Tales From A Cult Insider

Forgiveness v Freedom

As I'm working out guests for the podcast and getting the schedules to line up, I've also been reflecting on this idea of healing through truth-telling. I want more of that healing. I'm greedy. I want to be free. I yearn for freedom from the tendrils and chains of what those cultists did to me - WHILE at the same time, I'm grateful for the hardship that led me to become a deeply happy and blessed person. So I reflect on all that in this episode. Stay with me! And if you're enjoying this, please ...

Next Guest: My Dad - Part Two

This is the second half of the session with just me and my father. He adds more detail and we have a good opportunity to keep proving the truth that there's always more to the story. Also, he's a great dude and I love him. Thank you as always! Don't forget to rate and share!

Next Guest: My Dad - Part One

My dad stuck around to share more interesting details and more from his perspective about how his life was in the Process, then the Foundation Faith of God. Thank you all for returning to the podcast, and thank everyone who is just finding it! I hope you enjoy this new approach of healing through truth-telling. There's more to come! Please remember to share and rate!

First Guests: Dad and Sister - Part Two

My father continues telling his story. Lots of neat details. We do a lot of good for ourselves and others when we not only listen to there stories but also try to help them tell that story. Often, when we have a story to tell, even a true one that is from our experience, we need help and space to figure out how to tell that story truthfully and in a way that satisfies us. I hope this episode is the beginning of that for my father and might inspire you to do the same.

First Guests: Dad and Sister - Part One

As I mentioned, my father was a big driver of getting this started back up. This is the episode where he starts telling his story, with my sister and I adding color commentary, questions, and our own memories here and there. He shares stuff I didn't know at all. It's interesting to realize that there really is always more to the story, and there's so much power in telling the truth and knowing what you're saying is being listened to.

Introduction to Season Two

We're back! In this episode, I share what has happened over the last couple of years that made it necessary to start a sequel season. New information, new photos, strengthened relationships, renewed friendships, and healing opportunities got me thinking, "What if I went back and shared all of this with those amazing listeners?" So I did. And that includes guests! Here's the intro to tell you what to expect and to also tell you all about what happened when - all of a sudden - I heard from someone...

Surprise! Season Two Intro and Trailer

Surprise, there's more! Lots has happened since "I'm Out" dropped. I've loved the freedom I've felt from the cult as I feel I've truly moved on and healed, so I'm very grateful. But there's more. Like, more guests with unique insight. And more reconnections. And loads more information. So welcome to season two of this podcast. Actual Season Two. I think I called some episodes a second season, but this is now the official Season Two. Thanks for coming along for the ride. More to come soon!...

Tales from a Cult Insider - I'm Out

I needed to record some truly final thoughts while actually on Best Friends property. So I recorded on my phone near a highway and you'll hear cars going by and me being reflective as I take the final step of the journey this podcast has taken me on. I can't overstate how much it means to me that you have taken this journey with me. I hope you've gained hope and optimism for the future and have gotten a glimpse at the amount of power you have in your life to change and improve and make yourself ...

Episode 44: Grand Finale Recorded with a Live Audience

This is the grand finale episode, recorded in Kanab, only seven miles from Best Friends. Poetic by design! And with a live, not exactly studio, audience! This is a wrap-up episode aimed to provide some closure to myself and all of you wonderful listeners. I think it worked. I share my deepest feelings about all of this and I have hope and optimism and am blessed with all I could ever need. -- also yes, there's a bit of a bonus 'outro' episode after this... Please review, share, spread the word. ...

Episode 43: Punches Sort of Thrown and Final Thoughts

This is the final of three long, deep episodes with my wonderful sister, Emma. You can find more of her perspective and also her excellent talents on TikTok at spicyemmapanada . We make sure we say what needs to be said, not out of malice but because we will tell the story and we are responsible for telling all of it, both for ourselves and for the world to have truth. So join us for the ride. And stay tuned for the final episode in a few short days, recorded in a super cool location!...

Episode 42: Kids and Siblings and Parents Healing Together... and TikTok

My sister Emma joins me for another wide-ranging, mildly cathartic episode in which we dive into the trauma of constant instability and how that looks today. We also talk about how the cult did our parents dirty and really was a wrecking ball of crap. Start for the silly inside jokes, stay for the sweet chat about The Little Mermaid . Which is obviously more than a chat about a movie with a series of questionable messages.

Episode 41: Another Cult Insider - My Sister

The podcast is back. Not epilogues, not bonus episodes. Back with stories and more truth that needs telling. Back with my sister, Emma, for at least the next several episodes. I'm still not trying to bring down the whole thing that used to be the cult that we grew up in. But I'm not happy about keeping some of the story untold out of a desire to 'be nice' or whatever. So when I heard my sister telling some of what she experienced, stuff I didn't know about, I knew it was time to, well, throw a p...

Epilogue 6: Reactions from Me and Others to the Religion News Service Article

Back in January of 2020, before all the crazy, I was contacted by Bob Smietana, who was then the Editor-in-Chief of Religion News Service, a rather impressive and wonderful news outlet that reports on the religious angle of all the newsworthy stuff going down. Bob had found this podcast and was interested in discussing my childhood and experiences and we ended up doing an interview some weeks later. He also talked to my dad and sister. The article ultimately came out on October 14 and you can fi...

Epilogue 5: What It's Like to Visit Best Friends Now

You can probably imagine that visiting Best Friends now is odd. In this epilogue episode, I share stories to illustrate some of the strange and disconnected feelings I have visiting there. Spoiler: it's odd. But cool and chill. Remember to review and share this podcast with your chums and bums!

Epilogue 4: My Reaction to the Documentary

I learned a lot from watching the documentary that Neil Edwards at TwoFour Entertainment put together. It's a very good documentary with an impressive amount of primary sources, interviews, and footage and audio. Very cool stuff. I had several visceral reactions to this thing. I considered writing them all down, but didn't want to go to the effort. So I recorded an episode. This one is me being a little less guarded than usual. Not out of vindictiveness, but truth has to be spoken. Not 'my truth...

Epilogue 3: Nearly Thirty Years Later - I Know What the Cult Believed

Remember that episode I did on what the cult actually believed? Well, my knowledge was far more incomplete than it is now. I received a bunch of material from the director of a documentary about the Process. His name is Neil Edwards and the documentary is called Sympathy for the Devil: The True Story of the Process Church of the Final Judgment. He sent me some interesting stuff in the same package as a DVD copy of the documentary that I ordered. If you're interested, Google that title and you'll...

Epilogue 2: Finding Parts of Myself - Even Today

Did I ever tell you I was a firefighter? Well, I was. My first call was to rescue young bulls from a truck accident. My first fire was a dumpster fire. No, literally. Also, I talked a lot about how important books were to me, but I don't think I emphasized the power and importance of music in my formative years. It provided unfettered exhilaration and pretend and I will always be thankful to it. I recently rediscovered an artist and album and it took me to a place I was delighted to revisit. Any...

Epilogue 1: My Mission to Brazil

This is the first of at least three epilogues. The way I grew up led me to a mission in Brazil and I found a home in the warmth, goodness, and welcome of those people. And I learned and was changed fundamentally. This episode shares some of the more impactful stories from my mission and you will be able to see how this experience provided everything I had wanted my whole life. Sincerity, genuine faith, and things that in my old cynical mind I considered cheesy and dumb. Now I believe they're tho...

Episode 40: Post Cult Story 3 - How I Met Their Mother

Spoiler: I have never seen that show. Not even a single episode - and I'm a big fan of Alyson Hannigan. This episode brings the podcast full-circle from where I started: I wanted a family, to where I am now: I have a family. It's longer because there's a lot of juicy details and intermittently mortifying memories. I tell how I met my dear wife and how we got to know each other and got engaged. So buckle up, this is the last episode until I have a few epilogues done in a few months or two. Also, ...

Episode 39: Bonfires, Poetry, Metallica, Girls, and not LSD

This episode starts with me singing, moves on into me reading a very small part of a poem by Walt Whitman, and then just keeps to that epically high standard. I mean, might as well go out with a bang. But really though, this episode is all about the things that helped me find my identity, my voice, my love, and my passion. Things that helped me see and recognize beauty. Also, it's about Dead Poets Society, that amazing movie. So check it out and remember to review, share, and rate!...

Episode 38: Life Immediately After

So it's not like the story of my life in the cult and then out of the cult is ever really going to end. I am who I am due to my circumstances and my choices and I wouldn't go back for anything. That said, we're winding up this big arc and the podcast is going to come to an end soon - with some epilogues here and there over the next few months or so. This episode is where I share anecdotes and situations and funny and even important experiences in my immediately post-cult life. In fact, I share t...

Episode 37: The Great Escape

It's the episode you might have been waiting for! I talk about how I finally actually got out of the cult. For a guy whose bread and butter is telling stories, I recognize that this story might be somewhat anti-climactic, but it's not. It's true in all the right ways. I made my choices all the way along and those choices helped me get out of the negative, abusive situation and start healing. So give it a listen and find out how I found the physical freedom I'd sought for so long - although I'd f...

Episode 36: The Promenade and Easing In and Out

Okay friends, we're closing in on the story of my escape. But before that, some things changed for us kids. This episode focuses on all of us kids in the Dallas Branch-- also called the Children's Center. I mention a few things I've talked about in the past and put it all together, doing my best to share what it felt like to be an older teenager in this cult. There was a normalcy, even though it was still bizarre. The conversations I had with new friends were a bit of a taste of what I would exp...

Episode 35: Memoir Chapter 6: Are You My Father?

I share another chapter of my memoir, in which I tell some stories about learning who my real father is, how my biological family sort of evolved, being a ring-bearer at a cult wedding, and more. I also pose some questions to you, dear listener. I await your response. Merry Christmas!

Episode 34: The Children's Ministry

If I were a clickbait headline writer, this episode's title would be: Hypocrisy Made Him This. Click To Be Shocked! The truth is that the name The Children's Ministry might not mean what you think it means. And in this episode, I finally reveal a deep, dark secret that perhaps two people outside of the Dallas Branch kids know. Or really, those two people might not even remember me telling them. So you get to find it out. Also, this episode covers one of the most bizarre disconnects that I experi...

Episode 33: History and Life of Brian's Bright Side

Given how sort of all over the place the history of the cult is being told in this podcast, I thought it might be useful to really hone the thing's evolution down into a simple explanation of facts, with my own perspective on some of the popular myths about the cult. For example, was it a Satanist cult? Answer in the podcast (spoiler: no). Also, even in major trauma or very harsh conditions, the human spirit is strong and will find joy. Luckily, this cult was not good but was nowhere near as bad...

Tales From A Cult Insider (Trailer)

Episode 32: Memoir Chapter 22: The Cult's Life and Death, But Not Really

If you're a long time listener (first time caller :-) ), you know I've written my memoir. I'm revising it now preparatory to sending it to agents. I wanted to share chapter 22 with you, in which I sum up the cult's evolution, and mine as well. It's also a chapter in which I give the cult's founders a much needed message. This chapter was incredibly healing for me to write. I hope you enjoy it. Remember you can email me, support this podcast, review it, and share it with your crew!

Episode 31: We Were Robbed

It's episode 31 and I'm talking all about being robbed. I also share some interesting experiences I had with old cult cronies over the last weekend and I answer a listener's excellent question about holidays. The being robbed thing was ongoing, really. But this episode is also about the actual thing when our home was burgled. Crazy, right? As always, thanks for tuning in. Remember to review and share!

Episode 30: Post-Cult Story 2 - Don't Cut Off My Hand, Bro!

This title will become self-explanatory, but spoiler: this episode will especially please theater geeks. Stage acting and everything associated with it blessed my life and changed it fundamentally. My baby face might have gotten me roles, but my roles helped me find a voice. I tell the stories of my very first ever part in a play, along with my very first solo act, and sort of getting paid to act professionally for a time. Also, theater helped me meet and marry a great lady. Not kidding. Enjoy. ...