With Virgin Money, you can feed your wanderlust with epic travel perks. So you get extra for your money. And you can boost your balance with cashback and savings. So you get extra for your money. You can even enjoy rewards from across the Virgin family. So you get extra for your money. That's right. With Virgin Money, you get more for your money. Add extra to ordinary. Search Virgin Money.
Backed by the current account switch service, UK 18 plus terms apply. Virgin Money is a trading name of Clydesdale Bank PLC. With Asana, you can manage any kind of work. from project intake to campaign management to strategic planning or anything else your team works on. Asana works for you. Try for free today at asana.com.
Get ready for the most anticipated F1 season in years. And see every race live. It's lights out and away we go. See if Lewis will be reborn in red. Can Lando land the big one? Max make it five out of five. The new season starts 16th of March. See every race live for just 15 pounds extra a month. Only on Sky Sports F1. Offer ends 26th of March. Sky TV required. See sky.com for details. Further terms apply.
You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. We all have different ways of feeling and managing anxiety. For me, my anxiety shows up in irritability. And generally, I just want it to go away. I'm not alone. A lot of us think of anxiety as something to fix or work to get rid of.
But in his 2024 talk, clinical psychologist David Rosmarin asks us to consider the positive role anxiety can play in our lives. Instead of being our worst enemy, he shares actionable ways we can turn anxiety into a... trusted ally. That's right. It's coming up. So I vividly remember my first anxiety attack. It's kind of like I feel right now. Is it hot in here? It's hot in here. This wave of fear crashed over me, and...
My heart started to pound. My breathing got ahead of me and out of control. My face felt hot. It's hot in here, right? Yeah, it's hot. And I got doused in this really uncomfortable cold sweat. It was a life-changing moment because I made a decision right there and then to dedicate my career to ridding our world of this feeling anxiety. So that was more than two decades ago. Work in progress. I became a clinical psychologist. I became a professor. I started an anxiety treatment center.
And then I realized at some point along the way that eradicating anxiety from our lives would not be beneficial. Sometimes anxiety interferes with your life. That's clinical anxiety. And yes, you do want to get rid of that clinical anxiety with the help of a professional. But other times, many times, it's uncomfortable, it's uncontrollable. Did I mention it's hot in here?
It's intense, but that's a good thing. It's a good thing. Many of the greatest leaders in human history, certainly in recent history, they were forged in... in a cauldron of anxiety. Once early in his career, Sir Winston Churchill, he froze for three full minutes in the House of Commons giving a speech. He fought against his phobia, faced his fears head on.
and he went on to become one of the greatest orators of the 20th century. In the 1990s, after a box office flop, Oprah Winfrey, she turned to food to drown out her feelings. to suppress her emotions. She ended up feeling emotionally numb for six weeks. And during that period of great anxiety, she learned the importance of letting go of her expectations for success.
and she went on to become a media icon. And speaking of icons, the first time Taylor Swift sang the national anthem at a football game, she felt paralyzed with fear. What she learned is to share her feelings with others. Listen to her lyrics. Many of them speak about her own anxiety. And now, well, apparently she can shake it off.
Anxiety is an emotion like any other emotion, and it can do so much good for you. It can increase your resilience. It can strengthen your relationships. It can help you to let go. When I first met Nicole, she had hypochondriasis, which is clinical health anxiety. Despite numerous MRIs to the contrary, she was convinced that she had an aneurysm. Nicole's biggest fear was that her anxiety would spike, her brain would explode and she would drop dead, which would not be good.
Nicole started to withdraw from daily activities, and she recognized rightfully that she needed professional help, so she came in. Nicole overcame her obsessions with exposure therapy. She faced her fears. She embraced them head on in order to build resilience. She read stories about aneurysms. She watched videos about aneurysms. She went to a local neurology ward. Nicole overcame...
her obsessions. And she graduated from therapy. I was so happy and so proud of her. And then, a couple years later, the phone rang. Nicole tells me she's pregnant with a baby boy, but the doctors told her that he would probably die because an ultrasound revealed that he had an aneurysm. Now, given Nicole's history,
I thought she would fall apart. But she didn't. She didn't. The baby needed life-saving surgery shortly after birth. And Nicole, understandably and very appropriately, was very anxious during the surgery. as the doctors operate it. But she stuck with it. And so did he. Today he is a healthy, thriving little boy. And also really cute, by the way. A really cute kid.
And Nicole, she is a super resilient mom because she faced anxiety. You are a lot more like Nicole than you think. There have been many times in your life where you too embraced anxiety, when you embraced the discomfort. when you persevered, although you felt panicky and worried. And you've done this because deep in your heart, you know that you cannot get rid of all of your anxiety and it will always be uncomfortable. And that's why pushing against it.
creates mental muscle tone which you need to crest over life's hurdles with grace. It can be difficult to love someone who has anxiety. And it's probably even more hard, more difficult to receive it. But, but, deep human connection, deep emotional connections between people requires vulnerability. So anxiety can be used to create intimacy. Think about it. In your own life, who are the people who you feel closest to?
Usually, it's those who you've opened up to about your anxiety in some way. I myself, this is going to be hard, but I'll try, I'm terrified of failure. I'm terrified of professional failure. And I struggle with vulnerability. In some ways, this propelled me and fueled my drive for professional success, but it created... distance in my relationships. When I first met my wonderful, wonderful wife Miri, I put up a wall and I didn't speak enough about my feelings.
And I submerged my anxiety by focusing on my work, right? Pretty classic, right? You don't need to be a psychotherapist to figure that one out. Of course, the feelings didn't go away. We all have this like chef in the back of our emotional kitchen. Well, my chef cooked up these entrees of edginess, right? Side orders of criticism. and a whole bunch of other dishes that I'm not going to speak about in public. But Miri thankfully stuck with me.
And more importantly, she consistently showed me that she would never judge me if I failed. Eventually, I got the message. It took a while. But that unconditional love that I received allowed me...
To take the plunge, drop my guard, lower my defenses, and identify what I was afraid of and to share it with her. I think it's the hardest thing I ever did my whole life. Definitely harder than... anything in the professional realm but there's nothing more worthwhile than taking our anxiety and turning it into love losing control is utterly terrifying It's terrifying. It's happened to everyone. But, but, as long as you have a heads up, as long as you expect it, and
you're a willing participant, doesn't it feel good to let go? You don't need to be a thrill seeker to appreciate this. Adrenaline. A shot of it comes with pure joy, followed by this blissful tranquility, like, wow. And perhaps for that reason, even in this age of unprecedented, incredible anxiety, Action and adventure movies, they make up more than 50% of box office sales, and the most profitable genre of film is horror. It's funny. Now, life isn't a movie.
So it's very good to shape the world in accordance with your vision on a daily basis. It's very important that we do that. But once in a while, it's a human need to take a seat. And go for a ride on the roller coaster of life to let go. Doing so keeps your ego in check. Some people view this surrender. in spiritual terms, the serenity prayer, very commonly used to cope with anxiety. And it famously states, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Now, when you're ready, not before you're ready, please, but when you're ready, affirming the limits of your control, it brings inner peace. Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have it. And it's not going away. Here are four steps that you can use to turn anxiety into your ally, not your enemy. But...
Please, if anxiety interferes with your life, if it's clinical, don't just rely on this approach. Get the professional help you need. If we have an agreement on that, then I'll tell you the four steps. Okay, step number one, identify. Many times when you feel anxious, you squelch the sensations and push them out of your mind before you've even processed what you're worried about. Stop!
Take a minute and ask yourself, what am I truly afraid of? Like, what really is at the bottom of my fear? If you don't know the answer, that's fine. Go for a walk and don't come back until you have an answer. Step two, share. Speak about your anxiety with a friend, with a neighbor, with a coworker, with a stranger. I'm serious. If you're not ready for a conversation, that's fine. Text it. If it's more than a couple lines, sure. Email, press send. Take the plunge. Be vulnerable. Step three.
embrace. When you feel anxious. Not if. You will. You will feel anxious. And when it happens, don't fight it. Don't squelch it. Let it happen. Let it ride. Let it ride. In fact, do things that make you uncomfortable intentionally, repeatedly, as long as they're safe. That's how we build. emotional resilience. And finally, my favorite four, let go. Let go. Think back to step number one. What are you truly afraid of? And then when you're ready,
humbly admit, even for a moment, that you are not in full control of that outcome. It's scary to even think about, but it's not a bad thing. Firstly, sometimes challenges are a blessing in disguise. But even Either way, enjoy not being responsible for everything under the sun. Okay, should I try the four steps? Yeah, I'll give it a shot. Identify.
The hardest part about this talk was speaking about my anxiety in public. I was afraid you would judge me. It's really quiet in here. Did you judge me? That made me really anxious. Okay, so I'm revealing this to you now because, well, we've spent like 10 minutes together, and I've grown to like you. So I want more of an emotional connection here, and I hope it's mutual. Okay? Thanks.
Three, embrace. Okay, do you know what it's like to stand on this red dot and to speak about like all your issues in public? It's like diving off a cliff. Especially, remember that part about my emotional kitchen? Like, that was really vulnerable for me. And let go. So I'm sending this message about anxiety off into the universe.
I hope that it will land on the hearts, minds, and souls of a broader audience, but really there's nothing I can do about that anymore. And that's okay. That's okay. So... Please join me. What are the four steps? Let's say them together so we remember. Identify. Share. Embrace. Let go. Thank you very much. That was David Rosmarin at TEDxNashville in 2024. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out more at TED.com slash curationguidelines.
And that's it for today's show. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Green, Lucy Little, Alejandra Salazar, and Tonsika Sarmanivon. It was mixed by Christopher Fasey-Bogan. Additional support from Emma Taubner and Daniela Ballarezzo. I'm Elise Hugh. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening.
Hello, this is Jessie and Lenny from Table Manners and we are currently sponsored by Moon Pig. Mum, what day is coming up that everyone should mark in their diaries? It's Mother's Day, of course, darling, on the 30th of March. Correct. And what is your tip for a great Mother's Day card?
Make something personal this year. Put as much love into it as you would if you were cooking your favourite meal for your mum. I love that. With Moonpig you can add photos, videos, stickers and even your own handwriting to the cards you create. The cards look amazing and they're so easy to do. Order your Mother's Day card today on MoonPig.com. MoonPig.com. You're really building that business, Josh.
That's because you chose to bank with virgin money, earning cash back on your supplies, turning expenses into rewards on everything from Sanders to skip hire. He came, he sawed, he conquered. You're enjoying life, as you always have. Maybe more. You've found your passions, your people, your place. Then it starts. You become too old for things, or they become too young for you. You shouldn't do that or be there. This isn't part of aging.
It's ageism. Everyone deserves to age without limits. Let's make it a reality. Ageism. Notice it. Challenge it. Change it. Search age without limits.