Purple Rain — Episode Two

We're in the car. I'm driving Olivia to the restaurant. I'm a little nervous. This date's my first date since well, college. When Jess and I got together, I thought that was it. I was smitten with her. I thought we'd be together like the queen and Prince Philip. Or something less royal than that. Anyway, I thought Jess was the one for me. Now, I guess she isn't.

Are you okay? You're a little quiet. Yeah, I'm great. Then why do you look like a scared kid in front of a stranger?

Sorry, I was just thinking.

About how beautiful I look?

No.

Wrong answer. Answer better.

Yes, about how beautiful you look tonight.

Oh Harrison, you make me blush.

I wasn't thinking of anyone in particular, I promise.

How long were you together with your ex?

We're not doing this. I'd rather staple my balls to my dick than discuss her. So it's a touchy subject for you. You must have loved her. I'm not thinking about her. My main focus is on you. Or all that matters.

Okay, but do I believe you?

Well, does Meghan Markle believe her dad loves her?

Um, let's analyze that.

Damn it.

Wrong example.

I sighed. Look, the truth of it is I wasn't thinking about Jess. I was thinking about Penny, my daughter. She's everywhere I look. I just feel like every time I try to focus on Olivia, that my mind instantly goes back to Penny. I need to snap out of it and focus better. Olivia looks stunning tonight. She's princess-like. All she's missing is a tiara to complete that notion. I'm a lucky person tonight.

I really am.

Livia and I walk into the restaurant. The head waiter, Anthony, is talking to a young couple standing in front of us. I'm telling you, babe, I reserved a table before we got here.

I'm not lying.

Oh, then why are you panicking then? If your claims were valid, then we'd be eating our soup by now. Are we doing that? Um, no, we aren't. And the reason for that is because you're lying your ass off.

Hey, please, just listen to me.

Fergus, they're saying we're not on the system, so guess what? You are lying.

Would you mind waiting aside? I'm sure a table will become available in due time. Anthony points for the couple to move aside. Should we go to Kentucky Fried Chicken?

You want to celebrate our first anniversary by eating at KFC.

Ellie walks off in frustration. Fergus stops her.

I'm sorry, honey. We'll wait for a table. It'll be memorable, I promise. The head waiter turns his attention to us. Hello, sir. It's nice to see you back here. We have a window table available. Actually, can you give it to the young couple waiting? We'll take another table. But, sir, if you don't mind me injecting here, this is your restaurant. We've always reserved the best seat for Please.

Give it to the young couple. A waiter walks up to us and gestures for us to follow him. The young couple behind us gets shown to the window seat by the head waiter. Olivia and I sit down in the corner of the restaurant.

Hey, that was nice of you to give up our seats to the couple. If I didn't know you better, I assumed you were trying to impress me, but sadly I do. Wow. Who knew you had a heart? Well, I did or else I wouldn't be here, right?

Right.

Why'd you do it?

I did it because I'm charitable. Like Bill Gates, only less wealthy, but way more handsome. I feel like swooning to showcase that. Olivia laughs.

I don't believe any of that to be true.

Our waitress walks over. We'll have your finest wine sent to the window table. Please put it on my bill. You know what? Their whole meal on my account.

That's very generous of you. Unfortunately, not a lot of people do that these days.

Waitress looks at me intensely for a second.

Yep, he's unique.

The waitress shakes out of it.

Anyways, what can I get for you to drink? We'll have the Merlot. Thank you.

Jackie's not competition. She's a lesbian mother of two, and she's married to Gina. She's the love of her life, who's a nurse.

Wow, how do you know so much about her?

How? Well, because I eat here and talk to her all the time. She's kind. Do you bring your dates here? Not dates. I eat alone. Staff here are like family. They don't treat me with any less respect than I deserve.

So, how long have you owned this restaurant?

I've owned it for about three months. I bought it out of a whim as a birthday present for my ex. I was gonna surprise Jess with it, but the day before her birthday, I caught her doing the nasty with my best friend. There went my plans.

Now you come here thinking of what could have been with her. I see. I don't miss her. Then why do you look like Luke Skywalker after he's found the dead bodies of his aunt and uncle? It's all over your face.

You don't know what I'm thinking.

No, but I know you're hiding the things you're thinking. Either way, this date is crashing from the skies in flames.

What do you want from me, Olivia?

Nothing. Excuse me, I need the toilet.

Olivia stands up and walks away. I think for a second, and then I berate myself. Why am I thinking about Jess's betrayal? I'm on a date, for God's sake. Don't think about that lying, cheating, conniving bitch. I'm messed up here. There's no doubt about it. Need to get my head straight and focus. Cuz right now, I'll tell you, you're fucking blowing this dummy. Olivia is the woman you like. Jess is the woman who hates you and keeps you away from your daughter on her birthday.

And make sure there's no doubt in her head that she's wanted tonight. Olivia walks back to the table.

She grabs her handbag. You deserve my full disclosure.

I'm waiting.

And I'll tell you now. I'm still waiting.

It's no one's business, okay? You know what? You've messed me around too much already. I'm leaving.

Olivia stands up and exits. I sit for a beat, thinking. Then I rise and follow her. Wait, wasn't thinking about my ex.

Yeah, and I'm just meant to believe that.

Wasn't. Thought of Jess is like being stabbed in the balls. Over and over again. It's like Groundhog Day.

Okay, so who were you thinking of? And don't try to say you weren't thinking of anyone, because we both know you were.

Did you go back to your seat before I tell you?

I need a good reason to do that, Harrison. So please give me a good one.

I wasn't thinking about my ex because I was thinking about my daughter. Olivia stares at me for a second, a gesture for her to walk back to her seat. She does. We walk over to our table and sit.

You were thinking about your Penny.

Penny, it's her birthday today.

Oh, but you spent the whole day chasing me. Have you seen her today?

Nope. Wanted to. Bought Penny this tiny pendant to give her today. Neatly wrapped it in her favorite colors. I went over to my ex's house to give it to her, and I wasn't allowed in. My ex was the dragon at the door keeping me from my princess.

I'm so sorry.

Wait.

Can you do nothing? That's what. Olivia sits down. She grabs my hand.

Your ex uses her kid as a tool to hurt you, doesn't she?

There's nothing I can do, so I've just gotta keep trying.

Yeah, and as long as your kid knows that you've tried to be there for her, that's all that matters. She'll eventually grow up to know how much you loved her.

I hope so, but sometimes there are doubts.

Never let doubt find you. Instead, tell it to keep walking because your faith is strong.

I have no faith. I'm a walking disaster.

Look, you have rights. You're Penny's father. Therefore, you should be allowed to see her.

You should. God's not delivering on that promise, is he?

He will. Look, from what I know of you, I don't see any legal reason for why your ex would keep you away from Penny. Thanks. It's true. And you know what? Any judge in their right mind would see that too. Keep fighting. Eventually the door will come off his hinges, and you'll be there for Penny again. I guarantee it.

I hope so.

You shouldn't hope. You should only believe. Look, your daughter will love you even more for not having given up.

I pray for that to be true.

Just stay focused on your goal to be there for her. And when the time is right, the doors will open for you to be there. Okay? Your future is bright. Believe. Thank you. You're right. Now, that's dealt with. Can we focus on our date again? So far, it's a drag.

I laugh. I take Olivia's hand and kiss it.

She smiles. Olivia laughs.

I laugh.

Do you own any pets?

A dog. Called Roscoe. What breed is it? Doberman Pitcher. He's a male dog. Oh well.

I bet he gets all the ladies.

He seems to do a better job than me.

Yeah, I agree. Cheeky. So what first attracted you to me?

Okay. This is gonna sound lame.

I can handle it without laughing at you.

I liked your character. Livia laughs.

I was so wrong.

You're super lame. You had such an easy way about you. You could hold a conversation. You're the most beautiful woman I've set my eyes on.

Wow. You hit hard when you like someone, don't you? You're like a Casanova.

Olivia, you're an incredible woman. The luckiest man to be here with you.

I feel the same.

So, come on. What attracted you to me?

Your eyes. They're sexy.

I wink for Olivia.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Too late. No baxies. I liked your personality too. You're funny, calm, brutally honest, and unique. It's all I've ever looked for in a guy.

Yeah, I am great. Olivia throws her napkin at me. Unfortunately, it lands on my soup. Well, that's the soup ruined.

Olivia and I laugh.

Olivia takes out her purse to pay for the meal as I come back from the toilet. Um, why are you paying for the meal? It's a man's job to pay for the meal.

Fine, I'll let you pay for it.

I grab the bill. Oof, that's uh pricey soup.

I've got this. The dinner on me could be your reward for giving me such a special night. You're welcome.

Thank you.

Oh, it's happening. What is the guy you offered the window table to is proposing to his girlfriend, but she looks so angry. Price, she's about to pour soup over his head. Oh, please don't do it.

The woman from earlier pours soup over her boyfriend's head. And she has. What a waste of an evening. Woman walks off in a straw.

At least we had a great night.

We did, indeed.

Seriously, I've had a great night with you. You blew me away. You're charming, funny, and kinda sexy.

You sound surprised.

Well, duh, that's because I freaking am.

I laugh. Olivia's brilliant. You know, I'm surprised by the events of tonight. My first impression of you was that you were uptight.

Oh my god, how could you think that?

Think back to our early conversations.

Yeah, I hated your ass.

I laugh. And we shared the same taxi home?

Yeah, I'd like that. I kinda want to feel you up on the trip back home.

Yet if a man says that to a woman in today's world, he gets cancelled. I thought we were an equal society here.

Hey buddy, I'm offering an experience of a lifetime here. I could as quickly take it away if you want. Do you want that?

No, I'm not sure why I'm complaining. Olivia laughs. Am I allowed to kiss you when we're at your front door?

Yes, but don't expect it to be easy. First, you have to earn the honor of kissing me.

And I shall aim to do that. But hang on, that's too much work. Nah, I'm okay. I pretend to walk away.

Get back here now.

I walk back to Olivia.

I take her hand and kiss it. She smiles.

Olivia and I are holding hands as I walk her to her door.

I had a perfect time. Thank you.

I had a great time too. Thank you for your words of encouragement earlier. Made me change my opinion of you. You're actually cool. Who would have thought it? Not me. Dirk. I know this is a little desperate.

We're not having sex, Harrison.

No, I wasn't gonna suggest that. Ah, who you think you are, Rihanna? Dick. I was going to ask if you think I've done enough to earn a second date.

I haven't decided yet. Oh, cool. I'm kidding. Why the clown face? You have earned a second date, but I get to choose where and when we go on it, okay?

Aye aye, Captain. Your desires are my command.

No, it's cold, and I'm waiting.

Or what?

Jesus Christ, in here I thought you were smart. Take a guess, dummy.

Oh, you want me to kiss you? Nah, I'm okay.

Get back here now.

Alright. You always have to force me to do what I don't want to do. You're such a tyrant, you know that? Kiss me already. Gently grab Olivia's face and kiss her for a beat. We end the kiss. How was it? Are you in love yet?

Not quite. That felt like I was kissing my brother. You get one out of five.

Challenge accepted. I grab Olivia's face again and passionately kiss her. You break the kiss. And it looks like she's winded.

That was better. It felt like you were George Clooney and I was Julia Roberts.

Oh yeah. Call me, or I'll just show up at your workstation to bug you to death. Whatever, jackass. I'm serious here. Take me seriously. Thank you for tonight. Thank you. Back. I walk off. Olivia stands at her door watching me leave. She has a massive smile on her face. She closes the door. This love story is just beginning. The adventure of a lifetime starts now.

Hi, I'm Umi Fusion. I'm the lead actress on That Woman. I would like to say that there's more to come of that woman. So stay tuned and follow That Love Podcast on your favorite podcast app to get future episodes as soon as they drop. And if you love the podcast, please share it with friends and family. Thank you. Have a great day.