Date, Break-up, Repeat - The Single Girl Insanity

Can somebody, anybody, please tell me how to play the hand you're dealt, in the relationship game of life? I can't even count the number of incidences that had me on the perpetual date, break-up, and make-up merry-go-round. I nearly pulled every strand of hair from my head, and if you know me that's already very little hair. Ultimately, all I wanted to do was look up to the sky and scream, "God, that's enough already!" What kind of luck could I have possibly had to keep repeating the same relationship disasters for the last 20-years? I suppose the answer to all these questions can be summed up to a condition I like to call CSI (Children of Israel Syndrome). Yes sir, round that same mountain, like the earth rotating around the sun. All while happily singing the Micky D's theme song, "Bah dah dah dah da, I'm lovin' it!" Sidebar: In case you think that God has you on some lifetime, naughty list, no friend, it's you (just like me) that's stuck on the slow-bus, taking forever to catch the hint.