Goldfinger (1964) - Rompers, Passion Juice & a Private Pilot

You know when you get the giggles in public, Oh, the church giggles, the church giggles. Yeah, like this wasn't even the church girls, really because it wasn't inappropriate for me to me laughing. It's just that nobody knew what I was laughing about. And I don't know if you've seen on the subway these ads. It's like these ads that they're real estate ads. They want people to buy in New York, so like it's the conceit is. They show you a picture of like a New Yorker who

Like people who move outside of the city who dared.

To leave, Yeah, they got shitty pizza.

The majesty and wonder that is New York City.

And the woman I'm gonna show Erica a picture. The woman in this photo is giving the stankiest stank face.

And it ordered pizza in Connecticut. Yeah, it's it's also delicious.

By the way. Yeah, this is the expression on her face. Honestly, I hope she gets a sitcom. I hope this woman gets a sitcom off of this job.

It's a sitcom.

She is.

She is living her best four character quadrant sitcom life.

She is Diliadets. Yes, she is Deli in this photo.

The idea is she like, She's like, oh, this pizza sucks. Let's move back to the most expensive rat chested city in the country. Got it.

That's the idea.

And this is that aged Well, yesterday's pop culture.

Today it's Spy Movie may Erica. And actually it's the finale of Spy Movie May because next week is Memorial.

Day, yay, the beginning of summer, the.

Beginning of summer. We're gonna take We're gonna take a little mini break. Yeah, little mini break. You'll have a little, a little summer treat in your feed next week.

Yeah, we're gonna have something in there for you. Don't worry. We haven't forgotten you.

We still love you. We're just gonna take a little take a little summer break. Sure, Yeah, but not yet, because today we have a movie.

We have a hum dinger.

And before we get to that hum dinger, we have Apple podcast reviews. Do you want to read the first one? Sure?

The first review comes from Sam. Eighty eight miles per hour breaking the speed limit? Yes, isn't that the speed limit in It's it's a no, no, no, it's the it's you have to go eighty eight miles per hour in back to the future. Back to the future, going there, that's what they're doing. I see you, Sam, revisiting movie magic that aged well with Paul and Erica. I want to point out that this title is revisiting movie magic colon that aged well with Paul and Erica. This person

If you are a reporter, please let us know if you'd like to do an interview.

Yeah, this fucking thing has a byeline. So Sam Wrights that aged well is like having a reunion with your friends from the eighties and nineties movie era. Paul and Erica don't just dissect plot twists and poke fun at the insanity they unearthed very childhood nightmares. Thanks Labyrinth, was it hobble?

Hobble was the name of the it was the name of her mini friend there.

I don't remember, but it is a full living nightmare. Yeah, with sharp wit and infectious laughter. This podcast is your ticket to relive the classics while doubling down on the hilarity of hindsight. Grab your popcorn and settle in for a nostalgia trip that's as entertaining as it is enlightening. I'd love to hear a review of Now.

This is actually what the review says. I am not incorrecting this. I wonder if maybe it was now and Then and it got cut off.

Maybe I don't know. Now I'm gonna look it up. By the way, aside from potentially a typo at the end, excellent review, excellent rex. I was just gonna say, really good writing. I feel like you write me better than I write me, So thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, Yeah, okay, update, I googled it. There does not seem to be a movie named now.

Yeah, oh Sam, eighty eight miles per hour.

This got cut off at the end. We're gonna assume now.

And then Now and then let us know if we're wrong.

Yeah, maybe there's another now now boyager.

Sure, sure we have another review, shall I read sure? This is from Cookies for Breakfast twenty two to twenty two. They write no notes. Thank you Kimberly and Katie for introducing me to Paul and Erica. I'm a nineties baby, so this pod has inspired me to watch so many of these classics that I wasn't yet alive for or was too young to see. I love hearing their thoughtful takes.

They have distilled our mission statement to a perfect sentence that is horrible, but it's funny, and I laughed, and I laughed at it, and I'm.

Gonna be honest, I laughed. They go on, please cover planes, trains, and automobiles this holiday season. Hey, guess what we did.

It's in your feed.

It's in your feed. Growing up, my family watched it every year on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. And although I love it, I'm still not sure if it's even a good movie, and would love y'all's takes. I think it's a good movie.

It's a good movie.

It is.

I want to I have an update on this. Finish this out, and I do want to talk. I have an update on planes traising auto movie.

I'm excited. Okay, So Cookies for Breakfast finishes love the pod ten out of ten.

Thank you, Cookies for Breakfast. Yes, real quick. We are recording this in twenty twenty five. We are like deep into twenty twenty five. And I forgot to tell Paul this months ago when it happened at Christmas this year. I asked my assembled family. I was like, in that scene in Planes, Trains and Automobiles, and he says, those aren't pillows. Yeah, is he talking about is he talking about his butt cheeks or is he talking about his thighs? And I didn't tell them who was which one of

The shams the sham. The boxer shorts are the sham mess on the hams.

And then I was like, fuck me. Paul was right and I was wrong. My whole family agrees with Paul. I want you to know that my family agrees with you.

Thank you, Thank you for representing me. Danny. I know you're listening. Thank you. No.

I honestly, Danny was like maybe the only one on my side, but I think that's because I was in the room with him. He felt bad for me.

All right, Sam, eighty eight miles per hour Cookies for Breakfast twenty two, twenty two. If you would like at that age ball tote bag, please let us know this is you. I would love to send it off for you. Erica, what is our spy movie finale?

Today's film you all is the nineteen sixty four spy classic gold Finger.

All right, So Goldfinger was specifically actually only requested by Marcus, but we obviously had a cavalcade of Bond movie requests this.

Month, so many Bond movies.

Michelle actually requested a whole double oh seven month, which we did briefly consider, but decided it would be it would be too much.

It's a lot, It's so much misogyny, you guys.

Yeah, So we decided to leave the Bond film up to our patrons. We pulled Goldfinger, our Sean Connery option against of You to a Kill, our Roger More option against GoldenEye, our Pierce Brosen option. We left the other ones out. Sorry, George Lasmbie, you didn't make the poll.

Ha.

Sean came out on top fifty three percent to Roger Moore's seventeen percent and Pierce Brosnian's thirty percent.

Wow, I will say the Roger Moore one of You to a Kill did get more requests. It did then this one did. But also I also wonder how many people wrote GoldenEye thinking they were talking about Goldfinger, Yeah, and vice versa.

Honestly, I will say that as soon as Goldfinger was in the poll, the presence of double O pantege was felt in the poll. I think.

I think so. And also this that what is a classic for a reason. It's got kussy galore.

It's got not a euphemism.

It's got no mister Bond, I expect you to die. It's got all the class, it's got all the humdingers in it.

It sure does all right. So Goldfinger is the third installment in the ongoing James Bond series. It was written by Richard Maybaum and Paul Den. It was based on the nineteen fifty nine Ian Fleming novel of the same name. It was directed by Guy Hamilton and stars Sean Connery, Honor Blackman, Gert Froeb, Shirley Eaton, Tanya Mallett, and Harold Sakata.

Goldfigure won an Academy Award for Best Sound Effects, making it the first Bond film to win an.

Oscar Now you've already previewed this a little bit erica. But while I'm glad it won for Best Sound, it was robbed for Best Song.

Was there not a best song category?

Back there? Yah? I checked there was chim chimmery from Mary Poppins.

Was absolutely not no chim chimmery from Mary happens when the fucking oscar over Shirley Bassie's iconic gold Finger.

Yes, look, Goldfinger is not even Shirley Bassi's best Bond theme. The best one she did is Diamonds Are Forever, but Goldfinger, those are the two best Bond themes ever, accept possibly Carly Simon's Nobody Does It Better.

I really like Skyfall, Yeah, I really do. I'm a sucker for adult I.

Think Skyfall is boring the movie or the song. I think I fell asleep in the movie, so I think I can safely say both.

But yeah, no. Also, you know what, we dogged Paul McCartney in the last episode a little.

Bit, and he deserves He deserved it.

He deserved it for that one. But Livin Let Die is a fucking good song.

It is a lot of the Bond songs are really good. I just feel like Shirley Bassy is the platonic ideal. Yes, yes, yes, a British woman fog horning her way through a song. That's what I want. Concerned about US censors, the producers consider changing Pushing to Kitty Galore. Oh no, but they and Hamilton decided, quote, if you were a ten year old boy and knew what the name meant, you weren't a ten year old boy. You were a dirty little bitch.

That is the greatest thing I've ever heard.

Apparently Honor Blackman enjoyed it so much she would force reporters to say the name to her and she was doing agrees about it.

Yes, holy shit, this is the perfect what an amazing anecdote. You were a dirty little bitch?

Oh, yes, I think what I've gotten When I.

Was I would have I was a dirty little piss you. Well, come on, ten years old, we knew what the word pussy was.

I'm genuinely not sure. I know my nephews one of it, Tana, I think, but I feel like I was more at shelter than they were.

But like how sheltz, you went to school.

That's true. Yeah, it's like I mean, I definitely would have known, Like Dick, I just feel like, like eighth pussy's a step.

Above if you were not homeschooled by ten, you've heard you've heard someone called someone else a pussy.

Wow, you live on the mean streets in Miami.

I am sure of it. I'm absolutely sure if you even sheltered little Paul so I was a dirty little bitch, true dirty little bitch. Goldfinger has a shocking ninety nine percent critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes. We are grading on a curve here because I'm assuming this. These are critics in nineteen sixty four, I presume, and not the current day critics, and an eighty nine percent audience score. It has a one hundred on Cherry Picks.

That's insane, that's hilarious. That is insae.

This is what's this is all ass backwards. It should be a two thousand percent audience score. Yeh, because no complaints, a truly forty critical rating, and Cherry Picks needs to shut its dirty horror mouth. Yeah that's the correct Actually, no, no, no, they wouldn't call Cherry Picks a whore. This is bond, this is classier. Yeah, it would be like, oh, hello, Cherry Picks, why don't you put that pen down and play with my fiddle for a while.

Why don't you stop over extending yourself and start extending your legs? Ha, this is so high. Look, I baseline enjoyed the movie. It's it's way more fun than it is not it's bonkers. But it's bonkers. It's not a ninety nine percent good movie.

It is not even I mean, I'm being generous at forty. Honestly, I'm being generous.

I would actually say because of what it is in the sense that like it is a comedy in many ways, like they do, they are aware they're being ridiculous.

From the opening shot. Yeah you get comedy.

Yeah I will.

We will talk about that opening shot because I'm living for that opening. Yeah you get comedy.

Yeah. So I would say the comedy land. The comedy lands way more often than it doesn't. Yeah, And and so for me, I would probably give it like a sixty five percent critical. But if we talk about like pacing.

And special effects and a plot that makes sense.

Yep, and uh and a way with the camera that lets the audience follow an action scene, No.

None of that.

None of that is yet fight choreo.

No. No, you reminds me of a as I'm talking about it, I'm remembering you probably never saw this the old nineteen I want to say, seventy Batman movie starring Adam West.

I've seen clips from it, I've never actually seen him.

It has like all three of the main villains in it, and like it like Caesar Romero is and we're just Meredith, and like it's like that where they know they're making a comedy, but it's like an action movie, like wrapped in a comedy. And that's what this. This gave very strong that vibe.

So Sean Connery is fully aware that he is in a comedy. Yeah, yeah, and actually to before I think Honor black Aakman knows too.

Gert Froub, never seeing the guy who plays Goldfinger, he must know he's in a comedy.

Yeah. Do you know I didn't know this going in. That is a dubbed performance.

Oh.

It is widely considered to be one of the most successful dubbed performances ever because he didn't speak English and he learned his lines phanatically, and they were like he was either too slow or they were unintelligible, so they would like, go and make him just say the lines phatically faster than dubbed an actor over him.

I had no idea.

Yeah, it's really really good dubbing. All right, when did you first see gold Finger?

Last night?

Okay?

Okay, true story A little behind the scenes of the pod. I was very busy this week, and I overscheduled myself and I didn't have time to watch the movie before we recorded this. So I came over early to Paul's house and last night I spent the night and we invited friends over. We made popcorn, Paul made popcorn, and we all watched Goldfinger together. So I watched it last night for the first time in your home with a group of our friends.

Yeah, which is.

The absolute ideal way to watch this movie. Would I have enjoyed it like if I'd watched it by myself at home? Yes, one hundred percent. What I've laughed out loud. Yes. Would I have had half as much fun as I did watching it with other people? Absolutely not.

This movie is almost like I want to watch a drag queen, like talking over it while it plays. Yes, it's it's It might be like just two ticks below that level, But I think it could be really fun.

I think it's camp. You think it's I think pussy galore. Paul, pussy galore, pussy galore, pushy, pushy. He doesn't say shit, he says pusy, poozy, pusy galore.

There's only one line in it, and I wrote it down where he gets a little of their going h huh.

So, Paul, we all know my answer. When I saw this film for the first time, when did you see gold Finger for the first time?

A mere two days prior to you, I saw this film for the first time. So much of Austin Powers is pulled from this It's so awesome.

I have a same I actually said a line before it happened in this movie, and one of our friends was like, I thought you said you'd never seen this before, and I was like, no, that's from Austin Power.

It's a direct lift from this film. I overall enjoyed it. I have some notes on the pacing that.

Got funnier and funnier because we watched it with other people. Yeah, at one point, so late in the movie, when we're already so like tired, Yeah, there's like a slow elevator ride down the Bond takes and there's a full twenty seconds of real estate in this movie, and everyone just started laughing hysterically because we were just like, oh my god, why are we watching this.

All right? Erica. The tagline for this movie was Miss Honey and Miss Galore, have James Bond back for more? Yes, Yeah, yes, but who's miss honey?

Is it should have had money, miss money? Like moneypenny?

Oh, miss moneypenny.

It must have been a honey? Was it not a honey?

No, it's it's it's it's Tilly and Jill Masterson or the other two women in it.

There's no.

Oh.

Maybe that that first lady, the dancer in the er, Maybe she was honey. Maybe she was honey.

Yeah, yeah, okay, let's go with that's because I really want this to work. Yeah. How do you say honey in spanishell? Because this is funny. This is the exact right tone for this movie. Do you want to read the iTunes synopsis? Sure?

In this fourteen Carrot Adventure and the third film in the Double O seven series, James Bond is pitted against one of his most memorable villains, the power hungry and infamous international gold smuggler Auric Goldfinger.

Gold Finger ha ha.

Goldfinger is not planning to rob fort not's no no no. I added that they did write no no no, they should have, though they should have. He intends to detonate a nuclear device in the fortress and contaminate the world's gold supply with radiation, making it unusable for hundreds of years and increasing tenfold the value of his own gold holdings, making him the richest most powerful man on earth.

It's so one billion dollars.

It's crazy funny too. It's like the reveal we are getting right now in this anopsis does not come until like an hour and fifty minutes in a two hour movie, Like they are giving it all away.

Yeah, the movie is really I can't tell if it works or it doesn't work. It's just not how we would make a movie now. So maybe one of those situations like in spies like us last week, we're like, this is not how we consume entertainment anymore. But it really like it presents a problem, and then that problem is leads you to another problem. So you don't get to this problem until so far into the movie, and you spent so much time being like what are we

An interminable golf scene goes by.

That golf scene. I had seen this for Erica, and I told her and our friends, when you watch this movie, just think about when you're watching a scene and the scene comes to an end, if anything has.

Actually changed, if anything happened.

If anything actually happened to provide more information to change Bond's situation to anything. There's like four or five five minute stretches where the answer to that is no, Absolutely nothing happened.

Nothing happened, no changes were made, no plot was developed.

No.

Paul, what is the actual synopsis for Goldfinger?

The actual synopsis for Goldfinger is it was a different time. You guys don't understand.

It was a different time. It's fine, it's fine. Stop feminists calmed the fuck down. It was a different time.

It's a different time.

Okay. Those women wanted to be exploited. They enjoyed it.

They understood, they understood the insight.

It was the only time a woman could get Yeah, do you not want honor black men to work?

Come on, do you want her back in the kitchen? All right, everyone stick around, we're gonna play some commercials right here. If you don't want to listen to commercials, you can head over to our Patreon That is patreon dot com slash that age Well podcast. You can sign up for any pay tire. You will get ed free episodes delivered to your podcast feed every Monday morning. But

Hello, pushy catch, We're back.

Watch new push a catch who who?

And we're back.

And we're back all right. We open in what appears to be a South American country. Don't worry about it. He's in South America.

It's a monolith, don't worry.

Potentially Central America. Actually fair configure one right, a dock, kind of dirty garbage floating in the water, dark water. You see a bedraggled looking seagull swimming swimming through the dock. And then the seagull as we zoom in, it's not really moving in the same way a swimming bird would move. And then oh, up pops the head of James Bond. It's just a decoy seagull stuck on the top of his scuba suit.

Okay, right here, this is it. They start with this. You know you're watching a comedy. Yeah, A man, a grown man, a grown man, a grown ass man has a giant stuffed seagull attached to the top of his scuba suit on his head. This is a comedy to provide cover, yep.

I mean, if you're in a scuba suit, you're already underwater.

He's under murky blackwater wearing a dark scuba suit. This wasn't necessary necessary at all. Film provided it anyway.

So James Bond, if you don't know, I was played by one Sean Connery. Look, when I think of Sean Connery, I think of Sean Connery and Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade.

Yeah, we have old Connery.

I've never even seen that movie, but that is how I think of Sean Connery. I did not remember what young Sean Connery looked like, and I enjoyed it. I had.

This is my first young Sean Connery movie. I think I've seen him pre like in the early eighties and things, so I've seen him earlier than like Indiana Jones, but he was still middle aged. Yeah, this is definitely the youngest Sean Connery performance I've ever seen.

It looks a little like Jeen Kelly.

Right to me, he looks a little like Jean Kelly with a sousson of Carry Grant's. Oh okay, there's a carry Grant as well too.

Yeah, all right, So James Bond is on a mission that frankly, neither I nor the movie care about. So I'm just I'm just gonna move on. He sets explosives on a bunch of barrels marked nitro something that appeared to be sitting in the middle of a living room. That's it. I cannot explain it further that it's an office, right, I thought it was a living room.

It's the strangest thing. So it looks like a Google office. It looks like it looks like someone went into a tech office.

Right, but that's not what offices looked like in nineteen sixty whatever.

Yeah, I don't care what's happening either. You're right, it looks like a living room, but it also has like a nuclear thing in the middle of it.

He sets off, not even on the side on a wall. It appears to be sitting in the middle of the living room like a like a showpiece. So he scadaddles outside. He strips off his wetsuit, revealing a perfectly pressed tuxedo underneath. He drops a rose in his lapal, and he heads to the local bar.

And this was my first yeah, when I was watching the movie, because I love a quick change. I'm a quick change diva. In the bar, he makes eye contact with the dancer shaking her maracas. She looks like the poster for like, Welcome to Cuba, Welcome to Havana. Yeah, and she's like shaking her tits at this bar. Just as the explosion rocks a nearby building, So it's the explosion he set off. All the patrons rush outside, while the dancer gives Bond a look, a little saucy look as she stalks.

Out, this is mishoney, we should this is Senorita.

Senorita honeypots yea believe. His contact at the bar recommends that he not go back to his hotel. M James is like, don't worry, I'll be on a plane to Miami in an hour. I just have some unfinished business to attend to.

I don't know if you caught this line, but the contact is like, oh, mister, whatever you took him down or whatever, and James Bond says, at least he won't be using heroin flavored bananas to finance revolutions.

Yes, everything, yes, all of it.

Uh huh. All right, So James Bond's unfinished business is obviously finding out if that dancer likes to be shaken her stirt? Right answer, both shake me up, stir me around, and then do it backwards.

Haha.

He heads up to her room. She's already in a full bath, beautiful tiled bathroom, full bath with the door wide open. Yeah.

Actually it seems like an open concept dressing room, honestly, like and so the bathtub is just in the dressing room.

He hands her a towel and they immediately start making out, and she exclaims, oh as the holstered gun on his chest digs into her side. So I'm so sorry.

Actually he's a line here. She goes, why do you always wear that thing? And he goes, I have a slight inferiority complex.

Oh excellent. He takes it off. They commenced with the bang sash and we see a man appear from behind the boudoir behind Bond. He has like a pipe or something in his hand. He's gonna he's gonna bludge and Bond, Oh no. We see the dancer see the other man, and she says nothing, she's complicit. Oh my goodness on it. Then we see Bond see his attacker's reflection in Senorita Honey's eyeball.

Yes, yeah, okay, we're gonna say that again, because you don't know. If you haven't seen it, you don't understand the awesomeness of what just happened. James Bond, while making out with this Honeypot, looks in deep into her eyes, sees the reflection of his assailant behind him in her mellow colored eyes.

He swings around just in time, and he uses Mishoney as a human shield. She takes the blow from the assailants. Again.

I'm gonna stop it here because if you didn't hear what he just said, you need to understand the hilarity that just happened. He uses her as a human chield. He puts her in front of him and she accidentally gets hit with the lead pipe. And because she's a villain, we're not meant to feel fo we don't care, we don't care. I'm throwing all my feminist ideals out the fucking window for this movie, it was.

A different time. A Bond and his attacker scuffle. Bond throws the other man into the bathtub, but oh no, that's right next to Bond's holstered gun. The man starts scrambling for it, but Bond sees a plugged in fan next to the tub. He pushes it into the tub and then electrocutes his attacker, sparking everywhere, killing him. He gathers his things, he says.

Shocking, positively shocking.

And leaves theme song gold fingal. He loves only gold.

I said destray Mission Impossible, and I'll say it again. If I heard this song forty five times during this movie, it would not have been enough.

Yeah, in a not even close.

Is this better than the Mission Impossible theme song?

For me?

It's two different They're fulfilling two different purposes. Mission Impossible theme song is meant to pump you up. This song is meant to make you feel sexy. Yeah, I love them both.

I will say that given the number of instrumentals of this song in the movie, you may hear it forty five times.

Honestly, the whole score is did you Moon River? Yes, Moon every time, every time they didn't have her singing Goldfinger, I was just hearing moon River.

Why are they a mall?

It's a moon that's fall love.

River, a river fall of moons.

Okay, I have to stop us here. If you watch one of these old timey bond movies, especially given a couple of weeks ago when we watched Tom Cruise fucking almost kill himself, what is it expected of an action now? What is expected of Daniel Craig? What we as a society have put Daniel Craig and Tom Cruise through? What we demand, well, we fucking demand of our actors now, and that they become professional fucking assassins to make us entertained was not a thing in nineteen sixty four. These

Dumb, yep, And it is a feature, not a bug.

Every punches comes from four feet away and is so quickly and easily telegraphed. Truly, like, I cannot get over the difference between what an old action movie required, yeah for an audience to be entertained, and when a current day action movie requires it's insane.

It's the delta is enormous, like chasm.

I almost. I hope, I hope. Daniel Craig has not seen one of these since he was a child, and he remembers it differently, and he doesn't because if if you showed this fucking shit to Daniel Craig and then forced him to do one of his stunts that he has to do for his movie, he would be like, you need to pay me the most money that's ever been paid anyone in history, because otherwise.

No, absolutely, absolutely.

What fucking connor he was getting away with. We cut to Miami Beach, where CIA agent Felix Lighter, played by the person's name is cec. I'm gonna guess check check or sex Linder.

Oh maybe cecil cecil cess, Oh ceys maybe I don't know.

Sex Felix Lighter, the character's name, walks through a resort area complete with a pool and an ice skating rink. Having grown up in Florida, I cannot tell you where the fuck they are. I've never seen that.

But is the reason we have global warming? Now? Why is there an ice skating rink in Miami?

Worth it? Moving on? Okay, I don't have time to dissect every moment of this movie. Felix finds Bond and a pair of teeny tiny, delicious swim trunks.

I have to interrupt you. You must, I have to interrupt you.

I must. Let's talk about this.

Okay. First of all, Sean Connery delicious, no notes. I do not understand, as a man who has worn many swim trunks in my life, do not understand what the internal infrastructure of these swim trunks are. Because, to be clear, we are calling them swim trunks. They are boy shorts. Boys, they are tight. There is nary a hint of moose knuckle. And we will know later in the movie that Sean Connery is not afraid to hang down inside a pair of pants. So I want to know, did he talk.

I don't know, because yeah, he is packing here.

You know that joke from from a Liar Liar, where they're like, how's it hanging to Jim Carrey's a short shrivel and always to the left. Not so for Sean Conray, big brawny and always to the left.

Always to the left. Always to the left, a lean, mean and leaning neft.

Yet, what if all of our pictures on Instagram this week were just Sean Connry's moose knuckle.

I see no problems with that, no problem, none, none, whatsoever.

He is the John Ham of nineteen nineteen.

Sixty a thousand percent, except we actually know from those photos that John Ham dress is right. Yeah, he does not dress left.

But they share a similar reversion to undershorts.

They share they hanged on like nobody's business. Yeah, okay, I think those shorts are made out of tweed because honestly, they looked sick.

They did.

It did not look like like something that would be comfortable to swim in.

I think what they were was like an elastic but ribbed Maybe that's what I got from you.

You're also so short that like I think if if he if he hitched them up a little bit by accident, we would see the bottom of his penis. It's all or the top of his heat whatever, however you want to describe that.

The tip. We see the tip. It's literally a situation of where is your penis? Because if it wasn't just a normal pouch.

Right, I want everyone to know Paul is making hand gestures so that I understand what he what a penal pouch looks like.

The shorts are so short that the pouch would hang low. You would get like one of those photos you get in like a like a like a gay magazine where the guy is wearing little boy shorts but his big old package is hanging like lower than the of the.

Thought very attractive.

Yeah, oh yeah, none of this is a complaint, to be clear. But his penis, which again we know is majestic based on evidence later in the film, has disappeared.

Okay, here's what I think is happening. I think you're right. I think they used to make boy shorts like his four Men, and there was a.

It just coiled it around that waist.

No, no, I think I think there's an internal like cupping system that like sucks it up into your body. Almost.

Yeah. It was in a time when people actually had modesty, is what you're saying.

Yes, I think so. I think that's what's happening. We haven't even gotten to like the other sartorial choice of this scene that is frankly more important. He will be talking about it for even longer than we've already talked about this.

We have been recording for forty minutes.

Okay, So Felix finds Bond. He is getting a massage from a woman named Dink. Yes, Dink. She turns to him and she goes, Hi, I'm Dink.

Sure.

I don't know what to say you guys. Yeah, if pussy Galore is not the dumbest name in your movie, your name is Dink. And the man tells Bond that alas your vacation is over, mister Bond, we have work to get to. He's received word from m that I six has a new mission for Bond to keep an eye on our Rick Goldfinger. A Paul writes here British. No, No, he's German.

Right in the movie they say he's British, but he doesn't sound like it. They actually say that in the movie.

Oh okay, because I did I miss that? I miss that. Okay, he's British, but he doesn't sound like did Just make him Cherman, just make him Germany, just make him whatever. The fucking voiceover guy is Dutch. I don't know what that actor is doing. Okay, moving on, I don't have guys, there's too many stupid things. If we stop to talk about every stupid thing. This episode's gonna be eight hundred hours, okay. Goldfinger is a British businessman who was also staying at

Time when he started putting it on, and like, I first, because it just looks like it looks like a robe. You think he's gonna go put on a bathrobe or like a kimono of some sort like which, And honestly, bond and a kimona would have been delightful enough.

That would have been you had me at bonded a kimono, I.

Would have been like, what a great gay moment.

I bet you Pierce Brosnan did that at some point.

But then he steps in to the pant legs of this ramper and he starts to pull it.

Up, and you're like, well, okay, it's pants.

And my brain started to, like you know when that fan fell into the bathtub and the scene earlier and everything sparked. That was what my brain was doing. What is it? It couldn't I couldn't come. Do you remember like five or ten years ago when there was like this thing like all the gay men were getting rampers and like the straits lost their mind about it. It was like anti masculine and it was like it was a whole thing.

I actually forgot about that. I do remember when they expected women to wear them. Yeah, and I was not having it. No, there's a specific body type that can wear that shit and the rest of us.

No, No, James Bond. This the paragon of masculinity right deep in poon at all times. James Bond. I'm gonna say it again. For the cheap seats, a terry cloth baby blue onesie romper with short shorts and a belt feature.

I'm gonna call them booty shorts.

They're booty you're right, shorts.

They're booty shorts. That's how short these shorts are.

If he didn't have the boys shorts on, you would be getting under as.

Yeah, you'd be getting under asked he could in those credibly credibly shorts.

Yeah.

Do we need to move on or should we just stop the episode?

I think I think we've done it.

I think we've done it. We're then there's a lady later that's gonna be pussy glorious. It's a funny and we're done. A lot of Asians for some reason, a lot of Asians. But it's not a good thing. You think it's gonna be a good thing. You're like, oh wow, look at the diversity.

But all right, we will let you know when the scene changes and he is no longer in the ramper.

Because if you think he's gonna serve you romper for like an appetizer, yeah, you are mistaken. The romper is the meal.

Yeah.

The romper is the roast.

The ropper is there for a while.

The romper is the potatoes. The romper is the veggie side. The romper is the thing.

They said, Sean Connery, James Bond. He can seduce anyone. Let's up the difficulty level. Can he seduce a woman while wearing this outfit?

The answer is yes.

I will move on, but I will still be thinking about the romper. Goldfinger himself, Gert Frub appears. He joins a man who's sitting by the pool. Turns out this guy and Goldfinger played Gin together, and Goldfinger's been taking him for all the money he's worth for like days.

But like ten thousand dollars, which I didn't do the math, but in nineteen sixty four money is like three billion dollars today.

So he's going to sit down. He greets his quote unquote friend. He makes a point of wine to sit in his specific chair. He's an extremely obvious ear piece and wire, which I think is meant to he's acting as if it's a hearing aid. I think is what it is. Oh.

I thought he was acting like it was like a radio when he was listening to classical music or something. I did not watch this film in the optimal conditions in which to actually pay attention, so I'm not sure.

The only reason I say that is because at one point the guy says something, he goes what and he seems to like turn up the volume.

Oh, okay, hearing aid.

Yeah, so I think that's what we're going. Okay, So Romper Bond heads upstairs. He's like when he's walking, like the camera is low too, So he's.

Walking because this director understood the assignment, and they're like, people want to see his ass moving in those shows. Women came here to watch this guy.

Women came women can't period.

Period. That's where that's where it ends. It's nineteen sixty four. We're not thinking about the gays yet. They're assuming straight women are coming to this so that later on that night when they're having sex, horrible vanilla boring sex with their husbands they are thinking of Sean Connery.

I'll tell you what if we get five Patreons signed up because of this episode, and you say you signed up because of this, I will do my best to find this rapper, and I will and I wear it and it on Instagram.

Guys, you guys, that is That is a real fucking that. That's incentive.

We have to start incentivizing people to sign up. I think we have to start offering that offering real shit. Can you imagine wearing this rapper and going to a Halloween party and being like, I'm James Bond.

See who gets it?

I'm a deeply accurate James Bond.

If this romper does not exist, I will make one for Paul. I will learn how to sew and make one.

All right. So he's upstairs. He lifts a key card from a maid and the maid is still attached. It's like a edge. So she's like, oh my god, what are you doing? And he just goes to Goldfingers Sweet and then made's like, that's mister Goldfinger's Sweet, and he's like, I know, don't worry about it, darling. And he's so handsome she just wouldn't report him.

And she just goes Okay.

He heads inside. He walks through, and on the balcony he finds Jill Masterson played by Shirley Eaton. She is relaying Goldfinger's opponent's cards to him through his wire. Right, so this is how Goldfinger's winning. He's cheating with the help of this woman.

Yes, she's like she's looking at through binoculars.

Yep. She turns around deeply underreacts to seeing a strange man and a baby blue terry cloth ramper approaching and then looming over her.

You forget, it's shun Khan, it's shunk hotness.

Privilege of the highest order, the highest order.

A single woman in this movie is like, no.

You wonder what. Actually, that's not true. One woman, at least briefly.

One woman does not succumb to his charms right away, but for the most part, every other one is like okay, yeah.

She tells him that Goldfinger pays her for her help with the card game and to be seen with him, but nothing else, because we don't want to think she's a whore. Yeah, Bonda side that the best thing for the greatest spie in the world to do at this point is to fuck with his mark a ha, So he commandeers the radio. He tells Goldfinger that he better start losing or he'll report his cheating to the Miami Beach Police. Which I don't think this is a crime, to be fair, it's shitty, but it's not a crime.

Maybe gambling in and of itself is a crime, which means the other guy, you guy, would be get in trouble too. But also the idea that the Miami police would do anything about this is pretty fucking hilarious.

So after that he sets about getting to the important thing, getting Jill to take a ride on his aston Martin nice. Yeah, and at this point, the terry cloth baby blue ramper alas does depart the movie. Yeah, it does not appear again.

If you liked watching him put it on, you're gonna love watching him take it off. Let me tell you, let me just put it that way.

Yeah.

So, okay, the two of them go to the Bone Zone. Do they stay there? They go to his room, right, they don't stay in gold Fingers, see, they go to his room. That's what I thought. So we're now gonna cut to Bond and Jill in Bond's room at this hotel Basking in the post coital glow. The champagne has gone room temperature, and James Bond has fucking rules about this. Champagne must be drunk at a certain temperature or it is garbage.

Thirty eight degrees fahrenheit, to be precise, to be.

Precise, because she's like, just drink it the way it is, and he basically looks at her like she's trashed garbage. How dare you? Yeah that I want to point that out, And I want to point out that he calls champagne passion juice. Oh, which is so gross.

Oh pushy. I love your passion juice.

Let me lictum passion juice. Off your off your sweet sweet melons.

He says that you don't drink dom Perignon fifty three above a temperature of thirty eight degrees fahrenheit. That's as bad as listening to the Beetles without ear muffs. What I get it.

It could be either you're going to a Beatles concert you have to wear ear muffs because all the girls are screaming because it'snineteen sixty for at this point, okay, or he's talking about headphones.

Yeah, and it's like, you listen to it so you can hear the.

Music, you can really hear the music better. Yeah, it's one of those I can't. I think it's the first because in nineteen sixty four they are still pretty much known as the band that teenage girls go to scream at. Yeah, so I think that's what's happening, gotcha, which case, Hey, fuck off, the Beagles are great. Shut up, Bond, you he's jealous your pretty little champagne rules. I love that he's a little bit about this. It really made me happy. So Bond heads over to the fridge for a new

What's the thing from Friends that Ross has unagi?

Yeah, unagy.

James Bond is severely lacking in hunagi for a superspy. He has no spatial awareness of anything that's going on around him ever in the movie, so.

We only see the shadow of a man with a bowler hat on the wall. Ooh, a villain appears. When Bond wakes up, he finds Jill naked in his bed, painted head to toe in gold and she is Deadoo. This is a very iconic, fairly famous scene. It's fucking sexy too. Oh yeah, I hate to say it because she is dead and that's a bummer, But the like this woman has legs for days gorgeous and having them painted with like gold dust. She must have walked around that set feeling like a billion dollar I hope. So

Oh no, oh dear, it wasn't me, it.

Was she must have drunk the bad dumb per yon.

How long was he unconscious from that karate chop because that okay, presumptively this is odd job. Will meet him later officially. But odd job is in the room, yep. Presumptively knocks out Jill first, then knocks out Bond or maybe that other way around which whatever. Yeah, Jill is unconscious, strips her naked, paints her head, and remember we will

It doesn't work her inside of her ears.

Inside of her ears, the bottom of her feet, in between her toes. He has to lacker this woman. Yeah, and then she has to have time.

To die and dry. Don't forget even longer.

Prava strung her up first and then paint her like that, and then once she dried, put her back in the bed.

I wonder if, like the bathtub is filled with the lacquer.

Just a dipping situation. But then like Achilles and the sticks.

But then you don't see like a trail from I don't know, So then he would have had to tarp the room. Yeah, put her in the lacquer, take her to the bed, detarp the room, right, clean the tub, drain and clean the tub.

And that's not a quick clean.

No, no, no no. So I would say Bond is conservably unconscious for thirty six hours.

Yeah, that sounds about right. So we cut to Bond in London meeting with em played by Bernard Lee. He's lamenting Jill's death by quote unquote skin suffocation.

By the way, real quick, there is a like conspiracy theory that this actress passed away because of the gold dust they put on this. It's not true. It's our friend who watched it with us last night was like, wait, was that true or not. I'm like, let me look it up because I'd never heard it, and it turns out no, it's like a it's like an old wives tale that Yeah, this woman actually lived quite a long time. She's fine.

I think I think the tin man came closer, probably dying from that paint in the wish. They were so it was purely toxic.

It was just as best that they were just spraying him with so.

Em reminds him that the gold Finger assignment is not personal. Look, you were supposed to observe your mark, not fuck his girlfriend. Fair note.

That is such a good note. Also like, truly her death is on you, buddy, a hundred percent, because you didn't actually murder her. But don't get don't get outsiders involved. I don't think James Bond is good, is what I'm saying.

No, no, he's not great good at this. No, you're not wrong. Bond dessorrees m that he can be objective and he would like to continue the assignment. He leaves and on his way out, he has a very cute and somewhat retrograde interaction with Moneypenny played by Lois Maxwell. This woman played Moneypenny for fourteen films.

She's amazing too, she's great, she's really charming, he's so funny. So basically the like if you've never seen one of these, which actually I hadn't, had never seen a Moneypenny like scene with this this dynamic in it. She's basically like, so when are you gonna like stop fucking around and marry me, and he's like, oh she's She's like, I want to have dinner tonight and he's like, I have plans,

Yep.

Bond decides to arrange a quote unquote chance meeting with Goldfinger and he gets it and I'm not like, You're gonna be like what And I'm like, look, I understand, I understand. What I'm about to say is so so ridiculous. He gets a not see gold bar, yep, a gold bar with a with a Schwatska in it. Honestly, though, even if this wasn't a thing and you wanted to say it was a thing, can't you just put a Swatsaka on a current day gold bar, right.

Like you are a spy organization, mock one up, mock something up.

But regardless, he gets Nazi gold yeah to use in his interactions with his target. Because that is apparently like a find if you're a collector of antique gold bars, the Nazi ones are apparently high on the list.

Cool. Before leaving MI I six, Bond goes to meet up with Q, played by Desmond Llewellyn. He played Q seventeen times.

He was Q for so long that I saw movies with him.

Oh, so Q outfits him with a new car. It's an Aston Martin. There's bulletproof glass. There's rotating license plates for every country. Defenses include a smoke screen and an oil slick. He has mounted machine guns on either side and a passenger side ejector button built into the gearstick.

All of these were written by Chekov yep. I want you to know all Chekhovs Chekhovs Q arement will all be deployed.

He also gives Bond two homing devices, one large and one small that will report back to the car's dashboard and to headquarters. And he shows him like the screen, this big green s circle in the car where the homing device report back to it looks like she.

Hulks tit HAA. By the way, I was looking this up while you were talking. Desmond Llewellyn passed away in nineteen ninety nine. He was in all the Bond movies up until nineteen ninety nine's The World Is Not Enough playing Q. So he was in I believe that's the last even of the Pierce Brosnan era Bonds. Yeah, yeah, he was in all the Bond movies.

You No Die Another Day is the Brosn's last one.

I think, Oh, I don't know, Okay, I could be wrong about that. I'm looking at this man's IMDb, not the Bond Ones. So yeah, he is in. He is all the way up until the late nineties playing Q in these movies. That's incredible. Good times, good times. We cut to a golf.

Course, a famously riveting sport.

If you want to give Tom Cruise a fucking aneurysm, make him watch this movie, yeah, because he will be like, are you fucking kidding me? This man played golf for days, days, and I had to climb the tallest building in the world, fuck everyone, and he'll just like get depressed and eat a bucket of ice cream. The idea that they would put golf in a spy thriller is shocking, just shocking.

Yeah, he is, in fact Japanese.

You know what the name Sakata. I don't really know that much about Asian culture, I have to be honest, but the same Sicata did sound vaguely a Japanese comatie.

Yeah.

I was like, that doesn't sound Korean to me. Oh keoki w Did I not just say he's because they didn't care.

It was all the same.

They don't care.

They did not care.

So Bond introduces the Nazi gold. At some point in the middle of the game.

He just drops it on the green.

As one does as when he's like, oh, this Nazi gold is weighing down my pocket. Maybe that's why my swing isn't swinging as much as it should. Goldfinger is like basically salivating at the Nazi gold and he's like ooh ooh, And he gets Bond to bet the gold bar on the outcome of the game, yep. And Bond's like, well, what I get if I win? And he's like, the money equivalent, the financial equivalent of the gold bar five thousand dollars, which again in nineteen sixty four, it must.

Be so much money, so much money.

Goldfinger cheats with odd jobs. Help right, he's dropping the wrong balls, he's moving around. I don't you know what, honestly, guys, I don't even know enough about golf to understand what's happening. And this scene is interminable. It's too long, genuinely, Paul, how long does it go? Do you think like six seven minutes?

It has to be at least five minutes long.

It's like in a movie that's just under two hours. It is so much realistic. Bond realizes that he's cheating. He allows Goldfinger to believe that he's won, but then pulls a swap on the golf ball to prove that according to the strict rules of golf. That everyone suddenly gives a shit about Goldfinger actually lost.

Yep.

So I'm what is this scene accomplish in the story?

It like gives them a chance to meet.

I guess I circle around each other.

Yeah, but you can also do that in thirty seconds.

Uh huh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to point that out. Nothing thing happens was accomplished.

If you think this Nazi gold bar is going to be a crucial plot point, it will never be brought up again in the film.

We were just forced to remember the Nazis for no fucking reason.

Also, Moose knuckle watch. This is the first appearance.

Of Big Sean, Yes, big Daddy Sean.

Big Daddy Sean when he down to swap the golf balls. Yeah, there's a shadow.

I didn't see it in this scene, but you and another one of our friends were like, well hella, and I was like, damnit, I miss it. I'll catch it next time.

Yeah. So we cut to after the game. Odd Job is loading the car and Bond places the larger of his homing devices in the backseat. Goldfinger, who is a sore loser, comes over and makes it clear that he knows exactly who Bond is. He says, this is our second encounter. He warns, Bond back off. People think they want to play with me. They don't want to play. They do not want to play with me, mister Bond. He has odd Job demonstrate his skills with his bowler hat.

Okay, I'm gonna pause here and repeat that yeap for those of you who are like, wait, huh, what what did you say? Here's what he said. The man takes off his bowler hat uses it like a boomerang, because it boomerangs back to him. Doesn't it doesn't, be sure in my head canon it does. That wouldn't make it any more stupid than what is actually happening. Okay, so it doesn't boomerang, fine, it should. If the if the filmmaker thought of it would happen, it would have fucking boomerang?

The hat is actually stupid. Austin Power.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Mike Myers. You did an excellent job with Austin Powers, but you didn't this scene. You fucked up. The man takes off his hat and decapitates a marble statue with the sheer power of a bowler hat that otherwise doesn't seem to be reinforced with any steal or anything. It is simply a bowler hat. So it's the strength of the way that he's throwing it that's causing the decapitation of the statue.

Okay, do you have any questions?

No, okay, no, no, no, mister and he questions, Oh nope, he's just you know what, he's on his sheet cake.

He's mister Cruz is sheet caking.

Well, we'll ask him later what he thinks of this.

So Goldfinger gives Bond the check, Bond gives odd Job the golf ball, and odd Job stares him as he crushes it in his hand like an egg. Goldfinger drives off and Bond follows him using the homing device.

Bond follows Goldfinger all the way to Geneva, where we pick up with him following his targets up a mountain. It's peaceful, it's beautiful. The scenery is gorgeous.

That is lovely.

If nothing else by month has brought us vistas. All three of these movies have had absolutely stunning vistas. Bond looks behind him. He sees a I don't know, impatient young woman. She's played by Tanya Mallet. She's leaning on her horn. Move move it, buddy, and she speeds around him. He rolls his eyes. Women drivers a right right. Eventually, Goldfinger and Odd Job stop at a roadside stand to eat as villains do. Bond stops above them on the

Looks enough like Honor black Men that I know what Pussy Gilore looks like, and I know what Honor Blackman looks like. And I was like, is that Honor black.

If you had told me that every single woman in this movie was played by the same actress, I would have believed you. Yeah, I would. I would have been like, Oh cool, what an interesting conceit. So this woman is leaning down on the mountain. She's watching them both through the barrel of a rifle. She takes aim and just barely misses Bond with her shot. He ducks back into his car and starts driving again, so.

Bond pulls off. He lets the woman speed past him in her car and then starts a game of road chicken with her. She pulls past him, and he destroys her tire with one of his gadgets. She crashes off the road, luckily not off a sheer cliff, because most of this has been up a sheer cliff. But now there's a field.

Yeah, he's they're on the fucking matterhorn. How are they not falling off? By the way, I just want to point out the little gadget he uses the same thing that the Evil Gang uses in Greece to destroy Grease.

You're right, it does.

Are they called the scorpions what they call Yeah, it's that the scorpions used to defeat the tea birds in Grease in the movie Grease.

So she crashes off the road. She's unharmed. He goes to try and charm her, but she's not interested. She is genuinely like fuck off, but she accepts his offer of a ride to a garage. She says garage, and he grabs a wooden case out of the back seat with the initials TM on it yep, starts driving her. She says her name is Tilly Solmes.

It gets an eyebrow lift yep.

And the wooden case holds her ice skates. So she says, holding the ice skates. This is the closest we get to a real Sean Connery line read you know when he goes lovely spot Haha, really really close. They arrive at a garage. They tell Tilly will be twenty four hours before they can replace her tires. Bond is like, all right, let me give you a lift a hotel. She's like, I can take care of myself. Get out of here. He finally takes the hint and drives off.

Yep. What's funny is she thinks that he drove her off the road by accident, and like that her both her tires just popped by themselves, like the amount of carnage done to those tires. Like she had even half a brain, she'd be like, well, you just tried to kill me. Yeah, now fair because I almost just killed you. But this is getting awkward now, but we're even now, Yeah, now we're even bond. Eventually pulls up to Auric Enterprises, a large factory situated deep in the forests of the mountains.

Yeah.

I cannot tell if this is Raycister.

It's weird now.

The actors all appear to genuinely be Asian.

Yes, one hundred percent, but the outfits.

Are of like a Chinese yeah, like they're meant to vocal like a certain look. And I can't tell if it's historically accurate, if it's what like a factory worker.

I do not know.

In China or Japan or Korea. I'm not even sure I think.

I mean, these men I think are specifically meant to be Chinese, are they? Okay? The only one who has lines is Sky mister ling. Later they identify him as Chinese.

God, that's right. They yeah, no, no, no, Paul, they don't read identify him Chinese. They identified him as a red Chinese.

That's right.

They say, a red Chinese.

And I'm like, oh, didn't love how that made me feel?

Hello nineteen sixty four. Yeah, I genuinely don't know. I don't have any historical context. This movie was filmed in nineteen sixty four. Yeah, I don't know.

And to be clear, the movie makes no point of explaining why all of ORX employees are Asian men. I think the movie things is because golfing Or has this deal with the Chinese government. So like the idea is like he's been provided these men by the Chinese government to do his bidding, because like, I think that's the implication, but that's never made clear. So to a casual viewer, it just appears that for some reason, he has like a seemingly never ending clown car of Asian Asian men.

Honestly, their presence isn't what I think is racist. I can't. I can't determine if the outfits or the racist thing or not that. And it's very possible the or not. And I'm just being overly sensitive to it because I don't know what, Yeah, what am I looking at? And the script for this movie is so backwards and like loose and like was written on a bunch of napkins and then thrown at the actors like, I don't know, make something of this that, like none of this makes any sense.

Yeah. So he sees Goldfingers speaking with the associate mister Ling that we just discussed that mister Ling is a Chinese nuclear fission exit.

A red Chinese, Red Chinese. It's so weird.

Goldfinger is explaining that basically, he takes his gold, he melts it down, he gilds his rolls Royce in gold, then he ships his car to other countries and the gold is smelted back down. Now we know how he's smuggling gold Erica. This could not possibly matter less to the rest of the movie. Forget it, it does not matter.

It does matter a little tiny bit later for something absolutely hysterical.

But you're right, Yeah, you're right.

But but again, this is how he's smuggling his gold.

Now we know.

Honestly, James's mission is over yea, because all he had to do was find out how he smuggled his gold. He found out, He's good, should be a hop on the next plane in England and be like I figured it out everyone.

Yep. More important is Bond overhearing Goldfinger mentioned to mister Ling Operation Grand Slam.

They're into baseball.

Yeah.

Bond heads back to the forest and he sees the same woman from before, Tilly Solmes, setting up a shot. Honestly, it's set up to make it seem like she is a professional snake, yeah, or like sharpshooter. Right, it's so not the case. He tackles her and her gun flies up out of her hand and accidentally touches one of the like the trip wires on the estate and sets off an alarm. It turns out that her name is Tilly,

Turns out she's just a really terrible shot and also has a rifle.

Turns out she's not a sniper. She's a fucking school teacher with a gun. So because the alarm is gone off, these two have to stop their little fight and flee because a bunch of guards have started approaching. Armed guards, he rushes her into his car. They flee by car by Aston Martin and despite Bond pulling out all of his defenses, this is where that scene with Q pays off. We see the oil slick, we see the smoke screen, smoke screens.

With machine guns, the bulletproof glass.

All of it. He uses all of that stuff, but more men keep coming, because like you said, there's an endless amount of henchmen in gold Fingers payroll. They wind up cornered on a cliff. He tells Tilly to run into the surrounding forest when when he says go, he says go and she runs for it. Only a last odd job is on the scene, dum foot. He throws his bowler hat and hits Tilly with it. She falls to the ground, Bond rushes over to her and she's dead. Okay, yes, bye bowler hat.

First of all, First of all, how did this hat not? Shear her head right off and sheered through marble.

It cheered through marble.

Do you think it has settings like a blender? Yes, like like it was on. It was on. It was on puret before, but now it's a bludgeting weapon, a crushed Aha.

This movie wrote a check and fucking cashed it. Yeah, this is so stupid. She literally it just hits her on the head very lightly and she goes, oh it falls down.

Yeah, and that's it. Dead bird bones on a woman.

I'm gonna say it again for the cheap seats death by bowler hat. Our parents loved this movie, you guys.

Yeah, they thought it was great.

All of our dads thought this was fucking cool. I just want that context out in the open. Yeah, all of our dads thought this was cool.

It's also really nice of everyone to stop shooting so Bond can run over to her. It's like firefight, firefight, firefight, bowler hat dead, everyone stops as Bond runs over.

Yeah, let him check on his girl, for God's sake. Bond is surrounded and captured.

All right. There's a long sequence a Bond attempting to flee, most notable for its use of the final Chekhov defense the passenger side ejector.

Seat, which is fucking awesome.

It was awesome. But for some reason they've they've loaded Bond back into his own car and make it they're making him drive back to the factory.

Sure like there's a man holding a gun to Bond's head, so he drives in the direction where the rest. And it's not one car, there's like six cars.

In the fleet. Yes, so there's also a small Swiss grandmother using a machine gun. Very fun, also awesome. Yeah, there's also complete incoherence as far as to what is exactly happening. They like, go through the gate, he drives back out of the gate, so you think he's in the forest, but he's not in the forest. He's still on the grounds there. It is almost like like like a chase scene in a comedy movie where people keep running back and forth across the same thing. Like it's really incoherent.

Honestly, I'm trying to even remember it. I watched it twelve hours ago.

Yeah. Bond winds up eventually crashing into a wall and knocking himself unconscious. So he's captured again at the end of this, making this entire thing narratively pointless. Excellent, nothing happened here. He is captured at the beginning, He is captured at the.

End, narratively pointless, but ejection seat point full.

Yeah.

Bond wakes up mmmm, strapped spread eagle to a table. It's like this movie read my diary. Goldfinger jovially greets him as Double O seven. He's like, hello, Double O seven, I know exactly who you are. He wants to show him his new industrial laser that can see if I can get through this, that can project all the way to the moon. It can laser a spot to the moon, or also cut through solid.

Gold a little more earth bound use.

He demonstrates his capabilities by having it start to cut through the solid gold table that Bond is strapped to. Bond is strapped spread eagle. I don't know if I said that part spread Eagle again, all your dreams. Yeah, I'm gonna say it the third time, I really spread eagl What if.

He was in the terry cloth baby blue rampa, Oh my god, it would have been obscene.

This is actually that would be pornography. That would have been that would have been banned in the United States. And honestly, I'm with the censors on that one.

There's no way you're not getting sidecock.

Yeah, I'm with the MPAA on that one. So the laser starts creeping ever closer to Bond's greatest weapon, his cocktail stick and Martini olives. What do we think James Bond's singed pubs smell like I would say leather and whiskey.

I was gonna say, I was gonna say baby powder and aqua velva.

Brought worst and dreams come true exactly. Oh god, Hagis haggis. Yes, you're right, it wouldn't be brought worst. It would be haggis and fresh like moss from the from the Highlands Highlander moss. When his pubes start to singe, they sound like like bagpipes rolling to the hills. So it is the slowest laser ever this is where we start to get because we've gotten that we haven't really gotten to

It is so slow.

But he's getting increasingly nervous, as one would, right, and he's like, what do you expect me to talk just because you're gonna singe my penis off? Because I will, And of course Goldfinger says the iconic line from the movie, No, mister Bond, I expect you to die amazing. He exits the room as they make fun of an Austin powers to not actually watch the guy die.

Desperate, Bond says, I know about Operation Grand Slam. The laser creeps ever closer to Bond's crown jewels as Goldfinger hems over his decision if what to do.

He has time to think about this though, because I can't tell you enough that laser is hours away from actually hitting his anything.

It's one of the lesser known slug lasers. Hah. Luckily, for the heterosexual female population of the world. Goldfinger decides that Bond is worth more to him alive. After all, Bond says, hey, if I die, double A eight will be deployed. And he knows everything I know, So if Goldfinger keeps Bond alive, then at least he will have eyes on the enemy. He has another faithful servant, a man named Kish, turn off the laser and knock Bond out with a tranquilizer.

Is okay? Question?

Yeah?

Is it like Buffy? And like The Slayers where one dies and then another one is called up? Have there been? Is a double A one, double A two like? Is it triple zero like triple Z? Double O one, double O two double? Are they all dead? And that's why we have double O seven?

That's interesting? I don't know.

Are they like concurrently up to nine double oh one nine nine out in the field elsewhere? And why is double oh eight the one that's back up for double oh seven?

Right?

Misumably double eight is out there doing his own thing, because.

If they're ranked the then Bond should be double A one or double O nine, depending on the ranking set.

I think it's not a ranking system. I think it's when they were hired. It's a hiring system. So he is the seventh of this class of superspy that was hired to the team. Okay, let's presume. Let's presume not there's no triple Z. Let's presume it starts at double O one and goes up to double O nine.

All right, with that figured out, we are about halfway through the movie. Erica, shall we take a short break? Sure, we will be right back after these messages.

Do you expect us to break, Paul.

No, Erica, I expect us to pee and we're back.

Bond wakes up on an airplane to his favorite site. A beautiful blonde woman that looks exactly like every other woman he's looked at for the last three weeks. She's hovering over him. This is the one, the only pussy Galore, pussy poosy pussy Galore, played by Honor Blackman. Honestly, the name Honor Blackman is.

So good that's almost yeah, It's like that's.

Almost a Bond villain name too. They didn't have to go the extra mile and give us pussy Galore, but they did, and I bless them for it. She is and I was not expecting this because I really had never given this movie any thought.

Before watching it last night.

I knew there was a woman named pussy Galore in it, and I was like, period, end of story, period, end of story, and it's going to know. And if you had asked me what is pussy Galore's profession, I would have said, like gangster's malla or a professional assassin.

A cabaret singer.

The answer would not have made the top one thousand guesses of what I thought pussy Galore does for a living in this film, Guys, Pussy Galore is Goldfingers private pilot. She a pilot. That means, at some point in her life before she got this private gig, she worked for a commercial airline. She worked at TWA, and passengers going from Paris to Berlin had to hear this is your pilot,

Even it's even better because she also has like a kind of almost a Catherine Hepburn accent.

She does.

She's like, Hello, this is your pilot, pussy Galore.

Hello, this is pussy Glare, your pilot speaking. That's right, you heard me, pussy Galore. They let me fly this plane that you and your family are on. I don't want to be sexist, No, I don't.

I do. She is proven in the movie to be in excellent pilot.

But if I get on a fucking plane and it's.

A woman pilot.

And it is a Brittany, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. You need to be Susan. I need a real fucking adult name. If your name is Finn. If you're like, hi, I'm a male pilot and my name is Finn, I'd be like, no, no, absolutely, who is your co pilot? Is their name something normal? Because that's who I want flying this fucking plane. I want a man or a woman who was alive in the seventies flying this. I want Sully Sullenberger or nothing. So once again, our pilot, pussy Galore, he does.

Say, I must be dreaming. She says that.

Who I should mention at this moment in the film, it's not piloting. The plane they are on is in the is in the is out in the general seating area with mister Bond. She tells him that she's flying him to Goldfingers private estate, where he will be a quote unquote guest, also known as a hostage. He tries to charm her with his James BONDI and charms, but she's like, no, no, no, sir, I am immune to your chums, so just put them away. I'm pussy galore.

I did kind of believe her. She put him in his place pretty well.

I think so too. I like, yes, I agree. She's she's a professional pop She's a fucking pilot.

She is a private pilot.

Professional Take her seriously. She is a pupa private pilot, n a pussy galore.

All right. As they near their destination, Bond asks to freshen up in the bathroom. So there is a there is an Asian flight attendant, because of course there is. Her name is Miley. She tries to spine him through the peepole through this little like hidden people. He keeps foiling her while he's in the bathroom, Bond activates the mini homing device and hides it inside the heel of his shoe. He eventually re emerges in a three piece

Yes, this is where I saw it.

And I was like, whoa. Yeah, there's repeatedly throughout this movie because he's in this suit for a while.

He's hanging down.

Yeah, he's hanging down.

No other way to say, no other way to say it. If she is Pussy Galore, he is, he is.

He is sausage links McGee.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

So he walks out, Pussy is there, and she tells him behave or I'll shoot you. And this is in a trank gun, it's a real one. And he points out, Oh, Pussy, you know more about planes and you about guns. If you shoot me here, the bullet will go through me and then through the fuselage and they'll both be sucked out into outer space. But you know, don't worry about it. I prefer more common landing. Excellent. He promises to make no trouble when being transferred to Goldfinger.

Meanwhile, well, while this foreplay in the sky is going on. By the way, I want to just clock something very very quickly. This film technically passes the Bechdel test. Yeah, because Miley and Pussy Galore talk about they are talking about a man. They're talking about James Bond, but they're talking about him in the context of he is work. So they're talking about like how to foil him, how to follow him, what to do, like they're talking about

Yeah, this is shocking, shocking, positively shocking, shocker.

This is the first film, the only film this month that passes the Bechdel test. Just go ahead and take a nap, right now.

It's a squeaker, to be clear, the squeaker, but.

I'm going to give it a pass.

Yeah.

So while this is happening, we see Felix reporting to em that Bond's homing signal has gone online. EM tells him to keep an eye on it, but not to blow the operation. Trust Bond. He knows what he's doing. He's got everything under control. Yeah, obviously, Pusher Captain Pussy. Captain Pussy pulls the plane again. I can't get it over it. She's a fucking pilot. It's just not what

A fucking a state in Connecticut, a state.

In Connecticut, She just walked off a lobster boat in Maine, but she is actually a Kentuckian with a flying circus. Bond sees the other planes in Pussy Galore's flying circus fleet and remarks on how impressive those pilots are. There are the blue Angels of their day they are doing. They're bobbing and weaving through the sky. Yeah, she says,

Bond would not know where to point his deck and he would like and also, just to be clear, so this flying circus is indeed pussy galore.

Oh, oh my god, it is excellent, yeah, excellent, honestly, And this must be where like Austin Power got the ideas for the fembots, like, but they got the idea for that in Austin Powers because it is like they are fembots. They report that dress rehearsal went like a dream. So they're rehearsing for some unknown aerial act.

All right, So we cut to a large horse farm called Auric stud I don't love that. Bond is greeted by Goldfinger and promptly locked in a cell in the basement. We also see that Felix, that's the American CIA contact from the beginning of the movie who reported that the homing signal is online. Felix is in the area, but he is keeping his distance, as instructed by Am, don't mess with Bond. He knows what he's doing.

This is one of those horse farms in Kentucky that also has a dungeon. Yeah, like, just to be clear, I didn't want anyone to gloss over that this is a horse farm in Kentucky that also has a dungeon.

Moving on, moving on, Kish that's the other. That's Goldfinger's other right hand man tells him that his guests are here. We cut to an enormous great room where mob bosses from all over the country, most importantly one mister Solo await Goldfingers arrival. Hubbub hubbub, PE's and carrots, peas and carrots. They're talking, they're talking, they're talking.

Okay, these mob bosses. Uh, we have to stop again. First of all, the movie never outright says, oh, these are the five Families or whatever. You get a lot of funny lines like what are you trying to pull goldfing up? I don't work with anyone from Chicago, and like, let's just say, the gold fingers layers suddenly got a lot more girlicky smelling, let's put it that way. Well, but a little bit, a little bit if they're doing like the James Cagney mob Loss from the nineteen thirties movie.

They're idiots.

At one point, what point, Goldfinger shows them a map and one of them goes, what's that map there?

Like, just look at it.

It's a fucking map.

It's a map. It becomes self explanatory once you realize it's a map.

I didn't got to no fancy school. I don't know about no maps.

So Goldfinger comes in. He announces, I owe all of you a million dollars and I can pay you that if you want, or tomorrow, I can pay you ten times that amount. What what are you talking about?

Is this a merry go round?

That's a madness? Goldfinger? He plans on robbing the biggest bank in America, Fort Knox. This is met with general scoffs and disbelief, but he says, hear me out a great deal of unnecessary pomp and circumstance starts happening. The important crucial part for us to know is that a model of Fort Knox rises up from the ground floor. He says, Man has climbed Mount Everest, gone to the bottom of the ocean.

But when man has not yet perfected Yeah, is crime crime crime set in a fully British accent. Yeah, that's Goldfinger's whole thing. He's going to perfect crime.

Yep.

That's the stakes of this film. That's the stakes we're living under.

He is. If you will forgive me because you will not understand about to say the Napoleon of crime. That is for all your musical theater kids out there, I will not explain it any further.

I wish you wouldn't.

Okay.

We cut down to Bond in his dungeon, who manages to tempt his guard into the cell. Okay, okay, okay, we gotta talk about this scene.

We gotta talk about the bde going on in this scene.

We gotta talk about the flirty smiles. He's flirting, He's flirting, he's flirting. Okay, So they have Sean Connery go up to the cell the door of the sell where there's a little window at the windows, there's a there's a guard like one of the one of the Asian men, sitting right outside the cell with a gun, like just in case mister Bond tries to escape. He waggles his eyebrows at him. The guard is unmoved. He smiles that thousand watch Sean Connery smile. The guard is not not moved. Yeah,

Yeah.

Then Bond waggles his eyebrows and smiles simultaneously and then winks right at him. Now he is peaked, His interest is peaked. Paul, is this a gay moment that we're watching?

Here's what I think through my lens. Now, there's no way this is not a gay moment. I think in nineteen sixty four it wasn't even considered possible. It is him being charming. He's being a man's man. Yeah, yeah, And you.

Know men's men act. They put on their blue rompers and wink at each other. That's a real man's man, if you know what I mean.

It's one of the situations where you like that the movie. Maybe the movie didn't even think of it. I don't think it crossed their minds that this could come across as homosexual.

Uh, as a panji moment, this was super intriguing, So Okay. So after he winks, waggles his eyebrows, smile the bagpipe, haha, would you care to learn? He gets the guard to like get interested and stand up and be like, what are we doing here? Are we doing what I think we're doing? And then Sean Connery, as he's smiling as he's waggling his eyebrows, moves down. I said what I said. Yeah, he moves down out of view because he moves out of the window of the doors the doorstep. But is

If we learned anything from the Americans, we know that spies are trained too far anyone that they need to fuck. Yes, that's what we get out of the situation.

Get out of a pickle. The guard opens with your pickle. With your pickle, Get out of the pickle with your pickle. The guard opens the door because who the fuck wouldn't see? Yeah, and in the two seconds that Bond was out of sight, he has disappeared. The guard looks around the cell. Where the fuck is this guy? He's no longer here. The camera slowly pans up and we see them Sean Conry is Spider manning on the ceiling of the cell.

We can't tell you enough how much there is not room for him to have gone down, gone to the side, and then Spider manned.

Up the wall like in the amount of time no less.

Yeah, utterly impossible.

Utterly impossible, so completely ridiculous, also hilarious, yep. So he knocks the guard out and he flees the cell. He wanders through the downstairs and eventually manages to get underneath the Fort Knox model so that he can watch and hear gold Fingers plan as he's as Goldfinger is telling the mobster's upstore. The plan is they're going to knock out all the soldiers at Fort Knox with Delta nine gas, which will cause twenty four hour unconsciousness, and they're gonna

What what kind of sex act? Is a Pussy's Flying circus.

I'm glad you.

Asked, Paul. I'm assuming it involves ropes.

Yes, it involves a rope and pulley system. You can buy one at all the major sex shop retailers. Actually Goop sells one.

Goop Goop came up with it, up.

With the pussy flying circuits. There's also a clown involved. Of course, it has to be a clown. It's a circus. Yeah, there's three rings. You have to jump through the three rings. I'll just show you later.

Okay.

You know what, if I talk about it, it'll ruin it for you.

We'll just tease you with this. There's a clown Wigmerkin involved.

Absolutely, There's a hoop of fire that someone has to jump through. Yeah, your penis so okay, So Pussy's Flags circuit. He's gonna gas everyone and then they will go in and rob the place. Bond is writing the plan down on a piece of scrap paper that he has. He wraps it around his homing device and he puts it in his suit pocket. At that moment, Bond is discovered by pushing Hello, Pushing Pusy, Hello, Poosy who with the aid of some armed guards recaptures Bond. Bond is bad

Upstairs again, mister Solo is the lone crime boss who has not taken in with gold Fingers plan. There's also a really femmy moment for mister Solo this scene where he's like, what are you talking about? It really made me laugh. He says, you know what, I'm gonna take my million and I'm gonna go, and Goldfinger graciously leads him out.

He's like, all right, if you don't want to be part of the plan, you don't, no problem. That's fair, that's fair.

I will pay you what I owe you. We can do business another time. Once he's gone, kish the other the other man servant seals the great room with all the crime bosses inside and gases the whole group. They all collapse.

What the fuck? Yeah, was the point of any of this?

It was so we could learn what the plan was, only we're not actually learning the plan.

This may this I this is so infuriating. Genuinely, What is the point of this scene that we just watched with the mob bosses? There is none? The answer is there isn't the actual point was to get James Bond to hear the plan that we heard. Yeah, but I mean he could have just told it to one of his henchmen and Bond could have overheard it. Like moving on, moving on, And it's.

Going to lead to another tangent because now we have to deal with mister Solo. Yes, and truly the most egregious tangent of the entire film.

Oh no, no, no, that golf worse. I will stand by that, that line, the golf scene because.

If there's no moose knuckle in the mister Solo scene.

Because at least the mister Solo scene involves an insane amount of violence and I'm here for that. So outside, Goldfinger loads one million dollars worth of gold bars into a case and brings it to Solo in his car. Pussy walks up with Bond, who for some reason is not in his cell. She's like, hey, I just wanted

That's why she's called Pussy.

That's why she's called pussy, Guys, get your fucking heads out of the gutter. She's called pussy because she loves to bring him treats. So she brings him to Goldfinger as like, look what I did. I captured mister Bond, and Bond manages to put the homing device with the note into Solo's pocket as Solo gets in his car, odd Job then gets into driver's seat and drives off the Solo. Felix notices Bond's homing device is on the move and follows it. Well, Felix is onto mister Solo.

Yep, what it now happens? Erica? Yeah, is a four and a half minute sequence.

Holy shit, it's four and a half minute.

I timed it.

It is four and a half minutes too much time.

In which, with Felix always on his tail, odd Job drives Solo past the airport onto a side street shoots him, which, honestly, Solo, I knew you were getting shot. How did you not know you're getting shot? I'm not even a criminal.

Everyone knew he was getting shot.

Yep. He brings the car to a lot, presumably with Solo's body still inside. It's crushed into a little square. We don't see entrails popping like a ZiT because this was made nineteen sixteen before.

We have loved that, though I would have loved to hear a crunch.

Then the crushed car is put back into another car that odd Job brings back to gold Fingers so they can somehow, he says, separate my gold from mister solo.

Excellent.

Why didn't odd Jobs simply not remove the gold from the car before or it was crushed?

None of this makes sense except to make a really gross joke about this guy's body and bones being crushed into the gold.

Also, is someone at the dump on gold Fingers payroll because they're they're crushing a car then placing it back into the car of the very suspicious man.

That's just like, that's just do you mean the giant butler dressed like the giant the man dressed like an English butler for no reason who doesn't speak Yeah. Also, the weight of that car, the crushed car putting in putting that in the truck, that is literally putting another car into a car. This odd Jobs car wouldn't be able to drive out of that lot. It would be too heavy. Remember, like mister Rogers. They used to show like scenes from a crayon factory and you'd watch like

Actually, my note here is I guess it was cool watching the car get crushed, right, it was a little oh wow.

I would watch footage of cars getting crushed.

Because I actually because it looks like they're actually crushing a car. They're doing that for real.

Oh yeah, this looks like one of those mister Rogers film clips.

Yeah. All right, So Felix follows odd Job the whole way. He decides, right, I'm just going to go back to the farm because there's nothing else to be done. The note that Bond wrote is never discovered. The homing device just goes offline and has no bearing on the plot.

Weird, You're right. I thought this was going to come back later, but it.

Actually does not. I thought I thought what was going to happen was odd Job was going to throw Felix Solo's body, yes out of the car, Felix finds the note, and then we go from there. That is not what happens.

This movie is so dumb. Got this? This got a ninety nine percent critical reading in its day. Ninety nine percent of critics were like, everything in this plot makes one hundred percent of sense. I have no issues with this film. Back at the stud farm, Goldfinger and pus, he.

Don't finger your pussy with gold.

Gold fanngal, hell fanga you with his gold and fanngal. He'll ruin the pH balance of y'all. Pussy.

I think we've lost the ballady.

Okay. So they are sitting on the veranda enjoying mint julips and delighting in the amount of money they'll be receiving from Operation Grand Slam. They're villains. They are villaining. Kish arrives to tell them that Felix is very surreptitiously hanging on the horse fence with vernoculars.

He's so out in the open.

Here's a CIA agent thirty feet away from you, looking at you through binocular Should we be worried about that? Anyone anyone care? Goldfinger suspects that this might be one of Bond's allies, and he summons Bond in the hopes of showing Felix that he isn't in any kind of trouble. He even asks Pusher to put on something that might show Felix how much fun mister Bond is having. She's wearing she loves a job, purse, she loves a job. She's wearing like crushed velvet jodpurs.

And could not be more from Maine. You're right, Like, she's so northeastern.

She's so Northeast, she's so patrician. She's wearing like a proto wrap dressed top and like joggers. And he's like, why don't you go put on a little something sexy to entice our guests, And she's like, absolutely What.

I love about this is that she goes and just puts on the same outfit in a different color.

It's not velvet, it's lemae. I guess that's what makes it sexy the second time. You're absolutely right, all right.

So Bond is brought to Goldfinger and he starts talking to him. He's like, look, first of all, Delta nine gas is fatal. Doesn't knock people out for twenty four hours, It fucking kills them, And b He's like, this is a lost cause, you're never gonna pull off your heist because the golden Fort Knox simply weighs too much for him to remove it quickly enough before like all of the arm forces that aren't knocked out by the Knight Delta nine gas react. Goldfinger wonders, who said I was

Yeah, this is where you get that little moment.

Make a dirty bomb that will irradiate the gold, making it unusable for over fifty years. Other gold, most importantly his, will increase in value ten times with the store at Fort Knox no longer viable. Bond can't help but be impressed with Goldfinger's dastardly vision, and Goldfinger promises that you'll have a chance to see it up close, perhaps too

The same thing.

That's not even apples and oranges, that's apples and zebras.

Like apples and murder you're doing apples and murder here. That's not the same thing. Also, seatbelts didn't exist back then. Did you know that that's why so many people died in car accidents. Pussy returns in a purple outfit. Sexy. She takes mister Bond for a walk. Now they're flirting, they're having a good time. She is actually not immune to his charms. It turns out Felix leaves, he's like, well, mister Bond's gonna get his dick wet.

Yep, so he's gonna see it.

Bond and Pushy pushing henzy poosy head into a barn and Bond tries to appeal to her better nature about Operation Grand Slam. She's not interested in his appeals. No, she has no conscious She wants the money. He tries to like seductively pull her towards him. She uses that momentum to judoli him, flip him like across the barn.

Ah, Now you're asking for this.

And the two of them start to tussle. She throws him, he throws her. They judo chop each other, but in a sexy way. No one gets knocked out. They wind up like just rolling around in the hay, the literal rolling in the hay. They can no longer resist each other. She's like, is that She's like, is that an enormous penis in your pocket? Or are you carrying a gun?

Or is it a tremendous penis in your podcet ha ha.

And Bond let's pussy in on the biggest benefit of his double O seven status, his license to drill. Fuck yeah, these too go to the bone zone.

This is an operation grand Slam, all right. From that high we cut to the next day. We hit the part of the movie where really too much time is passing by. Poozies. Flying Circus takes off Spray's Fort Knox, the Delta nine gas, everyone on site collapses. It takes three full minutes of screen time.

Okay, while that was happening, here's what I was thinking. Because it takes three full minutes of screen time, what are the names of the other pilots in the Flying Circus. Here's what I came up with. Cuntie McGee, Snatch for Days, Cooter Shenanigans, Slice of Slidz, axe Wound Margaret. That's that's the beauty of these long sequences. You have time to really think.

Lots of snooch. All right, So all of these soldiers collapse. There is one soldier you see him. He's already on the ground and he clearly doesn't want to fall, and he's just slowly like going down to his knee and then like down to his elbow. Very funny.

There's one in every fucking action sequence in every movie, like one extra who's like, my knee hurts, I'm.

Sorry, I can't do that. We also see that Felix is on site. That's the CIA agent, so we think, okay, fine, three minutes have gone by. It was it was a little boring, but we got to see lots of snooch and hooters McGee, nope and aha and uh and snatch for days, snatch for days, uh uh gas, all of these men Fine, Goldfinger, odd job, Kish and all of their men move in. They set about their plan. They check the air for any remaining gas. Goldfinger arrives and

It is almost ten minutes interminable.

Of nothing happening. Like I get They have to get into the bank, right, you can show them spraying the gas in the air, and then you can just cut to them arriving and everyone to sleep.

Let's check it on Tom Cruise, shall we, Yeah, let's check it in. We've brought it. We brought in Daniel Craig, and we brought in Keanu Reeves from the John Wick franchise to take a look at this and just tell us what they think in general about the act in films of their forefathers. Oh no, they're kicking puppies there. Oh no, they're all kicking, but they're taking turns.

Guys, the puppies fault. Oh they're not interested.

They're okay, yep, that's fair. You know what I get it. Take your aggression out on those puppies.

Yeah, they're not cute puppies, Guys, don't worried. They're ugly puppies. So they set the bomb to explode crucially in three minutes and forty five seconds. I'm gonna say that again. Three minutes and forty five seconds. That's how long we have before the bomb explodes.

Got it done. As soon as the bomb goes online, Felix and everyone else wakes.

Up Oh my gosh, it's fake out.

Okay, look, I'm gonna admit I didn't see that one coming. Okay, I didn't see that one coming, and I was happy when it happened.

Yeah, because otherwise you've witnessed these women innocently.

Not innocently, they would have well, I guess not, because they would have thought they.

Were knocking They were knocking them out. They were criminals, but did not think they were committing a mass murder.

Of yes, we would have seen a huge mass murder. That's not what happened. So I was pleased. Okay, Why did they have to wait for them to prime the bomb before moving in. We don't know.

We don't know, we may never know.

It doesn't make any sense in any case. Felix calls for all the soldiers to head in and apprehend Goldfinger and his crew.

My favorite thing that he says is minimum offensive fire until the bomb has been neutralized. Listeners, we cannot possibly explain to you how much offensive fire there is before the bomb is neutralized.

Ha ha a oh, I just thought of something. When they gassed the town, could we say that they got PUSSI they did?

Hah, you've been poosied.

You've been pussied. Some pussis are toxic. Yeah, what did the gas smell like? You ask? You know what, I'm not gonna answer because I'm a lady.

Goldfinger handcuffs Bond to the dirty bomb and puts him on an elevator that lowers so slowly.

This is the point where everyone started hysterically laughing in our group that everyone like, no one said anything. We just watched thirty seconds of Sean Connery going down a slow elevator and we all lost our fucking minds because we have been now been subjected to so many scenes like this.

A Goldfinger leaves he sees the assault beginning. He immediately runs and seals the vault, with Kish and odd Job still inside with the dirty bomb. He disguises himself as an American soldier and starts shooting his own men, including mister Ling. He heads out into the fray. He's killing indiscriminately to ensure his own escape. We see him running towards the helicopter where Poosy is waiting.

Yes, I mean he's gone mad, He's just a Goldfinger has Goldfinger.

Has left the building.

He has lost his mind.

And all of his gold He also pulls out a gold gun, which is very interesting because there's a James Bond movie called The Man with the Golden Gun which does not feature or a goldfinger.

From what I know.

Oh interesting, I did not know that.

I don't know that.

Meanwhile, in the vault, Kish decides to take the few out of the bomb and save himself. Odd Job, not seeing the wisdom of this, decides to fight Kish, and Kish at one point goes, let's not be heroes. Yeah, and I'm like, okay, but are you be heroes?

What's happening? Like, Let's not be stupid. We don't have to die.

We do not have to die. This is we are caught. Let's just get caught and not die today by via atomic bomb, which does not sound like a pleasant way to die.

Agreed.

Odd Job does not care. He is a man on a mission. He flings Kish over the side of a flight of stairs. Kish falls down. I'm not kidding, maybe thirty feet. It dies on impact. It's not far enough. It's not far enough for someone to die on impact. It doesn't make any sense.

Stupid or death him or Tilly. Tilly is stupider because that's death by hat.

That's death by hat. But this one, this is close. This is close. You know what. I'm gonna cut back to our three actors and ask them, hey, guys, hey, oh my god, Kendu Reeves is throwing his head against the wall. Oh no, oh no, kill Kanu.

Got your face? Keanu, your face.

Bond sees this, and he starts to maneuver closer to get the handcuff key off of Kish, off of Kish's corpse. Say that ten times fast.

Luckily, the bomb is on wheels. The bomb is.

We really, there's stupid things. I can't even point the ball out, there's too many. The bomb is on wheels. Odd Job hurries down and he flings his hat at Bond. Bond ducks and manages to get free of the handcuffs. The hat cuts through a power cable on the wall, which lands in sparks on the floor. Ye okay, so now we have live electricity in the action.

It's also funny because later it will just be fire when it's crucially supposed to be electricity. It's fire, But who cares? Bond an odd Job scuffle, Bond seemingly unable to land any damage on his opponent. Every time he punches him. The guy just smiles, silent, no effect, just a scuffle.

We mean, just the dumbest fight choreo. Picture, the dumbest, worst middle school fight choreography. Stop, you got it, you nailed it.

Done. The timer on the bomb is ticking ever downward. Bond finally has the idea of using odd Job's own hat against him. Surely he can't stand up to the power of the bowler hat. Ha ha. He throws it and it lodges in the bars, protecting the gold the gold stash at Fort Knox. Right, odd Job smiles. He goes to retrieve his greatest weapon. Bond sees the sparking slash on fire cable and shoves it into the metal bars. It travels through the bars. Odd Job is holding his hat.

A felt hat. I mean, there must be something else in that hat to make it lethal, But whatever.

It conducts enough electricity that it electrocutes odd Job, killing him. This apparently like seriously burned this actor.

What really?

Yeah, I have no idea, but see here, Sakata, you want to make it big in Hollywood, You're gonna have to take enough electricity to stun a horse.

Can I have a line at least if I'm gonna do No, you're mute? Okay?

Cool?

Can I can you actually identify me correctly as a Japanese man rather than a.

Career No one knows the difference. It's nineteen sixty four.

Okay, thank you so much, sir.

Thank you for the opportunity.

Thank you for the opportunity.

Yep.

Bond rushes over to the bomb. He tries to get the case open so he can diffuse it as a firefight makes its way into the vault. Remember, there's like a whole fucking thing happening outside. I don't have time for this. He only has twenty four seconds left. This is a full eight minutes after we initially saw the timer starting to count down from three minutes and forty five seconds. Paul wants everyone to know he did the work. Bond finally gets the case open. He's looking at a

It looks like a dumb It looks like a train station, a play play train station.

Looks like an ice cream maker, model train station, a model train station, go through an ice cream maker. It's like there's wheels, that turn. It doesn't make any fucking sense. Bond has no idea how to diffuse the bomb. Then, at the last minute, a man we have genuinely never seen before in this movie, although I have to say he looks so much like Felix that I was like, I don't know, I guess that's Felix. Another CIA guy who's just like an anonymous white guy shows up and

Yep, Felix appears. He wonders where odd job is. Bond says, he blew a fuse, but I'm bump. He asks if they got Goldfinger, and Felix admits that they didn't, but promises he won't get far. Bond asks after Poosy, and Felix tells him that she called the authorities and switched the gas and the canisters. Bond says, huh, I must have appealed to her maternal instinct. It's no positively, sit, it's no work.

No, I mean, it's winking at the audience, because it's like, like, I know that that's I appealed to another instinct altogether. It's talking about that Felix brings James to a private plane that will be taking him to meet the President

The also don't fly on Boeing Boeing.

The window breaks, the cabin pressure drops, Bond has to hang on for dear life as they're all almost getting sucked out of the plane. Goldfinger, a man twice the size of the of the circumference of the window that was shot out, gets sucked out into outer space and dies.

Yep.

Paul lost his mind, you guys when this happened last night when we were watching the movie. He could not stop laughing because it is so cartoonishly stupid.

He's simply the man simply wouldn't fit through the window.

He would not fit.

Simply, not how it would work.

We all thought was gonna happen, was he was gonna plug up the whole in his body with his torso and they would land the plane with Goldfinger half in and half out of.

The po and the airplane window. Ask to the wind pants just blown off, ass out, that's what.

We all thought was going to happen. That's not what happens. Holy shit. Bond manages to make his way to the cockpit where Pussy is now struggling to regain control of this fucking plane because all the cabin pressure's gone. He tries to help, it's of no use.

So we cut to Felix that he and others are watching on the radar as the plane plummets towards the ground at forty feet. This plane is in free fall.

We see it visually, forty feet.

They are forty feet above impact. We see another dot appear right, So obviously Poosy and Bond have ejected. Yes, sure, the plane crashes into a large body of water, large enough that you don't see shore. It's just water.

It's the ocean, presumably. Yeah, they are flying famously from Kentucky to Washington, d C.

Yeah, there are.

No bodies of water unless that is I don't even know if the Mississippi River is between those two places.

It is not.

I'm shit at geography.

It is not.

It does not make any sense.

Then we see Felix soaring over some forested terrain in a helicopter. We pan down, we see Poosy trying to wave for help, before Bond pulls her back down and says, I've got a license to fill Poosy. He doesn't say that. I wish he did. I really wish he did. He doesn't. That was that was me. That was me, I said that. Bond says, this is no time to be rescued. He pulls the parachute over them, and they they they use that license.

They use the license to drill, to fill, to kill, to thrill.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah, end of film.

End of Classic American cinema. Yeah, British cinema.

British cinem I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm not offering a palate cleanser. Absolutely not. No, no, no, I mean, I don't care.

My palate cleanser is imagining Tom Cruise watching this.

Movie and furiously like punching children.

Yeah. Actually Tom Cruise wants to do those stupid stunts. Daniel Craig forcing Daniel Craig to watch this movie.

All right, stick around, We will be right back with our random observations and final rankings for gold Finger. And we're back Erica. What final titbits do you have? Titspits do you have to tell us about gold Finger?

They do a thing in this movie where every time they have Sean Connery doing a quote unquote stunt. Uh, I cannot tell you enough how these are not real stunts like they when they have him like like throwing someone over his shoulder, or like punching a man or using a woman as a human shield, they speed up the film two time. Yeah, I love that make it look more impressive than it actually is, but.

It just makes it look inhuman.

It just looks so dumb.

Yeah. Yeah, there's one point where he throws Poozy and she like she just goes too fast through the air, Like, yeah, it's like she got launched from a trebaget.

She was catapulted through that bar.

We did miss one moment of it was a different time. It was a different time, and which one It takes place with Dink In the very beginning, Felix comes up. He's like, Felix, this is DINKDNK, this is Felix. Felix, like, I have talked to you, and he says Shay, goodbye to Felix. Man talk, and then he slaps around the asses he walks away.

That's right, I forgot. I forgot. I think my brain was still processing the name Dink. Yeah, and I missed that party.

Shit. Yeah, look there's a lot coming at you.

We did not make enough hay out of Dink.

Dink, Dink.

Yeah, there was a woman named Dink.

He was planning on making hay out of dink, but he got distracted by Jill.

Yeah, yep, yep, yep. Men talk, fuck off, Bond.

I only have one more. I left a lot in the field on this one. But the this moment he goes down, he sees q Q was leading him through like the I guess research and development area that he runs.

Oh, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.

They passed one where they like, the two guys are in a sealed room and they have a parking meter, and like all of a sudden, gas starts exploding out of the parking meet. I'm like, I know what that is. Then they pass without comment. Basically, a man standing in a trench coat, he's kind of like clenching, like he's bracing for something. A man not even ten feet away from him, opens fire on him with an oozy yeah, yep, yep. Holes are blown in the coat. The man is fine.

Why would you try it? Why would you put why would you do a human trial?

Why are you testing it on people? I guess we can be lucky that man wasn't blown into a fine mist by the by the dozens of rounds that were emptied into his bulletproof best at point blank rain from a machine.

Gun is that the intern is that what they have the interview.

If you survive your internship, your month long internship at R and D, you can get into the double O program. Ah.

I only have one word too, because really we did leave a lot on the field.

Yeah.

The line when Felix is watching Bond towards the end of the film through the binoculars and they see Pussy leading him into the barn, right, the line just to like put a hat on a hat. Someone goes where is Bond headed? And Felix goes, ten will get you one. It's a drink or a dame yeah, excellent. That's just good, right.

It's good writing. Yeah, yeah, absolutely so good.

Okay, Paul, how are we going to rank?

Go?

Like, you know what, I can't sing anymore.

I'm done saying done.

How are you gonna rank.

Golden one to ten deaths by bowler hat? Oh?

So many deaths by bowler hat?

I mean, actually, when you think about odd job had a death by bowler hat? Yeah? Yeah, is that irony? I've never been able to define it, but I think that's irony.

That's the irony right there.

Yeah.

How about one to ten pussy galorees, flying circuses manned by tons of.

Muff, man by man by Fanny Abundance.

Also a drag queen name. Such an excellent drag queen name, Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to this stage. Fanny Abundance.

How from the House of Abundance, a famous actual house.

Yes, pooter a plenty, plenty of pooter plenty, poona.

Plenty, cornicopia, beaver.

Scads of men.

Of men.

She's English, she's right. Ah.

How about one to ten baby blue terry cloth rompers that evoke the height of masculinity.

So masculine all our fathers again, I just need to point out thought this was the most masculine character ever on film. Yeah, I think we should do this one baby blue terry cloth ass booty rompers.

Yeah, do you want to go first?

Sure?

Okay, all right, I've got it.

I don't know, I don't.

Know, I don't know. I'm kind of glad you said you were going to go first.

Okay. A lot of Asian henchmen that are just not explained, just not explained. The irony is there's a lot of diversity in the film because of it, and there's a lot of like roles for Asian people as a result. But they're all like wordless, quiet henchmen who don't say anything except.

For mister Ling and Miley. They both have like a handful of lines.

Yeah and Miley, and like they're in the most Like Miley is exactly dressedic how you think Miley is going to be dressed as like a flight attendant on his like Asian dream private plane.

I would say too, although odd job is mute and that's annoying, says how many lines? I actually think the actor like he has a kind of great face and he utilized like like I don't not notice him as a character because he's not speaking, he takes up space in the film. Yeah, and I'm not just trying to cover for the film because I thought it was funny, Like I think it's you can have a good wordless performance, and I think this is a good wordless performance.

Yes, it's hop notch henchmen, I have to say. I and again, I don't have the historical context. I do not understand if the outfits they're wearing are offensive or not. I'm gonna air on the side of probably they are. I don't know. I don't know, I don't know.

I was with you, I was like, I have no idea why they're all in this uniform. Why would they not be in Western clothing if they're in Kentucky or or Geneva, Geneva.

Or something, yeah, or England. And so there's that. I mean, I was joking that it passes the Bechdel test, but honestly, like, let's get real, like this is the most misogynist thing ever. It's so misogynist, it's so misogynistic that it's funny, and that it almost circles.

Back around it's a roadhouse.

It almost circles back around to being empowering because it's like almost a parody of misogyny. Yeah, and Pussy Galore, despite the fact that her name is Pussy Galore, is a really great character.

She owns it.

She fucking owns it.

I think I always assumed her name was like Elizabeth and like, but people call me pussy. But now her name it appears her parents named her pussy.

Pussy Galore is this pilot's name, and she has a profession, and it's not gangsters mall, which is one hundred percent when I thought it was going to be. I mean, Tillie Masterson's also a really interesting character.

Yeah, I wish they had more with her.

She like reaches her untimely demise.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's misogynistic as fuck. But honestly, it's so misogynistic that I don't find it even that offensive because it's all it is, like exactly, it's roadhousing. It is a parody of itself. It's fun, it's very fun. It's meant to be it's not meant to be taken seriously. It's all very winky winky at you. Yeah, I am going to give this film. I have so much enjoyment watching it. It doesn't age well in any way though, I'm trying to think of what I could even give it, Like, well.

That game moment kind of aged into being good. Yeah, because I don't think it's how it was intended. But now we just watch it, we're like, oh my god, Bond is flirting with that card. That's really funny.

Bon bond is you know bond is verse when we.

Say we are, we are covering this movie's ass in ways. It does not deserve for it.

It doesn't. It really really doesn't. Okay, like, let's get real, does it age well, no, no, no, no it doesn't. Let's give it a one. I'm gonna give it a one.

Monster, I'll give it a one.

I'm giving it an eight one aging poorly. No, pussy Glore is a good character. I'm gonna give it a three.

Okay, that's fair.

Let's add points for pussy as one should.

As you always show.

So yeah, I'm gonna give it a three out of ten. Baby Blue terry Cloth rompers. It is so enjoyable, it is so entertaining. It is a little slow, and there are, as we talked about, interminable scenes. So I would highly recommend gathering friends watching this at the revival house. If they played off the screen, making sure you are with other people, that you have a martini shaken, not stirred to watch this with you have you have popcorn to watch this. This is the ultimate popcorn movie.

Agreed. It was so fun watching with other people last night. Yeah, people have similar sensitive humor, and.

A bunch of us hadn't seen it before, so it was a bunch of people encountering that is so funny because again Paul had seen it already because he's watched it for the recap, and he he was giggling at things before they happened. And at one point you were out of the room, I can't remember what point, and you ran back in. You're like, I need to see everyone's reacting.

For what's about the hep it was terry cloth baby blue rompers.

Yeah, so yeah, I mean it's it is super enjoyable, how about you, Paul?

Yeah, excactly. It is specifically meant to be a male fantasy from nineteen sixty four. It ages like fish like does not age well, you guys, it's so fun and it's so stupid, like and I would say that even in nineteen sixty four, they are not taking it seriously. It is. It is not presented as reality by the filmmakers. It is meant to be a male fantasy. It is. It's essentially like soft core porn without the porn part, Like like that's what James Bond is at this point

He has cartoonishly bad at his job, and everyone says he's the greatest Bible time.

I don't think it's offensive because it's so silly, but it doesn't age well, Like there are things that, like a perhaps harder core feminist would be like, no, I don't find this funny, and that is fair. I'm going to agree with you. I'm going to say three. I

Nothing at all. I have a question for you before we wrap up for today, because I actually I meant to ask this earlier and I forgot. Do you think that Sean Connery is the hottest of the Bonds. Oh, we have, like, just to remind everyone, we have Connery, I believe. We have a guy named George Lazerbi, who I have to admit I've never even I looked up who the Bonds were.

I just look it up.

We have Roger Moore, who is actually the most Bond He's done the most Bond films of anyone else.

Roger Moore.

We have Timothy Dalton. We have Pierce Brosnan, and then Daniel Craig and then an unnamed future Bond possibly I don't know. I think they're going with Henry Golding. Maybe I don't know who they're looking for.

Are you looking at Oh, well, they don't know, because the head of Amazon Studio has just lost her job over this. That's like literally this week over this. Because they acquired Bond all these years ago, they haven't gotten a movie made because it's all this, it's all this red tape bullshit suit stuff. They haven't named a Bond because Amazon's been shitting the bed trying to get a movie made.

That's absurd. It's absurd maker a woman.

They're not going to come on. Okay, if you're gonna say fucking stupid things.

You know what, man talk, move away. And also I have to be I have to be all honest about something here. I've only seen photos of these men. I haven't seen a single Bond film from most of these guys. The only ones I've seen prior to, like Sean Connery's to this one was Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig.

I think he's up the Sean Connery is really hot in this movie. But there is something about stars in this era that I think they're gonna smell like cigarettes and whiskey all the time. Yeah, like it.

So it's feature not a book.

And it's also it's also like we have been trained to believe these men should look like gods. And he looks like a normal fit man, which is how it should be.

Sick apple Bottom, though, I have to say, I have to say.

But we're talking like just facially, just let's just.

Do face, just because otherwise Daniel Craigan will walk. It's not even close.

I think it might be Roger Moore.

You think Roger Moore has the prettiest face of all the bonds.

Yes, I'm seeing piercing blue eyes.

I was not expecting that answer, A.

Just just face because Pierce Browsman's almost like he looks like a picture. Mm hmm. I feel like Roger Moore's a little character.

Oh, I feel okay, okay, okay, but.

I'm not sold yet. This is off the top of my head.

I'm gonna zagzig u zig too, because I actually thought you were gonna say Daniel Craig or Chris Brosnan one of our bonds, but you are also so hot for Sean Connery. Last night we were watching this movie that I thought maybe Conrie was gonna swoop it in a I think Conrie is just is the third hottest bond. Okay, I'm gonna go and this is people are gonna be People are gonna be like, what did she just say? Timothy Dalton so fucking hot? Okay, I love Timothy Dalton. Okay,

Are you adding in personality? Are you adding in rakishness?

Yes? Okay, because that's the that is the whole basis of which Bond is based on the I love that smile, that Timothy Dalton smile. It's so hot. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go Pierce Brosnan just based on prettiness. He's very pretty. And then I'm gonna go Sean Connery.

Yeah, I mean I think facially Daniel Craig, who is, to be clear, light years better looking than I am. It's probably the least like like handsome handsome. He looks like a like like a gangster in a in a in a Guy Richie movie.

Yeah he has got he's got a mug, he's got character.

Face.

He's physically the hand the best of them all. But yes, but face.

We will all remember his tiny little boy shorts walking out of that rush.

Do you know I never saw that that one that was worth.

It, worth it for that moment alone. Okay, so let us know who you think the hottest bond is.

We should do a bond bracket, a.

Bond bracket maybe maybe we'll get some voting going.

And also I have to give George Lazimbia a shot. I don't know.

Maybe we have to look at George last. I genuinely don't know what he looks like. He maybe he's gorgeous. Okay, that's the end of the show because I'm not offering your palate cleanser. Are you suck? No? No, no, no go listen to Shirley Bassie. If you want a palate cleanser, just listen to Shirley Bassie. Everyone listening can please if they would be so kind, follow us on social media. We are on Blue Sky, We're on Threads. We are on Instagram. Instagram is where we post the monthly themes

Maybe we sell baby blue rompers.

Look, I am serious. We get enough sign ups on Patreon. I think I said five before, let's up it to ten. Ten signups on Patreon. I will do my level best to find that rapper.

I will make one. It'll take a while, but I'll do it.

Uh leave a five star of you on Apple Podcasts or any podcasting platform that you use, just like Sam eighty eight miles per hours and cookies for breakfast two two two two from the top of this episode. Let us know you did it. We'll send you a tope bag and if you don't know how to do it, you can go to the show notes and you'll find a link to rate this podcast dot com slash that age Well, which we'll tell you how.

That aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Pushykola, Oh Big Polly, Big Polly, Paul Haggish Precaola. We would like to thank everyone who requested any of the Bond films this month. There were so many, specifically Marcus for bringing up Goldfinger Yeah, and our for voting for Goldfinger. There was one very impassioned plea for of you to a kill which made me want to watch it.

It did so.

I don't remember exactly who requested that one, but you were seen. I just want you to know. Thank you all for reaching out letting us know what you want to hear. If you want to have a say in the topics we discuss, you can join our Patreon. Every patron gets to vote in this exclusive monthly poll to determine one of our subjects. Head on over to patreon dot com slash That Aged Well podcast to find out more.

Some of those tears come with thank you. We don't have a thank you today. We don't have a visit from double ow Panties. Oh no, no, if only we had had a chance to do the voice earlier in the episode A but yes, Erica, do you have any final thoughts on Goldfinger?

Gold Finger? We're gonna blow out my voice?

Why are than a mile?

He's got a gold paint. It's a schlog, a schlong made of solid gold.

He loves only per se.

He'll put gold in your possess.

Oh I'm gone.