Career Changes, Predicting an Engagement & Protecting Our Mental Health

Personally Mogan Foldsman.

If you're a listener of the Bobby Bone Show, then you're gonna know my guest this week. Her name is Hillary and she used to be on The Bobby Bone Show with me. But if you're not a listener, that's totally cool because she's also one of my really good friends and we're already get totally caught up on life.

Hillary, I'm excited.

I'm excited to get a talk with you auto microphone. Not that I haven't talked to you in a long time, but this is our first official talk on a microphone since you left the show.

Yeah, it's been almost three years. I was thinking about that today. I was like, this is the first time I've been behind a microphone in almost three years. And the last time i was was probably the last best Bits episode I recorded with you. Yeah, probably the last time.

It definitely would have been. Yeah, especially like a conversation between you and I. Yes, yeah, wow, A lot of life has happened since then. I know you want to like give it a catch up. Okay, well this whole thing is catching up. You want to share, like, Okay, you left the show?

What happened?

What'd you do? What? Like life events? What went down?

Yes, no drama or anything. I think people were probably like, why did you leave? Like did something happen? But nothing happened. I feel like it was kind of a I was turning thirty and I had my entire twenties, I'd been in RADI almost ten years had been radio, and I just had really thought I really want to try something new going into my thirties, and I just kind of had that I don't know, like a pool. There was just something telling me like, go try something, go do something.

Is my comfort.

That's all I know is radio. So I ended up, yeah, leaving and found a job at a record label. I'm a project manager now. And yeah, it's that was I think April will be three years ago, which is crazy.

And how do you feel in this new job? Like are you happy? You're still in the industry.

Yes, I'm happy I'm still in the industry. I do miss radio, Like there will be times where I'll see stuff on socials I'm like, dang, I do miss the show and I miss everyone there. Obviously we still talk all the time, so it's like nothing's changed between me and you. But yeah, I do miss radio. There's so many times where I'll see videos, not even just the show, but other radio people, my friends in radio, and I see them doing stuff. I'm like, dang, I miss it so much. So yeah, I do miss radio.

Do you think there's a world in which you go back for the right situation.

Maybe I'm keeping my options opened, like if the right opportunity. I feel that way about anything, even if it was something non music industry related. Honestly, anything I have learned just to keep my options open, and who knows what could happen.

Do you think like getting out of the music industry entirely, though, would make you sad because you do really love music.

I think so, yeah, it would make me sad. I've thought about it before. I'm like, Okay, what if I tried something completely different, because I do want to just try new things, And that was the part of me leaving was just to try something new and learn something about myself and grow my skills in other areas. So I think if it was the right opportunity and it was something I think I would enjoy, then I would. I can't see myself going and being like accountant or anything,

What about always in Nashville? I know, yes, as long as I've known you, you've missed Florida, which is your home state.

Yes, I am from Florida. I do miss Florida, but I love Nashville so much that I can't see myself leaving. I'm working on getting my family here.

That's getting them to move here.

Where where we're at right now is I don't want to leave, so you need to come up here? And how are we working on that?

How's it going?

You know? I they were just here and they came to visit, so I take them to you know, pretty places, like isn't it so nice being out?

You know?

There's mountains right there in trees, not that they don't have trees in Florida, but it's just it's a different everything different. It's a different vibe here in Tennessee. And I think my family would like it here. I keep I just keep telling them, you're gonna love it here. It's great. It's very calm and peaceful. I'm happy and I'm here, so you should come and you're here. That's all the Yeah, and they need that's the only reason, you know.

I have tried on multiple friends and family to get them to move to Nashville, and I have been unsuccessful on every single one.

Yeah, it's hard. Me and you are both trying, I know, and it hasn't worked. No, Okay, but not just career wise. So a lot has changed just in your life in general. You've had a boyfriend for a long time. Yes, When is it into February early March? Will be two years, which is so crazy.

Okay. Do you want to share how you guys met, because that's as wild.

Yes, we did meet at work. We set three seats down for each other. We worked together for an entire year before we started dating. We started hanging out more and to see. What happened was he invited me to church. I had been talking to him at work and I just mentioned I didn't really know he went to church, and I said that I was looking for a church home, and he said, why don't you come to my church? So I ended up going the first service I went to.

So I started going here at them show up some more. Just the one time she she.

Goes to church there?

Okay, yeah, and she.

Recently saying there a few months ago, and I've been seeing it on social media. It's so interesting to see your church just like on news sites and stuff. I'm like, oh, this is interesting. But yeah, it's the same church she goes.

Too, which is kind of kids Matt in Away, because you love Carrie Underwood.

Love Carrie Underwood.

She might be one of your top three.

Yes, she is definitely in my top three?

Is she your top one? Though? I've like Taylor Swift.

It's between her and Taylor Swift. Probably such a hard one, but probably Taylor. If you go look at my whatever you call it wrapped or whatever, that is, Taylor's my top. Well.

You also haven't had any carry Underwood parties. You've only had Kaylu and Taylor Switch parties. Not just one, but a few.

Oh a few. Yeah, get excited about these album releases you do. Yeah, now that in my job, I have to plan actual album release parties. So I feel like I'm so into doing them for work that in my own personal life, I'm like, I don't need another another party to plan.

So when you did the first album release party where you like, oh, I can do this, I've I've been doing these personally forever, and then you're like, oh this it becomes when it's part of your job where this isn't fun anymore.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like, oh, this was fun whatever, you know, when you're doing it personally. But then you're just like, I can't do this, I can't plan it, I can't plan anything else. Yeah, I put all my focus into planning my my work parties.

Yes. Yeah, So back to the boyfriend's situation, because when you were on the show, you were single and you had shared the hardships of dating. Yes, much like me. Which is funny that you when you left the show and you got a new job and you met this boyfriend in the new job. Have you ever thought about that?

Yeah, I actually have. It feels like such a god thing of Okay, maybe this is why I left because if I wouldn't have left, we would have never met each other. And I do feel like he's the one. I do think we're gonna get married. We've talked about it, We've been ring shopping, We've done all the things. So definitely feel that way about him. And it's crazy that if I would have stayed, I would have never met him. There's just we wouldn't have crossed paths. So definitely the kindest guy ever.

Genuinely, I don't think I've met a more kind human being. He's just always smiling, always happy, always willing to help.

Yes, he is. Like he is the happiest person I have ever met in my life and the kindest I know. He would do anything for anyone. And he's so sweet about my friend too, Like he always asks about y'all and like random stuff. Yes, he watches y'all. Stories like your things, very supportive, but he'll always ask randomly. We'll just be sitting there, how's Morgan. HIL's been doing? Like she's good, same.

Same, same updates.

Yeah, she's doing good. But yeah, he always asks about y'all and wants to know what's going on with y'all. And just having somebody who actually cares not just about me, but my friends and my family. Is that just I don't know. That says so much to me about somebody's character.

I know, and everybody collectively is super happy for you because they got to follow a piece of your story and now you're in this gray relationship. So that's exciting. Yeah, and I knew about the ring shopping and stuff, But is there more to that that I don't know about yet?

No, because I don't think there's anything I know, Like, like, I think something's coming. God, I don't think I've really said that out loud, but I think something's Okay, he'll get a text.

I mean, I'm sure it won't be coming at some point.

I better get a text, Oh fatime to see the Yeah, I'm so sorry you're getting a FaceTime not a text.

I mean, if it's here, I better also be there. But yeah, you have a feeling it may not.

Be I think. I think maybe over the holidays.

Okay, I have my feeling he's going to do it around your family because your family is so important to you.

Yeah, we're going to be near his family and my family, so there will be two opportunities.

Yeah, but if I know him and I know you, I think he will do it around your family. And maybe he like flies out his family to be there too. But I just imagine he's going to do it around your family.

I think so too. Me and you're on the same way of length. Like I, I'm even nervous to say this because if he knows that I have a suspicion, he may change his plans.

But you don't have to say it if you like, I think.

It may happen. I need to make sure my nails aren't painted right now, but I'm going to make sure I'm going home tonight to paint my nails, and they're gonna be painted just for the foreseeable future, because you never know when it could happen.

This is true, So you can't have a plane nail for the next month at least.

I'm like hiding them right now because I'm embarrassed now. But yeah, we need to go paint nails. I picked out the color last night. I was like, this looks like a nice color if I were to get engaged, this is the color I want to be wearing.

What is the kind of ring you want that you've been telling him that you want?

Oh, it's picked out, Like I know, I've always kind of known what I wanted. I really want an oval, an oval ring with are they called? What are they called? I can't think of the Oh, Marquee. It's a Marquee diamond like on its side as the band. It's like the band would be like Marquee diamonds and then an oval in the middle. But I told him silver gold. I said, this is what I like. But if you feel inspired by something else or there's you know, you do you you know what I want, just go with

I don't care. Okay, but will you actually be happy with anything because you've had this one picked out for so long?

I would? I know I say that hesitantly, but I would because I mean I honestly, at the end of the day, I just want to marry him. Yeah, but he is the type of person he's not gonna he's not gonna stray like he If.

He does, it'll be similar or something better. I feel like, yes, yeah, And maybe that's why you're not as nervous to say, like, do what you want?

Yeah, because he has my guidance I made. So It's funny is I made a note section in my phone of what I liked, and it has all the details and everything, and I sent it, I think it was to my mom. And one day me and him were talking. This is before me and him actually went ring shopping. I had an idea of what I wanted and I had sent it to my mom and I was talking to him and he said, I know nothing about rings. What do you even want? I said, Oh, I have a whole note section. I shared it with my mom.

Know you know what you want. So I went to her and said, of saying anything to.

You, that's what I thought was gonna happen. I said, I thought you had went to my mom, not to me. I don't know I've never done this before, so I don't know what I'm supposed.

To do different. Some guys go to the friends, sometimes the guys out of the family. Sometimes they tell nobody, sometimes they ask the woman. It's like it depends on the partner that you have.

Yeah, Like, what are you supposed to do in these situations? There's no rule book.

Have you always been because this is what's so funny about me at this point in my life. But I feel like you've stayed consistent in this. Like I had a Pinterest board growing up of everything I wanted at my wedding, the house that I wanted, and the different clothes I wanted to wear as I got older, Like all these different boards of inspiration of ways that I had panned for like one of my life to turn out.

Yeah, none of it.

I don't think I stayed consistent. I don't think of that.

I actually have the same for myself.

Okay, but you were more consistent than I am in that. I feel like you've kind of always had this feeling of like this is what I want. So have your things matched up with your Pinterest boards?

Yes? And no. I feel like I've definitely changed. So I also think I need to mention too. This is my first boyfriend, like I never had a boyfriend before him, and we started eating when I was thirty. So I think as I started getting later in my twenties, I thought I may actually never get married and I need to accept this. So I think in my mind I was starting to accept that the dreams I had for myself, like the house, the wedding, everything may not happen. So

A weddingess usual.

And I don't know if you've ever googled what is the average cost of a wedding in Tennessee, But it's quite a lot.

I would imagine somewhere in the fifty thousand range. It's not higher.

It's probably like a higher thirties forties, okay, which I am just I am not about I that is a down payment on a house.

It's also a down payment on a car. It's actually might be a whole vehicle.

It's a whole vehicle. Would you rather have a car or wedding. That's one day. This has been a whole conversation me and him have had about weddings and things like that. It's turned into a whole thing of obviously I want something nice, you know, where my friends are gonna be in family, but I can't stomach paying that price and it yeah, it's just not I Also it's opened up another whole nother conversation. I have thought about

Like it's the old school traditions I think rooted in the fact that the husband spends the rest of his life providing and taking care.

Of Yes, I googled it is that what it is?

That is? He's my best.

Guess that is so old fashioned. I'm so sorry, But there's there are women out there who make him more than a man. Now. Yeah, and it'e I'm about to open up a can of worms. People a gonna be mad at me, but no.

But I mean you you still have people who what the traditional and I think that's great if that's what you want. And I think you have a lot of people who don't. So it is interesting that, like one of the most old school traditional things is something that we don't ever like talk about. We just assume it's still going to happen, even though everything else has changed.

I've never heard anybody talk about this before, and it really baffles me that nobody talks about this. And I got talked to my parents and I'm like, I can't ask you for forty thousand dollars to pay for a wedding for me. I just can't imagine. Y'all have been so gracious my entire life, and I just can't. I

You know what's funny is like my parents are towards the point of thinking of retirement and where that's at in their lives and when they're gonna do it and whatever, and one of their conversations is like, well Morgan isn't married yet, and they're like, well, we need to make sure we have like this. And I overheard this conversation. I was like, stop right there. I do not care what your plans are for retirement. Do whatever you guys want to do, but you are not basing this off

I love it. I love that. That sounds like my dream wedding too. I feel the same way, like you've provided so much for me, and my mom's like, you know, we're gonna want to, you know, pay some of it, and I said, but I can't let you pay for all of it. You know, I'm an adult making money. I just feel like, you know, it's a couple we can we can pay for. It's our wedding. So yeah, I feel the same way.

How does uh Tyler, which is your boyfriend. Yeah, you've posted about it.

I can say, yeah, we're good, We're not super fine. You can call him out.

How does he feel in that conversation.

He I think at first, because he's never thought about it either, nobody's thought about it, because again it's automatically assumed that a bride's family just pays for it. So he's never thought about it. Yeah, and once I explained it, he was like, oh okay, and he gets it. And he also understands It's funny because when we first had this conversation, he was, I want to have a huge wedding. We're inviting everybody, even the mailman, Like, we're inviting everyone, Like, I want everybody there.

This's a big deal.

And once we really talked about it financially, of this is a lot of money. Do you want to buy a house? We have future we need a plan for Yeah, we might need a SkELL Is back. So he absolutely gets it now and he's on board. And I like you to mention your parents wanting to retire. I want my parents to retire. I don't want them to have to spend more money on me. They've already you know, so kind, they paid for my college, They've paid for so much in my life that they don't need to pay this.

Yeah. And I don't think you and I are alone in that feeling. I think a lot of yeah, especially as we get older, because I do think this is also changing with the shift of getting married older. I think when you get married younger, you don't have the money, you don't have the funds, you haven't been working in a career long right to have this idea of what how money moves and forms and how it transpires and wasting thirty thousand dollars on a wedding.

Right.

But the older you get, you're like, oh, you know, maybe not, or I don't want to do this, and you just have different views and perspectives. Yep, And still some I also think is all so when families want to if there's families out there who they are like, no, this is we want to do this.

Part of it cool, sure, business, but just.

Even the idea of a big wedding in general. Now, I'm like, I don't think I want to.

I don't I don't want a big wedding. I'm like I've even debated which I want them, but like bridesmaids and stuff, because I don't want y'all to have to pay for anything either. So I'm very much I'm very money conscious, and I've even thought of I've seen people doing airbnb weddings, which is a little cheaper as well.

Where you get married, stay there all the things.

Yeah, like the whole family can come stay, and I want it to be I'm not a big party person, Like I don't dance, I don't do any of that, you know me, And I I want it to be like an experience, like if we could all go stay in a cabin somewhere for a couple of days and like make it fun and make it like kind of like a vacation. Yeah, an experience of some sort. So that's kind of where my head is, which I need a ring before I can actually play anything. That's okay,

But this is the variation of pinterest board now right where you're actually picturing what is possible in what you think is the actual reality of life. Yes, you know, not just that. Oh, these are the dream goals and you're picking things that are the things that I would pin on my pinders board were probably twenty thousand dollars, you know what I mean, like exact crazy things that I would put.

Had no idea what you were doing.

No, even though I go back and look at them and I'm like, what was that?

Even? What was I thinking I had? I don't know if you had to do this in home med class, but we had to do a whole Like do you know what home meck is? Yeah?

Ours, I think ours was called homeck too. Okay, that was but that was like our food sewing.

Yeah, yeah, you do all like the the things. Yeah, like you learned how to cook and like we sewed pillowcases and things like that.

I made a quilt in that class. Oh that's cool.

We did not do that. We just did the whole pillowcases, just a little one.

Yeah.

It was not anything fancy.

That might have been the advanced run. I think I might have continued in the advance. But what's crazy is I don't have any of those skills.

Oh, I have none of them. Like it's very pitiful. I didn't learn much in HOMEGG. It was not when it happened, I don't even know if I did. No, I don't think I did.

Did you have to carry around the baby? No, you know we did.

We had to carry on eggs like we had. We had like you go buy a carton of eggs and you had to carry them around like in a little basket, the whole carton. No, like you could pick how many you wanted, like if you wanted two kids, there were your kids got it?

And I remem where they were just were like little white bere eggs.

Yeah, they were just like, oh I put a face on them, so like you made them look like you know, you may have a face.

It is a literal, like little literal because they are an egg.

Yeah, and you would be graded on if you came back and they had a crack or a scratch or anything. You were graded on that, which kind of honestly is a little smart because if you you know, if there's a crack in your egg, then clearly you did not do a great job. So we were all walking around with our little baskets like don't come near us, don't crack our little eggs, and we'd have to put them on our desks.

How long did you have to care for the eggs.

Oh, I don't even remember. It was probably a few weeks.

Maybe that's insane though, because listen, I get it, like kids are fragile. Yeah, but eggs, eggs like crack out a touch. I know you know what I mean.

I know that's what we were in charge of.

Though. Oh that's funny.

Yeah, I think mine survived. If I remember, you also naturally have motherly instincts. That's always been a part of you. Like even in our friendship, you just have natural mother instincts.

I think so too. I like, I just care, like I'm the one who I like to check in on everybody, make sure everybody's doing okay.

Oh, and you're totally gonna be a helicopter mom.

Oh you think so? Oh that scares me.

You know why, because you already like you already like to watch us, like where we're going, and you're like, oh, there you are, So.

You're totally gonna be doing that time my friend.

Yes, I know, I admitted.

I admitted to everyone that because I follow, we all follow each other. I'm like, there will be just some nights and like this gonnake sounds so creepy, but I'll just be laying in bed, Like, I just want to make sure everybody's okay, and so I check my little app I'm like, okay, Morgan's at her house, Doty's at hers, Gillian's here, Morgan's other, Morgan's my neighbor, so I know she's like right next door to me. So I just like to make sure everybody's in their house and everybody's safe.

You do and it's a great quality trait. But you're totally gonna be doing that with your kids.

I hope I'm a cool mom. I don't want to be a helicopter mom.

I think you'll also be a cool mom, but you will be a helicopter mom. I think that's just part of your care. Yeah, you know, I care because Karen can also come off as overbearing to a teenage kid, you know what I mean, So like it will be out of loving care. But you will totally be doing that, and probably more so than you do for us. You'll be checking them like.

Oh, it's going to be yes. I actually can see myself being person I think I'm just trying not to admit it, but I absolutely will probably be that person that mom, you.

Are also a little FBI investigator and can find any and everything on the internet, which means your kids want people to hide anything from me.

No oh no, no, you will not hide anything from me. Like you think you know tricks and secrets and how to get away with something. Nope, I'll catch you.

You know. And I wanted to talk about to the I'm scared. Well, no, it's it's kind of back to what we were talking about. But what has that experience been because we went on multiple different roads here, But you had mentioned how Tyler is your first boyfriend and now like potentially going to be your fiance. But what's that been like for you? He's your first boyfriend and you weren't dating before that. Is there like any part of you that thinks about that and that kind of situation?

Yes, I yes, I have thought about it. First of all, when I was never you know, part of the reasons I haven't dated was I feel like if I liked a guy, they wouldn't like me back. So it wasn't like a choice. Part of it was, but part of it wasn't. It was just people just didn't like me. So I always saw something was wrong with me.

Okay, I liked.

You, well, you know what I mean.

There were I'm ninety nine point nine percent sure even though I have only known you my adult life that there were people that liked you. You just probably didn't feel that back.

So they never pursued it or they didn't tell me.

Yeah that's possible too.

Yeah, you maybe beautiful.

So I can guarantee that there were people that liked you.

Yeah, maybe they just didn't tell me. Okay, so maybe there have been missed opportunities, which is fine because I'm happy where I'm at. Yeah, but yeah, no, I've always felt like, okay, something's wrong with me. If I'm not nobody likes me, nobody wants to be in a relationship with me. Something's wrong with me. And I'd have strangers on the internet tell me something was wrong with me too, So that didn't help. Yeah, they definitely let me go. They're like,

The timeline was just different.

My timeline was different, and it was definitely worth the way of waiting for waiting to find him like he is, like you said, just to a gem of a human. Yeah, he's precious.

Well do you feel like, do you still have those feelings now or did once you met him? Did that all kind of quiet itself?

It? Did? It quieted itself? I mean I I you know me, I struggle with self confidence issues and things like that. So that stuff has remained, but the whole it was like it was different. It was I do feel like I'm worthy enough and you know, good enough for someone, and so I feel very secure in that. But within myself, I definitely still have, you know, the doubts and self confidence issues, all those things.

You want to talk about that a little bit because mental health is part of this podcast, yes, and we talk about those things a lot. So where do you feel like you're at kind of right now in your life with your I guess you can say self love journey. Do you feel like you're on a better path or do you feel like you're kind of stagnant? Where are you right now?

I feel like I'm in a good place now. I think a couple a couple of years ago, i'd had not I was not in the best place, which was right around the time. It was right before I started dating Tyler. But I'll never forget. We were at a dinner, you know exactly. I know you're gonna remember what it was. It was a Valentine's Day. It was Valentine's Day dinner. And at the point at that time, I was still single and I just turned thirty, and I just was

I feel like that was a turning point for you because I had known you a couple of years before that. We had been friends for a couple of years at that point, and I had seen a little bit of the decline in your mental health just as you were making the changes with your career and things were just shifting in your life and it was hard, just as

Yeah, I felt that I felt, just even admitting to y'all, a weight lifted off my shoulders and it was I don't know, I'm so bad with all, you know, just talking about problems like I'm a peacemaker. I'm a nine on the enneagram. I'm very much a peacemaker, and I don't like to talk about problems with myself or if I have a problem with somebody. I'm just not good about talking about things. I sweep it under the rug. Don't want to talk about it, don't want to be

So you know, you are that the personality type of who you are as one hundred percent of peacemaker, definitely, but more so than that. It's funny I called this out at the beginning of our friendship because we are vastly different in our personalities. But it's more so because I wear my heart on my sleeve, You're gonna hear everything that's going on in my life. It's going to be out there. I suck it lyning, So it's just it's like word vomit all the time, and you're much

Yeah, I felt like people would I don't know, it's not that I felt people would judge me, but again, like I felt, I never want to be a problem. I never want to be a burden for people, and I felt like I was. And I know that's terrible to say, because I know y'all don't feel that way, but that's just how I felt. And I didn't want people to feel like they had to take their time and their energy to worry about me, And so I kind of would just pretend like everything was okay, well.

And correct me if I'm wrong. But you had had previous people in your life who had made you feel that way. Yes, so there was reason for you to believe that this was going to be everyone.

Yeah, it did.

So why would you trust new people? Why would you make friends when the only history you've known is these horrible experiences? Of course, that's who you were for a long time. And it hurts my heart that it took so long for you to finally be like it almost took you cracking to be able to finally be like, no, no, no,

I really haven't. This is like the first time I'm really kind of thinking of it this way and kind of going along with that. I'm thinking back to I feel like I'm this just goes to show how I feel so healed in a much better place. I forget about some of those things that I've gone through, And because I didn't have the best friendships before, I'm at y'all,

Yeah, you certainly haven't had an easier road and the conversations we've had, And that was one of the things you and I connected with heavily on when we first became friends, was the bullying and the mean girls and am I ever going to have friends? And what does that look like? And yeah, it's really hard, and you are right, I remember very little at this point. I've blocked a lot out.

I've blocked a lot out.

I had on my teacher, who was the one who i'd like hide in her class.

That Yes, that was so sweet. I love that you had her on.

It was so good. But she would recall things and I was like, dang, I don't remember that. Yeah, and it was like I my body. Once I let go of it and healed from it, I was like, oh, I put that And like even her and I just talking after, she's like, we're gonna you really went through some horrible things. And she would recall these situations and I'm like, wow, I forgot that. That was pretty bad.

It's like when you're healed, you just it's kind of like you forget. You just feel a piece and so you're not worrying about those things anymore and they're.

Not trigger anymore. So that's why I think, yeah, they're still pieces of those that are right, Like, that's what you're experiencing when this moment happened and you had this trigger of like, oh gosh, I'm about to do this and I don't know what the reaction is gonna be.

This is this is interesting.

Yeah, I think you've grown even from that because now that's not a trigger. Right now, you open up to us all the time.

I tell y'all everything. Y'all were like, that's probably a little too much. No, yeah, I know I can tell y'all, tell y'all anything. Have I ever told you? I don't have shared this. I think this is why a lot of my body issues started about this one teacher we had in high school. It was well middle school, high school.

Some time in a girl's life where she's taken everything.

She's taking, and so I've always thought like my body is something I should be ashamed of. And I think that's where a lot of this started. And I'll never forget my senior year of high school, we were going to prom and we had to get our dresses approved before prom, and I'd gotten mine approved by a teacher. This specific lady did not see my dress beforehand, so she hadn't approved it. So when I walked into prom, she sees me, I've really walked in and she immediately

Well rightfully so because I was a teacher, that was somebody in a position of power who made you feel inadequate in a very vulnerable moment, and so taken aback when you had done all of the right steps.

Yeah, you know, like this is someone.

Who targeted you, for sure in a way, and that hurts my heart for you. And I think it's a testament to you said, her name is Missus Hall. Yes, And and teachers like mine, Missus Manning, who do step in when the other ones fail. Yeah, and they show up and they they make you feel warm and welcome and loved for who you are. But it's also scary.

Yeah. I will never forget how that made me feel. And I still, you know, to this day, feel that way. When I'm wearing things, I'm like, oh, got to make sure I'm all covered up, or you know, got to make sure I'm looking okay, because it's just so ingrained in my brain. Ye, and I hate you know, it's so sad, But I think that's where a lot of my body issues began. Was from that and somebody commenting on it, and you know, telling me the way I looked wasn't wasn't right?

You know. I remember there was a time when you were trying on dresses for something.

We were in your room. Oh was it CMA Awards or was it for like, oh, I can't remember what it was.

It might have been CMA Awards, okay, but you were showing me different dress options, and I remember this being a conversation where you're like, well, my boobs. I was like, who cares? They look amazing, And I was sitting there trying to like hype you up in every direction looked fabulous, but this was a very and you're like, I can't. I don't think you ended up wearing that dress ident it.

For that reason, I got something else that was like straight across. Because it's just in my brain, because it's not even that I think it's wrong, it's how now I see myself and I see, oh, that's not good or that doesn't look good, or oh you know, I'm fat, or you know that it honestly just turned into that. It made me just hate every single piece of my body.

You know what, I hope on your wedding day you wear a sweetheart neckline dress.

You know. I've thought about that, and I think that it's going to it. I hope it doesn't, but I think it may affect how I shop for dresses and stuff. I thought about my wedding day and what I'm gonna wear, and.

I will be there to shop with you for dresses, and I am not gonna let you not pick out the dress.

Yeah, you're gonna be like you're wearing this.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's something.

It's crazy.

I'm about to be thirty two, and it's something that still affects me to this day. I think of those moments and think of, you know, the other times people have commented on my body and you know, said things about it. I just think about that.

Well, I'm sure there's other women out there listening to and who feel similar. So like, if you could go back and tell yourself something in that moment, what would you have wanted to hear? I besides the fact that they should have happened, right, Sure, that's coming up.

This should have happened. Honestly, I would just look at myself and I would tell myself, you're beautiful. I know that sounds so cheesy, but I would because I didn't think I was, and I I would just tell myself, you're going to be okay, You're going to like look where I'm at now. At the time, I wanted to move to Nashville, I wanted to have this job, I wanted to do all these things, and I was able to go do it. So I would just tell myself,

Oh well, that's why I always end everything out of advice, and that was really pretty advised. So I feel like that's where we shouldn't know. Thank you, even though I want to talk to you forever and we have more to catch up. I guess you'll just have to come back for a part too.

Yeah, I would love to. I love doing stuff like this. I've missed it so much, so I will I will come. I'll come talk to you off mics, but also on mics anytime.

Yes, do another. Is there anything else you wanted to bring up before we leave?

I think we've covered a lot I think I'm good. I do want to say I'm very happy for you and where you're at in life, Like I do want to say that, like you are just killing it and amazing and and I'm not just saying that because you're, you know, one of my best friends, but I mean, just over our friendship, the growth I have seen in you is just incredible. We sat here and talked about me this whole time, but you, like, I mean, it's just been amazing.

Now I'm gonna cry. This was you. You were my guests, we were talking about you. I do feel like I'm in a I feel like I am in a you know, where they say you have to shed old layers and old experiences to enter a new season.

Yeah.

I think this was almost a year of a lot of shedding. Yeah, and next year is about to be a crazy year. Yeah, is what it feels like, even though this year was crazy and I like it this year and it's wild, but.

It is absolutely crazy. But you survived and you did it, and I feel you've grown so much and have learned very hard lessons but you're still standing and you're doing amazing, and I just I it's like happy Morgan his here and back and like my beautiful, bright, positive friend and I just I love that.

Oh well, thank you. You've been a great friend to me for the entire time that I've known you. So I'm just glad that you're so happy and in a very happy phase of your life and you have gotten to see how amazing you are as you've grown.

Yeah, I definitely feel it, So I appreciate it, appreciate you and your friendship.

And our little love fast needs in because I'm Gona kryaka fine By. I hope you all enjoyed the girl chat this week with Hillary and myself was really fun getting to catch up with her. I really like having the girl chats on the microphone for you guys all to hear. If you want to follow her on Instagram at Hillary dot Borden b O r d in. With the holidays coming up, I still plan to put out some new podcast episodes, so make sure you subscribe so you don't miss them, because one of them might be