297. Thrill of The Chase with Neil Delamere - podcast episode cover

297. Thrill of The Chase with Neil Delamere

Dec 18, 20241 hr 4 min
--:--
--:--
Download Metacast podcast app
Listen to this episode in Metacast mobile app
Don't just listen to podcasts. Learn from them with transcripts, summaries, and chapters for every episode. Skim, search, and bookmark insights. Learn more

Episode description

Sippers! This week I'm joined by comedian Neil Delamere.


Tickets for Tea With Me Live in the SSE here - ⁠https://www.ssearenabelfast.com/whats-on/tea-with-me-2025⁠


Join Patreon to support the podcast and get bonus content including The Roast of Willy T and all episodes of LazyBoyz - https://www.patreon.com/teawithmepodcast

Tea With Me 'Holywood Blend' available to buy here - ⁠⁠⁠https://suki-tea.com/products/holywood-blend⁠⁠⁠


Tickets for Shane here - ⁠⁠https://www.shanetoddcomedy.com/⁠⁠


Tickets for Neil here - https://www.neildelamere.com/gigs

EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ ⁠⁠⁠https://nordvpn.com/teawithme⁠⁠⁠ Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!

Get 20% off and free shipping at - ⁠⁠https://uk.manscaped.com/⁠⁠ when you use the code TEAWITHME 



Instagram - Shane - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/shanetoddcomedy/⁠⁠⁠ One L Studios - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/one_l_studios/

Transcript

Zippers, welcome to this episode of the Tea With Me podcast. With me, she and Todd. I'm so keen to get into this episode, but before we do that, let me tell you about our patreonpatreon.com says Tea with Me podcast. It's blowing up over there. The teas coming out of our ears

and our horses. I say that then okaypatreon.com slash to me podcast everything is on there, all the extra content loads of it and presale tickets for the likes of the SSE Arena SSE with me to me. We're going back to the arena baby big show big guess, big surprises SSE arena on the 23rd 3rd of May May is right down 23rd of May 2025 Patreon pre sale public tickets will be out now right now and the link for

that is in the description. But if you just want to Google SSET with me arena or the other way right, just eat googles. That's what you stick them in. You'll get it. OK? We are sponsored by none other than Manscape, the number one in men's below the belt grooming. I'm not messing around with this week's episode. They are not messing around when it comes to your pube and general body health for men. These guys absolutely love it. Name a product, name a part of you that grows hair.

They've got something for it. Manscape. They're like, you know, like that boppa game and not bop, but you know that like the wee moles whack a mole manscaped or whack a mole for your body Here they see a little bit of hair growing somewhere in your butt. Zip.

They've got a product for that. You could literally sit if you're someone who grows hair fast, you could sit with all the manscape products and you could just play human whack a mole with your body Here you see her anywhere, whether it's your deck, your balls, eh, what are other things? Your ears. You'd use the weed whacker for your ear, your nose, you'd use the the things like the chairman pro. These get a lot of guys in this game are semi pro manscape to the professionals.

Use the code tea with me for 20% off and free shipping. manscaped.com. The link for thatisinthedescriptionshit.comedy.com. You want to come see my America show should be on sale by now I think. I hope they are. My guest this week is none other than one of the sharpest comedians in Ireland. This guy has been killing it for a long, long time and he continues to go from strength to strength. One of the sharpest writers. You might have seen him on the Blame Game. You've seen him do stand up.

You've seen him on panel shows, quiz shows, which we're going to talk about. He just killed him on the chase. But he's just a fantastic stand up and a dream podcast guest because we could have done five hours in this episode. Please enjoy this episode of the Tea With Me podcast with my guest. And I've only had him on Zoom before, so now it's the Flash version of Neil Delamere. Neil, your car is outside. You're allowed an hour of park and we're going to record for but not.

Yeah, yeah. Is there a better feeling than when you go back to your car and there's no tech? Yeah. Oh man, You just feel like you've gotten your life back. One over on the man. I'm not particularly rebellious person and I don't know who the man is, but I've got one over on him. You have a fair. It's essentially free money, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I did it this morning. I was on Q radio this morning with our friend Andrew Ryan and left the corner loading Bay straight back and I knew, I knew they haven't got me. But it makes you, it gives you a false confidence that you could, you could go too far with that. You know, you could be like, I've never tried heroin, but I think I'd be alright. What a jump that is from code slightly over in a loading bed to, you know, this gag. I mean, Skag is next for me.

Surely there's some steps you've just blown. Gateway drug, basically you've just legalised cannabis. That's what you've done there. It's because everybody always goes. Cannabis is the gateway drug to Skype. Chris is actually. But it's loading base. It's loading. It's slightly over here. I was going to train spotting 4 needs to be lads like opening scene is a it's a lad just strung out all together and then the back story is then just gone. I'll be fine.

Yeah, we're like a Chinko Cento. Member Chinko, CentOS. I do remember, yeah, of course. I remember a Volkswagen Polo, which is a tiny car, but that says. Yeah, where? Where my dad lived, where I grew up, and when you drove in, there was always a polo and it was like a dark green. And the guy who must have cleaned it like every week, it was spotless. And I remember thinking if I could have that car at some

point in my life I don't have. And I think some point I'll get it. I. Sometimes I think that about things in my childhood and I go everything will be alright if I get buy something from my child. That's why I buy all football tops. I go because it's nostalgic and I go that's something I wanted as a child and that will solve anything. And has worries. And has that Volkswagen Polo solves the massive black hole in your heart? Well, haven't bought it yet, so I think, oh, OK, it will.

I think. You think everything, Yeah, like the Crohn's disease I have is irreversible? Not if I buy that polo, it's not. I'd imagine that. It'll be fine that. Polo at this stage with a gearbox is irreversible. So cheap, it'll be so cheap neither. Yeah, it would. I am. My dad is a tiny car. There's a lot to be said for a tiny car. And my dad's an older man. So you get to a point where and they older people, in my experience, go, I don't need a big car anymore.

I want a smaller car. Yeah. And it makes complete sense for him. And I got, I've got a lovely insert. I'd forgotten what getting your car service is like outside of a city. So when I go into Dublin, I go, can I have a car while you're servicing my car? Because I might have to go somewhere. I'm on tour, whatever. And they go and it's all some guy going, yeah, give us your insurance details, give us your cover, give us all that sort of stuff.

You know, we're going to have to ring your insurance company. We're going to switch it over for the day, gives you credit card details. I got my dad's car service and awfully where I'm from, right? And I walked in and I said, can I have a car while you're servicing my dad's car? And the man didn't look at me. He didn't ask me my name and he didn't ask me for a driver's licence. He reached behind. He was doing a crossword.

He reached behind them. He grabbed the random set of keys from a hook, hoofed him at me and said see what they start and not to just press, but it could have been it could have been a transit, it could have been a disability scooter a. Corvette. A Corvette. I don't know if you've been to tell them more, but it wasn't going to be a Corvette, but imagine if you drop it could have been someone else's car that had been dropped in for a

service. I think this is a this is a South of the border laid back style which I experienced when I went. I did the Cork tour show recently but yeah, put in them something. I need a city centre car park. Go in the one and it and it's just off the river. Yeah. You give them your key and the guy just puts it on a hook. And then when you go back you get yeah. And I said, I said, if you don't mind me asking, I was like, why do you need my keys? He goes, I'll have to move it at

some point. So they they, they will just put it in a different place. This won't happen. Like, we won't give it up here. No. Like on the side of the. You think that's just for that? You stolen so many cars from people from Belfast. Somewhat it's like an older model they gave me back, so I don't know. Imagine if you give you back to Volkswagen Polo from your youth. I would love that. Imagine if when you drive in the scan, not just your car but your memories. It's just an AI imaging.

Have you ever bought anything from what you wanted when you were growing up? For me it's football tops. Is it so? What football do you have? Like you. So you're too young for 1982? Sort of, yeah. 1986 too young for. That I was born idiot, right? So it's all mid 90s, early mid 90s. I'm thinking Northern Ireland Subs OK, so mid OK, So what the United. Tops anything like I have a like the collect, I have a ridiculous collection. I have a 1980 and this is across

the divide. I have a 1982 replica, yes, won two eh of the awfully jersey that we last won the eh all Ireland in. So I mean, that's just retro stuff is just kind of cool. Doesn't. Yeah, it's a beautiful jersey. I didn't know how much you were into the GA until we did Kilkenny Festival. Yeah. It was the big gala show. Yeah. And you just, like, ran from a game. Yeah. So. You should have been a rapping shirt. I didn't know if you were playing it like this. Why, thank you.

I'm clearly in great Nick. OK, let me explain this. So when you start off doing comedy, you go, I want to do this cake and that giggle, that cake. And John Cleary, who people will know has a brilliant observation and that it starts off well, do that cake. If I do 10 minutes there, then maybe they'll give me 10 minutes

and then I can do 50 minutes. And after a while doing it, John goes, if I go on early, I could be back in the car for yeah, the shop opens until midnight and I could be listening to 1980s classics on his drive home. It's like, so there's an element of you, you put company in its place. So, umm, I'm, I'm, I'm not that into GA, but I feel I don't rage level start doing well. And they don't do that well that often because it's a small county.

Umm. And so when we did Kay Kennedy together, so 10 years ago, 15 years ago, I've gone give me all the gigs. They gave me four or five gigs, and I'm like, can I do them all on Monday? And they said yes. And I said OK. And then I rang them because we got to the final, which was in Kilkenny. Yeah. So I did the first one in Langton's and did 10 minutes in Langton's and then ran across the road, took off my top and put on an awfully jersey. So I'd like to.

Very Irish Superman, yeah. Like the worst, we're a phone box for Christ's sake and and put on an awfully judge and went in and watched the the young lads, the the under 20s with the all Ireland and then ran and did four more gigs. Physically run. Physically run, yeah, because. The gig we did was in the middle of nowhere, like it was right out of the time. In a Mart, Yeah, it's actually a Mars, Yeah, and normally you can smell. Yeah, yeah. No, it was genuinely in a

cattle. Yeah, yeah, which is kind of bizarre, but yeah. And it's a couple of like those gigs can run over and not normally. Sometimes you're like, come on, come on, come on. I'm not shit. Was just one of the other. Knock yourself out. You want to do 25 minutes? Look at this. Do you know what, Neil? Your man after my own heart because I also I can't drink instant coffee. Can you know? It needs to be a we. Thank you, Tony. Thank you very much, Tony. It needs to be like a proper me.

It really coffee. Yeah, because I'm not a big coffee guy, but I need like I would have to have an American from a machine. Yeah. You know, as opposed to like a person. I don't drink people coffees. I don't think people coffees I like. I like it like AI type coffee. Really, you don't want any sort of human interaction. No, no, no, no, no. This is selecting you're in, yeah. Sippers, let me take a quick 2nd to tell you that we are sponsored by our friends at Nord VPN. What's a VPN chain?

It's a virtual private network. I don't need any. What do you call? I don't need messages on screen down. You turn that screen off. I am passionate about Nord VPN. Listen, say you're in Starbucks or any coffee place. First of all, you should be in a tea tea shop. But if you're not, you go there you go, they go. Do you want to use our network or Wi-Fi? Well, you can, but hackers and pirates are going to steal your online. You're on the high seas of online privacy there.

When you have Nord VPN, which is what you, you do, You download the app, you put Nord VPN on your phone, but you go, Oh well, what about my iPod? And I first of all, you have an iPod, you fucking weirdo. Now they go, what about my iPod and my wife's phone? And you won account 10 devices. You are secured, your data is protected. And also here's the coolest thing about it. You can be anywhere in the world and tell your phone or your device, hey, I'm actually in this part of the world.

And they'll go, well, great. Here's all the content you can access in this part of the world. If you are from Boris Ansari down South real place and you want to watch RTE player because you want to watch what you show on TV, What's it show on TV down South? Two Johnnies, the two Johnnies you could be in Cambodia and Cambodia Wi-Fi is going no, no, we don't have that. But but but no VPN. There we go.

You're watching the two Johnnies lock in machine thought episode where I'm doing stand up on it. It's a great time. Plus we have two free months for four months for free on A2 year plan. Yeah, that's actually right. Go to nordvpn.com and use the code slash T with me. nordvpn.com/T with me. That's nordvpn.com/T with me.

The link is in the description. Back to the episode, this is the eh, the second time you've been on the plug you did is we did a Zoom pod and so it's all hard to keep track of what you did during that time and what you were and. Yeah, it's really, really weird. I mean, when we talked first, I just put my first SSE ever on, and mainly because a lot of you guys are donor and it seemed like. But I did because, umm, I was covered. Yeah. Wherever he's going. A bit mad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I want, I want something to look forward to. Yeah. It's the same reason I did. I did fit families. Ireland's fits families, right? Celebrity fits families. Yeah. And umm, I did it because I'd never normally do it. I said I'd have to train for that. Yeah. So I don't know if I told you the story. No, no, no. So. Would you say did you have a like were you someone who up at that point? We did you run? A bit of training, yeah, a bit of stuff, yeah, but nothing kind of major.

So, so basically this show is normally you have a kind of a nuclear family and it's, you know, mum and dad used to have to be within the family. And then the kind of celeb version is very loosely termined. And you can you can have anybody right, that you're related to. So you go on and you do kind of an assault courses for charity, whatever and them. So my secret weapon was going to

be a Claire hurler. So he's my cousin, but he's senior hurler for Claire. So you're talking kind of nearly professional levels of athleticism, like an absolute beast. The joke I was said to him is, is resting heartbeat is 24 beats a day. So like on the hour, every hour, you can't tell if it's a heartbeat or Netflix is just doing on television, right? So he's a beast. Like you have to get a diesel Fitbit. So we messed with him and he saw

a week before it happens. He rings me because I can't do it. I'm after smashing my knee up. You're on club hurling training. So with the week's notice, we've got my other cousin Rosie. Now Rosie is related to me, eh? Tall blonde freckle girl from Tipperary Rosie's. Related Christie Mercer. There's a beast at a sponsor hill Tall Tipperary took my heart away getting a Ford Cortina drives a fail in Tipperary.

Very popular song You're a Christie were aficionado a lot of. People know those those. Minor hits yeah you know when he when he gets really grumpy and only plays those ones. And so with a week's notice like she's with six two. She played semi pro basketball in Australia. But Rosie's my cousin in much the same way that Barack Obama is from county. Awfully. I mean if you can connect us genetically. Well done.

Yeah yeah, yeah. So we go in the RTA show and I was I was hyped up and the first thing to do is say to you is is please introduce the team. And I went, I'm here. This is my brother-in-law James. This is my niece Emily and I looked for you forgot her name. I could not remember her name. And I was like, Christ. And she knew. And then she also knew that she'd have to go with whatever name I gave her for and I I was like Latoya Shaniqua. I've been watching these videos, like four of these.

All different ethnicities. She's name and I was like, oh God, what am I going to do? So umm, yeah, it was my crackdown and we went up against those two guys. You know those two happy pair fellas. Yeah, yeah. So they were in the fight. They're always in the water. What? They're always in the water. They're always up, yeah. And I just look at a. Whole dip and stuff, yeah. Yeah, you're like, you just don't want to get up against those guys. But they don't have that meat

strength. No, they don't. They're. Vegans. Proteins and none of that. Sirloin strength, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The Angel just injected meat trend. So they were, they were. You want to see them, so the first thing. I'd say they're nippy. They are very nippy and they're off doing fucking hand stands in the corner and all that site. Should they get up at 6:00 in the morning, have a wank in the sea? That's like, you know what I mean? You can't, you can't compete

with those lads. So they were like you want to see them first thing we have to go through the bog, the way to the bog and these lads are just like, it's just like you're home with Steven. It's like, it's like granola and they just flew through it because I'm from the Midlands. I'm trying to harvest the bog and turn it into forgets and set up a small power station. It's it's, it's more I'm like, don't you like the sunrise to get your sunrise be. Awful. The wank in the sea.

What do you mean it would be? So. You're from surely? Surely. Never wanked in the sea as well as I'm. I'm circumcised. You can't. You can't just as and when. Can you not? So you leave, so you won't? You don't mind that loading me at any point but you? I never said I wanked in the loading, no. No, I was going towards a load joke. Well fine, you interrupt, it's fine. So. So you've never you've never looked at a ferry and cracked one, looked at piano. I just kind of, I wish I was

there. Go to the match. No. So you did. Like go back to this night so. Did they start and the happy Paraguay start? And sounds like a fight, by the way, just. And they did they go first? Did they go first? Yeah, I think so. They were very good. So we were just like, just don't go out first. There's four teams, just don't go for OK, and so stem it was umm, as somebody went oh, a model, eh, eh, growing your gallon.

I was in Miss Ireland and I was like, Oh God, Oh, you know what does she might please make it be like walk it. I didn't I didn't tell me the name to say the model. I was like, please, that'd be like walk in baths that you models. Yeah, stair lifts or something like that. One of those older lady models. I was like hoping for because otherwise models can be really fit, you know, and her family were really fit and then she made Quinn and the comedian and her family as well.

So it was great bit of crack have to. Say, how did you get on personally? Eh, I got hung a good but think about a bog because I don't know this training and weighted restaurant on us. Bog is down to how tall you are actually right. So Rosie was great because because a bug. Because if you're tall, you're right of it. Yeah, what a bog might be to you if you're 62, might be to your knee, yeah. But if it's.

If you're done weight or don't you need to die doing Yeah, I need to. I need to be the films you see in the last 10 years. It's like, you know, AB Avatar, you know, he's actually scanned in. He died or 10/10/12 years ago. He's in a bargain whistle. It's bizarre, yeah, but it's weird because they don't train for that. Did you continue treat like that level? Not that level maybe, but you know, that's something like you probably do the training for that. Yeah, intense.

And you say to yourself like. Well, I've been just fit for. I'll keep. I'll keep doing this. Yeah, I did a bit now I kind of did bits and pieces and stuff. Eh, there's nothing like the prospects of getting embarrassed on national television. Yeah. Really make you train. Yeah. But at one point we have to get over a log in in the middle of the bog and I get up onto the log and then, eh, you're like, I just felt. I just.

Rosie just grabs me that because she's both stand behind me and she has no patience because she proper sportsperson grabs me and who's me? I don't know if you've ever gotten a wedgie on national television, but what you don't expect to feel is relief, which is like thanks a million for that. Like proper full arm. Yeah, hoofs over log. So she was absolutely brilliant. But how fit would you have to be to somebody says 6 days notice. You want to go on national television to do fitness

challenge. You must be fairly. You must have that national athletes confidence in your own ability. Team, I'm the sort of guy who watches Ninja Warrior and goes. You haven't even had a wanker to see. I'm not. Like Beard How? Do some people not even, you know, the people, the guys who fall off into the water early? I'm like these guys, but I know for a fact I wouldn't get past that first. But. Yeah, where they're running down and yeah.

And can you hold your own weight and, and all this stuff with your wrists and. I think I'd be what do you what have you heard about to be fair? To be fair, right now, maybe. Working in the sea could be part. Of your. Programme. My wrist. Yeah, of Jesus Christ, I have a. Permanently desiccated wrist. I broke my wrist falling off a bike and that bone is just stayed out. There's nothing they can do. I'm so I'm from the Midlands,

which is flat. Yeah. If you were in our if you were an awfully, that would be the highest point. An awfully your broken wrist. Keep a wrist like a tobler on what's going on. I know How'd you break it. I fell off my bike when I was too old to be like falling off a bike. And I mean a bicycle. And did you get treated in the 19th century? There was not like they genuinely put a cast on and then and then after a month or whatever, they took the cast off and I went, what next?

And they went. You just have that, no? That's you don't. Yeah. And then I just get it. Look, Bill's cargo, my knuckle. Just get a knuckle. A lot of my bones are just popping out, like, yeah. Every bone of my body cracks. Sounds like an open fire. Yeah, it does. I used, I used to have a joke that it's a he get up in the morning, sounds like an open fire. So like you get up and there's a cracking and hissing and then a log falls. You just get to a certain point.

We're just now I remember seeing, you know your man, and there's a guy in the front of the guy, Jamie Lannister from Gamers. Yeah. Oh yeah. Handsome dude? Yes, I met a dude. Did you? And, well, Danish course, isn't he it? Was really nice. I met him, we're filming some for BBC and he was walking past when they were just all living in Belfast and I asked him for a selfie and he was very, very pleasant. So we always pay our debts.

Yeah. I remember seeing him in the front of some magazine and he was saying, like, once you get to, I think he said 35, maybe he said 40, because all I do is mobility work. And I was like, oh, fair enough. And then you get to that age and you go, oh, I can understand that. Functional. I know what I should do. I when I go to the gym, I just

start working out, right? But I see the guy stretching for 20 minutes and go. I should do that, yeah, but I just can't bring myself to do. I made a mistake the first time I ever went to sit for proper kind of commercial gym. This guy's like, what do you want to do? And I said, well, he's happy. Paraguay. Yeah. He's quite intimidating. And he goes, what sort of stuff do you do? And I was like, I did do lots of stuff and you guys watch out for

your breakfast. I was like eggs, you know, when they go through all your like, is it well? Macros. Yeah, macro. But what sort of eggs is it like? Yeah, like poached eggs, because the protein can degrade and all. You're like the wee Harry Bones. Yeah, Kinder, Kinder Buenos. I made the toy, though. And then he goes, what would you like to do? And I said, this is about 10 years ago. I'd love to do chin UPS. Yeah, I love to bang out some chin UPS, you know.

And he goes, OK, we can start now. And he, we went out and he put, you know, those resistance bands. Yes. Right. Not like the wolf tones, but like a prep like that's. I thought he was just going to have three guys out in their 80s just is this going to help me do the chin up? It's just going to become you black and turns that power on is really affecting my rhythm, trying to get my chin over a bar. Followed up, the wolf tones do look like strong old school.

Gym guys, they, they have no stretching. They have meets. They have made strength Yeah, they have they have spat in their hands in a disused garage yeah and lifted a chink or gentle off the ground yeah, but no, a proper was just like a green resistance band and he put me in this thing yeah and like it's so really there's a guy beside me doing waited chin UPS Yeah. With stuff attached to him and you're. And the gym had. I'll never forget this had a

crash right. And at the height, so you're you're wrapped, he wraps around you like and you're sitting in the sort of thing or your knees in it and it helps you and you're up like this. And I looked across and I could see into the I could see into the gym crash. And there was a child attached to one of those bouncer things. Yeah. Attached to a doorframe. The two of us are essentially in the same get up. Yeah. And he's just laughing at me. God, you know, it was my choice. Yeah.

Just like that. So the fact. That the man put you in it as well. Yeah. It's like, help you in. Yeah, yeah. Because you don't. That's vulnerable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's kind of it's nice to not be able to do something and then eventually be able to do something. Chin up, chin UPS, you lose. So fast, Oh my God. Yeah, like you get into the rhythm of it, you bang them out, you stop for a month, Yeah, you've got to go from square 1 again. Oh, you're tired or like that?

I'd like to learn how to do a muscle up. A muscle up me and Tony during. Was it during COVID? No, just before we just went to the gym to do muscles like that was our sole focus was to just do muscle. And does your wrist allow each? Weirdly, it'll that's what allows me to do it helps the rest. Like something happened. It's like a superpower. I need to, I need to fuck. I need a. Shite superpower. I fall off a bike every day trying. To do this. What a terrible Avengers Assemble.

Just, you know, the way everybody goes to go with the bow and arrows. Muck. Yeah, I'd like to point of order. I'd like to join please. Desiccated resma. No, it doesn't look good. How can you do? Did you get to muscle UPS? Yeah, we got we, we, we're not going to muscle UPS yet. Really. Yeah. How many could you do? I'm just very impressed by that too. Yeah, and a one on pull up was a big focus. For a while now. Is that what? Is that OK? Is that a war?

Leave it. You'll do that, but you won't wank it to see. So are you talking about holding? Hold on to your wrist. Holding on to your wrist, yeah. See guys that do callisthenics, I think that's so impressive. Yeah, I'd like to do more of that that, but it's hard to not chase that. Go on down to what you know you want to go down the weight on the machine because it's like, it's like a victory lap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the actual stuff you should.

That's ego, isn't it? Yeah, Yeah, I think so. I knew a guy who was, who was about 100 kilos and he was, he was an Olympic weight lifter and he was just in ribbons though. And he was only, yeah, in late 20s and he was absolutely in ribbons. And then he lost. I think he does Iron Man's now and he's probably, he's probably low. He might be 83 or 84 kilos, but he can move now and he is functional.

Yes. And you know, so he's like now I can pick up my kids and whereas he, you know, so before he could, I don't know, trolls child over a course of a mile, but like that's no use to you. I also frowned upon. My my cracking woke my son up. I was trying to like my 2 year old putting him to bed recently and sneak out of his room. Yeah and when I got up my knee cracked so badly it startled him. So now I have to like WD40 on my

joints. I don't know if I've mentioned this on the when we did the Zoom podcast, but everyone forgets everything that happened on those imports. The first time I ever laid eyes on the Delamere. OK, do you remember this story? You when you lived in my hedge, when you were homeless for a period, when you went straight from parking a loading bed to heroin and I helped you out. I was at the back gate of black stuff, BBC black stuff.

I'd say this was a two seasons in the blame game time maybe kind of when this would have been and we were filming a schedule for BBC and I and I heard a car yeah and I was trying to like argue. I was like, no, where I'm in the show, we're filming today. Yeah, security guy wasn't having we. Still have that, yeah. Then he just sees, he just sees a car. I hear the car. He just hits a button. Go on and get like a made man's coming. You had a an Audi TT? Yeah. And you drove it in. Yeah.

And I just went wow. Did that replace the Volkswagen? It wasn't as good as the polo but I but I just remember being like class. The first time I ever went to BBC Northern Ireland, I had, I had been going to RTA. Now, the security approach is different in RTA, which is an open campus, and not in Belfast. Yeah. So you would just drive up on a fellow wave at you. The first time I drove to BBC Belfast, you know, there's a big security guest. Oh, yeah.

And a lot of fellas in security a lot of the time have probably been in the military previously. You know, that's way to put it. That's I would like to put. This the unofficial military. I didn't say anything about a Fisher or not. I mean, sometimes they had their own uniform, sometimes they had berets and sunglasses. I love those berries. And sexy. Well, I always think those like this, those distant marches, look French to hear. I always think they look French to hear.

And then Irish from there. Yeah. Not the Berry. Like, you can clearly tell, like, one guy was desperate to get them all into it. Yeah. He's like, no, this is tradition, you know? And then once a couple of the boys did it, he's like, thank God. Yeah. Yeah. I think he just picked up a box of something from a surplus stuff. Yeah. And he decided this is our look. Yeah, his berries aren't like hard, you know what I mean? Like it's not as tough.

Look, you have to. Look, that's what makes you tough. Yeah, you went. That's a man in a beret. Yeah, you could kill you. You have to look very tough. Yeah, my very good friend of mine and his cousin was in the French Foreign Legion, so he was hard as nails. And he, they got into a fight once, was he? Irish.

He was Irish yet and do you know those lads who are so confident that in a in a fight that if it's going to kick off that they're going to end this, that there's no bravado and they go quiet? Yeah. And he said it's the most chilling thing he's ever heard. Did he maybe like, oh, when you see guys like, take a jacket off and fold it perfectly, like they're like, yeah, like some guy. It was worse than that.

So this guy would go, he would automatically go into a room and he'd look for exit points, he'd look for stuff. He could use his weapons, right. So a fight happens in this pub, but my friend is Kieran and his cousin is sitting beside him and this guy had had a punch, this commanding officer apparently. But anyway, he so even for the French are legion. This guy was they think he's a rebel, right.

So a row starts off and he just and a guy starts to square up to man and all he does is say to my friend Karen. He goes get off that stool. That's all he says. That's all he says. And yeah, he'd already thought he was going to pick up the stool. Karen says what the maths which he goes, I would have picked up the stool. I would have broken off that guy because I think it would break at that point there.

And then I would have the frame would have still left and I would hit that guy with this bit like it was like John Wick ninja. I would love it if a transparent he was never in the Legion and. He worked, right? He executed that. Yeah, the Allen key is fly off and hit him in the cornea. Pull down the Billy bucket. We can use those cushions. Well distracted with meatballs. This will be over 5 minutes. We'll run out that way because the arrows on the floor, it's that direction he'll.

Never, he says. It's going to take two minutes to do it. It takes 2. And a half hours this bitch leftover. That's an amazing. I assume everyone. I would hate to find out someone just joined the French Foreign Legion because they just fancied it. There has to be like the back story. You want the sort of criminal. Back because that's the last resort. You go, you're on the wrong Yeah, you're the French Foreign Legion. They will take. You, no matter your background,

that's what you imagine. Because it was the movie than that found out Legion. Is that what it was called? John John Club on them? Yeah, about during the French foreign. Yeah, no, I know I haven't seen the film. You would love to see the film or you'd love to be in the French Foreign Legion I. Would love I think start by seeing the film, something I would enjoy. Yeah, I don't know if that's how they train for you, just you just watch films.

But you know that in the. Did you ever see that in the Anthony Anthony Joshua Ruiz is I think it's that documentary. So they have all these people about talking about the documentary about the fight coming up to it and then in the middle of the fight, in the middle of it as as Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, I like, I know, I know you played a boxer, but you're not a boxer. I think it was his. Maybe it was his production company, but. Right, right, right. Yeah, I know. You mean though?

Like, I mean, if if Torvill and Dean talk about Sarajevo in 1984, whatever. I don't want to say the two lads and blades of glory. Yeah, yeah. Oh well when we were pretending to be ice skaters and but I yeah, there does not appeal to, I don't know most fellas just the idea of the French foreign. I think the idea of being so Hardy that, eh, nearly anything you can handle nearly any sort of. Because I entered Tom, I felt which. I believe is the first rule is

not using words like. It's. Not the first giveaway that you're not tough. I was gonna have told this in the poll before, but I was gonna have a fight with my friend Marty whenever I was maybe 11 or something, OK? I was running a watch, right? And I'd watch way too much wrestling at the time. And he was older than me and good at fighting, right? But as I said, I've been watching a lot of WWE Raw. OK, so as he was walking over to me to fight, I laughed, took the watch off. Yeah.

Put it in my pocket. And then he beat the fuck. And I was like, the one I was taking the watch off. I was like, this guy's an idiot, you know? But he I bet a lot of my fight planning in my head, like your friend being like, get off the stool. Yeah, was based on him coming at me in a very, you know, with a clothesline. Yeah, yeah. I would then Doc bounce off something. Yeah, come back with a flying elbow. But he just pages punched me and then that was kind of it.

You know, when you're a kid is, is anybody who's ever been in fights? Yeah. So if you're if you're not a kid wins a fight. So, so I remember got picking around second primary school like, and the guy was a boxer. So even if you hit him, he's been hit. Yeah, where you get hit when you're 11, you go. Yeah, yeah. Why is he not stopping like my brother does?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, You know, eh. But so it's just a surprise of us, I. Think I'm like when everyone was watching wrestling first year in school eh? Secondary school we are. Looking for ropes to jump off? We're not. Quite much me and this guy. You know what? I challenge him to and I quit much and everyone in the class watched it. What's that? You just the first one to say I quit losers. So I'm A Celebrity. Get Me Out of here. Yeah. Pretty much I'm back with her. But put your, put your.

He he got me in like a chokehold 4 seconds and I was like, I quit. I shouldn't have called this much. I saw I regretted it so much. Writing an apology I. Just had like in my head I had some sort of leg lock on him and he screams it, you know? I quit, you know And then I walk away. All cool but there is always ends with me getting beat up so I stop calling people out. Fairness, I mean, yeah. I learned. I learned you. Want. Yeah, that's the good thing. Yeah. You've learned your lesson.

And you, you no longer pick rows. No, no, no. I no longer have a big gimmick to the match, you know? Yeah, I'm like some guy like once fight me in a night out. I'm like only if it's tables, ladders and chairs, you know, And then I just lose. Before we start to record down was talking about a clip you'd put out of North Tito visa Tito and I said save it for the Paul. Oh yeah. So is this from stand up or no?

No, I did. I did Tim Mcgarry's show and he was talking about his podcast and eh and somebody just talked about, somebody just talked about North North S Theatre and he said, I said that was better and he said not was better and that was it and that was it. And. It's kicking off. And it's it's kicking off because it's nice. That we get long for it to get political. Eh, it's it hasn't gotten, it hasn't gotten political yet, which is usually the thing.

I remember talking about a show on the blame, an article on the blame game. It was one of the great pleasures of reading any story about anything in the Belfast Telegraph was within three comments. We've become sectarian. Yeah, it would like it would be 3. Degrees of sectarian. Dublin Zoo. Yeah, it's Kevin Bacon. Catholic. Protestant. We know he's not Jewish or Muslim. His name's Kevin. Bacon and he's one of the pigs. He, he was, he was, he was in. I'd lost his thought, though.

Oh, it was an article of Penguins or something. I remember you. Just like Christ it was. I was like, don't start me in those phenions. And then it was like, they're not, they're clearly Protestants. They had that March, it was called March of the Penguins and they just kicked off and you're like Jesus Christ. And the thing, the last thing I've done that's gone crazy online probably was I was talking about saying nothing. Have you seen say nothing, say nothing is is the I was joking. Oh.

No, no replying. Not a good, but then I remembered it's an audio based podcast, so it probably the daily good. Yeah, still. Good. I'd like to apologise for getting so caught up in my own story. I love that. I love that. No, but, but I'm going to start every say weekend, I'm going to start. It's on.

It's on Disney. And so at the end end of every episode is a disclaimer about Jerry Adams and says Jerry Adams, like Jerry Adams regulate, but a central Bank of Ireland. No, it has it has Jerry Adams says he was never remember the IRA and all the rest, you know, and and the producers out of the end. It does say that at the end of every every episode. Directed show. But apparently, like the producers, they might as well go, we can catch it.

But anyway, it says that. And because for legal reasons, Jerry Adams denies ever been a member of the IRA and I've ever taken part of any sin italics IRA operations. But no, because it's on a streamer. Then of course, the next episode starts in 1097 and you go, they put his name very close to a timer and a countdown and it looks delivered. I'm sorry, but it looks deliberate put. So that kind of kicked off a little bit and then I put my, I put my video up of the chase.

I did the chase. Yeah, I want to talk about that. Yeah, yeah. Did Celebrity Chase and it sometimes you do the shows and you're you're 5050 guesses kind of don't go well. And you you look like, oh God, I didn't do well enough. And then sometimes you do them and you're 5050 chances go well and it went really well. So you'd look. You look. At Hot Streak. You look better than you might

not necessarily normally look. It's really important that and any of those was like Mastermind or eh or the chaser on like that is you get your first couple of questions and then you calm down. Whereas otherwise your adrenaline spikes and none of you've ever had this. I'm sure you've had a journey gig if it really kicks off, if your adrenaline spikes cut here. Yeah, yeah. They've actually proven this and things.

So. So say you missed your first two questions in Mastermind or whatever, then all you hear is you don't hear eh, Shane Todd is a well known eh comedian from which town in all or whatever. Yeah, well done one eh? And if you have gotten 3 questions before that wrong, all you hear is for yes, count you down and you're like and you almost have the guest there. Right, right, right. I mean, yeah, yeah. So put the the the count. The chase went really well. You know, do.

You are the nerves. Similar for stand up. Something like that. Like, no, I think because stand up. I mean, you can even joke about and there's quite There's enough time. If it goes wrong, it's not up. You can joke about it, there's enough time. The Chaser really enjoyed. And who was who was the chaser? Chaser was Dara Ennis, OK, so he was Irish and because you want to show, So it was me and Jamie Borthwick from EastEnders, Helen Lederer from Blackadder, eh?

Jasmine Harmon from Place in the Sun and then me and you're not as well known, eh and all in the UK. So Dara Ennis comes out and it was great because he had seen me and he kind of put all in contacts and he was really, really sweet. Umm, So I kind of got lucky there with the chaser. If I had been Paul Sinner, that would have been good as well, because obviously you know him from stand up and stuff. What's? Your what was your first question?

Do you remember? The first, any first question, the cash builder or can I tell you a little secret about the cash builder, please? This is true and so cash builder got 9 out of 10 right. The 10th question was something like Taylor. It was Taylor wimpy Bill bill swat or sell swat in the UK and I went I don't know a pass and it's it's houses. But if you don't live in England. Genuine. I was going to say burgers. I mean, it would have been a

guess that was the first. It's better than pass. Yeah. Well, wimpy, that's what I mean. Yeah, Yeah. So. But if you don't live in the UK and you haven't seen them around, actually my pass. And then so he says to me, don't put this. That was a clip. It needs context. And he says to me, don't nod. So probably watch cause did it, did it? Did it not build houses in Ireland? And I went, I went, I said, no, we all live underground.

We fear British invasion. Right then I thought, no, what he said was, do they not built houses in Ireland? And I got all, I had the wolf stones in my head gone and I got all chippy. And I know that's not what he meant at all. He's really lovely, really nice. And then for time and probably reputation, it didn't go out. But it's funny because in the moment. Yeah, yeah. That's good. It's all about intonation. Give me a quick give me a question if you remember. I'll give you a question.

Can I tell you, once I had seen an episode of the 20th Fact Check me on this. I had seen an episode of The Chase, Yeah, on ITV or whatever. And then we were at our friend Stevie's house about to go on a night out, and of course the boys were watching The Chase. Yeah, but it was on like UKTV or something. Yeah, it was the same episode. And I sat there like real month and just got every single one right. And the boys were like, he actually, he's wrong with him. Yeah, he's a genius.

And what sport can you score a daddy? 100 crickets. Yeah, I don't think, I think see all games see like Trivial Pursuit on a plane. Yeah, good at that. Yeah. But the idea that it's like live audience and stuff. Yeah. I think I would panic and get things wrong. Yeah. And you know. I think it's funny because if you do well and the people have texted me, tweeted me and said, oh, you could, oh, you should be a chaser. Oh, they're going to give you a job next.

The level that they're off. We're doing it all the time. Do they and they train, do they practise? That's what I was going to. Salutely. So is it just? Course, it looks like the disdain, the disdain that you have do. You know what I would for? Education read like you didn't even like. If you had said did they just learn facts or read lists I would have accepted that. But did they just read books? Ah, like drummer losers was a Paul Paul to like anyone who looks smart and had glasses,

he'd be like, kill them. Yeah, I'd be like, I'd be like Cambodia. Yeah, like whenever, like whenever dictators come in, they're like, burn all the books. Yeah, that'd be me. Yeah, don't want ideas. I don't want any ideas I think. Burn the scrolls. I think they do. I think it's, it's foot. I think now that will be boring unless you're into it. But I think that like there are certain questions that there's, there's, there's themes in those questions if you look at them enough.

Like if you were, if somebody said you have to be a chaser in six months, you'd learn every single capital city of every single country in the world. You'd learn who won the Oscars from, say, the 1960s onwards. Baku. Yep. You're welcome. That's this whole pod I've been about that. I know that's not a mainstream. One, this whole part has been a setup for one joke. Senegal. Senegal, Oh, Senegal. West Africa. Senegal. Do. You know. Yep, just from football.

Oh God I should know this. Give me the 1st letter. D Don't give me the 1st letter in the chest. Dhaka, Dhaka. Paris. Tucker rally of course goes there. Yeah, I should have gotten that. Yeah, well, you got an end. Yeah, but they give me a yeah. See, I can't do that. See, if I don't know the answer straight away, yeah, I'll never be able to. Dig What if I did all the letters of us? Yeah, I might know that, but you dug for that. You. Went over the back catalogue one, gives another one.

Go. I don't have a backup. You want to do a capital city? Yeah, go on. Estonia. Talent, yeah. Brazil. Brazil, yeah. Yeah, people always Australia, Canberra, yeah, they're two, they're two. You can get people like pretty quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he Sydney and. Sao Paulo, Yeah. And then you never speak. San Marino Vegos is it? I don't know. The answer that sounds I got is right. Is that right? It's just. The city of San Marino. Oh yeah. Where is Vadu's then?

I thought One of the smaller ones, yeah. I love man. Douglas Yeah. Where is Vadu's VADUZ? I'm trying to remember where it is. It's one of those small. I could be at Lafayette, no. And the Latvia is Riga. Yeah, lectures, times, That's it. Yeah, I like those weird places. Yeah. Those just be silly places. No, I know what you like. I mean, the pods clearly doing well. It's you've done Isle of Man and lecture Stein. Yeah, it's tax. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's an absolute tax shelter. Look sure to the Cayman Islands loves. Yeah, yeah. Totally unrelated. Give the same man same account as Jimmy Carter. Cars of my childhood, Volkswagen, Polo and Jimmy, yeah, I do think you could learn those lists. I did. And I think that they, oddly enough, really love that sort of stuff, you know? Yeah. And they love learning. And Paul loves learning about connections and stuff like this. And. And Dara is just Dara's just a really bright mouth.

Dara's. It was only just gave up a job recently was a neuroscientist studying studying fruit flies. And the reason he studied fruit flies is the genetics of fruit flies is you basically you can have your, your, your granddad can have a rake of grandchildren within like two or three months or something like this. You know, I mean, so very short reproduction cycle. So they can study all the genetics really quickly. Right, right. But are you ever like, are you ever learning new stuff about

that? I've never heard a man dismissing point. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Moving on. Boring. No idea. Yeah. Hey, worst gig ever. Apart from this one. You mean live gig? No dues. This whole podcast is going to be the word Contra Tom, which I'm proud and ashamed of and produce. And are they learning new things? I don't know. I suppose like I do like. Is there no losses of stuff we should leave? What? Is there not a load of stuff like?

That is irrelevant. Yeah, No, I understand. I think, I think the Greek God of XY and Z is irrelevant largely. But it's good in the quiz. But like, I much prefer to be able to hack into the northern bank and. I'd like to even animals and stuff like. Yeah, there's. Probably people still studying cars. For what? I mean, I would find that argument more persuasive had you not really been a proponent for meat strength earlier on in the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was.

I mean, if you picked aardvarks or something like that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, fuck those bastards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're. Oh, you think you're great with your own? With the front to the fucking dictionary? There's a time and place for learning. Yeah, it ends. It ends at university, right? And even even university on my council. What did you do in university? Did you you didn't know? No. What did you do when you left school? Chilled. Chilled. Yeah, Muscle OPS.

What age were you when you left school? 16. OK, sixteen. Yeah, OK. That's. Quite and then I went to college and loved it. OK, I did. Media moving image. Media moving image. I can see where you like films. OK, OK. Yeah, this is looking video. And we're moving setting up. Setting up tax shelters, Yeah. Where did you do? Where did you do? Belfast Metropolitan College. OK. I mean years was the course two. OK. Love you. 2 years for everybody. Yeah, Yeah, OK. No, they didn't. Two months.

I'm just, I kind of assumed it might have been a year. I loved college. Did you? Love the course where you were in two years. You're in the centre town watching films. Wearing your own clothes. Watch not that. What do you think university is that you turned up ago? Well, you've got enough points in your leaving centre area levels. Here's some other person's clothes that you have to wear. If I hadn't known you could wear your own clothes that you need to try it hard.

The other man over there in the corner, he'll make you put on a Berry. That's a different course. Ignore the sunglasses and the bear. Yeah, yeah. And you've. But that's kind of isn't that a good thing to have done then and gone into what you do now Because like I did, I was a software engineer and the only reason I did that is because my brother had done it right. So you do. You're leaving, Sir. You get points for your grades and you can I'm explaining for our international audience.

I'm sure you have listeners all over the world and San Marino, for example, Douglas, the other man. And show it to my content. They don't listen to this because there's no way Shane Todd is your written name when you're dealing with those. It's Mickey Bartlett. So you get enough points and then you kind of go to a college course. And I just, I just did. I literally did it because I knew I would get job. Yeah, my brother had already done it. Yeah. It was a placeholder, you know.

Yeah. So like yours was a placeholder result. Yeah, before you find this. But we're I'm weirdly Michael there was in my class. Really. Yeah. Wow. Because you know. What you what did you do when you left college then, eh? Didn't stand up part time like as a hobby and work in call centre. OK. What did you do when you left at the work and finance? Work in finance, yeah, but finance could be absolutely anything. It could be setting up, eh? Like numbered accounts for the assassination.

Money for men, if you know what I mean, around the estate. OK, right. That makes sense it. Could be that or it could be counter #4 please, it could be absolutely anything. So you're lending out communion money to, you know, loan shark like retail finance and recoveries and collections and that kind of stuff. Re recoveries and collections, now we have to find out where he's from because recoveries and collections could be a phone call or turning up like Ray Donovan and getting a baseball

bat, the boot of a car. You've got to be careful when you do that, what the car is. I think you can't if you're if you're collecting debts, yeah. You're taking a bat out of the back of a car. You can't take it out of a jinkle genital, No. Can you? Well, I think bat is bigger than or it's a big that. Even harder. Yeah, yeah, I don't need this guy doesn't need the big 4 by 4. Yeah.

You know, I think the ultimate flex would be if you turned up in a chinkle gento, open the boat, took a bat out of the boot, put the bat in the ground and batter somebody with the chinkle gento. Yeah, you. Just lift up the chinkle. Just. Hit somewhere. Smart car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Umm, you're doing eh, SSE again, Because when we talked loud, we did the Zoom podcast. You were going to do the SEC Yeah. And you've done how many Times Now? Eh, I think three years of time times.

Yes, can I say my in laws Yeah, the show they the stand up show they go see every year is Neil Elmer and oh wow. And then the next priority is. Me. Yeah, My show. They'll see you forever though, and they know you're good, so it's fine. That's a lovely way to look at. Yeah, they they want. And they say it like this, but they my. Family does them. They love, they love going to your Belfast shows and UMM and SSC is great. It is great. It's surprisingly great.

Yeah, yeah. From what it is because it's obviously its primary purposes in ice hockey stadium. But the first time I was in it before, before I think I did it, I was just looking at going. The sound is better than I expected and the lights are better because of the because of how healthy the scene is here and because all of you boys have done and what I was. Going to say, there's so much comedy in it now. There's probably a lot of these arenas and very rarely have stand up, yeah.

But these they have started every month now. Although a woman came to a gig the other day I was doing and eh, she's from West Belfast, was in Yuri and I said why are you here Because, well, I just go to the SSC. She goes, it's freezing when it's an ice hockey arena. I mean, there's it can't be a massive surprise. But yeah, it was. Yeah. Can't do much about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, it's great. And it's it's the size that is it's that perfect size of because I like talking the front row bit messing around and they don't really feel excluded in that, you know? Yeah, eh, whereas I think there's a size beyond that where like Dara Dara brain remember he was doing a run of, I don't know, he's doing 25 or 30 Victor streets once. And so why would you not just do three as he or three three arenas and he was. So no in the way you say 3 twice there.

I know, yeah. You'd I knew going into you didn't want to say that. No, I didn't want to say I should have said the point. Point depot. Yeah, yeah, I think that would have annoyed some people, but. And he went for what I do, messing around people. Yeah, it's too far, you know? Yeah. I like to mix it up. I think sometimes you do the big show, sometimes you do like a run of the smaller shows. Yeah. And you keep mixing it up. Yeah, I think that's a way to do.

And actually you're doing Millennium Forum and Derry do. We'll put the link to all the shows in the description of this. Millennium Forum. Greg is phenomenal because it's like the way that's set up. There's a lot of rooms like that that are maybe 2003 thousand sort of thing. This is like a miniature version of those. You've got like 1000 people in there. Yeah. And it's so they're so close. It's so intimate. It feels like, And I think Vicar St, maybe it has this too.

Yeah. It feels like there's a quarter of the amount of people that they really are. Yeah, the distance between you and the furthest person away, yeah, is not massive. Yeah. And that's that's a huge thing. And dairy is a lot. Lot of comedians find dairy like all in that they go well. I'm selling group in Belfast, Yeah, but when I go to Derry it's it's nowhere near the same. Yeah. When you keep going to Derry, I think, and showing love to the city, yeah, they love that back in return.

Yeah. So once you like, if you're playing the Forum regularly and doing their as part of your tour, I think it's always a great sign. Yeah, I mean, it's a smaller city and and I'm from a small place, much smaller than Derry. And there's an element of you were delighted that someone would come and see you because they don't necessarily have to see you. Definitely, particularly if they're huge act. So and Derry, very audience is brilliant as well. They're great. Absolutely.

I find the audience is North of Border, generally speaking. And because comedians tent because one of the great questions they always get asked is, is there a difference? And there's not a massive difference. I think we've we find a lot of the same surreal stuff very funny. What I do like about North of Border is that because for various obvious reasons, there's a slight darkness of the sense of humour here.

Yeah, of course comedians love that because we tend to have to accent she's humour because we've seen everything are heard heard jokes about everything I suppose so there's an element of that in Belfast and area and all around that is a little bit more like the comedian central overthink. Yeah, you know what I mean? But I. Just think it's a great time to be gagging around here and even the shows at a Dublin Cork and stuff. Yeah, audiences are just like, I'm not just sound not like

audiences are brilliant. I think there was a time where. You know what it is now. Exactly exactly. And they know how to have the best night and and just sit and enjoy the show. We also tend to think that everybody is familiar with stand up. Yeah, somebody who likes stand up might go to a gig a year. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. So like, why would you expect somebody who's brand new, who might know you from TikTok or might know you from this, might know you from something else? Yeah.

You can't expect them to know what it is necessarily. So we're a bit wrapped up in it's like when you do the Edmund Fringe, no one else cares. Yeah. Yeah. No one gives a shit that you're having a mental breakdown in Scotland in August. Yeah. I mean, no one cares. So sometimes you have to kind of step back. And remember a better stand up you did talking to the Fringe about being in Edinburgh. You did it in Edinburgh on one of the got the BBC gala type things.

Oh really? And it was talking about you were cycling home from the bar. Oh yeah. Police pulled over and you were beside your poster. Oh yeah, stand up. I mean, it's better when I don't when you don't give away the end. But I mean, if all stand up, I think, I think we should do a tour together. Have you seen a waste of my time doing an hour and a quarter? You should come on and just synopsize all the jokes. And it turned out it was a

teacher, not a student. Have you seen The 6th Sense, the movie about the kid who sees? Yeah, I have. Yeah. This is something you want to say? I see. I haven't seen the Titanic now. Is that sad in the end? Because it looks like it looks great. What angle you're looking at it from? Okay, Iceberger. Both. Yeah, okay. If you're a fan of big iceberg hits like that's a. YouTube couple. I mean, I love lettuce, Yeah. And also things that break off from a flow. Yeah, that that is true.

That is, I was I was buckled. Well, it wasn't that I wasn't out buckled. I was I was a little bit well on I was I was leaving the loft bar in the Gila blue and I cycled home and I broke a lice. I broke a couple of lights and the the blue lights came on behind me and then of course, had to chase me through two or three lights and because I was buckle, I was like Jesus, someone's in trouble. I was like, whoa, someone's really in trouble and I'm keep

going. And he pulled in front of me and it was a north bridge there and I'll never forget this. He goes, he says to me, yeah, do you normally do that? And I was like, what? And I fiddly diddly, diddly did up a bit, Yeah. Because I thought I might get away with this if I if I'm not from here. Yes. And he said to me, and would you would you cycle through a red light at home? And I went, no, no, no, no, I've, I've a car at all.

He didn't like that at all. And then he went and he said, I could have saved your life tonight because if you've gone through the next lights and were hit by a car and you could be dead, which is a good point. And of course, I said, I said to him, and you haven't stopped me. I'd probably be home by now and none of this is working out. And then he said, what's your name? And I just didn't want to, I just didn't want to be on a book somewhere.

And I said John Delahunty or Michael, I don't know. All I could think of there was Michael Stone. He would have been on the book. So yeah, yeah, yeah. I said Mike Ward or something like this. And he went, really? And I went, you know, absolutely. And he said, you know, you can't like, you can't like to a police officer anyway. No, it's absolutely Michael Ward. He goes because it says Neil Delimer on a poster behind your

head. And I had stopped in front of my own Edinburgh French Festival post. And, you know, in the early days there's none. You've only got 4 posters. Yeah, for a whole city. And I'd stopped in front of mine. I'm gonna get like that. So not only you stopped your own. He knows where you're going to be for the next 25 nights. He doesn't even have to get you tonight. He can wait. You've done 25 nights to know people and then turn up on the

final night and do you. And then he just laughed his head off because it was so inept. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I remember doing and doing that and I. Remember that stand up, but always I remember watching that. That yeah, that big. And then it was that I was at the end of it was like, you do it, never going. I was embarrassed. He was angry. The other people in the rickshaw furious and you just build it up and then you hit them.

But it's not always nice to do a little turn like that, A little weird turn at the end I. Like I like, yeah, I like Rick shows me and Dave Alley took one London go from McDonald's to the hotel. Who doesn't like a rickshaw? Brilliant. I think that should be your epitaph. The driver. Of I'm not killing you, but just if you have a Bulgaria Sofia. No, I thought epitaph was. Oh, Epitaph was the capital. I thought you just naming Wombles I. Don't know what epitaph. Epitaph spots written in your

gravestone. Pretty much, yeah. I think if you have an amazing life, I know it just goes electric, I think people will go. That's a fun. That sounds fun, guy. Yeah, a bit of fun. Yeah, that's a bit of fun, I think. I think it would just. I think people would really want to look up your story. Yeah. In years to come, if you were walking through a misty graveyard. Yeah. And it says rather than we lost him too soon, elect pictures. Yeah. I think people would go, yeah, there's a story.

Character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Umm, Neil, you're the whole What's the Turkle? I always call my tour stupid names, so my first, one of the ones early doors was The Fresh Prince of Delamere. Yeah, which I was very happy with. I wonder when you're saying that it triggers this thing where all the lights go off. It's OK, It's OK. We're good. Now which one is? This is this where we hey, this and this is the part of the podcast where we get intimate looks like.

So I had Fresh Prince Dell Amir last year was called Neil by mouse because I was talking and it was me. And this one is called Achilles Neil because I always run out with silly names, but it's called Achilles Neil. There will be no Greek mythology units, but it's about the mad stuff I've done this year or the interesting stuff, including me and Murphy doing High Road, Low Rd, which is an RT issue. Yeah, go on, go on and hold this together briefly, Neil. Clubbing. What?

Neil Clubbing. Deal. Or we're going through this. Yeah. That was on the reject, rejected list, along with sexual kneeling, which we thought was a step too far at Neil Desperandom. Yeah, Ian Neil. Yeah, it's harder than the looks. I mean, who turns up to a show called Ian Neil? And also my also my brother is called Ian. So it's just, you're just listing my family members. That's all it is. We'd look out into an MPSC.

There will be one person. It's a guy out there with a wonky, wonky wrist and nobody else. No honest family. They always come and see me. They've haunted me down, yeah. So come and see that show. And also. Neil Worm. Neil Worm like meal worm. OK, OK, yeah. Neil of approval. Yeah. Neil Hall, Someone you see Keel hold someone, it's punishment. You tied them to the bottom of a boat. Oh yeah. He had the idea, yeah. Push right off, right off, wanking in the sea.

The worst punishment? For me, I was about to start, and then the guy went tied to the bottom of a canoe. Ashes put me right off. And I also were talking about I got to be a zookeeper for a day in Dublin Zoo, which is amazing. That's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that part of the show? We'll put all the the link for that in the description of this episode. You know my in laws will be there. Yeah, brilliant. They'll be there.

Yeah, they're already going. I'm looking for and thanks very much for coming down. Absolutely. I appreciate it. Thanks, it was massive.

Transcript source: Provided by creator in RSS feed: download file
For the best experience, listen in Metacast app for iOS or Android