Self Care Session

I mean, it's a really tough time in the world, so we just wanted to get some advice and you know, just talk through some of our issues that we're going through. It's gonna be fun. Yeah. Hi, Allison, So thank you so much for being on the podcast today. Um, we're just so happy to have you here and kind of share some information and knowledge and yeah, thank you for being here. Well, I'm really I'm really honored to be able to join you and really happy to you're having

this conversation. It's such a meaningful one. So I'm really glad I can be part of it. Yeah. I think I think it's been really interesting. Um, just trying to navigate some anxiety and stress as a teenager, and I know that everyone around the world is going through something, whether it be on a you know, a huge level or even if it's minor, everyone is still valid for feeling what they're feeling. And I think it's been interesting

but really nice that we've had each other. So, um, is there any sort of advice, um, you could give about someone you know going through anxiety or depression or mental health in general? What would you kind of give

advice to about that? Yeah, I love the question and even just how you started it, because I think one of the things that we tend to think is what I'm going through isn't as bad as what somebody else is going through, or I don't deserve to feel this way, or I have all these things and this person doesn't have this, And I think the most important thing is that whatever you're feeling is real and it's valid, and

you have every right to feel how you're feeling. And this isn't a competition, right, So it's not like we eat one day, but we know somebody else eats more, so we shouldn't be hungry like right, We're taking care of our own body and our own mind. And so, uh, no matter what you're feeling right now, Um, if it was before COVID and it will be after COVID, or certainly when in the middle of this pandemic. It's real

and you have every right to feel that way. And I think the thing that UM, we can do best to take care of ourselves, to talk about it, UM, to know that you're not alone in it. And if it's like you know, a friend, if it's an adult in your life, it's somebody on social whatever it is. But just to UM, surround yourself with people who you

feel like you can open up to. And UM, you know, hopefully and ideally that somebody in your personal life and you have somebody in your family who was that support. But if not, you know, find your tribe somewhere else and know that you are cared for and people really do want to help and support you. And UM, you deserve to feel great, and you don't you deserve to get the support that that you need. Of course, that's amazing, that's amazing. Yeah, that was really good to hear. Honestly, UM.

I think for me, well, my sister and I both go through mental health issues and you know, we love to be there for one another, but sometimes it's a little hard to comfort one another because you don't really know exactly what the other one wants. UM, even with just friendships or anything. What do you think would be the best way to comfort someone in this situation? Do you have any tips on dealing with anxiety with another

friend or Yeah, it's a great question. And I think one of the things that is really hard is that we are often fraid that we're going to say the wrong thing, so we don't say anything at all, and UM, don't worry about that, right Like, It's part of what it means to be a friend is just to be

there even if you don't have the right words. At Active Minds, we have a tool called v a R Validate appreciate, and we developed v a R because we realize that sometimes we're in these everyday conversations with everyday struggles and we just want to know how how to act and how to react. And so the V is that stands for validate UM validate that somebody is UM

feeling the way they do right. Too often we say like, oh, but you don't, you shouldn't feel that way, or you don't have this, or you got this, No, just validate, like, yeah, I I get it and I and UM appreciate thank you for sharing with me. That must be really hard to be vulnerable like that, UM, and then there are is for refer to resources and support. You know, what can we do? How can I be here for you? How how can I support you? Do you want to call UM? You know the counselor can I walk you

over the counseling center? Do you want to go for a run or a walk? What what feels good and what feels right to you? UM? Oftentimes what it means in these situations is that we don't have to get to crises before we start UM intervening with someone. It's just about how how we a friend? And UM, if you sit back and you think, gosh, how would I want somebody to talk to me, that's probably how they want you to talk to them in that moment too.

And and know that when you're struggling, or when when if you see a friend or a family member struggling, it's really hard to both struggle and reach out for help. Sometimes you don't even know that you're struggling, and and oftentimes you know, and you feel really alone, and you really feel really isolated. So sometimes the best thing that we can do as a sister or as a friend is just just to say you're not acting like yourself, are you okay, like I'm worried about you? Do you

want to talk about something? And even if the answer is oh no, no, I'm just having a bad day and you truly believe it, you've at least opened the door to say like, I'm here for you and and maybe hopefully that opened something up for somebody who who is having a really hard time and does need to talk about it. But it's really hard to to make

that first have that first word. So sometimes the best thing that you can do is the friend is just kind of open up the conversation, recognize that you don't have all the answers, and you're not expected to have all the answers, but you can be there as a support and you can help connect your friend or your sister whomever to the support that they need, um, whatever

that might be. Right, Totally, that is such a huge thing, like kind of starting those conversations, even if they're a little bit uncomfortable, always usually result being a positive thing in the end. And that's something that we're definitely learning as we go. Um, it's tough, it's it's really tough communicating as well. It's it's especially when you for us being physical, you know, doing dance and whatever and expressing ourselves through that and then kind of like when we're

not doing that. It's it's been at least for me, I don't want to speak for Penzie, but it's been interesting kind of having to emote through my actual like voice and in being present there rather than Oh, I'm feeling sad, so I'm gonna go dance and I'll feel better,

you know. So um yeah, I was wondering if for people that maybe struggle and how to kind of let go of those feelings, like whether it be going on a run like you said, or driving and listening to music Like I'm I'm sure you have some some ways that are good to kind of like let go of all of that. Yeah, I mean you've touched on it, right, Like, so much of this is about finding our coping skills.

I think it's really important to know if you're if you're really having a severe struggle and if you're in a if you're in a depression or you're having a panic attack, a coping skill isn't gonna heal you. So you can't run out a panic attack or you can't

you know, run through a depression. So I want to make sure that's clear because um, oftentimes we um, we grow up like hearing the words of like, oh, you should have done this more, if you exercise more, if you went to church more, whatever it may be, you wouldn't feel this way. No what we're going through, what you're going through, or biological and social kind of constructs that are like part of you and part of your

health and well being. At the same time, there are things that you can do to take care of yourself, both to like help offset when it's kind of mild, or to help protect yourself so that you don't get to a point of really feeling that struggle. And whatever that is for you, if it's dance, if it's singing, if it is playing soccer, playing video games, whatever it is, that like you can do with balance and for everybody that's different, right, I think that the balance piece is

an important piece. You're not gonna you don't want to overdo it and then um, you know hide kind of in a in a different struggle but with with the other piece. But um, everybody has a different thing, and

let yourself do that thing. If you're feeling stressed, if you're feeling really down, even if you don't feel like doing the thing you know you love, do it because oftentimes that can help kind of get you into a place where you can think a little bit more rationally about Okay, what's going on right now and who do I need to talk to? But you said that, I mean talking is going to be a really important part

of this. But you but don't force yourself, like get to a place where you feel comfortable being able to identify your feelings and finding that person that you can

trust to talk to you about it totally. And it's so nice to know that, like everyone copes and deals with it in their own time, like just even trying not to compare, like, oh, well this person did this exercise or this whatever and they were able to come like overcome it within I don't know, a month, but it just may take you five months or you know. It's just like it's nice to know that there's no time limit and everything you're going through is on your

own time. And that's something that I'm trying to give myself a little bit of a break on just not to compare and stuff, just because it's tough and everyone's allowed to, you know, hell in their own time, of course,

of course, and I'm proud of you, thank you. I think what I wanted to touch on because you know, being in the public eye social media is UM very hard for us teenagers, especially um the body image issues, and we talked about this on one of our podcasts, but it's definitely a thing that we all compare ourselves to others. UM. So do you have any tips or advice on that issue? UM? I feel like everyone can relate to it, and I don't think it'll ever go away.

But I don't think it will at all. It's such it's I'm smiling because it's both such an important question and in some ways I want to turn it back to you and have you tell me. You know, I'm not a teenager right now, UM. And I also go through it as a forty something right like it doesn't UM, but as you said, like, it's never gonna go away. I you know, I have kids, I have young kids, and I have spent some time talking to my like ten year old, like really young, who is interested in

getting social media. UM. I had her scroll through my feed and I told her, I was like, well, like, look at all the stuff that I have on my feed. Did I post about the times that like I was yelling at you, or that your sister was having a tantrum, or that we took a picture and everybody looked like crapper,

our eyes were closed. No, what you see on my and you know everything about me as your mom, what you see on my feed is like all of the glitz and glamour, and everybody's smiling and everybody's happy, and so you need to know that that's what everybody's doing, right, And and it's easy to like see and understand and intellectually, but when all you're seeing on a feed is what

looks like perfection, it's really hard to remember it. And so my recommendation for everybody is to remember what you put on your feed to then remember how other people are censoring what they have on their feed to right, and then the easy solution is to say, like walk away, don't look at it. But but that's not necessarily reality, Like that's that's your life and and especially your lives, but it's for everybody who's on social like that's how

we're developing friendships and connections. As much as you can intellectually remember how censored your stuff is it can help you then braun that to realize that, like, that's really what you're looking at. UM, But it's hard. There is no one good solution, and it's something that we've been working through, UM for a long time. And I'm curious, like, but how would you answer that question? Yeah, that's such a good point. I mean, Instagram is just essentially a

highlight reel for everyone. UM. I don't know if you know this, Kenzie. I think maybe I told you, but I a few days ago deleted the Instagram app. Um I have. I still have the account, but I just really noticed myself going into a pattern of every time I'm going through an anxious moment, I'll have an anxiety

attack and it gets really really bad. And my first initial reaction is to, Okay, just track my mind, go on Instagram, start scrolling really really fast to kind of get your mind off of the anxious moment that you're going through. But then it ends up just making me extremely tense and even more anxious, just because now I'm not only dealing with what I'm going through, but I'm also now comparing myself and thinking, oh, their life looks

so good or whatever it may be. And so I kind of had a moment where I just quickly deleted the app. And I feel so much better in the morning knowing that I don't wake up and instantly go and just check what everyone else is doing. It's helped a lot, even just in a short amount of time, um, And I honestly suggest a lot of people to try and do that. I know Kenzie has done it a bunch,

and it's it's really beneficial. It really is. Yeah, I mean, I think it's very refreshing, um once in a while to just get rid of a lot of your social media apps because we all just need a second to be in the real world. I feel like I'm always just trapped in this bubble where everything is on my phone, and I feel like I just need some time away from my phone. I'm like, I don't need it anymore.

But yeah, I love that, I think. I mean, it's if you can do it, if you can, if you can take it off your phone, um and give yourself the break, and maybe it's a one day break one week, and then the next day you can you know, you can go to thirty six hours the next week or whatever it may, like, build it up for yourself, remind yourself that you can, um, you can live an awesome life off of your phone, and then you can reintroduce it as it makes sense, and you know, you don't

have to stop altogether. But sometimes it's that that reminder that, like, I have a great life off off of my phone too, and I actually don't miss out on all that much. I'm not if I'm not with my friends on phone or whatever it maybe so I love that. Yeah, And and how do you feel about now after you know, all of us being in the pandemic and the last two years being so crazy and I, I mean, I I've had this conversation with a lot of people. I'm interested in how you feel just like kind of the

social anxiety of going back to in person. I mean, now it's tricky, you know, with the variant and everything. But just like even in the situation of like, oh my gosh, I haven't really connected with this so many people in a long time, how do I have a conversation and not feel awkward? Like that has been kind of tricky even for me, which I don't know. No, it's it's I mean, it's real, like you're identifying something that we've really seen is this anxiety of coming back?

And and you know the big joke that introverts really have loved the past two years because we've had the ability to be at home and not have to be social. But um for both for people have been really happy where they are or those who really have have missed the social interaction. It's really hard to go to a coffee shop now and like remember how to talk to people and if somebody wants to come in and give you a hug, this like really awkward. Do I touch

you or not? Um And again, like going back to the very first question, live into it, like know that that's okay and what you're feeling is both okay and normal and um A, none of us have been through this before, but be like, this is not a you've never separated from people for years and then been expected to go back to like a normal life. So ease yourself back into it in whatever way it feels comfortable

to you. If you really don't feel comfortable going to that party or that gathering or whatnot, like give yourself permission to say no this time. Set a goal for yourself to go next time so that you don't find yourself in a cycle that you're not happy with, but but recognize that we can't go from zero to a hundred. That's going to be just as hard as it was going from a hundred to zero. And we all know how how miserable we were, you know, in late March of so um like it's it's a real feeling, and

it's okay feeling. It's a normal feeling. Um At Active Minds, we have these bracelets. Um they're green, yellow, and red bracelets, the silicon bracelets that we hand out. And the idea is if you're wearing a green bracelet, that means like uncomfortable, feel free to shake my hand or give me a hug if for doing that. Yellow is you know, like I'm out, but like let's let's let's just bump and red is I would love to interact with you, but let's keep our distance. I'm not I'm still not feeling

very comfortable. Like, if you need to do something like that, do it, like put it out on the sun your sleeve so that you don't have to, yeah, so that you can own it and know that it's okay. What a great idea. I wish the whole world had those bracelet. Um. That's such a great idea. I love that. Yeah, It's it's tricky because you you want to respect everyone's boundaries

and uh, you know, you don't want to overstep. And I think that's a really good way to even like going back to like even if we have to ask the uncomfortable questions like is it okay if I hug you? Even things as simple as that, it's important to do. Yeah. And I think also like kind of touching back on like if someone's going through an anxious moment something I remember, Um, I had we both at the time a therapist that we're not with anymore, but uh, Kenzie was really going

through it. Uh and I wasn't at the time. And something that she kind of helped me do with Kenzie was just to kind of squeeze her arm and kind of work down her arm to kind of calm her down. Um. And I was just wondering if like there's any sort of like other techniques that are comforting if someone doesn't feel open to talking, is there a way that they can comfort them kind of just even just being there. Yeah, Yeah,

it's a great question. I mean my first answer is going to be like ask the person when he or she is not in that moment. Hey, Like, I've noticed you get there, what feels right and what feels good? Because I think one of the important things is everybody is going to be different, right, Like everybody has different coping skills, and everybody also in the moment either wants

to be touched or not. Grounding is a really important part of being in panic um and and being in an anxiety and panic attack, and so helping ground either physically UM or if you're seeing in yourself to just like look around and notice points around yourself. Um. Those are gonna all be really important components of it. UM. But I think the thing that I would I would recommend um and you said it, Maddie, it's it's have

the uncomfortable conversations, but realize like they don't. The only reason they're uncomfortable is because nobody has taught us how to have them. They're actually like totally normal questions in the same way of like, hey, you have a broken foot,

what can I do to health feel? Right? Like? Hey, like when I when you're not you know, when you're not you or when you're having a panic attack, what's the most helpful thing that that shouldn't be an uncomfortable question and the more you ask it, the more normal it feels, right, and like that's mental health. But so far we have been raised to like not talk about anything until it gets to be really, really, really bad.

But if we can make these kind of questions and conversations in the moment, they don't have to be uncomfortable. So um, you know the arm grounding through an arm is really is really helpful and just being present. Some people really want to feel that weight, um, and others don't want to be touched at all. And I think that's why I would say ask, um, but ask when somebody is doing well and you have that kind of relationship where they feel comfortable that they can open up

to you. Wow, that's awesome. That's great advice. Well, thank you. UM. We are going to be having Allison on for episode two. We're doing a part two, so stay tuned. We're gonna be asking her way more questions. Thank you so much for being on. This was really important topic to talk about, so thank you. UM. But yeah, thanks such a pleasure. Thank you guys so much for having me on. Oh my gosh, we're so happy to have you. Thank you, thanks so much for taking twenty with us. If you

had fun, please give us my stars. You can follow us on Instagram at Take twenty podcast, email us at Take twenty at I heart radio dot com, or you can call us at eight four four for Take twenty. See you next time.