I am Eva Oh, and this is The Tea King Podcast. I have been a dominatrix since 2011, and I would like to spill the tea on my life. Thank you for listening. What is a dominatrix? Now it may sound like a simple premise coming from me, a dominatrix since 2011, but... I recently met these people at this sort of sexuality event and they were somewhat clueless. And they made the very sweet suggestion to maybe talk about some more basic stuff, seemingly basic to me.
on the podcast. And I realized that I can get a little high level. This is my podcast after all, and I have to do things that entertain me. And that's often stuff that is challenging. So therefore, the topics can be a little bit much sometimes. But I'm going to try to wheel it back. I think it's a good, wonderful suggestion by those very kind people. Get back to the basics. What is a dominatrix? I am a dominatrix. Somebody else?
Could have been a dominatrix. That is very different to me. But let's get to the maybe definition, perhaps. Let's start there. So a dominatrix, according to my definition, we could look at dictionary, but no, this is my podcast. A dominatrix, according to me, is somebody... who is paid to enact the role of the dominant within a defined period of time. And in this time, fetishes may be addressed, desires around kinks and power dynamics may be addressed.
And ultimately, I believe that it's a piece of private theater that engages erotic desire in order. To get the paycheck. And the result that is most desired by all parties present. And what this can look like is an hour. A few days, maybe an annual contract, where the dominatrix is almost choreographing. Oh yes, choreographing. An exchange between the client and themselves. An exchange of power. We call it power exchange.
And why do we use the word exchange? Now we're starting to go into territory that maybe is going to get a little bit too highbrow. So maybe keep it, keep it, keep it a little together, Eva. all right keep it to the definition so what happens in this time what happens in this time so sometimes people will come to you before the session and request that they're particularly interested in a type of material. They would like to see you maybe wearing latex.
they would like to maybe have certain parts of themselves played with, whether that's maybe being entered anally or whether that's maybe having a certain kind of impact or... pain or torture, all negotiated, on a certain part of their bodies, maybe off in the groin area, maybe the nipples. And...
People come to you with a little bit of an understanding or a lot of understanding of the things that they might be interested in because of something that was maybe, that came to them when they were very young or something that they sort of discovered on the internet. And they have a curiosity or they have a drive that they really need to satiate. They want to do that in a professional environment for many reasons. Maybe they cannot access that.
in their day to day, maybe they want to compartmentalize it, maybe they want the best possible experience of that. And so there is the function of the job that will exist as a result of these desires, supply and demand. Oh, I really want to get into some high-level stuff here. Keep it simple. So we've talked about what the job is, how that sort of opens up into the session.
Maybe let's talk about what happens in the session. So I've heard what their desires are. They've sent the emails. Maybe we've done a call. However, they've sent a deposit. We arrange where to meet. They give me the cash up front. And we begin the dance. I might tell them to take off their clothes. I might tell them to be in a certain position, in a certain way, in a certain place in the space.
I might start to put them into certain pieces of dungeon furniture. I might start to use certain implements according to the things that we have discussed. There is a safe word in place during all of this. Often it'll be one to slow down and one to stop entirely. And it will happen for the duration of time. And hopefully out of this comes an emotive and fulfilling experience for the client. So that they turn into a repeat one.
And so that it's an enjoyable process for everybody involved. Do I think that I have the technicalities down so that I can start going into the good stuff? I feel like, yes, maybe we should talk about venues. This can happen anywhere. Sometimes it can be something that will happen in a play space such as this, if you're watching on video. You will see me having pointed to my dungeon chair. To my torture chair. And it might happen in a hotel room. It might happen in a more...
threatening play space than my cozy little domestic abode. It might happen at a cafe where it's about maybe them and chastity. whilst you're eating. Maybe they're not even. Maybe it's just about being with a dominatrix for a little period of time and feeling that sense that they can relinquish control.
Sometimes you meet people who want to sort of push, and they don't necessarily want to relinquish control, and they're going to try to see whether they can antagonize you to the point where you might break. We call those often brats. But often that can also just be a part of the dynamic that they're sort of seeking and they will want to break at some point anyway. Yeah.
I've avoided talking about so many off topics, but I think I'm doing fairly well. So we've given you a bit of an understanding of what the function of the job is. Yeah, we've shown you where maybe you could be doing this job. We've kind of taken you through the process of when people are approaching you and how you sort of turn that into. a time together. I'm not going to maybe go into the art of turning that into a time together too much, because I want to talk more about what.
is a dominatrix. So you've heard about kind of the job, right? But I think the interesting thing to me about the job... and learning about what it is, like me, myself, learning about what a dominatrix is, is the definition of power. and how it arises and how it is communicated. Couldn't help myself, could I?
Yes, okay, I did a little explanation of what the job is. If that's to your liking, feel free to move on. But I have the feeling that this is going to turn into maybe a little mini-series on power. Maybe I'll do like a little however many parts series on what being a dominatrix has taught me about power. Maybe we'll go over some... general ideas and see how they might evolve in some later episodes, perhaps. But what being a dominatrix has taught me about what a dominatrix is...
My God, so many things. But essentially, I find it absolutely intriguing as to why power... exists as it does in the structures of our society. And the fact that we have the role of a paid dominatrix, I think is a byproduct of the fact that... a powerful or dominant woman is fetishized because she isn't given space in the world. I think that's been one of the biggest interesting takeaways for me.
in my experience as a dominatrix and it's a direct lived experience also because before i came to this space i was forever trying to figure out how to I knew that I didn't want to give up what I wanted. And I knew that I knew what I wanted from a moment, from a trajectory, from a person, from a situation. But I always felt that I had to do it in a clandestine way.
prior to this job that I had to sort of make people convince themselves that my idea was actually their idea. Because the fact that I wanted something directly and that I was willing and interested in asking for that didn't... didn't have space, basically. People would use words like scary and bossy, etc., etc. And so I learned a way of operating that was absolutely exhausting for me.
but that was what I thought was necessary. But once I stepped into this space of being paid and validated for my personality, I gave myself more space to integrate that into my... daily life and realized that there was just a lack of compatibility in those situations. And then I needed to walk away from the ones that didn't really align with me.
within compromise and reason that we sometimes need to negotiate in daily life. And I think that's been one of the more interesting learnings about... where women are situated in society and the results of that, including the... the paid role of the dominatrix. But then we talk about money, right? I'm not going to turn this into a big, long episode. We're going to break this up later. I'm telling myself. But then we have the money and then we want to talk about...
Who has the money? Do they have the power? At what point do they have that power? And I have been in touch with people who have extreme amounts of money. And they are able to enact a certain force in the world and get the things that they want from it. But they also completely lack other abilities in order to... get what they want out of the world. So how do we see money and power and how does that affect those individuals and myself? And when I receive that, am I still in a position of power?
That's also its whole episode. So we have a two-part series to follow, at least. Yeah. Or maybe it should be three. Maybe it could be... Something about how when women are not given a place in the world, part one, this manifestation of the dominatrix emerges and we can turn it into something that we can earn money out of.
But then what is the power that money has? And within this exchange, this transaction, who loses the power? Who gains it? How have I seen that sort of happen? And three, what the fuck even is power? Maybe it's a perception. And how do we potentially play with that? Oh, yum. Brainstorming. So you've got your basic definition of what is a dominatrix. And when I have the headspace, maybe we will explore those three topics in its own little mini series. So.
Thank you for listening. Speak to you in the miniseries when I get to it.