M he was Cold Cold. That was the name. He was cold Man.
What's going on up there? Could be the most important event in history.
Now, I haven't become the destroyer of the worlds.
I said.
I hope this is close to Hill is all never again.
Hello and welcome to the Tales to a Dark podcast. I'm your host Bob here with my co host Brittany.
Hey, guys, what's up Britney.
How's it going.
It's going good?
How are you It's going well?
I wanted to like kind of start this off pretty pretty strong and thank you guys for all of the well wishes and the support and the response. We got to our interview that we did last week with the Ward Heine Ward. As you guys know if you listen to the episode, he did the Dark Collar project. He has a bunch of cool projects he's working on with another rather large podcast, and any support you guys can send his way. Let him know that we sent you guys.
No, I think that's a great I had a fantastic time talking to him.
Yeah, it's it definitely was. It's interesting to kind of see the perspectives because when you kind of watch them like dark Haller or something, like, hell, you're you really early see the purview and you know, with what's being presented on screen at that moment, and to get to sit down with them kind of poke his brain a.
Bit, yeah, and talk to him about the mind behind the project. Yeah.
Yeah, And I mean, you know, not too long ago we put out Phantom Farm, and it's one of those things that if you've only ever seen Tales from the Dark through the lens of Phantom Farm, you don't really know what you're getting. And it's the same way like now if you listen to the podcast and you watch Phantom Farm, like this isn't the same fucking people that they are incapable of something this artistic.
Can put together.
You think that, You think that.
Yeah, but you know what, it's been a couple of months I think, or maybe maybe ten months in our last Craigslist episode, and I think it's time we kind of go back in. And I was extremely excited we were able to find an old fan favorite that we're gonna sprinkle in. I hope you guys, if you guys have been listening to the show for a long time, you're gonna find this fan favorite, hopefully as funny as last time because.
We lost it the last Yeah, I honestly last.
Yeah.
Well it's one of those that I have. I've regurgitated this story and not even like a hey, you listen to my podcast and get this story. It's this is the funniest story of all time when it comes to like what can go wrong for Facebook market basement, you know, it's meetups in general on the Internet. Yeah, well, I'm gonna get a started off here.
Now.
I did do some research into why, because I don't know if you know this, but you can go on Google Trends and you can see Craigslist like you can basically put it in any website and see who's searching for it, the analytics how often that's coming up. Craigslist has dropped. I mean you can literally see it from I couldn't figure out why until I did some research, but you can see it's like it's like Everest, Like you scale Everest and you just toppled down. That's what
happened with Craigslist. Do you know what happened?
No, I have no idea.
So Craigslist pulled a Tumblr. So I'm sure you had a Tumblr blog back in your teenage years of just you know Tumblr's ninety percent like smut and just gross, you know, adult themed content.
Jesus Christ.
Well no, but but that's true.
Anyone who had Tumblr, like I had a Tumblr blog for serial killers. I think at one point in time. Don't don't ask why, don't look at it, don't.
Look it up. It's probably not there anymore.
But when tumblest is.
But the point of bringing up Tumblr is when they kind of banned adult content, that website kind of went the way of the dinosaur.
I remember that.
Yeah, yeah, So what happened with Craigslist is they used to have a like a Missed Connections and then like a basically like a looking for love section of Craigslist.
And I've seen some of the craziest stories come out of that too.
I've got a good one here. But when they got rid of that, Craigslist kind of crashed, Which makes me wonder how much of Craigslist was like just pervert perverts and escorts bait.
They got rid of miss Connections. I just saw it today.
Maybe it's not missc Connections, but there I think it was a personal I think it was just Craigslist personals. There was an entire sub section here yeah, I mean right here, I'm looking at right here. It's uh yeah, this just says that the title is Let's move to Alaska M for W you know, man for woman.
Yeah, yeah, that's gone now.
Oh yes, So maybe they brought it back because I swear I saw it, but.
They may have brought it back, but it's definitely it's not ever going to reach it's it's it's former.
Yeah.
Yeah, So this one starts off. I'm a fifty five year old man, or I should say young guy guys at fifty five of us of the show going, and I'm referring to myself as a hip young guy. Kick me in the back of the head first, fan meant if I do for seven people at the local target, kick me in the back of the head as hard as you can. I'm looking for a wonderful woman to move to Alaska with me and live off the land. Let's make our own reality. Let's make our own reality show.
Come join me. There's no punctuation. I promise I can read. There's no punctuation in this. Come join me in the wilderness. Hopefully you're into freaky sex.
Oh my god.
Now this is all one paragraph. Mind you there's no periods and there's no punctuation nothing. So anyway, back to the freaky sex call if you're interested, also must love children. Come on, girl, let's do this. Call your future hubby and think about it. Wouldn't Alaska be awesome? We build it all on our own. We f uk our brains out, not c k f uk our brains out, and have a blast and maybe some children will come out of the situation. It's a nice dream. Know what hack God
has in store for my future sweetheart? Dial that number.
That this is literally the last person on Earth I would ever want to have to live out of the wilderness with. Now understand like you want to you you really want to sell that dreamy, tell me how Tell me how you build a trap, Tell me how you can build a log cabin from just trees in the woods. Show me your skill set, send me pictures. Don't tell me that you just want freaky sex.
That's your only requirement to respond to this ad.
No, I'm just saying, if you want to sell it, at least actually have the skills to do so. It sounds like he would just die to I don't know buying, Is that what you're saying right now.
I mean that's okay.
I mean, who doesn't want to just go off and just live in the woods.
Away from this guy? I'm bound.
If this guy is anywhere, this guy, I don't think you'd be allowed with them, like two hundred feet of a school based off his eye, his approach.
That's fair, that's fair.
Okay. So I got another one here. I love.
There's a picture of just it's looks like it says twenty eleven. It looks like a gravestone with a fire above it, and the title just says I need someone to retrieve a hidden obelisk. I mean, I'm down.
This just sounds like a Skyrim mission.
I mean, look, I'm down. That's all I can say is I'm down.
I see that another hand touched the beacon, sign me up.
So this one says this is a serious job. Five years ago, my friends and I lived in Dunbar, and before we moved out, we entombed a powerful relic in the sump pit of our basement. The relicant question is a sort of elongated trapezodial prism obelisk picture above, made of white gray marble and engraved with Gaelic and oakum Oakum scripts. It's around twelve by three by three inches
and wakes approximately four kilograms. My request is twofold. First, that you would travel to the address of the house to see whether still stands or whether it has been demolished and redeveloped as the landlord told us it would be. Upon receipt of the video evidence of the demolished or reconstructed house in the surrounding area, the job will be over and to be paid twenty five dollars. If the original house still stands, your next task will be to
explain the story to the current residence. Follow my directions to the basement sump pit, retreat the obelisk and arrange for its postage to Ireland. This will earn you one hundred dollars, as well as any fees incurred while shipping the relic. It is very important to myself and my friends that the obelisks be interred in Irish soil, as our country is experiencing an unstable political climate at the moment. Hopefully this will help to restore balance and safety to
us all. You have a lot of faith, sir, in whatever voodoo witchcraft you in your friends, you.
Can't say the Druids are they have lost their long lost treasured obelisk.
I know it.
Now. Look my thing with this is, why did.
You play it in the basement in the first place.
Well, no, it's not in the basis, it's in the sump. It's it's it's it's in the poop.
Oh always actually inside of it.
Yeah, unless I read that wrong, why would you do that? Well, I get guarding your riches, I get it.
That's a whole nother level though. And why wouldn't you retrieve it before you left?
I mean you would, You would think you would, but I don't know. Now we've got to do a bit of a little little callback.
Here to dB Tuber.
No.
Now, if you're a newer fan of Tales from the Dark, which I know a lot of you guys have been coming in from the ward interview in some of the most you know, other recent interviews we've done. But understand, dB Tuber has been cemented in our minds as one of the greatest Americans to ever do it. I mean, it's it's kid rock dB Tuber.
If I'm being.
Honest, they're right next to each other, so anthey should.
Have Oh that's how he would have got out of jail.
Yeah, he should have. Way he should have went on tour with kid Rock.
I'm just saying that's most people could solve all of their problems by going on tour kid Rock. Anthony Carusio is living proof that not every Craigslist crime has to be the kind of thing you'd showed your eyes from while watching him movie. He was a former high school football star who played a little in college, but not little enough to avoid injury that saddled him with a
lifelong painkiller addiction. Things spiraled out of control to the point that Crucio turned to crime for money, and that's when shit got interesting. Rather than pull the usual junkie maneuver and rob a liquor store on a whim. This is crack dot com. By the way, this is not me. This is just a retelling, he settled into eight months of Hollywood action movie worthy planning and came up with a scheme to rob an armored truck. Is this Grand theft Auto five?
That's what it feels like. Did he have the bullets and board and everything?
Well, speaking of which, to my gaming face out there, that GTA six trailer that just drops looking pretty good. I don't know if we're gonna get GTA six anytime soon, but no, I.
Mean we've literally had GTA five since the PlayStation three.
So look, it's that is rock Stars version of Skyrim.
It is absolutely is.
One of the key components of this heist involved posting an ad on Craigslist for ten day laborers with the odd request that the all show dressed up the exact same way. First off, stop getting jobs off Craigslist.
That's that's red flag number one.
Yeah, why because on that day Crucio showed up dressed in a similar get up, except his was a tear away velcrow version, like those warm up pants basketball players where when they're on the bench.
Oh my god.
As this color coordinated workforce stood around, confused and waiting to labor, the man who requested their presence blasted an armored truck driver in the face with pepper spray, grabbed two bags of cash, and ran off into the sunset, leaving nothing but confusion and a bunch of dudes who matched the description of the perpetrator in his wake. That that was low key genius.
The fact that he did that out of his mind, blitzed out of his mind is Yeah, it's kind of impressive.
If I learned anything as a child, never ever ever doubt the creativity of a drug addict.
That's that's true.
I guess, well this continument yeah, no, no, well that's not completely true. Crucio also left behind the particle mask he used to shield himself from the pepper spray, and that, along with the fact that the most honest homeless dude ever spotted him stashing his robbery gear during the test run and gave the police his license plate that eventually led to his capture, not before he got away in
the most insanely adorable way imaginable, though. After fleeing the scene and disposing of his disguise, Crucio jumped onto a waiting inner tube and floated to freedom. He stashed a little over the half of the four hundred goddamn thousand dollars he made off with and safe then immediately made his way to Vegas with the rest. In my dream version of events, all that happened on an inner tube. Also, I don't know that you can get the vegas on a tube. I think you hit the hoover dam and it's over.
Oh God, Speaking of.
God, there is a phobia of like just big things, like like extremely large objects. And there is this new trend on YouTube. I don't know if you've seen this, but it's like like a VR.
YouTube type experience.
Ye.
Yeah, And one of them was showing how big the Hoover Dam actually is. That's terrifying. I have seen it from photos, but I did not realize how big the Hoover Dam actually.
Was when we went out there a couple of years ago. I mean, we didn't have time to actually go out to the Hoover Dam. We ran out of time. That was something we wanted to do. But yeah, from what I've seen from videos and stuff of the Hoover Dams, it's ginormous.
Yeah.
So, as mentioned earlier, he did get caught eventually, but he managed to live it up in Vegas for a bit. And to be completely honest, getting away on an enter tube for a little while is still better than getting away in a more traditional way forever. I don't agree with that, if for no other reason than having that
story to tell for the rest of your life. Oh hey, On that note, Crushio is now out of prison and working as a motivational speaker, presumably giving desperate junkies the courage they need to finally take the plunge and start stealing shit.
Don't go no.
So another fun update. When I told this story the first time, I was notified by I think Joey Bailey, who's a longtime listener of the show, that he has a YouTube channel as well.
I did not know that.
Yeah, so what do you got for U? From the world of Craigslist there.
So the first one I have is called false advertising at its finest. I like to do work around home in my spare time. I found a guy in the gig section who was doing some renovations on a DUPLEXI own and was looking for extra hand. He knew electrical I was good with carpentry. Perfect pick up some extra cash and skills. Working a few nights. We send a few texts and he stops over to meet me. Nice
enough guy. We planned a night to get started. I would usually take the bus around the city, but my mom and sister were in town, so they gave me a lift over. Don't get locked up in a basement, my sister jokes. As I hop out. He offers a beer while he breaks down the project, and from what I can tell he's doing a nice job. We talk about the work in general for a bit and kick back another beer maybe two. Time is passing and he is supposed to be paying me for my time, so
I find it a little odd. But heck, I mean, if you're just chilling and drinking beers and hopefully still getting paid for your time, I guess that's yeah.
But the beers are the payment at this point, that's true. Maybe the money was the friends made along the way.
I don't think you'll be saying that by the end of the story. Okay, it's how I could. It's how I work around my house too, So power to you. Beers are cold keep him coming. After four or five, we finally get move in and do a couple of odd jobs that take all of thirty minutes, and he's debating on how far he thinks he wants to take it. Tonight, we have a beer while we think about it. I think I'm calling in a night another beer and a cigarette. I'll show you the rest of what I've been working on.
Is what this gentleman says to to our very uh incredible worker. I'll say I was gonna say, trusting laborer trusting laborer. That'll work too, works for me as I follow him up from the table. I've lost count about how many IPAs I've put back at this point, but my vision says it's in the ten to twelve range. He holds open a door and tells me a head down in front of him into the basement. Not until this very moment have I thought twice about the course of the night. But that one word up brought it
all rushing back into perspective. I'm on high alert, but he hasn't done anything egregious. So I finished the cigarette and pray I don't take a wrench to the head on my way back up. Safe Back at the table, the gentleman asks, so do you miss your girlfriend? Yeah, she's in Jersey. It's tough to see. It's tough not seeing her. Do you miss her sexually?
The heck man all right, I know where this is going. I no longer feel safe. Someone call an adult.
Bells are ringing, it's one in the morning. He changes the subject, But the mood has shifted. I would say the mood shifted.
This only gets better if we have like some sixties porn music suddenly comes in from like a jbl or a beats pill speaker of some sort.
Sensing this, he decides to go for broke. What follows is a stream of things that shall not be repeated, beginning with innuendo and easing not so gracefully into the explicit.
I mean, look, shooture shot in your window. It's fine.
I'm legitimately afraid now and my brain is firing. One, don't freak him out. At least I'm bigger. Two, who the hell does this? Three? Do I really have nice legs? Four? I hope there's nothing. There was nothing in those drinks. Five If he pays me, now, is this considered prostitution? I ended up saying, you got the wrong effing section of Craigliss. Buddy, He actually paid, and I ran four miles home, stopping only for Chinese food for the reason
one always does. I was drunk, had some money to burn, and figured this decision couldn't be much worse than my last.
And as I was running away, he yelled, Hey, what do you think about Alaska?
It all makes sense, It's all connected.
Do you want to make a movie? All right?
So this one we got Minister Steele's gift from couples she was hired to and did marry. Craigslist gives not a single fuck about the sanctity of your marriages. For proof of that, look no further than the story of shay Rema Soveria. She was hired on Craigslist to marry a Portland couple, Kitty and Sean sunershen So and they're not gonna listen to this one. I don't have to smell us out for you, guys.
We don't care about your last name.
In the they were going to marry them in their backyard because they were renovating their kitchen at that time. They asked all the invited guests to bring home depot gift cards and live any other form of wedding present. My junkie sister did something similar at one point in time. Be the gift cards, That's all I'm saying, Jesus. At the end of the ceremony, the couple dishonest humans were dismayed to find that, despite inviting seventy five to one
hundred people, their total hall was a measly three gift cards. Okay, don't invite people to your weddings just to get money.
Yeah, this was to me.
There to share your special day not to give you Home Depot gift cards.
You ungrateful, it really is though, that's so crappy.
Yeah, Did the couple just have the cheapest bunch of friends of all time? Or is foul play involved? The question got a whole lot easier to answer. On Sylvania, the woman who had just been paid to marry the people was spotted on surveillance footage using one of the stolen cards and arrested shortly thereafter. To make amends, she was ordered to pay a fifteen hundred dollars fine, restitution
and a three hundred dollars fine. As this article about the crime points out, she's allowed to enter her guilty plea by mail from the comfort of her new home in Washington, further proving that Craigslist is a great place for not so clever criminals to pull off inept crimes and face little to no consequences. If anything, what she could do what she had done could best be described as a high interest loan. Also, don't roll out the
possibility that the couple had really cheap friends. In that case, even if every single one of them brought a gift card, there's an excellent chance the final take wasn't going to make out to fifteen hundred dollars. Maybe they came out of head on the deal in hooray, everybody wins. I mean except for the seventy five to one hundred people who had to go to a backyard wedding in Portland orcan. Whoever wrote this is a savvy.
Yeah, say, they're just tearing them down.
Okay, I got one here that I would have bought this just for the record, And if anyone's out there feeling generous, you know, we do have a Patreon, maybe join that. I can also now go out and buy this Haunted nineteen eighty eight Winnebago Laicero bought the RV as a means to travel with our family. New battery, but it needs a fuel pump. Okay, well then it's not ready to go. Tires are good, but we need
to be towed. Previous owner killed her husband. That's okay, literally it's tires are good, but we need to be towed. Previous owner killed her husband. All one run on sentence here and traveled on it before getting caught and imprisoned. I still had the maps and the receipts you used when we purchased it along with the Bible Passages and murder mystery novels. Gerald the husband haunts the back table and likes to have morning coffee with whoever's around.
That just that just sounds like trailer park Scooby Doo.
I'm super frustrated that, like, there is no price on this. I mean, you can't really put a price on Gerald, if we're being honest, all right.
Is that considered slavery at that point? If you buy that win Obago?
Well if okay, well the Winnebago can't be destroyed because it's like destroying a graveyard at that point. So no, okay, this one's my favorite. Originally posted in twenty seventeen, Pred's catfish thrower needed will pay. So Pred's I guess is a hockey team.
I didn't. I don't follow at hockey.
I do not either. I know nothing about hockey.
So this says wanted catfish thrower for five sixteen or five eighteen Pred's home game background. I unwisely bet against my wise colleagues that if the Preads made it to the third round, I would throw a catfish on the ice. I have seen this before on YouTube where they throw fish on the hockey rink.
Please tell me they're dead.
As someone blessed to be born in America, someone explained to me why we're throwing fish on a hockey rink. I'm pretty sure they're dead.
Okay, I was gonna say that's cruel.
Yeah.
So, however, when the time came around came, when the time came to become an immortal, I backed down and realized I was deathly allergic to catfish. Unwilling to make a good sorry, unwilling to make good on the bed and grab the brass ring of celebrity. I was off of a choice catfish tramp stamp or hire a catfish thrower. I chose the latter, a catfish tramp stamp. We have at least one listener in Mississippi who has a cousin that has a catfish tramp. I guarantee it, I without
a shadow of a doubt. Someone in the Deep South knows someone with a cat Let me know.
Yeah, instead of the what was the popular tattoos, the tribal Yeah, the flash that's like the tribal markings on your arm. It's it's just down, deep down South. It's just a bunch of tramp stamp catfishes.
Yeah, so qualifications sufficient strength to chuck a two pound catfish over the glass stones, large enough to stand there and fire up the crowdu for the guts have splattered all over the ice. Oh my god, bravery necessary to smuggle a slimy dead catfish saran wrap to your belly through security, willingness to be a god and go down and pred's history pay minimally, soventy five dollars. But let's discuss. I'm open to trades. You must already have a ticket.
I provide the catfish and the saran wrap.
That's important.
Surrundra's expensive applications must be received by midnight Monday, the fifteenth, contact via text only. Bonus points awarded for video applications. I hope to god someone has these applications somewhere and like a like a Vimeo drop box situation that we.
Can't go go to, like some yard sale looking through homemade VCRs and you just see this legendary moment of a catfish being thrown in a hockey rink.
Yeah, one of our friends from the Great White North. Let us know why you guys are throwing fish on the ice. There has to be a story here.
There has to be.
Yeah, anyway, so what do you got?
My youngest brother sent me a text one day he saved up seven hundred dollars and wanted a computer. I told him I know a subreddit we can go too, but no. He found a guy on Craigslist with a machine, says it's like a thousand dollars machine for six hundred dollars, and he wanted me to go with him to check it out. I can't. My schedule was packed. Guy basically does a Skype call showing the PC working, and I
was able to look inside and everything looked good. It was a very high end computer with the boxes for brand new components. My little bro, who was eighteen, I told him it was good if he could snatch it, go for it. Well, about eight pm I get a Skype message from the Craigslist seller. I got your brother.
I freeze, blood runs cold, and for a solid twenty seconds that felt like hours, I start running through how I'm gonna find this mother effort and murder him with my bare hands for threatening to hurt my baby brother. Full John Wick.
At that point, I do love that he'd let him know, though, like, hey, I've got him.
I got your brother. Finally, he finished the signing a second message. He wanted to meet in the Walmart parking lot. We met up. I got out to shake his hand, and he just fainted. He's sitting in my suv. He woke up once and just passed right back out. So what yup? He passed out? So this guy gets there, He gets out of his car and instantly he sees
why his brother basically shit his pants. The dude that steps out of the suv is like nine foot tall, exaggerating, he was like seven foot and some change, and he was so jazz. I think he could beat up Gaston from.
Beauty and the Beast checks out.
I'm a little less paranoid than my brother. About then my brother, so I hold my hand out for a shake. We do so, and he puts a giant hand on my shoulder and points to the suv. I can see my little brother sitting in the far back seat with his knees to his chest like a puppy during a thunderstorm. I chat with a guy. He literally just tried to meet my brother to sell a computer, but he actually fainted, an actual terror. I scoop him up, put him in the back seat to rest, and I think they buy
the PC. But yeah, he was a super chill guy and it was the first time this guy apparently ever had someone pass out out of fear of seeing him. I immediately thought of you when I read that.
There have been a few late night marketplace in Craigslist meetups.
Where they probably would have passed out.
Yeah, there was some panic on their side, and I was like, oh, hey, how's it going. Here's a computer like gotta.
Speak that actually might have been you.
Yeah you, I don't think so. But speaking of computers out there, guys, I'm hearing some rumblings about some some RTX fifty series cards that it's supposed to coming out sometime. I'm gonna guess spreading twenty twenty five is my guess.
What.
Let let me know, nerds out there, what do we think? Are we skipping the fifty series do we? Is it gonna be overpriced? Is this a thirty series situation?
Where?
See that's my issue, Like it feels like every time they came out with a new one the forty series, like it did have a lot of hype and it did have like good spec numbers before it was released. Yeah, but it just the games aren't caught up to them. I just I mean, like with balders Gate, that's like the first thing I thought of that came out recently. Yeah, but even then, like the games just aren't formatted for this new technology. So I guess we'll see next year what it looks like.
Yeah, well, we'll see. Like I said, I I've heard some early rumblings, some nombers. They're saying I think January or something of twenty twenty five when they're supposed to drop. But it's it's tech. So with the GPU shortage we saw during you know, the Big Sea, and then all the other processor shortages that have happened, I don't know.
I don't know if they'll be available at all.
I'm gonna guess they're gonna drop, and it's gonna be like like an inflated shortage where they're gonna say there's fifty in stock, but they only ship ten, and it's.
Gonna be a whole problem.
We'll see.
Okay, So this next one, the title is Funky Lawn Sex just kidding. It's a yard sale.
Jesus Christ. They got half.
They got, they got our attention.
Ah, spring and Georgia. The weather is infuriatingly unpredictable. Answer preparing their assaults in our kitchen, and Paulin has us by the nads. So we're having us ourselves a yard sale? Or really, Mom is having a yard sale and I get to write the Craigslist ad. They used to let me make signs, but I kept zoning out and running
yard start by accident and wasting all their poster board. Seriously, Mom has an entire storage building primarily allocated just for all the crap she doesn't need, refuses to get rid of or if she thinks she can get a quarter for it. And that crap is what has your name on it?
That's the South, Yeah it is. I mean I'm sold.
Just think our stuff it could be your stuff, and it's good stuff. It's great stuff. It's stuff that you need. Here's what you need to know. Date this Saturday, location my Mom's house. Time eight to three pm. How will the weather be a maze?
Balls? Is there plenty of parking? Sure?
Can we drive on the grass? Yes, don't tell my dad? Are you nice?
Usually? Do you like dinosaurs? Yes?
Do you have any Loretta Lynn albums?
Unlikely?
Are there dog turds in the yard. There shouldn't be. But if there are, blame the neighbors, not my queen. Are your kids going to be outside sneaking back inside all their stuff you're trying to sell? Probably come early? What we got goodies, loot swag prize. This is fabulous,
fabulous treasures. Really though I've only seen most of her crap in neon sticker covered mountains, And I'm still not done tagging all my stuff that's been piled up in my office forever, because I just spent the last three hours jumping on a trampoline and arguing on the internet and bailing my son out in Minecraft. Mom was supposed to send me a list of stuff that she forgot, so based on thirty years of yard sale experience, you can expect awesome stuff like stuff, bigger stuff, kids stuff,
baby stuff, things, pieces of things. She's all about that ten cent box, doodads, kitchen stuff, ugly stuff, toys of varying quality, some even with batteries, at least one we eater, chainsaw or similar yard appliants. A basket of partially used soap and hygiene products, some likely with glitter, breakable things, fancy things leftover avon. It's the South, of course, there's yeah, VHS tapes, trashy romance novels, probably some Harry Potter books too.
Oh my god, wait no, no, no, Before you keep going, I have to interject. Did you did your mom or anyone that you knew, any older female in your family, did you did they read the trashy romance novels? Because my Mammal she literally had like a black market like setup going on. Did I ever tell this story?
I don't think so.
But but but if you're going to disrespect Fabia in my presence, we're gonna have a problem.
I'm we don't do that.
Okay. So Mammal had so she I've told you about the trailer that she had the beach, and so she had this group of old ladies that she had the beach. She would try to go. I'd say like every three months she would try to go down to the beach and down to Dirty Myrtle and she would pack her normal stuff, her little York key, and she would bring like a couple big boxes of all these romance and the three to four women she had in this group,
they would trade with each other. They would cycle through all these trashy romance I don't ever think I even saw her by them like they would literally just I don't. They appeared they like just pulled it out of thin air and had these boxes and boxes filled of those
trashy romance novels, and that was all she read. And every single cover had fabio and like a different he was riding a horse shirtless in some of them he had gone with the wind poster and some of them, I mean it was it was crazy how obsessed she was with them.
She's a woman of high class and culture. That's what's what you're telling the audience. So anyway, they also have probably, sorry, something that looks like a boob that isn't actually a boob. Things decorated with are having to do with cats, craps she cleaned out of my brother's old room, sorry Bud, Christmas stuff, chairs, kinky boots. Probably something I'm forgetting that
Dab will remind me of about noon tomorrow. School supplies, weird movie soundtracks on CD, your mom, napkin rings that look like fish.
Edit.
So it turns out my mom's at me a list like four days ago, and I forgot. We also have a motorcycle lift, and it's a bunch of actual stuff that they have. Oh also, we have a limited number of boy Scout discount cards for sale for five dollars. Each proceeds helps the local Scouts looking for something else. She's probably got three of them somewhere. So basically we have a smortish board of stuff you'd expected a yard sale, except hers is better than everyone else's, which is why.
You have to come.
I mean the confidence.
Please note the following. Though the cement pig is not for sale. Ass load is a real unit of our metric system. There will be no actual or simulated sex at the yard sale. Greenham bars for sale are a possibility, though, or bras.
I'm sorry.
Most of the stuff is my moms are under her care. I don't know if it works or she'll take less.
Ask mom.
She's an I leady with bangs and probably a fanny pack. I have small children and work far too much, so you see, if you see someone looking like an exhausted dumpster fire stagging around a gym clothes authoritatively, that's probably me. Don't talk words to me before noon. I'm sold. I have to go to this guy's next yard sale.
Choice, got a lot of spunk in them, I will say.
Yeah.
Oh, speaking of completely unrelated note like just weird news and exciting nerd stuff, Dune Part two comes.
Out in March.
What Dune Part two?
Yeah, I've never watched Dune Part one?
No, I haven't either.
I hear good things.
Yeah, we'll have to watch it and go and see. If you guys are Doom fans, let us know.
Yeah, let us know if you're excited for Dune part two, and also let me know what Dune Part one was about.
Please just give us a synopsis, please?
Yeah?
Okay, what do you got?
Okay? So the last one I have is a haunted tie puppet.
I have to have it.
My wife and I recently went to its high Land and found this puppet in a night markt outside of bang. It was that the only item not actually inside the actual stall the vendor had. We inquired about it, and they immediately offered it to us at less than half the listed price, so we happily purchased it. Since then, a series of events have unfolded that we at first thought was just bad luck, but they have been escalating.
They include getting trapped in an elevator. Plants we placed near the puppet dying, and recently our house has become infested with hornets centered around the area where we keep the puppet. We've consulted a psychic and at the first mention of the puppet, they shivered and said it's evil. So now it's time for the puppet's journey to continue, preferably far away from us. The psychic said a transaction
had to take place to make it. Basically, any other any offer, and you can have this little bundle of ill will and evil intention a lovingly crafted tie. Annabelle, please take this puppet.
I'll take it right now.
No, you will not.
There's no reason that that's not in my life. Okay, so now we have to do a little of a little bit of a callback to some og tails from the dark Craigslist days.
All right, let me hear it.
My brother is fond of using Craigslist to find good electronic deals. The latest iPhone five was out at the time, and this dude in Akron, Ohio was selling it for thirty percent of the retail price. Sounded too good to be true, but my brother contacted the seller. Anyways, He stated that he got them for free and wanted to sell them off because he needed the money. He asked my brother to meet up with him at the local frozen custard chop at ten pm. No one ever meet
anyone in Akron, Ohio past dark. I cannot stress this and not no dear guy out of Akront and just in general.
Yeah, I just don't go there if you've never taken me there either.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, my brother showed up. After noticing the vacant lot in pure darkness, my brother drove off. The seller called my brother instantly and stated that he saw my brother drive drive by, but needed my brother to enter the lot and that's where the trade would be made. My brother drove back. Don't do that, listen to your inner monologue. In this time, he could see the headlights on the seller's car cascading across the vacant parking lot. My brother called him back and stated that it was
too dark and he doesn't feel comfortable. After a bit of talking, they agreed to meet up to the closest McDonald's. My brother went there as fast as he could and entered the McDonald's. My brother called the seller and told him to come inside to do the trade. The seller told my brother to meet up at the back parking lot of McDonald's. At this point, my brother stated that he was no longer interested because it seemed like the
seller had other agendas. Do you think After ordering some food, my brother and my little cousin left McDonald's and proceeded to leave their car. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I proceeded to their car out of nowhere. The dude in a black mask on shrew sorry. The dude with a black mask and strangles my little cousin and shout it at my brother, give me all your money or he dies. That you traumatized this young man for life.
Oh God. Two years later and we're still talking about trauma went through.
My little cousin cried, quick, give him all your money. I don't want to die. My brother left my little cousin and bolted back inside the McDonald's. Again, for those in the back who didn't hear what I just said, my brother left my little cousin being strangled by these strange man and bolted inside the McDonald's. My brother called nine one one and the employees locked all the doors. My little cousin was let off and he stayed by
the door McDonald's until the cops showed up. Seemed kind of messed up to leave a young child outside alone, but everyone was afraid of the gunman hiding and infiltrating the place. My family stopped using Craigslist after that.
I feel like that was a reiteration of the original. And the reason why I say this is because in the original I do remember this, the kid was crying and screaming at the door and saying, I don't want to die, let me in. And the fact that the band let go. It's not even like it's not worth robbing this man anymore. It's that I can't believe that I'm not the one who just did the most traumatic like damage to this kid's psyche.
When a robber who's strangling a child is like, Okay, this is too fucked up and just lets it go, you have to re align who you are as a human being.
Your moral compass is all kinds of fucked well.
You don't have a moral compass at that point, No, like your instincts, your survival instincts kicked in. He's like, you know what, Victorian ages, this kid is gonna die of smallpox. It's any it's fine, just let him go. That's fucking insane, that poor kid. Okay, I got I got a few others.
Here.
A Kansas City family bought a house on Craigslist and we're asked to wire the money to pay for it. The person selling the house told them the front door was unlocked and they could just go in and then send a text message to them telling the change, telling them to change the locks asap. Weird, right, Two days later, the police showed up at the door with the real owner asking them to leave immediately.
Wait what so this.
Family bought a house on Craigslist kind of side unseen. Oh god, wired the seller the money. The seller said, hey, the front door's unlocked, just when you get there, change the locks right away. So they did that. Two days later, the real owner shows up with the fucking cops and says, get the fuck out.
Of my house.
That's crazy.
Yeah, never send a deposit for anything online.
Just don't that. That is the best rule of thumb. Don't don't, just don't.
Yeah.
Here we have Reddit user Vin Bade sold a juicer on Craigslist and delivered it to the buyer's house. The next he noticed there was a desk on sale that he just wanted from the guy who just bought the Juicer. The following day, the rims for his exact car, making model wear on sell from the same guy. The Juicer buyer was posting ads specifically for ven Bade to respond, we just come over to hang out. That's sad.
That is very sad.
This one's not as sad. A hairdresser who goes by the name of Freddy advertises her haircuts and styling services on Craigslist out of her New Jersey apartment. She had a woman over for a haircut and the client said she wasn't happy with the haircut, so said Craigslist's hairdresser sprayed her with pepper spray and said, get the fuck out of my apartment. I understand, saying.
So many there's so many levels of illegal.
I gots okay, I understand. You know, the customer's not always right.
We don't pepper spray them though.
I mean, we don't know how she said I don't like my hair. She's like, hey, this looks like a fucking toddler did this. You should kill yourself and you're gonna come into my house. Off my brankslist ad you're right, I'm gonna pepper spray you.
I'm going I'm going on the other side. You're right, let's just start normalizing pepper spraying.
Karen's Yeah, okay.
We had another Reddit user who gave away a free couch to woman who says she could pay them to carry it upstairs. The woman watched as they carried it up and when they asked for a payment, she said, do you like roosters? Instead of money? She gave them probably the creepiest carved wooden rooster, and then ran back inside.
I mean, she didn't specify what she was gonna pay you.
With, So if you don't say, my rate is X amount of US dollars per hour, don't be shocked when you get paid in wooden roosters.
It's better than It's better than our guy who went and tried to work as a carpenter.
Yeah. In other news, Reddit user the dude abides one fifty seven's brother posted a fake ab with his name and number, saying he had a dozen fighting gerbils for sale. He said the inquiries lasted for weeks and he was quite impressed about the number of people who resorted to Craigslist for seeking out gladiator like Gerbils.
That just sounds cruel.
Yeah, eh, I don't know about that one. Okay, this one. I think I've told this one before, but the title always gets me. Man kills prostitute and he's acquitted because he was recovering stolen property. What when you hire a woman on Craigslist to the tune of one hundred and fifty per hour do you expect to get sex in return? Internet super creep Ezekiel Gilbert certainly did when twenty three year old Leonora Ivy Frago arrived at his door. When he found out sex wasn't part of the deal, he
became enraged and demanded his money back. Frego refused to issue a refund and ran outside to a waiting vehicle. Her driver, Christopher Perkins, confront of the angry sex hound When he stormed out, Frego jumped in the car. When Perkins tried to speed away, Gilbert fired four shots into the car, and sadly, the young woman was killed in
the attack. Perkins live, though, and with an eyewitness to the crime ready and able to talk, getting Gilbert shipped off to prison would be no problem at all, except for one thing. The crime happened in Texas. Oh god, that's to tell the listeners are like, Okay, I didn't know how this is gonna work.
Now I know how this is gonna work.
Oh God.
The funny thing about that batshit insane state is if you see a crime about to happen and it involves your property, you're pretty much in the clear to kill a person to prevent the crime from happening. I do not know that that's true. That's not legal advice. Texas listeners. Don't kill someone if they rip you off. Do not call your local sheriff's office beforehand.
I'm reading this.
No, no, no, not beforehand. Just call them. Not beforehand. You made that sound like before you actually go and kill someone.
That's what I meant.
No, God, no, you don't.
If you think that's an exaggeration. This case should be all the proof to the contrary you could ever need, because Gilbert was acquitted on the grounds that he was, say, defending his property from being stolen. The law that allowed us to happen gives Texans the legal right to protect themselves with deadly force to prevent a whole array of crimes, including arson, burglary, and any crime however, minor that falls under the insanely huge umbrella of criminal mischief during the nighttime.
I just I don't I read stuff like this, and I'm like, you know what, that's fine. People exist to just do terrible things. I have a few funny ads before we go. I know it's not quite an hour long episode, but you know, the ward interview took a lot out of us. First and foremost, he was a great guest to get on, but that was that was That was a tough episode to get through because I
had so many questions. And I have this problem ever time I have a guest on where I don't want to geek out and like super fan my way into like what did the house smell like with the Bears?
Did it smell?
That's not even like that's like put put put the lotion on his skin.
Yeah, I know, and I have to be yeah, because again I want to be in the moment. But anyway, this person was selling their grandmother's teeth. That just says, my grandma's teeth two hundred dollars in Lewisville for sale, My late grandmother's teeth. They're in decent condition. I'm kind of sentimentally attached email if you're interested or just want more info, I know what I have.
Okay, then we have.
Their vantage, so their vintage. Oh my god, so this one is definitely hilarious. I know I've told this one before and I can't. I just I can't not share this again. It says jo on rails.
Is the title jo on Rails?
Yeah?
Do you know what jo stands for on the internet? No, go ahead, keep it that way. I want an age twenty five to seventy year old guide to come over and jo in my model train room. Mutual touching and stuff, but nothing more than that. I'm not gay. Thank you for letting us know. Oh oh, it's all h os scale. Then after you finish, you can stomp around and kick the trains and buildings like a monster. Don't break them though, they're my sons. We can do this until four am,
or until we get tired. Also, I have lots of imitation crab meat my freezer, and I need to get rid of it so you can have a bunch when you leave. It's all perfectly good. We just got too much. Let that sink in. I've never once seen a model train, and like you, know what it's done. Nothing gets my gears going, Like see those little mechanical wheels barrowing down the track.
It's the imitation crab.
Maybe that's what's doing it to them.
Don't you remember in Game of Thrones?
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Hang on a second, Hang on a Seconday.
The crab ring goons. Wait a second, not their crab.
I just what is it about craigslist.
That the succulate Chinese meal?
Just what is it about that.
Just brings the absolute like crustaceans of the entire humanity?
Well, speaking anyway about Game of Thrones, House the Dragon season two comes out in June.
I am excited about that. But the first season was just so dark.
It was dark, and it was slow, it was building up. I just I want to see more dragons, more death.
Just more everything. And I swear to God if they don't turn on a light to film this freaking season.
But we could afford back lights and Phantom Farm. Don't tell me that HBO studios can't.
Yeah, we had literally had to watch it and pitch black and it still was not bright enough.
Yeah.
Okay, so this one just says the misconnection that's better left missed to the beautiful lady who saw me pooping? Anyway, me taking a huge poop in the fifteen pee pizza bathroom, you drunk, beautiful discovered that I forgot to lock the door in my haste. Look, I know it must have been awkward for you to see me in that state, and especially since it didn't seem to bother me that you walked in. We made eye contact for a brief moment. You have the most beautiful brown eyes. No pun intended.
I said, hey, beautiful lady, right as you slammed the door, and I meant it. Everyone poops, And now that you see me pooping, I feel like we've already moved on from Oh my god, there's just levels to this.
Please please stop anyway, Now.
You've already seen me pooping, feels like we've already moved our relationship to a higher level. If you read this and feel the same way, respond, I hope this smell didn't offend you. I hate indianfood for lunch. Dot dot dot.
That is no excuse.
Yeah, the last one I have here. Okay, I got a couple more, but this one's definitely one of the stranger ones. Before we end of off this episode, Free human size hamster wheel. Free human sized hamster wheel available for immediate pickup. Can accommodate up to two hundred pounds. Fully functional, not recommended for houses with small children or animals. Fifty pounds of shredded newspaper also available. I will not have this in my house any longer. Taking appointments to
view the wheel this week. Thanks Sondra. What is that for.
I? I?
Is this a furry situation?
Success?
Sondra's fed up with her kid dressing up like a wolf.
And running in a hamster wheel day and night.
Yeah, this one was just hilarious because I feel like this could be any of our companies that we've ever worked for. We need a smart person in all caps, we need a smart We need a smart or more person to help.
On you in with our company.
What does that mean?
You need a smart person to help with their company? Clearly this is not aimed at you because you didn't get it right away.
Apparently not.
This is they need a smart person for the help their company. That's all you need to know. Okay, I have one more here that I may have posted this at one point looking for four or five people willing to go to look for Bigfoot. If you have game cameras or even night vision video recorders, I would like to spend a few days in the woods looking for Bigfoot. I recently found a print in the mud well out fishing context of pics to you for proof, even go
to the location. If you're interested, please text and call his numbers still up on this post. Okay, that definitely wasn't me, because you don't post your full phone number.
No, dear God, you don't anywhere online. But I don't know unless it's a burner.
Unless it's a burner, I guess, did you.
Like, just have won too many shots one night?
Just I've been known to occasionally want to go find Bigfoot after a couple shots of Southern comfort?
Do you mean after every time you have a drop an entire bottle, even a drop of alcohol. You don't even need alcohol.
Find me in the woods.
That's all I'm saying, exactly in the woods.
Follow the noises. So with that being said, as you know, it's a new year, twenty twenty four is looking very bright for us. I don't know what all is on the agenda, so let us know what you guys want to see for us from us With us however you want to phrase it. We're just excited to bring some pretty fresh and exciting.
Content to you.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Well, with that being said, let's say, have anything you'd like to add? No, no, I think we're not have to add this episode of Craigslist two k twenty four to our never ending but are always.
Growing Tails from the Dark.
Eight five, twelve, sixteen.
Twenty one nine
As