Like, I don't think it's healthy. And that's kind of how we you know, why this
we stumble onto this? So two teens? Did I already say their names? No, Yaslin brad not even one back. Get I just went on a monologue how I love McDonald this giant corporation. Okay, Jaslin Bradley and Ashley Pellman contended that they became obese while frequenting to McDonald's.
In the Bronx.
They basically claimed that McDonald's did not provide sufficient information about the health risk linked to its meals. Jaslin loved to supersize her meals, and she did a m This was before supersize me because then there was no more of that. They really shut that down, But I wonder if they just made everything bigger.
Anyways.
Anyways, Okay, and he just passed away recently? Oh really, Morgan Spring Yeah, like like two weeks ago.
Yeah, I mean McDonald's is that movie was huge? Yeah? Why you didn't see it?
No?
That's so wild, and as a vegetarian, I find that strange to you. I feel like I would have. I just never got a chance.
It seemed like, well I was also really young, so maybe things did exist like I but when I saw it, I was like, oh, first of its kind. This doc just like blew the lid. He put his body through this thing. I don't know, it seemed like.
Yeah, no, for sure, I would say bockative at the time.
If you think about like a documentarian that people know who that is, it's like Michael Moore and Morgan's Burtlock like name brand, you know, like he name brand.
You know. It was huge. It was a huge doc.
Yeah, I can't believe you didn't. But I guess maybe you're ready not really associated with MCDI yeah, yeah, But I wonder what the hold up is for the plants, like what.
Because they released it in LA at a couple of places, but they were like in Long Beach.
They were so far away, and I was like, what's going on? But I don't know.
Maybe the impossibles like not even making Burger King money. But I'll tell you, I go to Burger King Moore because I can get impossible burgers.
There, even though I like the fries better at McDonald's. Oh, but it is exclusive. Yeah.
The mic plant was discontinued in twenty twenty two, so I don't think there's.
Going to be They're not even doing it.
Yeah, they were doing some try, but I I think it's happening at all.
It's weird because they probably can't use impossible maybe beyond's not good or like they can't make, but food scientists can do anything like I don't.
Yeah, it's confusing for sure. Yeah.
Do you remember they had those salads in a shaker cup with like the dome lid. Yes, I miss I was too young to'll be like, oh I want that, but right now, like I would love a shaker salad, are you out? Like I can't even imagine. I'd be so happy. Yeah, yeah, a little salad on the go in a content like I would love to shake that cup of salad.
All right, tell me about these girls.
So Jaslyne she did a McMuffin in the morning and then a big macmeal with an apple pie in the evening, which the New York Times called the standard operating procedure. And then Ashley Pellman was more of a happy meal girl because she really liked the prizes, and they were around nineteen and fourteen during this time, Like obviously the lawsuit lasted longer so around this So then the two teens decided to sue McDonald's corporate and the two Bronx franchises.
Their lawyer, Samuel Hirsch, took this case on with the desire then to make it a class action for all children under the age of eighteen in NYC who have had health problems from McDonald's. And he like this was his passion, Like he was very into this. He had other kids, like he really wanted this. Wow, he was he just like was anti McDonald's fast food and tried to get kids that like didn't have the knowledge. And he's just like passionate. But of course, like, honey, it's America.
We're run by corporate you know what I mean, what are you talking about? Like, I feel cigarettes, it took decades to get any sort of movement. Now it's pretty you know, commercials, none of that anyways, So and then the company's lawyers are like are you kidding me? They're like everyone knows what it means to eat a fries. They're like, no, one is confused what we're doing here.
But Bradley's father, Israel, said he never saw any nutritional info or ingredients at the restaurant, and in an AffA David, he wrote, in quotes, I always believe McDonald's was healthy for my children.
Wow.
So then hersh's like, hello, they spend a billion dollars in advertising two kids in quotes, young individuals are not in a position to make a choice after the onslaught of advertising and promotions that is in the New York Times.
And then the McDonald's spokesperson.
Walk Riiker went too far, I think, and he said, no one cares more about kids than McDonald's.
It seems insane, it is, it really is.
So that's you know, but I bet you the NFL has been like, no one cares more about our players than the NFL.
It's like you, no, like they're all at the all FCT.
Yeah, no one cares more about kids than McDonald's. Okay, So Riker claims that McDonald's makes nutritional info known on the website, brochures and posters, and then the New York Times, though at the time at this time did visit for the article. One of these locations on Bruckner Boulevard, and which was one of the two named in the lawsuit, and so, and then the listing of ingredients in the
food could not be found at all. And then the other location, by the way, if you want to make a pilgrimage, is twenty six thirty Jerome Avenue.
So that's that.
And then January twenty second, two thousand and three, a Manhattan judge he threw this all out.
He was like, are you out of your mind? Yeah?
I mean he he was like, come on, and he declared people are responsible for what they eat, and that the teenager's complaints could spawn thousands of mclawsuits in quote if they are upheld.
So the judge, Robert W.
Sweet He wrote that there can't be legal consequences to hamburger consumption unless the consumers are unaware of the dangers of eating such food. He said he dismissed the suit because plaintiffs they failed to show that McDonald's engaged in deceptive practices and that the consumers had inadequate access to information about McDonald's products. And so his comparison is to asbestos. He's like, nobody knew the dangers of asbesos until decades later.
That's a different than burger and fries have fat in it.
Yeah.
So and at the end of the day, the problem is more that our government allows us to eat poison.
Like that's what I mean.
The bigger problem is why are we eating bad things with bad Like other countries have better food laws, yes, and they also have McDonald's, but they're not suffering the same problems as us.
Yeah, And.
Like it's a similar thing with like high fructose corn syrup, like other countries don't use that, Like but.
I don't know.
It's like everybody, Yes, everybody knows a brogram for ies have fat. But it's almost like there's so many things that are up there that are like, hey, alcohol, if you're pregnant, alcohol is bad for your baby. It's like why would we not do something like that, Like that's all kinds of places. There's like elevators and shit where it will just say like by the way, this premises might have X like chemical and if you're pregnant, that's
not great for it. Like that shit's everywhere, So I don't know why it would There wouldn't be like disclaimers that are.
Like they do calories.
Now, yes, now they do calories, but it's like eating this once in a while or once a week is not even that bad once, but doing it as your meal every day, that was like what Morgan Spurlock was trying to prove. It's like the consumption of it as your constant full men, like full diet is what's also bad, you know.
But I also understand, like if you're a teen who wasn't taught it, like if you just don't know and your parents don't know, then you don't know.
And I think it's hard for people to grasp that. I went to college and I was not drinking a drop of water. I was drinking Snapple raspberry Snapple iced teas six a day. Maybe like I should not have been doing that, Like nobody told me, like, oh, by the way, drinking.
Juice, like basically juice.
It was like equivalent is like so sugary, that's so bad for you. And then finally, like when I figured it out, I was like, oh fuck, I should just be having like one of these.
A day, maybe, you know, Like it's just you just don't always know.
And I don't think in general, our education system talks enough about like nutrition and health because the food pyramid we've talked about this is like bullshit too, right.
Well, I think they've I think they've admitted that. I think they said, whoopsie, maybe not eleven servings of bread a day.
Right, bread and dairy on the bottom, bitch, damn.
I mean, it's so interesting being a kid because we took a field trip to the local grocery store, jewel, what's up the time of my life? Like I truly remember that field trip being like amazing, so just cute. Okay, yeah, So but this judge was eighty and he had a lot of zingers, and so the New York Times is like, you know, he was around before McDonald's was ever a big part of the culture, so he just wasn't having it like very I mean, he's eighty, we I don't know.
So he at one point called McNuggets he goes are a Mcfrankenstein creation of various elements not utilized by the home cook.
And I kind of like that.
And then others, like several other suits began to pop up during this time, but this one actually made it the furthest in the court system of any others, which and then it was thrown out and then after this case, now at least twenty six states have common sense consumption laws. And again it's like we're protecting these corporations, which I do think is bad and I think our quality of food should be better and we should have Europe's laws of like chemicals and bad stuff. And then it's also
known as the cheeseburger law. So and this is only made me want McDonald's. So that's kind of tough for everybody.
Guess I know where you're going right now?
No, no, no, no, you know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna hit up that ten dollars Noki. I think, yes, baby, all right.
Well, sorry to tell.
I feel like I keep giving clues to where I live and I have to stop, like people are gonna zero in on what's going on.
I don't think.
Everybody's gonna track you down via ten dollars, Joki. That would be crazy. There's gotta be a few places in the city that offer that. But that was a great thank you for telling us about that lawsuit. I knew about the hot coffee lawsuit, but I don't know if I knew that anybody had ever done it. For the actual food.
Well, the hot Coffee one. There's a whole doc about about it, and it's actually like the girls got fucked over huge. Sorry I didn't cover that. I really didn't. You know, it's like that's the same. Yeah, But let's get into our post mortem. No guests today, baby, just more of our thoughts.
All right, let's.
Get into our post mortem for this episode.
I mean it is lucky we're doing back to back. Really, I mean she did to get assaulted. I was like, you know, from Shadow to Fat or really on a fun roll.
But there's brutal crimes, there's zaf yes, but it is wild.
Uh.
And that the reveal at the end of this episode is truly insane, Like just the doctrine photos of Rooney Mara from her specialty obesity school that she was hidden away at is insane.
Uh.
But but it does sound she'll never be able to play piano. I don't think again like her the fingers are sure sure? I mean, wait, have you other sen I probably have brought it up on this fucking podcast.
I really gotta get a memory in a life.
But do you know that Allison Williams movie with the violin, the cello and oh, yeah.
I saw a commercial for it and I couldn't watch it. Okay, no, no crazy. In the commercial there's something moving underneath the skin, and that's a deal breaker for me, Like anything that's like wiggling underneath your skin.
I can't.
I cannot watch it, Like it makes me want to die. The Perfectation, that's cool, Yeah, the perfect Perfection. Yeah, she would be good for cinematrix. Sorry, yeah, I mean she's a little scream queen herself, to be honest.
Wait, guess who's in that. Guess who's in The Perfection? Friend of the Pod, Stephen Weber. Oh so maybe, I mean step It's a crazy movie, but I get the I get the like maggot skin.
There's another thing.
Is it insidious where there's bugs crawling in a face?
Or is it just a well there's a there's something like that and long legs. I close my eyes. But bug movie, Yeah, two thousand and six, I remember. Yeah, hmm, Well, I was gonna say there was a preview for another movie that's.
Very M Threegan as I call it.
That's from the same producers, I believe as M Threegan about like Ai and like Alexa kind of like coming, like coming alive and it looks creepy and oh.
There's a movie. Hold on, We're going to get into the post mortem of this. Hold on. Have you heard of this movie?
It's got Demi Moore and Margaret Qually and it's called The Substance No Never, And it looks freaky and like right up our alley, Like, I think we're gonna have to see it. And when you see Long Legs, I bet it will play as a preview. But I had seen just like a post about it on Instagram and read the little blurb and was like.
Oh, this is this is good. This is good.
It's like about it's like about, oh it's coming out on my birthday, it's coming out on September twentieth. But it's like about women and aging and stuff like that. Do you want me to read the log line?
A fading celebrity decides to use a black market drug, a cell replicating substance that temporarily creates a younger, better version of herself.
That doesn't sound like a good idea at all. No, But the movie looks. No, the movie looks incredible.
But it's like, yeah, if you're creating a younger version of yourself, it will attack you. I'm making leaps, but yeah, it's never science will attack you. Yeah yeah, yeah, wait this looks so good.
Okay, yeah, I'm like subsence. That's on my fall list.
You know, she's she's a NEPO that really keeps it, keeps it, has it going on?
Is that something to say? Yeah?
And I like, I do like a NEPO that uh has a different last name. I think a lot of people don't know, don't even know, you know, well those who know, no, that's yeah. I mean you know, look, you're a Maaya hawk. Jack Quaid also came forward and said, I'm a NEPO. I didn't know Dennis Quaid was right wing.
I just found that out. I just like him, like he was so inner space, like he was so cute young, and now he's like an old guy married he's been married four times, but he's like, this one's the one, the the one that's the age of your children is the one.
Uh. And then I and then when.
That ad he was in a movie that had an add on for at the Long Legs and Jared just lean over goes you know he's right wing, and I was like, I didn't know that I wish I didn't.
Know, But anyway, this episode is wild. I don't know.
There's no lessons here in this episode. Don't be mad at people who are overweight, don't be mad at people who have brown hair. I mean it's like there's you can't hate people for for no fucking reason. It's like that's the that's the moral of this episode.
I don't know.
Well, and stop projecting, you know. Yeah, it's like these are your own issues. Let these people live. It's like you think this guy has it too good. He's missing a foot, you know what I mean, like, leave him alone. I don't I don't understand attacking someone that's like it struggling, Yeah, already struggling. If you want to go pick on some don't pick on anyone. But if you're gonna pick on someone, make sure they have everything going for them first.
Yeah, exactly.
And I'm glad they got the footage of her stealing that hack, cause she was trying to act like such a little such a little cutie.
Well, you know, I was singing while we were talking about the right wing. There was like a comic once and he goes, you know, if Handmaid's tail was real, like I wonder if i'd be a good guy.
I've told you about this, and then I.
Was like, you absolutely would not, And he was shocked by this answer, and I'm like, you would not put your life on the line for women's rights, Like, stop pretending you would fight the system.
And I kind of want to message him now and be.
Like, you know, it's time to start your handmaiden's tale, good guy journey, babe, right right?
Are you time to really stand up?
Like I kind of want to, you know, message him, be like, you know, time is about to start kicking for you to really prove what.
A total what a guy you are.
You know you gotta help your Yeah, he married someone that was I think twenty five years younger than him. Oh baby, and then we do jokes about her acting crazy and it's like, oh, you don't relate to this girl.
Oh she's acting immature. Interesting?
Yeah yeah, yeah interesting? Oh who could have called that interesting?
Oh?
Also, update to my gay husband, he wrote, and I'll iron our clothes and bags, so you know.
There will not be a crinkled tell far strap to be found in that home.
There will not there will not.
Every there will be a full telfar closet in that home with separate sides his and hers tell far sides of the closet, because that would be America that I want to live in. We do have so many telfars between us. I would say, you sure do, you sure do, but I'm on a freeze.
I'm on a freeze.
Well, now that we know also that that little Liberty uh, the Liberty mascot carries a little tell far I mean it so cute bait.
Well, yeah, little for little to her proportions.
Okay, let's move on to our what would Sister Peg do for this week? That's our weekly segment where we direct you towards an organization, an article, a book, something to give you more info about.
What we talked about today.
And today we wanted to point you to a page on World Obesity dot org that covers ending weight stigma. Weight stigma refers to the discriminatory acts and ideologies targeted towards individuals because of their weight and size, and it is the result of weight bias. There are so many latent, stigmatizing beliefs about people with obesit that you can have weight bias without even realizing it. And this page lays out a lot of those untrue stereotypes and what drives
that stigma. It's also a resource on how to tackle weight stigma in personal relationships and in the workplace. So for more info on that, you can head over to Worldobesity dot org or as usual, we will link to this in the story on our page on our Instagram page that comes out that day That's Messed Up pod, and it will be saved forever in our WWSPD highlight also on that Instagram page, which I hope you're following.
It, sure fucking will.
And next week we will be doing parasites from season two, episode nineteen, So enjoy that, babies. We'll see you next week. Give us some stars, keep living your lives, make good choices, and may good memories. We might not be able to make more, so yeah, make some memories.
We need signing off from the American Democratic Republic of the United States before it's over.
Oh my god, I just can't believe this is happening.
Bye.
No, hopefully we can podcast for as long as you know we can.
Hey, we're going to podcast, so they pry these microphones out of our cold, dead hands.
Bye, everybody, see you next week.
That's Messed Up as an Exactly Right production.
If you have compliments you'd like to give us or episodes you'd like us to cover, shoot us an email it That's Messed uppod at gmail dot com.
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Thank you so much to our senior producer k C. O'Brien and our associate producer Christina Chamberlain, and to our mixer John Bradley and our guest booker Patrick Cottner, and to Henry Kaperski for our theme song and Carly Jean Andrews for our artwork.
Thank you to our executive producers Georgia hard Start, Karen Kilgarriff, Daniel Kramer, and everybody at Exactly Right Media.
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