You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mama Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We have recorded this podcast on the Gatagul people of the Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander cultures.
Hello.
I am the producer of MoMA MEA's comedy podcast called Canceled. It's hosted by twin sisters Jesse and Claire Stevens. So the podcast looks at the wild things that celebrities do and assigns charges and sentences to them. So, with the US election happening this week and the spotlight on former President Donald Trump, here's an episode all about the former president and given his many controversies. This is a two part series, so a link to part two will be in the show notes.
Enjoy, Hello, and welcome to cancel The podcast asked the looks silly celebrity crimes and assience charges and sentences to them so we can all move on with our lives. I'm Chles Stephens and i am Jesse Stevens, and today is part one of two episodes we're doing about reality stuff. Businessman, former president and current presidential candidate Donald John Trump. We have wanted to do this series for a little while. And there was a moment where we went, the time
is past. Yeah, he's no longer in the zeiki. We went, everyone's forgotten. He's not really relevant anymore and now, and then Trump said, hold my magahet, I have altered. I have some things to say.
We're dying, we're daying, we need money. Thank you, darling.
But mister Trump, you're not a nice person. That's true, but actually I am.
I think I am a nice person.
Now, if you genuinely tried to do a canceled episode about mister Donald, you'd be going for a decade. And that's the point. This man is so bizarre and silly and ridiculous that you forget. You forget all of it, so that if someone today were to stop you on the street and say, Jesse, why should Donald Trump not be president? You're like, I don't know where to start. You're like, uh uh, that's part of his genius. It's like, uh, make America great again. Yeah, yeah, it's very hard to like,
I know bad because I kind of vaguely. Then go re Apprentice, which is his greatest crime. But it's also not not a crime. No, And it's like he sexually assaulted everyone. That was ten lifetimes ago. He did have for everyone. Obviously, there are his actual crimes. Just for example, in May this year, oh I forgot, a jury in New York found Trump guilty on thirty four felony counts of falsifying business records related to a hush money payment
to Stormy Daniels. Imagine how many felons accounts if silliness was also a crime, and if he was in the council courtroom, which now he is. Yeah, wow, charge charge, charge sentence. This made him the first former US president to be convicted of a crime. He has also been indicted on fifty four other felony counts related to his
mishandling of classified documents. That's a big thing that like the documents you have in your president are quite private, and he did not actually sound very interesting to me. It's like to be completely honest, and I did follow this. There is a number of felony counts we get to where I check out and I go, how much does a felony count even matter? If we can get fifty four of them? Exactly. And it's like, if Joe Biden or Kamala Harris was accused of one thing, I'd be like, oh, oh,
what is a criminal? Yeah, he's accused of fifty four on top of what he's already been found guilty of, and I'm like, oh, it's a bit of a blur. He's also been indicted on felony counts related to his efforts to overturn the twenty twenty presidential election. Remember when he just threw his hands up and rejected democracy. Yeah, people have to keep reminding everyone. It's like he's a threat to democracy. And everyone's like, you can't just accuse
someone of being a threat to democracy. And he's like, no, he tried to say that votes don't count. It's like, no, he did try and do that. That's actually true. He didn't attend Biden's inauguration. He incided a riot. He insided. I went very quiet about him. He straight up was like, if I lose doesn't count. He said, if I lose doesn't count, incited riot and then said that was actually a lot like Martin Luther King. And it wasn't a lot like Martin Luther King. It was the opposite yes.
The people of January sixth were treated very unfairly. I was at the Washington Monument, I was at the whole thing.
I had crowds.
I don't know who's ever had a bigger crowd than I have, but I had it many times, the biggest crowd I've ever spoken. I've spoken to the biggest crowds. Nobody's spoken to crowds bigger than me. If you look at Martin Luther King when he did his speech, his great speech, and you look at ours, seem same everything, same number of people. If not, we had more, and you look at the picture of his crowd my career, we actually had more people.
In civil proceedings. He's been found liable for sexual abuse and defamation in twenty twenty three, defamation in twenty twenty four, and financial fraud in twenty two se Definiteat's nothing. A man's walking around being potentially the next president of the United States. What does a defamation ruling even mean? Why can you be currently in court and also a criminal and also be maybe going to be president. Yeah, it's like, what are you doing after court today? I'm going to
my rally to become presidents? Yeah, and then it's like you're leaving a rally and ever run's like, oh you need to leave early, and it's like, yeah, I got a court date. I got to go to court this just so the same run. Before his career in politics, he and his businesses had been plaintiffs, you know what, or defendants. He's a slashy Yeah, slashy. He's always been the ultimate slashy. Yeah yeah, because he's been businessman, reality
TV star. But Fellon fellon as the additional slash for his say truth social account where you have to say who you are as a little bio maybe even on his LinkedIn Fellon with a lot of little dot points. Quite nice. Yes. So, he and his businesses have been plaintiffs or defendants in more than four thousand legal actions, including six business bankruptcies. He continues to say, I have never been bankrupt. He has never been bankrupt because his
businesses have gone bankrupt. That's why you create a business so that if you go bankrupt, it's the business that goes bankrupt, not you. You can't say I understand it, yep. But we are not here to talk about actual crimes. No, no, no, we trust that the court of law will follow them up, look at the paperwork and so on, do we because the court of law does do that. But then there is no concertin I think there are consequences. Just one of the consequences isn't anything to do with running for
president or going to jail. No, we're here to talk about social crimes, cultural crimes, crimes against the vibe. They're the crimes we'll be looking at. Even still, you could look at those crimes forever. So this is not exhaustive. Oh how did you come up with your scope? It is simply for the laughs. Okay, you were guided by your nose. I was guided by my nose. Is the only way to explain it. Let us not Anny, good judge, Let us begin. Donald John Trump is seventy eight years old.
He was elected the forty fifth president of the United States in twenty sixteen, and when he was inaugraded in twenty seventeen, he became the only US president without prior military or government experience. Absolutely none, nada, zero, unqualified. He's also the only US president to have been impeached twice. In twenty nineteen for abuse of power and obstruction of Congress after he pressured Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden just sounds so bizarre, and in twenty twenty one for incitement
of insurrection. He was born in New York, and he went to a private school and then studied economics at the University of Pennsylvania. We don't know what he was like at school, because in twenty fifteen, his lawyer threatened Trump's colleges, his high school, and the college board with legal action if they released his academic records. That's not a good reflection on your academic record. People don't do that on it's high distinctions or ipluses or fine or fine.
During the Vietnam War in the sixties, Trump avoided being drafted into the Armed forces by saying he was a college and claiming to have bone spurs. I'm bone spurs is what my good friend Nadal has in his name. Well, he is a profession He plays elite tennis with his bone spurs. Where were Trump's bone spurs? Okay he didn't. No, I'm all for people getting out of here. Has a bone spur neck in his neck? Yes, Oh, he'd never get out of dadtry service. Bit Dad's in his sixties.
I'm all for people bludging their way out of military service. Oh, I respect it, But I feel like, if you are going to be the person to deploy the military as president, oh you got him, you got chaff, be willing to serve in it. Do you not think? Okay, here's the issue. It's not like he was a conscientious objector. No, he didn't go. I don't believe in combat. I don't believe
in war. I'm actually going to protest against It's what he did is he lied about his bone spur, which I think that if you ask him a few questions about where and what, let's just say, has a bone spur come up since and he does constantly claim to be in perfect health and he's never brought up his bone spurs. So how's the spur going? Dad's in his neck. So maybe Trump has a very sore neck. Maybe it has limited his tennis career, although I think if he
had a bone spur would have limited his golf game. Yeah, and according to him, it has not. He has a great, great handicap.
I just won two club championships, not even senior, two regular club championships. To do that, you have to be quite smart, and you have to be able to hit the ball a long way.
And I do it, but I guess him getting out of military service is probably the first example of what we'll see as a theme him being a lazy boy.
Lazy boy, boy, boy boy.
Welcome to the Castle court Room, Trump, You are in good company. Trump has been married three times and has five children. He spent most of his career as the president of his father's real estate business. He renamed it the Trump Organization and focused the company on building and
renovating skyscrapers, hotels, casinos, and golf courses. He became famous in the entertainment world as an owner of the Miss Universe, Miss USA and Missed Teen USA beauty pageants, then as creator and host of The Apprentice, which was a brilliant show. Is that still on? It had like a different host. It's on in lots and lots of different countries, and there's like Celebrity Apprentice and all of that. I don't know if it was actually his brainchild. Well we'll get oh, okay,
but I loved The Apprentice, Jesse. In part one, we're going to discuss all the cooked things Trump did pre presidency and during his election campaign. Then in part two next week, we're going to discuss all the things you forgot he did as president. Oh no, and they're really funny. Some of them are. They're funny because he's not currently the president. Yeah, so it feels retrospective, yes, and there
are like memes and stuff. Yeah. But then there's also like that time he just stopped the government from functioning. Remember the government was so funny. Lazy boy, lazy boy, boy, boy boy. My structure for today is as follows. Lying about his money, books and TV, Trump university, health beliefs, and politics and the campaign. I vaguely know about some of these things. Lying about his money, Trump likes to say that his career began with a small loan of
just one million dollars from his father. He says he had to pay that loan back with interest. But Trump was a millionaire by the time he was eight, and we know that he borrowed at least sixty million USD from his father, mostly failed to pay it back, and then got another four hundred and thirteen million USD from his father's company. A report in twenty sixteen found that compared to the stock market and property in New York,
Trump's investments underperformed. Essentially, you would have been better off just investing that money than Donald Trump having it and doing his business. If Donald Trump is Wall Street, he's nineteen twenty nine. Yeah, he's a Wall Street crash. He's a great depression. In twenty eighteen, he and his family were reported to have committed tax fraud to avoid paying hundreds of millions of dollars in taxes on the real
estate fortune that was passed down from their father. Trump's tax returns from nineteen eighty five to nineteen ninety four show net losses totaling one point one seven billion. The losses were higher than those of almost every other American tax payer. That actually amazing. Actually that's a lot of money to lose. But none of that matters. What matters is that, according to journalist Jonathan Greenberg, donald Trump called him in nineteen eighty four, pretending to be a fictional
person from the Trump organization called John Barron. This mister John falsely claimed that Donald Trump owned more than ninety percent of his father's business in order to try to get him a higher ranking on the Forbes four hundred list of wealthy Americans. Greenberg then found that Forbes vastly overestimated Trump's wealth and wrongly included him on three of
the different lists. So like on Rich List, yes, because they had testimony from some man named John Baron saying Donald Trump is actually no, no, no, okay, Trump makes that call it Trump. Okay, just Chump's voice.
Hello, it's Trump, yeah, okay.
And John Baron his my names. John. He didn't even, he didn't even, he didn't even try. But just it's John Brump, Donald Trump. Mate. No, he's so rich. Put that in your article tax go on, go on, write it. How much money does he have? One billions of them.
One hundred billion dollars.
Trump, Donald Trump, gets that to work and stop calling. Okay, I have more phone calls to Ma. The next call is to Wikipedia. Moving on to books and TV, Donald Trump, I'm going to try and do a Donald Trump boy. Donald Trump has written many, many books. It's hard to say how many, but it's nineteen. He's prolific. Yeah, he's like Alexander Hamilton the one. His first book, The Art of the Deal, was a New York Times bestseller. While Trump was credited as co author, the entire book was
written by Tony Schwartz. According to the New Yorker, the book made Trump famous as an emblem of the successful tycoon one lazy boy Trump, you didn't write your own book, lazy.
Boy, boy, boy boy too.
Tony Schwartz really wants that book re kind of labeled as fiction. He's a campaigned for that. Yeah. During his presidential campaign announcement in twenty fifteen, Trump said, we need a leader that wrote the Art of the Deal. And it's like, okay, where's Dony. The Art of the Deal explains the power of psychology and deception, which Trump calls bravado or truthful hyperbole. That's what he says made him
successful in real estate. He talks about things like having a construction crew drive machinery back and forth on a site so that the visiting board of directors thinks that the work is further along than it is. Is that fraud and he instructed a supervisor, if necessary, have the bulldozers dig up dirt on one side of the site and dump it on the other. You're a weasel. You're a little manipularity weasel. He offers business advice, such as the best way to ask for a raise is to
wait for the right time. Do you find that helpful? When's the right time? He says like, I guess you'll know. I don't think Trump like someone people ask him for a raise, And I don't think he asked for a raise. I think that his dad just gives him sixty million dollars on a Monday. Yes. He also says people should always be encouraged to follow their dreams, but realized that a lot of time and money can be wasted chasing
dreams that just weren't meant to be true. If you're my kids, for example, you can chase your dreams like Evunka. If you're one of my employees and you want to chase your dreams, maybe get back into your box then, Jesse. Speaking of business endeavors, There's The Apprentice. Trump co produced and hosted The Apprentice for fourteen seasons. It was incredible just over twenty years ago. The first episode aired, it was called Meet the Billionaire, and it attracted eighteen million viewers.
Twenty eight million watched the season finale. It won an Emmy. Trump became internationally famous for his catchphrase you're fired.
You're fired, You're fired, You're fired, You're fired, You're fired, and.
It elevated him to someone who came across as really common sense and authoritative and fair. You've got to admit, Like we watched it as kids. We would sit there in front of the TV drinking Milo and we would just say you fired, you fired, your fired, and remember the opening credits, Money Morning, Money, morn. We'd walk around the house and yeah, in money, and mom and dad would be like, we don't have the message of this show.
We're like, huy, and we're walking down the streets of New York just like throwing monopoly money around, and we're like, I want to be in the boardroom. What do you want to sell? I don't know, I don't know, but you're fired. And we would do a lot of that. Now. According to one of the producers on the show, people working on it had to sign expansive non disclosure agreements that promised to find a five million dollars and jail time if they shared what happened. Jesse. The original idea
was to have a new billionaire each season. Oh, it wasn't that Trump would just be a certified billionaire, because it sounds like, well, no, this is that thing. Let's not pretend we understand money, because this is this is what I understand. It's always like I went bankrupt and now I'm buying a jet, and then it's like, Kylie
Jenner's a billionaire. Okay. In my mind, if Kylie Jenner is a billionaire, if I were to say to her, right now, let's go to combank, you know, you go to an ATM, and it could be like, what's in my account? What comes up is one and maybe seven zeros? Could I tell you nine zeros, more zeros than I've ever seen, And I go, boom, You're a billionaire. If it's one dollar less, you're not a billionaire. But in my mind, you've got to be able to withdraw that
cash now, and from combat and from Combank specifically. Yes, I don't understand stocks. I don't understand shares. I don't understand equity or assets. I don't understand business, don't understand lip kids, don't understand Trump towers. So in my mind, if they're selling him as a billion he has I think it's technically referred to as liquid. Yeah, liquid funds. He's got to have some liquid. Yeah, it's just sitting
there now. This information that I'm about to share about The Apprentice comes from a producer who wrote this huge expose so apparently they tried to get several different people for the first season, and Trump was the only one who said yes, pretty much that whole scene else. Do you think they tried to get the Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, this is it. Billionaires are busy, billionaire's busiest. And Trump was the only one who was like, let me look
at my calendar. I am absolutely praid. Did you want to film in March April?
May?
Just let me check. I am free in June and July, and I've got an opening in August, September, October, and then I am on break November, December, jan So I'm probably pretty open. And by that I mean I worked two hours a week, so that's what I might film. But it's like any billionaire you can think of. It's like Elon Musk, like they generally have things to do, have a what I would call a packed day job.
Not Trump. Now. Pretty much that entire first season was scripted, and this producer writes about how you couldn't let Trump just go because he got confused by the names of people, by what he was meant to do. Apparently, in the first like thing where they're in the boardroom, he is like really unclear, eying like whoa wait is somebody fired?
Like what's the deal? And then Trump like mumbled like yeah, I would have fired that person, and the producer had to be like, I think you should point at them and say you'll fire the clarity and then Trump and then Trump did that, and then it was very like Mark Holden, Yes, it was very that. Yes. Well, Trump years later then tried to trademark you're fired, and it was unsuccessful because he didn't come up with it. No,
it's said all the time in workplaces around the world. Yeah, but also he didn't even come up with it, which is similarly this seems to be a billionaire trend. If you will. Kylie tried to trade mark Kylie, this is a thing. Stop trying to trademark things. And he's already got a billion dollars. Why do you need more funds?
Crass and Shine.
Apparently they're behind. If anyone needs to trademark things, it's poor people, it's us. Yes, we should trademark canceled, except we can't because there's another cancel podcast more successful than now. I know. We probably should have trademarks canceled. We could
use some business advice from Trump. Apparently there are behind the scenes tapes full of blatant racism, misogyny, like just disgusting behavior from the Apprentice, and there's always been talked about whether they will come out because they're really, really bad. Another big part of Trump's entertainment career was his ownership
of the Miss Universe organization. From nineteen ninety six to twenty fifteen, he co owned the Miss Universe organization, which also included the Miss Us and Missed Teen USA pageants. When he first bought it, he publicly ridiculed a nineteen year old Miss Universe winner for putting on five kilograms on camera, he said.
Alicia is like me, and like a lot of other people.
I love to eat.
We all love to eat, not all of us, some of you are lucky, but we eat.
We like to eat.
And she had tremendous pressure put on her with the win and everything else. Plus she was going from country to country, all foreign places, and there was a huge amount of pressure. And some people when they have pressure, don't eat, and some people when they have pressure eat too much, like me, but like Alicia.
When he got called out for that, that got resurfaced during his twenties. He's trying to build rapport with Alisha. Yeah, he's like, we're the same. No, We're not the same. When he got called out for that during his twenty sixteen presidential campaign, he said she had gained a massive amount of weight. It was a real problem. Did you say five pounds kilos by five kilos? Right? Yeah?
Yeah?
Yeah. He also so falsely tweeted that she was involved in a sex stage. Oh okay, that wasn't a thing. In twenty thirteen, he brought the competition to Russia. He tweeted, do you think Putin will be going to the Miss Universe pageant? If so, will he become my new best friend m During his political career, he referenced this event in Russia. He told Fox News, I know Russia. Well, I had a major event in Russia a few years ago which was a big, big, incredible event. Sir, it
was a Miss Universe. Do you think it's lucrative? Because I'm thinking about what I would spend my money on if I was a billionaire, and in terms of what I would invest in, what I would buy, Miss Universe seems like a bit of a sinking ship. Yeah, No, it was Okay. It was like over the time he had it, it lost its value. I also think that it's quite a time investment because it takes a lot of Like he was often just there with his arms around with him but again he was free. Yeah, I
don't get how it like grows in value. No, what do they call it when something is scalable? Yeah, it's not. So you have a scalable product. Well, I guess you could just make more and more pageants. But I think what he wasn't counting on was that women are busy. So I think he was like, we just need all women to be in pad.
No.
But this is something I've often said about people who don't have a lot on. They can't comprehend that other people have a full week. They're the type of people who I have a friend, love him, but he will call me at midday on a Chuesday because it doesn't a lot on. That's Trump. Yeah, So he's like, well, why wouldn't women be in Miss Universe pageants? Well, you know they're working full time now, yeah, or they've got families,
they've got things on during the week, what type of things? Okay, Trump, this is the problem. This is why you need a day drum. Yeah, well I'm doing Apprentice. Well that only shot for two months, and now you've got a big ten month free calendar again. And that's why you are organizing a holiday to Russia. He was asked whether he met with Putin when he was in Russia, and he just said, I got to meet a lot of people, and he said, and you know what, they want to
be friendly with the United States. Wouldn't it be nice if we actually got along with somebody. And to that, I say, sir, the Gold War. You need to be more aware of history. Yeah, I don't think he has much context for that. Like, I don't think he understood. He was like, what's everyone's problem with Russia anyway? And look,
I don't have a problem with like Russians. No, but I think that probably in the last say, two three years, Russia has done some questionable things, such as the invasion of Ukraine, and someone ought to tell Trump or else he's going to stage another Miss Universe there with his friend Putin. I think he thinks Putin is his first name. I agree, And there has been tensions between the US and Russia for decades now. He's quite profound, Yeah, quite
profound speaking of media. During a March two thousand and six appearance on the View with his daughter Ivanka, Donald Trump was asked how he would react if Playboy would ever feature Ivanka's picture on its cover. Weird question, and he said, question, I don't think she'd do that inside the magazine.
Although she very nice figure.
I've said that if Evanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her.
It's so weird. May that's a really odd thing to say. I think sometimes he does say something really weird. I don't know if he's aware that it's weird after it comes out of his mouth, Like, do you think that as he said it, he went no, I think I don't think I nailed that. I don't think that's what came out weird. Trump University. Trump University was a real estate training program that ran from two thousand and five to twenty ten. Was it a pyramid scheme? Because that
sounds like a Pyramids game? Is that just like an MLM Pyramids game situation? How dare you call it a pyramid schame? But it sounds pyramidy. It's a bait and switch scheme. Oh, it's different. It is more clearly fraudulent. It is also fraudulent and incredibly obvious leading. It didn't do what it said it was going to do. Okay, all right, So it was operated by the Trump Organization,
and in twenty eleven, after multiple investigations, it stopped its operations. Now, it was founded in two thousand and four by Donald Trump, and it offered courses in real estate, asset management, entrepreneurship, and wealth creation. Number one problem with Trump University was not a university by any definition of the word universe. Could you get like a diploma or a degree or not any It was not an accredited university or college.
It conducted three and five day seminars often called retreats, and it used high pressure tactics to sell them to its customers. Those just a business. Yes, it didn't offer college credit. It didn't grant degrees or grade its students. It has since been called a massive scam. Trump University was also the subject of two class action lawsuits, and they centered around the fact that the university defrauded its students by using misleading marketing practices and engaging in really
aggressive sales tactics. Trump claimed that students gave the courses ninety eight percent were favorable reviews, but when investigations spoke to former students, it turned out that employees of the university, which wasn't a university, pressured students to give favorable reviews and then told them they had to fill out those forms to get their graduation certificates. See, that's one of the tricks they teach it Trump. Yeah, it's called how
to be a trick Star. It's yeah, and number one is don't give them their fake degree until they've said you're good at it. Yeah. Yeah, honestly, switch it was just practicing what it was. You know what it's like. It's not quite like this because it's more intense. But it's like when you get out of an uber and the uber driver gives you a really like deep stare and says, please give me five stars. Where were we the other nive that's right, and someone said their uber
driver canceled. Yeah, your Uber driver canceled and then called you and threatened you and said you need to cancel on me because I've been downgraded because of how often I canceled. It's like, that sounds like a whole lot
of your problem. That's very Trump University. He went to Trump University, and he was like, what I'm going to do is threaten you into not only saying you canceled, but also giving me a five star instruction for the Trump University program usually began with an introductory seminar in a rented space like a hotel ball and at that seminar, students were urged to sign up for additional classes, and they ranged from one thousand, four hundred and ninety five
dollars seminars to thirty five thousand dollars gold elite programs. Many students paid those fees for lessons from experts who were kind of marketed to be hand picked by Donald Trump, so he really used his whole apprentice persona to be like, you're going to hear from Richard Branson. Yeah, yeah, And Trump himself appeared in adverts boasting that the customers or
clients would make a million dollars in a year. Many never made any profits and struggled because they were in debt after maxing out their credit cards because they were sold to relentlessly to take those courses that weren't even actually anything to do with the universe. Did they consider, and this might be on them, but did they consider starting by getting a one million dollar load from that. Doub Actually great point, because thirty five thousand dollars for
a program isn't that much when you've got your meal. No, you've still got like nine hundred thousand at least you do?
You do?
Yeah? And so I think you've got Ellia Dent. Yeah, You've got a good point. What's the problem, so, Jess. In the end, after all the investigations and everyone went to court, Trump University ended up paying twenty five million, which was ninety percent of the costs that they had made from that entire operation. They're still more money, That's what I also don't understand the outreached people.
They know.
It's always like they've embezzled ten million dollars and it's like, I'm going to find you one point a And I'm like, I feel like this is a net positive. I'm like, should I be Jesse? Health beliefs. Trump says he has never consumed alcohol, smoked cigarettes. I'm actually quite impressed by this yeact when it comes to Trump. The man just likes a diet coke, and I'm like, look, we actually have a lot in common. Although is it Die Coker
is it a full strength coke? I feel like that says a lot about a pay Yeah, he allows to soft drink. Yeah. So he also says he's never used drugs. This is because he witnessed his brother Fred struggle with alcoholism and later die from it, which's very sad. He sleeps about four or five hours a night. I think that's not true. Isn't enough. I don't think that's true.
I think he read Kevin Rudd's autobiography, Yeah, where Kevin Rudd famously slept four to five hours a night, which made everyone think that he worked really hard with the rest of the hours, whereas I think you just spend four hours being shitty because you've not had enough sleep. Yeah. But the man, he's not got a busy schedule. He can sleep. Maybe he has four or five hours at night, and then he has sort of his nine am naps, similar to Luna. Luna does like a sort of a
ten to twelve, yeah, and then she does three to four. Actually, I think that great ups having those. I think he naps like a dog bler during the day. He put him in his sleepsack. You put on his white noise. He put a little dumb dumb in he as he naps, helps with the moods. Give him to some warm milk in a bottle. I did read that when he was in court he couldn't bring any food and drink, which similar to any toddler, you need your backpack has the snacks.
Yet the snacks it might be fruit, it might be rice cakes, some apple jee some apple juice. But for Trumpet's his twelve diet cokes which helped keep him alert, alert, and with it, he couldn't have them, and so he was sinking into his naps, probably his scheduled naps, and this court case is getting in the way of how his day would normally look. It's very difficult to stay awake. I'll being prosecuted. Then he just through something at the judge like it was a television and he's like, I'm bored.
I also think that for most people, the act of sitting in a courtroom on your own trial would be enough adrenaline to keep you awake. But for trump he's like, no, I'm really going to need those twelve dis He's like, this is the biggest work day I've ever had, is sitting in this Do people do this every day? Sit in a room. Wait, you may not turn up today and tomorrow and maybe even the next day in the morning.
This is punishment enough without the sentence. Jesse. He has called golfing his primary form of exercise, but usually does not walk the Courtay, and we need to discuss this because we used to work at golf. Yeah yeah, and men there's men thought that they were so special to go and do their like eighteen holes up. Nothing against golf. Nothing against golf. If you're in a cart and you start drinking, he's kind of kit at seven am. He's
not exercise, man, it's not. You're just driving around drunk and then swinging a stick, swinging a stick which badly, which I will say might be great for the social life, might be great for your well be Yeah, yeah, is it exercise? Not the exercise parts meant to be the walking up and down the fairway. And you just know he sits in the clubhouse afterwards and has a diet
coke because he's had four on the course. But he's he's twelve in And it used to be my job to be on the drinks cart and I would come along with some snacks and some drinks and I know I'd stop and I'd go Trump, because everyone on the golf course looked exactly like Trump. Yeah, there was a man who w was suspenders. I feel like Trump could wear suspenders while he's playing golf. Donald, do you want
anything from the drinks cart? Yes, and then he says something like lovely lady, and touch me on the and then he looks through and he opens up the one side that has sandwiches and he slams that because he's pissed off about the sandwiches and the salads. And he goes to the other side where there's chocolates and there's chips, and he goes, oh, they're having some of these, and
he takes it out from the handful. You know someone's rich when they go I'm just gonna get and they take out like six chocolate bars and chips and you're like, whoall just checking? It is nineot fifteen. That's really aggressive. And I know you had to bake him and make roll at the halfway house, I saw you and then open the other thing. He doesn't drink, but he does want a morning decocause, like what and he'd grab one of those. I think he'd grab a few light bottles
because drink light water. Yeah, faundration or thirsty this morning. Absolutely just Donald Trump considers exercise a waste of energy because he believes the body is like a battery with a finite amount of energy, which is still to really respect by. I think he's onto somebody. In a book called Trump revealed, two Washington Post journalists write more about
this battery theory of exercise. They're right, I can't talk about battery theory as though this is a legitimate theory, just as a person not want to exercise and start saying I'm built like a battery. But even batteries are recharged. After college, after Trump mostly gave up his personal athletic interests, he came to view time spent playing sports as time wasted. Trump believed the body is like a battery with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted, so he
didn't work out. When he learned that John O'Donnell, one of his top casino executives, was training for an Ironman triathlon, he admonished him, you are going to die young because of this. Then in twenty fifteen, there was a New York Times profile where Trump said he was not following any special diet or exercise regimen for his political campaign. All my friends who work out all the time, they're going for nee replacements, hip replacements. They're a disaster, he said.
I'm just in my golf cart ERTs himself fully. By standing in front of an audience for an hour, that's exercise. Well it's not, technically it's not. Though. In twenty fifteen, his campaign released a letter from his longtime personal physician, Harold Bornstein, stating that Trump would be the healthiest individual ever elected to the president. Harry Bornstein the same as John who called that paper to say that he was pretty sure Donald Trump was a billionaire. No, because Bornstein
is real. Because Then three years later, in twenty eighteen, he said Trump had dictated the contents of the letter and that three of Trump's agents had seized his medical records in a February twenty seventeen raid on the doctor's office. In twenty sixteen, while campaigning, Trump said, I actually have low blood pressure. Can you believe it? Can you believe it? I have ultimate flex have like one hundred over something.
The doctor said, man, you have the blood pressure of a great, great athlete who is twenty years old one hundred and ten. I like that because I like being a great athlete. Can you call yourself a great athlete when you have a theory of exercise that involves not exercising because you don't want to run out your battery? Politics and the campaign. Donald Trump registered as a Republican in nineteen eighty seven, Then in nineteen ninety nine he became a member of the Independence Party, which is a
New York State affiliate of the Reform Party. In two thousand and one, he was a Democrat, oh then a Republican in two thousand and nine. Then he was unaffiliated in twenty eleven and a Republican in twenty twelve. In nineteen eighty eight, Trump contacted someone in politics asking to be considered as Republican nominee George HW. Bush's running mate.
Bush found the request strange and unbelievable. He actually ran in the California and Michigan primaries for Non Nation as the Reform Party candidate for the two thousand presidential election, but withdrew from the race. In twenty eleven, he considered running against Barack Obama, then he announced he would not run. His presidential ambitions were and I quote generally not taken
seriously at the time. All that's so sad. Then he runs in twenty sixteen and Jesse, I just want to chat about a couple of the things we've definitely forgotten about the campaign, and I'm not going to list them all. He was a chample, he was a shambles. From twenty fifteen. He talked about building the Great Wall on the southern border with Mexico and getting Mexico to pay for it. Yeah.
I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me.
Believe me, Jesse, Why would Mexico pay for it? Well, you go to Mexico. I mean, he's one of the great negotiators. You've seen him on The Apprentice. He would knock on Mexico and he would say, hey, we want to lock you out, and they'd say why, and he'd say, well, because you're all I think he's called them all rapists and murterers. I don't think he's ever met a Mexican person before. But he's like, because you're all criminals, and it's like, okay, all right, we won't come and we
would like to build a wall. Wall that feels aggressive, that feels very the Berlin Wall. He says, what's a Berlin wall? And then they say it feels very Northern Ireland. They have a big and he says, what's a Northern Island. Yes, and he's confused. It's hard because it wasn't any contact. Yeah, and he says, as I see it, there's an immigration issue and that will be solved by a wall. And then somebody says what about planes, and he says pause because he says the wall will be high enough to
keep the blame bel Oh wow, true. And then as he's walking away, he says for it, saying what you're paying for it? It's very like your neighbour coming over with an annoying request and then saying like we're building a new fence. Yeah, and also we want to go halves and it's like, but I don't want the but I don't want the fence. I don't have the money
I want that. That always confused me, like, yes, absolutely bizarre to suggest a war, which he called the Great War, which it's like Great Wall of China, but that's nothing to do with immigration. Like he's just so confused the fact he wanted them to pay for it. Yeah, I don't know how he was planning on sort of invoicing for that Mexico just to their email on a Monday. He wouldn't have done it. But it's like to Mexico from Donald for eight billion dollars. Line item one time,
great wall, who's building it? We'll get to the wall. Okay, well, actually I can't remember if I've got this in my notes. Oh no, I do the next part, which is about what he did during his presidency. Who was meant to build it? So he started building? Oh I didn't know that, but it only got built like a tiny bit. Yeah, ran out of time. Well, got distracted. Okay, this is a dumb question, but like how big a wall are we talking? Because it sounded like he imagined it to
be like building a pool fence. Yes, like you know what we should do. We should build a fence, yeah, for safety or whatever. And you're like, yeah, great, well we can do that in a week, and you know it always blows out a bit or it took three weeks. How that's actually an art of the deal. He talks about overestimating the time ah of a project. How long would this wall have been? So the wall was gonna have to be three thousand, one hundred and forty five kilometers.
Now you can't picture that. I can't picture that. No context. Yeah, the length of Australia from the north, like far North Queens Far North, Yeah, to the south tip of Tasmania is three eight hundred and sixty kilometers or actually not far off. So essentially this wall would have been somewhere in the ballpark of the entire length of Australia. It's a big project. It's a big project from a man
with a not a big man. And also it would have to be thirty thousand feet tall at least forty thousand feet tall, because it doesn't want the planes coming in now exactly. And then you've got to figure out the invoicing. Yes, a logistical nightmare. How do you invoice the people on the other side of the wall? Do you think about it? No? No, I got it. There's a letter box. There is a letter box. Okay, so you just you Okay, so you've got a letter box.
But what if the people start trying to climb through the word No, no, no, I wasn't thinking that. I was thinking you put your invoice through, which is like monogrammed and stuff, and you're like Donald one time's wall three billion dollars. You put it through. What if they just ignore it? What then? And you say, you knock on the wall and you give them a notice. Yeah, and you say, no, mom over, you're invoice. What the plan you threaten will tear it, will tear it down.
If you don't pay for it, we'll tear it down. And they're like, please do we didn't want wall, Like, I don't know how you it's a really bad plan and no one called it out enough. There's so many other things going on. Yeah, that's the thing. Speaking of other things, the grab them by the pussy footage, I.
Got to use some ticktock just in case they don't kissing her. You know, I'm automatically attracted the beautiful. I just don't kissing them. It's like a magnet. And when you're a start, they let you do it. You can do anything whatever you want, grab them by the pussy.
That was ft. So that Access Hollywood tape that was from eleven years earlier. It came out and then it was all about the locker room talk and blah blah blah, like it's disgusting, it's appalling. Grab him by the pussy doesn't even make sense. I doesn't. He can't grab someone by the pussy anymore. No, then you can grab them. You can have some grabben by the mouth like it's not something you do grab them by. See even a year has more bits And okay, here's the other thing.
So it was eleven years earlier and he was on the set for See maybe this is why he couldn't go rogue on The Apprentice because don't makes sense? Yeah, no, exactly exactly. And I imagine that there was a whole lot of stuff like that said behind the scenes of The Apprentice that all those tapes have. Just this was eleven years earlier. He was in business, mogul era. Why was he on set of Days of Our Lives? Oh, that's actually the question, isn't it, Yah, because that's where
it was filmed. Jath. What is the behavior of an unemployed man? That is the behavior of a man, Bragg And I'm again nothing to do at midday on Tuesday. And when we get in trouble. We all know what it's like when we are underemployed and they don't go well, I'll tell you what. We drink too much diet coke under employed, which we are. We're wandering often, we're wandering
into watching days of our lives at home. Yes, but he's like and you know when you're watching TV and the sun's out and you're like, oh, he doesn't feel good for the soul. We were at school and you'd go doctor phil oprah ready said he cook, I want to cry because it was such a depressing evolution into the afternoon. It was. It was Jesse. I forgot about when Milania gave a speech that was nearly identical to
Michelle Obamas. So remember, Milania did next to nothing, and I mean, we could do a whole episode on Millania and fake Millania, et cetera, et cetera. But she then did give a speech in twenty sixteen and literally there are entire chunks I love it that were identical to Michelle Obamas. Okay, I would never say this about a woman, but is Milania hear me out chat GPT? Is Milania? Yes?
Just Ai absolutely, And so they programmed into her make presidential wife speech and she was like, absolutely, I'm going to draw on the wealth of information that precedes me. I've accidentally spat out Michelle Obama's speech. You can't blame me because I am bot. I am bot, and I did as bot. Jesse. Remember when people got mad about Trump and all his problematic behavior, so he tweeted this, So many politically correct fools in our country. We have to all get back to work and stop wasting time
and energy on nonsense. Yes, this was August eighth, twenty fifteen, Jesse, turn thirty. Go to bed. Who needs to stop wasting time? Who needs to stop wasting time? And is it you?
Mate?
Yeah? Because people are simply saying the president, your candidate is cooked, and you are saying, oh, all this political correctness, it's political correctness. We'll have to just get back to work. Here's a question, Donald Trump, before you were the president, what was your job? What was your job on your LinkedIn come on, other than tycoon, which is not a job. Trump said things like this, and you reference this just earlier, Jesse.
When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you, They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime. Their rapists and some are assumer good people.
He calls he touched it. He couched it. Yeah, yeah, but he did call them rapists. Yeah. So then he tweeted this to kind of make up for it. Do you think it made up for it? Yes, I'm happy hashtag Sinco de Mayo, the best paco bowls and made in Trump Tower grill. I love Hispanics. Wow. Jersey described the picture. Okay, he's looking really stoked to be eating a taco bowl. He's got like a real dollop of
sour cream. I love some sour cream. There's some cheese sprinkled, and he is holding his thumb up and he's just saying, I like Mexican food made by white people. I like Mexican food. I'm going to build a wall. But you can tell you can leave your food if you want any rights. No, but that doesn't mean I won't eat you. I don't like a taco. I'm not racist. I like a taco. Donald Trump also, he didn't understand what he
was doing at any point. He did something really bizarre when he said he hoped Russia could find Hillary Clinton's deleted emails. He said, I will tell you this Russia. If you're listening, I hope you're able to find the thirty thousand emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. It drew criticism because he was inviting Russia to hack them. He was very much inviting Russia to hack Hillary Clinton. His friend Pooty.
His friend Pooty. Hey, poot we hung out kill misunderstood at miss Universe. Can you help she's annoying me? Come on, Pooty. Clinton campaign advisor Jake Sullivan said this has to be the first time that a major presidential candidate has actively encouraged a foreign power to conduct espionage against his political opponent. Trump just takes a bow. That wasn't a compliment, Jesse. Yeah,
that is all we've got time for. And in part two, we're going to go through all the things that you forgot he did during his presidency and it's going to be a sad time and that is when we will do our charges and sentences correct. But Claire, speaking of lazy boys, I have a lazy girl story to round out today's show to leave our listeners with. This one is from Gemma and she hasn't even said I have a lazy girl story. She's just written lazy girl one word,
just as like next. I work in a hospital, and before I started this job, I needed to check on all my vaccinations. I knew I had about eight different vaccinations a few years ago, but being a lazy girl, I didn't take note of which ones or file any of the documents after I needed them. And where is that information? Dorn? Because I never know. So instead of trying to find out what I'd already had, I just told my doctor I didn't have any of them, and I got all of them. Again, I've done that. Ps.
I do not condone you. I'm so true. I would love to know where my vaccination thinks. Because a doctor. This is what happens. You sit down with your doctor. Your doctor goes, have you had what's the I got bitten by dog?
Ones?
Yeah? Have you had your technist? And I look at my doctor and I go, have I had my technants? And they say the problem with you is that you go to lots of different doctors. I'm not your only doctor. And I say, I thought you had a record. Yeah, because I never opted out and I never opted in. There has to be a record somewhere jab me, but if not, feel free to better. It's not her. On the side of caution. Yeah, and to be over jabbed. I'm she's a health professional, she says, not a good idea,
but lazy, lazy girl. We will be back next week. Bye bye,