Everyone has beauty within

Apologie production. Hi, my name's Beck Wodbine, and welcome to Tenderness for Nurses.

I'm grateful for the person that I had the opportunity to be.

So I hid it and parked it for Nelly four years. We always have free will, We always get to choose.

We are autonomous.

Good afternoon everyone, Thank you for tuning back in to Tenderness for Nurses. I am very privileged to have a lovely colleague of mine, Simon Rita Alexander, who I met not that long ago, actually at a skincare meeting. It was a lastin, wasn't it that we were mar the Galderma product, which I just have to say, and this isn't a plug for anyone, but it is remarkable. But you particularly love it because your background is in wound care as an endorsed and rold nurse.

Correct.

Yeah, so just give us a little bit of the back of how long or when did you do your eens?

So about eight years ago now, and I did my graduar at a private hospital in post op plastic and reconstructive wing care. Sure, so, dealing with lots of gender reaffirming surgeries, neckfash wounds, lots of stuff. So that's probably what got me really into not only wind cabit, how the skin heels, how to protect the skin barrier, all the things that have kind of led me to the point where I am now.

So the gender affirming surgery, you now have your own practice. I do, yes, within the ascetic space. Yes, so you know your competition.

I know, totally, totally.

I'd like to say that, but actually we're anything but no. But do you tend to get patients now that are on that journey?

I do, yes. I get patients of all varieties. Obviously we know our bread and butter is female, but I do get a wide variety of genders, socioeconomic backgrounds, lots of different people. In I try to focus on what I call it is positive aging. So I really come down to trying to bring my background in nursing and the reason why I started nursing is I want to help people and I try to bring that into cosmetics.

It isn't that.

Yeah, So do you say no? Lots?

Me too? Oh my god, all the time?

Do you yeah? Me too? And I'm surprised at the amount of other nurses that say, oh you say no, and I'm like.

Yeah, it's a scary part of our industry. And I have to say, there seems to be two types of people within the aesthetic space. There seems to be the one that I'm medically ethically orientated and the ones that are financially orientated. Would that be your take.

I definitely think so. I think. Look to be real, I got into the industry because initially I was financially motivated because I got really down about what I was getting paid for a really long week at the hospital, and not only was the compensation not sufficient, the support wasn't sufficient. The emotional burnout just from doing the job, no matter what level of nursing you are, just from

So do you still work within the hospital?

I do, yeah, so casually. Yeah, I work in day surgery and postop recovery.

Awesome. So doing plastics still.

Lots plastics is obviously one of your biggest operating theater time consumers, so we do look after a lot of plastic patients. But also autho IVF, a very small amount of gender reaffirming and a lot of fertility. Actually, is that right?

I actually started when I went and worked at s Andrew's Hospital. I did my post grad year after I'd done my registered nursing, my degree in nursing at s Andrew's Hospital, and I started off doing lots of IVF. Guyany and ies believe it.

Or not, Oh my god, this so much.

So so much, and I loved it. And then I moved across and worked for Quins and Fertility Group for numerous years. But I did everything, you know, like theater, recovery, anesthetics, grubbing, scouting, admissions like.

We just you do kind of have to be a jack of all train.

Yeah. And I loved it. I really loved it. The hours were great. You know, we didn't think about pay back then. It was just nurses just got great.

I didn't. I don't know one nurse that said I got into nursing the pay No, I'll let.

Me thinking about that. Yeah, i'd have to say. I can't say I've ever heard that either.

No, So you know, I'm sure there might be some, but yeah, definitely not me.

What did you do before you became a nurse.

So I actually was. I was a full time drag queen. What are you now? There I was, and then I was a hairdresser for ten years. So here in Brisbane, both here in Brisbane.

Yeah, and where did you where did.

You all all the local clubs from here to the Gold Coast for quite a few years, namely one club in the valley. That's quite so. I enjoyed it at the time, I was it anymore? No too much effort?

Oh you like beautiful? Oh? Thank you? Absolutely stunning us some of the drag.

Queens, aren't they. Yeah. And that's the amount of effort that is a lot, is it?

Oh?

My god? And money really just to keep up makeup, wigs, costuming, and to be honest, I'm you know, I'm almost forty. I can't stay up that late.

My god, Yes, I'm anana.

I'm ready for bed at seven thirty.

Well, I have to say almost forty. You don't look at that.

Oh, well, you know perks of the industry.

Do you miss that? Do you miss the camaraderie? Well?

Interesting you say that, because yes, but I've developed a different camaraderie in the cosmetic space. I've gotten a real partnership and a real sense of community that I never had in surgical nursing. So with a very small cohort, definitely, I find that the support in the cosmetic space is tenfold better than it was in hospital nursing. Not only the support professionally, but the support emotionally, the support with

Actually, we were meant to do this podcast last week and I had to go and help a colleague with a significant vascular exression and it was so lovely you just meant, yeah, no, go for going, of course, you know, but I love the fact that there are people that can reach out to me no judgment. It can happen to the best injector, and it has on stage, I want to say, but you would never know because they're just so calm.

Well, it's not a reflection of you personally or professionally. As we all know, it can happen.

Without a doubt. And I think the more time we spend understanding and the research is there, the more we know anatomically less likely we are to have a VEO. But as you know, and so you guys understand that we are taught anatomy facial anatomy, but thirty percent of that now we know, diverges from what we know to

Yet to encounter a patient that is symmetrical, no one is no, No one is no.

So it I know there are medical and nursing groups out there that look at our industry as fluffy, but I can tell you it is anything but especially when you add wound care, lasers, skin dermatology, and injectibles, it is an that incorporates so many other health concerns.

Do you know what I as a cosmetic nurse, we see our patients sometimes monthly, but you know, at a minimum three to six monthly, So we're seeing them more than their primary care giver, physician, their GP, their you know, specialist surgeon. So I think it's our responsibility to not only do what they ask cosmetically. But I'm always getting asked what's this or you know, I've said, hey, have you had that checked out? I've done blood services, PRP, biophila.

And mind you, I've also done that and said you partied a bit too hard on the.

Correct you know, it could have been one, it could have been the Oh my god, how did you know?

And I was like, well, I just saw your plasma. I think maybe we stopped this treatment and you know, drink fair bit of water and we'll see you in a couple of yeah, correct time. However, it is true, And because I have another nurse practitioner that comes into the clinic that does skin cancer management and I have a great relationship with germs in Brisbane as well as plastics as I know you do. Yes, I've got a client recently that you know, if youdex on one spot,

Oh, it's you know, it's systemic in the way we have to look after our patients, as in we've got to not only do skincare, but where they're talking cosmetics, we're talking general mental health. You know, not that maybe all of us have the qualifications to give, you know, professional advice, but we're certainly a sounding board and.

We know who to refer on to correct, because I'm assuming, as an endorsement raw nurse with the upper guidelines, did you have a registered nurse?

So I do have registered nurse employed. She's employed and contracted for both indirect and direct supervision. So just depending on what procedure is booked in and what area of the face, and what medication I'm using of course, so you're doing everything right. Oh, correct. I found being an endorsed in ROLD nurse and a slightly competitive person by nature, I overstudy. So when I first got into cosmetics, I and I've seen you speak about this. I had definite

And how did you overcome that?

The support of the community, mutual friends which we know other like doctors, have been so supportive and so encouraging. Nurse practitioners like yourself, fellow nurses in and out of the industry, have just really given me that confidence that, hey, you know, I am good at what I do. Yes, I'm fortunate that I do have an aesthetic eye, which has worked hand in hand with the cosmetic field.

Well, you know what, I really believe the best aesthetic practitioners have an aesthetic and not everyone does. I know when I trained for Galderma, I could go in and I could see this gaping hole in someone's cheek and I'm like, going, you need we have to put something here, and they people can't see it. I couldn't understand it.

How they couldn't see it.

And maybe because I look at things in symmetry, I just couldn't understand how they couldn't treat someone in a symmetrical manner. You don't want to be you know, people aren't exactly the same. But if there's a whole, surely you can see that.

Whole, well, correct you? Well one would hope, wouldn't you. But they can't know, And maybe they're blinded by financial gain, blinded by he is in the industry. Who knows. I don't know.

It's a really interesting thing, and I certainly know there are certain clinics out there that you really know what clinics someone's gone to because of how that person looks, because they reject everyone exactly.

The same correct or it's one area, yeah.

And it's an interesting thing where if you really want a beautiful, bespoke treatment, it's usually little bit every correct.

And one of the first things I say to my patients, especially if they're new, is, first of all, I affirmed that they should feel beautiful and confident in themselves without our help, because again, coming from someone that has struggled with self confidence, mental health, all of those kind of struggles that we all do my whole life. I like to make sure people know that no matter what we do, they should feel beautiful in their own skin. And that's

I love that.

I might use that myself. Why not, because if you don't feel good in your skin, what are you doing?

Oh? I wouldn't agree more. You would find, as I've found, particularly women that having a marriage breakdown or a relationship break out, and they come in, they go, just fill me up. I want to feel better, yep. And if it's a new client, I won't. No, I might, I might do a little bit of yeah, but I won't do a lot or I'll focus on this skin correct first and foremost skin because I just think it's a real knee jerk reaction and there's more obviously going on.

Do you get I'm sure you do. But I get a lot of people sometimes regular patients, they come in and they go, let's just do something. I need something. And then after consultation, I'm like, well, what are we wanting to work on? What can you see? Oh? I just want something. I always go back to skin, let's work on skin.

So my I mean, I've been doing this for fifty twenty years. My clients now know not to ask that question,

I mean, the new patients always ask for top ups. But I hate that phrase.

It's yes, correct, and it's only two weeks and I'm.

Sorry, it's exactly three weeks max. And for me it's I'm an underdoser. I think that's the safest way to play it, especially with me being an endorsed in ye old nurse, but speaking more as a whole as you'd know anti wrinkle, we can't take it back. No, no, And coming from a point of view of someone that inherently cares about people, I would not want that to happen to any of my patients or anyone.

Oh no, absolutely not. And at the end of the day, as a prescribing nurse, it has to I have to prescribe for someone because it is.

Something that they need correct.

If there's no movement, then I'm prescribing for nothing exactly. So it also comes back to being an ethical prescriber.

I think so.

And I think that's really really important. You touched on before about your own mental health journey.

Are you comfortable to talk about it totally? I think it's important to shed a light on that, especially in the.

Nursing space and especially male correct there's not many of us, so do you mind sharing.

Look, I've struggled my whole life. Without getting too into it, my family situation coming out was not easy. It's a very religious background there, and it caused a lot of drama, caused a lot of lack of confidence, lack of feeling worthy. I've obviously worked through that. I still struggle every day with depression, and that's something that I have learned to manage, obviously through the right medication, but also through mindfulness, through meditation, meditation.

And do you see a psychologist?

Do I see a counselor a psychologist and a psychiatrist? So yeah, the called Trio.

So last week a lovely young friend of mine, she was a very good friend with my daughter and played water Apollo. She came on the podcast and Alice was talking about as an lead athlete that you know she's She was laughing about her whole life. She has you know, family psychologists, sporting psychologists, another sporting psychologist like goes on and on and on, and it has got her to where it got her to the Olympics in the right headspace.

Every day issues. Counselor is why did I react like that? Trying to get that background of why did I get so angry? Or why did I let that person walk over me? Why didn't I say the boundary? Correct? Correct?

Do you think? In And this is something I've really struggled with and caused a serious issue with burnout an alcohol few years back. I just couldn't say no. I couldn't say no any patient. I couldn't say no. I just couldn't say no because I'm so worried that you know that that go to the next person, or that I wouldn't be good enough for saying no, And sending boundaries is very hard for me.

Me too. Professionally, I can say no, I can say no to piller, I can say no to other medications, but I cannot say no personally. And I don't know if that comes from that nurturing side of me. The reason why I wanted to get into nursing, the drive to help people. But my husband's also helped me understand this. I can't help people add a detriment to myself. But we do, though, but we do so.

So I when what is your relationship with your family? Now?

It's great now. You know my dad passed away about eight years ago. Now it was a complicated relationship. Yeah, but I was very fortunate. About about a week after you passed, I met my now husband.

Yeah, so it's like your dad passed.

And kind of I mean I used to joke with him that, you know, I said, oh, my dad passed, So you know, you can never leave me now because I've got issues.

And when you came out to your family, how old were you? So? I was eighteen, And I just want to say, I hate the idea of and it's such a I feel like it's an old fashioned term because totally someone the other week, someone young I heard them saying, what do you mean came out? What does that mean? Why don't you just always what you are?

So I think in some ways it is an archaic term. I don't think as someone that identifies as a gay man, I don't think there should be a need to come out. I mean, the point of equality and inclusivity is that we're all the same. So why should one particular person from a particular group have to say, Hey, this is who I sleep with. It's not no one's business. So unfortunately, it was not as acceptable as it is now when I came out, and I didn't come out by choice.

I would assume that said ongoing issues, correct, yep? Why did that person feel like they needed to do that?

Look, we were young. I don't want to look at this. No, no, no, not at all. This person I have and I have forgived. And it wasn't just one person. It was a chain, a chain of people, with most of them being in my family.

Oh my god, it's like the Swiss cheese is correct.

It all lines because you know, I was living with one they said unacceptable. Then another called me and said, you've got to tell your mother. Now you have half an hour. And how old were barely eighteen?

Oh huh? Yeah? And how did did you cope with it? Did you end up having to leave home?

Yeah? So I had already left home because my mental health was it was not a good taste for me to be. And without getting too much into that, because that's not my story to tell, I moved out with some family. Unfortunately, when that all came out, I had to move again.

Where did you find support?

Because in my chosen to be honest, But were you homeless? Essentially? I never thought of myself as homeless, but yeah, I think I countersurved for two years.

Do you know that is.

Far?

That is one of the most common forms of homelessness. Then most people realize and it's something that's really hard to measure. Yeah, because people don't consider it as well.

It's interesting because I never up until this moment, I never thought of myself as being but I guess I was. I had a car, I had somewhat of an income, I was studying.

You should be so proud of yourself. Yeah, I am in retrospect, No like here, and now you should be not in retrospect. You should be absolutely so proud of yourself because you've overcome things that some people unfortunately never overcome and find themselves in completely different situations.

Well, look, it hasn't been easy, and I've had my struggles and still do. I'm just I think I fortunate. I've also been surrounded by great people.

I am. I'm in awe of you. I think A you're being really vulnerable sharing what you're sharing, and I know it's looking at you and no it's not so if you want to cite no, no loves.

It, get those views.

Thank you for sharing. Of course that because so many nurses, paramedics, doctors have some serious mental health issues and we're all too bare, too scared, too scared of RAPERA, too afraid, too scared of the nursing Midwife board to say anything and to the detriment of us, and we put everyone else in front of us because that's what who cares.

That's who we are, you know.

And I think it's fantastic You've got to tribe and that you shared something so in with because that's that takes courage.

Look it does, but you know it's it's not a bad but that's just my that's just me. And you know, I learned quickly that I'm not going to apologize for who I am, no matter whether it's my family, people I work for. That's one thing I won't ever have a trouble with saying no about no, this is who I am, and I'm okay with it.

See, I've really, I have really struggled with the shame around drinking. And that's then you know, having a you know, total burnout and made a depression. And it's not the depression I that just is what it is, but there's such shame around it. And I've just recently started reading Giball Matt's book and I'm actually going to see him down the coast in the new year, and I came to the realization it was actually just recently that has nothing to be ashamed of. It's a pretty bloody good story.

But if anything, you should be to be proud because to me, what that shows that shows strength yep, yep, and you should.

Be proud and not ashamed.

And not shame is such a useless emotion and it is drummed into us, and it is debilitating. But it's a social construct, and unfortunately it's also a religious construct, which really got drummed into me. And shame is useless.

When you left home and I'm assuming you started doing some drag work, was that a bit of a if you?

Yeah, totally, there's a big well. I had never planned to come out. I thought, let's just let's do what my family does sometimes and stick it in a box and not talk about it.

Okay, yep.

So when kind of that happened and it was a weight off my shoulders, I thought, you know what, if this is such a bad thing, then let's go balls to the wall. And so you did and I did, and you know, I kind of just fell into drag by gorgeous, Thank you seriously.

So I can imagine you actually done up. But I think you'd be a stunny me a photo.

I will, I will. My sisters hated it. They're like, oh, I hate it. You have better legs than me. I could never have.

Been a drag queen legs.

Oh god.

Anyway, and they do, they have smoking legs.

Yeah, well, you know it's all an illusion.

Do you? You said before that every day is making a choice.

Yes.

Two. So when you feel like you are overwhelmed, what do you do?

Look Apart from obviously, I find breathing exercises are great for myself personally. That helps centers my thoughts because I'm an overthinker. But to be honest, my husband has been my rock, not only physically, financially, emotionally, but he's my best friend. He's who I turn to for advice. He's who I turned to to center myself. And it was an adjustment because we were married, we lived together, we

But maybe you're making him a better version of him.

I'd like to think so. But isn't that what a good relationship is.

Absolutely, it's been able to communicate, love each other, give each other space, correct hear each.

Other and I might not be I'm working on the give him space.

But you know what, you're aware of it yeah, and that probably it probably goes back to feeling.

Unwanted totally, and that's something that has come up in therapy. There you go, he did you just save me like three hundred dollars? I'm sorry happy.

Out of everything we've chatted about, if you are a guy wanting to get into nursing, yep, what would be the best advice?

First of all, why are you wanting to do it? I think, even though yes, we need more nurses, but we don't just need numbers. We need nurses that care. And unfortunately, things like bureaucracy, pay, inequity get in the way of nurses that care because at the end of the day, any form of nursing is still nursing. And I do it because of four words I ask every patient, how can I help? I just want to help people.

I'm the same and I love my I love my clients, and I love my patients, and I love that I'm a nurse practitioner and can take it that next step. I really love helping my colleagues.

Nothing I've seen that it's great fills.

My cup up more than someone reaching out going hey can you give me a hand? Absolutely, I don't know it's it's a good feeling, but I think there's a lot that don't do it.

There are, and there are a lot that aren't as humble about it. I have been on the receiving end of people with your qualification or beat doctors and really spoken down to really yeah yeah, or made to feel like I've done something wrong by just being so being yeah, taking up space and cosmetics.

But you know what, some of the best, some of the best injectors, nurse practitioners, registered nurses, doctors, own, rolled, endorsed and role nurses.

You know, I think it's that tortoise and the hair we've had to lack in shell way.

You're probably like I, so I always I just had this mindset. I was always going to go under the radar, And you're probably exactly the same. You just spot along, you do your own thing. You've surrounded yourself with the right people, and I did. That was something I made a very conscious decision when I first started to make sure I had really good doctors and other nurses around me and mentors. I didn't listen to the rubbish on

Me too, and my socials are oh mine too. Do you know how many times I've spoken about skin and consultation is key?

I know, how many times can you do it? I'm like, how many times can you talk about salmon spam?

I know, I'm like, or the benefits of plasma, But it's.

True, I cannot tell you.

I me too. It's crazy, isn't it.

And I just think people are sitting back and looking at who's doing the right thing. I think so, and they're looking at people that aren't doing the right thing on social media and game, well, why would I go to that person? We attract the people that are like us, so therefore they're going to talk about us to hopefully people that are like them, that are like us. So I have to say, and I'm sure you're the same. The new clients that are coming in are beautiful, lovely or.

Just giant, genuine people.

And I'm loving it because it's not someone looking at Instagram and go, oh my god, I got to see her, and then you know, they book don't show up you know, all that sort of stuff. These are genuinely lovely people that listen ware sirtation that you have with them. Understand that I might go, I'm not doing anything medically orientated. We're going to focus on your skin. First. You need to see your lease and have a skin check done.

Old beaten up Chanel handbag.

Absolutely, and you don't one because you're not doing the right thing by your patients. No, you're not, because it still looks the same, except they just don't have wrinkles correct. And like, as most people know, the skin is the largest organ. Absolutely, So.

Why are we taking care of appearance over organ and skin health?

Absolutely? And that's why dermatology is such a complex specialty because so much impacts the skin. You know, it absorbs thing, it protects us, it moderates our temperature. It is such a complex organ and we need to really really look after our skin totally first and foremost, and then we look at that and like I say to my patients and you probably do the same, is that if your skin is healthy and fit and great healthy barrier, your product.

Is going to last longer and it's going to look better. Absolutely, because at the end of the day, we're not treating aging as you know, aging skin. We're treating dehydration and we're treating a breakdown of the barrier. So if you're using the right ingredients, if you're using the right treatments, you're going to get a better result with your cosmetics.

Absolutely well. On that note, I want to say thank you so much for coming in up in a way I didn't expect to go, but I love it. Thank you so much for it's my pleasure, and sorry for the couple of times we've had to not at all.

That's the life of Annette.

Absolutely and I've loved every second with you.

Think me too. Thank you so much for that pleasure.