Episode 192: Ding Dong Gone Wrong

What it do, Oh my God, what it do What it do What it do It is your boy Andrew Schultz. OK Mr. Goody 2 shoes and who am I with? As always, Joseph Huggins AKA old man Huggy. Talk shit or get off the pod. Episode 192. Ding Dong, stop it. I don't even know what that title is like. That's what Joseph put down. We'll figure it out. In the articles. Welcome. It's like a rant, and it's like a rant cause 'cause stupid shit. So I figure we'll touch, maybe touch on 2 topics before therapy

questions in our rambles. Usually what happens? And then we'll just talk about the cause. The articles are like, are I like them? But they're much more like kind of chill this week as opposed to sometimes or with everything that's going I well, I mean, I don't know about that. There's a little bit dark. Alert. I know that I was like. What do you mean? But but it's not like all you know. No, I get it. I get it. I I I get what you're saying.

Politics centric, there's all sorts of crazy shit going on. Right, right, right. And my therapy questions are goofy. Yeah. How are you, Sir? I'm good. How are you? How are you holding up? So so OK so finally I'm like like it, it ebbs and flows like some like like every time I think like I feel better like physically from like everything that's happened like the next day like I'll feel like like it just happened again. Like I just got like beat the fuck up by like 6 people.

So I got like I've never I thought it would be like a like a like a consistent like you're gonna every day you'll be in less pain type shit. And it's like some days I am, some days I'm not, you know, so it's weird. I saw the Dick doctor today, said everything looked good. Round of applause. Not Doctor Yang Da. He was in surgery. It was his nurse practitioner. Yang Yang saves the wing. Right. But remember, he's. He's flawless victory so they. We thought he was going to check the Wang.

Yeah, that's true. But the person who actually did, like, just as credible, you know what I'm saying? Well, yeah, I'm saying like, gang does flawless work, so he goes in there, he does his thing, he's like, check it, I don't give a fuck, I'm not showing up. It's going to be perfect. And they're like. Yep. No, no, I think he was in. It was an emergency surgery. He was like supposed to be there. Oh yeah, yeah, He just. Says follow, follows victories. So yeah, my, my, my word.

Like, what do you mean you're not showing up? He's like. My word like you gotta listen to this shit dude. Oh God your boy still has a fucking hard on and was told probably will for the next 4 fucking weeks and it's been 10 days but also I was supposed I was supposed to get the follow up appointment in five days that. Doesn't even work, so OK. So I was supposed to get the follow up appointment in five days. I don't even know why it's not

even scheduled ahead of time. Like before I even leave the hospital, right? So I have to schedule myself, call the motherfucking place the hospital was at. I have Kaiser which I said before. I remember you just tried to get the the referral.

Yeah, I had to get the referral. Get the fucking referral on Wednesday. Like I like I go to the I've scheduled but then I have to I have to wait till Wednesday, go to the appointment, have have someone look at my Dick so that Doctor Yang can look at my Dick. Then I get a call a day later

Thursday like at 4:30. 4/20 I should say from Kaiser telling me I never needed a referral anyways because it was emergency surgery and I'm covered for 90 days to go see Yang who's not necessarily Kaiser, he just worked at the hospital. But it was all good with Kaiser. So she just told me like I don't

even need a referral. I was like OK well I already got the motherfucking referral like so then she tells me to call back the place where Yang works where I was originally supposed to get the follow up appointment just to schedule the appointment. And then she gives me her name shout out Victoria and she goes if they give you any shit just let me know. I call, they're already closed, so I have to call back Friday morning and also Monday is a holiday. So as soon as I can get seen is

Tuesday today. And then I get a text like 2 hours later saying that my appointment's been cancelled because I need approval from Kaiser. I forgot what the exact word was, but it was so, so it sounded like like I needed a referral, but it, there's a 2 two different yeah, authorization. That's what I needed authorization from Kaiser. So they so they schedule me, cancel me and I'm like, what the

fuck? They just told me I didn't even need a referral and I didn't know the difference between the authorization referral. Call Victoria back. She actually answers the phone herself when I call like the random like Kaiser number, tell her she merges me on a three-way call with Yang's office. And then I and then and then basically just like goes to bat for me, schedules the appointment again, though not until today. So it's still like twice as long as, you know, it's supposed to

be 5 days now. No, no, we're 10. But at least I got the appointment back. Like, but like, yeah, she was just like a hard ass. Like we got put on hold and she goes, are you still there, Andrew? I go, I'm, I'm still here. I was like, I'm just now let you handle this. Like, And then she was just like, it was like as if like your mom was calling to like get you taken care of. That's how Victoria took care of me. She was just like, she was like, fuck you.

He needs an appointment. He had emergency surgery. You guys are being ridiculous. And then like then the person like apologized and like was like, sorry, sorry. We can just reschedule them for the same time. But I was also supposed to have an appointment with my General practitioner because they want to see me after the car accident and and it was the same day as today at the same time.

And I just chose the urologist over the the check up on like the car accident visit to me that was seemed more important so that so you know, it's not you know, it's a mess, but urologist. So everything seems to be healing well. So I was good, but then also hit me with like the four more weeks of walking around with an erection, which is just like what he I was like what the fuck was the surgery for? Like what are we doing? So here we are bro. I know this is this crazy weird

shit to talk about. I get. No, you're just it's. Just, it's just wild, just. Keeps going. But like, you know, like. Four more weeks, you're going to be like a month. That's when my father we're. Going to be a month over a month. We're already, we're already 10 days in. I know, yeah. Yeah, 40, yeah. That's 49. You're going to be over a month. You're going to be over a month. You're going to be on some Harrison Ford. 40 days, 40 minutes. You know what's so funny?

It's like, I don't even believe it. I was like, I don't even see how this is possible. But it has not stopped since two days before I went and got the surgery. Sam don't even know what to do did did not. It's like the most ironic, crazy, weird shit ever. It's like most of these are like worried, like are worried about like getting hard, you know, when they get and it's like, I I can't not have an erection right

now. And I also hope, I don't know, I just say this part, but I also, I also broke the doctor's orders. I don't want to hear about anything. Yeah, but I had to tell them. I had to tell them that too. You know? I was like, I know you all like told me like not to fuck around, but I did. And just but worth it for sure. Anyways. But also also also the other.

There's no, no, no. Well, the follow up being is that this the first time that I drove since I got in a car accident was to this doctor's appointment. And that was like actually kind of scary for me. Like my sister's out of town and she inherited my dad's BMW after he had the stroke. So I took her car to the appointment, which was in Ventura. It was like, it was like 25 minutes away.

But yeah, that's first time being hot, like being behind the wheel again, you know, after the accident, like, I didn't like, you know, I'm the baby driver lyricist. I thought it'd be fine like but it was like. Be stressful, it can be sketchy. Yeah, it's just the trauma, you know? Well, yeah. And you're just like, oh shit. So you just view it differently. It feels like you're going faster. It's like all just. No, I, I was going well, it was

a different car too. Like so like I like, I would like check the speedometer. I'd be like, I was going like 90 like, you know, like not even realizing. And I like just like I get like my bearings. Like German, German engineering will do that too. Yeah, yeah, that that car. Yeah, Bieber. 'S yeah, it's nice too. Like that kind of fucking flies,

dude. Like so it was just like I was just trying to get like my whole like homeostasis back and then like realized like more than once that like I was like going way too fast. Like and like usually I do go fast, but I know that I'm going fast. Like this was like I'd had, you know, I just didn't even know how to like handle any of this. And then but then at the same time it's like once like 25 fucking people like look at your Dick in a week and like touch it and shit.

Like you just like give zero fuck. So like when I was in the room with like the nurse, I'm just like, yeah, like let's just talk. Like they'll just here's look at it. Tell me. I just, I just want you because I have no idea what it's supposed to look like, if it's good or bad, you know, like after the surgery and it look crazy after the surgery. I don't know if that was normal. I just needed this fucking appointment just happened like

10 days instead of five days. So I was like, you know, I'm like over here with like ice packs and shit like and Tylenol and Advil and like just try to maintain and then but but so anyways, the point is she said that that everything looks like it's healing nice like nicely. And then hit me with a caveat that I might have a fucking erection for four weeks more, which is I'm telling you, it is so fucking weird.

Like out of like when you're in public, it's like, I'm like trying to be like, I know, I don't even know how to deal with it. But again, this is like, this is like something that I never thought that I could think about. Yeah, note to self, never anybody take Trazodone. That's right. That's right. Just don't. Just don't do it. I know and I think I used to take it like. That's crazy.

It's insanity, but also, but we don't know if it was, it probably was that, but we also, but also a spinal cord injury can 'cause this as well. And I fractured my vertebrae. So, so it's not actually officially the Trazodone. However, whenever I talk to them, it was the Trazodone and the spine were brought up and basically it's like they don't it's not confirmed what caused it, but it's it feels like the Trazodone which which just gets handed out like candy dude.

Like I don't even get it. Like, yeah, and also y'all the if you have an restroom for four hours or more, call a doctor. Like that's real. Like I just thought that was some like motherfucking like legal, like lawyer being like, yeah, just hit him with like 4 hours. And that way like we don't have to like deal with any lawsuits.

Nah and but what I was trying to say is what I something I never thought I could think about is like, you know, maybe in the back of my head or subconsciously I'd be worried about like one day getting like erectile dysfunction just 'cause that's like what happens to old people or something. This is the opposite. And it's like, like did not even cross my mind that this could happen period, and that it was as serious as it is. Like, so that's, that's the part

where I that's why I like bring. I'm still bringing it up. Well, I bring it up because I just tell people everything. But like I'm, but like also like, like I was like making jokes about it, you know, like I had no fucking clue that like that this could even like this is like, it's like I'm in the fucking twilight zone, dude. It's like worried about like that. I can't get hard eventually in my life or something, you know, like, you know, might have

crossed my mind a few times. No, I can't not be hard. It's a curse. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you either, except for everything. Well, I'm doing good and we got some rain in Texas, so. Shout out. Shout out. Actually, like a shit ton, yeah. Too much again. Pick a flood. No, the right amount. And for the house I've been working on like my yard doing this landscaping. So it's like helping the grass that I do have grow so it's exploded.

So that's fucking awesome 'cause I haven't really had to spend any money on grass shit. It's just been like slowly growing, so that's nice. They say it's the coolest summer we've had since 2008. We've only had six days or seven days of triple digits. So global warming, what? Although that's actually being Texas standards. That's great. I remember 1. Time I know, but is the summer over though? 60 or like Is the summer over though?

I mean, it's cooling down substantially now because of all this rain. We're supposed to get more. We'll see. I didn't know those two things were correlated. But. Because it'd be like 90, it'd be like 90° out here. And I got like an alert. There's gonna be like thunderstorms in LA. But there's been all this craziness 'cause I guess they released a bunch of Epstein files 33,000 but it's all the same shit everybody knows about. So everyone's like scrambling around and I was like, this is

not, not new shit at all. And then they're gonna have to do another vote to release more stuff. I'm like, dude, like. The whole thing, every time we release the chat, I can't I, I just can't let this dude every. Time. There's like a chapter. We have to like, release it chapter by chapter Like it's fucking no, it's Game of Game of Thrones. Yeah, I mean, it's just so obvious what's happening. It's like it's like Trump is a Petter ass and like he's the one

who's in charge. Of so another thing that was going around is that he's like losing his shit. No, like, but like his health is like seriously declining because everybody's talking. About his, you don't say. Falling ankles and his bruised hands and his hands with makeup and all this shit. I've been saying he's a fucking diabetic 80 year old bro. Like what do you mean who wears makeup? What's going on?

Like like why did it's like I get Biden with slipping but it's like has Trump ever been on point? The dude is bat shit crazy. Yeah, and he was like, just taking like pseudoephedrine, like diet pills all the time. Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was taking speed back in the day. Like what? Like the fact that like anybody even thought like the I don't even like anybody who voted for him just because of the health issues of Biden. You're crazy, you.

Know, yeah 'cause he's crashing pretty quick, I mean. I mean, God willing, all praise, all praise be to be a law. But Jesus. But that's, I mean, it's funny to see people freaking out about this stuff like they're going to get anything new out of it. So like, oh, we have everybody scouring over these documents and if there's updates, it's like it's going to be the same shit.

I mean, unless like, I don't know how many times we're going to have to vote before we get to the stuff we don't know about, like. I just want to know like who because like like who is like actually like running point on like the the weird shit that like they do, you know, like like who's like giving like them advice. Something like this is how you should handle the Epstein shit. Oh, I'm. Because I know it's not Trump and I also don't like, I, I know why they're not giving us all

the information. It's because Trump's involved with Epstein all the, all the fucking time. I get that part. But like, like, I just want to know like who's like, all right, this is, this is the strategy. This is what we're doing. And then and then like, you know, just like or like the tariff shit, you know, it's. Like they show they have those cabinet meetings and it's just. Like I know but but. Everybody like.

Sucking him, trying to suck his like little Dick, like it's just like, yeah, I just want to like I'm just, I wanna be a fly on the wall basically whenever they're having these conversations about how they're gonna like be corrupt and grifting and like handle shit because.

Whoever I wanna see like. Like, we know Stephen Miller's involved, but I just wanna know, like, if it it like he's not telling people what to do. Like, I'm like, you know, he's probably just like, plotting at all times, 'cause he's the Santa Monica fascist. Like he's like yelling shit in the meetings. Like he, like he, he, Yeah. Like if it was up to him, like, you know, he. Always sounds mad. He's never like. Oh yeah. If it was up to him dude like this shit would like be like escalated.

I just want to know who makes the final decision and why. Like, I just because it's like, I don't like it. I have like a mental block. I'm like, why does he even care? Like he's sending in like the National Guard to Chicago. It's like, like who told you to do that 'cause I know like you didn't think about that. They they all told him no, they're like fuck off. He's like, no. I know, but but but I don't but like you think he like came up with that idea because it feels like he didn't.

And and then I also don't even know why that he's doing like, like why he even cares. Like it feels like he's just so like. Got the military walking down O block, Dave. Yeah. It's like, it's like who is actually coming up with this shit? This dude, All he wants to do is stay the fuck out of jail and then get money in golf. Like it's like who the fuck is actually and why? And that's because distractions to distractions. From the whole thing is just weird.

It's like it's just weird. He disappeared for a week, no one knew where he was, and then he just reappears today at 2:00 to give some press conference where he's rambling about. Well, that. Topics. We won't talk about it, but. Well, that would add to DC time, I guess. Yeah, so he reappeared whenever whenever I walked in and got my Dick licked at again the exact same time. That's probably what. Is it? We got to wait. We got to make sure the boy's good.

And he is, except for he isn't. Make sure the Glizzy's great. Got to check it. Make the glizzy great again. That's what I told them. I went in and I said we need the best. Everyone says you're the best. That's a lot of people are. A lot of people actually talk about how they might be the best here. Do people actually refer to Dicks as glizzies? Because that is genius if you just came up with that. No, Well, Glizzy is like. It's a hot.

Dog. Yeah. Yeah, but I, I didn't, I didn't know that like. It just felt right, Glizzy, it just. It did. It did feel right. Off the tongue. I guess I'm just mad that I didn't make that pun before you did, I guess. Some would say I'm punnier than you, a lot of people. Nobody would say that. Would say that. Nah. It's a tragedy. It's one of the worst deals we've ever had. Him and his puns. Nah bro I just dropped private

concord on YouTube and she went. She went off on 1100 views in like an hour, 'cause I'm so punny. Live it up. And then what else happened? The no, the Google, the Google court case crap. Did you see that where it was something? About Yeah, yeah, they, they banned them from like being able to make deals about it being like the, the only search engine that you or like being the first thing that pops up like as a

search engine. Yeah. But that was, that was like, yeah, 'cause they had to fuck a monopoly, but then like were lying about it and like, they were like paying like, like apples paying them. They were paying apple like to where they were like pricing people out of even competing to be like the search search engine and just automatically would be that. And it was and that's illegal. So I mean, that's good.

I like I like that. Like it's like and also guess what, Google, guess what, 10 years ago, you're the way that like you search for shit on Google looked exactly the same. And the only reason why it hasn't gotten even better is because nobody is competing with them so they don't have to fucking make it better. So that's where you still type in. You have to. And then you never go to the second page, right?

And it's just like sponsored, sponsored, sponsored bullshit, bullshit, bullshit search engine optimization. Have you ever gone gone on a Google search and went to the second page? Maybe. But you're looking, you're looking at like links and shit. You know what I'm saying? It's like, it's like, like that's what that's what's wrong with monopolies is like, it's like when you don't have competition, then you don't need to improve yourself. Yeah, there's no innervation

without competition. Right. So it's just like, so they're just like fat and lazy and then also acting monopolistic. Like clearly, like, you know, there's like, we're just going to bribe these motherfuckers to like. Well, we've seen. So they've seen like so now Google, there was Microsoft. Back on YouTube. We're on YouTube, owned by Google right now. Just just no. Oh yeah, they own, they own a lot of shit. Alphabet, that shit's back. That's that's the parent

company. When you like, I remember we think it was Microsoft that got broken up back. Yeah. So Microsoft. It was like the biggest, Yeah, that was like the that was like the landmark, like monopoly shit, for sure. Like we've seen all, we've seen a cut, we've seen companies be broken up for being monopolies. They're all in the tech sector, all structure structured around the Internet and structured

around like hardware and. Every single and well then even before the Internet, like telephone companies like, you know, like AT&T was like South, you know, it was like Bell or whatever. Southwestern Bell. Yeah, like and and they broke them up, but guess what? Every single time you break up these monopolies, not only great for the shareholders, great for the public.

It's like like a lot of times. But the reason, yeah, I don't know, like, so the there is this dynamic where it's like as the CEO of a conglomerate, you get paid basically on the market cap, right. So you're just trying to acquire shit. However, it would be better if Google spun off YouTube for the shareholders cause the shareholders still get the shares in YouTube. That's a different company than Google. But that's bad for the people who the executives of Google as

far as their salary goes. So you have like David Zasloff, like he's like running like HBO Max and or whatever the fuck they call it now only 7 times, right? And then there's like giving them like 50, fucking $1,000,000 a year while the fucking stocks in the tank. But it's because he owns Discovery and you know, it's like all this shit. And so he doesn't want to give it up even though it's bad. And then it's also preventing competition, which is bad for innovation like you said.

And it's just, and our girl, Lena Khan, was doing a great job. And I will say, I will say, though, this might be one bright spot of the Trump administration. Like where like the Democrats and the Republicans agree. It's like AOC and who's the dude, our boy who's also a sex offender who no longer is in

Congress, Anthony Weiner? No, no. Matt Gates. Matt Gates, Matt Gates, it's like AOC and Matt Gaetz both agree like with Lena Khan going after these companies and from monopolistic behavior. And so this is like, it is a like, you know, maybe a positive right point like of like, you know, where we all kind of like agree, like this is just bad for society if you just let this shit happen. Oh God, you heard it here. Therapy questions. You ready?

Therapy question #1 Would you rather be trapped in a mall where every store only sells mannequins of yourself, or in a zoo where every animal has your face? Well a mall where every of every store only sells mannequins of me. That sounds lonely. So at least if like you're at the zoo, you could befriend like the alligator that's got your face and like the hippo that's got. So they should have like shit to chill with but some of them would be dangerous. You're chilling with the the you.

Wouldn't like, you wouldn't like hang out with like snake You, you know that, Like you know. Well, well, every zoo is a petting zoo if you're brave enough. I suppose, but you know, I'd hang out with the lemurs, would you? Yeah, lemurs are chill. As fuck. I hang out with some cool wild animals, leave the others alone, make sure they get fed and I don't know how many. Wild animals are cool with hanging out I I regardless if they. Have your face or not. No, I think.

Lemurs are pretty chill, are they? What? How do you know what a? Lemur is bro. They're like they're little. Gray, Gray and black monkeys. But they have like these stripes. Are they like? And they like, jump around. They leap around. They're fucking crazy. OK, Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. I know what a lemurs are tight as. Fuck, so like I'd hang out with those types of animals, I'd feed the rest. I'd make sure tiger me. I wish that's a feed them. Nobody put you in. Charge, I'm a fucking zoo.

I'm well, I'm trapped in a. Zoo with a bunch of animals that look like me. I got to take care of them while I'm trying I'm. Not going to let. No, I forgot. I forgot the trap part I. Forgot the trap part. I want can't let. Bald eagle mean you're in the trap. House and yeah, because that would be more.

Traumatizing than being in a store full of a trapped in a mall full of mannequins, just being in a trapped in a zoo full of animals that look like you and then you have to watch like all these different versions and a more versions of yourself die over and over again. That OK, dark. Alert. That would be. That would be. That would be terrifying. That would be scarier. I didn't think, I didn't think that far into this. That's that's why he got me

here, man, I think. But but no, I agree with you. Obviously, I think that I would just subconsciously have to like just be just take care of these animals. Yeah, that's just I I watch them now. That's what I do and someone else will show up to be trapped and that's whenever my shift ends. 00 is that is that. Yeah, maybe it's like some purgatory. Or something. But like, right, it's your turn.

And then you watch all their faces change and they change back to normal, and he sees his face just. Like the crazy old man that you put the mushrooms down, put the fucking mushroom. No, I don't need them. It's called imagination. I see. My goal is to like get you to say crazy shit and that's why I make the therapy questions crazy. But like, I don't like think about it as deeply ahead of time as you do. So I didn't even you always you.

Just throw me off. Guard, like I'm just like, 'cause like this happened before where you're like, whoa, this part of the therapy question, I'm like, oh, I didn't think about that part. Yeah, I've dissected. The whole thing I know, but, and I mean, I don't really read them. I read that one right, right but. 15 minutes before we get on but. I I try, I don't try not to look at them. Yeah, my goal is. To make it weird your and then your goal is to I just answer them honestly.

Yeah, exactly. And I do. Too. I just, yeah, I don't know, just threw me off there with the being trapped part. But also like what? What's a mall? It still exists, that's what. I just say to boomers, it's like. What's a newspaper? What is that? And then like the land landline. So you had a phone come out of your yard.

It came up out of the ground like I remember saying to one of my. Co workers, it was like, 'cause I was like the youngest person on my sales team back a couple companies ago, like by far, like decades. And hey, he said something about a disco and I was like, what the fuck? Said disco. And he was like thought I was like dead serious and, and he was like trying to explain it. And I was like, dude, I'm just fucking with you. I'm just making you look old. Like I know. What a disco is I?

Know what a newspaper is there? Be question #2 would you rather your dreams be directed by Tim Burton or your nightmares be narrated by Doctor Seuss? I mean, probably Tim. Burton cause at least it'd just be a dream so I know it'd be solid. It'd be kind of spooky. All the spooky people in the dream would be chill. That sounds pretty tight. That wouldn't be too off base. Having Doctor Seuss do a nightmare narrate it.

Or narrate it. He'd narrate it so there'd be word, there'd be words, speaking over what you're doing you'd like. Where the fuck is that coming from? And I imagine. Being trapped in like a Doctor Seuss just universe with this like a Tim Burton Tim Burton Tim. Burton Dream that's like we. Can we can get kind of like? Creepy like, but it's still gonna be a good message. 'Cause it's a dream, Is it a nightmare before? Christmas or some shit, yeah, but people love that, that.

Fucking movie. No, I know, but I don't. I got. It's a classic, classic. Love story but but but hey low. Key low key hat in the hat Horror Story he shows the. Big ass cat shows up the fuck to your house, trashes the place. No, no, he's just narrating. The nightmare. He's not he's he's not like illustrating it. He's not, he's not illustrating it. Or a tiny I guess. To me it's like. I'd rather just have a dream than a nightmare. That means it's as simple as

that right off the bat. But if Doctor. Seuss is narrating your nightmare. He's basically writing your nightmare. I know, but I'm also like. The word play, it's all like, I don't know, like. I don't know. I mean like your boy. Likes to rhyme and green eggs and ham being a. And that by some dude. He just makes you eat rotten food the whole time. That sounds terrifying. In a box with a fox. He's got some rabbit ass fox in the corner. Like fuck that. Like a Doctor Seuss.

Well, I'd wanted to be. Like a rigid it'd have to be original shit like architecture would be all. No, I don't want. Him like repeating like box in the fox, whatever the fuck. No, I know. I want him. I want Doctor Seuss coming off like the top of the Dome. If it would have to be, it'd be that. Sounds even scarier. You're letting him go out of bounds, out of the confines. One of the best of the game. Though of our childhood outside of the box. I'm.

Saying I'm saying his. His books as a Horror Story like that, as they exist now, is absolutely terrifying. What would he come up with? If that's what he's shooting for, get out of here. Well, no, this is the way I see it. Is the nightmare is happening OK? Horton kills a who? You're like oh shit bro that's fucked up dude. Whoville. I remember that place. Because that's what that scary ass green monster that lives on the mountain? The Grinch.

You didn't see the movie before this, the prequel. It doesn't say Doctor. Seuss characters, It'd be like any nightmare that you have. He's just rhyming over it. I agree it's still worse. But. He's like, he's like. Like Dave Attenberg like on like, you know, like a planet Earth, but but but it's Doctor Seuss and it's a what if that's like super therapeutic. And you come out like feeling better. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

Tim Burton scares me a little bit if he's giving you like. The underlying meanings to your dreams in real time and Doctor Seuss speak. That'd be cool, that's what. The question is. He's not. Creating. The nightmare He's just telling you what's happening during your nightmare in. Rhymes one. Fish I I would have some fish, red fish, blue fish, fish. It was Bradley who stole. Your favorite lunch dish, Snack, paddywhack Give the dog. A bone, that mother, that motherfucker.

Man, I knew he wake up that piece of shit, but I'd still. Take a Tim Burton. Dream. Well, yeah, I guess if we're assuming. That a Tim Burton dream is not a nightmare then obviously, because who the fuck was like once a nightmare in general? Like Edward Scissorhands, if you. Like had a dream in an Edward Scissorhands world. That would be pretty trippy. And well, I'm saying like that's

like that's. What that's my hesitation is that Tim Burton's capable of Nightmare Before Christmas and Edward Scissors hand so like, I don't know how chilled this dream is going to be. That's one of the SO. There is an old Paul Mooney. Joke ripi fucking love it's talking about white people in. Movies and he just talks about how white people can make shit up and just name stuff whatever

the fuck they want. And he's like, he's like white piece of white people's movies are getting out of hands like scissorhands. Like what the fuck Scissorhands. And he just keeps saying that these like lays into it. He's like someone is smoking crack. Someone at the studio is smoking crack right now. Scissorhands. And Oh my God, there's Bobby. Johnny Depp, Johnny. Depp, it's like it's. Such a good bit because if you like Paul Mooney, how he he says it is, how do you not like Paul Mooney?

Like just he's, he could be. Offensive and then at the end like so come on at the. End. He's just like. Ranting about crazy shit. He's like, everybody's trying to put vaccines in your feet and the governments watching you. And I was like, bro, Paul Mooney is he's like, I say it like it is. I said, like, you do whatever. He's like Catwoman. He's. Like one of those underrated motherfucking comedians on the planet like that. You can't, but you can't really say.

Underrated because he wrote so much, he did so much. No reputation. Speaks for himself, he's just. Like the shadows you don't like. I think I feel like he is. Underrated though. Yeah, I mean, he can really get. His like public fame shine till late like Chappelle show like but. As a but as a writer, I mean. That's no, no, I get it. I just don't feel like.

That like, like, OK, like people will like list off like George Carlin, Richard Pryor, you know, like those are the guys I I used to like download their shit on Napster and like listen to it, you know, like in my room like for hours. And he's just not in that he's not in that list. He's not considered that way, but he. Also was like but he should be, but he should be. Yeah, yeah. But I'll I'll find. It and I'll, I'll I'll I like Paul Mooney, but then more than

I like. Richard Breyer, I'll. I'll send you I'll. Send you the link, bro. Every time I listen to it I'll bust out fucking laugh and it's just how he delivers it. Yeah, Tim Burton for me. Yeah, Sam, even though. I like to I. Like to hear Dark Doctor Seuss rhymes? Because that might be kind of tight. I, I, I your boy's been through a lot. Like I. That just sounds like a nightmare. Sounds like you're like AICP music video like. Woo woo, woo woo you.

Got that Fago? Therapy question #3 Would you rather your laugh sound like a chainsaw or sneeze sound like a flute solo sneeze? My laugh sounds like a chainsaw. That'd be terrifying. You'd be. Banned from like public. Events. You couldn't go to a comedy show like that? Sounds fucking awful. Like what? Unless. You're really, unless you're Elon, man, straight up. I'm not even trying to beat me. You would, they would give you, you would be totally allowed to

park in handicap parking. They would, the moment you got your license, they would just have you'd be like and also what's what's wrong? With the flute? Like what's wrong with the flute? Cell though your. Boys like producing music. I'm I'm trying to hit the 1st as much as I can. Looks like some Chewbacca shit. Dude, you'd just be like making the wildest fucking sound and you couldn't if you giggled. What would it be like that? Like the engine, like.

Like rumbling if you laugh like what the fuck bro like get out of here get man and I laugh. I laugh a lot more than I sneeze, too. That, that, that you could find somebody. That's a factor. That's a factor I don't have. Your boy doesn't have allergies, so that's like you could find somebody. That could love you when you sneeze and have a flu solo. Of course it was beautiful. You, you are not going to find somebody that loves you if you every time you laugh, it sounds

like a fucking chase. I would say. Like maybe I would say. Maybe a flute solo sneeze is better than just a normal sneeze. It's like an upgrade. It's like an upgrade. You couldn't like go on a. Jog with a significant other and they could make you laugh and you could laugh out loud in the neighborhood and not get fined by the HOA for using power tools outside Before 7 like after before I was saying it's as loud as a. Chainsaw too, or just or just or just sounds like that's what I said.

It's got to depend like a. Loud laugh would probably sound like a chainsaw, so a giggle would sound like just like an idling like more like an electric chainsaw. Chainsaw or if you're like gas powered one or something, whenever you whenever you like. Like laugh like that. It'd be like, like, it'd be like you pull the choke cord. It's got to be a sneeze flute solo. Pulling the Pulling the choke. Cord, dude. Like if you just like kind of. Like you couldn't.

It all sounds terrible. It. Does sound like, well, you know, like when like when you like can't stop laughing, you know, but you're trying to that that does sound kind of fun. You would have some good moments. Where like everybody would fuck with you because they'd be like, hey, that's, that's a crazy old man who lives on the mountain and no one talks to him. Why you have to live on the mountain? You would totally have to isolate yourself. At this point, at this point, you're isolated.

You realize you're not fit for a society. Oh my God, you don't like? Them they don't like you. You're self, you're super self aware. Yeah. Oh, you know, how would you? Not be, Oh my God, if you're not, if you laugh and it sounds like a chainsaw and you're not aware of how bad that is, Like, are you shitting me? I'm just saying like, I don't know. I don't know if like the both things I could make I could make more.

Excuses if like I saw my neighbor walk outside with no pants on it. Like maybe he's tired, maybe he's sick, maybe he's dropping erection at all. Times if I if I walked up to someone. Who was like, dude, you're allowed is your laugh is obnoxious and sounds like a chainsaw and they went what really I would might hit that person. I might hit them. That might be the moment. I'd be like, you know what life you're not terrified of? This person already life life has white.

Gloved you to this point, it's time for me to UFC glove you and teach you like like yes, you're I wouldn't fuck with I would not. Fuck with somebody who laughs like a chainsaw. I would be. I would be scared, but that's what I was saying. It's so you've. Isolated yourself. You're in the woods. When people fuck with you, you can make like people would think like every time if you go up there, he chases us with a chainsaw so you could just run

out. Doctor Seuss. Narrates it and like, laugh hysterically. And just sound like and like you're chasing them through the woods. You don't have any weapons, you're just chasing them. Cop cops show up now man. Check the cameras out I'm going to have. Nightmares now tonight of fucking Doctor Seuss who's going to narrate it of some tube laughing like a chainsaw. Jeez, the mountains stuff. You only say the mountains. Because you ain't have mountains in Texas and then you think

you've. Escaped, and then you run into a zoo. Run into a zoo full of animals. That look like that look like that look like you, but I'm a. Man, I, I work there and I'm a mannequin. I'm like it's your shift now and then I just add you a mop and disappear. I don't even know if we can publish this like we're like, without a public service announcement ahead of time. Like, yeah, we're trauma bonding right now, dude. I mean this. Is just great. You're it's freaking you out.

So I'm loving it. It's fun, but I mean I didn't. Realize what I did to us by putting it into yourself. These are. Great. I just keep. I just keep doing it. Just keep doing it to myself, OK? Final therapy question, You know, therapy question #4. Would you rather only be? Able to drink liquids out of baby bottles or eat solids with gardening tools. I think it's more complicated than the other ones because of your recent situation of you becoming a green thumb out in

the back talking garden. Garden tools would. Be difficult. What do you mean? Eat solids with. Gardening tools I guess you could find smaller ones that make it happen so it'd be pretty normal. Drink liquids out of baby bottles. The only way you pull that off is if like you make it like a part of your persona on some pimp shit. That's what I'm saying and you just. Got to like stick with it. You know what I'm saying? Like in Don't Be a Menace and toothpick like he's that's exactly what.

I was going to say, don't be a menace. Like, like, that's like the vibe there. It's like, yeah, where he's like wearing. It's like a stick, you know? It's like the. OG like you have to just own it but. Also like, dude, you're so like you're pimpin. You're no. Yeah, but I mean your.

Your pimpin better be very. Fucking strong if you're coming out here with the baby bottles when you just need water, bro when you just need to get hydrated, let alone like anything else and and exclusively on the baby bottles like then people if you stick with.

It long enough people and you do it like that to that extent and it's just like what you do then people at some point the community would back you up so somebody new moves to town what's up with this dude if it was you and I but like. I don't think everybody could get to play with that, No. What's up with that dude with he's? Always drinking out baby bottles. That's weird. What is that? He's like yo man, he's he's always been like that man. He's always drinking out baby bottles talking.

So if you're obviously. You'd have to be consistent because that's just what the drink out of. So it's. At some point it would become. Either one would become a part of who you are. You could start a wave. And people just start surfing it and all of a sudden everybody's like drinking out of baby bottles and you can cook with regular.

Utensils it's just eat solids. So you would like, I'm thinking like you could get like a. Fucking like, like the one of those like little like scoop shovels, like, you know, for like a like a tiny garden that and just eat your food out of it. Like doesn't seem like that crazy. Yeah, they'll just be like quirky. Yeah. Baby bottles, baby balls. You have to, like, own. Yeah, you just kind of. You have to, but I mean, that's all you drink out of. Well, I'm thinking like

practically. You know, I don't know. You were the one who was saying that. Eating are you are you have like 1 of. These and you just have a big rubber nipple on it and you're like well that was the other that was the. Other thing I said Sup y'all what's? Up you ready to get down on this three on three or what your your

your boy might have sent this. Sent the notes ahead of time to to someone and then they had a comment on that on that one and I said if the baby bottles you have titties then did definitely. Well, that's that's on. Pod. You heard it here first. Folks. Because I mean, yeah, definitely. I think our baby bottle for like until the. For the purpose of. Difficulty. I choose liquids out of baby bottles. I don't know.

I I just don't know. If I can commit to that like I like is gardening to if anybody could. I could but. I just don't know if I want to do that gardening. Tools. You have some girl over. I made dinner all the way to get a knife and fork. No, sorry. Here's a hoe and a spatula. How hard is it to get liquid? Out of a baby bottle, like there's a here's a sickle because it because it feels like it's like you'd. Like you could like, like let's say you.

Needed like to chug like a glass of water. I bet you couldn't do that with the baby lot, but it's a baby bottle. You can. Take the nipple off, it says no you can't. It says nothing about. Keeping the lid on, OK, well, that's part of. This like OK then you so good you. Like cut the whole if you just take the lid off. Then it's just a cut. Just it's got a. Numb on the on the I'm on the teeth. A little bit. I have no idea what the flow is like from the baby bottle.

I don't know either, but we'll we'll. Figure it out. We'll figure it out on the fly. But I know that if I could. Use like a gardening. Shovel to. Like scoop up my steak. I could get it just as quickly as like a fork. I do know that when I'm. Stressed it makes a great Binky and it calms me down. So where's my bottle the the oral fixation? Part Now you're right, you're right. And your boy, you know, might have you know, I don't call it a Binky, but I'm getting a big boy

bed. Next month, so. So whatever I mean to be. Honest, I wasn't prepared for all of those questions, but I feel like I kind of crushed them again, I mean. You served up some good ones. But I just hit home runs. I came up with the questions. Your answers might have been better than mine. That was my answers, don't know what I'm saying. That's not. What I'm saying, Yeah, it was a nice hollow loop. It was a nice hollow loop. No, that was very good. Those were very good.

Questions. Thank you. Thank you. That's all I wanted to hear. What if I said you don't do good? Questions. I've never no, I just. Sometimes I just need reassurance, especially when you boys down, like go and see Dick doctors and you know, sounds like my boy's up. It'll be up for a couple weeks, then it's up, then it's. Up. Then it's stuck. Yeah. So it's you. Know I don't know you ready for. Articles where you. Need. Do you need a break? Let's just take a real quick one. Like but.

We have weeks. Are you kidding me? Like we will be, We will be. Back in a second, nobody told me that. And now we're back for the. Topics. Interesting all right articles. First one is from the BBC. This is around the title of the story and we'll talk about this for a little bit, but a Texas man charged with murder and shooting of child playing doorbell prank or Ding Dong ditching people. This has happened like at least. Two or three times. This year, well, you and I had always.

Like I've been talking for years, like, like if we used to do the shit that we did back in the day, today, that's what happened to us. You get shot. Yeah. This 42 year old man has been charged with murder for allegedly shooting an 11 year old boy who rang his doorbell and ran away. Julian Guzman was playing Ding Dong ditch prank prank game of ringing doorbells just before 2300 hours local time on Saturday night in Houston, TX when he was shot, police said.

The man, identified as Gonzalo Leon Junior, was taken into custody on Tuesday and has been booked in Harris County Jail. Officers were told that Guzman was ringing doorbells of homes in the area and running away. A witness stated Guzman was running from a house after ringing the doorbell just prior to suffering a gunshot wound. Police said Guzman was wounded when he arrived at the scene and was taken to a nearby hospital. He later died on Saturday. Which is super fucking sad.

Like super fucking sad that you someone would get shot doing that. We can rant about it in a second. But one person was detained on scene for questioning was later released. A witness recalled that someone ran out of that house and was shooting at the kids running down the street. Unfortunately, sadly enough, one of the boys was 11, was shot in the back. Doesn't look like any type of self-defense. Ding Dong ditch. Pranks, which are becoming increasingly popular on TikTok,

have led to deadly shootings. A Virginia man was charged in May with second degree murder for allegedly shooting a teenager who was filming A TikTok of himself playing the prank on the man's home. And I think that was it like 11 or something or was it or might have been actually like later like early morning times like? The time because you just, you just said the kid who got shot was eleven. No, no, the no, no, no. The kid was the one in Virginia.

I'm pretty sure that that one, but you're but you're when you said. 11 This time you meant the time of day. Yeah, the time of day. It was like late. And then a California man was found guilty of murder in 2023 for killing three teenage boys by ramming his car into them after they had rung his doorbell as a prank. See. So this is my own thing. Stop Ding Dong ditching. Like, it's not like I used to do

some wild shit. Wild. I mean, I think I've told the story When I threw the fire, we used to ring doorbells and throw fireworks at people. So people would come outside and I'd throw an M80, which is like a little mini stick of dynamite like at them. And then we'd take off. And I told, you know, that one guy acted like he got shot and like, like that. Would make kind of more sense, like for the the reaction, yeah,

his reaction was that. He got shot, so no, I know, but but you know what I'm saying like. If like somebody's like throwing explosives at you, like OK, maybe so like long story for. People who hadn't heard the story before, back in the day we used to like Ding Dong ditch and as you were getting older, you got to get more creative to raise the stakes cause like just ringing a doorbell and running away, it's a progressive disease. Yeah, it doesn't it like. Dies off.

Like, while that's still fun, every once in a while you can get a good reaction out of somebody who would completely meltdown because you do it. And then you hit them like two or three times and they're just like crashing the fuck out 'cause they can't find you or they go look for you. But we upped the stakes, so I was on roller blades at the time. Not the missing, but fruit. But. That was. Pretty good on my. Blades, man, it doesn't matter. I had. I had the big three.

I had the big three, so I played hockey. I played. Hockey dude like what do you mean there? Fruit. Fruit booter. That's K2. K2 backyard bobs man the the better. Rollerblader you are, the more fruity the booty you are, I think. But yeah. I would. There's this one guy, big yard. They ring the doorbell. I wait by the mailbox and as he comes out I throw it, throw a big M80 at him in the Bush by him so he opens up the door. It booms and goes off.

The echo is loud because this isn't South Lake so they have these big obnoxious fucking arched doorways in Texas where we grew up. And this dude? Stumbles down like makes this, grabs his like stomach like he got shot and like groans and then stops, looks around and then slams the fucking doors. Funniest shit I've ever seen. One of the funniest things I've ever seen. But we used to like go Ding Dong, do we?

We would sticky and a bunch of us, we would like crash spend the night at somebody's house, right? We would put tents in the backyard. We would dress up in military fatigues in all black spray. Paint Squirt. Guns and shit all black so they look like fucking guns and we would go run around the

neighborhood at night. We would sneak out, go Ding Dong ditch people, go mess with people, act like we were like Seal Team 6 running through South Ridge Lakes at like which is a neighborhood in. South Lake, Yeah, which is just a very. Ritzy bougie white neighborhood that I grew up in and we're running around at like 1:00 in the morning dressed up in like full blown military fatigues carrying like spray painted MP fives like crazy shit, crazy

shit. I remember one time we were going to go ring Brad Hall's dork doorbell and oh, we're we're hit him with the full. Fucking name his. Dude. Well, Brad's got his own little phone because that dude, there's a video of him, he just dead lifted like 810 lbs like it's a fucking monster, dude. So we went to go ring that dude's doorbell and his fucking mom busted out chasing us down the street and threatened to accuse us of trying to Egger house.

I was like, I was just trying to ring a doorbell, but I walked up like. Like dude, like so. Bad like you would be arrested. My black ass would be shot 100 percent, 100%. And so the and. Then like it added like the. Ring camera effect, you know. Oh see, the Ring camera fucked it up. Yeah. Did the cameras, the cameras really fucked up the well that that's kind of like where? I was going but like even. But even if they didn't exist, doing what you just said you did is.

But there are ways. Where you could, if you got like a big mirror, like a body mirror, you could like, you could walk up towards it and keep it in front of you and they'd never see you and you could ring the doorbell and then run. But I mean, you do. And they're going to be like. Hey. Are you dropping? Are you dropping knowledge? Right now, 'cause that. But there's I never even thought about how to get around a Ring camera. I just thought you weren't raised by Nancy.

Lynn Huggins dude, come on bro. You got it, dude. Dude that is like the. Most toxic shit I've ever heard in my life is a strategy to to deflect the ring camera so you can go to somebody's door. Well, that's I remember I. Remember, I just told you I watched all the Mission Impossibles and it has that screen that he uses and then he. Walks it towards, in it and then. So when they look at it, it's. Reflecting like you, just like I thought you just. Came up with that like well, I

mean, yes, but you. Didn't let me finish the other part or have done that. Didn't let me finish the other part. I'm letting you finish. The biggest issue with it is. You're probably going to get caught or someone would see you because they need to be running down the street with a big ass fucking body mirror. They'd be like, hey man, who rang my doorbell and bolted like that kid, they carrying that big fucking mirror, You could see them. Does it have to?

Does it have to be a body? Mirror could it just They have to be big enough to cover. Yeah, they want to cover your face. Then you got to change. Clothes like, oh, then it's like a car chase. Like there you got to wear a sweatshirt so you can change the basketball shorts underneath them. So then you're like, no, what do you mean blue pants, Red Hat? I don't know that you have to. So therapy question number.

Five. Would you rather have one that just covers your face so that it's not as conspicuous, or would you rather have one full body length so that they can't see you at all? Full body length. 'Cause even for me that's problematic, so I carry. Around that, well see, but this is. This is where your white privilege is showing. See, for me, my capacity, hey, I didn't. See his face? But he's it was a black guy, and there's eight of them in the neighborhood. Well, not if you were all dressed.

In like whip out the HO well. Yeah, but that it's even. I mean, at that point it was even less than that. It was like he was black and it was a boy. Well, there's Tyra, and then there's those. Like, there's not that many people like that in this. Yeah. Where we grew up. Yeah. For. Sure. Yeah, that was always a very short. List be like Dad, the black kid at school punched me and they'd be like Joseph Huggins punched you. It wasn't like it.

Wasn't like a mystery. I mean, you're not wrong. You're not wrong like that it it so when we picked up a couple more. I was like, thank you, a little mystery. Now you got to talk to a couple of us because right now I'm just, I still feel like you could, you could. Get away with like the only covering your face mirror strategy without them picking up on your race if you were. Closed. Well, that goes. In that goes in indiscreet. Indiscreet. That goes in like my whole

robbing a bang. Theory you would just have to like pick up off pick a pick a random primary color. We wear the, you know, long sleeves, ski mask all that, but then you got to paint your face like purple and you got to paint your arms. I mean if you're, if you're. Robbing a bank, are you doing it like point break style where you're like getting everybody's ass on the ground? Or are you doing it like where you have a note and then you just hand it to the teller? That I probably probably.

Everybody on the ground, I mean, that's I don't. Trust the teller. Because then they gives them the opportunity to do like dye packs, stuff like that, that show me where the money is, I'll grab it. I wouldn't. I would. No, I mean like. I would. I would do everybody's hands in the air. Like you just don't care because that's like a fun way to bring like a party atmosphere to a bank robbery. That's true. Yeah. Maybe bring a Bluetooth? Well, no 'cause I got to hear.

If the where where the sirens are you done with OPP cause the? Bank owes me some motherfucking money. Let's go. I I think that's. Part of the G move. The G move is is. Handing them a note. Well, the the note, but I. Think that maybe that's something you would grow into 'cause I think originally you would just enjoy the thrill of being like, hey everybody get the fuck on the ground. Like, I think that that would be, I mean, to me, it's like

you're robbing the. Bank 'cause that's what the fucking money is. But a note could. Be good, but like I said, there's silent alarms. I would want nobody to move. Stop it. Otherwise stop. You wouldn't take control of the situation. But you'd want to be likable, so if you're. Going to be a bank robber, you have to be a likable bank robber. But be back to. Like like like.

So you're nice about. It yeah, you wouldn't be like, yeah, well, I don't even get why, like people who even work at a bank pass out, pass out a couple. Bucks on the way out be like hey man, here's like slip somebody a gene be like hey man, look like you. You know I was. Nah, No, no, no. Tell him I was. Tell him I was. Like, Oh no, I'm. Robbing a bank, dude, I'm, I'm coming out with the money and well, you would, but then, you know, I'm not, I'm not like tipping people like on the way

out. That'd be epic. You'd be a legend. They'd be like, OK, I just the tipping robber. Like we'd have a cool ass nickname. At least it wouldn't be a Dick. No, I what I don't. Get is like like people who work at the bank who give a shit like about the money. It's like it's all insured. Yeah, it's a banks. Money, it's like, like, why do you even care? Like like whatever. There's like a security. Guard at CVS that's them to like.

Well that's life for a pack of Mike and like so my bro just let the crack head take it. Well, that's what the mean DC Danny. Bob just says Danny, Chris, me, we're at P JS wedding and we were laughing about like how nobody gives a shit about anything anymore. You just like walk into a 711 and just like take shit and like they're just not going to stop you.

Like and it's like, but in this case it's like it kind of makes sense to me. It's like, yeah, like why would you even you you're getting paid like minimum wage. Like why like it's fucking 711. Like, just let him take the hit, yeah. Don't be a hero. Not for them. Not for them, exactly. Yeah, but I mean moral of the. Story a If kids are playing in your neighborhood and ringing your doorbell and running away, don't fucking shoot them like what that is.

So that's such a crazy leap. And it's not self-defense if somebody's running away. It's not no I know, but like. I thought it was going to be kind of racist, like because I didn't read the article and then you realize they were both Hispanic. And you were like oh shit, 3 for a whirl. Well, well. I I just but it's like because that shit's not in it, you know, it's like like black kids be getting like shot like like going, you know, going up to go like not even Ding Dong

ditching. Like I think, I think it was a black guy. Who killed a white kid who got for Ding Dong ditching and then the other one was like a black guy killing another guy. What makes me feel? Better. Is that weird that it's like? Two Hispanics. Well, yeah, that it's not like. Some bullshit where they're like, yeah, it's not some like white. Guy shooting a black kid or something like through the door like. White lacrosse. Player, He's just trying to sell

them like a magazine. Subscription. Yeah, this. They're just kind of like, hey, maybe. We should do something about it because it's just like they can't the race cancel each other out. It's like they're like, oh man, I just have to be sad about this. But also as. Parents don't let. Your kids Ding Dong bitch. Like are you fucking kidding me? I used to do this bro no. Stop it I. Didn't. Oh, no, no. I my parents never let me do it. It was always like on the sneak

tip. Why is there an 11 year? Old running around at 11 like 23111. PM 100% like that's that's I did that. You ever get caught? Ding Dong. Ditching one time. We got caught teeping. For the audience, if they. Are I don't know if like people even know what that is anymore, but it's like throwing toilet paper and people's like trees. And it was like a girl that like we know I I just forget her name.

She was like a year older than us, but her dad came out and like chased us like just like this. And three of us like hit in a Bush and. I just didn't. Like and he like came up on the Bush and the other two like guys like came out and like and he. Made him like go with him. Like go get the teepee out. And I just didn't move and he had no idea I was there. So I was just like, boom. One time I got caught teeping.

Like the summer I lived with my dad was one of the craziest summers because I just did all sorts of wild shit. So we got caught. We got caught teeping this like empty lot because we were basically the only people that could do it. So we got confronted about it and we were just like, yeah, but we used to get little pump Talon pump paintball guns and we'd shoot paintballs at cars. That's a little wild, right? Ding Dong bitching you're.

Ringing a fucking doorbell. The only problem there is, but that's what I'm saying is it escalates. Because at this point, because at this point I'm in like this is the summer going into eighth grade, 8th grade. So that's what I'm saying is like it escalates to where then it's like, OK, well, ringing doorbells isn't enough. Now we need to like what? What's more extreme than I can do to get a more ridiculous reaction out of people ended up

on shooting paintballs at cars. Another one was that that to me that's. Like a little crazy. It's crazy. That's like a. That that's like. Exponentially worse. Yeah, I told you about the. Throwing tennis balls at cars. We got chased by those college kids. I got chased for like 6 hours and then Joseph and I used to garage. Up and steal people's beers in the garage because. Everybody in Texas. Or South Lake had by the time people were doing that.

I'd really, I don't know, I guess I calmed down, but I wasn't as you were more of an enabler. So stuff like that. I wouldn't normally do that, but you could convince me to do almost anything. That's fair. That's right. So that's. Pretty much what it was your. Boy's a salesman. So when we. Finally linked up in that. Way it was bad news Bears or these good times I actually picked out like. And pretty much, yeah, I mean, but we got in a. Car chase with that like no. No, no, no, no.

It got it got really crazy. But but the Baby Driver lyricist got us out of there. Yeah, you see some stupid. Shit. And then another one was shoot bottle rockets, but that was pretty rough 'cause you have to like point them so you would get like a Corona long neck bottle 'cause like at my dad's house there was this balcony that had this huge like weeping Willow tree. And this is in Waxahachie. So it over which is a city, which is a city in Texas where we're from.

As I was a student to say, it's. Important to say, but it would. Overhang, so the angle on it, you could see the road, but you couldn't see shit like it was. So it was like awesome. And it was tucked back off the roads. There was like a big yard, big double sidewalk, another median, then there was the road. So it was a distance.

That's what I'm saying. You get a little pump gun and people are flying by. So you would take the you'd light the bottle rocket, then you would have to look away and point it and then see both. Both like when I think now about Ding Dong ditching and then fireworks, I think about my dog how she like just. Hey, both of them, yeah. And in that I would just never do it based upon that. Like I want fireworks to like just end. But there was He's terrified. Just so I was shaking.

One time I got in a good foot. Chase because in this is all in like like the TP ING the paintballs, the bottle rot. All this happens in like a 8 by 8 block area. It's like a pretty small terrorizing our neighborhood. Because if you went. Too far. If you went past McPherson St., where I was, no, it was like like trap. We're doing very specific, like it was trap houses. No SO.

My dad was like, you do whatever the fuck you want, but don't ever go past McPherson St. and like and don't ever go down the railroad down to the railroad tracks, which was like big facts because I did. And I was like, bro, this shit's crazy. But we was like, you know, don't go to don't go past MacPherson Street. But then there was the big Rd. like College Street, which is where, you know, we'd shoot stuff at. Behind it, there was this replica Bethlehem.

It was huge. And it had these big like it was what? A replica of. The city of Bethlehem, like the entire. City or like it was like many or like. Jesus like it. Was many, but it was. Probably like Nazareth. Yards long 50. Yards wide, Christian Yeah, So there was a big. It was like a. Big lot that they and they had. These huge fucking walls, like they were big. They were probably 20, no, about 15 feet tall, like walls that surround this thing. And at Christmas they would do a

whole recreation. It was like for the church. So it's church owned property. Are there like 3-3 wise men statues? But it was like, no, it was like a there was like. A marketplace. It was like big as fuck. And it was all these buildings. So we used to break in there and fuck around 'cause you could just climb the wall, you could climb this tree. It was a little sketchy. Get on the wall and you could

just unlock it from the inside. So we would Dick around, we would find all this those tiki torch candles, they would have tons of those. So we there was this big Dome area. So we would take a bunch of hay and shit and start have like little like hangout fires in this place. And one night, bro, we are in there doing our fucked up thing just chilling like we're not doing anything. Nobody drinks at this point.

We're just like a bunch of kids in like going in 8th grade with Jack shit to do and the maintenance man shows the fuck up bro. So we're sitting in there and there's like 2 gates. There's one on this side and then there's one on the opposite end and they're like 45 yards apart. Like they're not that. Close, but they're like. They're close.

Like if you see somebody in there and you could see like the one that the one on the side wasn't as bad, but there's one that you could just see through the whole fucking place. And we went through the one on the side. Dude, we're sitting there chilling and we look over and this, he's a pretty big Hispanic dude, is just staring at us in like the glow of this fucking like mosquito repellent tiki torch shit and just takes the fuck off after us man.

And this dude again, why would he even give a shit? Dude he chased us so not get paid enough bro to even care. We fucking. Scatter throughout the neighborhood. This dude is. Driving around in circles in this neighborhood, but we bolt. So he chases us for a bit. He has got, he's got to go back 'cause like, we left that fire going dude, like you, just what are you doing? Let's put this out, then we'll

figure it out. So he puts it out, comes and he's just spending forever spinning the block. We're like, I got in trouble 'cause I got home so late, 'cause I I had no way to get back to my house without being spotted by this Hispanic. OK, a tax. Free check hits hard. Dude. It's like, it's like, it's like Chris Crispy boy, like McDonald's. Sprite. Article #2 Brought to you by the.

BBC. The big black news correspondent, Germany's far right Afd suffers series of candidate deaths ahead of a local ahead of local vote. Super weird. This is from Paul Kirby. As many as six candidates. For Germany's far right. Afd have died in recent weeks ahead of local elections in the big western state of North Rhine W. What is it? Westafia police have made it clear there's no evidence of foul play in the deaths.

Bullshit. But it means that new ballots will be have to be printed and some poster voters will have to recast their ballots. Population is 18,000,000 reported 20,000 candidates will run for office and it's 14th of September local elections. But this is that's kind of weird that a bunch of the alt right like Nazi dudes are dying. You don't think so? I don't know, you tell. Me bro, I have an opinion. First of all, give 0.

Fucks about that. But well, no. But I mean, it's still an interesting story. No, no, no, no. It's interesting. I give zero fucks about these not. These like, 'cause the AFD is like, first of all, Elon's like on their like jock and then, yeah, and they're like basically, literally like, like neo Nazis, yeah, very Nazis, right? So. I don't know, dude. Like here's the theory. This is all alleged I just throwing. This out there, did Israel not like, decapitate Iran's

revolutionary? Guard corps Hamas. Hezbollah. Do you think it's weird that? As the same time Israel's like going after it that the. That the neo Nazis. Just start getting get murked. Yeah, the number of deaths. Says that they're nevertheless raised questions. On social media, the state's interior ministry has pointed out that the candidates for the parties, including Greens and Social Democrats, have also

died. Domestic Spies agency classified it as a right wing extremist organization in May before placing a pause on that description due to appealing to an appeal pending in court. In three eastern states, the AFD associates are still listed as extremists. And like all the parties in in Germany like.

Is like. Listening to this podcast, like pretty like pretty high of the rankings and all the parties in Germany besides the AFD agreed that they would never do business with the AFD, even though they get elected like they have like seats in parliament. They have the most seats they've ever had. And then just recently they were like making deals with them to get like shit passed. And that was like breaking like

a a century old like rule. Like like it's like they knew that it's like they're they're a democracy, but they so they can't really do anything about these fools getting elected. But every other because it's a multi party. It's not like a two party system like us. Every every other party like had a pack that they would never ever make a deal with them up until like last year.

Then it happened and the FT got the most seats and Elon Musk's over there, like promoting shit and like, like paying for like these dudes like elections. Yeah, but they're not buying his cars. So he's suffering. Well, Germany. Is not like this is. Yeah, like it's a. Like, it's a minority of a minority, like, like that are involved in this. However, they went from like, they had like 7% of like the parliament to like, like fucking 21%, you know, like tripled up

like. And so it was like, kind of scary for everybody. Yeah. It's like and I. I I used to knew like. Off the top of my head, but it's like what it stands for. It's like the D part is Deutschland, which is Jeremy, but I forget what the AF part is. It's like. Anyways, yeah, these are just Nazis breeding card initial reports centered on.

News that that four of its candidates have died and the deaths 2 of 2 reserve candidates also emerged, prompting a flurry of conspiracy theories on social media. Afd Co leader Alice Wendell made made no effort to quash the speculation, reposting a claim by retired economicus Stefan Homburg that a number of candidates deaths was

statistically almost impossible. However, asked about the rumors in his part of the AF DS member #2 figure in North Rhine W Delphia K Gats Gatskalk, Gatskalk acknowledged on Tuesday that what I have in front of me, but that's just partial information. It doesn't back up these suspicious, these suspicions at the moment. I mean, what, what's the conspiracy there though? What did they say 'cause like I, I didn't even. They said they were killed but but. But by who doesn't? Say Afd pulled it.

Yeah, 16%. In the state federal elections last February, which was like, like still. Not a huge amount, but it's like a lot more than it than it was like just like a couple years. They they originally in 2022 pulled at 5.4. Percent, there you go, tripled up. So that's pretty. How was it not? Far off there, yeah. Either police agency. Said that the four initial deaths were either. From natural. Causes or the cause was not being divulged for reasons of

family privacy. The two further deaths have been similarly described. Afd strategists are hoping for gains in the up in the local elections, which are seen as as the first Test of voters since the new federal government came to power, which, yeah, they just got a new. Because the. Their government like collapsed and when and when I say collapsed, I mean like, like they had like a Prime Minister and then like, you have to have like votes from the parliament or like their version of

parliament, I forget what. Like, like it's like Israel's the Knesset in, in England. It's like the parliament. I, I figure what it's called in Germany. So what happened was whoever their Prime Minister was like didn't like have enough votes to be, still be Prime Minister. And then they just got a new one. His name's Mersk, I believe. But that's, but that was recent. But during that process is when the Afd got like gained way more

seats. And, and again, like I said, it's like, like you just said it was like 15%, but that that's three times more than they had before and the most. And then they were trying to like, make deals with them and shit, like, just like Netanyahu makes deals with like the far right, like just to stay in office. Yeah. Yeah, tech billionaire Elon Musk Who? Endorsed the far right party's migration policies earlier this year, has repeated his support.

Either Germany votes Afd or it's the end of Germany, is what he Elon Musk is claiming. It's a crazy statement. That's wow, that's out of. Bounds out of bounds. Elon I mean, it's just, it's like, to me, it's just like, that's all you need to know. About him, Yeah, he's a fucking idiot, but also like. Obviously like a white supremacist. Yeah. Therapy question or not therapy question, I'm so. Used to that article #3 from MPRKERA.

Donate donate donate. Trump says Space Command will move to Alabama Alabama, Alabama after a long battle over its HQ. This is by Pat Duggan's Let's go. Just change the D Make it an H. We all over the place, they call me Curb 'cause you can't walk these streets without bumping into me, Don. President Trump announced he intends to move the US Space Command headquarters to Huntsville, AL, in an Oval offense announcement on Tuesday.

This is not the first time Trump Trump intended to move the Space Command to Alabama permanently. During the final days of his first term, he announced his choice over other locations, saying he personally made that decision. And in 2023, the Biden Joe fucking Brandon administration said they'd the move could put military readiness at risk.

The latest switch by Trump has been long anticipated since Biden chose to keep the organization at the Peterson Air Force Base in Colorado Springs. Right. So a couple things here like. First of all, Trump's the. One who fucking came up. This is we're talking about Space Force, right? Yeah. OK, well, Trump. Created Space Force. Everybody clowned him on it. And then like, and then like, in retrospect, we were like, man, not a bad idea. But Space Force was always a part of the Air Force.

And that's where the Air Force's main headquarters is. And that's why it was a Colorado. So, like, to me, this is like, not I, I heard about this, but I to me, like, I don't think it's like overblown like that. You know, it's like, it's like, like he's the one who even came up with the fucking ideas of the Space Force. Like, why do you guys like Trump was joined by Alabama's US senators, Tommy. Tuberville right off the bat

you're wrong. If that guy shows up, he's moving space command to Alabama's so-called Rocket City could benefit the local economy by bringing in thousands of jobs and billions of dollars in investments. But he did say some pretty wild shit about it. See I haven't seen that part. I just like. To me it's like. OK. Like it could have just been in Alabama. The move. Yeah, Huntsville. Yeah, the move has political. Implications as well.

Alabama is a reliably Republican, where the voters support all three of Trump's campaigns for the White House. One of his first political rallies in 2015 was in Mobile, AL along the Gulf Coast. God damn it boy, come on man play. Tuesday's gone with the win. Let's get out of here. I'm just saying like, like, what is the issue? Who cares?

Colorado has become increasingly Democratic since 2000. 8 presidential election Earlier this year, Colorado's Republican Congress members wrote a letter to Trump asking him not to relocate operations. During his announcement, Trump noted that the political dynamic noted these political dynamics, but said. I don't think that influenced my decision though, right? He also said that one of the big problems he has with Colorado is the state's embrace of mail in

voting. They have an automatically crooked elections. Trump criticized, well, criticism. Colorado was also the first state that. Decided to take him off of the ballot because he violated the Constitution by having so now he's so he was, he was like actually constitutionally not even allowed to run again. And they were right. But then the Supreme Court rejected that. So I can see that, but I have no idea why. What, like why any of that would matter when it comes to the

Space Force? Like, well, you know, you wouldn't think that it would. But then he brings up. He brings. It up. Yeah, I know. Like see this is and then the right. Question mark. This is what I'm trying. To say is like. It's like. I I don't understand who comes up with these ideas because it's not him. Like, do you think Trump? Is like is like thinking deeply about like. You know what Space Force should

really be in a red state? And like, like I think about shit like this and I don't even understand what the difference would well, but I think that people are like, hey, we should move it here. And they use stuff like that, like mail in voting. They know how to push his buttons and get him to the point where he's like, yeah, we should do that. So I think it takes very much. I'm just wondering who. I'm just wondering who is thinking. Of stuff like this and and why,

you know what I'm saying? Oh yeah, I know. It's even the puppet master. I know. I just, I just want to be there like for that conversation where it's like, like, you know, the Santa Monica fascist, Stephen Miller's like, hey, we got like, we got to get Space Force. Out of Colorado. And into Alabama, and This is why I want to I want, I want to hear his sales pitch 'cause it 'cause it doesn't even make sense to me that I don't think it has to be that good. He's a guess.

Steven, what do you have for me? I know, but like. What the fuck is the reason? Like it was. Why? I have a delicious plan for you, dude, Dude, it. Like it's like hard or? Retarded bro. It's like OK, Space Force is in Alabama. It's still fucking. United States. True. Last article Devotees. Say Bolivia's lightning struck. Miracle Tree. Conjures luck. This is by the API. Wanted that on a good note. La Paz, Bolivia, the capital struck by lightning during a

roaming thunderstorm 10 years. Ago an ancient. Pine tree in Bolivia's capital La Paz is thriving. Known as the Miracle Tree, this giant conifer now draws devotees from across the country to La Paz largest is its largest public cemetery, founded 2 centuries ago in a pre Columbian burial plot. Pilgrims streamed through the alleyways bearing offerings, coins, flowers, sweets, handwritten disclosures of secret wishes. Oh, to the bark crevasses. Would you go visit this?

Miracle Tree I kind of want to see like there's. Nothing like that would. I go to Bolivia to to go to a cemetery. Because the lightning, is that right? I mean the guy who wrote this, Carlos. Valdez like crushed this on a chilly afternoon last week during the then the throes of an election season, pilgrims made their way through the miracle tree, through the winding alleys, the cemetery packed with over 20,200 thousand graves. Jesus, many of them belong to

decorated soldiers. I mean, that's going to tell you I like this because we don't have anything like this here. There's no like lucky miracle tree in like a 2000 year old in the US, is it said 200 years old. First of all, you said 2. Centuries. Oh no, that's the cemetery's been there for that sort of thing. Also, like the fucking like forest up here in Norcal, like all those trees that are like 2000 years old. But when I'm trying to think, are they lucky? Are they covered in candy and

notes? Do they have notes? In their corboses don't think they do doubt it. They're not the Redwood forest. That's what I. Was thinking dude no dude no fuck that. Remember that time that that older Bolivians when I lived in Santa Monica and crazy shit happened to me with like the girl who's like getting like sex traffic. I was just trying to help her out and get her out here.

As soon as I finally I got her like the Uber, I went back into my apartment and lighting struck the fucking building like like almost at the exact same time that I like handled it and and it it was like it was a it was like a spiritual moment for me. It was like, that is just too weird. So I get that part, but no, I'm not going to obliviate it. Just people ask for love, work, health, children. Even to bring back their lost pets.

If the person comes with a lot of faith, the tree will fulfill their wishes. Get the fuck out of you. Some of the devotees were young have reached Doctor Seuss. Narrating it or what discovered the. Tree on TikTok. Others were. Regulars older. Bolivians long convinced the trees of the tree's sacred powers, like a 70 year old prayer leader, Ricardo, who was taking refuge underneath the tree sheltering limbs when lightning struck on a stormy

afternoon a decade ago. He claims the lightning bolt gave him psychic powers. Fuck yes. Oh, that's what I was going to ask you if you knew like you would. Survive and be fine from getting hit by lightning. Would you rather get hit by lightning or not? No issues, no nothing. Right. Oh, I mean like other. Than whatever the fuck happens, like in that moment when you get hit by lightning, like what? It like scorches your fingernails or whatever that, yeah, whatever that.

Feels like fries you but like. But they but you're gonna survive. Make a full. Recovery. Yeah, 100% fine. Like it never. Happened. But it but. It happens, but you had to go. Through the maybe biggest bar story. And so that's what I was that that that's what I struck by a lightning. And so it'd be like and then your buddy be like, no, he. Did she was crazy like, oh, let's go, dude. It's like static shock. That's my super. That's what I'm saying. I might want to get. I I might.

I might. Want to get struck by a lighting? Like it's like getting bitten by a shark. If like you didn't lose like a limb or something, like you kind of just become cooler. Far from pulverizing. The tree the rogue bolt of lightning left. A scar on its trunk that now oozes aromatic resin. The towering tree in La Paz Cemetery now appears healthier than ever. Look at that, dude. It's super. I'm telling you, bro, we gotta go check it out. Like, like, yeah, OK. I know.

People have been healed from illness. They were all so. Devout. That's like seeing like Jesus Christ in your like, grilled cheese, like toast or something. The Lightning. Transmits the vital energy of the cosmos. That's some deep shit you know how to explain to. Someone who is over 30 years old and graduated from UCLA. In three years. That Thunder is the sound of lightning. Yeah. They didn't know that until I told them. Yeah. That's where you can time it.

No. And I know that like, like they like a smart person. In their 30s. And did not. Where do they grow up, Ventura? It's believable. Believable. That, that, that. They didn't know that like lightning. Callie boy from Ventura. Not a boy. I didn't say a boy. It's. Where's Mom? It's my dog's. It's my. My baby Mama. Oh, OK. Like like. I told her like she was like. Saying something, I was like, wait, you understand that like Thunder is the sound of lightning, right?

And she didn't know. And I was like, it blew my mind. Like how? Like how do you not get that information by the time you're 35 or whatever the fuck like that? Good. Just like talk about like a blind spot. Like blew me away. I was like like nobody, nobody told you this. Her dad was a science teacher. I might have just assumed she already knew. Somebody. Somebody. Had to tell you that. That's that's what I'm saying at

no point in your. Life did any like you never like and and it just you I still to this day I'm going to actually like text her like like tomorrow and be like like what the fuck did you think Thunder was and why would they happen at the same time? Yeah, makes sense. Yeah, but fun facts y'all every was it. Every minute is a mile of where the light. Like when you hear the Thunder, is it a minute or is that a second? Second. Yeah. So it's like I don't. Know if it's? Yeah, whatever.

It is like, but you were right with the timing where it's like you can tell how far away that light is. The lighting is based upon and it's like exact like when you hear the Thunder or you see the lighting, then you hear the Thunder. That's how like, you know, like where the storm is like an imagine Dragon Song lightning or your boy or your boy Bill Paxton. Dude I got YouTube. I got YouTube.

TV and I'm like digging it and twisters on there I don't know I saw it on there and I was like the original Paxton RIP. He literally said that out loud and then just kept searching. But you know, I mean, that's a boy. That's all I got, that that's his favorite actor. That's all I got. Motherfucker, one of them, he's in everything he's in. He's an alien. Predator. He's in all. He's in all. The movies. Apollo 13, he's in a lot of fucking movies, no?

Yeah, no, I, I just. Want to say like that you. Appreciate him more than I think anybody else on the planet. Impossible. They just don't know. They haven't. They haven't. Opened the new twisters over twisted their 4th eye. The Paxton eye dude the. Paxton Eye. They haven't opened. That yet when they do, they'll see. They'll see. Nah dude, he's might as well be just like Dennis Quaid. How dare you? Dennis Quaid's insane, you know they were fighting for. Roles though, like against each

other, like that same person. Oh yeah, and Bill Paxton won for sure. Paul Paxton for life. Bill Paxton, Dennis Quaid, And then what's his racist? Ass Kevin Costner, Yeah. Those three to me like. Might as well just be the same person. How dare you? Well. I know that. How about this every single time? There was a role that one of those guys got. The other two didn't get it for that role. Yeah, yeah, OK. I agree with that. That's all I was saying. You got anything? Else mad Tay bitches.

Make sure y'all like. Follow Subscribe. Leave a comment. Share whatever we appreciate y'all and shout out Kimberly. McGinnis. Whoever. That keeps popping up and has been watching our show every time and like leaves like comments just like, hey, what's up, said Beavis. And butt head Ding Dong ditch was legit. Shout out Kim, don't be good, stay safe and. Everybody go fuck yourselves.