Mission: Impossible (1996) - Face Rips, Undercover Flight Attendants & an Aquarium/Restaurant

Paul, I sit here before you on the first awesome day of the year. We are recording this on a day where New York City is It's seventy five.

Degrees, seventy five beautiful degrees.

It's sunny, it's breezy, and it is hot, boy, summer. I took a car down here, the entire West Side Highway, like that whole promenade, that area where people jog and run. It was just hot dude after a hot dude, after a hot dude with no shirt on, listening in the sun.

It is springtime fleet week.

Oh my god, it's so hot. It's so good. Even then when you get into Brooklyn, you cross the bridge of the tunnel, you get into Brooklyn and like all there's just dudes like sitting outside with no shirts ony and like, I don't mean to be like a one gender person here because those ladies. Those ladies are showing it off too. There are sun dresses, there are shorty shorts. It is such a good time to be alive.

Yeah, it's just a great time to ogle, stranger.

It is the best day of the year. Every One is in a good mood.

Everyone's in a good mood. Everyone has like an ice coffee or an ice cream or like a croissant.

I drove past what might have been a Nazi rally and no one cares. No one cared.

Honestly, the fact these days that we can even say might be yeah.

I don't know what they have. Definitely I saw a group gathering and there were flags, and I was like, I don't care. This is this can't be good.

I'm not looking at it, and I'm not looking at it. I'm looking at that those eighteen abbs that are running past right now.

Such a day.

Thanks Jean Mark.

Hey, I'm Paul and America and this is that aged well yesterday's pop culture today.

And we are doing spy movie.

May dunt Donna, dunt Donna.

Boom boom boom boom okay Erica before we get to this, before this mystery is solved to what movie we're doing, This movie has.

The greatest song of all time, Like, genuinely, I'm gonna jump ahead. Genuinely, I even if I hated this movie, I would have loved it just because it opens with.

We do have a couple of Apple podcast reviews. Do you want to read the first one? Sure?

The first review comes from Abby Rue and they write canonical no notes. J Cray stole my review.

I think that is referencing another review that just wrote no notes excellent. Yeah, which I believe was your request, right. This is another person you might owe something to.

Oh, I requested that one just write no notes.

I think so okay.

Well again, if you guys, if I owe you stuff, just email us. I'll pay up.

I'm good. She's good for it. She's good for it. Yeah. Yeah. We also got a review from mention dot dot dot. They write, I love it particularly when I don't have the energy to watch a movie.

I feel that so deep in my bone.

Truly. I watch so much more TV than I watch movies now because of this podcast, because all of my movie energy goes to the podcast. Movies.

Yeah, I can do you one step worse. I've started just watching like YouTube things at night because I don't have the mental energy for a television show to.

Commit to twenty five minutes.

Commit to it twenty five to an hour long show. So I'm like, I'm gonna watch a fifteen minute like YouTube clip where like Tricksy and Katia do some nonsense. That's all I have the energy for.

Ten I've reached the end of hot ones.

Oh no, oh no, no, hot ones are like thirty minutes long now they're too long, too long, even fucking hot ones at two hot ones.

So mention Ellipsis goes on. Erica and Paul are smart, observant, fair, and above all hilarious. Speaking as an elder, some say geriatric millennial who finds myself often adrift in the sea of twenty something podcasters who trade in pop cultural references that mean nothing to me. Ouch, it's so great to revisit these movies from my distant youth and feel seen both in share memories and grumpiness. Is that is a good feel seen by our grumpiness. We do get grumpy sometimes,

We are family values.

Yeah, we are.

If nothing else, we are definitely family values.

Mention dot dot Dot finishes with I also want that tote bag.

Yeah yeah, because you earned it.

You earned it, You.

Earned it, and your fa you know what family values is about. Tote bags? Bag tote bags to the farmer's market.

Truly, truly, all right, so Abby Rue mentioned dot dot dot. If and when you hear these you read, please reach out tell us it's you. I will happily send the tote bags that you have earned with these reviews. Erica, what is the first spy movie on the docket for May?

Today's film is the nineteen ninety six actions by thriller Mission Impossible.

This was requested by Sophie, Mike, Josephine, Meg and Barry also me also you.

Also fully me Yeah.

Mission Impossible was written by David Cupp and Robert Town. It was based on the television series of the same name. It was directed by Brian De Palma and stars Tom Cruise, John Voight, Henry Cherney, Emmanuel I Apologize Bayer something like that, yep, Genrenau Ving Raim's Kristin, Scott Thomas and Vanessa Redgraves.

Vanessa Redgrave just killing it, just.

Fucking up the joint by breathing the same air as this movie.

Oh what a goddess, What a goddess. Allegedly, the original script brought back all cast members of the Mission Impossible television series and then killed them off in the first act. The entire cast refused to participate. They're like, uh no, no.

Fuck you, fuck off, fuck off, Brian to Palmer. I get that though, like if you if that's I don't. I don't know who was in the Mission Impossible TV series, but the fact that I don't know makes me think that, at least for many of them, perhaps it was their signature role and they didn't want it that role to be brutally murdered.

Fair enough. Imagine if I like reached out to the cast of Cheers and I was like, Hey, I'm going to do a reunion, but here's a twist.

There's a twist.

You all die in it.

Yeah, except for one of you. Who turns bad?

Who turns bad?

Oh?

Who would turn bad? In Cheers?

Lilith?

Oh No, she's already bad.

I think you know what it is.

It's got to be woody, right, I've gotta be witty.

I was gonna say Cliff would accidentally get turned. He wouldn't know it.

He wouldn't know it.

He wouldn't know it.

Norm never Norm mention.

Solid all right, Mission Impossible. Erica is the only film in the franchise to do the trademark mask polls with entirely practical effects. It is the only film in the franchise in which Ethan Hunt does not fire a gun, and it is the last motion picture from a major studio to be released on Beta Max video cassette.

That last one really because I genuinely there's like a Beta Max moment in the movie and I was like, the fuck is that technology? So I'm really glad you mentioned that. Okay, couple of things. The ripping face off is enjoyable one hundred percent of the time. It worked on me every time I knew it was Tom Cruise. He's a I think he's a very good actor, but he's not a blends into the back. He's not exactly He's not a Daniel day Lewis, Like is that him?

Eric, I'm getting the hint that you had a good time with this. Love this movie.

The gun thing is also excellent and fascinating and I did not notice it until you mentioned it now. But you're absolutely right. Not a single not a single well gun.

It's like guns are fired. I think they say, like six shots are fired in the movie. Yeah, but none of them by Ethan Hunt.

That's amazing. Yeah, okay, this, uh, gird your loins. Gird your loins, people, because there's some there's some nonsense about to happen. This film has a sixty five percent critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a seventy one percent audience score. Is love Dead, what happened?

Not in this house?

Who hurt you?

Critics?

Who hurt you?

I love how much you love this movie.

Love this movie.

I'm like indifferent to positive on it, Like I don't really care.

It's so good there is Look, there is a fucking helicopter in the channel? What what there is? Vanessa red Crave.

When I saw that helicopter in the channel, I like, like the sun rising in the east. I felt Erica's Lady Boner move the continental like plate. I was like, oh, this is an Erica movie.

Movie slaps so hard. I like, genuinely, I'm and I'm I'm being serious now, Yeah, sixty five percent.

Come to fuck on, I think sixty five percent is low. I probably would have given it a seventy five percent no for to Lopol, I would have I would have dinged it on being a little bit incomprehensible.

Hard disagree, I.

Yeah, I think I think it's a little lost in the sauce.

One of the things I actually really really enjoy about this one is that it is it is a spy movie that like is just complicated enough sure to make you feel smart when you figure it all out, and like to be like, oh, I know what's going on, but like dumb enough that you could actually figure it out. They have They walked that line so perfectly in this movie that like anyone who watches it'll feel like, I did you know? I got it about halfway through. I

And then I think there's a we have a lady problem.

Oh well yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah we have yeah yeah.

We're trying to make up for it with Kristin, Scott Thomas and Minisa Redgrave. And to be fair, they go a long way really goes a long way. I would probably give it about seventy five. What would you give it?

I mean, i'd give it a ninety ninety five. Okay, here's one performance. It's terrible. We're gonna talk about it. But like, other than that, like see when he's dangling in Langley and the sweat is dripping off his glasses and it almost like sets off the alarm, and there's a guy shooting himself to death five feet away. It has ving rains, Guys, it has ving rains. It is a computer hacker, it has a melios is a computer hacker.

What more do you want?

Honestly, I don't know.

Yeah, I do want more.

Kristin Scott Thomas, that was sure. Yeah, we'll get it. We'll get to that.

Yeah, Erica, when did you first see Mission Impossible?

I saw it in the theater. Okay, I saw it in the movie theater in nineteen ninety six, and I loved it. I have to admit, I haven't seen all the films in this franchise, but like, this is a franchise I really like. So Like when I pop in and watch one of them, I'm I'm all in and there's a little bit of like a catch twenty two about Tom Cruise's whole like I do all my own

Look, Tom Cruise has been famous since he was eighteen years old something like that. Like, obviously his brain has been pickled to the point where he thinks he thinks this is his calling. He thinks he's invincible to kill himself in the service of the movie industry. He has made his deal. He understands. It's not a mystery. What's going to happen? Okay, okay, he seems to be okay with it.

The one where he fucking climbs this in Dubais.

The one I saw the bird Khalifa.

Yes, come on, are we not entertained? I really enjoy the ones, all the ones I've seen, And I don't really know which ones I've seen, if I'm honest, because I mostly remember like the major setups, like that, they're well written, the actors are all really good. The one that has Philip Seymour Hoffman as the villain.

Oh dey shit, I've seen one of these. It's the one where he climbed the birge Khalifa, and I couldn't tell you nothing else about it. That's not an insult in the movie.

I remember enjoying it because like what, that's all your brain can fathom, Like, wait, what am I? What am I watching?

Yeah?

The one with Henry Cavill and him fighting out out of an airplane. That's all I remember in that movie. I hope that's Fallout, because fall Out of I hope so too.

I don't know I don't know. Maybe, yeah, it might be.

The only one that I think is skippable is number two. I would say the John Wu one, which is a shame because it's very stylish. It's a John wu.

Film, just for the just for the for the masses. You don't want to skip a number two if you have to go this is Mission Impossible number two?

Yeah, skip that number two?

Yeah, because you can go stap deck like that.

Although you know who is the bad guy in number two and he's pretty hot. Do Gray Scott uh who we loved in ever After?

Yeah?

Paul, when did you first see Mission Impossible?

Yesterday? What? Yeah, I've never seen this?

Wait, so you started with one of the others you started with, like Rogue Nation or whatever.

I remember, like I saw it with my now husbands protocols, So I'm assuming I went on like a date with my husband to see it. Was like the movie to see what to go see a movie, because I again, I just have no inherent interest in these movies. I enjoyed this one and I enjoyed the one I saw,

Really, the only only my only issue is the later ones get long.

All the movies were we can start breaking up off once. Once we're making money off this hand over fist an hour long episode done, we will pick up where we left.

Offne but honestly, like great franchise, kudos kudos to everyone involved in the in the Mission Impossible franchise.

Yep Erica. The tagline for Mission Impossible was only the mission matters.

Okay, I think that's from like the first like from the TV show. Oh okay, I think your mission? Should you choose to accept it is right there? Yeah, it's right there?

Or just choose to accept it something like a directive? Yeah, like you go to the movie theater. Yeah yeah, yeah, you.

Eat popcorn and watch Tom Cruise almost fall off of a moving train.

Yeah, come on, we workshop that for literally thirty seconds and improved it. Where is our money, Hollywood? Do you want to read the iTunes synopsis? Sure?

When US Government operative Ethan hunt Tom Cruise and his mentor Jim Phelps John Voight go on a covert assignment that takes a disastrous turn. Jim is killed and Ethan becomes the prime murder suspect. Now a fugitive hunt recruits brilliant hacker Luthor stickle Ving Raims. Fuck yeah, and Maverick pilot Franz Kreeger is that guy supposed to be German?

I was freaking up, blu. This is a huge point in my notes. Why would you hire because Genrenau plays this. Franz Kreeger is so German.

It's such a German name.

Practically Pretzel Pumpernickels.

That is Bunkers. That is because Okay, I like I heard, I hear it Kreeger the in the movie they call him Kreeger and I'm like, well, Creige, I don't know, maybe that's it. That is a French name and I'm just hearing it wrong. But now that I know his first name is Franz. Like, wait a minute, who was supposed to play this had dropped out? They got gen Renau at the last second.

Yeah.

By the way, no notes on gen Rena excellent, But anyway, continuing, Uh, Maverick Pilot Franz Kreeger to help him sneak into a heavily guarded CIA building to retrieve a confidential computer file that will prove his innocence.

It's a simplified version of the plot, but it's it's close enough that I'm willing to let all the all the illusions go.

Well, yeah, because like if you really if you start to go into it and you're like, there's double crosses, there's tros, there's so much progue, progue, yeah, progue. It's as far as the eye can see.

Yeah, locations, locations, great actors.

Gorgeous scenery. Yes, actual synopsis. Her her her, huh really her, We're gonna We're gonna like pin everything on her her. Okay, oh look I get it. She's hot, She's smoking hot.

She's also a particular kind of hot, like a nineties vulnerable is the word gamine.

Yes, like hot, But there's also it's a very nineties like emaciated, skinny, I smug a lot of cigarettes, hot, like a like a heroin cheek, heroin chic. Yeah, yes, there's that. But I have not seen acting. This would since the Geppetto players came to town. This is this is not even acting.

I love the Geppetto players. Their marionette version of of Moby Dick changed my life.

I will never forget that bet marionette that played a hab.

Now I actually do kind of want to see a puppet Moby Dick. I think that would actually be wild. I want to see what real puppeteers could do with the story of Boby Dick. I actually bet it would be fucking incredible.

It would be heartbreaking, is what it would be. Heartbreaking.

But yeah, my only like question on it because I looked her up because I was watching this and honestly was like, why why was this the casting choice made? And she has won numerous awards in France for acting, so I'm like, is this a language barrier? Was too great? We thought we could overcome and we did not. Yeah, situation, but you're right, it's it's a her.

Her Oh my god. Yeah, I like, and like there is sexual chemistry between them, so like I didn't mind that stuff, but like every time she spoke, I was like, girl.

Girl, this is all right. Well that is your lead up. Everyone stick around. We're gonna play a couple of commercials right here. If you don't want to listen to commercials. You skadadle on over to patreon dot com slash that age weel podcast. You sign up for any paid tier, you will get ad free episodes and more. But if you don't, we've got some commercials and then we're gonna come back and we're gonna take you through d dun dun dun dun dun dun dunn Mission Impossible, and we're back.

Because he was pretty famous. Actually, remember when we saw it in the theater, I was like, oh, merely Westvez is in this. I think next to Tom Cruise and maybe John Voight to certain like the old older audiences MEI wests was by far the most famous person in the movie.

Yeah, I would say, yeah. Jack is a security systems expert. He's watching a scene in a hotel room play out on a small TV screen in front of him. Right, Hannah Williams played by everyone buckle up ingeborga dapcunate wow wolf cunacte. You know what, I stopped murdering it.

It's not his fault. You guys, I'm looking at the name and it is it's a long one.

There are two dire critical marks in this last name, and I actually don't recognize either one.

I think the second one is an accent, so it's like it goes up. I don't know, I don't know what that first one is.

Hannah is a surveillance expert. She watches over Jack's shoulder in a drndal. That moment alone, the fact that you have someone very seriously standing there in a drndal, yeah, puts you in the right frame of mind for this movie. In the hotel room, an older man panics at the

Oh, you know how these movies operate. They kidnapped the man, put a sack over his head.

Yeah, but why does he think he's in there with like a hookup who died? He has to think he's in a hotel. Yeah, he's in trouble.

Because he keeps thinking he's killed the woman.

Yeah, all right, So honest, there's gonna be a lot of it in this movie of who cares? But who cares? It's fun? The answer is it's fun. The mustachioed man pulls off his face mask face face ramp, first face rip of the movie to reveal that he's really Ethan Hunt played by recently revealed in one of our episodes, Animatronic Tom.

Cruise totally fully animatronicus.

Animatronic in movies is Tom Cruise.

He's entirely AI and has been since nineteen sixty four.

Yeah, Ethan Hunt injects the woman in the bed with a solution. She wakes up as he hovers over her in concern. She's also covered in blood. Why is this woman covered in blood? We don't know. What does the man that has now passed out on the floor think happened? This woman is Claire Phelps. She is played by Emmanuel bert Bert. She is a getaway and transport specialist. Ethan

Yeah, these two were fucking. These two are definitely fucking.

Yep. She says did we get him? And Ethan nods and says we got him?

Dant excellent, no notes, perfect scene. We come back to find Jim Phelps played by John Voyd, doesn't age well, but we're going to move past that. He is the team leader of the group we just saw in action, and he's looking fondly at a picture of Claire, his wife. I'm gonna just say this now, there is a twenty five year age gap between these two actors, and it is weird.

It's because she also looks so young.

She's the same age as Tom Cruise, but like he looks older than her, and then John Voyd looks like her grandfather. It is, it's odd.

If she was an American actress, she would have been playing teenagers on the CW until she was forty. Yes, that's just what she looks like.

That's just how she exactly. Yeah, she's got this like dooe eyed, like innocence kind of thing going. The casting of Claire is is like my only major bone to pick with the movie, not just because I don't think she's particularly good and she's not, and you're not wrong, the performance is bad, but also like she just looks weird with these men. Yeah, I don't buy that she's married to Jim for a hot second.

No.

So anyway, he's looking at a picture of his wife, Claire, the lady that we saw in the last scene on the bed, and a flight attendant offers him a movie, and he says he prefers the theater, and this is where Erica goes. Even the flight attendants or spies.

Okay, is that on.

Every flight I've ever taken? On every flight have I ever? Is there been a secret spy on that flight. Who's just waiting for a man in first class to be like, sir, can I offer you some special entertainment?

The IMF, according to this movie, is employing agents all over it, embedded in all different airlines, yes, to give tapes to their agents when because this is a commercial flight, yeah, it is not a like a private plane. Because if it was a private IMF plane, why would you just not go up and be like you have an assignment, sir, you have an assignment?

Pay attention, sir.

Yeah.

No, he's on like Delta flight for sixty six out of New Brunswick. Like what the fuck? So the flight attendant says, would you like a movie? He says, I prefer the theater. This is all code. And she says, would you consider the cinema of the Ukraine? And he's like oh, and she hands him like I'm not kidding you, guys. Even in nineteen ninety six has had to have been old timey technology. And I was like, what the fuck

Yeah.

If you are older than us and fancy and understood first class. First class looked like in nineteen ninety six, please reach out and let me know is this the thing? Because it was this broke my brain for like three minutes of the movie. I had to rewind and be like, wait, what am I watching? Uh huh Okay, Anyway, he puts this tape in and receives his mission, should he choose to accept it. Alexander Galatsen, an attache in Prague, has stolen one half of a CIA non official cover list

You're gonna hear the term knocklist a lot. This is what we're talking.

About, me cover list for all the agents. Right, Gallatsin has the half with the code names, and now he needs the other half with the spies real identities to match them up.

Yep, I had a question, Eric, Yes.

Paul is raising his hand, Yes.

Paul, yes, if you have the spies code names, uh huh, why do you need their real names? I presume this is just to sell it to people who want to kill these spies. Yes, so John's Smith is a spy, Go kill them? Do you care what the spy's real identity is? Who?

Oh? I guess, because the best way to kill a spy, this is me entirely making this up.

Yeah, pull it out your ass. You're working the magics happens.

The movie didn't didn't do this work. I'm doing it. The best way to kill a spy is to get them when they're not working, like because the fucking spy has to go home and pay pay their like electric bill and like feed the dog. Right, So, like you got to get them at that moment, and when they're not John Smith, when they're you know, Alex Trebek, right, and you famous famously a spy. He was hiding in plain sight the whole time.

The Canadians had him implanted years ago.

Every single one of those clues it was a top secret American secret. Okay, So That's my theory is you do need their real names also, because you can. You can get them this is terrible. You can get them where it hurts. You can find out who their families are. Okay, So he has the half with just the code names. He plans to steal the other half at a reception in Prague the following night. If I learned nothing else from the TV show Eightliast is that every single fancy

Yeah, yeah, correct, one DJ is just a disappointment to his parents and the rest of the room.

Or tango dancing spies a la true lives.

Yeah.

So Jim's mission is to obtain photographic proof of the theft Shadow gleats into his buyer and apprehend them both. The team is already in place everyone we met earlier, plus Sarah Davies played by the wonderful Kristin Scott Thomas. Indeed, she is an infiltration expert, and she is already undercover at the embassy. She's been there for weeks.

She's doing the work.

The tape message includes a reminder that anyone who is discovered will be disavowed by the US government. So basically, you're on your own should this leak out and get you know, the government can't help you.

The governments a new phone who dis.

Exactly the tape then reminds him that it will self destruct in five seconds, right, so he starts to light a cigarette. Jim lights a cigarette to hide the like puff cloud of fart smoke that comes out of the Beta Max player in the airplane.

Do you think he takes the tape out? Like what happens the tape.

Because that poor flight attendant has to deal with hit.

Presumptively, we want the Beta Max player to be working for the next fancy person.

So that means Delta is hant on it too.

Like this web is ever.

Experienced, it goes all the way to the top.

So we cut to Prague. Jim is debriefing his team on the plan. This is the team that we've all met. He's giving them their assignments. He reminds him that if he calls a boort, everyone should walk away immediately and regroup back at their hideout at four am.

He actually says at oh four hundred. That's four am. And I'm like, they're professional spies. Have to know that, buddy, they're international professional spies. They understand what four hundred is.

Yes, If I know what four hundred is, they know, They fucking know.

The German lady knows four hundred is.

I don't get confused and till we go above twelve, then I get very confused and upset.

Ry fifteen o'clock, what even is that?

Go fuck yourself. The team agrees. Then everyone starts joking around. They start clowning on Jim that they missed him on their Kiev job. He tells them he was in Chicago at the Drake Hotel and they joke about him getting soft in his old age.

Oh you you're recruiting people in Chicago staying at a fancy schmancy hotel.

He tells them to get serious. If that list gets out, agents like them are gonna get executed.

It's a big fucking deal.

You say serious, serious you guys, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop laughing.

And then he sits down and someone put a whoope cushion on his seat. He's like, guys, no, no, this is this is spy shit.

What are you doing, and his wife just smokes a cigarettes like I did not understand the mouth and Huma, you are so real.

We cut to Jack. That's Emilio Stevez handy.

He's like the he's cute.

So he's handing out their mission gear and that's our way for the audience to start understanding like what they're working with. Sarah gets a pair of glasses with a video camera on them. Ethan gets to see the person he'll be impersonating at the reception, and it's an actual US senator, not in real life in the movie, but basically this is before the Internet, so people can't be like, what the fuck the senator is not it says here on in a post that he's in He's in Scotland.

Explosive I have one note about this, well, it's kind of two notes about the gum. One he should have been given two sticks. Should be given two sticks of gum? And two what is the situation in this mission that they're doing, where the level of explosive that this gum turns out to be is going to be useful.

I guess to create a diversion.

Because it's pitched something to get you into a door that's locked.

That is what he says.

Yeah, right, I was expecting it to be a little like, you know, like, oh, okay, you put it in the lock and it just destroys in stuff. It makes sense, right, that's not what it is. It's a grenade.

Honestly, if one stick of gum should do that, that's when you hand him a whole juicy fruit pack twenty sticks, and you're like, if you really get into a fucking ye pickle, this is this is an atom bomb in your pocket. Yeah, just don't chew it, he says, which is very funny.

So we cut to the night of the operation. Jack makes his way into the elevator shaft where he'll be hacking into the security system. That's Emilio Estevez. He's in the elevator shaft on top of the elevator.

He's kind of hot in nineteen ninety six, right, he is, Yeah, this is I forgot he was really attractive in the nineties.

Sarah, that's Kristin Scott Thomas rushes up to Ethan to point out Galitzin arriving. So we're getting we have a lot of like POV shots. So we're in Ethan's POV at this moment, which is it? They do a lot of them, and I'm like, was this like like edgy filmmaking this moment in time?

I don't know Ryan to Palma, remember you've seen other films of his. He loves this shit. Yeah, he lives for a POV. But also I think this helps with the reveal of like when we see.

Him when the camera turns around in the old.

Man makeup, and they do a fucking great job they do.

So Sarah and Ethan are together. Now Hannah takes her place on the grand staircase. Okay, so this is a grand ballroom. They have Hannah wearing.

Hanna is the German lady played.

By Ingeborgan rumpel Stelt skin.

No you hear that? That's our German listener's going nine nine.

Everyone else is in like ball gowns and tuxes. They have this woman who's who is a spy. She is meant to blend in standing on a grand staircase. She is wearing like an oxygenated avocado green button down top that's tied in the middle and a pair of glasses in like a kind of a sickly yellow that clashed with the top.

It's weird.

She looks she stands out like a sort.

Of she looks like someone's like date that they bought. Yeah, it's a classy escort, but it's it doesn't fit in the crowd is like all older people in tuxedos and ball gowns. And she looks like a seventies like disco dann She she looks.

Like she's going to an Elton John Connon.

She's a very hot lady and so she sticks out anyway. She's like a hot blonde lady just standing on the staircase staring at everyone. No one talks to her. Are we meant to believe that? No one at this party is like, so, what's your story? Can I get you a drink? Let's let's chit chat? Like what what?

Yeah?

She she does not blend in.

Who is she played by?

Yeah, she's played by Schnitzel von Trap.

Is a solid drag queen. Nae. That's that's not bad at all. So Sarah mark skill sin by spraying him with some perfume.

Can I have to pause? I'm so sorry to keep stopping.

I know why you're stopping, though, and you need to. It's we have to.

This makes me so annoyed that they made Kristen Scott Thomas the worst spy. She is bad at this. So first of all, when Ethan approaches her, we get it from his perspective and she's like, oh, hello, Senator, nice to see you. And then she like she she's still standing like a foot away from him, and I get it because it's a camera she's looking at, not a person, but she's like sitting a foot away from him, and she's like the target is over there, like everyone heard you,

She like lifts up her arm like like she's a Romanesque statue posing and like sprays.

She looks like she's like in the movie Challenge Her. She's about to do a serve.

She looks like she's throwing salt over her shoulder because she accidentally filled some it's so obvious.

It's so obvious she's just spraying perfume around this room. I'm like, bitch, you need to be better at this better And it's annoying to me because I'm now just spoil this part. Like she's not gonna be in this movie for much longer, and like I would have I would have put her in the Emmanuel Barrett role. Yeah, she's slightly older than Tom Cruise probably, but who cares, and like who cares? And like she would have fucking nailed that part.

So this perfume is spraying on Gilitsin's head. It Hannah's ugly glasses. Hannah, who's of course played by Unikua sauer Kraut, perceives this perfume as a yellow dot on his head through her glasses so she can keep an eye on Galitsin as he moves throughout the party. Sarah leads Ethan on a tour while Jack from the top of the elevator or attacking to the system grants them access to the restricted floor.

So Ethan and Sarah head down to the office and set up Ethan's glasses to record the computer terminal so that they'll get the required photographic evidence of the leads and stealing this the list. Meanwhile, Hannah, who that's the character played by Ryan von linden Tree.

What if she's not? Even are we positives? She's German? No? No, she might be Dutch.

That name, actually, the way it was spelled, actually does not suggest German. That suggests either Dutch or maybe Swedish. And I've just decided to rag on Germans.

Today played by a young Angela Merkel before her chancellorship.

Played by Angela von Donnerschmidt.

Hey, listeners, future Paul here, this actress is Lithuanian. She is not German. We will have fun with her being German for pretty much the rest of this episode, but you know, enjoy it with us. The Germans have done nothing to deserve this. But I don't know any traditional Lithuanian things. I'm guessing they're Russian inspired, so perhaps Tatiana deborched.

So Hannah reports that Glitzen is on his way to them, because she's the one watching him, being total fly on the wall at this party, things start to go a little pear shaped when it becomes clear that Jack is no longer in control of the elevators. Jim that's John Voyd from his position at their hideout miles away is ostensibly or like out not in. The building opens the elevator doors and Ethan and Sarah manage to hide under the elevator bank as Glitzen heads into the office. Very exciting,

Lady, Yeah, the.

Demolition's expert on this team, moving.

On grand support expert.

Yeah, but I but I in my brain that also includes demolitions. Sure, because if you're a good getaway, you also know how to blow some shit up.

Fair enough, fair enough.

Yeah, she's the getaway driver.

Ethan and Sarah head outside because they want to observe Galitzin when he leaves. Remember they have they're supposed to get an id on his on his buyer, and they're supposed to apprehend the two of them as well. Ethan tells Hannah that's that is the lovely actress played played by played by Dagmar von Hedwig. He tells her to head to the getaway car with Claire. Unfortunately, while Jack is still sitting on the elevator, it starts to rise,

More hardcore than I remembered it being. And like when I saw it last night, I was like, whoa, yikes.

To be clear, you don't see anything, you hear it. It's the sound effect that is hardcore.

It's the sound of Also the fact I remember when I saw this ineteen ninety six being like, whoa, it killed.

Him in the westvis same You're a scream?

Did early? Drew Barrymore exited that film.

And they do do a good job of creating this very like you think you're gonna be with this team the whole movie.

Yeah, they have so much chemistry, except for the one lady played.

By but you'll know she basically doesn't speak during that first time.

One Marionette lady from the GETO players. I mean, honestly, if you want someone that looks this beautiful, because she looks just like Kate Moss just hired Kate Moss. I don't care if Kate Moss can act. Just the joy of watching Kate Moss in a movie would have been enough.

So Jim tells Ethan Man down, stay where you are. I'm on my way. They don't retrieve Jack's body.

I was thinking about this. That's gonna smell that embassy staff like a week later is gonna be like, there's something in the elevator.

You're a dead rat.

In the fucking elevator bank. That's like claw well because also ostensibly he fucked up the elevator bank with his dead body, and so they're gonna have to be like, can we go get some elevator repairman? And those poor repair men are gonna be like, oh money, yikes.

Yeah.

So Jim rushes through the night. By the way, has Prague ever progged so hard than in this film The Mist This movie is a forty five minute advertisement for Prague. The first forty five minutes it just could not look more beautiful. So he rushes through the night through the mists of Prague. He reports to his team that he has a shadow. He's like, guys, I have a shadow. Everyone aboard, we are being ambushed, like We've already lost a man and now I'm being tailed. Ethan fights back.

Ethan's almost to the bridge. He hears a gunshot and sees on his CCTV that's on his watch, because that's apparently something that they had.

That made me laugh every time someone had one. I think that's from the OGTV show. Okay, I think that's why the technology is both very modern in places in the movie and very old fashioned.

Sure that makes sense. He looks on the CCTV camera. He sees Jim's bloody hands, and he hears Jim say Ethan, and then we cut to the bridge and we see Jim fall over the bridge into the water, covered in blood. He's been shot. He is also dead. Ethan gets there in moments, but the bridge is empty. He looks around for Jim's assailant. He can't see anybody. He tries to tell Sarah to aboard, but alas Sarah has followed orders and cut off her radio.

Okay, Sarah, Yeah, Look, I hate to keep harping on this. She is bad at her job.

Sarah is done dirty by this movie. I don't believe Sarah is as bad as her job as the movie needs Sarah to be in order for the movie to harp it.

I agree. I agree because Sarah, she's about to do something so completely stupid. I'm just like, I literally wanted to reach through the screen and be like, no, no, you don't, you don't have Christin. Scott Thomas played this part.

So Sarah sees Galitsin be yanked into an alcove right She's on this misty riverbank. She walks over, and we cut away as Sarah's walking over.

The fuck, Sarah, the fuck the fuck He's being attacked and you're like, let me go investigate this further.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, we see Hannah played.

By famed actress Dietrick.

On Deutsche Mark getting into the getaway car and then minute she closes the door, the car explodes.

Yep.

So there goes Hannah and ostensibly Claire, who was in the car. Ethan arrives to see that Sarah and Galatson have both been stabbed. Okay, later in the movie, we're gonna get a flashback to this moment. We're gonna see what actually happens. In Sarah's last moment, Sarah sees Galatsen being like vaguely attacked. She sees him like kind of leaning up against a fence.

Yeah, going, oh.

And she just walks up and looks through the assailant in the eye, goes the fuck, and the assailant manages to stab her through the fence. Do you understand if she had stood one foot back.

She'd be fine. She'd be fine, she could be around to help.

He did not jump over the fence, chase her down and stab her in the street. She put her body.

Up against the fence so he could stab her more easily.

Got Yeah, she put her nice little soft torso right up against those fence posts. Yes, so the man could goes stabby sadby through the fence posts. He didn't have to get out of the fucking the other side of the fence to stab Sarah.

That was when I saw that cutback. I was like, how why this is character assassination?

She'd be this, I'm not this bad. I'm not a spy, I would say. I would stand a good five feet away. Honestly, I could get a good glimpse of everything that's going on five feet away from this situation going down, Shit is going down?

Like what the like?

This is dumb? I look, look and I don't look. I don't mind that it's dumb. I'm gonna be honest, I still love this movie, but this is so dumb yep so Ethan arrives just in time to see Sarah and Gilitzen having been stabbed. Sarah dies in his arms. She tries to mumble something, if you already know where the movie is going, you actually do hear what she says, but like the audience doesn't like, can't comprehend it. At the moment, Ethan finds the murder weapon, which is a black knife,

Yep, just like a good spy.

Excellent, No, not ites not Ethan. He tries to find the disc with the stolen lists on Gilitzen. He rifles through his pockets, but it's gone, so whoever stabbed them took the list. The Prague police arrive at Ethan's location and he barely manages to get away before they apprehend him. He runs to a payphone. He does that same thing we saw in War Games, where he takes off the like receiver, puts something in it, puts the receiver back on.

Yeah, Ethan walks to the location that he has been given.

Okay, I'm gonna stop again here because the IMF, which is affiliated with the US government, presumably the Mission Force uh huh, has chosen for their rendezvous with the wanted spy at this moment. Who's being's who's being like like sought by the police. A giant, open air like gaudy blue restaurant that's theme seems to be aquarium. It's it's the restaurant. It's called like something like aquarium in check in the middle of like a being a major town square,

Yeah, and it's also empty though there's no one in this town square.

No one goes to proc exactly so hideous. Why would you?

But I want to be clear about what you're talking about, because you're one hundred percent right. This is nothing. Laugh so hard that Erica is saying is wrong. There is a you go into this, it's kind of like a cafe. Feel you go in. There's an enormous aquarium in the back of the restaurant that you see. But the second floor of the building, the entire second fullloor, is also an aquarium.

Nothing about this The location does not draw the eye.

No correct.

Prague is famously a city of alleyways, of churches, of small dark nooks and crannies where you can meet and rendezvous with someone in total secrecy and privacy. But no, we're gonna We're gonna have our secret meeting in the front of this restaurant that faces the square. All glass, everyone can see every everything.

Yep, okay, okay. So he meets with Eugene Kittridge played by my MVP of this movie, Henry Cherney.

Excellent performance.

Is there's two MVPs of this movie. This is one we haven't yet met. The other one just oozing dickishness from every pore. He he understood the assignment on every level.

Because he's technically a good guy but the but he is also the antagonist yep at the same time, and he's like, yeah, okay, got it, got it.

You may not know who he is. He he looks a little onto any to me without iron gray hair now, because he's had iron gray hair for like twenty years. But if you look this guy up, you'd be like, oh, he played like an evil senator in that movie I saw or that TV show I saw.

He was Revenge.

Yes, he was the dad in Revenge totally all right. So Kittridge is the director of the IMF and Ethan reports what happened. He's being very honest, but he's kind of also like processing things as he's talking. And then he's like, why was there another team on the site, because he realizes that drunk couple that he saw they were on the site too, so that's another team. And he remembers seeing someone on the stairs kind of looking

This mission went sideways.

Really really sideways. Since Ethan was the only one to survive, he is now suspect number one for being the mole. Right, you wanted the list, you thought the Glitzen had it. You killed your entire team and you took the list. Yep, that's the working theory. Also, Kittridge goes on to explain, we looked into your parents and it turns out they came into it a great deal of money suddenly deposited in their account. So that would make sense.

Because unexplained money.

Where did that come from? Kittridge says, you want to shake hands with the devil, that's fine with me. I just want to make sure you do it in hell. Excellent, excellent, that is excellent. And Henry Cherney knows exactly what to do with it. Ethan takes the gum explosive remember the red light green light gum that Jack gave him. He mashed it together. He throws it into the downstairs aquarium, causing an explosion that results in the upstairs aquarium also

Now presumably that whole restaurant, like there was an IMF team in there. He identifies the other agency he saw on the bank and the guy at the party. They're all there watching him. So there's a full IMF team like at this restaurant. He runs away from them. That's

Why is this red snapper flopping around on my plates?

This is not what I signed up for.

Did he notice that Tom Cruise doesn't really do the Tom Cruise run? No, I didn't see he doesn't. He doesn't karate chop the air yet.

He hasn't gotten that.

He's like sixty percent of the way there.

This movie, I think is it's not his first action movie, but like it's I think the first one where he was like, you know what this is.

For me, this is for me, this is my whole It gave him the taste this is.

My whole life from now on.

Yep.

So Ethan heads back to his team hideout to try and formulate his next move. He signs onto what we assume is the IMF server. Okay, what the Internet looked like in nineteen ninety six.

This is hilarious.

It's so funny. He starts searching like a proto internet right, this presumably back in the day when the only people who could use the Internet was like government agencies and stuff, right, because that's what it was for. And he starts researching job number three fourteen in hopes of finding the messages sent between Max and the mole.

He notices email was apparently very not private back then, so not private.

Nothing nothing appears. He like looks up in frustration and he sees a bookshelf in front of him, and there is a Bible front and center, and he goes, hmm, and he realizes that maybe job is job job three fourteen. He goes back on the old computer and he's like, aha, I'm gonna send an email to Max, who I don't know who it is, but I'm gonna send an email to Max at job three fourteen. From job there's no dot com.

Nothing, nothing. He at one point searches Max dot com. Yeah, but what what what?

What the fuck is that? So okay? So he emails Max. First, he emails like a quote from job three fourteen, So I guess Max will know who it is, even though he's emailing anywhere from Joe from job Yeah. And he tells Max that the disc recovered from Glitzen is tainted because it because it really is. He learned that from the IMF guy, right, and they must meet to discuss because he can get Max the real disc. And then he starts sending the same message in other languages.

As Ethan is working, he starts to fall asleep, right is he's not out right genuinely, how your adrenaline should probably keep you up for a good two days this point, like.

It's we're gonna find out in like a few hours. It's four am, so it's currently like I don't know, eleven thirty pm. Yeah, what's your damage?

Ethan?

Why are you so Why are you so tired?

I don't sleep well because of my anxiety the night before a big recording day. Like all right, so he hallucinates Jim. Entering the headquarters, Jim is bloodied. He asks Ethan what he's doing. He says, I needed you, Ethan, you weren't there, and he reaches out to Ethan's shoulder and when he touches him, his hand transforms into a woman's hand. Ethan snaps his head up and throws Claire, Jim's young French wife, Yep, who has actually returned, across

It's so because it is. But also the way he searches her, he like starts under her breasts, Yeah, it still looks somewhat official, Like he doesn't look at he's groping her because she's got she got a nice set of knockers. Let me just put it that way, So like she could be hiding shit under there, that's possible, right, But the way he puts his hands on her, there is an implication that this is not the first time he's put his hands on her. That's the one thing

It's the most sexual charge Tom Crius has ever had with a woman, honestly. Yeah, So he demands to know where she's been for the last four hours. He throws her onto the bed and he hovers over her as she reminds him that they were supposed to return to headquarters at four am. Should Jim call abort? And that kind of pulls him up short, and she just keeps saying four am four o'clock Ethan for four am, because that's I think the extent of the English ability to add.

Lib Yeah, well, she's ostensibly like in shock over the death of her husband's.

Also, why simply not let her say something in French? Here?

Why doesn't she just speak French? And he understands me?

He absolutely understands French.

Right, He's a fucking international spy. He speaks seven languages. Yeah, you're absolutely right. She should have just been speaking French the whole movie and subtitled.

Yeah, so her panic and grief convinces Ethan that she's clean. All right. Look, Ethan knows that Ethan is not the male he I believe, trusts that there is a mole. How is this convincing him that she is not the mall?

I think because he's attracted to her.

Yeah, that's that's what they want it to be. But they've cut out the actual subplot of them sleeping together and her having that power over him. So was that in the mo It was initially in the movie. I know that there was a love triangle, like an actual I.

Mean, the love triangle is still there. These two have such a palpable sexual energy.

You're right, like it's supposed to be that he's he's taken in by her feminine wiles right, which is fine. It just it doesn't feel like enough to me. It doesn't feel like enough to convince this greatest superspy in the world. She should be suspect number one, even if you're not going to like accuse of anything right now. He should be taking everything she says with an enormous grain of salt fair enough.

Ethan tells her that he's been disavowed and is assumed to be the Mole, and he has decided that he is going to get the knocklist that the Mole is after, so that then the mole will find Ethan and he can bring the mole to light. A message finally comes in from Max, giving them instructions for a meetup in Prague Yep. Ethan goes to the meet The apartment for

I love that.

I love everything it stained glass, but like appropriately done in like small locations so that it's just an accent. Oh excellent, so classy. So he goes to the meet in this apartment, he is introduced to Max Guess who plays Max motherfuckers who Dame Vanessa Redgrave.

Acting Triple Crown winner Vanessa Redgrave.

She brings such a like fucking boatload of charisma, every line she purs every line she says in this movie. She's so attracted to Ethan right away, and she's like, we're gonna have such fun together, you and I. This performance is so goddamn good that, honestly, even if the rest of the movie was terrible, I'd be like, I still love this movie.

Vanessa Redgrave made it worth it.

She made it one hundred percent worth it, don't I don't hate this movie. I fucking love this movie.

To be clear, did you notice who won of her henchmen?

Is the blonde one?

The blonde one? No, you loved him in Diehard?

That is him that is him. I was about to say, is he can't be He can't be Klaus from Diehard, Klaus from Yes, Now that you say it, I yes, at his clous and die argy.

Have you called him Odin or Thora, Valkyrie or something?

Ah, he does. He's got like long, gorgeous blonde hair in this movie. In this movie in particular, he is always saddled with like the widest coat known to many. At one point, Ethan so to get to this meetup with Max. Ethan meets this guy first. And this guy is just supposed to nonchalantly be sitting on a on a like a bench in the middle of prog. But he just hey, he's seven feet tall. B he's got he's got Thora's hair, and see he is three feet

She's a catwoman.

Yes, she's ear a kid's catwoman. The only way this movie could be improved is the presence of earth a Kit. That would have been that would have been fucking amazing. Maybe there's two IMF directors. Maybe it's Henry Churney's how you s It's Henry Charney and earth Care and then we get an earth a Kit like an interrogation scene where earth a Kit interrogates someone. It's all I want, It's all I want you guys? Is that too much to ask? Breath the doll? I hear there's a mole in your team?

Is it like the mole that is on my inner left thigh?

Would you care to lick it?

Would you like to see my mole? Ethan Nahan.

Ethan's like, why are you wearing garter belts to this? Nothing but a garter belt and a boosty a to this interrogation?

Did you skip interrogation class in spy college, Ethan? Garter? Is that are in very important?

I went to spa University, Ethan? So okay, So Max is like, okay, well, there's a catch twenty two here. If I don't boot up the disc, then I have to just take your word for it. And if I do boot up the disc and you're right, then the IMF will descend, so they're gonna test it. Sure enough, he is correct. The IMF comes a colin and Max and her team usher Ethan out of their hideout before the IMF can arrive. They make a quick getaway because Ethan has been proven correct. Paul, the IMF again super

Yeah, what the fuck? When I first saw them, I was like, Oh, I guess they're going in is I thought they're going as painters. That's they had like cover. I was like, Oh, they're trying to act as if they are like construction workers. Are They're going into paint the walls or something.

Every single time these people try to go undercover, they go more overcover, don't overcover. You want to undercover, you're undercovering, Do not over Do not wear a sign on your neck that says I am overcover.

We should have been tracking how many overcover moments that are in this movie?

Oh, I've already I've been tracking them. There's there's there's Homburg von Liesel wearing like a fucking disco get up at at an embassy party. There's, now that I think about it, the drunk Russians, which even even in nineteen ninety six, I was like, those two are spies.

That they're too drunk, they're too Russian.

Frankly, way too drunk and to Russian. Those two are spies. And now this crew there's gonna be one later in the movie that is so insane, like so insane.

Dondle. We got the Dorndle their overcover. So we cut to Inspector Gadget, I mean, Kittrid. He has decided that he's.

Even got a Penny. There's a young woman with him on his team and she's dressed like Penny from Inspector Gadget.

Sorry, that's a deeper Inspector Gadget cut than I would be able to do. I don't know if I've ever seen inspector gadget. But Kittridge just decided that Ethan's in the wind. The only way to get him at this point is to get personal. He says, you find something that's important to him and you squeeze. So good, He's really good. In the car with Max, Max is just Eartha kitting all over the place. She is purring, like Erica said, she's practically like kneading his chest.

Yeah, she's got her tongue in his ear.

Oh. Yes. Ethan asks for ten million dollars for the knocklist and her assurance that she will get the actual job, the actual mole. At the exchange, Max is like delighted in his in his impudence and asking her.

This, I love a man with a plan.

Yes. We cut back to headquarters. Claire is there and she starts including herself in Ethan's plans to get the knocklist. Ethan surprised. He's like, are you sure that you want to do this? And she says, look, I want that guy killed, Jim. I want to get that son of a bitch. Ethan says, well, we're gonna need help, and he pulls up a list of other disavowed I am F.

Agents, which is just the thing they have. I guess it's like a Yellow Pages during disavowed IMF.

Agents actual yellow Pages. It's like starting looking for burnt spies.

Comma disavowed.

Spies, Comma in the cold, hashtag Europe, what spies mating undercover? We're looking for ones that want to go overcover.

Overcover spies, spies within one hundred miles of prog.

Erica. Would you believe we're already halfway through this masterpiece?

I love this movie. I don't know if you could tell.

You are giddy. Yeah, I haven't seen you this giddy without the help of alcohol in years, not since point Yeah, all right, we are going to put a couple of commercials here. We will be right back and finished taking you through Mission Impossible. And we're back.

We cut to a train where Ethan and Claire are meeting with hacker Luther Stickle played by Ving Raims, and Ace pilot Franz Krieger played by Jenna the Deeply.

Maybe that's why we decided that woman's name was German, because we're talking about how German named Franz Krieger was.

Yeah by by the Deeply French by the Gallic Genna.

Franz Kreeger from the lesser known Croissant district in Berlin.

So okay, both Luther and Krieger are reluctant to agree to, you know, break into Langley, which is what Ethan is is asking them, asking them to do. Ethan appeals to their egos. He's like, look, you are the greatest hacker in the history of hackers. You hacked I can't remember what they with an example that some bank or whatever, and he's like, I didn't do that job. But if I did, but what a beautiful piece of work, What

Yeah.

And then the third is a pressure sensitive floor that can be set off by a single droplet of water, And then at like they show the man who actually works in there putting down a sweaty glass of like ice water on his desk. Yeah, and he walks away for a second and then the water drops to the like a droplet falls to the floor and sets off the alarm. And that's just to show the audience what

That guy's name is William don Low. He will come back. I had a question, like, is this his office? This is where he works? He reports to work. He goes into this We didn't even get into the outer the outer security measures to get into the vault, Like, he's only the internal vault security measures. Yeah, and he sits there with no windows and like, does computer CIA analyst work?

It looks like an Apple store.

It does.

Where he's sitting. He looks like a windowless Apple.

Store, only considerably less welcoming.

Ha. Yeah, and he's just sitting there all day by himself, like, yeah, no, wonder he's setting off the alarm by accident. Yeah, this poor guy's job sucks. So the way our team is going to get in is through a ducked thirty feet above the floor, which is protected I quote unquote Lasernet that is so easily disabled. I won't even go into it. Luther asks if Ethan really thinks they can do it, and Ethan smiles and says, we're going to do it.

Single scene, it never would have gotten old.

I would have I would have applauded every time.

Do you want to hear it? You want to hear a very embarrassing theater story about this missions song. Yes, one of my first acting jobs out of college, I was on a tour. It was a children's theater tour and it was a play about math, and it was it was genuinely so stupid. At the end of the play, my character had to figure out how to like solve some I don't remember what it is, but they had a it was a dance to the mission impossible theme.

I do you remember the dance?

I truly and genuinely could not do a single step of it. I don't remember anything about it.

I need to see that. I want to describe it to the listeners as you do it.

I'm so. I honestly I would if I could, but I can't, So I won't.

Son of a bitch. Now we have blue balls.

So we cut to Langley and our team is undercover as firefighters.

This is the one I was talking about earlier. You guys, they are going hard overcover.

How how do you embed yourself in a fire department in the space of let's generously say three days.

No no, no, no, no, Paul. They did not embed themselves in a fire department. They went to the Halloween Adventure shop and bought the cheapest looking firefighter uniforms because that's what they're wearing. They could. They look so stupid, It looks so dumb.

But like they drive in with four other fire trucks. There are actual firefighters on the premises.

Huh, you're actually right, How did they do that?

Doesn't make any sense? It's like, really, the implication is that Luther sets off the fire alarms somehow. Yeah, so that's why there's a response. It doesn't matter. Again, who cares? It doesn't matter. But it's like the only three firefighters we see running in are Genre No, who's a fairly large man.

Yeah, looks like a firefighter.

Tom Cruise athletic, athletic built like a brick shit house, five to six on a good day.

But still firefighter.

And ninety pounds, soaking wet, who is so weighed down by the equipment that she can barely.

Run wayfish wayfish. Emmanuel Bart No, No, I'm with you.

I'm with you.

This looks dumb. Okay, here's how I'm gonna here's I'm going to justify the other stuff because I did forget that there were other fire trucks. There is a cut to like a bunch of fire trucks. They're going to other because Langley is not just one building, it's a complex. They're going to other buildings. Okay, these three splinter off

A security guard leads them into Sector twenty one, which is gonna give them access to the duck system that they need. The two men stay with him, but Claire peels off from the group in that super surreptitious way you can when you're dressed in head to toe.

Yellow, bright ary yellow.

She ducks into an office. By the way, these are not empty halls. There are CIA analysts around.

That's the thing. Like if a fucking firefighter crew shows up to your office, your eye goes to them.

What's going on? Do I need to lead?

Do I need to evacuate? They're all wearing such yellow outfits.

She changes into CIA analyst drag. She re emerges, and she intercepts Don Lo. Don Lo is the guy that works in the little office that we were talking about a minute ago, sad room, the sad windowless room in the apple store inside of Langley. She intercepts him in the cafeteria. She puts something in his coffee, and she puts a little tag on him, so Luther can now track his whereabouts within Langley.

Perfect. Meanwhile, Ethan and Franz Franz Kreeger, the frenchiest German person ever, are getting ready for their part. Kreeger will be lowering Ethan into the vault so he can retrieve the Knochilis from the computer. There. Okay, even if you've never seen this movie, you have a thousand percent this scene. The scene is so famous, it's on like every Oscar

It looks like it.

It looks like one of those paper cutters, like long paper cutters. They disable the Lasernet, they open the grate, and they get started lowering Ethan into the vault. There's a brief scare where don Low goes into the room like whatever Claire gave him has not activated yet, so he goes into the room. Ethan is like, just like, like I just did.

He's spider manning.

He's spider manning over the man. Yeah, I'm like I just realized no one can see me.

Visual medium.

Yeah, he's spider manning over him. That don Lo takes some tombs to try to help his tomb toumb doesn't work. He vomits into a waste paper basket and is like and like runs out of the room to go to the bathroom and like throw up his guns.

Yes can I I just want to put a point here for William don Low. He takes the garbage with him and he cleans it. Yeah, good man, Yeah, as you should say.

I mean, I wouldn't leave the garbage in the room with the vomit in it, but I might be the person who takes it to the bathroom and just is like, can someone get someone in the bathroom? Someone's vomited in there.

You're real piece of shit. Talk about the disrespect of custodial workers everywhere. Big Janitor just turned off this podcast and will not be coming back.

Also, I blamed it on someone else.

You did that? Oh no?

Yeah, yeah, I called it in anonymously and I'm like, hey, uh, I don't know who did it. Honestly, I would put it in the men's room, So just throw this set off of me. Even more.

I was actually worried. He was going to make his assistant clean it up, like if you just put it out her desk, but because needs to be cleaned, which he didn't. No, no, yeah, all right, so Ethan is floating in the air, he sets about copying the knocklist onto his desk. I would just like to point out that all of this technology that we have, we have a laser net defeater, we have we have something to

Yeah, yeah, like just to like, so it's something that makes some level of sense break Yeah, although I mean again, Jean Renaul is very big.

He's very big, but.

He's not He's not Arnold Schwarzeninger, even Arnold Schwarzenegger.

You're just holding the dead weight of one hundred and fifty pounds on a rope. You don't even have grips, Like if he had if even they had put clamps on the rope for him, so he had act He's just holding a rope, yeah, with his gloved hands. Short jan, Okay, The problem begins when Krieger spots an approaching rat.

This I felt triggered watching this. I felt deeply triggered.

He drops the rope for a moment, regaining his hold with Ethan mere inches above the floor. Ethan is arching his back like a like a first day student in a yoga class, trying to do a bo pose like he is. He is just barely not touching the ground. We cut back up to the duct. The rat is dead somehow that I don't know how that happens.

I'm really glad movie did not show me whatever that was. But I'm glad it happened. I'm not sorry it happened, y'all.

But Ethan is still swinging inches from the floor. He sees a droplet of sweat on his glasses. He manages to catch it in his hand before it hits the ground.

Amazing.

Don Lowe finishes puking and doing whatever else he may or may not be doing in that bathroom. We don't know how many ends he's losing it at he starts to come back, and Luther reports time to go, and Franz starts hoisting Ethan back up again, only no cranking, just hand over hand, hand over hand.

Well, because there was a like a like a pulley system earlier, but that has been disabled. There was something that made the rope oh yes.

Yes, yes, more smoothly.

Yeahfore, but that that's whatever happened with the rat that's gone. Yeah.

So Ethan collects the disc which has copied the knocklist back on his way up, he starts taking all the equipment back like they had a temperature gauge to make sure the temperature wasn't rising. The friction of the rope that is now no longer on the pulley it starts to get almost loud enough to set off the sound alarm. They manage in the seconds between don Lo ultimately disabling all of these systems so he can enter the room. In that split second, some kind of mechanical thing that

This actor really excellent performance. He looks up and like, we see what he sees, and everything's in place.

Laziernet is back, Lasernet is back.

The gorilla is on. Nothing's going on above his head. He's like, wait a minute, though, but someone was in this room. He signs onto his computer and he realizes that there was a file downloaded a minute ago, a minute before he re entered the room, and he goes, oh no. He reports the breach immediately, but finds out he's already too late. The team has set off a smoke bomb and escapes in the fire truck, leaving Kittridge raging through Langley.

Do you think maybe they would suspect the fire men of being plants at this point, the only people to enter to enter this place in the last hour and beat one room over from this. Maybe it was the fire peak, Maybe it was the fireman.

Maybe you think, yeah, you think it was the three canaries that walked in here dressed as Halloween Adventure of firefighters.

Yeah, so we cut to London. The team is getting ready to make contact with Max. Kreeger tells Ethan he's not going to any meetings without him, right, so there's an antagonism between the two of them.

Yeah, there's a dick swinging contest. If I'm being perfectly honest.

Claire will say it clearly later in the scene. They kind of reference it in the first scene when they meet them on the train, but he is her contact. She brings Kreeger in. Yeah, so Kreeger's like, look, you're not going anywhere without me. You're not going any meetings with Max without me, because I'm the one who has the knock list because he and he takes out the discs that he took from from Ethan at the at Langley all contrare. Ethan says he swapped discs with a

And he didn't even learn it for this movie. You know that Tom Cruise has like is like a hole. Like when you go to his house and you know, he doesn't drink alcohol, probably because scientologists right, he's probably He probably serves you weird food that you don't want to eat and no alcohol, and then he makes you watch him do close up magic all night.

I went to a restaurant recently.

I bet you Nicole Kinman was so triggered by this movie.

Memi Rogers was like.

No, Mimie Rogers saw him do like two seconds of close up magic, and she's like, I have to go.

Home to go, I have to go. I went to this restaurant recently, you know how like some rest trun like jazz brunch or whatever like they have like oh god, and I was like, yes, let's do it, because I was like, this is going to be so awkward. I like, I was like, put it in my veins. I want to I want to know the man that's making his money going table to table at this local Brooklyn restaurant doing close up magic. But unfortunately the party I was with was like, no, no, I don't want it.

You needed me there. I love that you had the chaos demon energy. You never have the chaostemon energy.

And that time I was I was so in.

Yes, I'll go with you. Okay, let's do some close up brunch magic.

Let's do it. Okay. So Kreeger and Ethan are sparring with each other until Franz and Anger throws the decoy in the garbage and leaves and he like throws a bunch of things off Ethan's desk.

He has a snit.

He has a snit? What's the French word for a snit? Ethan picks up the Bible that that Kreeger knocked to the floor in Anger and he opens it. It's the Bible that he's been looking at all along to find Joe three fourteen, and he sees it's from the Drake Hotel in Chicago. Rut Row. This doesn't really prove anything when you think about it, Like, it just proves that maybe Jim's kind of a dick who takes the drawer Bible out of it.

So why is he taking the drawer Bible?

Yet? You have money, you're a super spy. I presume you're compensated reasonably.

Well, No, we actually find out later he earns sixty two thousand dollars a year that he tells us Paul that's only one hundred and thirty thousand dollars in today's money, fairly enough to buy a bible.

You can't buy a bible, I bet you know if you know.

What a Bible costs these days.

If you go to what ch're still give you a Bible for free. They are losing congregants.

Yeah, yeah, you could. You could ask for fifty Bibles and they'll be like, yeah.

Yes, sure, to your house. Absolutely. So Claire comes over, she apologizes for bringing Krieger in, and then she says she's going to get some sleep, and she like hesitantly kisses Ethan on the cheek. So she goes to get some sleep. Ethan retrieves the disc from the garbage and he gives it to Luther. There was a moment earlier when they were doing a job in Langley when Luther realized that they were stealing the knocklist, and he was audibly shocked on the radio. He's like, what are you doing?

Because you understand the consequences. Yeah, Luther, you know, we don't actually find out why he was disavowed. I bet in a later movie we do. Yeah, I bet it because he's in all the Mission Impossibles.

All of them, him and Tom Cruise.

Him and Tom Cruise are the only two constants really, and then later on there's Simon Pegg will be like in a bunch of them.

But like, I feel like I have lost on Cinematrix because I presume Simon Pegg was in all of the Mission Impossible.

So yeah, I kind of wanted him to be in this one. I was like, oh, he's not in this one yet. I think he shows up to like this or third one. Yeah, So these two have a like it's clear he has integrity. We don't know what he did to like the CIA to dump him, but like he's a good guy.

Yeah.

So Claire calls Ethan into the room where you know, where she was trying to sleep, and she shows him the TV. There's a news report announcing that Ethan's mother and uncle have been arrested as drug kingpens in Iowa or wherever they're from. I just want to remind the audience that this is London. They're in London. Yeah, I can't imagine like the London local news being like, by the way, there was a drug arrest in Iowa. That's

I'm sure most people in London think New York, Los Angeles, maybe Chicago and Texas, those four points, Miami and maybe New Orleans, yeah, those five to six points and other than that, everything is just America is big.

Yeah, the middle. Yeah. But like I genuine I was that that, Like, that's so stupid that this local news in London, But regardless, it works. Ethan watches as his mom and his uncle get purp walked. Ethan calls the IMF from a payphone, and Kittridge assures him that all the charges will be dropped the moment he comes in. Ethan, playing cat and mouse, tells Kittridge, if you think I murdered my entire team, why do you think I care about my own family?

Yeah?

And He hangs up the phone before they can fully trace the call, but the IMF now knows that Ethan is in London. It's almost like Ethan wanted it that way.

Ethan hangs up the payphone. There's a large man in a trench coat that very noticeably moved into frame while he was on the phone with Kittridge.

Someone who's also overcover.

Yeah, he's wearing a trench coat and a hat. He turns around to face Ethan and it's Jim. Jim, you're alive, Jim, Oh my goodness. Jim says you're a hard man to catch up with and coughs in pain, and we just cut to the two of them debriefing. Jim is still in a bad way from the attack, and he tells Ethan that Kittridge is the one who shot him and Ethan goes, oh my god, that Tom Cruise way. Yes.

Ha played by Strudel, just Strudel. Strudel can't think of a second word, can't think of a second German word.

So we see Claire detonating the bomb. But then Ethan corrects himself Kittridge could also have detonated it, and we see a flashback where Jim crawls out of the river and detonates the bomb. Right this is telling us is that Ethan is telling Jim that he believes him Kittridge did all this, but he has put together that it was actually Jim who did it with Krieger. But what he doesn't know is whether or not Claire was actually involved.

Yes, I just think this is so well done. It also goes to like it makes Ethan seem smarter, right, like we now we know that Ethan knows because he's not a dumb dumb what actually went down. This is what I meant earlier when I said the movie makes it just easy enough for the audience to solve without us, like, without us feeling like, oh, this is dumb.

Yeah, I guess because you're not ahead of Ethan at the end of the scene, but you are ahead of Jim, so you still get to feel like you're ahead of the movie.

One hundred, yeah, one hundred. So Ethan looks up and he asks Jim, but why why would kittridge this? And Jim Jim gets a little somber and he says, well, one day you wake up and you realize that you're obsolete with a lousy marriage and sixty two grand a year because the Cold War is over and god damn it, weren't those the good old days?

Don't you remember the Q missile crisis? What fun?

What fun that was for the rest of us, Coming out of the mouth of John Voight, super interesting. Yeah, that's that's not the movie's fault. Doesn't understand what it's doing here. He doesn't understand the context. It's it's creating, but it's just super interesting, right.

It's also interesting. It's almost like John.

Voy is saying, we should make America great again.

Yeah, a little bit. It's also interesting that, like because of I'm watching this thirty years after the movie was released, and I have a relationship with John Voight, the person he comes on screen in the beginning of the movie, and I'm like, he's the bad guy, like immediately, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And also if you're playing by like you know Colombo rules, right, You're like, well, the famous guy, the other famous guy is dead, so this is the other famous guy in the movie. It's him.

He's a bad guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And Kristin Scott Thomas is not famous enough to be the famous bad guy yet. Yeah. But I wonder if you remember in nineteen ninety six, like, did you have that reaction or were you surprised by this time?

I was surprised, Okay. Well, Also, so I saw the movie with my mom, and I remember she had a very strong negative reaction to this twist. She watched Mission Impossible, but she was like a teenager and she loved the TV show, and so she was so pissed that the character for mission impossible. It's the bad guy in the movie.

Well, Nadia, Elena, at least you can know that the original actor said fuck you to this script ah and wouldn't do it.

That's nice. My mom doesn't listen to this. Yeah no, but seriously though, like she she had a really strong reaction to it. And I think that they were banking on that that the older generation watching the movie would would assume this has got to be It's like, what if Tom Cruise had turned out to be the bad guy, We'd all be like what Yeah, I kind of remember being shocked.

Yeah, so again.

Jim gives Ethan basically all the information as to why someone like him would turn Jim promises Ethan they're gonna go after Kittridge big time, and Ethan says, oh no, we won't have to. He's gonna come after us. After all, we have the knocklist. Jim is like, good job, Ethan. He seems very impressed, and Ethan tells Jim the plan to trade the list for job on the train the following day. We're gonna catch Kittridge on the train.

Ye.

Jim asks Ethan not to tell Claire that he's still alive until after the job is done, He's like, this is a lot for Claire to take in. She's you know how women are. You can't tell them their husband's dead and then three days later tell them their husband's alive again. Bitches be crazy.

He says this line, God knows what she's had you to forget about me. It's been like generously two weeks.

It's no, it's been forty eight hours or some shit. God knows what she's had to do to forget about me. Is the implication, like you two have been boning down there.

I think that's where that line comes from. That like that that you guys have been fucking.

Yeah, you guys have started to get together. She was just waiting for her creepy old husband to die, which fair, fair, Yeah, And Ethan's like, yeah, you're right, I shouldn't tell Claire.

Ethan heads back to their hideout. Claire is sitting on the floor in a sleeping bag in the corner of the room. Sure, whatever trauma, it's clearly she was supposed to look like the little match girl, I guess or something. I don't know.

I actually had a visceral response to this scene when I was like younger when I was sixteen and they like the look on her face and her being on the floor, I got annoyed. I was like, come on, she is a grown ass fucking super spy. Why did they keep playing her like she's just like, oh no, I'm so vulnerable? Like fuck off.

He tells her the drop is tomorrow and she reaches out her hand for his. He gives her his hand and she rubs his hand against her face and starts kissing it.

As we fade out, these two do bone down here, right? They have to like it seems to be the implication those kid. She's not a gentle dry kiss, She's like tongueing his hand.

Yes. We briefly cut to Kittridge receiving two tickets to the train and he heads to get on board because he's just landed in London. Remember he found out that Ethan was in London.

Did just land in London?

Paul?

This is how much money this fucking movie has. He lands in a helicopter in front of Tower Bridge January. I'm not kidding, it's Tower Bridge, helicopter down. Henry Churney gets out of the helicopters like what reads a note? There was no reason to set the scene here.

It must be so interesting to be one of those actors like Henry Cherney who's like a journeyman actor, who like, I just got off of Mission Impossible that had all the money in the world, and now I'm gonna go do an indye that has like a two million dollar budget, and what like the different work experiences must be not that one is necessarily even better, Just like the entire vibe.

The one where I get to fly in a helicopter over Tower Bridge is better. I'm just gonna tell you that.

Right now.

On the train Max, Max is back. Thank god I missed her. Max receives a phone call from Ethan. He tells her that the disc is attached to like a thing under her seat. She she it's like an OPRAH episode. He's like, and you get a call, and you.

Get a knock list, and you get a knocklist, and you get a knock.

Everyone looked under your seats. She starts to load up the list and it starts to load correctly, and she is satisfied. She tells him, but his payment is in the baggage car. Thank you for your service, sir, He says, what about job and She says, don't worry. When you go to get the money, job will be there. Job will find you. Max and her associates keep trying to download the knocklist, but Luther is right next to them,

We cut to Claire. She reports to Ethan that Kittridge is on the train and he tells her to meet him in the baggage car, so we follow Claire back. She enters the baggage car where Jim is sitting, but she's not surprised. Erica No, She says Ethan is right behind her, and is it such a good idea to kill him? She says, they can take the money and Ethan can take the blame. No one else has seen Jim alive. No one will believe Ethan's story and Erica. Jim reaches up and he pulls off his mask to

Joe know what that is why they had to have him sitting? Down, yeah and now That i'm now that you're saying it out loud Because jim is sitting, Down and when she walks in and she's, Like, jim should we really kill? Him And i'm, like there's no way they could have Had tom cruise.

Anyway just like he's standing behind. Something you look back and he's saying a little like a little like fruit. Box. Uh So ethan says he's very sorry to hear her say, that and then from behind, him the Real jim appears and Holds ethan at. Gunpoint oh, No claire is against. Him jim's against. Him what Was ethan hunt to? Do oh?

No claire's, like why if you knew About, jim why go through with these? Messquerades? Fun And jim actually is the one who says it to. Her he's, like, girl did haven't you figured it out by? Now it's because he needed to be sure about. You he he figured me out. Early, yeah now we know That jim, knows That ethan, knows And claire is the only one That ethan wasn't sure, about which is why he continued the.

Masquerade maybe she's not a super, spy maybe she's the nubie on the.

Team SO i have a theory that doesn't play out but like in the, movie but that like because because their marriage is so, weird not just the age difference or the hotness, difference although there is that these two have no. Chemistry at no point in the movie do they, kiss do they hold, hands do they even sit next to each? Other SO i have a theory That claire And jim are actually, married like they went through with it and got, married but they're a spy. Team this

Wife, hmmm like bible burno.

Sick burn Bro LIKE i guess because for, this like like the one left in the audience who was, like oh my, god he. Knew claire's like you all, right let's get the money and. Run she's like get let's get out of. Here And jim's, like you're absolutely. Right So ethan hands the. Money it's, like it's like. COUPON'S i don't.

KNOW i don't.

KNOW i don't know how money.

Works you guys travel travelers. CHECKS i don't.

Know he was, like, BONDS i don't know how many. Works i'm not. Lying i'm, Like i'm, like he may as well have handed him a personal check for ALL i. Know And jim And claire are about to get away without having Killed, ethan which we'll put a pin in. That and Then ethan, says But, claire you're wrong about one. Thing And i'm, like why haven't they left?

Yet.

Leave ethan very slowly takes a pair of glasses out of his pocket and puts them on and stares At jim and, Goes i'm not the only one to have Seen jim. Alive you should have shot. Him you had twenty seconds between him taking the glasses. Out you could have shot the glasses out of his. Hand, yeah you could have karate chopped the glasses out of his. Hand why did you wait until he put the glasses?

On, yeah and He why didn't? You why did you not just have the glasses on the whole, Time, ethan the whole?

Time, yeah, well because of the face, rip but then put them on right after, that right After, meanwhile we cut quickly To, kittridge and we See kittridge looking at his transmitter watch AS cctv, watch and he Sees jim is. Alive.

Mm, also he could have he could have brought the glasses out before the ten million dollar. Handoff you just gave the criminals ten million dollars for no. Reason do what you did at.

The beginning of the, movie and put the glasses on a. Shelf, yeah the baggage.

Cart So jim, reacts he shoots and Kills claire rather Than ethan for some. REASON i don't know why he's Shooting.

Claire she's a weak. Link, FRANKLY i do know why he's Shooting.

Claire that's that's a good. Point he should tell, Her i've shot you because you were bad at, this BUT i think.

IT'S i think that kind of gives credence to my, theory, right that they're actually just like spy. Partners they're not actually a married.

Couple. Uh he Knocks ethan to the, floor doesn't shoot him no.

Reason because he actually Loves, ethan and he.

Flees ethan grieves briefly Over claire before hearing a helicopter proaching and Following jim to the top of the. Train, krieger that's genre, No the Deeply French German Franz kreeger is piloting the copter to pick Up, jim who was crawling towards the back of the. Train ethan manages this is like a minutes long. SEQUENCE i am.

So good high speed. Train remember this is A european train that it's not a choo Choo american. Train it's a real fucking.

Train they PUT i think they Put Tom. CRUISE i can't remember where. It like it's maybe a zero gravity simulator or something to make his.

Face, yes so they can't do that To John boyd because after fifty you really can't do.

That skin just strips right, off like.

That's not shade On john, boyd you can't do that to me.

Either so they both get to the back of the. Train ethan manages to hook the helicopter's carabiner onto a convenient hitch on the actual. Train as the train is speeding towards the. Chunnel, erica holy, shit there's gonna be a hell helicopter crash. Nop krieger is such a great pilot that he steers the helicopter into the chunnel and continues to follow the.

Train, Boner just such a boner for the. Scene it's so.

GOOD i was thinking of you the whole.

TIME i want you to, know thank, you thank. You in the, Chunnel jim continues to gesture To krieger get closer to me now as he's hanging off the side of the giant moving. Train it's Very it's so funny, too because you can see the, distinction Like Tom cruise Is Tom. Cruise they show his face the whole, time like you, know it's Really Tom cruise doing some. Stunt it's not the level Of Tom cruise stunt that's gonna happen in later, movies but it's a it's a for real.

STUNT i see it grows more and more convinced of his own. Invincibility yeah.

Yeah, meanwhile they cut to the person pretending to Be John voyte and they jumpsuit and full like domino mask to hide his. Face kreeger manages to get the helicopter close enough to the train That jim manages to grab hold of one of the copter's, pontoons which is a Word i'm learning right.

NOW i think it's a. PONTOON i don't know that that landing. THING i think it's a. PONTOON i could be, wrong but we're going with. Pontoons, okay a.

Pontoon so Now jim is hanging off the. Helicopter ethan gets, closer, Closer he's trying to get as close as he, can but he's still stuck on the. Train, meanwhile by the, way there is a whole drama happening behind both of these, men with a train conductor another another traumatized train. Conductors this has become an epidemic In. Hollywood now Now i'm blaming us for trained conductor like, epidemic a.

CRISIS i have a question about this train, Conductor. Erica they did cast the man because he looked Like wallace From wallace In gramet.

Right, No, paul that's just What british men look. LIKE i mean they wanted mister they couldn't match his.

Ring Rowan atkinson was, like if you mentioned my, right if you match my D i'll.

Genuinely was like there was a conversation where they were, like should we just Cast Rowan atkinson and make this make this a, comedy Make Mission impossible a full, comedy because they the performance this actor is giving is mister. Bean So ethan is stuck to the like THE i want to say the hood of the. Train that's not what it, is but it's the windshield of the. Train And, krieger who like throughout the movie it's been like dropped in a little, bit but he is a full fucking.

Song ethan looks At jim and he shows him another piece of explosive gum that he got From jack From amelia Estebez we back in the beginning of the. Movie this is why there should have been a pack of, gum or two pieces of gum given to, him because we've seen. One where did he get the other at the hideoutably Presumably. Yeah he puts it on the copter's glass.

Him fuck, Yeah, USA.

Usa the train speeds along as As krieger And jim meet their fiery doom of the helicopter crashing and exploding behind. Them ethan flattens himself as everything starts to grind to a. Halt the train finally, stops the helicopter screeches, forward the blades keep, turning finally stopping with the helicopter blade mirror inches From ethan's.

Throat, amazing. Amazing they do have another final cut to the conductor and that man just gives.

Face he's, like he gives, face and then he gives faint and then he faces.

That away, perfect no. Notes we cut back To luther on the. Train he has Brought kittridge To, max and Now max has been. Exposed she's, like my lawyers are gonna have a field day with. This you'll Never i'll never see. Time don't you. Understand I'm Vanessa. Redgrave i'm immune to your legal. System And, kittridge being a company man but also a very smart, man, goes, WELL i

To help you. Out i'm SURE i have something that you.

NEED i everything About. Max it just makes me so.

Happy we cut To ethan And. Luther they're getting a beer at the. Pub luther is back in THE. Imf he Asks ethan to join, him And ethan, SAYS i just don't know Why i'd be doing, it and he heads off for his. Flight he gets on His delta flight seven SIXTEEN yep to parents to go visit his newly released parents or a mother and, uncle whatever it. Was the flight attendant comes up and asks him if you'd like to watch a. Movie he says, no thank.

Erica if, OKAY i actually am taking a flight in like a week from. Today if my fucking flight attendant does not offer me a mission, Impossible i'm giving zero reviews on, yelps zero stars on. Yelp ye on That delta. Flight, yeah if that flight attendant does walk up to me and, go would you.

Care for the?

Cinema EXCEPT i want To ruba's, good BUT i don't like the.

Humidity so.

CAN i interest you in the cinema Of oslo.

Something to take some of the heat. Off, yeah, exactly, gotcha.

GOTCHA i Think i'd be an Excellent nordic.

Spy you would, be thank. You speaking of people who would stick out, somewhere though you would be overcovered just by your looking In. Norselands all, right everyone stick, Around we're gonna be right back after these messages with our random observations and final.

Rankings du du, dud and we're. BACK i apologize for that sound in your. Ears that could not have felt.

Good i'm going to lower the volume on.

That, yeah the way that felt.

Good, sorry we'll do a fade in.

On, That, paul should you choose to accept, it give me some random.

OBSERVATIONS i have a really a really small, one, okay but in the, beginning wouldn't. Small it's, average it's, average it gets a job. DONE i haven't any. Complaints i'm talking about my. Penis you guys in the beginning when they're when When jim is getting his mission right and they're showing all of the dossiers of all of the spies and like the their their. Aliases the last name

Douchet they Watched Top gun and they're.

Like, Douche. Douche we had a Whole douche riff on TOP i remember that. One, yeah that was a good.

One the scene at the beginning of the movie when they're like in the fake hotel room and like she's under for some, reason and Like ethan has to give her a shot to like wake her, up like an adrenaline shot or. Something whatever it was that needle was so, thick did you?

Notice, yeah, yeah it was like a ten gage or.

Whatever not, cool, guys not. Cool do not show me a close up of that needle going into someone's. SKIN i don't want to see.

It, oh, needles don't bother me in the slightest.

Whoa that was just too much.

Needle too much. Needle, also like that should people say about my. Penis that's why.

They call you needle. Dick, absolutely that's why your nickname in college was Needle.

Dick.

Yeah, yeah because it was too thick and it gave you fifty c seeds.

Fifty seeds of pure. Love, Okay so in the scene where has to go and uh poison Essentially william Don, low the guy From. Langley, yeah there's all these tables. Around she goes and she sits so close to.

Him this is hot girl.

Privilege this is it's so hot girl. Privilege BUT i would almost prefer it if they made that clear because he doesn't even Ignot like if someone sat that close to, ME i would automatically look at. Them, yeah be, like why are you not taking the chair and just sitting on The LIKE i get, it public, Space like you're gonna have to share a table the. Stranger that's not What i'm talking. About i'm, like she is so close to him that she can just reach out and gently

They're at the coffee. Station, yeah just be, LIKE i don't, know like nice tie and like start a conversation with him so that there's a reason for her to be that.

Close. Yeah, yeah she's clearly the honeypot of the, team Although hannah could also be the. Honeypot, like so they're all gorgeous, women they're all movie stars, whatever but like she doesn't have a purpose of. That she's a getaway, specialist which means she can drive like she drives real.

Good, paul we never once watched her drive in, this not once that. Once, yeah just one line THAT i thought was, funny AND i wonder if it was An emelio estiv as like a special he's showing him the he's Showing ethan the like the, gum the two toned, gum and he's, like, uh you, know be careful with this or Else astilazania don't Get. ANYANYA yea love. IT i don't. Care that's. Good that's just good. Writing this is good writing.

Or good living whatever may be.

Living, Right it's, like don't chew this by accident or, Else, alazanna don't Get.

ANYANYA i can't imagine a screenwriter typing the words, yeah don't get Any anya into final. DRAFT i like actually can't picture. It.

Ah, Yeah amelia came in with. That, yeah they had they had another. One so so another sort of cheeky, one And emilia was, like you, KNOW i have a thing that my dad used to. Say CAN i say?

That it's going to get my?

Dad Martin, Sheen Martin, Sheen, guys, EVERYONE i don't know if you all know. This my dad IS i fill icon On Martin. Sheen, yeah that's Why i'm. Here it's kind of Why i'm.

Here you know, How i'm good looking Young Martin sheen is actually even better looking than me when he's. Young.

Yep, yeah you know, How i'm the third hottest guy in my family, somehow and yet this is WHAT i look.

LIKE i only have one. More it's A it's at the scene where Their max and her team intentionally boot up the desk to try to draw THE imf, there and they're at this gorgeous, building apartment building that you want to limit In, prague, Right, Yeah THE imf. Arrives as we've, Discussed Henry cherney's dressed like Inspector. Gadget the rest of the team is in like these long white tarps that they're wearing over. Them they go. In there's an old woman vacuuming the. Hallway she notices the team's

Sleep do you think she was vacuuming. Faster she's, like Maybe i'll finish before whatever this is.

HAPPENS i gotta get this. Done BUT i do not want to be a part of. THIS i Have no one's ever said that about.

My, Penis no ever, Ever you, GUYS.

I love that we're getting a riff about my. Penis going four fifths of the way through this. Episode it took a. While it took a, while but we found it much like it takes its, time but it's worth every. Second, okay yeah, yeah.

Yeah yeah, Yeah like a. Needle little it's gonna hurt a little at first for some.

Reason like a needle that can pierce the.

Skin it's better if you look. AWAY i only have one more, too and this is like another. LOOK i unapologetically love this, movie but it is. Dumb it is very. Dumb and one of one of my favorite dumb things is When ethan is explaining To kreeger And luthor how they're gonna break Into langley and they're going through like the whole thing that Dun low has to do to get into that, room and it's like there's a voice recognition piece and then there's an eye, scanner and then

Step shouldn't the final step be like his blood or something like, That like.

Start with the key. Cards that seems the easiest one to. Fake why are we making that the last. One oh, GOSH i love this, Movie. Paul how are we gonna Rank Mission impossible.

One to ten theme song? Drops there are full four in this, movie.

And there's not. Enough, yeah and that is not.

Enough you were left wanting.

More there are more themes.

Which no one has ever said about my. Penis there are More.

Mission impossible theme drops in this episode of that. Age, well in the Movie mission. Impossible mission impossible is what we call sex with.

You only the most skilled people can do.

It i've done it, twice BUT i had to wear a face mask the whole. Time how about one to ten flight attendant. Superspies there's at.

Least there's a whole fleet of. Them, yeah there's a there's a. Flock would you like?

Coffee would you like? Tea would you like A would you like a key card Into? Langley?

Yeah would you like A mission impossible? Assignment do you think this flight tend just goes through every person and wait for someone to say?

Yes but if you accidentally get the wrong. GUY a lot of dudes in business class are in. Suits like go to the man in The armani suit in business class and she's, like, oh.

You're gonna have to be more. Specifical she like.

Walks up to like the vice president of a, bank and she's, like do you want to storm crack?

Out?

No, okay?

Sorry how about one to ten Famed german actors and. Actresses actors like actresses Like spetzel shot In.

Freuda like Like Curry verst Von, Brandenburgh.

Curry. Versed what's Curry? Verse don't even?

Know, oh it's.

Delicious is it a curry? Sausage it? Is in? Fact? Yes oh, Okay i'm not not.

Interested, okay how about one to ten overcover, Agents, yes agents that are so, overcovered, overcovered it is impossible not to look at. Them first of, all the REAL cia must be the most average looking people on. Earth you can't put someone who looks Like Emmanuel. Bert it's like a situation and expect her not to not to get.

Attention if you are listening to this and you're in THE, cia fire anyone who's too good looking, IMMEDIATELY i hate.

You if you're, wondering AM i AM i a plane by a plane person and you work at THE? Cia, yeah, sorry who's.

The HOTTEST cia director we've ever heard in real? Life?

That actually, NEVER i don't. KNOW i don't.

KNOW i only know who our current one is because of gestures at all of this the stuff stuff.

Happening, Yeah i'm proud to SAY i actually not one hundred percent sure BECAUSE i really have been.

Ignoring good for, you good for. YOU i think we should do this overcover, agents overcover, agents overcover. Agents do you want to go? First this is your baby.

Agents dressed like Inspector gadget for some. Reason oh, right Pretty, NO i was gonna say pretty. Diverse it's not Ving. Rams that's about. It that's about all the non white actors we get in this.

Film so we Have french people who might also Be. GERMAN i don't think.

That, Counts, Paul, OKAY i don't think that.

Counts there's the Drunk russian agents in the beginning that's so.

White that's extra. White, okay so not super. Diverse thank you Fring raimes for your. Service that's sort of a blind. Spot that's not. Great and let's, see does it pass The bechdel?

Test, no BECAUSE i don't Think, Claire, Sarah max Or hannah ever talked to each.

Other, no it doesn't really pass The bechdel. Test so that's a. Bummer now THAT i think about. It, okay so doesn't age super well by our by our. Standards, yeah no gay stuff as far as as far AS i can. Tell it's also not super jingle with, stick WHICH i, appreciate that's.

TRUE i don't.

KNOW i Think i'm gonna have to give it something like straight down the, middle like a like a. Six, Okay i'm gonna give a six because it's not offensive in any. Way this is a few blind spots THAT i would have loved to have, fixed like give give the female characters a little bit more to. Do but, guys this movie fucking. Rocks it's so.

Fun it is.

FUN i cannot like recommend it. Enough i'm not gonna give a palate. CLEANSER i love this kind of. Movie it's, dumb it's, loud it's. Fun Tom cruise does stupid shit in. It that's gonna Get Tom cruise killed someday one. Day

Not like the chicken costume that features in that episode Of The Golden girls where he drops down into. This, no it is actually.

That actually they use that costume to break into the like you, know The polish. Embassy, yeah how about.

You, Paul, YEAH i. AGREE i mean there's there's not much to say, Here, like it's just a, fun stupid spy. Movie that's what they set out to, make AND i think they made it pretty well sins of, omission Although Ving rahams is not nothing like. That that is a real, character and he's the character who tracks along With Tom cruise drop the entire, series which is which is. Nice. Yeah, Right so there there is some built in diversity HERE

That he's also like LIKE i don't, know thirty something like he's. Older, like you're, right because you would expect a computer hacker to look like you, Know River phoenix right in, sneakers, right not not like a thirty year old.

Dude. Yeah, yeah but but like you, said it's. Inoffensive it's just. Fun they're just trying to have. Fun AND i think it it does do a good. Job you have brought me more to your way of. THINKING i don't think it's as complicated AS i thought it was at. First you're, right the movie does do a pretty good.

LOOK i love, them, absolutely adore. Them it's, no.

It's, no doesn't, work it's no.

Original, now well you know what it is is they're too. Good, yeah so they took it so, seriously and Like Betty, davis who is also obviously an incredible, actor is just like she's playing it so, Huge she's playing it like it's a vaudeville house in a movie, theater and, like, yeah, yes it doesn't.

Compare, Gotcha. Erica that is the end of our. Show everyone listening can follow us On Blue, sky On threads On. Instagram instagram is the only platform where we accept request specifically on our monthly. Themes we have a tea public. Shop we would love it if you would leave a five star review On Apple podcasts or any podcasting platform that you. Use if you do, that just Like Abby rue and mentioned dot dot dot from the top of this, episode let us know you did. It we'll send you

There that Aged well is produced and edited By Paul keola and his Needle. Dick just one more to put one more?

In, Oh i'm sure there'll be.

MORE i just had to poke, you just like the tiny.

Needle. Dick do you KNOW i know the exact moment in my life WHEN i first heard the term needle.

Dick when was?

It it? Was it's in the Movie Outrageous. Fortune Shelley long And Bette midler are called to identify a corpse and they look at it and they know it's not the guy that they were both fucking because his dick is too, Small And Bette midler says the, line and look, THIS i saw this thirty years, ago but in my, head this is what the line. Is, look the terms bug fucker and needle dick did not apply to this GUY Whoa.

Yes, WELL i bet that's exactly, verbata because that's the kind of quote that really sticks with.

You, yeah for.

Life we would like to, think by the, way, like, guys, Guys i'm serious, Here paul's penis is.

Fine, yeah it's.

Normal it's totally, normal fully fucking. Normal you, guys stop making fun of. It, okay it's the most. Normal it's the UNDERCOVER cia agent of, penises stand out in a. Crowd, no but it gets the job. Done we would like to Thank, Sophie, Mike, Josephine meg And barry for reaching out and letting us know what they want to. Hear if you want to have a say in the topics we, discussed you can join our. Patreon every patron gets to vote in an exclusive monthly poll to determine one of our.

More speaking of, which some tears on Our patreon come with a thanks from a podcast. Character and today we have a debut a debut. Character we are hearing From quint From, jaws happy to be.

Here thank you for having.

Me.

UH i just want to thank That jiley And SeaBASS who let me in earlier today and the rainbow trout in front of. Me now you know what they say about rainbow. Trouts they love being on the. POLE i was brought here today under the promise THAT i would get fifty dollars a pint of, whiskey and the expectation that the hole in my boat would be. Fixed, although now That i've met these, Two i'm just gonna walk away with that pint of.

Whiskey thank you To andy for listening to that.

Age, well you're a real angelfish for listening to these two gobblin sharks talk about dip jokes and ponds and.

Whatnot, GOD i hate. Sharks one TIME i was fishing off The Florida keys and a sand tiger shark came up to my. BOAT i thought it was just gonna sniff, around but, no it looked me right in the eye and it called me a.

Pussy that didn't seem called. FOR i did nothing to that. Shark why is it calling me a?

PUSSY i hate.

Sharks so now he's talking to. Sharks that that was a.

Twist it's not that he's talking to them THAT i THAT i kind of. Expected it's that they're talking. Back, yeah you're, right that's the. Concern, yeah they're talking. Back he seems to. Understand, yeah there is a clear animosity on both.

Sides no one likes. Anyone everyone hates everyone.

Equally but, uh but, YEAH i think. HE i think he needs more time on land a little.

Bit yeah he has he has the sea.

Crazies yeah, yeah, Yeah quick has the sea.

Crazies, definitely definitely all, Right. Erica any final thoughts on mission, Impossible Paul.

Quick we're gonna break into The White. HOUSE i need you to put on this banana. Costume i'm gonna dress like a giant. Peach no one will even, know no one will see us.

Coming that seems like very sexed emoji. Codd you're.

Right every patron gets to vote in an exclusive monthly. POLL i don't know WHY i have the giggles. NOW i think it's all the penis.

Joking, yeah that'll do. IT i had one like state.

IT i was, like no, finish and it just came.

Up that's what people say to my. Penis can you just?

Finish oh, god, okay let me take that. Back if you want to have a say in the topics we, discussed you can join our patreon every Pen what? Happened what happened that?

TIME i don't even know is it the word? Patron you want to? Say? Penis every penis gets to. VOTE i don't know why they.

Have seriously here we, go here we. Go there are times a charm.

With my. Penis oh, NO i have the. Yips have the. Yips