I like a great Uncle Bobby. He had no legs. Sure he didn't, or he had them but didn't work. That's a stark difference. Then he had no legs. I can't remember those songs. I can't remember Night Granny. Yeah. Granny Bobby. No, Granny had two legs. The boy have two legs. Yeah. You sure? No. Zippers, welcome to this episode of the Tea With Me podcast. With me, your we mate, she and Todd, before we get into this episode, I need to tell you
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fault. We sign off from the boys and you can get them as a little collectible or if you want to just drink them. They are great tea. We spent months tasting tea. We went as far as Belfast the test tea and this great product. This week's episode of the Team with me podcast is a much asked for episode. It is a Part 2 episode. You do one of those pods where you finish and go. There's so much more we need to
talk about. So we had to we had to run it back and we had to do it like a heavyweight boxing match that that was just a slope. This is the the the first Fury and Wilder of podcasts. My guests are none other than stand up comedian, actor and father Dave Elliot and my actual father, Dennis. He's back, he's back the pod superstar and and Dave Elliot, you know, he's pretend to be nervous and after doing the pod last time, getting all sorts offers. Will your dad come on this
podcast? Go on that one. Why? You'll be talking about offers. I think it was you, Don and Michael, when I was leaving, you said, am I on social media? And I said yeah, He says you're going to be tortured. I made a presumption that the ladies would be torture me wrong for something. Or maybe it's just shy. Were you getting? What sort of message are you getting people from the old days? Oh no, no new ones like a you getting #3 what? You getting Dick pics?
Not yet. Oh, is that the American bar? Yes. See a couple of guys and. Stand up beaming. Thanks for thanks for messaging me. It was 2 comedians. Chris Kenton You wouldn't see Mickey, didn't you? Yes, yes. And two times there was three girls there and look upon them as my groupies now, right? And you give them a shout out. Yes, because the body you coke didn't. Yes. Did you get a coke the second time as well? No. I offered to buy the set, No. No. So you've been on a podcast once
a day. A Coke or. Ah yeah yeah, been on a podcast once and he's off. He's buying rounds and nights out and treating their ladies. No, they they made the right decision. They said we're going to the Wall Garden and banger to see it. I said I'll get you then. It's the price of a drink at the Wall Garden. Right compare. I should have got it. Here's bring your own wall garden. That's that's, that's a player right there. I'll square you up with the wall garden. And smart. I was expect.
I was expecting a shirt. You're very. This is so comfortable. You are. You say you're nervous. You're in your arms here. I didn't. Know how to get doled up or just come like guess here some 2 minds. Did you get hurt? You can. You were trying to get an emergency haircut before you came on. Because it's not Coco. I didn't know it could be a blonder. Yeah, I didn't want to take a challenge. Remember we went to, we used to go to Gary's when it was down Shore Rd. Yeah, yeah.
And remember, do you remember there was a young guy cut my hair and he was really nervous. This guy was like his first time cutting her. I remember he cut my ear. Yeah, he like cut my ear and was blood pumping into my ear. And he just continued. To cut his defence is hard to miss. I mean, there's just you have to get behind it to cut the hair, you know, strapped back, didn't you? When he was younger, Yeah. No, then I mean your strapped back I mean.
Strapped, he said. He kept them when you were kidding. You just sell tape from the back here for the best. Servers let me take one minute of your time and interrupt this episode before we get back to to tell you this show is sponsored by our friends over A Better help something I always think about it there's load.
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This when I was a child, takes a lot more than just you watch that episode when you listen to Baker Street, you think going to be good at the saxophone. There's way more to it than that. And I wasn't prepared to put the work in to learn the saxophone. And sometimes, especially when we get older, I don't have that sense as much of like this excitement that I want to do this new thing. You just maybe assume that you won't be able to do this thing of the you can't learn new skills.
Kids do, you know, look at my kids, they'll try loads of stuff, they'll pick it up, they'll give it a go. My son got a drum kit. He's run the boat like Dave Grohl. Therapy can help you reconnect with your sense of wonder because the back to school era can come at any age. You know, Speaking of school, that's when I actually learned an instrument when I was at school, and I regret it. If you're thinking the starting therapy, better help might be the way to go.
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That's betterhelp.com/tea with me. The link is in the description. Back to the episode. Because then when you were a wee boy, you looked like Nosferatu. You had the teeth in the ears. You need to try to plus put it all back in. Plus, I forgot we're both. I have one in the back of my head. Yeah. It's like a, you know, a bump, but his is more pronounced. Yeah, you know, it was what you call elongated your head. Elongated head. Yeah, that's what they call me elongated.
Head, you're like a fish. You're like quite normal this way, you turn side. But yeah, you did the poll and that people loved it. Are you getting people coming up and saying to you about it? Yeah, yeah. So we went to the fight. Medians Boxing. Yeah, Was that a week? Week after, I think, yeah. We got McDonald ball, gotten selfies with the chicks, couldn't get anybody to punch me. Nobody, Nobody had punched me. Still obsessed with the punch in the stomach. But then you were at those last
week. What do you say to me? I think my pet, I said. Oh, yeah, your appendix. You said your appendix. May burst you were. Giving me a left home from hospital, right? I was going for a meeting a ban the royal and I was going to meet new consultant for the Chromes and he gave me left home his name before but not Michael George's wedding party. He gets in the car. What's wrong with you stomach? Stomach not good. Not having all these pain. They're like, have you still got an appendix?
He does. It was like, maybe your appendix is going to burst or something and this is what you get for years of having men punch in the stomach. It's catching up with you. See, I'm getting excited. We're talking about punching. So it was, I didn't know it was appendix that that was terrible, terrible pain. But as I've never had appendix go, I did. I presumed that's what it might be.
See, on the last couple notes from the last podcast, we're talking about your bad bike injury, 1981 specifically. What were those injuries again? Because I don't think we actually listed them on the podcast. I broke my what's called adult toy peg. It's about the size of your thumb. Your skull rotates on it. And when you get hung, that's what breaks, That's what kills you. And it's one in a million. I didn't.
I got away with it nearly. So I got bumped started twice up there at Dundroid and then at the Royal, you know, got the your heart. Yeah. Got me going. Got me going twice. So I broke that and two legs. My right foot is mush. It's everything's out of shape. And what else? Collarbone, shoulder, collarbone. And in the end, sides were turned on, turned round, upside down. You know, they're all over the place. Yeah, I didn't love it. Oh well, yeah, yeah, they settled down.
You know it just went person where tit that many times. Yeah. Do you remember? Do you remember that? Vividly. How did you fall off the bike? I never said I made a blunder which I never thought I never thought I would do again. And. Got you on a bike? I just, yeah, going too quick. And what just lost? Do you remember making the mistake? Yeah, yeah. I don't remember being at the race previous you were there. Obviously you just that was your birthday and. Happy birthday son.
Your dad, he's all right. He's just broke, you know it keeps your. Head on your body it's all good son happy birthday don't worry about it your mom's all right they give me thumbs up tomorrow are. We surprised for you, I'm dead. The bump started by his car breakdown. No, no, no. The bump started him three times. He's all right. Was there a moment that do you remember thinking yourself, oh bollocks, was there a moment you're like, I've really fucked it here?
What speed would you would you have been going? Well, as usual, you know, 10 exaggerated, but it was over 100. And yeah, I've come up before unfortunately. And depending where you come off, you can get away with it sometimes, or I didn't. I always got broken bones, but where I came off as a big guy and I knew I said I'm going to, I knew it's going to die.
Because the thing with the road racing here is, you know, it's not like a track that's all safety padded and all that kind of stuff you're racing on, or the roads like the public roads. Yeah. So if you do come off, you're going to hit something. Did you what did you go into a field? Yeah, well, first I got what's called a high side, so the back end came round and that happened. It grips and you get launched, you know, you go into the air over the top of the bank.
And I said in that instant, I said I wish I hadn't come back. No, wish I hadn't come back. But man, I knew it was going to be. I knew I was going to be killed. I thought you meant to life after his birthday. Have the good happy time here. From the big soft play. Hello, I'll be fair, Happy time is a great 1 though. I said that over the top and I said and you're just going to die. So I started shouting your name
out and. So you could see the last moment of life leave your body in. To make sure I to make sure I to make sure I saw him have the impact. I'm about to die here if you want to. Stick out your YouTube. Splat what happened with them and the kneecap as well? Did you hit a curb is. That what happened, No, this is also what Dundraw and I didn't come off that time. So this is a different time, yeah. And what's? Been twice shy to ask about. It helps if you have a brain.
If you had a had a brain, wouldn't it be a second time? So I went up the inside of two guys and closed the door on me. So I'll expand. Go around the corner. What about the race? Oh jeez. I saw you did his kneecap and it makes sense now. So go around the corner right-hander and open up the inside, up the inside them to you. Get in front of them, close the door on me like. What does that mean? That free the.
OK, So there's a grass bank here and two banks there in front of me. So I went up inside to get in front of them rather than go around, go around them and didn't see me that they came over. They came in. Oh, right, right, right. So I put my knee in their grass Burge and there was a set stone, big square stone, and it it got me. So it lifted me in the bike up in the air and I stayed on. But I thought my leg had come out.
I thought it'd come off. I thought it was this way with it because at least seventy men are. And I got round the corner like a squeal, like a pig, and it was dangling. It was couldn't put it on the foot rest because I didn't think it was there. And I saw it dangling, but I thought. It wasn't attached. It wasn't attached and there was a flag Marshall and because it's Overton drawed thousands of people and they're all, you know, close to the the the road.
And this guy had a flag and I come up to him on a squeal, like high pitched squeal and I grabbed him to the waist and because I was was screaming the PM was wild and I grabbed him by the waist. Another flag Marshall he came up because I was screaming. He grabbed me ankle and he said it's all right. So it's only cramp, but it turned round in his hand. You know, I, you know, he said he I think he went back down onto his hours back onto his
hours. So they they put me in the field and and you know when they say when the pain gets too much, you faint and all that lot of balls because I was laying on my back and you think you ever heard you wouldn't know a bull worker. That's a thing you did, you know for for muscles, you know, push in and out and I was squealing and I was shouting if you just hit me, you know what I was screaming.
You know, I put scream, I want to be knocked out because I was screaming like that, a banshee, and obviously nobody hit, man. Could sit here. Can you find my son? It was my 4th birthday. But see, like a lot of people would sort of question that sort of thing to, you know, when you see people get really graphic injuries like football injuries or like compound fractures and things and they say the pain doesn't necessarily happen immediately because of adrenaline. It's maybe after that.
Did you find in that moment you you were very much aware of the pain or did the adrenaline kick in in that instance? I wasn't certainly. You don't giggle. You know, when I when I thought I lost the leg. The pain, I'll never it's indescribable. That must have sounded mental then. But did your kneecap like slice off? No, it wasn't a kneecap. Yeah, but you're missing one knee. Yes, but it's. Foxy isn't really. See it here. Here's a hot and you had a hot plate? Yeah. Into it.
Yeah, sure, Dave. So do you want that? Dave, have you seen it? There's titanium. It's been like titanium, the heat. This OH. Yes, what about son? We've been. Doing that since 1994. That's the oldest double Acme book. You've got another one. You blocker. And you've had an entry that. We've got everybody. He'll do that anywhere, anytime, restaurant, wedding, whatever, you name it. But you see, if he didn't, if he didn't, you know, didn't work. Has anyone ever just gone?
What are you doing? Yeah, one time, one time. But I had an audience, thank God. And then you were at the race because you don't go to the races that often, but then you were there last week. Yeah, it was. I don't go because of memory problems. I can't remember names. So it was Bishop's court was what do you call them? Classics? The old boys. It was the old boys and it was combined with the classics and the I. Remember, you did one of those laps. The old.
Boys go in. Well, it's called that pre lapse and the first one, first one was the old bike. You were there died at Scary's place called Lakshini besides Scary's. And so two of us went down. But I want to go down early to memorise the course because in my mind I was going to go as quick as I went the last time, you know, when I was racing and got the lead and so got to the course and I asked the guy, I said which way does the course
goes? He said that way I couldn't remember which way the course went. So I wasn't a good start. And anyway that that was it. We got through that. And then there was mid Antrim. That's so bad, Antrim Yep. An English guy had a couple of bikes over here and he asked me did I want to ride one in a parade lapse. And it's for the past winters and things like that. So I went up two days before the event in my in my brain, because I'm sick as a champ.
I was going to go as quick as it was and there's a jump on the course and I love the jumps. So I went up two days before I left the half six in the morning and did 12 laps, learn the course and I raced on it once before but that was years ago, so 12 laps and that's only about 3 1/2 four mile long. So I knew where I was going and went up on the Friday for the practise and it was a new, I may as well never been around the course, didn't know where I was going, hadn't the clue because
of my memory. But I didn't know it was that bad. And I'm the baldy and I was in the way of a lot of people. So never got, never got the jump and. That was it. What happened, What used to happen back in the day if you needed a piss and you're doing a race or do you never because of adrenaline, like we never need to go to the toilet on stage because you're just adrenaline. Even if you're up there for an hour, you don't need the. And racing, that wouldn't be the
biggest problem. You shit yourself, you know, if you nearly come off, you had a don't. Never happened. No. There's after you came on last time you went, I should have said this, should have talked about that and this or that. What was there anything you want to talk about? You didn't. Excuse me? Get the poster to. So I didn't know. So at my dad's house, looks like he's solving a big FBI case. Because. There's all different posters
overall. Different crime scene, so you wouldn't tell me what we're going to talk about. Yeah, right. Well, we didn't have a plan. Yeah, didn't have a plan. So there are things the first time is on. I wish I had a said, you know what you said that happens with everybody. So a couple of things. So one of the parade labs, just the way I said when I was racing, a guy asked me Billy Mckinstry didn't want to race this bike in Portuguese. World Championship? What's that?
Why you're not asking English? Very good. Half an hour later. So it's a world championship race in Portugal. Della Real and So what not but that when I got there. Is that the photo you in front of the bust in the head stamp? Yes, yeah. Before he turns up, he turns up the socks in his hands, his pants around his chest. And I actually ever sent that offer, Dennis, Sorry. So. What age you've been released in Portugal? 198586. We're both battle miles.
Yeah, yeah. 3037 years ago, so wherever that is. So look, in the programme I got there, that's the world championship thing. Look in the programme, not great. Doris Todd. Your name was Doris. The Hobbit down is Doris Todd, and I raced like Doris Todd. You know I'm only calling you that from now on. That was just that. They call that out in the speaker and all the Doris. He, well, he cracks up if you write one for Elliot. If you write 1T instead of two, he loses his mind.
But this is what I don't get about it, right? You have two D's? Yeah, on the sofa, super big. And you are tall, Todd. Yep. Why does no one ever spell tall, Tod? It's the exact same thing. That's not nobody called. Yeah, it's weird. I'm my dad was big dance, sweet dance but his was 2 ends. That's weird, isn't it? Yeah, that was always weird to me that he so his dad is called David 2 and there's been set what, seven in a row?
Yeah, I'm 1/7. And then Grande was Dennis, but with two NS and then they took away N off you. I think it's more English the the two NS right? Everybody automatically thinks 2NS. Yeah, yeah, because otherwise it's a bit like penis, isn't it? Really. Sort of D. Denis like P/E. NY, Yeah. Were you? Were you ever attempted to call me Dennis and pass it on? No, it's an old M It's terrible. Terrible. Yeah. You don't like it? No, no, it's, it's like Doris.
Doris better. No, you were only going to be called shame. After the cowboy movie, yeah, I used to tell people I didn't think I was. No, I was about 1954. I felt bad because you always wanted to show me that film and show me what I was named after. But as a kid, it's a black and white cowboy movie. Yeah, but it's maybe like what? A classic of all times. So. That's a weird thing I remember Aaron Butler telling me is some people's niche relations name,
he goes. I called Aaron Butler after Elvis. Yeah, that's. Right. I think he goes why he called after he called Elvis, you know, and there's another guy we were in a our friends and they were telling us about a guy in their family. And his name is like something entirely different. He's like he's named like say it's like John Peters or something. They go, hi, John Peters is named after Uncle Michael. Yes, That's like for what I was Michael's actually called John
Peters, but no one knows that. And that's like, yeah, called, you know, called Michael. And it's very confusing. I'm trying to think if we had any mad names in our in our family. Well, yours, Cecil. Cecil there was. A Cecil. You bring him? No, not. That's an. Old and Cedric. They're all old names. Yeah, Bobby. They're all the same. Remember Bobby? Not going to make the point. That's a classic. She had like like a great uncle Bobby. He had no legs. Sure he didn't, or he had them
but didn't work. That's a stark difference. Then they have no legs. I can't remember those songs that. Really can't remember. No, I was Granny. My granny, yeah. Sheer Granny Bobby. No, Granny had two legs. Granny. Granny. Oh, my granny Todd. Right, the boy have two legs. Yeah. You sure? No. There was something about him. He had Lemmy ailments, but he had asked Marshall, still over time. Now there was there was something or he had one leg. Maybe he wasn't Roman, put it
that way. Right, right. And I remember we were in Central back when it was Miss and we never really saw him. Not much. Screen. He was arson about to Mcglane. Yes, because Granny used to always say he's arson about. That. Doesn't mean he's got no legs. That's. The joke, I think he had no legs and still and but me, my cousin Michael and our mate Sean were in the Mace and Michael said how you how you Bobby, and we're maybe like 10 or something. I'm probably going, how are your
son? He's recognised and realised related and he's giving him a pound or do we pound for you? And then Sean was her and I'm in I'm like just slightly out of the way from them and he goes, is this your we mate? He goes, yes, Sean, he was Sean, are your goals we pound for you? And then I went, I saw this happen and then I was like, I need a pound too. So I laid it on thick. I went up and went, hi, your Uncle Bobby, right? Never called him ago. I didn't even really know.
I said hi, your Uncle Bobby, and he went, all right, son. Just walked on and I was devastated. Devastated. Probably pricked up people. I have no legs. That's probably that's wrong. I know I ain't. He had no legs. I think he met on one now. He had at least he had at most one, at most one, no, but no not least one, at most one, because any had two. But hold on. So do you not remember in the moment when you were asking for a pound, did you go, I guess, Uncle Boy, for a pound or did
you go like that? Like, come on. Like, no, we had like wooden legs or something. He's a He's a pirate. Yeah, I got no more money for you. I'm going to go over the seven seasons fighting that goal. Was there on that on that your name? So I want to always remember have a son or call him Shane and your mum and your granny said no, it's like a dog like you call a dog Shane you.
Don't. You know Shane wasn't, yeah, Nobody was called Shane those days and so all I wanted was Shane. So that's why you have a middle name, your mum said. Yes. You can have a second name. Because I was going to be Henry. That's kind of kind of hip now, Henry. Yeah. Henry Todd sounds like like he would own people. Did we do we know much about going back? Like what's our like? What is your middle name? I don't know if I'm. Sure, you do know this, because everyone for sure.
No, neither there. But I had to real end. Here's Logan. Yeah, Robert. Is that what? Just one? Yeah. I thought you had like 3 or 4. Do we know like that much about the history of our family, like going back like a few generations or anything or no? That's all from mysteries, the history of the telephone. Well, I was in the sauna a couple of weeks ago and there's a couple old boys in there and I could chat to them, one of them
his cousin. Now, is that the way like, you know, some people be like, if you go to America, they're like, oh, we're no. No, no. Or is it no actual cousin? Yeah, I was the recent. There was stories you want to tell about racing and all that kind of thing, but then I I want to ask you about me doing stand up. What was the first gig you ever came to see me do? Stand up and you remember. Brilliant Empire, yes, and I said I'm going to go, he said.
Don't want you to go, but if you're going to go, I don't want to see you so. Nice. No, I meant like, I don't want to look. Yeah, I don't want to look out and see you. And so happened there were you couldn't have moved. I had to say to the bouncer for me and Ivan to get in, you know, because it was just Jason. Jason Byrne was headlining in The Emperor, and it was. Yeah, they were classic. They were hiding. From our leaders.
You couldn't move and so we were just in front of the stage and standing up. So I. Actually won't see you there. It'd be grand. Oh God, that's hurtful. I'm. Just used to having Ross here, just having that zone here. So anyway, time comes. You've got a Who was it? Jason Byrne No, Colin. Colin Murphy. Maybe I'm. Colin Murphy brought you on. See how the young fella, whatever what it was, 18 or 19? 18 I think it was my third. Yeah, takes a lot of balls to do
this. It's one of your your first, first time they gave you a great intro and he said give it up. She and toy. It's my duck. Go ahead and no need to come on. And then you went. What you say? He was the first person I saw and walked out because he is a good head of her. But the shit, the shame from your, you know, they look from here like I could see the shame bunch.
And because it was student cake and he stood out to me because everybody was 18 and you and I were standing there and I even does this thing. I was I was like, ah, you can see him right there. And then Ivan's distracting because even though Ivan goes to Ivan goes you a lot to stand up. Ivan looks at you like this, even if he's enjoying it, you can never hide it. You watch a whole. And then afterwards, I loved that. That was brilliant. But he said, I guess.
But it was a memorable night. You come on, you thought you were a rabbit calling the headlights and you're. My mouth was so. Dry. I could see your mouth was dry. Handshaking. And it was I was getting my stomach was going, I guess here because. You got the. Punchers. There was a couple of guys being loud. They were pissed up at the bar and you were on and I freaking cheese. I was cracking up. You know what? I No, not yet. Yeah, you know. So, but it was good. I think I had a good one.
I was just nervous, but it was good. Yeah, Said the way you were like sometimes people talk and I know you, I'm a see him like if I'm watching a gag and there's people talking. Bastards. And that's the worst of all. But you would go and say, when was the last time? I feel like you haven't confronted anybody in a while because usually something will start at the gym. Ross goes to the same gym. We just did a bonus episode, Ross. Ross goes to gym. Have I seen you in there, Ross?
You stand up. You can't say he's 5 foot two, you're 5 foot three. You can't. What do you mean? No, even that 54. No, he's whether he'd be 5/3. .8 or something. See he's he's small, but his postures got bad recently so he's even smaller. But if you were stretched out, yeah, it would be a big boy. But see on that, like your dad, I would say he's definitely a secret gigger. Like he goes to gigs you don't know he's app. Like you'll be at your shows and then you'll most send your texts
or something. I'm like, yeah, because whenever you say you've been and then you haven't, maybe sell the offer take. He's low key fellow. I like that key and. You do support. Yeah, that's been years. Yeah, you know, but because I'm memory, I don't want to go in backstage or whatever. Can't remember names. And I always tell security, make sure see if that guy is here just. When I was, yeah, like, say there was someone talking to the
gig. You go over and say, right, And he tell you, buddy who had to speak to a boy yesterday, that's cool off. In recent times, I think you speak in the boys. But then you're at that age where you'll devote time to like, he'll go. He'll be in a rivalry with a guy in the gym for four years and the guy won't know, but the guy won't know but he go. A dot, right? No. Can't say too much about the gym because. You can't say too much with it, but he'll go will do.
He'll go to a fell and there he goes. When he does, you know, he'll say stuff like see when he see when he's not looking. I pour a bit of a charge. I've been done for four years and the guy won't know, but he gets into these. We I know we can't talk about it. Right. The guy with the parking Parkinson, by the way, No, not he beat up. See if you don't see if he says hello to you in the gym, how you doing it and you don't give him anything back. You've got an enemy.
You've got an enemy though, because me and you will go yes exactly. But me and you would say hello to anyone that situation and we would be like fuck what a decade not saying a little back. It then becomes his life's work to get out. How you do me a back idea? But you know what, I'm with you in the standards because there's a parent who has leaders, has had a kid in the same class as Holly for a few years now, even from preschool.
And I just I I don't know his name, but our kids name, and I'm not going to say it, but because I but every morning you go and you said, you know, when you recognise me, you might know them because you've known from the drop off and it's not I would for a while I'd have been like morning and he just walked past like look through and every time like you fucking ignant bastard. And now I don't do it anymore.
And like there was another day where I was walking the dog and he was just walking right towards me and I like met his eyes and I wanted it was just let me to want to go. All right mate, and I didn't. You should have but that and that's what you 2 are different. He'll go over there, he'll go overboard. I know. Because they've got me the balls, I say. That's why they're not saying hello to you. You're past Hello. So no matter where I go, if I pass anybody always say how you doing?
You know, no. Matter how you doing, stop it. Give me a motherfuck. Stop. You're all right. Good morning. I'll start with that. Especially in the gym, especially because, you know, if you're new into the gym, you're new there. Like great. People always say, no matter who's passing, how you doing, sometimes you get somebody else. Yeah, great, thanks. Or you get a grunt. You get an animal noise, you know, a grunt or you get us a smirk, you know?
Or you don't like that. I freaking hate it with a passion, but this is where they've got me. I said I remember that and I don't. And I said to them next time, how you? How you doors? Those kind of western film. How you? How you doing? You know and. So you don't know who your enemies are. And they get you every time. And I'm not sure there's some, I'm not sure, you know, has he done that to me before? Yeah, I'm not sure. Oh, I've done a lot in the gym. I know there's some stuff.
The parking? Which one? There's one I realised I started and we, we, we actually can't. OK, yeah, right. You can't what this guy was. No, he was like 6 foot something bad boy and. Donald Trump there, bad boy. So what does it say again? I can say something. Look, we can. Add it a lot if needs be. Let's get it a lot. That's great. Parked up. I came look, got into the car and this guy got out of his car and hit the door. But it just and he got back in.
You're in the car. I was in, I was in the car, he was, he was already parked and I'm, I'm parked. And when he opened the door, touched my door and he didn't look, didn't get out. So I got out and looked at the car and I could see a line, but it hadn't dented it. It's because of the dirt, you know, and I'm not even say what
colour of car he had. So it was obvious, you know, I knew you have it lined up and we opened the door, but he had done it and I knocked him in. There would you have been prepared for if he had just gone. Sorry about that mate. Sorry one. 100%. Right. 100% And when he put the window down a wee bit and I said you're not going to say say sorry, he said what are you talking about? I said you hit the door.
What age of a guy, roughly? Ballpark nearly forty 30s and he he said what are you talking about? I said you hit the door. No, I didn't. I started, you know, I felt that coming on. I said open the door, open the door and line up with that. I said, you haven't looking up, you haven't done it, but you had it. But you haven't even said, sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. I started. I call them a few choice words and. He's still got the window down.
Used to wee bit. Yeah, that's a bit, but I call them something. And he opened the door. Say it and if it's really bad, we'll be but. Pardon. Say it and if it's really bad, we'll be but. Say it you fuck dog. I didn't know that he fucked. He opened the door. He got out and see when he got out, I moved one step forward right to him and the beans were sitting out on my neck and he got back in that car. That was it. You're a fuck dog. And you want to see that the head of them but.
How funny when that guy sees my dad on the podcast. Last episode there he is, but. How baffled did you be? I don't think anyone's called anyone a fuck dog. 74. I but not and not my mind, not my mind. I'm still dollars so I saw him getting or getting changed together. This. Is this is maybe a couple of weeks? Later in the gym change room. Yes, and I said I had a fair idea it was him. Oh, he's still not 100. Percent. Oh, it's two weeks. And I said excuse me, have we been introduced?
I said. That's a mafia style move there. He went no, don't think so. Do you think it was him? Oh, what's him? And have you seen? Is he still about? No, there's. This fucking mental he bought got me a fucked. Did they ever get the guy who was drying his pubes with a herder or is he still not going to be? That's all right though. No, it's not. Oh no, it's not. I know. It's not, I know. Let me point out I do this but stand up and it's a true story. Imperiously.
Just learn it. Just I just. I am Paisley used to dry himself junior senior the OJ with her dryer, but Nick in the gym. No, he did. He did like this. Well, no, like like that, but yeah, with her dryer because my game, my first thought when he walked yeah. Very good. He would come past naked and I'd be like, where's the tile? And also when you get that level, you're like, why doesn't he have like a Bryson or something?
All the. Time I don't even think he brings it to. He goes up and he just stops front of the mirror and starts trying himself all over the the herder. Awfully, awfully. And there is a reservoir to pair it up. But what are the herder? Somebody guy was telling me on Monday, somebody was having the handshake. He saw somebody having the handshake and the shards. Oh, how did he see him? He's in the cubicle, but there.
As you see. When I worked there, there used to be a fellow, yeah, come into the gym and this was a younger fellow. He would come in, but he wasn't training, he wasn't swimming, he wasn't done, and he was just going in the showers, peeking around and jerking. Tell that story, without names, about David Lloyd. Now I wasn't at this one for a good friend of mine was there this couple of fellas. This wasn't David was a good. Friend. That's a good friend of mine.
It's all this getting this thing happening and it wasn't. He said he went for like a, you know, when you go, you're going for the full day of the gym, so you're going, didn't work out doing a swim, then you go get your lunch afterwards. Nice day. He said he went there and this particular fella was in the I don't even know if he's ever told this guy's ears and connects the dots.
But he said he went into the gym, went in and have a shower and he said my mate came out and he was like, where does he take my mind? I'm out Shard dry dressed, ready to go. And he said I wonder if he's still in the shower, I'll go and check if he's there.
He says he went around to the shower, he could see water beaten down the shark he was in. He didn't want to know if he said he kind of picked over and he said the guy was just lying feet down, a shower of water beaten down and just beating the wire of himself. And he said the weirdest thing was this guy always his hair like very neat, like you always want to see. And he said the hair was stored
down his face. And he just had they said he said to go and just sit in the restaurant and just wait. And he came out and he was like, I mean, he was like, nobody says the fact he was lying in the shower. Feed out. I forgot to ask you last time, but the store Speaking of bike accidents. Try Can I detect yes, that guy said take on at least here, right? Parking at the gym, yeah, people used to take up two spaces, so I would write the way he used.
To write note. Don't be such an inconsiderate. Twat. By the way, our spelling is awful, so I guarantee you never spell inconsiderate. Right? Because I probably couldn't, yeah. So it was something an. Incompetent thought. Used to leave notes people on the screen. Yeah, fuck dog, I've been looking and go. You're sincerely fuck dog. But see, just before we get back on the park and I need to know about the pube the pube guy hair dryer pube guy was.
It just as people were complaining, yes, people were complaining about him. What was he doing? Just literally. Just standing with the hair dryer drying them. That's almost going to use that hair dryer. Pubes, yes. Just the pubes. So is he doing? Everything, yeah. It was a mate of ours report someone we know reported and then not that like say to him, but it'll be like stop doing that.
That's the most awkward thing because again, with the guy jacking in the showers, someone had to approach him. Be like, you get up to it. He's like, I'm washing me. Yeah. And they're like. Called him a fuck dog and walk dog but his dude. Used to shit as well. There's a guy just said just just do shit in the way. The whole whole investigation to find out who's shit in the showers.
Somebody did that, yeah. And. And. Then the cleaner caught the guy squatting down do a shit the shower and then that's how there. Bike accidents. I haven't talked about the big one, most recent one when you fell off the push bike when it was stationary. Sure, I showed you. I've got a brilliant photo of it. We'll put it up, you send it to me, and then we'll put it up after. Yeah, this, but people will say it. I will not believe it. So I don't wear a helmet and.
I mean, of all the fucking experience you've had, we're a helmet penis. Right. Well, the reason being I'm never going to have an accident makes it. Based on your track record. Literally your track record. So careful and I've done so. We're 11,000 miles in the bike so and. We're flags. I'm. Never going to have a car accident. I've done 100,000 miles well. I've never had an accident. I've been a ball, but I've been the cause. Well, I haven't been the cause. So we were calling along from
Bangor along the coastal you. And the boys. Yeah, I just built. And so we're talking about those Bill and Bruno 7. 1000 lbs. The original Flapot man, Yeah. Two guys, the top of the range bike, 7000 lbs worth. Well, they'll be getting robbed. Well they're hardly ever out and and they never had a N down. But anyway, we're coming along the coastal path and summer's day as his last last summer and were the golf courses cricketer hill cricket bat.
It's pretty rough the path and it's very narrow and pretty rough and I was going dead slow. It built behind me. There was so I'm going really slow and there were two rocks and I went in the right hand side of it. I was to do this here made shouldn't the wrong decision. So when I went to pedal, because I was going that slow, I went to pedal it touched the top of the rock and just did that in slow
motion. Now there's some drop down onto the beach and they were just boulders, but they weren't round. Of course. They're all all I guess here and I thought I am I am dead. It's no no EPS or butts. I am Teddy bread here. So it was like Tom and Jerry because it's slow motion when I got I just don't put my foot out because I'm at the edge.
You know, there's a drop and like Tom and Jerry, my and down I went and I hit, I broke my fall by hitting every single rock before I've got onto the sand. And the bike was I was entangled in the bike and I couldn't breathe. You know, the pain and I couldn't breathe. And I heard Bill said, I heard him go trying to get down. Oh, fuck, Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh fuck. Because you're going to be dead.
And but it was about half an hour later because he's, he's in his 70s, early 70s, you know, to get down. And he and I was, I couldn't be pumping. I was like a sieve. Everywhere was blood coming out. And Bill untangled me from the bike. He pulled me up. I could have had broken back or a neck again or whatever, but he was a got man. So lucky enough didn't break a leg or an ankle because the only way would have been a helicopter because we couldn't get a car
either side. So it was the only way. So that's why I was getting my breath back and two guys came along and they retrieved my bike and they got me up. They got me on their path. And Bill being so considerate, the bike had lost its its read out. So there was no bat. The battery didn't work and well, it's no battery. It's, you know, because I've only they may have only the one leg really. And I'm more than Bobby. I'm punctured, you know, I just, I'm in shock. He helped me onto the bike.
He helped me onto the bike and away we went. Got home, but I could hardly see because Did you cycle home? Pardon. Yeah, you cycle. Home and we'd already been to Danica Day. Oh, I've been the targeting. I did not. Coming downhill to the house. Yeah, like the Passion of the Christ. I had to come through Hollywood, you know Hollywood and you know, everything's blood, all you know, and my shorts on everything was. I'm gladly shit down. I mean more awkward if you
didn't. So do you know what see? In the defence, I've seen you and Ivan on your bikes just these are bollocks on them. Like there's like 2 we boys because it's like you don't when you're sitting talking, you don't get off your bike to talk. You sort of slowly cycle around. It's almost like you're about to do E tricks and it's like. They're intimidate. They're. Like circle, you know, like what are you going for? A coffee. Man, I've been just like.
Well, I did you trick second. Yeah, we shouldn't tell. I know. I think. This might be God's way of finally saying. Standstill balancing, come to lights. Was there anything else in your list you want you want to talk with? So that's Doris right away on the racing. So one of my sponsors was a thing called the Clock shop firm called the Clock. They do. They sold bikes right? So the board may have transported all the gear, new bike and everything to go with it.
But sometimes they needed the van that that they gave me. They need the van to get collect clock to collect their. Gas. We're going to do a van, but we'll need it all. Of this, But they, they gave me, if they need the van, they gave me a car.
Well, it wasn't an ordinary car. A choice between a Cadillac and Rolls Royce. So one day I got the Rolls Royce and it was an old, old Rolls Royce but still a Rolls Royce and used to hire for weddings and that and so I got your granny and her Wii mate we beggy. Well, I gave them a lift, I thought. We went in the glove box, but. I gave them a lift do. You know who it was or who it was, Winnie. I can't remember. So anyway, I was like the Lord Mayor, Hollywood, you know that Rolls Royce.
So it brought them down to, what do you call it? There was a cinema there. Do you ever remember Hollywood? Yes, I remember people talking about it. Right. Yeah, there's Zebra. Pardon. Was it near Redburn? No, no, you know, there's zebra crossing Hollywood. Top of the town? Is that with the ice rink top or the skate rink? Skate Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's bingo on and there's a big long queue. The women and I was across the road and I opened the the back
door for the the girls. Go ahead. Then they they walked across the road and everybody looking of course, but we granny was coming at this here. Brilliant. And then I had the Cadillac and the no stairs. I never knew that about those cars. Yeah, photographs of. Them you've been scondered if you had to take a van on you, letting these be punchers on the back of an There you go, be free. Hang about this last one stuck together. I posted that. Oh. Oh, I gave yourself.
Was there any any time? You might want to wrap this up soon. You know, embarrassing things. Here we go. Now. I heard one of your podcasts this last week or two and it was brought up, but it didn't get it's a saying. So he was acting like Conor McGregor down his grannies and his grannies brother and sisters that bred like rabbits and all the cousins were the same age, were the same age, but he was the youngest and he was getting on like, you know, a big fella.
And he was also known as a golden child. All the it's called him a golden check. All good-natured but he is getting on like a Dick. And as Granny said, son, you're so hard you can rub your ass with a broken bottle and not get caught. Yeah. Scarred him for life. What a what a saying only and should have plenty of those I was. Saying I don't remember. I mean, I'm getting on like that. Well you getting on like a Dick. I I do.
Remember. Being overly confident from 11 plus and send the Monty Carroll when I get an A here, will I be the first one in the family? They've gotten there and she went no, and then I go see 10. Dear. The last one time had to tell him about a talk that they talk. You know what that is? Obviously. Sex, Dennis. Yes. And so we're at these the birds and bays we're at on his birthday, 21st. 25th. Where's his birth? On his birthday? Well, it's better than nearly
dying, I suppose. It's. So I got, I don't know, were you 1415? So I got I've got a video camera got on the tripod or at the cable. Sorry. I knew it was going to be memorable, so I got this one roll over. I said I need to talk to him, so he sat down. He said what I said. Watch this video me and explain everything. Need to have a talk with you, I said. You're not going to embarrass me, are you? I said no. I said when the time comes for you to do the business, always wear a dicky boot.
I said is that it? I said that's it. And I was so confused. I. Was like that'll do. I knew you have this on. Yeah, yeah. That'd be good, really. Dicky boot. Dicky Boot is a. Yeah, what is a? A what? Condom. Condom. But I couldn't. I hate that word. I know it's easier, just better say dicky boot than the yeah condoms. I would better use a dicky boot. You knew what I was talking about. I didn't. Use the word chief. Wear a sheath. No what? Say mediaeval. Sheath up, say Mediaeval.
And the other one, before he went out, I always say never let a woman see you in a pair of socks. Yeah, and I passed that. It's like a woman. The equivalent would be a woman just wearing a bra doesn't work. Even if she's missed world, it doesn't work. So So what happens if you're at the business? You get cold feet. And I passed out on many to many person in the gym. That's why people don't want a dog in the gym. As a bro, he's going to help me always. He's going to tell me how to do
my bench press here. Fuck dog, always wear a ticket put. Away for a shit in the shower. Big Kristen was. He thanked me for that. The NBA, is there anything you want to you want to plug or promote? Not sure why it's being just listen like the slag I podcast out every Thursday or have a look at the Patreon subscribe and all the channels and just keep away on the socials. Really, that's about it. You want to promote anything? My tour. Dicky Boots. What's your?
Stand up tour. I don't believe you said that. Go promo for me. Yeah, I want to see the Wii Deck. Shane.comedy.com, thank you very much.