The stylish, modern apartment exudes minimalist elegance with clean lines and sleek furniture. Enzo and Stewie sit on the couch, an awkward tension hanging between them. Stewie fidgets while Enzo scrolls through his foam to practiced indifference. Poppy enters from the kitchen carrying a steaming cup of tea setting it down gently in front of Enzo. Uh, where's mine?
Are you the guest?
Do I live here?
No, but you're here so often you don't count as a guest anymore.
So I'm like a straight cat that won't leave.
Except cats are useful.
Well, who made the that ridiculous rule?
Enzo.
She turns to Enzo with a pointed look.
Please find him a woman before he becomes an even bigger jerk and skippes away anyone who might love him.
Love is overrated. I'm aiming for someone who will tolerate me. For a second, I thought that could be you until I saw you without makeup. Man, that hope disappeared faster than an Air Force jet on full throttle. Poppy exits towards the kitchen but pauses at the doorway to glare at Stewie. He returns a cheeky grip. Stewie adjusts his posture, trying to appear more confident. So, do I have skin in this game? Do I have a chance?
Technically, winning the lottery is also a chance. Doesn't mean it's likely.
Hey, people win that sometimes. My job is to get you into the position where you might have a shot. I don't have enough data to determine that yet. Did you miss the flirting earlier? She might have teased. There's nothing remotely flirtatious about it. Stewie deflates a bit, but quickly rallies. Uh so what's the plan? How do I approach asking her out? Before Enzo can respond, Poppy reenters holding a dish towel.
You've already found him someone. That was quick.
She folds her arms, studying Stewie.
Are you sure you're ready for this? The last girl you dated did burn down your apartment.
She didn't burn it down, she just lit a candle the night before and forgot to put it out. So she told the police. Hey, love's about keeping the flame alive. She just took that way too literally. Enzo raises a hand, cutting through the bickering. Is there a point you're trying to get at, Poppy? Poppy absently tucks her hair behind her ear, her expression softening just a little.
Just be careful, Stu. Not everyone's built for heartbreak.
Neither am I. But lucky for me, I bounce back faster than a bad check.
That reminds me, rent's due, and this time I'll be expecting actual cash or a bank transfer. No more bad checks that bounce.
Stewie softens, nodding. Luckily I have plenty of options for Stewie to date. You do?
You do?
Enzo smirks, casually checking his buzzing phone. His expression shifts as he reads the message. I've got a client appointment, Stew. Walk with me. Enzo grabs his jacket from the coat rack and heads towards the door. Stewie scrambles to his feet and follows closely behind. As the front door clicks shut behind him, Poppy watches from the window and something unreadable flickering across her face. Can I get a little room for error? Like five minutes of embarrassment max.
You'll be lucky if you last too. Stewie nods enthusiastically, struggling to suppress a grin as he follows his reluctant mentor down the bustling street. Enzo and Stewie stand near the elevators. Stewie is pacing nervously while Enzo leans casually against the wall, completely in control. You have a shot. You really think so? She's harboring something. If a woman who's engaged doesn't want her longtime male friend to find a soulmate, suggests unresolved feelings.
So you think she might still like me?
Possibly.
So you're saying there's a tiny chance. Like lottery tiny?
Lotto tickets don't pace around the lobby sweating through their shirts.
Stewie stops pacing more serious now. So, what's the plan?
Let me didn't tell.
I'm having a report written on her fiance. Done. I'll handle it. Not you.
You're emotionally invested. You'd write what you want to be true, now what it is.
Hey, I can be objective if I'm supervised and caffeinated. Stewie's enthusiasm dies slightly. So who's doing it?
My secretary. She's really good at blending in. She's a bartender. They're talking right now. Hopefully she'll do a good job or drink too much and accidentally sleep with him. Either way, they win.
Wait, you're spying on them?
Monitoring. There's a difference.
Right. Like how I monitor my ex's Instagram just to make sure she's doing okay. Let's aim for less sad and more competent, alright? Stewie stares at him, still processing. Okay. What's the goal here? To identify weaknesses.
If a fiance is hiding something, any flaw we can exploit, we'll use it to our advantage.
And uh when does that lead me to making a move on Poppy? So if her fiance slips up, we make him the bad guy. And you the safe, dependable choice. So I'm plan B. Contingency plan. Sounds less pathetic. You really think that'll work? Women love bad boys. Some women. But not women looking for something real. Especially if the uh bad boy turns out worse than they thought. So you've got me Enzo adjusts his cufflinks, exuding effortless confidence. I've always got you.
Stewie nods, still unsure but beginning to believe. The elevator dings in the background as they step inside, and Zoe's phone buzzes again. He reads the message carefully, his expression unreadable. What's the update? It's starting. The elevator doors close, leaving Stewie with more questions than ever before. Enzo sits alone in a booth, scrolling through his phone. He glances at his watch mildly impatient.
The door swings open, and Celine, sharp-eyed confident, strides in and holding a thick folder. She spots Enzo, makes her way over, sliding into the seat across from him with greatest ease. Miss me. Look at Miss Jury Duty. She pulls out several pages from the folder and slides them across the table. Enzo picks up the first sheet, scanning it carefully. Good work. This is uh thorough. Were you expecting anything less?
Yeah. Your last thorough report typos of my drunk texts.
How can I?
To be fair, I seen your work on a really bad day. It's like a plane crashing into retirement home. Absolute chaos.
What a beautiful image to give someone who just put her grandma in a care home. I'm great at timing. Sympathy cards are the mail, especially. They exchange knowing glances. She leans back and joins the verbal sparring. Anyway, James is clean. No flirting, no suspicious behavior. Just a regular guy working hard to feed and clothe himself. Bake records? Nothing shady.
He pays for four subscription services for his online businesses, sends rent money to his sister, who he's living with after her divorce, and covers school expenses for her kids. Honestly, I wish I had a guy like that. You had one. Right off after meeting you. Enzo looked up for the papers, mildly amused. Not dating at the moment. So introduce us, maybe. Enzo chuckles, shaking his head. Finally, something for me to get excited about. Enzo sets down the folders, still processing. Anything else?
Just one weird thing. My investigation found a connection between Stewie and James going back to their college days. Enzo's brow furrows. He told me they met their poppy. Selene pulls out a set of old, slightly faded photos. She slides them towards Enzo. The pictures show Jane and Stewie, much younger, playing together in a college band. Does this look like they met my compensators? They've known each other for years. If I were you, I'd figure out why Stewie lied.
Enzo studied the photos as my increasing. You think? Yes, Dick. I think. And hurry. I'm starting to really like James, and I got this close to planning our wedding in my head. Thanks for the fabulous imagery. Selene gathers her things that rises from the table. Always a pleasure. Until next time, Ansarella.
I hate that nickname.
Tough. It's sticking like your receding hairline.
At least I don't shampoo behind like I'm scrubbing acne patches. Damn, I really should have come up with something better than that.
Maybe try some classes. Comedy classes. Right after Edgar Management. She exits confidently as Edzo shakes his head, incredulately impressed to spite himself. She exits the bar with a confident stride, leading Edzo alone, still staring at the incriminating photos. He exhales sharply, sliding the photos back into the folder and muttering to himself.
Meet Nathan and Lizzie. Two 33-year-olds haunted by their past. When they unexpectedly reunite at an ice cream shop, old feelings resurface. But second chances are never simple, especially when heartbreak still lingers. Regrets is a gripping romantic comedy audio drama that explores love, loss, and the messy reality of getting a second shot at happiness. New episodes streaming now on That Love Podcast. Don't miss out! Listen today.
Stewie paces back and forth, wringing his hands. Enzo stands near the door, arms crossed, radiating cold fury. His piercing glare follows Stewie like a predator sizing up its prey. So what else have you been lying about? I wasn't lying.
You said you never knew James until Poppy introduced you to.
Stewie hesitates, wincing. Yeah, that does make me sound guilty. I guess I should lie better. And you just admitted the truth.
Damn it!
Ha ha ha!
Enzo steps forward, his voice dangerously low. I can't work with someone who keeps important things from me.
Stewie.
What what are you saying?
I'm saying you have ten seconds to explain why you lied. Or I'm out.
Contract cancelled. Stewie opens his mouth, struggling for words, but nothing comes out. Look, I I can't tell you why I lied, okay? It's sensitive. Something from my past that I don't want brought up now. Enzo raises an eyebrow unimpressed. What kind of sensitive? It's personal.
I can't work with someone if I don't have the full story. I need leverage, Stewie. Details. Context right now. I've got nothing.
I'll tell you, I swear, just not now. Enzo steps even closer, towering over Stewie. His voice drops, sharp and deliberate. You have until morning. Or the contracts void. Stewie's face falls, desperation flickering in his eyes. Oh come on, buddy, please! You know I need this! Enzo grabs his jacket from the back of a chair, slipping it on with practice precision. Morning. No excuses. Without another word, Enzo turns and strides to the door.
Pauses for a moment as if considering something, but shakes it off. He opens the door and exits, leaving Stewie alone in the silent and cluttered apartment. Stewie collapses on the couch, running his hands down his face. What the hell am I gonna do now? The door slams shut, echoing through the apartment as Stewie stares blankly at the floor, already feeling the weight of the ticking clock. The living room is cluttered with pizza boxes, empty soda cans, and a pile of laundry shoved into a corner.
Stewie sits on the worn couch, fiercely playing a soccer video game, fingers flying over the control. The door creaks open behind him. James steps into the apartment, is a presence uh imposing but casual. His expression hardens when he sees Stewie. Stewie? What the hell? Yeah, Poppy's not here. She lives here. Didn't mention it? James crossed his arms, tension crackling in the air. Then again, she also didn't mention that you and I were former bandmates, which is surprising in itself.
Stewie finally pauses the game, standing up slowly, his eyes burn with unresolved rage. Do you blame me? Oh come on, buddy. Don't buddy me. Get the hell out of my apartment. James doesn't move, holding his ground. Hazel said you two were in a thing. Stewie's eyes tighten with barely controlled anger. You knew I loved her, and you pursued her anyway. Took her from me, married her, then cheated on her. James flinches but keeps his composure. It wasn't just me.
You broke her into a million pieces, left her deserted from everyone who cared about her. Then walked away when she was weak, helpless, fighting cancer. His voice cracks, but the rage of his eyes stays steady. So forgive me if I don't believe a damn thing a rat like you has to say.
She survived. She's healthy now, living back on her family ranch in Texas, right?
Stewie narrows his eyes. Nice try. But I'm not giving you her address. He steps closer, pointing firmly toward the door. Ten seconds, get out before I kill you. Before either man can react, the front door opens. Poppy enters, balancing a stack of mail and grocery bags. Her face freezes as she sees them squared off like two fighters ready to brawl.
You will do no such thing.
The tension in the air feels suffocating.
What the hell is going on?
Stewie steps back, fists still clenched. Your boyfriend was just leaving.
He's not going anywhere until you both explain yourselves.
The room goes still. Stewie glares at James, daring him speak. Well? Talk, James! The floor is all yours. James slowly walks over to Poppy and presses a kiss to the top of her head. She doesn't move, still watching him warily.
Wait. I need to know what's happening.
Maybe another time. He shoots Stewie a pointed look, then exits quietly, leaving a heavy silence behind.
Explain yourself now.
Stewie's face hardens, his walls snapping into place. If I see that man in this house again, I'll find somewhere else to live.
Stewie, it's in your apartment.
I'll still do it! He storms past her, grabbing his jacket from the hook by the door. The door shot behind him, leaving Poppy standing alone, stunned and conflicted. The bar is dimly lit with soft music playing in the background. Celine sits in a corner booth with Enzo sipping on a whiskey meat. Stewie stumbles in, his face red and blotchy from heavenly tears. His shoulders sag like a man carrying the weight of the wound. I've changed my mind. I don't want to pursue Poppy anymore.
What? You put down a 20 grand retainer for my services. Plus a deposit. You get 40% of the bank if you end up marrying Poppy. Why would you?
Did you hear me? I've changed my mind. Before Enzo can press further, Stewie turns on his heel and storms out, leaving the bar fairly quiet. Better book a holiday somewhere sunny. Enzo exhales sharply, still processing. Do I have your permission to pursue chains? Enzo cleared at her. Find out everything you can on James and Stewie. Full background check search might cost you. Do you know how capitalism works, right? Just do it. Celina raises her glass in a mocked toast. Alright, boss.
I'll see what I can take up. She downs the last of her drink, grabs her coat, and saunters out confidently. The door opens up again, and Poppy enters, visibly stressed. She spots Enzo, marches over to his booth.
Hey, my fiance isn't answering my calls.
And uh, how is this my problem again?
Because we never had issues until he met you. What's Stewie really using your services for? Oh, great. Can I hire you then?
Uh conflict of interest.
Then help me figure out what's going on.
Enzo studies her for a long moment, winning his options.
Look, I can't tell you everything due to uh ethical conflicts.
But I'll investigate and give you a brief summary of what's happening once I've done my due diligence. Poppy softens release flotching over her.
Thank you. I really care about them both. I just I don't want to lose either of them.
Enzo smirks faintly, his voice turning calculated. But if you had to choose like a Sophie's choice scenario, who do it?
What?
That's a hint.
Okay, you're weird.
She turns to leave but pauses.
Call me.
She exits, and so watches her go, already pieces together his next move. Across the parking lot, Stewie is talking to a striking, confident woman in her thirties with short styled hair. The woman, Hazel, is loading a large suitcase into the trunk of her car. The two share a look that feels intensely familiar, charged with unspoken history. Hazel closes the trunk, gets into her car as she speeds away, while he watches unsettled.
Who the hell was that?
Her mind races as she watches the car vanish into the night. Dates are hard to find, even when you find it, they somehow end up being disasters. But somehow we're all still trying. The show was voiced by Emerson Peary, Alice Girvin, and Ciara Haas. Written and produced by Joan Cita. If you enjoyed today's romantic train wreck, do us a solid and leave us a five-star review. Helps other lovestruck listeners find us and keep the show going strong.
Until next time, stay hopeful, stay ridiculous, and always check for a spinach.
Have you listened to our series Regrets Yet? Meet Nathan and Lizzie. Two 33-year-olds haunted by their past. When they unexpectedly reunite at an ice cream shop, old feelings resurface. But second chances are never simple, especially when heartbreak still lingers. Regrets is a gripping romantic comedy audio drama that explores love, lost, and the messy reality of getting a second shot at happiness. New episodes streaming now on That Love Podcast. Don't miss out. Listen today.