So, in the part 1 write-up, I referenced this speech class I took in the summer in high school. This is probably the closest in my experiences to doing something like a Project Runway or Top Chef-style reality show–where you are expected to pump out creation after creation on long hours with very little time to recoup or really think through the thing you’re making. You’re basically just getting a crash course, then expected to pop out some genius. Unsurprisingly, I don’t remember many of the pr...
Jun 30, 2025•1 hr 8 min
[Story Time Jingle] So back in the elusive year of 2004, when Kanye, Tyra Banks, and Joanne Kathleen Rowling were vying for position as voices of our generation, I exploited a loophole in my high school’s graduation requirements for personal lasting gain. They required every human child (and every non-human child pretending to be a human child, let’s be real, we’ve all seen Men In Black) to complete a required Speech class, in which you had to write, research, and perform several written pieces ...
Apr 14, 2025•1 hr 15 min
(To the tune of “Bad Boyfriend” by Garbage) I've got a fever, come check it and see My anger’s burning and rolling in me We may not last but there’s no fun till it ends C'mon, baby, you’re a bad president I wanna hear you take all of the blame I wanna see you burn up in flames Send you to jail so I can cheer with my friends C'mon, baby, you’re a bad president So foul, shitty, you suck, can’t you see But watch out Tool-belt, we’ll sting like a bee We know some tricks that’ll bring your reign to a...
Nov 18, 2024•47 min
The episode write up for “Part Twos” is always harder than Part One because there is a part of me that just wants to go “Hey, the one from before? It’s the wrap up of that one. Listen to it because who wants to leave a thing unfinished?” but that feels lazy and I never know how low-effort I can get with these before Adrian frowns at me and thinks, “I waited around for her to do this? Bruh, I could also have done this in ten minutes not like I also can’t string words together” and…yeah, Mind’s Ey...
Aug 19, 2024•1 hr 8 min
I’ve got Covid, so my brain is just one big foggy abyss that I’m trying to wrangle myself through. Because foggy abyss, I’ve mostly just had on things in the background that I’ve seen too many times–old cartoons like Spongebob. So I just finished watching the Pizza Delivery episode and I can’t help thinking about a Fast & Furious take on that. Brian has too many feelings and crashes the one vehicle they have. They’re forced to walk until Dom magically finds a Dodge Charger branded rock. Tej ...
Jul 22, 2024•1 hr 5 min
In the town where he was born Lived a Salarian who sailed to space And he told us of his life In the land of spaceships So he sailed up past the Sun 'Til we found …electricity? And we crashed beneath the waves In our Adjacent Galaxy We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy And our friends were all aboard Many more of them lived next door And the Reapers began to play We all moved to an adjacent galaxy ...
Jul 08, 2024•1 hr 22 min
When I suggested to Adrian that we should once again turn our shared suffering into Capital-C Content and talk about Mass Effect: Andromeda, we had the normal boring calendar convos that come with any adult trying to interface with another adult in Late Stage Capitalism. We scheduled a record time like normal. Didn’t expect it to go for almost five hours. Boy, were our faces tired after we were done. (Get it? Like the meme?) This line bothers me, rough facial animations aside because this is not...
Apr 08, 2024•1 hr 27 min
Hi! Hello! So originally I was gonna write a version of the song from “We’re Back: A Dinosaur Story” but like…the vast majority of you don’t know that song or probably that movie. John Goodman sings. It’s a whole thing. But the kids today have their Dreamworks and their Disneys and before Dreamworks was riding high on money made from Shrek memes and people paying to not see that Will Smith fish face ever again, those animators worked for Amblin Entertainment making, among other things, this abso...
Feb 05, 2024•51 min
It’s End-Of-Year playlist tiiiiiiime! I almost just sent this, but I feel like Adrian might be mad. So. Let’s empty my brain,shall we? Right now it’s just Stardew Valley and “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out”, so…let’s do a Stardew 12 days of Christmas. I got this: For the Feast of the Winter Star, my true love sent to me / Twelve marriage candidates / Eleven potluck soup ingredients / Ten triple espressos consumed / Nine moonlight jellies / Eight friendship hearts / Seven spicy eels while mining / Six h...
Dec 12, 2022•1 hr 3 min
On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, we are literally rushing back into our past to check out an episode of Adrian Has Issues from 2018, a year before this podcast would debut, to hear its proto beginnings. The kernel of this show is present here: snotty music chatter, crabbing about how the NHL is terrible and yet we love it, shit talking and general…us…ness. It’s a fun look back. But as this episode is being released around Thanksgiving, this episode did make me thankful for a few things th...
Nov 21, 2022•58 min
On this special episode of Conversing with an Adult, Ashley and Adrian come together to celebrate the most holy of TLAT holidays: N7 Day! They pulled out a Prothean relic from Adrian’s podcast “Adrian Has Issues” – an interview they did a couple of years ago with Mass Effect protagonist FemShep voice actor Jennifer Hale! Jennifer Hale talks about recording her first audiobook, making music, and the importance of voting in our current political hellscape. (Midterms are this week, so the message s...
Nov 07, 2022•31 min
I had like three really grandiose plans for this write up that I banged my head against for awhile before giving up and well…here we are, another one of these stream of consciousness write ups again because none of those really panned out. So, essentially, on this episode of Talking Like A Teen, we tasked ourselves with building Halloween inspired playlists that we exchanged. We analyzed them, we had some laughs, made some references, all that. It’s a good one. Better than this write up. I promi...
Oct 17, 2022•56 min
[To the tune of “Belle” from Disney’s Beauty And The Beast] Little town, a spooky French village Every day like the one before Little town, full of little monsters Waking up to say Boo-jour! Boo-jour! Boo-jour! Boo-jour! Boo-jour! There goes the vampire with his tray like always The same old bloody treats to sell Every morning just the same Since the morning that we came To this grim, spine-chilling town Grim Mourning, Ban-shee! Grim mourning, Monsieur Goblín Have you lost something again? Well,...
Oct 03, 2022•1 hr 6 min
(ALERT: THIS EPISODE CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MASS EFFECT FRANCHISE.) I spent the afternoon at my friends’ kid’s birthday party and spent most of my time trying to think of what to do for this write up while no one talked to me (probably because I was staring off into space thinking about this write up. I’m sure that’s not welcoming.) The obvious “rewrite ‘Midnight Train to Georgia’ about Mass Effect” was right there, but I’ve been rewriting a lot of songs lately and I don’t want that to get st...
Sep 19, 2022•1 hr 21 min
(DISCLAIMER: This is not an endorsement of an actual currency, crypto or otherwise. In fact, quite the opposite, as money is stupid and only real because we as a society pretend it has value. The following, at its core, is me taking a joke made on this episode too far, as per usual. This is the second half of the Minivan Rock episode. Link to the list is below. Enjoy the madness.) [To the tune of “Click, Click Boom” by Saliva] C'mon, c'mon! C'mon, c'mon! All those Saturdays when bros go out and ...
Aug 29, 2022•1 hr 6 min
Who has no eyes, nose or mouth? Who wears Vans when they lumber about? They do, They do! Who stands six Nerf Blasters Tall? Who manifested Gritty’s downfall? They do, They do! Who unleashes play in you? Who shoots darts from their sea-doo ? They do, They do! Who wants you to touch some grass? Who wields a gun with maximum sass? They do, They do!
Jul 25, 2022•43 min
On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, unlike previous ones, this one is about…nothing. Like a Seinfield episode, I guess? Only with less New York references. If you ever wondered what a casual non-podcast conversation between the two of us sounds like, here it is, in its mildly edited glory. It’s two elder millennials having a couple of adult beverages, decompressing from the bowels of living in this late-stage capitalist hellscape by talking about stuff like concerts, Beach House, and greasy ...
Jul 04, 2022•1 hr 13 min
Katherine and Tanya, ooh, I wanna take ya There’s Adam and Tommy, Rocky’s got head trauma Kimberly and Jason (Baby Justin please stay home) In the next dimension There's a place with Maligor That's where you wanna go to get away from it all Dead bodies in the sand, spewing lava melting off your hand We'll be running away from the possessed drum band Down with Maligor Katherine and Tanya, ooh, I wanna take ya There’s Adam and Tommy, Rocky’s got head trauma Kimberly and Jason (Baby Justin please s...
May 30, 2022•42 min
Network Executive: “We at the network want a Power Rangers movie with attitude. It’s edgy. It’s in your face. You've heard the expression "Shift Into Turbo." Well, this is a movie that gets "Tur-Booo." Consistently and thoroughly. Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageously creepy puppet. We’re talking about vehicles with the power and velocity of turbo technology.” Writer: “Excuse me, but "Turbo" and "Velocity"- aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? N...
May 16, 2022•50 min
People can smell it a mile away. It’s real. Garlic. Molasses. Onions. Spices. You can come to a million of his barbecues and you’ll never see him mess with no dressed-up ketchup. No. Way. He needs the REAL stuff. So come on over to Bilkins’ house for some KC Masterpiece. Anything else just isn’t barbecue fit for your family. On this episode of Talking like a Teen, Adrian and Ashley take a break from helping man the grill to finish up their discussion on the fourth installation of the Fast & ...
Apr 18, 2022•52 min
Sometimes podcasting is recording something two years ago, technology ruining it, and then you forget to re-record it until you schedule a time to record with your podcast partner two years later, and neither of you really prepped to talk about your original topic, so you flail around until one of you stumbles upon a google document from the past. So the timeline makes about as much sense as the Fast and Furious timeline. (wink) So on this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Adrian and Ashley close ...
Mar 21, 2022•46 min
On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Adrian blindsided Ashley with our topic for the evening: Weezer. They go through Weezer’s discography and history, while also trying to navigate Rivers Cuomo’s progression from Indie Rock Darling to Karaoke Bar Annoyance. While trying to make their way on this weird road trip, they find their way to some weird tourist traps like World’s Biggest Snake on a Plane, a corn maze of Bette Midler’s face, and Metallica World. So get your Bugles and trail mix and m...
Feb 14, 2022•53 min
On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Ashley & Adrian tackle yet another set of year-end playlists. We discuss that despite the world being a metaphorical dumpster on fire, new releases this year were numerous and great. We go through our favorite hipster nonsense, rock gods, music TikTok tried to ruin, hip-hop, video game jams, and Garbage <3. We also filled our yearly Hockey Talk quota, as we mark the retirement of Ben Bishop (good job us, now we get to keep our hockey tag for another...
Jan 10, 2022•1 hr 6 min
On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Ashley and Adrian celebrate the release of Lil Nas X’s debut album Montero. They discuss some of the initial reactions and favorites, as well as The Dreaded Discourse around a talented musician trying to have fun while putting themselves through the dregs of self promotion. (Not that we’re biased on our opinions or anything.) Theyalso dip their toes into game show hosting territory as they quiz each other on some of the mostridiculously long song titles. T...
Nov 08, 2021•1 hr 3 min
On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Ashley & Adrian have stone-facedly lumbered from the Non-Podcasting Swamp, carrying our oil lamps and walking verrrrrrrrry slowly as we do our best Bray Wyatt impressions. (The video’s below, it’ll make sense, I promise.) We each sit down in our rocking chairs and then the stage lights come up and we begin to discuss the soundtrack for Scream 2 (1997), because it’s spooooooky season and that’s how we do things. We talk about the construction of movie s...
Oct 25, 2021•1 hr 3 min
This week we low-key introduced our mini-episode series entitled Conversing With An Adult. Ashley takes a brief moment to give listeners a heads up with what we've been up to plus get a little real about burnout and content creation. Thank you for sticking with us. It means more than you'll ever know.
Oct 19, 2021•12 min
“Communicator Bling” You always call me on my wrist watch After school when you need my help Call me on my wrist watch Weekends when you need my help And I know when that wrist watch sing That can only mean one thing I know when that wrist watch sing That can only mean one thing Ever since I started high school, you Got a reputation for yourself now Friends having fun and I feel left out Zordon ignoring labor laws, you got me stressed out Cause ever since I started high school, you Made me chill...
Jul 19, 2021•51 min
Centuries ago, a legendary interdemensional being known as ZORDON came to the city of Angel Grove to establish a recording studio for his never-ending struggle against boring programming. With the aid of his trusted assistant, ALPHA 5, the noble master sought out two extraordinary 30-somethings and gave them the power to transform into a superhuman fighting force. In time of great need, the young heroes could use their powers to call upon colossal audio programs known as PODCASTS. The identity o...
Jun 28, 2021•45 min
Adrian here. Despite the episode title, neither Ashley or I are in a great mood. It happens. WhatCulture insisted that they had a list of Top 10 songs proven to make us happy. Possible spoiler: It may have had the total opposite effect. Mistakes were made. However, you get the added bonus of laughing at our pain as we attempt answer some of music's most baffling questions: Why was the singer of New Radicals so hellbent on fighting Courtney Love and Hanson? Are the Beatles overrated? And why is A...
Jun 07, 2021•49 min
So, I’m going to see if Adrian can embed this meme from 2018 that we reference approximately 38 times in this episode, just for context. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Lb-A756On8) At any rate--back to business. We are wrapping up our desert island video game series before we get the hell off this island. (I’m very tired of mangos, y’all. I need a burger.) We talk some Sega and Nintendo games, do a deep psychological dive into Pokémon starters, shoot some paintballs at James Bond and his frien...
May 17, 2021•58 min
