EPISODE 3 - Couch

That's a jarring question? Ask when I'm high or really listen, you pick seven? All right? This is look, it's question number seven. So do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? Even? Is this game genus like thirty six questions that leaves till a love saying that you love me? I don't know. We just met and like you're hut and all, but take me out first. Hey, listen, I have to spot you something. I think you will be horrifically malbed by a polar bear in Antarctica on

January that I love Antarctica? Why? But also why a bear, just like have one of those faces. I guess that will be malled by a bear. What okay, name three things you and your partner that's us appear to have in common. Partner, you're really trying to give me whatever. I'm always trying to get something pregnant. Okay, So what do you think we have in common? Well, both of our dads suck, so that's yea. And two we both love tequila. And three, I don't know what do you think? Three?

I think we both want to kiss each other right now? Yes you are rick. Disa is a food. Deja is a Deja doesn't want to have sex with Gina, mostly because she's afraid of the virgina because Deja has never had sex before. So when it's caught it from me out ah, wow, you're cooking for me already. What can I say? I'm a chef from now on, referred to me as chef Desia. Oh yes, chef de Asja and a professional ghost if I'm remembering correctly, professional coat. Oh,

tour guide, well X tour guy. Now actually guy, I got fired? What no? No, no, no, not the same night the same night we met? No? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I threw up and apparently I called a little girl a ghost. But then I found out after she has stage four leukemia, so it was bad. That's so bad. Oh my god, I take full responsibility. I'm so so sorry. Don't know why I told you to go. You're so wasted. I'm home. Oh god, I have to tell you about my incredible night with Becky and Marie. Oh, I brought

you an oat milk Clotte, Gina, good morning. Do you did you just get here? Oh? No, I slept here? Oh? Oh? How is the couch? Was it? Okay? It sucks for getting anyone today. No, I slept with Asia. Oh no, we we We didn't sleep together. We just slept together, right, right, but in your bed? Correct? H Okay? Um, Desia did I said? No, we didn't. Okay, just chose gonna say, did you want the latte? Dude? Oh? Right, yeah, of course? Okay, Sorry, Gina.

I would have gotten you on if I had known you make a habit of staying here, But I guess Desia doesn't probably these things anymore. So okay, Well, on that note, Um, we're going to go, but Desia, hang out against No, you're not going to stay for the eggs next time. Okay, Well, I'll walk you to the door. Did so? Should I text you? Are you gonna text me? Dot? What's Desia? Your eggs are burning? Oh my god, Chloe? Why didn't you turn them off? What is your problem?

I don't know. I guess it was distracted by abudding romance. I knew nothing about There's nothing, do you know? Come on, I tell you everything. I even tell you about who I make out with in my dreams. Okay, Well I really don't need to know about your sex dreams with Mariska Haggerty. Oh my god, it's Marishka Hargit how many times? Okay? Not the point. Look, if I don't tell you, who else would I tell? I don't know. Maybe someone who watches n C. I S It's Law and Order SVU

Special Victims. You know it? Okay? Why did this thing with Gina start? Well, we met at that rooftop party and then just kind of hit it off. Oh wait, Gina is the girl from the rooftop Oh, the one you really liked? Yeah? Okay, okay. And then the next day she came here to pick up her sweater. You don't think we slept together, do you? What first I did, but not anymore. Gina told me last night than nothing happened between you two, so it's cool. Oh but why

didn't you just ask me? I don't know, I thought maybe I don't know. See, this is why I don't like liking people. Really, I know. God, it's the worst, isn't it. Oh? Speaking of um, we until I tell you about last night? Oh my god. Okay, what happened? Okay, wait, it's gonna be a long one, so I'll just tell you. On the way we got to pick up the couch couch, she said, I gotta couch. Me set up to get a catch couch. Come sit on my couch. And that's

how Becky ended up sleeping on the couch again. Memory just went at it delightful and she was cool with it. Oh yeah, this morning she looked at me and was like, well done, chill. Oh my god. And also, so I know, Oh I think we're here? Wait are you sure this is the place? Yeah? So you just said your destination is on the right. All right, let's go. So if you guys keep hitting it off, do you think you'll be Gina's primary or primary? What do you mean? Oh?

If I thought Gina was Polly. I mean, yeah, but I don't think she's that serious about it, to be honest. Huh. I mean, didn't you meet Gina's partner last night? Yeah? I told Alex I wasn't distributing salvia to the community anymore. Okay, if you came here to get the s, just go around the back, and since you're going back there, go ahead and just wheel that mult right through. Can you do that for me? Thank you? No, no, no, no, no, uh, we're actually just here for the couch. Um deja. I

think we spoke on the phone, are you Amoryless? Oh right, yes, of course, Yeah, it's um. It's still probably best to meet me around back and make sure you grabbed that mulch too. What just happened? Wow? I have no idea, but she's kind of hot. Yeah. Sure, if you're in a paranoid pill, Papa's no, I'm telling you it's the cheetah print. Okay, just tell me wheel this mult over. This was not a part of the deal. Just come on, you ladies are just so strong. Thank you for wheeling

that over. You know I've been wanting that done for so so so long. Yeah, I bet your muscles are sore right now? You know I know this cute little massage technique. Do do I have consent to touch your muscle? Oh? You have my absolute consent. Oh wow, this feels so good. Wow. Just keep right right there. Yeah, don't stop. That's so good. Yeah. I knew that that would have. I learned it during my year in Vietnam. Oh are you a vet? No? I don't really like animals. We're here for the couch.

Come on, let's get it and get out of you. Thank you and Marilla's Can we go check out the couch? Oh? Yes, right, um, follow me inside. It's in the front room. Why do we have to meet her in the back if the couch was already the front, Come on, it doesn't matter. Just relax right where do you need to be? I'm probably going to meet it with Gina later, so let's just get this over. Plans already? Okay, then you don't forget this couch. You need to you home more than

I do. Shut up, and no, we don't have solid plans yet. But I did sext her even though she hasn't responded yet. And also we are not leaving without this couch. Alexa turned down music now playing affirmations. You were alone, but not lonely. You were kind, not smart. You were a strong, divorced woman of five marriages. You will eventually, hopefully one day, get married again. Girls, you

have to try these smoothies. Oh, listen them. Oh you know, mostly just the regular stuff like vitamins and electrolytes, minerals and metals, cocaine. I'm just kidding. I stopped doing cocaine when my septum collapsed. Any who, take a sip. I'm good, probably allergic. So oh wow, this is good. Chloe, What is there a hint of like bacon, but like creamy bacon. Oh that's the pigs milk. It's nice and smooth. Right, it's from Botanical Vitality. I have the Botanical Vitality lotion

to Oh what's Botanical vitanim So glad you asked. It's this amazing community organization. All their products are made from grass fed pigs milk. The pigs are raised right on the Botanical Vitality farms. It's more of a sanctuary. Really. Okay, cool, but where's the cow? Well you're here, let me just grab you a few samples. Oh my god. Okay, yeah, I love free samples. Okay, great, but it's um, it's not free. It's actually five, which is such a great

deal in my opinion. I take personal checks, credit card, you know whatever. You're gonna be hooked, trust me. Well yeah, I think I have like six box on me. Do you take cash? Che Oh sorry I'm cashless. Okay, ah, well maybe we can add it to the couch total on Venmo? Is that cool dish? Whatever? I'm not paying for that. Let's just get this couch and get out of here. Please, great, follow me to You're wonderful almost brand new catch. So here it is where just behind

that stack of magazines and under those um plants? I wait? No, um oh here it's in the corner. You see those Amazon boxes? Yeah, right under there. What are you how always supposed to grab that? Yeah? You know that's a great question. Um yeah, I think we're going to have to clean up this room. We h. I'd help, but my carpal tunnel and my undiagnosed sciatica arthritis are acting up. If you could just start by bringing the boxes out,

but don't put them in the trash. Just break them down to about three by three ft and make sure to place them either behind the trash bin or on the XI march on the ground outside. You'll see it. I just I don't want to get fined. You know. I'll bring more smoothies and then i'll help supervise. Oh hey, oh no, let's go we go home. Wait, what about the couch? What couch? Do you see a couch? Because I'm looking around it, I don't see a couch. Pathetically,

underneath all those boxes, there's a cow, Chloe. This woman is crazy, alright, come on, dude, she's she's home alone. She just needs a little bit of help. Well, you can do it. Then I'm gonna go sit in the truck. Deja you heard her? Her carpal tunnel diatic arts right, it'ssar acting up. I can't just abandon her, I mean the couch. I can't just abandon the Couchoe, Chloe. If you fuck her, I'm gonna be so pissed at you. Okay,

I am not going to fuck her today. Listen, this couch is like fifty bucks, and if it looks like what it did in the photo, it's corteous. It's worth it. So you know what, I'm going to do this, But you feel free to walk around or go sitting drunk. Fine, all hell to the three was later? Three I was latest was later the funny get the couch? Thanks again for the samples, No, thank you. Maybe this is a bit too forward, but I'm getting this really great vibe with you in your aura. Would you want to do

something with me next week? Oh my god? Yes, I actually was feeling the same thing, so funny. Yeah, here's my numbers. I have something so great plan for you already. And don't skimp on that lotion. It will clear up your back knee, just like I promised. Slowly. Come on, Okay, whoa dude? I think I just landed a date with whom? And Marilla's obviously. Wow, she's such a catch. Is your first date going to be cleaning her garage? You know

what if that's what it takes. Yeah, I mean I'll clean her closet, I'll clean her kitchen, her basement, and her pussy. Okay, okay, I am officially Okay, Well, you know what you like polly girls, and I just happen to like hot older ladies. But see, Gine is only Polly for now. She hasn't dated me yet. Um, did she tell you that. No, But I can just tell she went home with me last night and not her partner. And I think this is a lot. All right, are you guys hanging out today? I don't know. She hasn't

texted me back yet. M hmmm, interesting mergenta Highway five north and point three miles. When did you text her? Like right after she left this morning, and then like an hour ago, and then like three minutes ago. Wait? Please please tell me that you did triple text her. You wouldn't, I mean, ah, dude, how long have you known her? Like a week? A week is like two years in lesbian time. You know that? Yeah? True, that is true, But days the trip texting rule still applies here.

Can't do it? I just ruin it. You think she's never going to respond? Is she? Calm down? Calm down? You just you know what? You need a distraction. You gotta focus on something else, like what like dating other girls? I mean, she's dating other people, so why aren't you? I don't know, I just like her. Why would I date anyone else? If I just like her? I mean,

make a left turn and one thousand feet. I sort of feel like when people date only one person, you know, they just get so consumed and obsessive with that one person. They try to be exactly who they think that person wants them to be, and then they lose sight of themselves. You missed your turn recalculating. Fuck. Okay, Well, I don't know about people, and maybe that happens to you, but I don't know a sense that you haven't really dated

anyone yet, So how would you possibly calculating? Shut up, dude, I'm just trying to help you out. No, head west On Pumpernickel Drive. Why are we on so slow? I don't know. I'm pressing. I guess, head west On pumper Nickel Drive. What do I do? What is happening? Ship? I think we just ran out of gas? What you didn't check the gas games before you picked up the truck? Clone? No, it's not my fault. I mean, why would they give

me a truck that has no gas? It's like Ed westper Nickel drive series shut up, texting, Gina shut no, no, no cancel text series canceling text Okay, pull over in this parking lot. Pull over in this parking lot before we get hit? How do I put the hazards on? I don't know, here, let me pulled the manual. Oh no, it's right here, it's right here. Make a you turn. Shut the buck up series, make it you turn. Okay,

let's just take a breath. Fuck, we just ran out of gas miles away from our apartment in a city where we barely know anyone. Yeah, okay, hold on, told one. Let me let me just think for a second. Um, okay, I mean you know what, I could call my mom. I could use her triple A, but I think my access got cut off ever since the Okay, well, what if I called Gina? No, no, you know that this

isn't an excuse to call Gina. So no. Um. Oh, actually I have a person we could call, well, technically, do people my occasional lover's Becky and Marie a k A. Nicky Maggy. I'm sure you would go for something like Brie. You know I considered it. Um, but I like Micky because it gets a little messy, if you know what I'm saying, wink as I am disgusting. Oh come on, I don't mean like fluids messy, I mean like logistically messy. Please stop talking. Let me just call him right quick.

Oh Chloe, Chloe, what's up. I didn't expect to hear from you, so so, hey, I've actually had a bit of a situation. Oh really tell me more. You know. Me and Marie were actually about to Hey, Becky, it's I'm here too. Oh yeah, you're on speaker. Cool? Cool, what's up? Guys? Not much like I was saying. We're just kind of in a pickle. We ran out of gas, so we're stranded ship. That sucks. You know. I think I got a gas container I could probably drop off.

So oh yes, thank you, that would be amazing. Oh. The only thing is werne you haul, so we probably actually need like a lot of gas to get back home, got it? Got it? Yeah we should. We should have you covered. You know. I'll text you when we're on the way. Thank you so much, God, your life saver. I'll just share my location with you. Great, I'll see you soon, babe. You know you owe me right Oh yeah, I know I do. Hey, yeah, I'm still here, so okay, bye bye. Oh this is the first time Barrie has

come to save you. You know what, I have an idea, give me your phone. You're not gonna text Gina, are you? No? Absolutely not right now? Gina is dead to us. You know what, We're going to find you in New Gina. Okay, fine, fine, but only if her name is Gina. Whatever. Just give me your phone a fast word please, okay, and the password is season. Tell me it's Gina's birthday. Please don't know. No, it's your mom's birthday. Oh really, weird, that's what mine

is gonna send me. I'll just put it in. Okay, okay, installed, let's get you set up. Oh huh, it looks like you already have an account. Uh yeah, made one like last year, but it was only for like a day. All right. Let me just read back your bio for a second. Okay, So it says my name is Deja strong Star. I like tacos and pizza. Yeah, this is terrible. What okay, let's see. Let's see. Let's see hard eyes emoji, taco emoji, pizza emoji. So basically, you're just translating what

I said. Um yeah, and three eggs give it back. I just kidding, jeez. All right, I'm just gonna put in the Swedish flag. Okay, I'm not sweeting. Oh yeah, but no one is actually Swedish. Plus everyone loves Sweden. It's the new Iceland, just like how Iceland was a new Japan. You clearly thought a lot about this, yes, extensively. Okay, let's just get to the swipe thing. Yes, okay, Oh, this girl is cute. Her name is ing. Oh she might even actually be Swedish. See the flag is working.

Already knew it. She's too blind and her eyes definitely say she's dead inside. Okay, yeah, fair, fair, fair, Okay, who's next? Oh this one's good, great photos, good bio, authentic vibe. I hate it. Okay, great, I already swiped right. Oh and to two others, wait, I look you already matched? Yes, Angie, let's jump in those messages and ask her. That's fast, right, like, shouldn't we wait a day? No? I mean is Gina waiting?

I guess not? Okay, so I'm messaging her. I'm going to say, hey, you seem chill, not super into apps, but would love to grab a coffee. Here's my number. Hit me up. Wow is your name deja? Because that's exactly what I would have said, Hey, fucking plus best brand? Yeah, oh it's great. I mean it's Mackey was saved, thank you heyd delivery. Hey Chloe, thinking about last night. Hi'm rabe either. Oh hey, it's me Deja. Don't forget I'm

here too, Asia. Don't be jealous. You can join next time. No, no, no, no, no no, I'm good. Just I just want to thank you guys for coming to save us. We really appreciate it. Yeah, dude's no problem. We're literally in the neighborhood. Um. Also, sweet you Haul who's getting married? Oh you didn't get to see of the date. And Deja and I are having a destination wedding in Sweden. Sweden. Who doesn't fucking love sweet Din Sween's like the New Iceland in my right.

That's exactly what I keep saying. Yes, okay, so here's the gas. We got three containers full, so you should be all set. Sweet Yeah, you can get the containers and uh yeah, we'll get them back for me like some other time. Cool, cool, cool? How much? How much do we do for the gas? You os one of those famous foot massages you give? Hey, you guys have fun. I'm going to go fill up to say. Wait, I wanted to tell you I found an awesome gid for you. Really.

Oh dope, that's so awesome. Thank you, Becky. Yeah, it's next weekend. Oh sick, Yeah, that should work, rights, I'm excited our second paid gig. Yes. Oh, actually it's a it's just the booking for Asia. What Yeah, Daja, do you have any more of those songs that you played the other night? You know the crowd went fucking crazy for that ship brouh. Yeah right, it's a QPOC event. You'll death crush it, you know. I'll email you the deeps when I get home tonight. Wow. Thank you so much,

Becky for the gas and the opportunity. Yeah, no problem, dude, We'll see you later. And don't forget our foot massages. Chloe. Oh sure you got it. So do you want to get some food on the way back? Um, I'm okay. Maybe we can get some ice cream. The creamery is on the way. Who knows, maybe they even have creamy bacon ice cream. No, I'm not really hungry. Let's just turn on the radio. Okay, get sure, Kloe, this one goes out to you. I know you're feeling blue. Let's

just guess ya. Cast Asia is killing and you don't know why. You gotta give up. You gotta give keep upon, you give all. You're never gonna be never This episode was created and written by Alicia Brown, Sarah Ahmond, and Sophie Didnacall, Directed and composed by Sarah Ahmond, Music supervision by Alicia Brown and Sophie dinnacall, Executive produced by Brian Walland for Anthem Entertainment, Produced by Selena Razik, with audio

by David Gulik and Tate Gregor. Starring Ranita Lewis, Jules Forceburg, Larry and Leah Coconet's Narrated by Alicia Brown and Sarah Ahmond with additional voices by Rachel Napoleon Ye. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts