Arlo and Billy walk in. I'm sitting on the couch reading an article on my MacBook Air.
Serves you right for eating that much tacos.
Yeah, we're never going back there.
Yeah, like they didn't want you back there. You vomited on their floors, and then you ran out of the restaurant without telling them.
Can we not speak about this anymore?
Okay, one moment. Uh, I need to check my messages. Your mama's threatening to put you up for that sperm bank commercial.
Uh yeah, great. Just what I always wanted. My face on a billboard next to the words, come donate your sperm. She was serious about considering that.
Don't worry. I'll hold that sucker down before it progresses any further.
Ugh, thank God. I thought I was going to have to change my name and move to Antarctica. Thank you. When would I be without you?
Hmm, you'd be like Batman without Robin. Or Harry Potter with the Armini. A sad, lonesome hero.
Hey, I prefer to think of myself as the Lone Ranger. Minus Tonto. Billy takes out her cell phone and exits. Hey, why do you look so intense? I always look intense. It's my smoldering good looks. Yeah, well, today you look like a horror villain running at somebody with a chainsaw. TMZ's running a story on you. Well, this should be good. The last story they ran on me had them trying to convince the world that I hated Bruce Willis. The story involves you and Taylor Swift.
TMZ thinks that you're dating her. Okay, that settles it. I'm killing my mom. Oh, let's not get too extreme here. But maybe give her a start talking to. TMZ also thinks that you're cheating on Taylor with my sister. Wait, TMZ thinks I'm cheating on Taylor with Billy? Yep. They seem to think you're living up to your heartthrob reputation. That's such a good compliment from me. I find myself to be quite boring sometimes. Gotta mix it up. Well, don't sell yourself short.
You're at least moderately interesting. Oh my god. Arlo, what's going on here? I'm not. I'm not dating Taylor Swift. She's writing a movie for me to star in. Her agents got in touch with me to see if we could do some publicity together. Oh. Okay. I see. My mom, who frankly makes me want to strangle her right now, came up with the idea of Taylor being my girlfriend. I told her I wasn't interested in the idea, but apparently she went through with it anyway. So it's completely innocent.
Yeah, of course it is. Why does it matter anyway? Does my sister know it's innocent? Why would she care? Do me a favor. Let her know what's going on, or I promise hell breaks loose. Why? She wouldn't care. Trust me, she would. Let her know. Billy walks in. She looks visibly shocked. Hey, uh, can we talk? Billy grabs her purse and walks out of the apartment without so much looking at Arlo. Billy, what what are you doing? The front door slams shut. Well, that went well.
I can see why you're a heartthrob. Okay. What in the fuck was that? It's not rocket science, pal. Okay, well excuse me for not being a rocket scientist. Some of us have to settle for being mildly talented actors. I'm being serious here, jerk. What are you talking about?
You need to talk it out with Billy before this gets out of control. Arlo knocks on Billy's door.
But after receiving no answer, he opens it himself. Inside, he discovers Billy engrossed in when Harry met Sally on the couch. A clock from Arlo captures her attention, though she appears agitated at his presence. Ah, I see. So I'm competing with Billy Crystal for your attention. This should end good.
Well, you know it's how to make me laugh. Can you blame me for being fascinated by him and not a jerk like you?
Billy ignores him. Um, look, I need you to do some publicity work for me. This thing with my mom and Taylor is kinda getting out of hand.
Yeah, sure thing. I'll just put on my Olivia Pope hat for you.
I'm getting asked to appear on talk shows to talk about our relationship. Billy isn't looking at Arlo. She's completely ignoring him. Are you okay? Because you're neither blinking nor staring at me right now. It's a little disturbing. I mean, it's like you're having a staring contest at how long you can ignore me.
Yep, I've never been better.
Alright. So uh, what's the game plan?
Well, my game plan is to finish watching this movie without any more interruptions.
Billy picks up the remote, but Arlo takes it from her.
You're super annoying today, you know that?
Right, because it's me who's the definition of that today, and not you. Billy gets up from the couch and walks off to her kitchen. Arlo looks confused and follows her. Billy, I don't pay you top dollar to speak to me like that.
Well, you're not paying me at all right now, so technically you're getting a discount. Come on, can can you just help me out of this bind? A bind is being trapped in a well. Not whatever high school crap you're looking to talk about. Hey, apologize. Right now. I'm so sorry that I'm fresh out of apologies. The last one I gave was so big it depleted my reserves for a month.
When have you ever had a day off? Billy picks up dishes from the dining table and puts them in the kitchen sink.
Exactly. So I'm taking one today.
Look, your whole attitude, posture, this whole thing is confusing me.
What? Can't you tell? I'm going for a James Dean look. You know, brooding and mysterious. It's all the rage with kids these days.
Well, I think you nailed it. You're brooding like a pro.
Aw, thanks. I've been practicing in front of my mirror for hours. I think I'm ready for my close-up.
Barlow rolls his eyes in annoyance. Hey, are you sure you're okay? Yep. Billy starts cleaning her dishes. Well, could you say that while looking at me?
Sure thing. I'll even throw in a smile for free. You know, just to brighten your day.
Billy walks off to her bedroom and slams the door shut. Well, that went well.
So glad we're making progress on this whole communication thing. Billy walks out of her bedroom.
Oh, you're still here?
You're acting like a child. What the hell do you want from me? Oh, wow. Look, my mom and Taylor Swift's agents are working in tandem. TMZ seems to think that we're a couple.
From what I saw, you are a couple. I saw the pictures.
Billy heads to her living room. She sits on the couch ignoring Arlo. Wait, there's pictures?
Yeah, there's pictures. You know, those things that say a thousand words.
Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening. Just spit out what you want. Teamsy thinks I'm cheating on Taylor with you, and I just want this drama to end.
Oh, sure, because denying a relationship always makes the drama go away.
Okay, you're being super annoying today.
What, you want me to deny there's anything going on with you and Taylor so you can live your best life together?
Best life together? No. Come on, who are you trying to fool here? I'm not dating her. Oh, so you're just shaking it off then? Look, if I was dating Taylor Swift, do you really think I'd be here arguing with you?
You're fucking dating her. I saw the damn pictures of you hugging her. Hug?
I've never hugged her. Wait. Okay, no, I did at her PR team's office. But my mom must have taken the pictures and then linked them. There you go. You guys are a couple. Well, I mean, you know, whether we are or not, it shouldn't upset you to the point of acting like this. And you're giving a nine out of ten performance as a you know, as as the bitter jealous friend.
Oh yeah, because being betrayed by your best friend is just a walk in the park.
Hey, low bl you know what?
No. What's all this really about? Oh, I don't know. Have a guess. Or just leave.
Fine. I will. When you tell me why you're upset with me, what's going on here?
I said get out of my house. Why are you upset with me? I'm not. Just get the fuck out.
What the fuck tell me? I'm in love with you, you dumbass. You're what? What wait what do you mean you're in love with me? You you you you can't be in love with me.
Forget it. It was a joke. You yeah, you just need to go.
Billy escapes back to her bedroom. Billy, wait, we need to talk about this. Billy Billy's bedroom door slams shut. Carlo follows Billy but accidentally trips over something. He lands hard on the floor. He's on the floor bleeding. Okay. I've fallen over and I bit my tongue. I hope you're happy.
Carlo tries to get up, but he can't. At least I know I'm not a vampire now.
Arlo lies on his couch, staring at the ceiling. I let myself in. I call off to let him know of my presence. Did you know? About my sister being in love with you? Yeah. No, I didn't know. I thought it was a crush until 30 minutes ago. She just told me the whole truth. I don't know how to feel. It's pretty simple, pal. What's your gut telling you to do? It's telling me that I've wanted this moment for as long as I can remember.
Okay, so what's stopping you from grasping at this moment to take your chance? Uh lots of things. Like what? Let me hear it. I'm scared, okay? Oh well, in that case, definitely don't go for it. Being scared is a great reason never to pursue happiness. Arlo walks toward his drink cabinet. He takes out a glass. No one who loves fears loving someone. When it's right, all fears go out the window, and love just takes over the fear. I know, but I I can't get rid of this fear. Fear? You?
I've seen you take on a tequila shot without flinching. I think you can handle a little bit of love. Arlo pours himself a glass of gin. I feel like I'm about to climb Mount Everest. Arlo, love is a chance. You either take it when it comes or regret it forever. What's stopping you from being with her? What if what if we get together and we break up? What if getting together ruins our friendship?
Oh yeah, because being in love with your best friend and never telling them is way better than taking a chance and possibly ruining your friendship. You know what I mean. If it's real, there's no stopping it. Trust me. I know this from experience of being with your sister. Still, what if we break up and things get awkward and can't stand to be around each other? Arlo, true love has no ifs, ands, or buts. It's an all-consuming feeling that cannot be denied.
I know, but it just comes down to what your heart wants and who it wants you to belong with. You should have an answer for both questions if you love Billy. Arlo smiles. Yeah. Yep. Those are the only two questions that matter, and you should consider when it comes to the matter of your heart. Alright. The question is, do you think you belong with Billy? Is your heart leading you to her door? If yes, don't waste time on me. Get up and go fight for your soulmate. Arlo gets up from the couch.
He looks motivated. What if Arlo? The biggest tragedy people face in our lifetime is not death, but living without experiencing true love. I know that, but but you have a chance to experience real love. Don't be a fool. Take your chance. Arlo looks motivated. He smiles. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. I'll take my chance like a like a quarterback throwing a Hail Mary pass in the in the last few seconds of the Super Bowl. It should work out. It should work out. You'll really fight for Billy?
Yep. I will. And I'll do it with all the charm of a Disney prince and the grace of a baby giraffe learning to walk. Seriously, man, I feel like I'm gonna collapse here. Could you could you drive me to her apartment? I smile. Sure. I was just planning on spending my Friday night driving around town with my lovesick friend. It's my idea of a wild time. Arlo and I walk toward the door. I open the door and we walk out. There's just one small hurdle we have to jump through.
The last time I saw Billy, Ethan was pulling up on her drive. He was what? Yeah, he pulled up on his fancy car like he was a villain in a cheesy rom com. But don't worry, Arlo. You're the hero of this story.
You'll get the girl. The front door slammed shut.
Arlo and I exit the car, only to be met by Ethan, who strides out of the apartment building. As he catches a sight of us, he glares before storming off in a rage. Getting into his Ferrari and speeding away. Arlo runs to the entrance, determined to fight for the love of his life.
I remain behind, hoping for the best.
They stare off for a moment. What the hell was that?
What the hell was what?
First, you tell me you're in love with me.
I did. And you rejected me.
I I didn't do shit. I left to think about what you were telling me. There's a difference.
Yeah, sure.
Second, whilst I'm thinking about your confession, you invite my bitter enemy over so you can reunite?
I didn't invite that dick over. He came here on his own accord. I sent him back in the moment I figured out what he wanted, which was sex, by the way. So, you're fucking wrong there.
Huh, yeah, sure. And third, I realize I might be in love, and you break my heart. You're in what with me? I'm in love with you. It's not like I have a choice in it. I've. I've always been in love with you. Just. My heart took a little longer to catch up with my stupid head. Millie smiles.
Well, I hope you didn't need a GPS to find your way here, Romeo.
This isn't fair. I waited years to be with you, and in one swoop, you're you're rejecting me. This isn't fair. I I deserve better. I deserve I deserve to be with you.
Well, excuse me for not realizing I was in the presence of royalty. Shall I bow down now or later?
I'm being serious here.
Well, calm down, cowboy. Who said I was rejecting you? You're not even letting me speak for Christ's sake.
Fine. Laugh at me. But just know that there will never be a man who loves you more than I have my entire life.
Well, that's comforting. I was starting to worry it has to settle for someone who only kind of loves me.
Billy smiles. Fine. Laugh at me. Laugh away.
Can I speak now?
What's the point? Arlo starts to turn away from Billy, but she rushes up to him, grabbing his face and pulling him back. With all the passion she can muster, she kisses him deeply. But Arlo doesn't respond at first, shocked by her boldness. When she finally breaks the kiss, Arlo smiles, happy to have seen what he's been searching for his entire life. What's going on?
What's going on is I'm trying to tell you that I love you too. Arlo, I love you like a bee loves a flower. Your beauty is intoxicating, and I can't get enough.
Really?
Yes, dumbass. Look, growing up, my grandma and my mom would always tell me the same thing. And it stemmed from generations of our family hearing it.
What was it?
Well, it goes along the lines of true love is a rare gem. Hard to find, but with everything once you have it.
That's true. I've searched long and hard for it, and I always hit a brick wall trying to find it.
So you're saying what? I'm your last option at finding love?
I start to panic, but Billy smiles.
I was messing with you. Relax. Oh.
Thank God. Let me go in there for a sec. Um never do that again, please.
I won't. I promise.
And then that I searched for it, but the only love I ever wanted was with you. Billy comes close to me, a smile lighting up her face. She leans her head towards mine, seeking my lips in a gentle kiss. Despite her usual confidence, I can sense a flicker of apprehension in her eyes. A rare vulnerability that makes the moment all the more special. Her kiss is brief, but sweet. A moment of tenderness and affection between us. My hands are shaking ever so slightly.
Nervous energy is palpable, but it's not surprising. Today's my wedding day. We find ourselves in this beautiful historic church in Los Angeles, filled with eager friends and family members, all gathered to witness the union of me and Billy. The church itself is a stunning piece of architecture. Vaulted ceilings, stained glass windows that cast colorful patterns on the wooden pews, and intricate carvings lining the walls.
The scent of fresh flowers filled the air, and the soft warm light of candles illuminates the serene ambiance of the sacred place. My proposal came just three months after I professed my love for Billy. Now, as we're getting ready to exchange our vows, the joy of our impending life together seems evident in the smiles that we're sharing. Billy, her radiant, expected glow, is now six months pregnant. And we're both waiting for the birth of our first child.
As the organ begins to play, the doors at the back of the church open, revealing Billy in her ethereal wedding gown. Max, my best man, taps me on the shoulder to suggest Billy is heading my way. Are you really sure you want to go through with this? It's not too late to run. Uh yeah, maybe I should really give Beyoncé a call. Kind of funny. With each step it takes Billy to walk down the aisle, the love and happiness in the room becomes even more tangible.
It's clear that we're about to begin our journey as husband and wife, and surrounded by a strong community of support and love, ready to help us navigate the exciting new chapter that lies ahead. This final chapter truly means that love is around. The end.
The show was written, produced, and directed by Joao and Sita. If you enjoyed this episode, please share this episode with family and friends. ThatLove Podcast is active on X and Instagram at ThatLove Pod and Facebook at ThatLove Podcast. Thank you for listening.