300 - Corpse Walls, Hot Gates & a Wife Guy

So Erica. I've been trying to like emulate something you have taught me over the last few weeks because it's it's been a very hard time in the world, and I've been trying to cultivate my Blue sky feed to be just pet pictures and drag queens and like pictures of hot guys like that is that is what I'm trying to teach the algorithm I want to see.

Yes, it works when you do it right, it works.

It does work. But there is a pitfall that I was not aware of, which is that every day or so you stumble across a post about a pet that's like this buddy went to the Rainbow Bridge today. He was such a wonderful pet and I loved him so much. And it's the picture of like this cutest cat.

Can I tell you a dog I follow on Instagram passed away?

Oh god, and I just lost it.

It happened like a couple of months ago. It was it's men'swear dog for those of you do ressed away. I'm so sorry, Paul, I'm so sorry.

This is well.

I did not know this.

I'm so sorry, but yeah, men's don't pass away. And I got so upset like she buen that lives. I don't even think it's it's in the United States, pass away out in the world somewhere, and I am deeply fucking affected by it. Yeah, that's the problem with following pets online. I forgot to It's a danger.

It's a danger. Y'all be aware. Hey, I'm Paul in America, and this is that aged.

Well, yesterday's pop culture.

Today, three Hon dreff episodes. Cue the confetti, cue the naked men dancing around. We want to do something special for the three hundredth episode, Erica. We want to do something unique. And you said, I.

Said, Paul, we should do the film the three hundred because it has the title. I don't know if you get it, the title title, number of episodes that we've done, and also the number of spartans who died this battle a billion years ago.

Now, Erica, you didn't watch closely. Apparently it was two hundred and ninety nine according to this.

Yeah, David Wenham got out of their staff tree. Lucky bastard.

All right. Before we get to three hundred, we do have a couple of five star reviews to read. Do you want to read the first one?

Sure? The first review comes from Chili Pepper thirteen, longtime listener, first time.

Caller love it.

I discovered the show during the pandemic after moving out of New York to Florida. Hey, I am currently in Florida, Chili Pepper thirteen. It's a scene down here, man.

It's the whole scene.

It's the whole scene. And finding myself in the car for long stretches of time, I will admit it has become my savior. I have laughed out loud a bit too much while driving, but the mix of humor, the comfort of rehashing my generations, films and Erica, how shall we say, miamis okay? And Paul's New York nest.

That's pronounced New York, Miss New York.

Neis my Nie is pronounced like.

This, Miami nas it pronounced like a Savia Fergara exactly.

Hey, it's a It's a Gloria Stepan, all right. I feel seen on so many levels. I am for sure a lifelong fan. Five hundred stars.

Ah, Chili Pepper thirteen, Thank you Cheese.

Must ask yes, Chili Pepper thirteen. If you are in the Miami area, I hope we run into each other someday on the street.

Yep, to carry your tote bag. If you want a toe bag, let us know and then Erica will recognize you from Afar.

Yeah, I'll jump on your car. Is that an actual topeg.

We also have a five star review from pod Chaser today Erica. This one is from R. L. Gavrila and they write, one of my absolute favorites. I look forward to Mondays because I know I get to spend my commute with Paul and Erica. I have literally laughed so hard I cried. The alternate bathroom scene in Psycho nearly killed me. I love their friendship, their humor, and their tangents. Even when I disagree with their assessments, I shall hear

Well, that's the nicest thing that really is.

Thank you, Thank you you did miss my favorite. Oh damn Willy Wonka. Moment after mister Salt goes down the shoot, Grandpa Joe says, well, mister Salt got what he always wanted. Veruka went first. Oh damn oh damn, that's true. In Erica's defense, I think she did bring up that line and I cut it for time. Sometimes we'll just like mention a great line and we don't do anything with it, and I'm like, I have to try to keep this to a manageable size, So I have to take some of this stuff out.

You have to keep this to the size of a Florida commute to me.

Yes, exactly exactly. Chilli Pepper thirteen R. L. Gavrila, thank you so much for these reviews. If you want a tope bag so Erica can maraud you on the streets of Miami. Ah, please let us know this is you. I will send it off for you. Erica, we already know what movie we spoiled, the movie we're talking about, but tell us little bit about it. What kind of movie is three hundred?

Today's film is the two thousand and seven Horny historical epic three.

Hundred, three hundred, which was requested by no one because you didn't know we were doing this. It is requested by me, it was requested by Erica. It's a gift for Erica, and I think I think you all are gonna like it. I think You're gonna like what we have in store for you in this episode.

Yes, Goddamn movie.

Three hundred was written by Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstaid, and Michael B.

Gordon Not Jordan, not to be confused with actor Michael B.

Jordan, Not to be confused with the stunningly beautiful actor Michael B. Jordan. Look, Michael B. Gordon, They also be stunningly beautiful. I don't know, we don't know.

But also two thousand and seven, Michael B. Jordan was conservatively fourteen years.

Old, so probably not probably not him, but present day Michael B. Jordan is a site to behold. Let's just say it, like he could have performed in this movie. That's how hot he is. It was based on the graphic novel of the same name by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley. It was directed by Snyder and stars Gerard Butler, Rodrigo Santoro, Lenahiiti, David Wenham, Michael Fossbender, and Dominic West.

The gasp when I saw Michael Fossbender on my screen, I did not know he was in this. It was a total surprise. I've seen this before, and I remember Dominic West, and I remember like Gerard Butler obviously in Rodrigo Santo the Gasp. I was like, what are you doing here? It's like finding like a brilliant Shakespearean actor in your soap opera and you're like, why are you in this?

I saw him and I was like, Magnino Noginos in this. They're gonna win.

The principal cast of three hundred underwent an eight week training regime in order to sculpt their bodies into the shape the film required. I don't know if eight weeks is enough time to cry.

I was gonna say, they're starting from a seven and have to get to a ten. It's gonna take me a solid six months to a year.

They have to get to like a fourteen. They're not getting to a ten. So the first of I saw this movie, I was convinced that it was all like CGI asked yes. I was like, there's no way these actors maintained because these physiques are impossible to maintain. Like, no one ate on that set, No one had lunch. Everyone between takes had to have just been like working out constantly to maintain that look.

And not drinking any water. Probably, yeah, not drinking any water.

Even that's true. I felt a little bad for the actors this time around. I was I came here to objectify them, and I feel a little bad because the amount of work they had to put in to make these bodies bodies.

Like it's insane, Like Gerard Butler has said, is the hardest thing I've ever done, and he has like ongoing physical not terrible physical problems, but like aches and pains from like this shoot, like this is not what human bodies were meant to look like, but they are meant to be looked at.

Oh but however, as bad as I feel about that, I am still going to spend the next two hours being disgusting.

I put this in too because I had the same experience as you, where I was like, oh, well, they just enhanced because the look of this movie, they're trying to make it look like the comic book, So there's a lot of cinematography going on, has a very like kind of washed out sounds bad, but like almost like monochromatic tone to it. So it would be so easy to enhance these guys' abs in post, so easy, and they're not. But they're all real. I'm like Jesus Christ, like the actor.

Who got away the easiest is the one who gets to play the hunchback.

Yeah, because even though he's.

Under like fifty pounds of prosthetic, he's like, well, at least I didn't have to.

Yeah, you're wrong the one who got off the easiest with Dominic West. You know, so you just draped a toga across his chest the entire goddamn movie.

Do we think Dominic West has no abs in this.

I hope not. I hope he doesn't. I really really, these guys Erica, these guys don't have load roads. They don't just have cum gutters. They have like a spooge luge down their front.

I felt so bad for Dominic Wes. He does not look good in this movie.

He doesn't, but he looks perfect for the role.

This is not his look because he's already got rested sat her face yea. And so you stick him in a movie like this and you're just like, you don't look human, and not in a good way, not in a Rodrigo Santoro sexy way, in a in a not good way.

We are gonna have a long talk about Rodrigo Santaurro in this film. Nobody worried it is Coming Erica. Many Iranians were offended by the portrayal of the ancient Persians in the movie, claiming the.

Racist oh guys, are you sure.

President Amenajad of Iran called it American psychological warfare against Iran.

I mean there's also a lot sexier, I'm sure, and homo erotic, more homo erotic than that man would have wanted it to be.

Yeah, a little bit, a little bit.

I mean, look, yeah, no, I it's it's not good.

It's good, you guys, It's not great.

It's funny because it's racist in a way where that's like it doesn't even know it's being racist, which is worse than actual racism. I think.

Well, the comic book creator and the director, Zack Snyder have responded to it, and their basic response is, none of this is meant to be taken seriously. This is not historically accurate. There's magic and whatever in this in this like Xerxes is ten feet tall for no reason, like and I kind of get that, but I'm like, but then, don't use the historical names of people or just make the.

Three hundred not all white men and the other team all people of color.

Like that's really easy.

I had to do really easy swap out some of those actors.

Put Michael B. Jordan today in the three hundred.

That helps, yes, please, please, and thank you. Yeah no, But honestly, it's like it's an easy fix. Everyone who is in like a Greek or a Spartan in this film is white, and not everyone who most the people who are fighting for Persia there's supposed to be people from all over Asia and Africa are people of color. It doesn't make any sense. You know what they have plenty of in Greece, people of color.

Yeah. And also the Greeks aren't even being played by Greeks, are being played by like irishmen, so they're like really white, super white.

Yeah. Yeah. All the Spartans are being played by people.

From the UK, people whose skin hasn't seen the sun because if they do, it lights on fire.

Like all redheads and shit. I'm like, yeah, that's what Greeks look like.

Yeah.

I want to be clear the film is racist. It's not, and it's almost worse because it's not trying to be racist and it just is doing it on accident. Yes, and that's no bueno. And like there are like the entire Persian army is not people of color, Like there are like lighter skinned people in there as well, but I did notice that for the most part, those are the folks who are covered up. Yeah, and so you almost don't see their faces. And then the people whose

Hey, should we maybe diversify.

Diversify the cast just a scoch So mahmudah majinadad and I agree on something cool cool.

I love being in this position.

Yeah, this is fun, this feels good.

I love being in this position. Is the title of your sex tape?

Right? Yeah. Three hundred has a sixty one percent critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes and an eighty nine percent audience score. Paul, what do you think?

Okay, Look, I understand critically being like there's something good in this movie, like it's it's doing a lot of stuff with like CGI and all that, So I could see giving it like a sixty percent critical rating for like a you took a big swing kind of kind of thing, leaving out the racism part of it. But it's like the technical achievement of the movie, Like, the movie is trying to literally recreate the comic book panel

Oh good. I'm glad because every time they cut to her, I was like, oh, thank god.

Yeah. Then eighty nine percent audience score also doesn't surprise me, because I'm like, this movie is for a certain subset of people, and those people are going to fucking love it, and that's fine. I don't think it's anything inherently wrong with that. There is a lot of stuff. If you like Peel, if you like under the Cover of Sparta, the heroes of this film, there's stuff that you're like, well,

That's part of it for me. Yeah, like in terms of the eroticism of the film, and I'm not I'm only literally like a third joking here the dumb, toxic masculinity in the film, like the adherence to like we will die on this hill today, tonight we dine I know, as they're like bodies are glistening and they're like running with spears. It's all part of it. For me. I find this movie very entertaining.

It makes me laugh because it reminds me whenever I read like a book about a gay couple written by a woman, like a romantic comedy about a gay couple that inevitably, inevitably one of them is like a construction worker and then like inevitably they're like, oh man, just want to go, like go have pizza and beer, and then they fuck And I'm like, no one fucks after pizza and beer. That's not how it works. It's the toxically masculine stuff. I get it. I'm not judging, to

Fun, like you are right by the way. The movie is not good and also and also the messaging is not great, and I know this movie is not for me. It's not for a forty year old woman who understands how stupid and funny. This all is. It's four teenage boys who will not understand the nuance of what they're watching and understand that like, Okay, yeah, sure, there's a certain historical context for all of this, like.

Militaristic, macho shit.

Lifestyle like that these that these people lived lived under like but and I think that's that's part of the problem, is that, like who who was the audience for this film and what message are they taking away from it? And none of the messaging is good. Now, if you are a forty year old woman, though, you just want to You just want to watch some hot dudes battle it out. This movie is awesome.

So, Erica, when did you first see three hundred?

Saw it in the theater? Paul, Okay, here's a great story. I mean, no shit, the horniest movie I've ever seen.

And we saw Shame also starring Michael Fosspensers saw shait.

Yeah that's actually not that horny, because yeah, depressing as fuck.

Erica, as someone as a teen, as someone who wants a teen boy, I can tell you that's why you always buy the popcorn.

You always buy the popcorn because you have a chance to diddle yourself a little bit.

Well, I was saying, thinking of like a pillow, like a cover if.

You needed it.

Sure, But honestly, I was like, I was like, oh, you poke.

Three es, the butter is lube, and you get yourself off real quick to go there you go.

I never thought of myself as the kind of person who was attracted to this until I saw this movie and I was like, oh, I get it, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm into this.

Sure so attractive.

How about you, Paul, when did you first see The Three hundred.

I have never seen this movie. When it came out, I strongly considered seeing it because like, it's so homo erotic, And even back then, I was like, is it though it's not.

It's just erotic. It's not homoooic.

As much fun as I have watching like these guys who have sculpted their bodies into these godlike figures, which I can absolutely appreciate, I do not find this movie particularly erotic, Like it doesn't like tickle my pickle at all. Like I was actually shocked at my reaction to this movie, which is I found a little boring.

I will agree with you on that. So this is the second time I've seen it. I saw it one time in the theater a million years ago, when I had mixed feelings about watching it with all the male members of my family. Sure, And then the second time was yesterday when I saw it again with my dad and I'm like, why do I keep watching this with my dad? I found myself like looking up stuff during the movie, like now that it's a second screen experience, I was like, is that a real thing? Oh, it

Yeah, I look, this is not a movie for Paul's quite clearly. I didn't hate it. It wasn't like, oh my god, this is terrible. I hate that I'm watching this, But I was bored. I was bored. I got tired of watching the battle scenes. I got tired of hearing

Yeah.

When I had to watch it again to do the recap, I was like ugh, And I was like you, I was like, usually I'm like pausing and getting everything, and I was like double screening, and it's like typing, typing, typing, typing. I don't think the writing's bad. I think like it's not deep, but it's good writing. It's very declamatory and inspiring. Erica. The tag line for three hundred is prepare for glory.

Ha ha.

I'm trying to do it my best. Yard Butler, who's trying to not have a Scottish accent but isn't quite getting there.

Leonidas, the king of Sparta, who sounds like he's just inhaled a hagis the entire film. This sounds like he's one of the proclaimers. I would walk five hundred miles.

For Sparta, who sounds like he has a money bin somewhere in Sparta.

Yeah, so Scottish. He cannot hide the accent.

It's hilarious.

It cannot. I kind of like this taglineer I.

Think it's fine. Yeah, that's what it is.

The movie is ambitious in a certain way and not ambitious in another way. I do appreciate that it stays in its lane. It knows exactly what it is.

Do you want to read the iTunes synopsis?

Sure? The epic graphic novel by Frank Miller, assaults the screen as sure as fuck does.

Sure that is the correct verb.

That is the absolute correct verb. Yeah, with the blood, thunder and awe of its ferocious visual style, faithfully recreated in an intense blend of live action and CGI animation, retelling the ancient battle of Oh dear Greek words are coming, Here we go, Here we go, retelling the ancient Battle of Thermopylay, Did I get it?

I think. I don't know if it's Thermopylae or Thermopyli, but I think it's I.

Think Thermopyli, Thermopoli one of those. If you're a Greek listener, I apologize.

I do like that the movie was smart enough to be like, it means hot Gates. We're just going to call it hot Gates the entire time.

When you change the name to hot Gates, myself so dumb.

It's so dumb and so sexual.

It depicts the Titanic clash, in which King Leonidas, Gerard Butler, and three hundred Spartans fought to the death against Xerxes. Rodrigo Santoro and his massive Persian army experienced history at sword point and movie making with a cutting edge. You know what. This person wanted to sell this movie, and goddamn it, they're selling it.

They did. But I'm gonna tell you there is only one movie that has a cutting edge, and that's the cutting edge. That's the cutting edge, that is the cutting They claim that that is theirs.

At one point, though, Rodrigo Santoro does tell Robert Butler to put his ass in the air.

I did see that he did that. That was great, that was and he did it was fun.

Paul, what's the actual synopsis for three hundred?

How about three hundred Roadhouse in Ancient Greece and the Uncanny Valley. There are moments where the CGI it happens right away that there's like a CGI baby and like the Uncanny Valley on that baby.

Is Yeah, it's very two thousand and seven. Yeah, get super through that. Like two thousand and seven doesn't seem like that long ago, but technologically it is. It is another era in the past.

All right, everyone stick around, we're gonna come right back. We're gonna take you through three hundred. After a couple of messages. You don't like messages, you can go to our Patreon Patreon dot com slash that age Weel podcast. Sign up for any paid tier and you get ad free episodes and more and more. AD free episodes are just the baseline. You don't want to do that, stick around. We will be right back.

And we're back.

We're back today.

We podcast in hell all right.

Three hundred opens with a voiceover from Dilios, played by David Wenham. He is a Spartan soldier and he explains the Spartan way of life and narrates the tale of King Leonidas the First And as he speaks, we see these scenes play out, starting with the birth of Leonidas. Dilios tells us how every child born in Sparta was inspected and judged on their physical worthiness. Those judged inadequate were thrown off a cliff. So damn, damn, this is harsh.

Also, I feel like girl baby has got a pass in that case, right, Yeah? Rarely am I like? Boy? Am I glad I'm a girl in this world?

By the way, I went down a little bit a Wikipedia hole. Apparently women in Sparta were treated very very well, very well.

Yeah, they weren't citizens, but they were close. Yeah, which is better than the Athenians. I'll put it that way. Oh did I Paul? I stopped watching this movie at like eleven thirty. It finished for me at eleven thirty, and then I like looked up one or two things on Wikipedia, and then I looked up and suddenly it was one thirty in the morning, and I was like, ah, I fell down such a Wikipedia rabbit hole with this movie, and so like, there the ancient world is fucking interesting.

I'm sorry, I got distracted. I'm trying to think the last time I stopped watching something at eleven thirty at night or went to bed that that was New Year's Eve, and I was not happy about it. I'm gonna put that out there right now. I was not pleased.

Those people are listening, they hear you, They.

Know who they are, and they know what they did. Okay. So as soon as Leonidas could stand, he was quote unquote baptized in the fires of combat, and to I would walk fight. He was taught never to retreat, never to surrender, and that death on the battlefield in the service of Sparta was the greatest glory he could achieve in his life. Then at seven, he's put into warrior training with all the other Spartan boys and taught to fight, steal, kill,

You know what, though, if you read the Wikipedia entry about this particular training they all went through, the boys went through, it was a total bank.

Yeah, there are some different differing ideas, but some people think it was a total bank fast.

Oh could it not be? What else are you gonna do teenage boys in the woods? Yeah, and force them to live on their wits. They're gonna all fuck each.

Other a boys boarding school. Give me a break, Give me a break. So once it's a teenager, Leonidas and I presume all the other boys of his age are tossed into the wild to survive and return or perish and be forgotten. And we see him start getting stalked by this really gnarly looking quote unquote wolf, which it is a monster. It has glowing red eyes. It's not a wolf. He manages to kill the wolf and he returns to his people.

I will say, like, and again, I don't know how sophisticated the audience for the film is once you put things in context of like this happened thousands of years ago in a land far, far away that has nothing to do with who we are anymore. This is a military society. We cannot tell you enough. This is the most militaristic society that maybe ever existed on the planet.

Yeah, it's thirty years.

Oh, since the birth of Leonidas.

Since Leonidas came back from the woods.

Got it, got it? Got it? I got my timeline. Messed up there for a second. Never mind, it's been thirty so that baby is now a.

Man, is now a man?

M It's now Scottish Gerard Butler. It's thirty years later. Another beast is approaching Greece. Only this beast is not a wolf. This beast is made of men and horses, swords and spears, an army of slaves, vast beyond imagining, ready to snuff out the world's one hope for reason and justice. Okay, we ever pivoted, We look ancient, greased, did a lot. Didn take that away from them. They did a lot for us. But calm the fuck down.

Everyone, take a breath.

We take a breath. Delios I think the Persians had some civilization as well. Yeah, King Leonidas himself was the one who provoked this army. Paul, how how did he provoke this army? Explain it to me? Please?

He also didn't, to be fair, this army was coming without provocation. This was an invading force.

That's all people did back then. They didn't have television, so they were just like, do you want to invade our neighbors?

Okay, they didn't have podcasts. It is our responsibility to stop the Jingo was the expansion of empires.

You're absolutely welcome. If America does not invade Greenland. It is us who did that.

We did it.

We did it. You're welcome Greenland.

Specifically us too, just the two of us, not any other millions of podcasters out there. So we cut to Sparta and to groan Leonidas, played by Gerard Butler doing his level best to look sexy through a Caesar cut and a rattail.

Goddamn it, Paul, Though it's working, he does.

A pretty good job. He does better than I could. I'll say that he's rough housing with his young son as his wife Gorgo played by Lena Heity looks on. They receive word that a Persian messenger played by Peter Mensa has arrived. So we have the immediate introduction of a black man playing a Persian messenger into it the all white Sparta. Right, yep, the messenger is already being

Well, the problem too is he has resting goat face. Yes, he's an extremely handsome man, but the under the wrong circumstances, Dominic West does look like a goat, like a half man, half boat. I'm not kidding, resting state her face.

It's the curls too. He has the curls. And he has a kind of this is not a judgment, like a little like an evil grin to him, and like he looks like the pick up artist, or like or like he looks like he smells like axe body spray, even though that hasn't been invented yet.

He invented it. Theron invented axe body spray cannon. I find Dominique West very attractive in most hundred per because of that devil may care smile and that like kind of evil glint in his eye. There's something sexy about him. Not in this I'm like, I genuinely felt bad for him. I'm like, he must have seen the way he looks in this movie and been like, WHOA, my.

Career is over. My career is fucking over.

I certainly hope they make a TV show about King Charles some days that I can play him and revive my career. What's funny is after this, Dominic West almost immediately went into like playing American cops in everything. And I've seen him play an American cop like seventeen times.

All right. So Thearyn is with the messenger, and Theren is a politician for whom both King Leonidas and Queen Gorgo seemed to have a distaste. The messenger gives them his message. He says earth and water, and Gorgo responds, and the messenger wonders why this woman thinks she should speak amongst men, and she says, because only Spartan women give birth to real men.

I do love Lenahiti. I will follow. I will follow her to the ends of the earth. So I was so into this. The messenger explains that the god Circes, who is approaching with a massive army, requires only an offering of earth and water as a sign of Sparta's submission. Who's wrong word? Wrong word, man, Leonidas Box. After all, the quote unquote boy lovers of Athens have already turned down Xerxes, and he has a reputation to protect.

This movie has an interesting and interesting relationship with homosexuality. I can't quite get.

My fie, that was a thing happening.

It was a thing. Yeah, it was a thing. I can't tell. I can't tell. I can't tell.

There's a part later where Michael Fossfender and another dude, I.

Know exactly what you're about to bring up.

I like flirting with each other.

Correct.

I'm like, I think this is real. I think this is a real thing.

I agree.

I'm confused, and I think that's just those two actors deciding to make it real. Like that's not on the page. Yeah, and those two actors are like, how about if instead of like goading each other with like you're gay, No, you're gay, we're into it. And they're like, yeah, let's do that. That sounds more interesting.

Could be our last light night on Earth? Am I not going to get a blowjob? If I can?

I need? Come on, I'm the flossbender. Yeah, and the other guy was hot too, anyway, moving on, moving on, So once again, Athens has already turned down Zerxis. They're willing to fight to the death. Sparta is certainly going to do the same. The messenger feels his meeting is going south, and he warns Leonidas to choose his next words carefully. Don't fuck with me. I am the messenger of the god King. Leonidas draws his sword on the messenger, and the messenger is.

Like, whoa messenger. You're not allowed to kill me. That's like the rules of the of the world right now. You never kill messengers, that's the whole thing. Don't kill the messenger.

Who saying about it?

The messengers like this is madness, and Leonidas roar, is this is Sparta. This is the commercial of the film. You have seen this scene even if you've never seen this movie. Leonidas then kicks the messenger in the Solder Plexus and hell into like a seemingly bottomless pit that is just conveniently located outside the city. Yep.

Look, if you have a city and you don't have a bottomless pit right outside of it to throw insolent messengers into when they when they when they annoy you, are you even a city?

Are you even? Yeah? Are you even a civilization?

Yeah? That's what Staten Island is for New York.

Aha, we just kick coming the solar Plexus over there, like, go enjoy the fucking island.

Leonidas heads to consult with the Ephors, who what's the Delo tells us in voiceover are quote unquote priests to the old gods in bread swine, more creature than man. You can tell that we're not supposed to like these people because they are. Their faces are all covered with like oozing pustules and like boils, and they have bad teeth.

Yeah.

The movie posits that they make their lepers into this, into their their ephors. I looked it up. Ephors are a real fig They were not lepers, and in fact, they were pretty pretty well liked Anyway, moving on.

Still, the laws of Sparta demand that Leonidas must go seek they're blessing before riding to war. The Ephors are not impressed with his plan to use the Spartans fighting prowess and the terrain of Greece to take on an army of millions. And besides, also they say, there's a festival of Carnea that is approaching and it must be honored. You must honor the gods and celebrate Karnea A. Spartans do not wage war during the festival of Karnea.

It's like spring break. It's like, hey, how dare you give me a reading assignment over spring break? This is spring break, this is sacred.

It's like Christmas Day on the World War two front. Yeah, it's true.

We're gonna play soccer in this field at France and shut up. It's happy, Noel everyone. Leonidas insists that he will be able to break the Persian assault by stopping them at a mountain pass called the Hot Gates. Boy, I wish they've renamed it. Look, none of this is historically accurate. Anyway, Rename the fucking pass for your movie, so it's not called the.

Hot Gates because that is apparently what Thermopyli or Thermopylae translates to that is the trans understood.

Yeah but still yeah, but dumb, dumb, or just have Gerard Butler say Thermopylae the entire film and the rest of us will have to deal with it. Because every time he snarled the words the hot gaze, I had water come through my nose from snorting so hard. The ephers say they will consult the oracle. I actually thought this part was kind of cool. There's like, there's a

We should write the movie of them being con artists.

I absolutely love the idea of the oracles. And so they show this young woman in like in this in this world, she's not she's drugged out of her mind, right. They gave her like the ancient version of peyote, and we're like, tell us your visions, young lady. And there's a really beautiful dance scene with this character. It's clearly they just hired a fantastic dancer.

To play this role. And they also they filmed her underwater. Apparently that's how they did that.

Can tell her face, you can see the water pressure on her face. Yeah, this is maybe one of my favorite moments of the entire movie right now.

It's visually stunning.

It's so visually stunning. So what's the Delio tells us that even though the Ephors are diseased old mystics, Leonidas must respect them, for no one in Sparta, not even the king, is above the law. Remember that this is important. No one is above the law. And they told him he can't go to war. So I guess the end of movie, right, none, Thank you guys, thanks for coming. The oracle arises and parrots the position of the Ephors, telling them, telling Leonidas it is it's the carnelia or whatever.

We cut to Leonidas in Gorgo's bedchamber at night. Leonidas stands nude, staring out at his kingdom.

Not mad at it, No, not mad at it at all.

The queen sleeps in his bed, and the king is at war within himself. He sits at the bed and Gorgo wakes as he touches her back, and she says, your tongue can finish what your fingers started.

Hell.

Yeah. Then she looks at him. She sees he's pensive, right. She wonders what's bothering him, and he says he doesn't know what to do. He's a king, but the very laws that he has sworn to protect tell him to do nothing, and he fears doing nothing will set Sparta on a path to destruction. She tells him that he should not think of what a king should do, he should think of what a free man should do. And this is so hot, Erica, they cannot help fo fuck.

I counted at least four different sexual positions in this scene.

Yeah, it's excessive.

I look, I have no problems with sex scenes, but like, I got uncomfortable watching this one. I was like, can we you guys, this is going on way too long? This is a movie?

Is she coming with every thrust? Because I feel like the movie posit she comes every time he thrusts.

Lena, that's just Lena, Heidi, that's just doing her best. No. I mean again, this is the movie for teenage boys. Can we not? Can we just not calm down? Everyone?

Yeah?

The next day, Leonidas inspects the three hundred men that his captain Artemis played by Vincent Reagan, has gathered. This includes Dilios, who you've already met as the narrator, but this time he's got both eyes. Astinos played by Tom Wisdom, who is Artemis's eldest son. He's in his twenties. Stelios played by Michael Fossbender. Yay, yay, Astinos best friend and a true believer in Leonidas and Sparta. These two are lovers. You cannot tell me they are not lovers. Astinos and Stelios.

Yep. Sharron arrives and he's going to chastise Leonidas for riding to war with a Spartan army against the wishes of the Ephors, and Leonida says, the army's not riding to war, just taking a stroll with my personal bodyguard. We're going to go to the hot gates. There are brief moments of a sense of humor in this movie that I desperately wish were multiplied by twenty because because Gerard Butler, to his credit, lands every joke he has given. There is a joke coming that I laughed out loud at.

I have seen him be really funny in things.

He can do it. Uh So Gorgo gives Leonidas her necklace and she tells him to come back with his shield or on it, which is apparently how these two like. That's how they say I love you, Like, don't come back unless you're fucking dead or you've won, Like, do not fucking retreat.

Well, it's not gonna put that in my wedding vows. Never retreat, never surrender.

Leonidas heads off the three hundred, and we see a misshapen, hunchbacked figure watching them from like a like a far away cliff.

Yes, by the way, there's some erasure in this film. They had like seven hundred people from another town joined them. Fair enough, they add one of the like the two towns that joined them, but like there's another one that actually like tripled the size of their army, and he never it's the Thespians.

We know what they think about the Thespians, because.

I would have loved a movie where they where we would have seen someone go Thespians charge. What if there was an army of Thespians? What if what if there was just an army of corus is following Leonidas.

In the background, just tap dancing.

Just doing Grid and Sullivan, four.

Little maids from school? Are we three little maids? Four little maids?

Just do the tap dance sequence from Anything Goes?

Just performing the entirety of a chorus line switching off parts tits and yes.

On the march, Leonidas encounters Daxos, played by Andrew Plevian.

Please Levin Pleavin.

He's an Arcadian general. So this is the other this is this is somewhat true to fact. They were joined by others, including folks from other folks with the Peloponnesian Peninsula, the Arcadians. Daxos is there to allie with Leonidas against Xerxes, but a surprise at how few men are with the king. They're like, you only have three hundred. I got five hundred behind me. Leonidas assures him that his three hundred spartans are worth far more than the legion of men

Cool the costume they have put Daxos in it is it is a diaper right, it is it?

Well, Daxos just came from Vivian Westwood. That's his new fit. It looks incredible.

I mean he looks hot, don't get me wrong.

Arcadians are dressed like a Vivian Westwood fever dream.

That's very accurate. That is very, very accurate.

They're all wearing harnesses. They look like an Alexander McQueen collection from like two thousand and six.

So the group continues on their march. They note the misshapen figure that's following them. They know that figure is there, but they're not overly concerned about it. And they find a village raised to the ground by the Persians, and the villagers have all been murdered and their corps is speared into the trunk and the limbs of a great tree.

That's so interesting because I found it to be very gory, but like, as someone who does like violence, I was like, yeah, yeah, Like there's so many close ups of spears dripping blood in this movie. I was shocked that that's that didn't ring your bell.

No, because I don't mind is spear dripping blood. I just don't want to watch the spear like going through someone's head, which they usually did that a lot, but it's always in silhouette.

I guess. I, Hey, look, I'm not I'm not. I'm not mad at it. I think it's fun but like it, and it is. It is highly stylized, but it is I find it to be very violent.

I think the stylization is doing the heavy lifting for making it okay for me.

This tree is like the little gross but like the literal fan tree. It's just a bunch of people in tree formation. That is a really striking image.

Yeah, it looks like a comic book. It's one of the moments in the movie that's really like, I can see that panel on a comic book page. Daxos, that's the Arcadian general from the Alexander McQueen show, says that the Immortals, an infamous Persian regiment, must have done this and Leonidas says, they will put that name to the test.

Leonidas and company arrive at the Hot Gates, New York's hottest club is Hot Gates.

Hot Gates.

It's got everything. It's got. It's got men and men and harnesses, it's got men and diapers. It's got a family tree made out of an actual family. They watch and cheer as a giant storm sinks a number of Persian ships in the A, G and C. So they look, they look over the sea. They see a thousand ships approaching, and then it's as though Zeus himself intervened and Posieton himself intervened to murder of a bunch of Persians. Everyone

We cut back to Sparta the Loyalist. This is the name that the movie gave this character, the Loyalist, So in case you're wondering.

He got tired of making up Greeks.

Like we don't have a historical reference for this one. So the Loyalist m Nicolo ni Alexander like a just like.

A regular Greek name from today.

The Loyalist is played by Stephen mccattie. He calls Gorgo to the courtyard to speak with her, and he makes a comment like, it's good for us to speak in the courtyard and on your bedchamber, because we don't want any rumors to start about you, like sleeping on me or whatever. They're concerned that Theron and his allies are moving against Leonidas. So Gorgo's plot in this movie is she is constantly trying to get the Council of Sparta to send reinforcements to the three hundred.

Right.

She wants him to actually activate the real Spartan army, not just the personal bodyguard quote unquote that Leonidas took, and send them to the hot Gates to defend against Persia. The Loyalist says he will gather the council in hopes of convincing them to send more aid to the three hundred, and he says, you should speak there, and Gorgo says, and what I will, and what I'm gonna say is freedom is not free at all. It comes with the

And also, Lenahiti is so damn good I believe she can give a rousing speech like that will kickstart an army. Stelios and Daxos lead a small party to scout ahead and see the vast Persian army that has set up camp on the shore, so much like Leonidas figured, the number that were that perished last night in the sea were just a small fraction of the army.

Right.

Daxos is shocked that the Persians still have so many troops left, and Stelios is hopeful that one of them might be up to the task of giving him a beautiful death. And Daxos is like, what's that, laughs and says, that is my dream is to die in battle. That's how I get off that.

That is what they are brainwashed with from the very beg from their earliest age in Sparta. The greatest glory you can have in this life is to die in the battlefield in service of Sparta, exactly.

Right, And Daxos is like, oh, okay, Well, in Arcadio, we have books, so we have a different mindset. We have lives. Wait, what do you do in your spare time? Do you not have spare time?

Do you not have a Netflix subscription? Stelios?

This is your favorite thing is dining this?

Yeah?

Okay, man? Have you tried hand jobs?

Hand jobs are a hot gate to a great many other things that are so fun.

That's a way better use of your time than dying.

Have you considered going to your friend Astonos and seeing if he wants to don't know, suck your dick on, spitballing?

Yeah, or just you know. Have you tried swimming in the ocean. That's pretty nice, that's nice, nice time time do that instead of dying, instead of dreaming of your tests.

And all of you are like not hung up on clothing anyway, so like you can go like skinny dipping in the ocean, which feels great, let's be.

Honest, so good, And a thousand years from now people will pay top dollars.

And they won't be allowed to take their clothes off.

Can I say out loud? I said out loud while watching this movie, I go, I'll give you a beautiful death. Yeah, I'll give you a thousand beautiful deaths.

We cut to a Persian emissary coming across Stelios Daxos Ostinos and a small group of men who have reconstructed this wall. I'm going to murder this word, the Phocian wall, which used to stand. They need to reconstruct it in order to force the Persian army through. Say it with the erica the hot gates. So they have reconstructed the wall and they've used Persian corpses as mortar. This doesn't

But I think it's psychological warfare, right, Yes, it's it's Dracula putting a bunch of people on spikes so that the Ottomans are like, what the fuck.

The emissary is furious, and he reaches back with his whip and he's going to crack the whip at the spartans. Stelios Michael Fossbender leaps through the air, wearing just his loincloth, his muscles rippling slowly, and he severs the emissary's arm. It falls to the ground and the emissary shouts, my arm and Stelio says it's not yours anymore.

Ah, are you not entertained? Fault?

I'm pretty entertained by this part because it's not boring yet. We haven't gotten to the boring bart yet.

Uh.

Stelios tells the Persians to go back and tell your host about what you have encountered here, and Emissary swears that all the men here will die and all of your people will be enslaved. He says the Persian arrows will blot out the sun, and Stelio smiles and says, then we will fight in the shade. Excellent, excellent, excellent. Who knew Stelios is like the Oscar wild of this contingent?

Ha. Honestly, they had no idea what they had on their hands when they had When we cast Michael Fassbender in this role, they were like, he's cute and he has a nice smile. I believe him as like a devil may care soldier. And then you're like, oh shit, we got Michael Vossbender. We cut to Leonidis and Artemis. Artemis, remember, is the like captain of the guard, confident that the wall is solid. The wall of putrid rotting corpses.

Is solid to be fair. I would rather just go through a hot gate than through a wall of putrid, rotting corpses. But I don't think the enslaved Persian army had much choice about stuff like that.

So New York's hottest nightclub is Persian.

It's got rotted corpses, it's got putrid corpses, it's got it's.

Got the severed arm of a slave master.

It's got bloated corpses.

It's got Michael Fossbender.

And enough pigeons to eat all of the corpses, not vultures.

To take out all their eyes. Okay, so Leonidas is like, great, the wall is solid. The Persians will now go for the hot gates, saying all of this out loud. This movie is funnier than I thought. Artimist assures Leonidis there is no route through the hills that the Persians can take, that that they can use to outflank them. But the misshapen man that has been following them around since Sparta scuffles forward and says, indeed, there is such a route.

His name is Pilates Judas Iscariot.

He's a real person that existed, and so they had to use his real goddamn name. But his real goddamn name is really hard to say.

Filtes FTEs, that's it.

He is e Filts. I'm just gonna call him Spartan Gollum. That's his name. He is the He's Gollum of Sparta. No notes, no questions.

This this episode is in the running for the most nicknames for characters that we have ever used on this podcast. What's the Delio Spartan Gollum, Alexander McQueen model.

These these fucking names are so hard. So Gollum is played by Andrew Tiernan. He wears a Spartan cloak and carries his Spartan shield and spear, and he says that his parents fled Sparta when he was born to save him from the infanticide because he is Misshaven right, He's a hunchback.

To be clear, like this this character, it's a it's a comic book representation, so he is deformed in it in a in almost like fantastical sense, like he is this enormous hunchback. His fingers are extra long. He his one eye is bigger than the other, like he he looks like a like a fantastical creature.

Basically genuinely looks like Gollum.

Ye, Spartan Gollum. Spartan Gollum is very accurate.

He says, his dream has to be a Spartan warrior and restore his father's name right like, because the shame of being born misshapen. Yeah again, just move to Arkadia, man Like. They may not be much nicer to you, but they won't try to kill you. They'll just you know, they'll make you into like a baker or whatever. It's fine, Leonidas hears him out, and to his credit, he's very kind and empathetic to this person. He's not like gross.

It's a pretty good offer and also like pretty enlightened for a Spartan king that was raised in this society to be like, you avoided death as a child and you've come like it really makes me like Leonidas. It's the only like depth of character the movie ever affords a single person with this moment with Leonidas where you're like, oh, you actually are a thinking human being.

I disagree. I think there's a few of these in the movie, like and some of it too is just these actors are incredibly good, but like, yeah, Leonidas is thoughtful, Like he thinks ahead, he thought to have men who already have sons. I think Gorgo is also quite thoughtful and like very smart. It's not all just like chest thumping and fighting. It's a lot of that, yeah, but it's not all that. It's most but there are these moments of like real characterization. So unfortunately, Spartan Gollum does

Yep, not Eric, if you'll believe. It's about halfway through this movie. So why don't we take a quick commercial break here. We'll come right back and we'll get to all the fighting.

Yay, and we're back.

This is that ish? Well, maybe we should change our opening greeting to that try to pull in more heterosexual male listeners. Yes, please, by the way, to our current heterosexual male listeners, we see you, we love you.

Thanks for listening.

Listening.

So, Leonidas tells Artemis to dispect men to watch the path that Spartan Gollum told them about.

Yep.

The Spartans then form their their phalanx. I hope I'm pronouncing that word correctly.

I think you're right.

Hold on, I'm just going to read this the sentence exactly as Paul wrote it. Ready. The Spartans then form their phalanx at the mouth of the hot gates as the as the first wave of Persian soldiers approach. What the fuck is this movie?

We are now entering the part where Paul starts to lose interest and he starts to allide like five minute sequences into a sentence.

They form a failanx at the mouth of the hot gates. That yeah, that is illegal in a lot of states.

It is called a dental damn.

Hundreds of Persians charge at the phalanx. But for those of you who don't know what the hell of phalanx is. Long story short, all the Spartans gather underneath their shields to form They look like an enormous turtle. Yep, like a giant human turtle.

Urdle the turtle urdle the turtle.

Kind of like slowly moving forward. It's honestly, the Romans later did this as well, so you've definitely seen this in any movie that had like an ancient fighting scene. The Persians charge, but break against the strength of the Spartan defenses, Like the Spartans are just so good at pushing back and pushing back and pushing back, and they eventually are pushed back so far that the Spartans literally pushed them all off a cliff.

The Spartans rejoice briefly, but then they see the promised hail of arrows blot out the sun. They all duck behind their shields and laugh at the Persian coward shooting at them from a distance. Another wave of Persians approaches and Leonida says today no Spartan dies, and the Spartans continue to slaughter the invading force. This is now ten minutes of movie. That's all of this goes on for so long, so long.

In case you're wondering, what do the Persians look like, they have a few types of fighters. It's not just one type of fighter, because remember the Persian Empire spanned it most of Asia at this point in parts of Africa. So you had you know, you had the Lawrence of Arabias. Yep, you had the belly dancers.

You sure do you have the Chinese mystics, Yeah, the mystics.

You have the Chinese mystics. Eventually you're gonna have the drama masks. You haven't shown up yet.

These are like gangs from the warriors.

Yeah, the Lawrence of Arabia's made me laugh every time they showed up. Meanwhile, back in Sparta, Gorgo receives word from the loyalists the person they didn't bother the name as he's managed to get to just name him some like random Greek name with I'm going to give him a name right here, you go. Argos, the loyalist Theos the loyalist. The loyalist has managed to get Gorgo, the Queen of Sparta, a chance to address the council in two days now.

Can I ask a question in your research, were you able to figure out what the government of Sparta like? Were the king and queen kind of ceremonial?

Actually, you know, this is interesting. Spartan's had two kings at a time. They all came from like the same family lines, and there was one that was a more senior and the one that was more junior, and so for for a lot of their history. I think by the time of Leonidis it was now down to a

They brought food.

None of these men have pockets. I know that because I can see everything. Who brought food? Is it the Arcadians? Is there one Arcadian in the back who brought like a covered wagon full of food.

There's one Arcadians who's in charge of mess.

Like the Spartans didn't think of that. They're like, oh, we only have soldiers. Do you have food? Can we have some food? He's eating an apple. He's looking over the battlefield. There's there's half dead Persian soldiers everywhere, and his men go around finishing off all of the living enemies. There's a moment in this scene where one of the extras doesn't realize I think he's on camera. He's like supposed to be a half dead Persian soldier and he's

I missed it.

Stelios hot. Stelios runs up to report that a Persian contingent is approaching, but it's too small to be an attack. It must be another messenger of sorts. Leonidas heads out to meet them. Artemis protests, but Leonida says, it would be lucky if you were assassinated. If they kill me in this manner, in a cowardly manner, that will force the Spartan army to come out and finish this fight. So like we'll be lucky. Like best case scenario, I'm

So Leonidas goes to meet with the contingent. Okay, a band of slaves I presume carries an enormous platform on

He's also kind of dusted with gold.

Yes, he looks like he's been dipped in gold. He looks, he looks like, he looks like the head waiter at Carson Kresley's pool party for Fourth of July.

He looks like boy George after a weekend in Mikonos.

He looks like Elton John's sleep paralysis demon.

He looks like a gold dildo that came to life and became a.

Real boy Pokenocchio. Nice, thank you, thank you all right. So he is also for some reason, a giant. He towers over Leonidas. He's literally like nine feet tall or doing like the thing they did in the Lord of the Rings movies with with the aspect ratio or whatever it's called perspective. Yeah shift. Xerxes, who is fully convinced of his own divinity, to be clear, tries to cajole Coerce and ultimately intimidate Leonidas into bowing down to him.

It's also it's a very American accent. He's you hear a little bit of resilient in there as well. I'm like, I'm curious what his speaking says because he barely speaks in love. Actually, it's which is the only other movie I've ever seen this guy in.

Yeah, by the way, if you don't know who Rodrigo Santoro is, he's the guy that Laura Lenny doesn't fucking love. Actually, that's the guy we're talking about.

Ah, he's so hot in this though. I love him.

This Uh, Leonidas responds to the god king that the world will know that free men stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many, and before this battle was over that even a god king can bleed, and also, why do you look like Liberachi's pool boy?

Ha. They do sort of hit on something interesting in the movie that like, the Persian army is mostly manned by slaves and other by other cultures that they have dominated, whereas that Spartans, for better or worse right are born into Spartan society and get to do get to do the one thing Spartans do. So it's a free how

Exchanges basically, oh were you too tired to watch my back And the other guy's like, no, I was all fighting. And the first one is like you were more likely getting fucked by a bunch of actors. The other guy's like jealous much.

No. The line is because I wrote it down offering your backside to Thespians. But I don't think it's actors. I think it's the town. Yeah regard so I but again, would an audience in two thousand and seven know that that's a town and not actors?

I don't think so.

Yeah, you're right. I think you were right that you're doing like a joke there. Yeah, somebody's got to watch your back. Not now, I'm busy.

I mean, kiss, kick kids, Kiss.

We have more battles. Black blank, big blam boom. Battles are happening. The immortals show up. They're the ones that look like they're wearing drama masks.

Yeah.

They the immortals are xerxes personal guard, and they are supposed to be like the most fearsome warriors in all the land. At one point, someone's mask is knocked off and there were revealed to be actual demons behind the masks. So these are like not even humans. These are like, these are demonoid humanoid things.

Now is that a problem when we're talking about historically people who are humans.

No, No, this is historically accurate.

Okay, I found the Wikipedia.

I'm pretty sure it's accurate. No. Yeah, obviously this is not a good look for the film either. Their Onslaught includes a giant, a literal giant, who nearly gets the better of Leonidas in single combat. He gives him that sexy scar that Gerard Butler has the rest of his face. The rest of the movie on his face. The Spartans call for their allies, the Arcadians. Remember the Arcadians, the Alexander mcqueens.

Yep, the Arcadians joined.

The fight and they managed to beat back the immortal assault. Right of the immortals. What's the Delio tells us in voiceover that a man who fancies himself a god feels a very human chill crawl up his spine when he sees like how quickly his forces are being eliminated.

Yeah, the Spartans celebrate that night, and what's the de Leo tells us that even Leonidas allowed himself to feel hope that maybe they could win. Dawn breaks and Erica. Would you believe there's more fighting?

What I thought this was over?

No, Astinos, that's that's Magneto's boyfriend. Astinos manages to throw a spear through a war rhinos eye from one hundred yards away. Yes, I said war rhino. No, I am not pausing to further explain that that is what it is. It's a war rhino.

It was pretty fun. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie. When they brought in animals, I was like, yeah, Also, these are so clearly fake animal. Yet I was never in any moment being like, oh that poor rhino.

They're all cgi.

You're all massively cgi'ed.

Yeah. The Persians turned to quote unquote magic, which seems to be more just like gunpowder. It's like grenades. That's not breaking the Spartans. The Spartans drive the Persian war elephants off of a cliff. Again, war elephants. I'm not I'm not dwelling on it safe. In his camp, Xerxes looking like looking like looking like Sonny von Buloh's interior designer.

Ha ha, looking like the job of the Hut's Palace DJ.

Xerxes rages and executes his generals who have failed him. The executioner in the Persian camp is another giant who appears to, rather than have arms, have enormous like crab like mandibles that he uses to behead the generals at xerxes command.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

The movie.

The movie gets weird, gets fucking weird.

Still, the Spartans take some losses as well as Astinos takes a little too much time posing and gets beheaded by a Persian riding by on horseback. No, no, his father Artemis goes into a berserker rage, and what's the Delio tells us that his cries of rage are more frightening to the enemy than any battle drums, as he's cutting through enemies, slaughtering persons left and right. I mean, isn't this, like, though, like the greatest thing that could have happened to his son?

Yeah? I know, right, Like he's so lucky he got to die in battle.

He got a spectacular death, right, spectacular death.

Honestly, Like, don't put your son in the battle, if you know, if you can't afford to lose him, right, just saying, yeah, should we talk about Artemis's haircut for a minute.

You mean you mean the cut It kind of looks like it's a little bit Ali Sheety in the Breakfast Club, Right, it's a.

It's a Christian whig character, Yes, I get you right, he is full Christian wig character in this haircut. And it is such an attractive man. I feel like they've done him dirty.

Yeah, he's older.

He's like probably the oldest of the Spartans, which again like at the actor, I mean, which again like still has that fucking body, well done useder.

He's probably like our age now and I am not going through an eight week training regimen. I would break. I would break like a china egg.

Like, yes, Gerard Butler's probably like actually thirty thirty five maybe when he made this movie. I don't know. This guy is, yeah, he's easily forty five fifty and he looks so buff, but they have saddled him with the dumbest like teenage girl haircott.

You know what it is. It's it's it's Peppermint Patty.

Artemis is Peppermint Patty.

Okay, so Peppermint Patty is Magneto's boyfriend's father.

Yes, are you with us? Moving on, we cut to the Persian camp full of women performing for the pleasure of men. It is an orgy. Whoa, we're in the ancient world. We're gonna have some orgies. Woooo and who should be there amongst the Orgians but Spartan Gollum, and he is speaking with Xerxes, and Xerxes basically is like, how would you like to participate in the orgy? And Spartan Gollum is like, I will tell you literally anything you want. I will sell out my homeland so fast. Yeah,

It's really more of a hunch dance than a lap dance.

It's not actually touching him. They're just like they're just like grinding the air around him. And he's like, sold, sold, sold, I will sell out my entire country.

For this, to be fair, the only reason he's alive is because he fled his country. I don't know how much loyalty he owes to Sparta, he owes.

The Spartans loyalty. Now, you're absolutely right. Also, you know what, things go south enough here? You offer me one orgy, I might, I might bounce, I might be like, you know what guys moving. Yeah, Xerxes is like, if you show me the path to defeat the Spartan defenses, I will give everything. I will give you everything you've ever wanted, wealth, women, And then Galam is like I want that and a uniform. I want to be part of the army, even in

Yeah, do we have a small do you have a small uniform.

Do we have any dumb hats available for this man to put on his head so he feels like a man.

Don't okay, kill that enslaved man and take his give it to him.

Honestly, the women in the orgy were like, phew, all he wanted was a hat. I'm good, I'll take it. I do not want to grind against this thing anymore. The final test, Xerxe says, all you need to do is kneel before me to prove your loyalty, and you're one of us, and of course Spartan Gollum does.

We cut back to Sparta and Gorgo meets with Theron. She has called him to the courtyard and she asks him for his support in sending aid to Leonidas. I think maybe in a slightly more sophisticated movie, we could have done something more with Gorgo to allow her to have an actual plan to try to get his support, because she kind of calls me. She's like, will you help me? And I'm like, that's not how shit works. You know that, girl, You're not stupid.

The genius of this whole he, like Leonidis, looks to her for ideas, and I'm like, you're the idea guy. Come on, you forgot to bring ideas.

You just are asking. So Barron admits that he could help her, but he's not sure why he would, and he's like, I'm a realist, and Gorgo says, you're an opportunist. He says, I don't think you or any woman could sway the council. If you go before the Council without

I am not your king.

Yeah, I hate this scene. The scene is rough. Before we get to the roughness, can I just make one stupid point? Yeah, does it feel like Dominic West just got his veneers and they haven't quite settled.

In the scene, there's a lot happening with Dominic West's face.

Yeah, in this.

Movie, none of it is good and none of it I've never seen an attractive person look so unattractive, but like not trying to look on a track, like, he just looks bad.

I think he's also like he's an oily character. Like he we know from the first second he's on screen that he's a villain. Yeah, and he he's a good actor, so he's playing into it. He's being disgusting all of the time and menacing.

Yeah.

So the only female character in this movie is sexually assaulted in this quid pro quo kind of situation.

Ask you, because I have to admit at this point I knew what was coming because I've seen this movie before, and I kind of like look down and started typing notes, wouldn't have to watch. She does sort of offer to trade sex for his help. Right, it's not it's it's it's still an assault, don't get me wrong. But I'm just trying to figure out her her arc here. So she's like she kind of is like, oh, okay, if that's all it takes, and then he makes it violent.

Right, I don't think it's quite Oh, if that's what it takes, it's it's you're gonna make me do this? And then you know, like part of this whole thing is like how strong the Spartan women are. Like earlier Leonidas has it lined to Xerxes where he's like, I should have brought the women with all the people you're throwing against me. You don't have soldiers, you know, Like I think the movie intends it to be this moment of like her battlefield.

Yeah, like kind of a quid pro quo kind of yeah.

And it's like she never says no, she never says stop, she doesn't fight him at all, but she's also obviously forced into this well.

Well because he's decided to not. He's like, this isn't going to be romantic. I'm doing this. I'm doing this as a fuck you. She thinks that he is on her side after that.

Yeah, she thinks I'm gonna do this to help my husband.

Yeah, that I'm going to do this to help Sparta. The one small, small, small sliver of like okay, I'll give this scene is that like she doesn't even flinch. She's not victimized so much until he starts to make it violent. I still hate the scene. I'm not trying to justify the scene's existence. The movie does the best with what it's given, I think.

Yeah, and it gives her a perspective. She is not simply a victim. She is an active player in the scene that ends in a sexual assault. Yeah, so it's like you said, it's kind of the best of What if this is what the story is going to do, then they at least give her, the character a chance to like participate in it. Sounds like it's a weird.

Because also we're seeing it from her perspective.

Yes, yeah, Ron's perspective.

It's annoying because paul I came here to fantasize and this really puts a damper on it. This makes it not fun anymore. Agreed, But it's gonna get fun in a minute again. Don't worry you guys. Back on the battlefield, the naked writing spartans patch themselves up after a hard day. What's the Delios has lost an eye but still would do. Still looks fucking hot even with an eye patch. Daxos the Arcadian appears in reports that the that Gollum has led the Persians to the hidden path behind them. The

Yeah.

Daxos is like, okay, girl, but the rest of us are gonna are gonna retreat because I don't want to die here today. I'm a baker, not a soldier.

Remember, I really like books.

The Arcadians have something else to live for, so we're gonna live another day. So we're out. Bye, and they peace out and leave.

Leonidas rallies the Spartans, all of whom are one hundred percent on board with the whole not retreating, not surrendering thing. And then he takes what's the Delio aside? Can I say briefly, I'm concerned about what's the Delio's eye wound. I don't feel like this dressing is sanitary. I don't feel like the wound has been cleaned. I don't know what's going on there, but apparently he'll be fine. There's

In Ah And then he plays a bagpipe.

Yeah, and then he rips out a tartan starts to a.

We cut to the council meeting in Sparta. Gorgo addresses them, looking fucking fierce. Through the rest of the movie, she will be wearing this black dress that is so sunning. No notes on this, actually really no notes on anything. She wears the entire movie. She looks fierce the entire.

Movie, outside of Peppermint Patty's haircut. I think we're on no notes fashion wised throughout the whole thing.

I mean, I don't as much as I enjoy seeing the Spartans in all their glory, I don't love their diapers. I think diapers are ugly.

If diapers could be tighter, they could be more speedo less.

Diapers, not be diapers, honestly, could not be diapers. I think realistically, historically they would have worn something closer to like kilts.

No, I think Erica. Historically, they would have fought naked, and that's what we should strive for. They should have been completely new to this entire movie.

I don't wait, No, there's no way they.

Poss a kimbo or I'm not watching.

Do you know I believed you for a minute and I was actually fought naked. That's not that's not true.

Does it feel right?

Armor? By then, so we cut to the council meeting. She's addressing the Haunseil. She asks them to send the Spartan army to Leonidas for the preservation of liberty and justice, for law and order, for reason, and most importantly, for hope. She throws everything in there, She's thrown everything in the stud of see what what what lands? She's like, four flowers and four kittens?

Is any of this sitting you, guys?

Any of this landing? Farren stands up and she smiles. She thinks, Okay, this is it. He's gonna he's gonna lower the boom and I'm gonna get everything I ask for. But instead of supporting her as promised, that son of a bitch, that sneaky, slimy rapeiet son of a bitch accuses her of adultery. The men in the chamber gasp, what an unclean oore. He claims that she attempted to seduce him the prior night, that you offered your body

What happened, but but it's not not what.

Happens, not not what happened basically. He then also claims that she seduced the loyalist your same way, your ghosts, yourgos, lanthemos, the same way. So now everyone's like, hor hoor to dear queen. Does queen mean nothing to these people?

This shit? It really doesn't.

So does she have no fucking power here? He turns the counsel against her, but she will not be bowed today. She grabs one of the guard's swords and runs thereon through, killing him, and as he dies, she leans into his ear and whispers, this will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this. I am not your queen, to which point my father, my seventy eight year old father, stood up and cheered, and I was like, Okay, he's

Back on the battlefield Spartan, Gollum leads the immortals to flank the Spartans, while Xerxes approaches directly on with more soldiers. Xerxes looking like looking like the twink on the Atlantis gay cruise, about whom all other passengers are like, He's a lot, a lot.

Xerxes looking like Ibiza's worst lifeguard.

Looking like Aquaman's raver half brother.

Looking like an entire Flamenco troop, all into one, all in one person.

The Spartans, except for sit in a huddle protected by their shields, and now they're a real turtles. It's just a little igloo of shields.

Yeah.

Xerxes makes another play at getting Leonidas to kneel right. He really wants this goddess surrender. He doesn't want to have to kill him. He offers him everything he could want, if you will only submit to the god King. What's the Delio tells us in voiceover that, just as with the wolf thirty years ago, remember the gnarly wolf from the opening, it is not fear that grips Leonidas, only restlessness, a heightened sense of things. His helmet is stifling, he

Do you know until you said that, I didn't realize it was a curse.

Oh.

I was like, oh, maybe he's seeing nice to him, like I kind of see you did. But no, you're right, you're right, and I'm wrong.

He drops his spear. He goes to his knees. He bows, and on his platform Xerxes, looking like looking like looking like Van Cleef and Arpels asked Robert Maplethorpe to make them a mascot raises his arms in triumphs.

Oh my god. Leonias studies the ground and remembers Gorgo and their son. He is such a wife guy.

He is, yeah, a wife guy the whole movie.

He just keeps fantasizing about his hot wife and I am I'm you know what, I can't be mad at a wife guy. No, he grins and shouts. Stelios and Michael Fassbender emerges from the Spartan formation. He leaps off of Leonidas's back and spears. The closest Persian battle breaks out, and what's the Delio explains that Leonidas's helmet narrowed his vision and his shield threw him off balance as his target was far away, and as the melee rages, Leonidas leaps up, grabs his spear and hurls it at Zyxes,

Do we think he should have just gone for the kill shot though, like you kill ye just ends that? Then then we're pretty good here. Yeah, probably, like we prove the god kings no god and uh.

He can go back to being Cleopatra's go go dancer.

Yeah. Xerxes panics at the sight of his own blood. The Spartans fall to a barrage of arrows. Migneto gasps that it was an honor to die by Leonidas's side. Leonidas says it was an honor to have lived by his With all of his Spartan men dead around him, Leonidas staggers to his feet, arrows sticking out of his torso. He shouts, my queen, he says, my wife, He whispers my love. He stands in silhouette as a hell of arrows blacks out the sun.

Yeah it's a real it's a real sing Sebastian moment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We see what The Delio return home and return Gorgo's necklace to her, basically telling her without saying it, your husband didn't make it.

Yeah.

We see him addressing the council, telling them that Leonidas's last words were remember us. And in case anyone thinks this movie is subtle, we cut to the bloodless battlefield where Leonardo Leonidas lies pierced by arrows. Very I mean, it is Saint Sebastian, it is paintings after painting of Saint Sebastian.

All of these men felled by so many arrows, not a single one taken to the genitals, even though they.

Are wearing cloth diapers entirely. We see what's the Delio addressing the same group of Spartan warriors we saw him addressing at the beginning of the film, giving this rousing speech. Right, the battle is going to continue, and they are joined by seven thousand other Greeks. So it's the Spartans in the front and the arrest of the Greek basically the entirety of the of the Greeks behind them, ready to fight the Persians in the final battle that actually, historically the Persians will lose.

Yep.

What's really funny about this is like He's standing right in the front of like thousands of thousands of men, and he's like, he's like, we will remember everything that happened that day at the hot gates. We will do this for Leonidas, for Greece. And I can just imagine like even three guys behind him being like, what did he say?

Them go?

Do we go? He's talking. I don't, I don't. I can't hear what he's saying. What's happening?

That's the theater trainining Because I had the exact same thought, like, bitch, those people can't hear you. You'ren't even facing them, You're turning around, projecting away from them.

The guy like one foot behind him can't hear him. How's the seven thousand soldier in the back supposed to hear him?

The exact same note.

So he inspires the men onward to defeat Xerxes in the name of Leonidas and the three hundred end of film.

Yes, so stick around. We will be right back with our random observations and final rankings for three hundred. And we're back, Erica. Give give me some give me some random observations on this movie. That is, that is that has given us so much Paul, I.

Would rather die than disappoint you. Right now. I will make these the most random observations.

They will be truly random.

No randomness will be left unobserved. Does it snow in Greece? Because there's a lot of snow in this movie.

I had the exact same thought, and I was like, maybe it doesn't, like before climate change?

Maybe maybe, Yeah, this is Sparta, is Peloponnesia. I don't think it snows there. I really don't. I don't. There's a lot of weather in this movie and snow, there's lightning, there's heat, just just too much weather in Sparta.

Yeah, agreed. I have something we kind of brushed over in the movie when the oracle came up. We talked about how like it was beautiful, which it was. It was a beautiful visual thing. But there's this line that just simply doesn't need to be in there, which is about how the ephors choose the oracle I know, and they say they choose only the most beautiful Spartan girls to live among them as oracles. Their beauty is their curse, for the old wretches have the needs of men and

Also super not historically accurate, right, Like the oracles were like vessel virgins, like you don't fuck with them. Yeah, they were seen as like actual like conduits to God. Yeah, that would never have happened.

Yeah, the Spartans seem to.

Have a really good wheat crump. Did you notice that?

Okay, why do all of these movies it wasn't. Weren't wheat fields strongly featured and Gladiator as well? Was wheat that big of a deal?

I think wheat was a big deal? Paul? Okay, Also, shouldn't they be in agrarian society? Like why are they so militaristic if they have all this wheat?

Yeah, they have stuff people need, they can buy it.

Do they have farmers? Are there any farmers in Sparta? Or every is every man just forced into military service? And I guess the women have to be the farmers.

I was gonna say, it sounds like it's something that's women's work in Sparta. That's what it sounds like to me. It sounds like something else women can do while men go off and do push ups and suck each other's decks in the war camp.

It's Rosy the riveter, but with a scythe Yeah. Well, which also begs the question, what other like normal jobs are there in Sparta that are not military?

There's not librarian? Yeah, I know that.

Is there someone who's just like I fixed shoes? Like, is there a cobbler?

Is there a milliner?

Is there someone's making those adult diapers?

Yeah, someone's making those cloaks.

Is there an it guy who's fixing things for people in Sparta?

Who's fixing the line to the oracles?

Yeah? Is there an air conditioning repair guy in Sparta?

Is there a Colagan man? Hey, Coulagan man in Sparta?

Like? What is this? How do they monetize this society? I hate to bring things back to money, but like, what do we do? What goods and or services do we provide in Sparta?

Yeah?

Just asking a lot of questions.

Outside of total bank fests. While we're on the subject of what they're wearing. I have to believe so this is not the actors faults, but obviously the costume designer and the costumes, the cloaks on the costumes are very cinematic, right, and they're very long because they're constantly like blowing in

Also, the sandals have to be so slippery.

After slippery and heavy heavy.

There's a moment in that awful scene with Dominic West and Lena Heity. There's a moment where Lena Heaty slaps him in that scene when he first basically offers to trade sex for his Dominic West totally telegraphs it. I feel like in rehearsal he gave him like a heart. He's like, you could just really slap me. It's fine. I'm not how hard could it actually be forgetting that. Lena Heaty also did the Eight Weeks of Training prior to this movie because she's got Michelle Obama arms. She

Well, maybe the other option is that that's like he knows that she's physically more a depth than he is, because it seems like he's not a warrior, like they say, he's not a warrior. So I don't know how he fits into the Spartan society. Maybe he's an immigrant to Spartan society. I don't understand, but like it seems like that moment could mean like he knows that she can take him.

Sure, But honestly, Paul, it's just the actor.

I know the actor.

It's just the actor being like, let's get hit and he can't hide it.

I only have one more, because I talked about this in the opening that I forgot to bring it up during the course of the movie. The joke that made me laugh out loud. Oh it's it's the scene where Leonidas is eating the apple. They they've won the first battle. They're going around killing people that are still alive, and Artemis is like, oh, my lord, you can't oh and he's like, no, we would be lucky if they assassinated me, because then the Sparta will have to go to war.

Polios? We should rank it one to ten. Wife guys, what we love a wife guy? And Leonidas is a wife guy in this movie Wife Guy. There is a sequel to this movie in which Gorgo is the narrator. I believe, Oh isn't Lenahidi.

It's Lenahiiti. Apparently it's not very good. But there is a sequel to this movie that I didn't really look into too much.

But just watch Game of Thrones for better Lenahiti. She gets to play the villain in that, and she's really good as a villain.

How about one to ten? Putrid corpse walls my favorite kind of corpse walls. Yeah, if it's not putrid, it's not a corpse wall. Let's put it that way. Yeah, if I can't smell it, it's not a corpse wall.

That's like those old ads for corpse walls that you can see on TV. They're like, if it's not covered in flies, it's not a putrid corpse wall. Putrid makers of corpse walls since the dawn of time. How about one to ten The Hot.

Gates Hot Gates.

Hot Gates, New York's hottest nightclub is Hot Gates. It's got everything. It's got hunchbackwargies, it's got war rhinos, it's got racism.

Woo.

It really does have everything.

It's got men and adult diapers.

The thing that every club actually needs. There's men in adult diapers. One to ten things that Xerxes looks like in this movie sample. For example, Xerxes looks like he looks. He looks like he looks like Alexander the Great's favorite spank bank material.

He looks like an underwear model in the mad Max universe.

He looks like Emperor Hadrian's wet Dream.

He looks like the most popular myth dealer at Studio fifty four.

He looks he looks like someone brought in to meet Mel Gibson for Apocalypto, and mel Gibson was like, no, homo, this is too much.

He looks like the top Yogi on Lesbos. I never know what's gonna land. That's amazing.

Let's do this one. Okay, I'm just picturing a Yogi in that outfit.

Uh.

Do you want to go first? Or shall I go first?

I mean we both I think we're both going to align on this one. So what probably you go first and I'll pick up. I'll pick up where you leave off.

Sure it doesn't age? Well?

Oh disagree? Kidding?

We didn't really harp on this in the body of the episode, but again, like the Persians are othered through the use of people of color, where the Greeks are all white and the bad evil mystic other people are all black people and Asian people, and I guess South American people because Rodrigo Santaurro's Brazilian.

One super hot Brazilian, and.

The Greeks are all Caucasians. So that's not good. Like we said, the filmmakers have address this and are basically like, nothing's meant to be taken seriously, and the point is that even if you don't want it to be taken seriously, and even if you are able to separate that, sometimes the audience is not, and sometimes it's just subconscious shit that gets into people's heads. And like this movie definitely participates.

In that thousand.

There is something with the film's take on homosexuality, with the with the Xerxes character. Look, I don't even think he looks quote unquote gay, Like I don't know an a gay man that looked like that, but like he looks he looks like a gay Oscar basically like he's.

He looks like the kind of Oscar we would give Liza Minellie.

Yeah, he he there's there's a thing in his the big scene with him and Leonidas where he's kind of like he wants him to kneel. There's something there. I don't think it's a big deal.

No, I didn't think of that, because there's like a level of like sexiness to the submission of it all.

Yeah, and well he is sex though.

Like when we see him not on the battlefield, he's in a literal orgy, and like Rodrigo Santoro is playing him very sexy.

Absolutely, and and I and I again, I could even I could believe the filmmakers saying that's not what we intended. But the way you have him dressed, the way you have like the picture of a man sexy in that way that almost somewhat androgynous. Other ring maybe it's not gay, but it feels queer. Maybe that's a better word for it if we think about like the target audience of teenage boys in like two thousand and seven, like it, I don't want to come down hard. There's something there.

No, I would argue that there is an eroticism through the entire film that like justifies the eroticism of Xerxes. This is not how Spartan soldiers actually dressed. This is not how Spartan soldiers actually looked. They would not have looked this way at all. So they're doing this to like create a sense of eroticism around literally everyone. Lenahiti

Yeah, but I guess I would just say, like, the sexiness chosen for the Xerxes character feels queer to me.

Really, and not the sexiness chosen for like the Michael Fossbrender character.

No, that doesn't. That feels that feels universal.

That's for everyone.

For me, I mean, not even that it's for me. That the character is in some way queer like, like like a Disney villain kind of situation. Is what's is? I think what's thinking?

To me?

Again, I don't want to make that big a deal of it because I don't think it's that big of a deal. It's just something I kind of tripped on a little bit.

I wonder if it's because the like the Spartans, and even even the female Spartans are so masculine. Like Lena Heity was cast because she's got a square draw and like, yeah,

Well, yeah, he's the only character, real character that we.

Meet that's interesting. I didn't really think about it, but I see your point. I do. I see your point. I just find it so sexy and erotic. I don't care.

Sure, sure enough. And then as far as the women, the female representation in the movie, like, there's obviously very little to a certain extent. This is a man's this is a story about men. So like, I'm not gonna be mad they didn't put female soldiers in the three hundred, Like, obviously that is historic. Not that the rest of the movie is historically accurate. But you know, I think that Gorgo for being a kind of character that's added in post, does pretty well for herself. I think it's a pretty

Al well, I don't mean, does she even speak to anyone else? Like that's not like the three men that she speaks to.

No, I don't think so.

I think that's the two thousand and seven of it all. I think that's because we forget, like this is well out of our usual. This isn't the nineteen eighties anymore. This is like the two thousands and so like studio notes would have been like, we need to put a woman in there.

Yeah, so yeah, it does doesn't overall age. Well, I don't think it's without value, and I don't think it's without entertainment value or actual value. Like, like we talked about like Zack Snyder's idea behind this, that he wanted to recreate the comic book panel for panel, and like apparently if you watch the movie and you read the comic book, you can see him like making those panels.

There's also something to seeing it in the movie theater. It was like seeing it in the theater. It was exciting, and it was big and loud and like it's all like really in your face. I remember really enjoying it when I saw it in the theater. I went on duress to be clear. The rest of the people in my family wanted to see it, and I was like, uh fine, and then I sat there the whole time being like I kind of love this. So it's a popcorn movie in that sense, right, Like it's meant to

So yeah, I'm gonna give it a two. A two out of ten. Things that Rodrigo Santoro looked like in this movie, things like things like an international male catalog model preparing to do an artistic diving competition at the White Party in Miami like that.

Yours are so specific.

I find them more specific, I get the funnier. I find them two out of ten for me.

What do you think, Erica, Uh yeah, I think it's a two as well. Okay, here's where I'm even giving the movie points. I was super entertained too, even though I'm about to ding the movie on this hard. They bothered to put in that female character that's that like, for lack of a better term, strong female lead right m hm, which which anchors the movie in a way because she is the She is the diplomatic voice of reason in the film as well. But they gave they

I tell you really quickly. This is a sidebar. It's it's not off topic, but it's slightly off topic. One of my favorite comic books growing up was the story of a of a super heroine getting sexually assaulted and killing the guy who sexually assaulted her. It was so cool and I didn't even I was young enough when I read it, because it was it was a comic book, so it wasn't clear like in words like what happened to her? She had to talk around it. But I can tell you, like the exact story of the scene

What's the comic book it was?

It was it was Hawkeye's wife in the comic books who went who was a Mockingbird? And she gets she got basically gets date rape. She gets drugged and she comes out of it and she kills the guy I did it, and it was so cool. She knocks him off a cliff and he's like, pull me up, and she's like drop dead, and he does, and he screams her name all the way down.

It's fun when that happens in movies. It sucks to use like violence against women as a plot point. Yeah, it happens. A, it happens. It fucking happens.

What can I like?

What can I say? More than we think it does even and and B it is fun when they get their come up and yeah, when they when the when they there's a violent and and righteous retribution to react. So I will give the movie credit that it does.

It does do that.

Yeah, look, I have blood lust. What can I say? I just and it needs to be satisfied.

You're getting it out in healthy ways, watching movies and cheering for them.

It's just who I am, you guys. There's nothing I can do about it. The racism is really bad, and it's worse than I remember it. I don't even know if I clocked it the first time I saw the movie, or if I did clock it, I was like whoo and then I very swiftly forgot about everything in the movie that was not Gerard Butler's abs, and now watching

That, sure can't.

No, So yeah, two out of ten? What is it? What Xerxes looks.

Like things Xerxes look like looks like two.

Out of ten Chapel Roane Fever dreams.

That's good. That's good. Do you have it? Do you have a palate cleanser Erica Wikipedia?

Although I can't because also that that's a little bit of that's not that's not an exact an exact historical record, is it either? I don't have any film palate cleansers because.

Because you hate Gladiator.

I don't care for Gladiator. But I think Paul's correct in that, like the technical achievement of making this movie is really interesting and worth worth watching. I don't think I've ever seen another Zack Snyder film. I know he does this. A lot of his films have this look to it and have like he's continued on with his style. So maybe there are better ones, but this is the only one I've ever seen, I'm.

Afraid, so I don't. Yeah, I mean, I'm not a Zach. Zack Snyder's not making movies for me, although, but look, by by all accounts, Zack Snyder's a very nice person. Like the actors who work with him, like GM, he seems to be real quick.

Did he make that first Superman with Henry Cavill. Henry Cavill is that Oh okay, I saw that one too, and can I tell you I've even in the theater. I was so bored watching that movie. Mm hmm. It's so there's like a forty minute fight scene in the middle. It's not really, but it feels like it goes on for forty minutes and it's so boring.

I did not watch any of his comic book movies because they all looked like exactly the things I hate about comic books. But I am excited for the new Superman because it looks fun. It looks bright and colorful and fun, and I want to see it.

I saw that Zack Snyder Superman in a triple feature day because it was a it was one hundred degree day in New York City, and my roommate and I just decided to go to the movies all day. The third movie we saw a Woman in Black with like a Daniel Radcliffe movie. Oh, like Horror, which was really fucking good. That one was great, and then this movie and we were like boom, and so we had to go to a third movie to palatee cleanse.

This movie fair enough fair enough. Yeah, I was gonna say the the the HBO series Rome was really fun. Well, that was fun really like I had a good sense of humor. And it is also like obviously playing very fast and loose with history, but like it's a good time. The second season is fun, but they realized they were getting canceled, so they try to cram like four seasons worth of stuff into like the last five episodes, and it gets very overcrowded.

It's so funny because the first season is like it's like one summer in the history. It's like, okay, we got to cover Cleopatra.

Yeah, we got twenty years to get through here, people, let's pick it up.

You know what's great about Rome too is that like, even though they are playing fast and loose with some history like the when they just do decide to go deep, deep, deep into historical accuracy, it's fast, like the recreation of the Roman Forum and stuff like that, it's actually a great watch.

All right, Erica. That is the end of our show. Everyone listening can follow us on Blue Sky, they can follow us on Threads, they can follow us on Instagram. We have a tea public shop. We would love it if you would leave Spotify comments, and we would love it if you would leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts or any podcasting platform that you use. If you do that, just like Chili Pepper thirteen and r L Gavrila from the top of this episode, let us know you did it. We'll send you a that age

That aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Kiola in.

Hell in Helle.

This is Spota, this is podcast.

Like to thank all of you, our listeners.

All of you.

You have supported us. You've helped us get to three hundred episodes. Whenever I thought of quitting because Paul I couldn't handle Paul's bullshit for a second longer, someone would email us something sweet and nice and I'd be like, fine, I'll keep putting up with him.

DYZ. Thank you everyone listening. If this is the first episode you ever listened to, welcome. If it is the three hundredth episode you've listened to, We're so happy to have you. You are truly the best way for us to get the word out about our show, recommending it to your friends, telling people about it, and so many of you have done that, and so many of you have emailed us wonderful, heartfelt messages about how our show made you laugh during I'm going to get really sincere.

So uncomfortable right now?

You have emailed us very heartfelt messages about maybe us helping you get through tough times, be they personal or more grand than that, and that we made you laugh at a dark time and that really warms our hearts and warms the cockles of our souls. I said cockles, and she laughed. I did it. But really, truly, thank you so much for listening. Thank you for all the emailing that you do. Thank you for all of the commenting that you do. Thank you for telling people about

One therapist who tells their patience to listen to us.

I mean, God, bless you, God bless you Nick from Australia, because I'll.

Tell you my therapist is not listening to this.

All right, Erica, do you have any final thoughts on three hundred Paul?

This will not end quickly. It's not gonna go well.

And I am not your queen.

And bitch, I'm not your queen.

I can do the one I text you. I have another one too.

Oh good, Actually forgot the one who texted me this is great that I didn't read it.

No, you did well, you responded. Maybe it was an instant response. Just set your text to automatically respond to me with like a laughter. I'm not sure he's making some fart joke about this.

What didn't you say? Fuck no, I'm looking at it.

You text the same way when you record with me. You just don't listen.

Ancient Greece and me, I'm kidding. Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha? Okay,