I've Got You — Episode One: A Kidnapping with a Twist

A man sits on a chair. He's tied up and has a blindfold over his eyes. This isn't my handiwork. Okay, it is, but I didn't carry him into this room. I mean, come on, I'm not that strong. Look, here's the news. I may have paid for him to be kidnapped, but I didn't carry out this mission. The man who incidentally is my ex-fiance is unhurt. I made sure of that. He may look scared, but no harm has come to him. I promise. You're welcome, world. Aw, aren't I great?

You did this.

I'm afraid so. It's great to see you, Brandon. It's been four years.

Yeah, and I wish I could say it's good to see you too, but sadly I can't because I loathe you. So you need to untie me right now.

You wouldn't talk to me. You wouldn't take my calls. You left me with no other choice but to do this. I'm sorry.

Whitney? I said untie me. Please do not make this any worse than it needs to be. Untie me.

I still love you. Wow. I said that without gagging. I was sure I would puke my guts the second I admitted that. Huh. What a surprise.

You learn something new every day.

Right? We're so connected, you and me.

You're insane, Whitney. You don't love me. You're just making my life hell because I dumped you.

That's not what this is. Is it? What am I saying here? Shape up with.

You you have got a funny way of showing me that you love me. You know, people that say that don't usually go on to kidnap their exes. They usually respect their wishes. You've lost your goddamn mind.

True, but I'm unique. So I don't care. I smile for Brandon. Look, I've tried everything to show you how much you mean to me. So what do you want me to do? Let you go ahead and have your perfect life with some tramp? Fuck you!

Look, Whitney, listen to me very carefully. Please untie me and stay the fuck out of my life.

That's not happening. You'll have to sit there and listen to me. And maybe have sex with me later. You're great in bed.

All that money, and this is what you've become. You need professional help.

No. What I need is my ex back in my arms.

Look, I'm tired. Drugs you put in my drink at the bar making me dizzy. So I'm going to demand one more time let me go.

Do you want money? Is that what will make you talk to me? You can have it all.

It was never about money, Whitney. I told you that the minute you won the Powerball jackpot. This goes way beyond that.

Okay, so what did I do wrong?

I'm going to escape this place. I hope you know that. And when I do, I will file a report with the police. They'll arrest you and you'll go to jail, and this'll all be for nothing. So please stop this. I am begging you.

You're outside the city. You're in a small town, you're situated in a gated house with 30 men watching this place. Do your worse. You're not leaving until you answer some questions.

I need to pee.

No, you don't.

You want me to piss myself?

I kind of do. Why do you ask?

Whitney, come on. I'm not in a joking mood here.

Mike! Brandon needs to pee!

Wait, Mike? Mike is in my best friend, Mike?

I'm afraid so. He lost his job and his family house was about to be foreclosed.

Mike, I don't believe this. So what you what? You paid him to watch me?

No. I paid him to spy on you. He spied on you for three years, and he's just bought a house in California.

Uh god. I need to pee.

And maybe puke. There he is. How's it going, bud? Uh, you know, could be uh better. You're funny. But do you want to watch the Super Bowl today with me?

Um, I wouldn't have thought so. Uh why not? Love football. Okay, are we really having this conversation?

Mike, would you take Brandon to the toilet? And also, check the bathroom for condoms. Brandon might do me later. Oh my god, I'm in a fucking nightmare. I'm kidding. Um, stop frowning, jerk. Come on, bud. Mike unties Brandon and then lifts him.

She's a great gal, isn't she? Shocked you two couldn't work it out. What happened there? She too much of a sexaholic? That translate to you being uh what's the term A resisting her?

Hey, guys? Maybe have this chat in private.

I oh sorry.

Both Mike and I watch Brandon. He stays silent. One way or another, but Brandon, you will tell us why I was dumped. The longer you stay silent, the longer you stay here.

Fuck you, Whitney. Come on now, that's no way to talk to a lady. She's precious. Treat her with some respect. That said, she's lost all respect the minute she kidnapped you, so hey, what do I know? Nothing. That's what.

Oh, you can fuck off too, buddy.

As Mike leads Brandon to the downstairs restroom, Brandon makes a run for it. He heads towards the front door. Mike and I don't look too concerned as we slowly follow him to the front door. Brandon opens the door, but fifteen men surround him outside the door. His face falls.

Turn around right now!

Brandon turns around and sees Mike holding a baseball bat.

We could do this the easy way or the hard way.

Brandon walks into the house as Mike shuts the door. I've made him grilled chicken with mashed potatoes, peas, and barbecue hot wings. This was his favorite meal when we dated. I put down the tray at the dining table. Your lunch is ready. It's your favorite. Aren't I the best girlfriend ever?

One, I'm not hungry. Two, I'd rather starve, and three, hell no. Stop being crazy.

Listen, this will go more smoothly if you talk to me.

No, it'll go more smoothly if you just go to hell.

I walk over to the couch where Brandon sits on the couch. I loved you. I loved you wholeheartedly. And out of nowhere, you crush me. I take a seat next to him.

Well, I'd say I made the right choice clearly. But hey, what the hell do I know?

You left me breathless, struggling for air. You broke me. You made me feel like I did something wrong.

Jesus, I said go to hell.

Was it the sex? Nah, I'm ruling that out immediately. Mike enters.

It was never about sex. This guy couldn't get enough of you. He would race through red lights just to get home to you.

Was I too annoying? Did I do something to rub you the wrong way?

We are not getting into this. Hey, uh, sorry to interrupt, but is that lunch? Damn, I'm starving.

No, Mike, that's Brandon's lunch.

Oh, oh, uh, okay. Lucky son of a bitch. Look, Whitney, what is the long-term goal here?

What do you mean?

I mean this. This the situation here. Us. Here.

Ah, well. I will wait as long as possible for you to tell me the truth. One thing I know is you're not going anywhere until you do.

Okay, fine. You want the truth? I'll tell you the damn truth. Finally. Go ahead. I was cheating on you. What? You heard me? I was cheating on you.

With who? Because I'll tell you, Whitney would have known and kicked your butt before you even considered cheating. Hey, Mike, stay out of this. This is none of your concern. No. Let's break this down. You worked as a lawyer, worked with the ugliest people on the planet, in your own words.

So that rules out a workplace affair.

I met the person in a gym.

You worked out. You worked out in a gym.

Yeah, that's right. I did.

Oh yeah, he didn't dump me because he met someone else.

I agree. You are too much a perfection. Be mad to do that. Would you date me instead? I could give you more babies. Give me more what now? I don't know what he's talking about. Yes, you do. You have a Mike!

Shut the fuck up.

Oh. Turn red when you're angry. Ts scary. But also very hot, too. Did you still like to date me? That's enough, Mike.

Yeah, I'm kinda with her. That that's enough, Mike. Little jealous there, bud? Look, at least let me eat my hostage lunch in peace.

Brandon gets up and heads to the dining table. I think you were. You still want me.

Go to hell. He does want you back.

I knew it. We're getting back together.

We are not getting back. You know what? What what is the point of even debating this? I am I am just wasting my precious breath.

Brandon opens the container of food. His face lights up.

He starts eating.

Brandon watches television when I walk in and plot myself next to him on the couch. Hi.

Now what?

It took some work, but I finally managed to hack into your Facebook account. Do you want to see what Mrs. Sherlock Holmes has deduced?

I don't care. Please just leave me alone.

Mike enters.

Oh, you'll want to hear this. Uh fine. Let's get this over with.

You wanted to propose to me. Brandon hangs his head.

Is she wrong?

Am I wrong in that theory?

I loved you. We dated for six years, so of course I was considering those options.

I would have said yes.

Um, that's a little obvious. Considering my best bud here was gonna propose to you up a hill where you first declared your love for each other.

I had it all planned out too. What changed? What did I do wrong?

We're not doing this. Oh, for the love of God, just tell her what she did wrong. Stop wasting time. Look, I realized we were different people. Oh.

Okay.

Expand on that.

Well, come on, you I would consider myself an easygoing guy with a heart of gold.

Yeah, sure. What a load of crap.

I was easygoing with a heart of gold. Come on.

And my character was what?

At the time, I felt like you only cared about yourself. I thought you were selfish. I had plans for us to have kids. It was something I wanted, but but what?

Spit it out.

You felt I was going to be a bad parent to your kids. You thought we didn't fit.

I felt like you would make a lousy wife. Hence, I didn't propose. And why I dumped you.

You dumped me because you felt I was selfish and too immature to be a good wife and mother?

Exactly. Can I go now?

I need to make a call. I exit.

Oh. Oh, the hammer's about to fall on you.

What do you mean? Let's just say that there's no helmet on the planet that can save you. You're in a heap of trouble.

Okay, Mike, you're you're just trying to fuck with me, and I do not like it. Stop it. Bud, I'm telling you. Your life is about to change forever. Mike, come on, man. This is not funny. What does that mean?

Well, let's just say Whitney has a pretty big secret. And you're about to faint. Mike exits. Mike! Come on! Get back here! I need more than that!

About to get it.

Brandon is reading in the library. Mike enters.

Oh, nothing much. I'm just here wishing you would die a slow, painful death, or maybe I die a quick one.

Oh. That's mature of you. Thanks. Someone wants to meet you in the kitchen. Who? You should come and see for yourself. And uh you're ready to have that faint.

Brandon gets up from the chair and follows Mike to the kitchen. He enters and stops in his tracks. There he is. Brandon, I'd like you to meet someone special. Now, he's deaf. He doesn't talk, but he's as cute as a baby turtle. I kiss Leo's head as Brandon starts to panic slowly. My little boy signs, Who's this man, mommy? I sign back. Leo, meet your father, Brandon.

Wha what what's going on?

You would have known if you had taken my calls or let me see you.

Who Whitney? Who who's the kid? I mean it's a bit obvious, but look at his face.

No, I I I I I need to go. You you you need to release me right now, Whitney. I I I I mean it.

He's your son, Brandon. This little treasure is your son. There's no running from this. You have a son. Brandon looks at the kid. The kid scrawls. And with that cliffhanger, we fade out.

This was I've got you. It was voiced by me, Chakri Matanan, Melanie Rose, and Jake Johnston. It was written, produced, and directed by Joanna Sita. We hope you enjoyed this episode of I've Got You. Please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and be sure to subscribe on the podcast on all your favorite podcast listening apps. That Love Podcast is active on Twitter at ThatLove Pod and on Instagram and Facebook at ThatLove Podcast.