Personally Oldsman.
One of my favorite parts of getting to do this podcast is to share stories in topics of things that either haven't impacted me or I can't speak from personal experience, because it means I get to learn with all of you as these guests come on. And that was the case last week, and it's the case this week. Sarah Todd Hammer is a disability advocate and author. She's twenty three years old, and we'll share her story of being disabled and walk us through the best ways to be
an advocate. You're gonna love this one, So let's do this. I'm here right now with Sarah Todd Hammer. She's an author and a disability advocate, and I'm so excited to hear her story and have her on.
Hi, Sarah, how are you, Hie?
Hi Morgan, thank you so much for having me on.
I'm so excited to have you on. When I had asked to have you on.
I watched your personal documentary Pressing Buttons short film on your YouTube.
Yes, thanks so much for watching.
Yeah, and I would really just love to start here by you sharing your story because that is a huge part of who you are, and that's the reason we're on and talking about this today of course.
Hi everyone. I'm Sarah Todd. I go by Sarah Todd or st is a nickname, and I'm twenty three from Atlanta and I've had a physical disability since i was eight years old. I actually had my fifteen year disability anniversary on April nineteenth. Related emotional anniversary, yes, I view it as mostly like a happy day. I try to do something fun on that day if I can.
Did you do something fun for this?
Yes? Yes, my friend was visiting actually, which wasn't planned to specifically be on that day, but it just so happened to be. So my friend from college was visiting. We spent the weekend together, so that was super fun. I had a great fifteen year anniversary.
Love that, and I love that you celebrate that every year because it puts a positive light on something that happened.
Yes, I like to, as we'll get into, I'm sure, I like to always view the positive sides of things while still letting myself acknowledge the sad, emotional, or challenging things because it's not healthy to ignore them.
So I try to have exactly correct and we totally won't get into that, Okay, go on, I just.
Want to acknowledge, thank you. Yes. So on April nineteen, twenty ten, so about fifteen years ago was when I became disabled and I was at ballet class. My disability happened to occur in ballet, but it's not related to ballet. I was a really avid dancer, loved ballet, and I was in my class try on my dance recital costume for upcoming recital, and all of a sudden got a really bad head and neck ache, which was so bad that I was gonna go home, which was unusual for me.
I usually wasn't like that. I never wanted to leave class. But on my way out of the studio to go home, I reached down to adjust my ballet tights and my arms and hands just stopped working out of nowhere. Obviously, my mom and I didn't go home once that happened. I was flown by a helicopter to the nearest hospital and I was there for six hours that night. Didn't receive any treatment except they gave me motrin, which I
could have gotten at home. They didn't do anything, and they sent me home after six.
Hours and find me in a helicopter.
Yeah, they'd flown me in and then sent me home, even though my mom was begging them to do something, asking for a different doctor, asking if I had a brain tumor, if I had a stroke, or various different things, and they just didn't listen. So wasted our time there. Was sent home really late at night, around eleven midnight, and the next morning woke up and then couldn't move my legs. So all in a matter of sixteen hours, I became paralyzed from the neck down, completely out of the blue.
How old are you at this time?
I was eight, so very young and obviously very scared. But when I was sent home, I remember the doctor told my mom, if she's not better in the morning, bring her back. So I was like, okay, then he thinks I'll be better in the morning. When I woke up in the morning, I was excited because I was like, Oh, everything's gonna be fine because he'd said that. So as an eight year old, that's how your mind thinks. So yeah, So it was completely paralyzed. In the nicktown. We went
back to the hospital. I was there for two months. I had an MRI done that showed a spinal cord injury from C two to T one on the spinal cord, so very large section of my spinal cord was damaged, and I regained the ability to walk in the hospital, thankfully, but was left with partial paralysis in my arms and hands, which is what I still have today. I have a really unique disability because most people don't just have paralysis in their arms and hands. Usually if they have that,
they're also in a wheelchair. But I'm walking, so a lot of people actually don't realize that I have a disability, even though my disability affects my day to day life. So that's how everything happened.
And that was the wild thing when I was watching your documentary was just how much.
This is something so random?
But I remember I broke my tailbone, and I didn't realize how much that.
Impacted my life every single day.
I cannot simply imagine what it would be like for someone who doesn't have the use of their arms in their hands to do every single thing they need to do in their day to day life.
And you went to college.
Yes, how we could talk about that too. Yeah, I'm sure breaking your tailbone was so painful.
I did it rollerblady with him five minutes and I'm like, Why did I do this?
Why did I do that to myself?
But if I think it gave me a perspective that I would have never had, because you just don't realize how important every single piece of your body is to making everything work.
Yes, until you can't use a certain part of your body, that's totally the case. But what's interesting is since I was eight, I feel like I just had all of this happen to me, and then I just moved on in a way. Yeah, it's hard to explain because looking back on it, I recognize that I very much just wanted to go back to how things were before. So when I went home from the hospital, I was like,
all right, I'm home. Everything should be normal now. But then I needed help feeding myself, and I needed help getting dressed, and I wasn't going back to school, and so then you're like, oh, it's not how it used to be. But I think kids are just very resilient, So that actually helped me. If I had been older and this had happened, I maybe wouldn't have adjusted as well.
So I'm old enough that I remember it and I remember what it was like to be non disabled, But I also was young enough that it helped me adjust.
Do you look back on that time of your life and even the days, months, years that followed and remember a lot of emotional moments in trying to understand why all of the sudden this would happen.
Yeah, I feel like I was just very focused on going back to normal, and I didn't really let myself sit with what had happened too much, which then made everything come up later as I got older and realized, oh wow, that happened, and I can't even believe that happened.
For example, certain memories from the hospital, I know looking back on it that I was having like panic attacks and anxiety, but as a child, I didn't know how to share that with doctors, and they didn't know what was happening, or they would just tell me you're okay. I know that you're fine because you're talking things like that, And so it's difficult because as a child, I was scared of certain things, scared of medical procedures and all
of those things. But I wasn't able to comprehend this was just a life altering event necessarily, and it was more like, Okay, I'm getting through this. I'm out of the hospital now, I'm at home. Oh, but now I'm doing therapy for eight hours a day. Then I'm done with that after this month, and then it's like you're
just going through the motions. That's more so, I was thinking as a kid, dreading those things until those things ended and then I could just live my life with my disability without like the scary medical things.
Yeah, I would imagine that would come with some trauma of medical and understanding, especially been to you so young, and especially that first even hearing you talk back that story, that first moment of them being like she's fine, give her a motrin, and you're like, I'm obviously not fine, but okay.
Yes I knew I wasn't fine. But then I'm like, he's a doctor, so as an eight year old, you're going to trust the doctor. And then thinking too, looking back on it, how powerless my mom had become. Because when you're fighting with a doctor, you can't do anything. They kick you out of the hospital, you can't stay, they refuse to give you a new doctor. And that makes me sad thinking about that too, how that happens to not only just me and my mom, but so
many other people all the time. And I don't know why it's a very common occurrence. Unfortunately, it very much is.
And that's a gosh story for a different day, I suppose, because that has things.
All on its own.
But something that I was thinking about to when you do return to normal life post this event happening, were you worried about what other kids might think? Were you worried about what those interactions were going to look like? Did you have bad ones? Or was it a relatively good experience for you.
I don't know if I was necessarily worrying what people would think. I don't remember that. I feel like i've, thankfully he's actually been a very confident person. So my fears are really less about what people are going to think of me and more about, oh, what's going to happen if I have a fear, and how am I going to react or how am I going to take control or fix things? So I don't really remember worrying
about it. But then I do remember when I finally went back to school, so I had finished second grade. It was April when this happened, so I'd taken the standard grised testing and they just let me finish. Third grade came up. I did that at home so I could focus on physical and occupational therapy. And then for fourth grade, I returned back to the school building and I had a full time aid with me to help me with school supplies like writing, getting lunch out, doing
the bathroom door, stuff like that. And I don't remember being scared of what people would think of having her with me, but I do remember things definitely were different, Like there was one instance where I knew one of my friends had a birthday party and I wasn't invited, and she told me that I could have gotten hurt because they had a pinata, and I knew that wouldn't
have happened pre disability. There was one instance where i'd one of my friends come over to my house after school in fourth grade, and as she and I were going up to my room, I heard her mom ask mine if what I had was contagious. Wow, And that stuck with me because it made me realize, oh, like, she's worried about her daughter hanging out with me, even
though we were in the same class at school. And I do remember friends, like, you know, I had a best friend before school or before my dis ability, who was a boy. And then when I returned to school. We were in fourth grade instead of second grade, and he didn't want to hang out with me as much, probably because he was like getting older and becoming a cool boy. And that was different to me because I was like, oh, we were best friends when this happened. Now you don't want to sit with me at lunch.
So definitely things that happened that were upsetting, but that I didn't necessarily worry about because I didn't know what to expect.
Yeah, and that's hard too because you're also a kid, and that happens usually to kids too, So then you're having probably this, Okay, is it happening?
Did I do something? You're not the way that I'm hearing you talk to you. This is just part of who you are, as it should be. That is how it should be.
But to people who don't have disabilities, they see it as a disability.
They treat you differently, which is the whole reason we're having you on because we don't want people to do that.
Yes, even that quickly, it just became who I was, even in fourth grade. It only been a year and a half or so less than that, and I was already like, oh, this is just my life and so then when I was treated a little bit differently, it was almost confusing because I was like, why what's different?
Yeah, you're like to me, I'm still me?
Yes, still who the person that the only thing that's changed is for me?
Yes, exactly, not as much for the other students and friends. It was my life that had changed.
You were talking about in that video too, And maybe there's other things that you can pinpoint, But what can this disability look like for you that people may not realize? Because I do think that helps them understand the things that you're going through while also being able to treat you normally. When we understand things better, we can understand how to interact better.
Yes, something I've been exploring a lot is how I want to be seen and then how I've realized other people see me and not in a looks type of way or anything like that, just about like how my
disability makes itself known. Because I used to describe myself as having an invisible disability, and I talked about that a little bit in my short film because I had just assumed that when people met me, they had no idea that I had a disability based on just like the interactions i'd had with people I would meet, I felt like they had no clue. And I think a lot of people don't know it, but then a lot
of people do. And when I was in college, I took a class that was a disability studies class and we explored invisibility and visibility of disability, and I realized that this is a way more nuanced topic than people realize.
And so the things I have thought about, like even back in high school, like I wrote an essay just for fun called what you Don't See, and it was directed towards my classmates, just in general, and it was all about how my mom got me ready for school by helping me put on shoes, helping me get dressed, putting my hair in a braid or a bun, packing my lunch for me. Someone drove me, even when I was in tenth, eleventh, and twelfth grade and everyone else
was driving themselves. I show up to school looking super put together, just like everybody else, but nobody saw what it took to get me there. So that essay was all about that what you don't see, You don't see all of these things that go into my disability, but they're there. But that doesn't mean they don't exist. So I've actually found it very validating to refer to myself as having a visible disability, because if I don't, I'm centering how other people see me and not how I
see myself. So that's something I've been exploring. I found it very helpful, honestly, to realize, no, it's not invisible. It's just that people don't see these things, and that's not their fault. That's just how it is.
Yeah, it's cool for you because growth is such a beautiful thing, right when you can understand yourself better and you're in those I remember.
My twenties and they're not long ago. I'm only thirty one, but I do remember my.
Twenties being such formative years where I understood so much more about myself than I ever knew that I needed to learn. You're at that prime time where everything is just starting to fall into.
Place and you're understanding and it's so fun.
It's also terrifying because so much of what you thought you knew is not the same.
Yes, I know, I love this age. I love being twenty three. You can literally feel your brain developing and you understanding things more, and it is fascinating.
Yeah, I think they sound on the internet. My frontal lobe has just developed.
It's so true, even compared to freshman year of college, and you grow so much in college. Even by sophomore year, I was so much different than freshman year. So much growth happens and I love it. But it can be challenging too, But overall I love it.
And speaking of college, you did go to college. You graduated last year.
I can't believe it's been almost a year.
Which it trust me, it keeps getting further and further away from me when I see that, like, holy crap, that was so long ago. But this is something that you always said you knew you'd do.
You you can.
Tell it in your voice, in the way that you talk about things that you're very driven and you were going to accomplish the things that you wanted to accomplish. But is there things on the flip side of college where you're like, oh, that's something I'm never going to be able to do.
Yeah, I definitely always knew it's going to go to college because I knew I wanted to do that. There are some things I know I'm never going to be able to do, but I don't really care necessarily, see I love this. Yeah, Like, I'm never going to be a surgeon unless I've seen some people who can be surgeons and they use the little robot things to do the surgery instead of their actual hands and they're not even necessarily disabled. So maybe in the future, but that's
just not even for me anyway. I'm not good at art anyway, so I'm never going to be an artist, like disability or not. But it's something I've thought about maybe just doing for fun as a hobby, because I do enjoy that type of thing. I was actually asked the other day by one of my friends, if I did a sport other than dancing, what would I want to choose? And I was like, oh, I've never been asked that. But I thought about tennis, and maybe there's an adaptive way to do tennis, but with arm and
hand brousis tennis would be a difficult one. But I've learned that there's so much that I can do and that I have done. There's so many opportunities for a joy in life that it doesn't matter if you can't do some things. And in a lot of ways, there's different avenues for doing what you did before, like with dancing. For me, I just did it a bit differently after becoming disabled. And that's okay.
I wanted to ask that question for the exact reason that you answered it. I'm so glad because it sounds funny when I asked it up front, but I wanted you to share with people that there was always this who you are as a human being came through that question. You were going to do what you wanted to do regardless, and you were going to figure it out.
Or the other side of you is I don't care, I don't want to do that. It's fine, Yeah, it's fine.
So it shows the side of importance of this drive that you have.
So just to make sure you know, I answered it, But did you did great? You didn't even know?
Yes, thank you. Yeah, I love that. And I mean, obviously it can be sad if you had a hobby before disability and then you're disability takes away from you. That can be devastating. That does happen, So I think allowing yourself to sit with that is okay. But then also thinking about all the beautiful things that have happened from disability that wouldn't have happened before you would have
made you just had that hobby. But after disability you can gain so many cool like new things like knowledge and friends and opportunities.
And that was saying an opportunity hobby.
Then yeah, yeah, I did.
Sorry to interrupt you, but I do remember you met somebody and you're really excited about it from your social media pages.
Oh my gosh, who was it? Was it one direction? Yes, I figured it was probably them, but I was like, it could have been a few other people too, But yes, I wouldn't have done that without my disability.
Yes, So your perspective and the way that you view what has happened to you and your disability is just beautiful.
That perspective is so important, so I love it.
Yes, Yes, And as you're in college and you're doing all these things, so you talk about how your mom had really helped you, and a lot of people helped you when you were getting ready for school.
When you were in.
College, did you have these moments where you're like, holy crap, I'm by myself and I have to figure this out.
Oh my gosh. Yes, And sometimes I remember those they just hit me and I'm like, because right now I'm living at home and I'm very happy about it for the time being where I'm like, oh, I'm so glad to be home. There's some memories I have where I'm like, oh, I would not go back. Overall, I loved college, had such a great time, and I miss a lot of things about it. But there were definitely some times where I had to figure something out and I'd be like,
I just want my mom. But then I'm like, that would happen disability or not too like the thing that I was struggling with maybe was because of my disability, but the thought was the same, Oh I just want my mom. So many kids would think that and it has nothing to do with disability necessarily, And those are the times where you know, definitely good for growth. But in the moment, I was just like, oh, I just want to be at home.
Yes, And to your point, yes, I had many times in college where I was like, oh my gosh, mom, it's the mean girl's meme.
She were the guys yelling his mom picked me up. I'm scared.
Yes, yes, that exact thought.
Yes, very often for you as someone with a disability, do you we were mentioning this topic of to you, it's not an invisible disability, and it's really important for you to identify that as someone with a disability and who isn't doesn't want to refer to it as invisible.
Do you want people.
To ask you about it, recognize it, bring it up or would you prefer that they don't. And it's just you're recognized as a normal human being without that, Like what is the way that you would like to be approached and interacted with?
It's so complicated because every situation is so different and every human is so different. And see, honestly, I feel like my disability is actually not even invisible. I think people just don't notice things like my arms and hands do look different. And I've actually found a lot of comfort and now referring to myself as having a limb difference, whereas a lot of people think you're an amputee or
you were born with some type of limb difference. But I've had people refer to me that way, people who know me, It is having a limb difference, and I actually found it very validating. So I will say that. But I think in general, I'm a super open person and with my friendships, like once I'm close with someone, I actually really like when they ask me questions and I don't even care what the question is. If they ask about if I can feel something, I don't care.
With strangers on the internet, I feel like they don't really need to know the answers to those questions. But I really like when friends do that because it shows they're not afraid to ask. What I find interesting is with some friendships I've had over the years. I think I've had some friends who clearly aren't bothered by the fact that I have a disability because they're friends with me.
But I get the sense that they don't feel super comfortable talking about it or they don't know how to talk about it, and I feel that honestly makes the friendship, in my opinion, more there's just some awkwardness there where. If it's just part of the friendship, then it's normal, and with strangers it's interesting. Like this is why I used to say I had an invisible disability, because when I'm walking around at the mall or the grocery store,
people aren't coming up to me asking me questions. Really like, some people might stare at me if they notice I'm trying to do something and I look different, but I'm not really being treated like a wheelchair user is at the grocery store, where people might ask questions unnecessarily. When I'm interacting with people, like if I need to ask for help with something, I've honestly realized those interactions are usually so normal and people are very good about things.
They don't really ask out of bucket things, and they just listen and help me with what I need help with. So anyway, Tangent long answer your question because it's just complicated. But I feel like with friendships, I want it to be acknowledged since it's such a huge part of me, and with strangers, they don't need to know things. But if it's someone I feel like I'm gonna end up seeing again, I don't necessarily really mind a question.
I love that you gave a complicated answer because it's a complicated topic. Yes, and it's again understanding, and the only person that can help us understand that is someone like you.
And that's a.
Catch twenty two because I don't like sitting here and making somebody be the advocate in this situation where even though you are an advocate and this is what you love to do, I don't ever want someone to feel like the sole responsibility of teaching other people who aren't like them has to do you know.
As that does happen, it's like you want to involve the people in the work, but then there's also a lot of emotional and physical labor that goes into that.
Yeah, but because you're reliving this.
Yeah, And to your point, you in college, you were a disability advocate who was really fighting to do a lot of things at your college for those with disabilities.
Like you, I really love this work.
But even someone like you who loves his work, who talks about it, who wrote a book, still has to have moments where you're like, gosh, why can't I just be me today?
Yes? Sometimes, definitely. In college, I would get that feeling a lot where I would and this was a compliment, but I would have other students come up to me and ask me questions about their disability or where to seek support for their disability. And it would be when I was just walking to class, or not even at a disability club meeting where that would maybe be more appropriate. And I actually had to learn to set boundaries of
I can't help everyone. I love that they view me as having the knowledge and the ability to do that. That's a huge compliment. So it'd always thank them and recognize that, but I would give them usually the disability office director's email and say go to them or whoever the right person was, because I just knew that wasn't my responsibility.
Yeah, and I'm so proud of you for putting boundaries because as someone who likes to help, it's often hard to place those boundaries in.
Yes, it is because you can feel bad about it, but it doesn't mean that you don't care. It just honestly means you're not the right person for them to go to, even though they might think you are, and that's a compliment. The truth is that the college student that you know is not really the right person to go to for help with disability accommodations. And that's fine.
Yeah, which, again, just thank you for being on this podcast to share so much of this because it helps us understand having conversations like that between a stranger and someone with a story gives us the knowledge that we all should have to navigate people and humans that we interact with every day. But why in college was it so important for you to do these adapted processes?
Why was that something that you focused a lot of energy on.
When I started college, it was because I had to for me to be able to go to college andanty without my mom or without an aid there with me, I had to have accommodations in my Doream in place for me to live there. I had alterations to the shower, to the sinks, to the drawers, lots of different accommodations were made. So it started with that. I did a
lot of self advocating there because I had to. Then I knew that I wanted to be involved in extracurriculars, but with high school and college, I liked just not just doing school. I liked to have some activities, and so I knew a disability club would be like the
perfect one. And so a lot of it just came from that, and then also my social media at the time, because I did a lot of videos in college about my accommodations and so many people thought it was so cool and they had tons of questions, and I realized a lot of people weren't talking about this. I didn't see any other disabled students online at the time. Now I've thankfully seen more representation of that, but at the time it was really being discussed, so that became an
avenue for activism. So it all just tied together and started from me being forced to do it, but then I enjoyed it and I think it's made me a more confident and assertive person too, because I know how to talk to people about what I need and I can talk about what other people need, like just for the community. Do that a lot on behalf of our club at school.
It's so cool what you're doing, Sarah Tuk. I just want to recognize that too. I'm curious your perspective because having a disability, I've seen on your social media you write two things.
You always read it on every video and.
It's oh, no advice please, yes, no advice please. And then in your captions you always write out the captions for others. So being disabled, do you feel like it has allowed you to understand others with disabilities better and make sure you're also recognizing the things that could be hard for them.
Oh definitely, because I think about this all the time that obviously we don't know how I would have been as a human if this hadn't happened to me, But what we do know is how I am now. But I think that I would not have been a person who would have known any of that stuff because I wouldn't have had a reason to. So even when I started making tiktoks five years ago, I didn't think about putting captions on them until I saw someone in somebody
else's comment section mention it. Now I was like, oh, shoot, I need to do that. So I was like, if I'm making videos talking about disability inclusion, I need to practice what I'm preaching as much as I can. Ever since then, I've put captions for death and hard of hearing people, and they're just more helpful in general, I think if you want to watch without the sound on, and they just improve comprehension. So I started doing that.
I put a video description on every video I post, and then an image description for every photo, and that helps blind and low vision people because they can use a screen reader on their phone and it'll scan the text and then read it out loud to them, so then they have context for what the video or the photo is. So I do that. I try to make my fonts accessible if I'm ever making a poster or something like that, and so I definitely do all of that and know a lot about different disabilities, but I
also recognize I'm only an expert in my experience. So for example, the other day, I posted a video looking at different products at Sophora and talking about what was accessible and inaccessible, and I would say, this pump from two Faced doesn't work for me, but I could see why other people would like pumps because maybe squeezing is
hard for them. There was another product that I could do, but it was a little bit difficult, but I could see that working super well for an amputee who has the full strength in their one but they just have one hand. So try to think about all of those things. But at the end of the day, there's no way I can know everything. Yeah, there's something I struggle with. On TikTok. There's definitely some people who will comment and be like, this works for me, So just because it
doesn't work for you doesn't mean it's bad. And I'm always like, I didn't say it was bad, it just said it didn't work for me. I'm not saying it shouldn't exist. So we need like more options and variety of things.
This leads me into this next question too, when it comes to representation with disabilities. What has that experience been like for you, And do you feel like we're going in the direction of having more representation.
I think it obviously is better in recent years. I still think what unfortunately happens those when there is disability representation, it gets turned into that like inspiration feel like the feel good emotions, like where the person with the disabilities being objectified to make other people feel good or better about their lives. And I almost feel like it's impossible
for that to not happen. No matter the tone of the movie or TV show or what music they use or the lines the person has, people are still gonna see it that way because that's just like what happens. It's almost just women are always going to be seen a certain way by men because that's just what happens. And it's very frustrating because it's like we don't want that to happen. So I definitely think representations better, but
there's still room for improvement. The one really good movie I watched a few months ago was the film version of the book Out of My Mind, and it's about I think preteen eighteen with cerebral palsy, and it was so good, Like they definitely made it known her disabilities a part of herself. It was very progressive and definitely not that inspiration feel good vibe. It kept it showed the challenges of her experience, but also the amazing parts
of her experience. So I really liked that. So that gave me hope for the future of.
I love that. It's funny.
One of my shows that I watched, it's called Tracker on Paramount and one of the characters they never talk about it, but he doesn't have his leg and so he's an amputee.
It's never think he's just a character.
Yes, that's not to see more of.
And as you're talking about this, I'm like, I want to recognize that because I feel for me as someone who just I really pay attention to characters and I love seeing the evolution of inclusion.
And that's so cool.
To me because he's just a character, that's who he is, and he's helping out this main character in this storyline.
I love that. Yes, I'm so glad you mentioned that because the movie I mentioned is about disability. But it's even cooler when it's there's a disabled character and.
That's just what they're just a character.
They're just a human being, which at the end of the day, what people what disabilities are as a human being.
Yes, yes, and it's not all we talk about, like even though like I love talking about it and do advocacy, there's so much more to me than that too, And not in a way of my disability being inferior to the other aspects of me, but like just the same as the other aspects of my personality, like me being talkative and me having a disability kind of the same thing.
Yes, And that actually that perfectly leads me to the last question that I was going to ask you, because I saw you say something that you want to be seen as a physically disabled young woman that you're also aligned.
With all of your other identities.
Yes, share with people why that matters so much, because it's what you were just talking about.
But I want you to expand further.
Yes, I love that stood out to you because yeah, I do say I want to be seen as the physically disabled young woman that I am, along with all my other qualities and things about my personality. And I say that because if we try to ignore that my disability exists. Like I was touching on earlier with how I felt with some friendships over the years, it feels like people aren't seeing the full picture of me because so much of who I am has to do with
my disability, because it impacts my life every day. But at the same time, I don't want it to be seen as some pity thing or some sad tragedy or anything like that. It's just part of me, and it's just as much a part of me as me being outgoing, me being confident, me loving social media, like they're all just parts of me and integral parts of me and big parts of my identity and everything I do is shaped by my disability in a way, because I can't not think about how that impacts my life or impacts
where I go and what I do. I like to say that, and I think it also normalizes disability being just part of someone, a big part of their identity and who they are.
Then I know that was supposed to be my last question that I had written here. It led me to ask something else because I would imagine that you're in the perfect place of your life where you're dating and exploring opportunities in dating.
What's that experience been like for you?
Because I imagine it's a little bit different, and you're also looking for a very specific partner.
Yes, I love that you asked this. I feel like in high school, especially, I was not interested in dating. I was just like, I'm here to go to school. I lived far from my school, so I had to get up really early to go and didn't have much time to do homework and just like rest. So in high school, I didn't even really think about it. In college, I guess I got this idea, oh, I'll find my
future husband in college. And then I went to a super small school with eighteen hundred students total, and there were a few, like slightly more females than males there, and so it just didn't happen. And I was like, I'm not forcing anything to happen. And I also realized any time I tried, I just didn't even feel like putting in the effort. So I just realized it wasn't a priority. College. I've thought about a bit more a little bit, but once again, I'm still like, it's just
not really something I'm super desiring to do. But I will say it's interesting because the times I've met guys, we've gone out or we're at a bar, I'm talking to someone, I feel like they have no clue. I'm always just thinking. I had like, these guys are so clueless. And I actually was talking to a guy I don't know a few months ago outside a bar, like two in the morning, and we were just talking, messing around, and he grabbed both of my hands while we were talking.
He was like, your hands are so soft. And it's so funny because people say my hands are softer because there's not as much muscle tone, so they literally are softer. And I was like, this dude has no freaking clue. And I was just like, oh, I use hand cream.
I love this experience for you.
It's so funny. So honestly, okay, all that to say, I just feel like they don't really know guys. They're not thinking that deeply honestly about much, and especially not a disability. But it's actually cast some interesting thoughts for me, because back to the how I want to be seen thing, I don't want it to be something that guys are
like or weird about or tiptoe around. And I feel like guys are weird about it with me because they can look at me and forget about it and push it to the back of their minds and just see the five foot blonde girl and then I fit into that stereotype and that feels weird too, Like I want them to see it just like how I do with my friends, and I don't know. Maybe that'll happen eventually, but I'm not going to force anything to happen, so
we'll see. But it's definitely more complicated as a disabled person, and you have to be even more safe with it too than most women too. I'm constantly thinking about how I'm going to keep myself safe and what information I would reveal to someone and keep to myself, because you don't want to seem extra vulnerable because you're already vulnerable as the woman.
Yeah, for sure, there's so many vulnerabilities and you're just piling onto that. Yeah, And I love that you're not forcing it, because I do. I think there's somebody for everybody, and I think you'll meet someone who is going to recognize you for you and have those conversations for you and not put it in the back of their mind, because that's also what you deserve.
Yes, thank you, Yes, Yeah, I feel like but if I want that to happen, I'll be able to make that happen too when the time is right. And I'm like, twenty three is also so young.
Oh yeah, you got so much time.
I think people freak out and they're like, oh my gosh, I need to find someone in college and then right after college, and twenty three is so young. I'm not rushed at all.
Sarah tied if I could look back at my life and the person that I was at twenty three is vastly different than the person I am now thirty one.
I'm sure so much growth happens, like it does so much. The twenties are pivotal time for growth.
They are, and they're so much fun to do by yourself, honestly, so keep doing it. But I wanted to ask because I do know that's such an important part of this life for you.
I do like to end on.
A piece of advice or a piece of something that maybe we didn't get to that maybe you want to share in.
This is open ended. You can go in any direction that you want with this.
I think lately I've been talking a lot about confidence and self advocacy on social media, and so I just want to leave everyone with, especially if you're a disabled person, don't be afraid to stand up for what you need. Don't be afraid to ask a stranger for help. I know it's so easy for me to say that, but I still feel scared when I ask a random person for help because I don't know how they're going to respond.
But I think trying your best to just do those things and recognize it's okay to be scared while you're doing it is good because there's so much power in advocating for yourself and it will make you a more confident person. You'll be a better communicator, you'll be more assertive, and especially if you're a woman, like it feels so good be able to be like that as a woman.
So I really love to encourage that with people, and remember that you don't need to reveal any medical details to anyone when you're asking for help, and you can keep it succinct and kind and assertive. And I just like to encourage people to do that as much as possible. But I know it's difficult, so it sounds easy for me to say, but there's a lot of power and self advocacy. I'll leave with that.
There absolutely is, and there's also power in people like me to make sure that we respond accordingly and also kind and also open minded.
It's an important message for everybody.
Thank you so much for being here, for coming on, for talking about these things that I do know that it's hard.
Yes, I really love this. This is one of my favorite conversations I feel like I've had on a podcast. You ask such great questions.
I'm so glad it's important for me to be a conversation and most of the time we leave as friends. So if you ever end up being here Nashville in person, we'll do another interview in person.
I will. I love Nashville, so we should totally do that.
That would be so much fun.
But Sarah Todd, thank you so much for coming on, and thank you again for what you're doing for the disabled community and for yourself.
Thank you so much. Thanks for having me, Morgan.
Sarah Todd Hammer was so much fun talking too, and not only a great leader but also an awesome human. In the coming weeks, I'll be doing episodes on friendship, health and wellness, veterans and one of my favorite dog rescuers on social media. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. I can't wait for you guys to hear these, and as always, I'm so happy you're here.
I love you. Bye.