Bananas are positively aching to murder you. They’re radioactive, they’re clones, they’re slippery, they’re filled with potassium (which explodes when it hits water). Ignore those mosquitoes over there in the corner, pay attention to this murderous banana! NO DON’T PULL THE CURTAIN QUESTIONS Julian: "How many bananas would it take to kill a man?" from Hannah (she/her) Trace: "Could Mosquitoes go extinct with nothing bad happening to the ecosystem in the aftermath?" from Hannah (she/her) Do you h...
May 29, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 86
Turns out plants are absolute CHATTERBOXES! They talk so much that they make Julian look like a silent partner (he’s not). Instead, he uses a silly German accent to accost our guest Maren Hunsberger all about plant communication. And, speaking of intense interrogations, Star Wars’ Tatooine gets a lot of play in the pop-science space news, but here at home having two suns is way hotter, and also (surprisingly) WAY COLDER! QUESTIONS Julian: "What would happen if our Solar System had two suns" from...
May 22, 2025•58 min•Ep. 83
Let’s just wait a minute while everyone logs on… just a miiiiinnuuuuute, OK do we? I think… Yes, we have everyone! Welcome y’all to our weekly corporate roundtable, before we get started let’s all do some SNAPS for Norm for his Thanos Post-Mortem! The deck was amazing and I think there were some incredible insights to share. But today we’re throwing it over to Trace to speak to our MISSING AMERICAS strategic initiative, and then later, Julian will unpack the objectives and KEY reports which, I t...
May 15, 2025•1 hr 34 min•Ep. 82
Ever notice that our fingers seem to fit perfectly in our nostrils? Is... is that supposed to be like that? Our Patreon subscribers picked this little gem so Trace dug deep to find an answer. Then Julian tries to figure out just what it would take to make a star-encapsulating super structure, better known as a Dyson Sphere. QUESTIONS Julian: "What percentage of the earth mass it would take to make a Dyson sphere?" from Phillipe Trace: "Are we supposed to pick our nose?" from Trevor Do you have a...
May 08, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 81
Hi All! Trace and Julian are taking a bit of a break this week but fear not, we still have some content for you! This is one of our favorite old episodes where Julian learns the REAL alphabet, also known as the ABG’s (not a typo); Trace discovers we are all constantly online whether we like it or not by exploring the mysteries of WiFi; and special guest Dr Virginia Schutte dives into a super-powered animal propelled by twerking. QUESTIONS Virginia: “What if humans had mantis shrimp powers?” from...
May 01, 2025•1 hr 32 min•Ep. 80
This episode Julian tries to think of an even better calendar (too bad "Julian Calendar" was already taken) and Trace thinks a thought so hard his head hurts. QUESTIONS Julian: "Is there a better calendar than the Gregorian? Would it solve any obscure problems?" from Daniel Trace: "Can you think something in your head so loud that it can physically hurt you?" from Austin Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous m...
Apr 24, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 79
Let’s get ready to RUMMMMMMMBBBLLLEEE!! In this corner, we have a normal human who is definitely not a psychopath, and in the opposite corner we have… a fly. Just like, a fly. Also Julian is here and has an amazing story about melting gold with acid rain! QUESTIONS Julian: "Could we produce enough air pollution to make the sky rain aqua regia? At what point would it begin to dissolve gold?" from Mateo Trace: "What is the smallest creature that can be knocked out with a punch?" from Sean Do you h...
Apr 17, 2025•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 78
Tonight our chefs have prepared an all-natural pasture-raised and pristine ivory-hued plutonic entree, slow-cooked under rich, Indian-spiced tectonic compression for 50 million years, adorned with a constellation of tourmaline and garnet, presented alongside gossamer-thin schist ribbons. Then, for dessert, an insulative coating of CHOOH2 which should leave your myelinated neuronal strands feeling slick and hyper-conductive. QUESTIONS Julian: "Would coating your nervous system in a conductive or ...
Apr 10, 2025•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 77
In this episode, we learn Julian used to wear fedoras. He says, it’s been forever and a day, but I’m going to wait a Planck beard-second to see if that bears out. Before that, Trace combs through the hairy subject of human fur — about which he’s an experienced expert. Plus, like a hair on the tongue of your mind we just can’t seem to stop screaming about this one emo song. QUESTIONS Trace: "What if we had the same kind of hair everywhere? Would that solve anything?" from Emilia from Poland Julia...
Apr 03, 2025•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 76
Ever get caught in a light drizzle and think, "Ah, this is nice"? WELL WHAT IF IT WAS ACTUALLY HORRIFYING??? Julian explores the several ways air resistance keeps rainstorms from becoming catastrophic bombardments from the sky. Then Trace tries to get inside the mind of Julian's chihuahua. Turns out most of her thoughts boil down to "shake" and "bark". QUESTIONS Julian: "What if rain drops did not have a terminal velocity?" from Frederik Trace: "Do animals think and/or form thoughts in their own...
Mar 27, 2025•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 75
Wheel wheel wheel … this episode definitely gave us both a headache. I swear we’re not going to conquer every silly meme from your group text (or maybe we will?). QUESTIONS Julian: “Are there more windows or doors in the world?” from Liam Trace: "Headaches… Why???!” from Anna from Athens Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter the question, tell u...
Mar 20, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 74
This episode Trace tears into the age-old question, “What color should your English notebook be?” Special guest MJ Wu from the podcast Everything is Public Health looks at dogs and broccoli and somehow relates them to public health, and Julian attempts to find permanent sunscreen for his pale, pale, oh-so-pale skin. Is it gross? You betcha! QUESTIONS Julian: "Permanent Sunscreen?" from MJ MJ: “What are the wildest journeys that plants or animals have taken because of us?“ from Anna Trace: "What ...
Mar 13, 2025•1 hr 49 min•Ep. 73
If you were shrunk REALLY ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᵣₑₐₗₗᵧ ₛₘₐₗₗ … would we be able to live? Did the documentary “Honey, I shrunk the kids” LIE to us?! Julian grabs his magnifying glass to learn Mor(anis). Meanwhile, Trace wants to know if … if the … uh, the … BLARG! IF SPEAKING A NONSENSE WORD can actually help! QUESTIONS Both questions this week are POLL WINNERS selected by our Patrons! Thanks for voting! Julian: "I've been shrunk down to 1.8 cm and left in a random suburban backyard; what can I do to increase m...
Mar 06, 2025•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 72
Easter is around the corner, but where does that weird Bunny get all the eggs? And why are there eggs in the first place? Guest Yasmin Khan (The Young Turks) has an answer. Meanwhile, Julian explores the word of bat-style crime fighting on a budget and Trace explores if living on Mars would make us super aggro! QUESTIONS Julian: "How can I be Batman on a Budget?" from Wyn (featuring Jasmine from Give Directly ) Yasmin: "Where did the Easter Bunny get the eggs?" from Emily A Trace: "Would we all ...
Feb 27, 2025•2 hr 4 min•Ep. 71
Can the sun be beaten at its own game… OF BEING A SUN?! Julian shines some light on it. Meanwhile, as he spends time on the science of the extremely large, Trace gathers data concerning the massive impact of 0s and 1s. Note: they are very very very very smol. QUESTIONS Julian: "How many lions would beat the sun?" from Daniel Trace: "How much does data weigh?" from Yael Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculo...
Feb 20, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 70
Happy love celebration week!! In honor of how much we LOVE our patreon subscribers, Trace and Julian answer two winners of our Patreon polls! It takes two 🎶 to make a dream come true 🎶 It just takes two — or is it three? What if it was three? Julian checks the math. Meanwhile, Trace (wait doesn’t that mean three again?) gets around in the animal kingdom, but not the waay you thiiiink! If you want to join the patreon go to https://patreon.com/thatsabsurdshow QUESTIONS Julian: "What if 1+1=...
Feb 13, 2025•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 69
Space, the final frontier — of cuisine. This week Trace unpacks the standard food replicator used by the United Federation of Planets. Meanwhile, in Scene 34, Julian ponders of coconuts could actually find their way to Arthurian England vis-a-vis Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. In both answers one COULD find yourself asking, “Where’d ya get the coconut?” QUESTIONS Julian: "What would be the most likely way that coconuts would be transported to Arthurian England" from Joshua Trace:...
Feb 06, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 68
This episode Julian gears up for the last great race with an irresponsible amount of chihuahuas while Trace finds a use for AI that it might actually be suited for. QUESTIONS Julian: "How many chihuahuas would it take to complete the Iditarod?" from Loren Trace: "How many ChatGPT queries would I need to cook an egg?" from AJ Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an ...
Jan 30, 2025•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 67
Hey man, like, if you took all the drugs … like, all of them. What would happen? Would you die? I mean, like, that’s just your opinion, man. But aside from that, and we may be out of our element like Donny, but if you replaced as many body parts as possible with technological wizardry … how many parts would you have left? Would you die?! QUESTIONS Julian: "What would happen if all known drugs were taken at once?” from Rohan Trace: "How much of my body could be replaced with cybernetic implants o...
Jan 23, 2025•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 66
For some reason Julian and Trace both selected Spider-Man related questions. We felt like two Tobey Maguires dancing down the street in perfect sync. Julian critiques Spidey’s famous swingy transportation, and Trace learns a lot from New York City* train nerds. QUESTIONS Julian: "Does it actually make sense for Spider-Man to web swing? Shouldn’t he run?" from Jaron Trace: "How much spiderweb would it take to stop an elevated train in New York?" from Brendan Do you have an absurd question? Maybe ...
Jan 16, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 65
In this special end-of-year episode we pull Kyle out of his editing hole and the three of us talk through some of your best questions of the year! Thank you, thank you, thank you for submitting such incredible questions to us. We read every one of them, we see the new ones coming in every day and we want to answer as many as we can! We love you all, and look forward to another year of absurdity. 💕 ✨ MOST VOTES FOR FAVORITE EPISODE ✨ Pod 041 - Either you Iocaine or You 1-0-can’t FAVORITE QU...
Jan 09, 2025•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 65
Happy holidays! This episode is… weird. Now, normally, we have systems in place to prevent this problem from happening. Somehow we failed. I swear this all happened exactly as you heard! We’re so cooked, y’all. Or at least… that chicken is. QUESTION "What is the worst way to perfectly cook a chicken? For example, could you place it a perfect distance from a nuclear bomb to cook it to temperature? Would the pressure of the deep ocean or maybe an impressive hydraulic press cook it like a pressure ...
Dec 26, 2024•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 64
There's a quote attributed to Albert Einstein, "sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it feels like a minute; sit on a hot stove for a minute and it feels like many hours. That's relativity." There's no evidence he actually said this, but that didn't stop Julian from turning up the heat on his question. Meanwhile, Trace took the DNA from all his cells and strung it together end-to-end. How long do you think that strand would be? What if we took all the DNA from ALL the LIFE on EARTH?! There's a...
Dec 19, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 63
This week, Trace delves into some temporal fantasies, like: why people think if they could travel into the past they’d become lords and queens, and not serfs or worse!? Meanwhile, Julian measures the terminal velocity of poo-poo and pee-pee in very tall buildings. Our show is so weird. QUESTIONS Julian: "If you use the bathroom at the top of a skyscraper, does your pee hit terminal velocity?" from Geoffrey Trace: "How far back in time could you travel and still fit in well enough to rise to pred...
Dec 12, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 62
If you made a video call to someone on the other end of a very, very, very long stick would it be possible to poke them with the stick before the video showed them that you’d moved? Would this impossible, absurd invention move faster than the speed of light?!? Julian pokes around to see. Then, after a Spongebob-style “Meanwhile” title card… Trace grabs a clock and huh’s about why the hands don’t go counter-clockwise. Do they just go with the flow? or is there something else afoot?? Er… a-hand? Q...
Dec 05, 2024•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 61
Happy Thanksgiving to the Americans! Super-belated one for those Canadians too, eh! And, for the rest-of-the-world… Happy Thursday! To give ourselves a little break to spend with our families on Trace’s favorite holiday we’re re-airing a very early episode of the show. Eat some food, tell your friends you love them, and we’ll be back with a new episode next week! In episode 6, Julian explores what would happen to a world without a moon, Trace performs a pedagogical project pertaining to placenta...
Nov 28, 2024•1 hr 30 min
Friction! It’s what makes the world go rou— No, wait. That’s not it. Friction. It’s what keeps the world from spinning off into spaa—- That’s not it either. Friction… It’s what keeps your shoes from being too slippy, but also, like, just slippy enough? *Sigh* Also, dog bark science. Enjoy! QUESTIONS Julian: "What would a perfectly frictionless surface feel like?" from Adam Trace: "How bad would a dog's bark have to be to be worse than it's bite?" from Grace (In a previous version of the show not...
Nov 21, 2024•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 60
This episode Julian attempts to make jokes but only hears crickets, Trace turns LA into a flaming dumpster fire and nobody notices, and special guest Dr. Joe Hanson of Be Smart explains how being "just a lil guy" is a superpower. QUESTIONS Julian: "How do crickets hear if they don't have ears?" from Joe Hanson Joe: "What if it was survival of the "cutest" instead of the "fittest"?" from Gerald Trace: "What would really happen if a volcano (somehow) erupted under LA?" from Matt Do you have an abs...
Nov 14, 2024•1 hr 46 min•Ep. 59
Fun fact: the dinosaur in Jurassic Park that spit acid on Nedry doesn’t exist! I mean, Dilophosaurus does, but it was probably a scavenger, not an evil piñata dinosaur. As long as we’re on the subject though, what if humans could shoot acid? What would that look like? And, as long as we’re talking about disemboweling humans … how many of their own internal organs does a person need to keep? How many transplants is humanly possible? Get these and more weird topics in this episode! QUESTIONS Julia...
Nov 07, 2024•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 58
Happy Halloween, absurd friends! This time around Julian comes out of his shell to calculate the speed of a Kaiju snail (so much mucus 🤢). Meanwhile, Trace pulls out all the molars—uh, pulls out all the stops on his Fae business plan for TOUTHS Incorporated, The Uber for children’s teeth, and asks: Would That Solve Anything™?! QUESTIONS Trace: "What does the tooth fairy do with all the teeth" from Emily Julian: "Would you have to run from a Godzilla-sized snail?” from Kara Do you have an absurd...
Oct 31, 2024•58 min•Ep. 57
