Ep 4: Throuple Tensions: When Swinging Stops Feeling Like Fun

Everybody done moving around and scrunching their microphones and, bitch, I will kill you.

I mean, can you hear when I do this? Yes. Seriously? Seriously. What the fuck? Statues. Apparently, don't move. Nothing. I told you. Don't move a muscle. Okay. I'm glad that we're all on the same page now. It's not a fun one. That's why I have a microphone stand. Well. So, your arms. Are you special? Need to stay locked. Pop, lock, and drop it? Yeah. For one hour? So I can drop it? No. On this dick? All right. I guess we should probably, like, play the intro music and all that

stuff and get this going, huh? Yeah, probably. Okay. Welcome to Swing Theory, where pleasure meets perspective. Join Pedro, Tink, and Tiffany, your favorite trio of temptation, as they dive deep into the swinging lifestyle. From wild stories to honest talk about connection, communication, and community, they've seen it all. And they're sharing what they've learned from over a decade of non-monogamous adventures.

So pour a drink, relax, and get ready to explore your own theory of pleasure right here on Swing Theory. And how's it going, everybody? I am Pedro, and this is episode number four of Swing Theory. I am sitting here with the beautiful Miss Tink and Miss Tiffany, and we got a show today because this is the real shit.

Yes, yes, it is. You know, like I know on the old show, you know, we had a lot of real conversations and stuff, and, you know, that doesn't just go away because it's a new show you know we're still in a real relationship and now there's three of us who are not only kinky but swingers so on our ride home our very long ride home from florida because yours truly decided to drive instead of taking the chance of our flight getting canceled which was

probably the smartest smartest move it was but when i drive i think, facts evident you know because that's what i do for a living you know i'm by myself 90 of the time so i just think about shit and it really didn't help that you guys were so quiet like the whole ride it was like unless i said something nobody talked and that drives me insane.

I'm not much of a talker like i really am the silent type and i was enjoying the scenery which sorry yeah but like Tiff is the silent type when she's alone with us when we're out and stuff then she wants to be like. Yes that is accurate so when we are alone and I'm just sitting there with my thoughts I'm like this is fucking boring I was recharging my social battery. I don't count towards that I mean Just overall, her body needed to just recharge.

I'm the most antisocial one here. Fair. And I wanted to talk to you guys. So it was very difficult, just mile after mile in silence. It was, but then we did. Yeah, because I brought shit up. That's fair.

You started the conversation. I did. And I started the conversation because I am feeling very defeated when it comes to the swing lifestyle.

You know as a male it's it's hard in general right but then when we came out as a throuple it feels like things got even harder yeah i'd agree because even for you guys you know with me involved you know we said we'd like to play together and you know all that and it's like interest just dropped off the face of the earth yeah i mean i think we kind of saw that drop when And we moved back from Alabama and we were all actually physically together and able to see each other every weekend.

And we did have those high hopes that we could play as a group together with other couples or a single that we liked or whatnot. And to kind of see a lot of what it seemed like people kind of took a step back from us was kind of like a shock, to be honest. Yeah.

I mean, and then internally in our own relationship, you know, when we would express interest in a couple or, you know, somebody, it's like, well, you know, two of us would be in, one of us wouldn't, you know, because like one wouldn't find somebody attractive or whatever. So it was like, we could never really come to a consensus of like, okay, this couple or this person is, you know, good to go. And when we did, it always felt like something weird or wonky would happen.

Like just no like no rhyme or reason you know something would go wrong with it so it would get really frustrating when we're trying to put things together we get our hopes up and then nothing would happen you know and then tiff and i had you know a conversation that you know she wanted me to start playing solo again right and you know we've had our battles with that and you know a big issue for you which is a hundred percent valid is we do not live

together yet yeah like that was that was the biggest you know frustration on my end or realization is going through this you know it's it's one of those things where i don't get much time with the two of you you know we're only together we'll say 48 hours in reality a week if we're lucky yes Exactly.

So to either A, have you go out and play solo during that time or play during the week where we can't do that reconnection is a mental struggle for me because then I'm giving up my time with you so you can go play with someone else. And, or, you know, one of my other biggest things was with the reconnecting. Like I haven't had the experience of that in the lifestyle because Because I have been, you know, doing it as a unicorn for so long.

So when I think from that aspect, like, it's frustrating to me because I want to experience that and then knowing like, you have to wait, I have to wait. And it's also that like you two are together during the week. So it's still one of those things because of one of the things that I also struggle with is feeling like the third.

So that's just one of one more thing that makes me feel that way yeah and i mean it's 100 valid and i told you that from the beginning you know like you were really upset with yourself. Because you feel like you're putting me in a box you know which like in a way you are but it's an understandable box right it's not something unreasonable and i think anybody would agree like that's not unreasonable you know we live.

An hour and a half apart we only see each other for 48 hours or less so and it's still a you know quote-unquote new relationship right you know we're coming up on a year next month which is crazy so you know and that's something i tried to convey to you when we were having these discussions you know like tink and i we moved into the solo play like five five six years into our lifestyle journey right yeah so well i think like on my end when you first came to me i i did get my hopes up

and i was excited because you know i was thinking that because you were a unicorn you know for three three and a half years that you kind of had i guess more of a mental handle on things in the lifestyle than say tink did when she first started because she was totally new well i was like that roller coaster that i had to go through and just kind of like experience things to be able to go okay this is how like my brain can function throughout it and this makes sense

now right so you know selfishly i just assumed like you're you're good to go right because you've been in the lifestyle for three and a half years and i also thought i would be too right you know because you were very confident about that like when we first talked yep so i got my hopes up and you know. Very quickly, you know, I found a potential play partner, which was crazy, you know, because, you know, I'd been struggling. And then all of a sudden it was like, bam, we had that talk.

And literally like it was the same week or the week after. I think it was even a couple of days after. Yeah. That I had a potential, you know, play partner. And that's when, you know, your brain went into overdrive. Right. And like, I knew right away something was wrong. I had to force you to tell me. Yeah, because again, it's that guilt. It's that guilt of feeling like, you know, I expressed how excited I was about it.

And then, and I know that, you know, you and Tink had had struggles in the past. So it's me putting you through that exact same thing again. Right.

But again, I tried to reassure you over and over again that, you know, while yes, the initial shock of it, you know, of, oh, shit, this is not what we just talked about a couple of days ago, you know, kind of threw me off. But when you explained yourself, you know, I wholeheartedly agreed with you. You know i didn't try to fight you on it i didn't argue about it you know it was just yeah you're absolutely right you know we don't get that time together so i can see where you're coming from.

And then we agreed you know that we were still going to work on me playing solo right but it was going to be like at events and stuff you know which we tried at the hotel takeover yeah and again we talked about that, Tink did a really great job trying to set some things up and, you know, we hashed that out already. Yeah. But like, I just want to reiterate in that environment, you were totally fine.

Absolutely. I mean, Tink and I snuggled up in bed and passed out and we were like, you were doing your thing. Right. And you even told me like, you know, before you sent me out, you're like, I have no worries whatsoever. Like, I'm totally good with this. Yep. And I believed you. Like you. Because it was genuine. Like it was really genuine. And like, you know, I wanted you to go out and have a good time and do whatever you wanted.

And, you know, we sort of had that small discussion of, okay, well, if this, you know, we talked about this play, we talked about that play, but what if something else comes up? Go for it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You even said like, if it's something totally different, like I'm still good. Right. Yeah. Tell me in the morning. Yep. And I was like, okay. You know, unfortunately nothing happened, but it was just nice that, you know, we had that moment of like clarity.

Right. And I feel like it's also reassuring that, you know, it's not a complete mental block. Like it's not something that's never going to be on the table for you to just do whatever whenever. Right. But it's just right now, given the circumstance, you know, it makes it very hard to think about when you're not here with me 24-7. Right.

And, you know, that was one of the other things that we had talked about in that conversation, too, was, you know, the hot wife scenario where even if like we were OK with if we would set something up, if Tink and I would set something up for you and we had to give up a Saturday night like that is different for me mentally as well, because we're involved in that process.

And that's something that if we would, you know, talk to the female, set it up, give you a bag, send you out the door and wait for you to come home. Like that was something else that I have no reservations or anything about. Right. And I mean, like, obviously, like you said, you're involved, directly involved. You're setting it up, you know, so you're turning yourself on during the whole process. Right.

Where, you know, if I just say, go find a play partner and I'm like, hey, I'm going to go play on Tuesday night.

Now you're gonna be at home by yourself right and just overthinking everything in your head you know going well shit you know he's gonna get to go home to tank they're gonna fuck i have to wait till friday right and also it's things like that then where we're just gonna air it all out like we've talked about that too like if you're willing to make that drive for a play partner like why can't you do that for me on a tuesday night right

And I mean, the logical answer is I'm not driving an hour and a half to go play. And again, we hashed through that, but that's just where the overthinking brain goes to. You know, we've talked about even, you know, meeting halfway for dinner or something like that. So we could do like a date night or whatnot, but life is life in. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah. And our schedules never work out. Three boys, you know, we have one daughter, all play sports.

And you never know what time you're going to get home. Right. and my truck driver. I could get home at 1 o'clock in the afternoon tomorrow and get home at 8, 9 o'clock on Tuesday night. Right. So, you know, that has made it very... Logistically, it's just not feasible. Right. And we've been doing our best to, you know, just work through that and try to make every weekend the best we can. But we also have a plan in place that, you know, hopefully by next summer, we will be living together.

Right. Which will make things much, much easier.

And I'm sure there's still going to be a lot of, you know, those tough conversations and talking through things. And there's still going to be some feelings here and there, but it's going to be a completely different ballgame when we are all coming home to each other every day. Right. You know, and that's where I feel like, you know, you will benefit the most. Yeah. And having that like, okay, you're here to annoy me 24-7 now. Right.

It's that go annoy somebody else. And I don't care if it's with your penis. Yes, absolutely. It'll make it so much easier. And I mean, so during this long car ride home, you know, the conversation got, I'm not going to say heated, but it was definitely like you were getting frustrated. Yeah, I was. Tink was getting frustrated.

I was frustrated you know because it's like I try to give my view on things and you know like yes you guys say you can understand you're like you can see where I'm coming from but then in like the very next breath you know you guys will say something that doesn't jive with you understanding what I'm saying yeah we haven't lived it right and like the difference is is you're living it as the guy with two women. And obviously, with having two women, we get a lot of attention.

And it's the focus, and we went over this with the lifestyle in general, it is solely focused on women. And for any male, it is really hard to find a place that you can find your groove and And find the people that you're wanting to play with, because half the time they're out there just looking for females.

Okay, I'm glad you brought that up, because one of the things, you know, I brought up is, like, I was ready to just take a backseat and be like the supportive husband, you know, and let you two just kind of have your fun. And you guys didn't really agree with that, but I tried to explain to you. I'm like, you know, there's hardly any women that we've seen in the lifestyle

that actually want to fuck guys. Yeah, it was definitely... A hard thing to even imagine for you to sit there and take a backseat. Because, I mean, for me and you, we've been doing this for 10 years. That wasn't really something that, like, maybe in the beginning it looked like that, but it was more of you trying to encourage me to kind of get my feet in there and figure out, you know, what I was comfortable with doing, what I wanted to start doing.

But over the years, like, we've found what worked at the time for just, like, a couple. And for you to kind of like take yourself out of the game was something that Tiff and I were like, yeah, no, that's not how that's going to work. Right. Like, what are we supposed to do then? Well, I mean, my thought was, you know, each individual here is in a individual relationship with somebody else. Right.

And knowing you two could get a lot of attention as a couple, I figured, you know what, if they're the ones who are going to get the attention anyway, let them just navigate the lifestyle as a couple, you know, because that's what makes sense at this point. And we did go down the rabbit holes.

Like, the one thing that I appreciate about you two is even when we're talking about this, whether we're frustrated or not, you know, we are able to say, okay, if we do this, and it's not like, we're literally talking scenarios, like, if we would do this, what do we see happening? Like, what are some of the challenges we think we're going to face? You know, what are the positives about it? So it's not like, hey, this is what we're going to do.

It's a, if we do this, let's explore that, go down that rabbit hole, talk through everything. And then it's like, yeah, you're right, that's probably not the best way to go about it or like maybe that is what we should try.

Right, because, you know, like you guys were worried about like my mental well-being if you guys were to do your thing as a couple and I was very honest with you both, you know, I said, yeah, it's gonna fucking suck for me, you know, but I feel like out of the three of us, I'm the best suited to carry that burden, you know, without... Taking it out on you too and being an asshole. And, you know. Like I would just struggle internally with that.

And I think our, or at least for me, and I think you're kind of on the same page with it as well, Tiff, that with that internal struggle, it's a matter of how long can you go with that internal struggle before it really starts to become evident and starts showing that it's kind of breaking you down. Right. And then we're going to feel super guilty that, you know, we even decided to try that route.

Right. But in my experience, I mean, I kind of have been in that role since day one, you know, because like you said, like in the beginning, I was letting you do your thing, you know, as you felt comfortable, I was encouraging you just, you know, to go have fun, do what you want. And it wasn't until year five or six, where I really started to branch out and play on my own. You know, and like, we've talked about this with each other,

where, you know, I've only played with a handful of people in almost 11 years. Right. You know, and while yes, Tink has only played with a handful of men, like full swap wise, but she's had, you know, way more bisexual experiences. Yeah. and soft swap experiences than I have in my entire life let alone the lifestyle and that's just with her in the lifestyle and then you know with you Tim like. And this is not a dig at all, but you were an active unicorn.

Yeah, I and that's where like I wouldn't I won't understand, you know, the struggles that you face because we've we've talked about it a lot where being a unicorn, there's not much effort that you have to put into it at all, honestly.

And you know you do have your choice you know you show up to an event and because the lifestyle has is primarily female focused you know you're a semi-attractive unicorn and everybody wants you like you don't have to worry about going into any scenario and not playing it's your choice if you don't play right you know and like i think you might have gotten in your feels a little bit when we talked about this before Hedo when it came to like your experiences at Hedo you know

and it wasn't to make you feel bad but it's the truth that first year you went to Hedo you literally played with over three quarters of the amount of people in one week than I have in 11 years right so that's where it makes me feel like well you know I'm already living the life of the of the supportive husband. So why keep putting effort into trying to play for myself and getting rejected all the time?

Or, you know, there's scenarios out of my control that prevent me from playing when I can just step back and just let you guys have fun because that's the way the universe works anyway. It does. But and I know for me, and again, I like you said, I think you're on the same page, Tank, where. We've talked about this so many times, and it strictly came down to, but when is it your turn, Pedro, to finally do that?

Yeah, like when is it that you can actually live in the lifestyle to the way that you've imagined it all these years? I mean, honestly, you know, and I've told you guys this, I feel like I'm about 15 years past my prime to be able to do that. Yeah. And I understand why you feel that way, because, you know, especially now we have a lot of younger lifestyles, the COVID swingers, all of that. And it does seem like right now it's a little bit more of that younger crowd,

like late 20s, early 30s right now. And I just turned 42, you know, like I'm starting to get the salt and pepper beard. And, you know, like I know, yes, some younger ladies like that. But, you know, that was back when ladies actually wanted to fuck men. But it's now it's just women and couples looking for women. And that was something that we also talked about, too, is, yes, we know that the lifestyle was always geared towards women and it was basically run by women.

But when did that switch happen where it was really just couples searching for other women? I believe it was during COVID when some of these big name influencers came in and basically, you know, used the lifestyle to promote their OnlyFans and all that shit. And it was a more female to female experience.

Because most of OnlyFans, women, were just playing with other women. They were not branching out fucking other dudes. Probably because their men were like, yeah, no, you're not going to be doing that unless I'm going to be a part of it. And then if they're going to be a part of it, it's just a threesome. Right. You know, most COVID swingers that we've ran into are super insecure. Like the guys are just super insecure, won't let their ladies play with other men.

Right. And then the ladies sit there and say, no, I don't want to.

But yet they'll flirt super hard with men. but when it comes time to play they disappear so you know which we've also experienced yeah yeah it's not hard to see through the bullshit and i'm not afraid to call these people out like you don't like what i'm saying go fuck yourself because i mean it's the only people you're fucking anyway that's probably pretty much true so as an actual swinger i just feel like the lifestyle isn't there for me anymore you know like yes

there's the little pockets that i can hit but like mainstream you know why am i putting my effort into trying to get to know people when they don't want that like, There's a couple different types of women right now. There's the, I only play with girls. There's the, I only play with black guys. And then there's the, you know, I just look for the pretty boys, you know, the meatheads. And that's it. And we've seen it on the pages. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. You can pretty much call it like as soon as you see someone new and then you just watch their interactions of who they're really actually putting the effort into talking to.

Versus you know say for you and you're just like they're looking for the exact same thing that you're looking for but yet say that black guy or the pretty boy they're all over their shit and you're like gotcha we know your number now well yeah and they're the same women that are like i love dad bods of course you know but yet they don't interact with dad bods but the second you know a guy with you know a little bit of muscle shows up on the pages you know he's got 60 comments

of these thirsty women right yeah that won't comment a single thing on anybody else's shit.

But yet on you know say a thread where people are like oh you know dad bod appreciation they're like oh my god i love dad bods but won't comment on a single guy's fucking you know picture or anything unless it's one of the ripped guys which is not a dad bod no right you know it's like it's just super frustrating as a man in the lifestyle because when we first started it was more of you know people thought you were attractive and they wanted to fuck,

Now, it's you have to hit very specific boxes to even get attention. Yeah, it's definitely changed a lot. I mean, like we've even talked about how picky I am. And now like that, I've opened up a lot more and I'm not like, OK, well, have this box be checked or that box be checked, because we've gone over the fact that when you do that, you really limit your experiences and the people that you can actually make connections with.

And you know going into that now where you're like okay I'm not gonna do that I'm going to be more like everybody else from years ago when we first started it makes more sense it flows a lot better yeah and that was one of my biggest you know discussions with you back when we first started yeah because you were so picky yeah I mean and it wasn't bad discussions I know but there were some times where you were definitely frustrated with me because you you're like

can we get you to where you are 10 years later yeah because you know like you had very specific boxes that had to be checked but yet like before swinging you'd be all over the place with who you found attractive and who you would flirt with and date and all this stuff but then we got in the lifestyle and it's like you know you just had this strict criteria yeah and i'm like you can't do it that way you're never going to meet anybody that checks all those boxes yeah you know and for you.

It wasn't the pretty boy or the muscle head or the black guy, you know, but it was just other very specific things. Yeah. That. Put myself in my own box. Right. You put yourself in a box. And the whole time I'm encouraging you to get out of that box and just enjoy yourself. Yeah. And you were like, no, no, no. Has to be like this. But now that, you know, like, and being with Tiff has definitely helped you with that. It has.

You know, because Tiff is very much a just, you're attractive enough that I'm talking to you. And we're having a good time talking, I could fuck you. Yeah.

Yeah, and that's definitely helped my brain kind of, wrap around like how it's supposed to be that easy you're not supposed to be overthinking it, right there's nothing to overthink like yeah yeah literally i'm not going home with them at the end of the night it's literally like a hey we're here for a few hours we're vibing you're cute let's fuck and i think a lot of that problem that i had for the for you know many years was that you know

wanting that connection with people and we've gone over this many times like you you can have a connection yes but it's to a certain extent it's not like the connection of like oh this is going to be a relationship kind of thing and that's not what i was going after either but i'm just no but you were kind of equating yes fucking somebody with would i date them right right so that was definitely putting me still back in the box even though i was trying to stay out of it yeah and i mean like i

love that connection like for myself you know and just because of the opportunities I've had, most of the women I have played with, I would date just because it's taken so long to make those connections to get the play. I'm not the type of person that gets the opportunity to meet somebody and they're like, hey, let's go play. It just doesn't happen to me. Even if I'm expressing interest in that, which we had in Florida.

I was flirting with the women and you know like the one even said she plays alone but there was no like hey it would be fun you know if we snuck away or you know there was none of that so I just feel like I'm like I'm not that guy like I'm not the guy that women are like oh I want to fuck him not until they get to know me you know and I feel like I have husband energy but not like I want to fuck you energy I can definitely say you have the husband

energy as we have now two ladies sitting next to you. Right, but it's frustrating being in a lifestyle like that. It is, because they're not looking at it that way. They're not like me. Yeah, and, you know, that's where... Even with me making fun of myself for how big my dick is and stuff like that. Yeah, I know I have a decent dick. It's not small. It's not huge. But again, it makes me feel like the husband because I have the quote unquote perfect dick.

It's not too big. It's not too small. It'll get you off every time. But when a woman who's actually looking to fuck in the lifestyle goes out, she's not looking for what her husband has.

You know yeah she's looking for the i want to fuck that dick not that guy yeah and i don't have that kind of dick you know and i know a lot of women will say that's not what happens bullshit i've fucking seen it for 11 years you know there could be four equally attractive guys and the biggest dick always wins yeah that's what happened all the time when you would be flirting with one of the women and come time to actually like split off go to find rooms and stuff they would disappear and you'd be

like what and you know damn well what they found right, And that was years and years of that, you know, and like even today on the Facebook pages or in the discords or telegram or anything like that, like you can just watch it. Women will be flirting with an attractive guy, you know, like a bunch of women just flirting with this guy. Some other guy can come in to the chat, not be as attractive, not be as charming, but he got a big old dick. And guess what? Everyone's like, DM me, DM me, DM me.

Which is so unfortunate yeah and you do you absolutely see that and it's even the other way around too where you know they see a pretty girl and they walk in and just be like hey hit me up dm me yeah that's how you're gonna start your conversation and they do that's the problem they do right and and i'm sure that girl does exactly that she goes oh yes sign me up yep and And I'm like, can we have a little bit more conversing? Just a little.

Well, no, because the women who are actually out to fuck have a very specific thing they're looking for. They're not out for an actual good experience. They just want to say, oh, I fucked a big dick because my man is average or slightly above average. That's all they care about anymore. It's crazy. We're lucky enough to have friends that are still old school and look for actual good experiences. Right. Yeah. You know, but we also know a lot of people that could care less about the experience.

It's about conquering something. Yeah. And that's why I don't feel like I fit in anymore because I don't offer any of that.

You know, I'm not ripped. I'm not hung. I'm not a pretty boy. Like, and I'm not in my late 20s. So it makes me feel like, where do I fit in? Yeah. And again, like these were all the things that we talked about on the way home and trying to figure out where do we go from here? Yeah. And so when we got home, you know, we did kind of come to a conclusion that you two were going to try things as a couple and I was going to still try and do things as a solo at events and stuff.

And what's funny is the very next day there was a game. Yes. On Facebook page. Yes. Tiff was so helpful to have done that because I was busy at work and she put up a post for it. Right. So it was basically like one of those, like, would you, you know. Right. The couple additions, would you play? Yeah. So you put one up with just you and Tink, didn't involve me at all, had over 60 comments. Yeah, there's a lot. You know, and everyone was like, duh, like who wouldn't want to play with you two?

I put one up just for me as a solo male. And, you know, like I got responses, but a lot of them were people I've been talking to for years.

Right yeah and you know there's some people that i may not be attracted to you know which you're gonna have that regardless but like i think i got you know maybe 13 or 14 responses i think it was more than that no because i was commenting on some of them okay but out of those 13 or 14 at least five of them were people i've already been talking to for years right so you're Like, I was already aware. Right. And some of those, you know, five, I don't know if it would ever even happen.

Right, because like all the stars would have to align for it to work. And we know how that works because when we thought we had all those stars aligned, it was a crapshoot. Exactly. So, you know, and I know there's going to be other guys out there that are like, I don't get anything when I post those. And I understand that, but I've also been putting myself out there for 11 years. Yeah, you're not afraid to, especially in the Facebook groups, because again, we don't get out often.

You're not afraid to comment on other women's posts. You know, you let them know that you're interested. Yeah. And I mean, just like, I hate to say it like this, but I have a reputation in the lifestyle.

Like if you say, hey, do you know Pedro? There's a good chance somebody is going to say, yeah, I know him or yeah, I've heard of him. Right. So these other guys that complain about not getting any attention, they're the same guys that'll post once every six months and then cry that nobody talks to them. Right.

So, like, you're not really in the same field as them because of the difference of you actually are trying, you're putting yourself out there, getting people to actually notice, like, you play and you were going about trying to be playing solo and still was not really any bigger pool. No. I mean, my pool has basically stayed the same for 11 years. You know, and part of that is because you and I did not play with couples.

Yeah. So that, you know, knocked me down to a very small amount of people because not many people play solo. Right. Yeah. I mean, you have your single females, but again, and not many couples want to play with a single male. Yeah. That's definitely a lot smaller of a pool by putting yourself there. Right. So, you know, it's just been very difficult and I definitely try not to be that negative guy, you know, that complains and all that.

But like, I am getting to the point, it's been 11 years almost. And, you know, my opportunities are dwindling, not growing. So I am getting to that point of like, why do I do this? You know, I have two beautiful women here at home. The play isn't the objective. It's that feeling of being wanted and knowing like, yeah, I can still go out and have fun. And, you know, people want me for that reason. But if people don't want me for that reason, why continue in that space?

We also, with that, a lot of the conversation was, you know, then do we stay in the lifestyle? Do we put it on the back burner? Do, you know, again, how do we move forward? because, you know, coming out of that conversation, it was Tink and I trying to play together as a couple and then you doing solo. But even in that conversation, we toyed with, do we just take a step back, only go to parties because we love the atmosphere? And that's where Tink and I thrive because we love just...

Dancing, drinking, having a good time, hanging out with people. That's our fun in the lifestyle. Yeah. Just being able to let loose and be ourselves where, like, granted, and I'm sure people will be like, well, you can do that at a club. No, you fucking can't because you can't strip fucking naked. You can't sit there and wear the lingerie to those clubs. The vanilla clubs. Yes, the vanilla clubs. Thank you for specifying that.

So even if we weren't to say have any play happen between me and you as a couple. We are still benefiting being in that atmosphere because we are kinky fuckers and we are still doing this as a throuple.

We still you know are wanting to have that opportunity to play all together but me and you on the party stance we can't get that anywhere else but going to the events whether it be you know a hotel takeover or even like a house party yep or lifestyle club like those are lifestyle clubs you know we were supposed to go to tj's this weekend which would have been great and again like that's where we can have that good time you know we can drain our social battery yeah and for a few hours we can

still you know be dancing and obviously dancing but we can be flirting with everybody and that to me is really fun just because that's like my jam yeah same and i understand that but like for me i'm not the party person right you're not like if i'm not going to play i don't want to go yeah and that was the base of the conversation then like if we decided that you know if all of us wanted to take that step back but why pay all that money because being in the lifestyle is expensive.

Very expensive. So why pay all that money for your yearly memberships, your party fees, or, you know, right, travel, hotel takeovers, getting a hotel if you're going to a club or a house party or something like that. Why put all that money out just to drink, dance. And that literally, that's a drink and dance. Yeah. And have conversations that you can have on Facebook. Right. Like, to me, it's not worth it. Yep. But I understand it is to you guys.

And that's why earlier in those conversations, I told you guys, I'm like, you guys can just go. Like, I'll stay home with the kids and you guys can go have fun because it does nothing for me. If there's no chance of me playing, I don't want to go.

And that was hard for us because we want you there. yeah because like again we still want to go about this together as the throuple so if you're not there we're all already going to be like hey we're missing somebody yeah missing someone and some something you know right but from my point of view i'm just there like you know because in those environments you guys are social butterflies so i'm going to be sitting at a table by myself until somebody comes up and says, oh, hey, what's up, Pedro?

You know, and, you know, you guys will check in, you know, every so often. But until we leave, I'm basically going to be by myself. So why am I going? Right. Yeah. And again, like we explored all of that, you know, talking about the good parts, the bad parts. Like if, you know, you do play the supportive role and Tink and I go out and have that fun, like who benefits from what?

You know, obviously we're going to have the fun. And then we, you know, drill down into the, you know, Tink and I talked about, okay, with us doing this, how do we go about it? What are we looking for? What's our boundaries? And different things like that. So we hashed all that out. I mean, we talked about a lot of it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I mean, I was ready to do whatever you guys wanted to do, you know, because that's just how beat down I feel from the lifestyle.

Like, it's not even worth the fight anymore. Which is so, it's hard to hear that because like, it is a lifestyle that you love so much. So to hear that it has beaten you down, it's like, what can we do to fix it?

Yeah and and we had that conversation you know and like tiff has said since we've gotten together well almost because at first it was she was still gonna be at first i was very adamant i'm still gonna be a unicorn i'm still gonna play solo like i still want to have that yeah i was very adamant about that and then on her own she just said i don't want to play anymore i found my people yeah like there was no coercion from me or us nope because hell a month

or two months after we started dating you went to a hotel takeover i did i went to a hotel takeover i played you know it was it was fun like because you guys were still in alabama and i had had that hotel takeover booked for a while and again we talked about that we you know approached the weekend based off of our comfortability and with me being there as a solo female and then you guys again being miles and miles away so we did yeah.

And we didn't try to stop you from playing. No, no. The only thing we asked was for communication. Yep. And that was our only issue in that weekend. Yes. You know, it's not that you played. It's just the way the communication was. Yeah. And it's hard because, again, that is, you know, Tink and I's bread and butter. When we do get in those situations, we are social butterflies. So it's hard to balance that.

And, again, that's also part of the, you know, I think a little bit of hesitation of you not being there when if we would go out is we are those social butterflies.

Flies so there's not going to be much communication from us which i know you would expect but it's still that struggle and that frustration of you sitting at home saying i'm wondering what the fuck's happening like what are they doing when are they going to be home and we're just ghost i mean i don't really feel like i would i don't think you would be that crazy about it like i agreed i don't think you would be that crazy about it because i know what would be happening With two,

you know, basically two unicorns. Right. At a club or an event or whatever. I know what's happening. Like, and it's more of a matter of just like waiting for that text. Like, okay, we're on our way home. Right. Or can you come get us? Yeah.

So we partied a little too hard tonight yeah and i mean like i was prepared to do that but we didn't want that and i know you didn't want that you know because like you had said for a long time now like yes play is fun you know it's not like you don't want to play quote-unquote want to it's just you don't need that to be happy no and yeah there's not like a driving force behind it where like some people are like i

have to have this and for me it's one of those things like because I am so black and white. If we're in the lifestyle, like you should be playing, you know, and like I'm the opposite of most guys, I guess these days where I'm saying if we're going to be in the lifestyle, like you guys need to play. Like somebody's got to play or why are we in the lifestyle? Right. And, you know, for you, that frustrates you. It does. It really does.

And, you know, after coming out of our conversation and then playing that game and I think it was the day after the game. I think so.

Yeah. So the day after the game, like I was very frustrated and just with the whole scenario about just where we were at because I know that I don't want you to continue to struggle in the lifestyle and I know that for me again that, play is not a need for me so I want to be the supportive partner I want to be the one that lets you have your moment and it has nothing to do with like I wasn't nervous about Tink and I going out at all.

Like it has nothing to do with, you know, her and I presenting as a couple because that would be a blast. We would have such an amazing time doing that. We really would. We definitely would. But it's more of, I want to put you first. I want to put you in the forefront because we've had those experiences and it's about time that your wants in the lifestyle are put first.

And I appreciate that, you know, but like I told you both, if, if that's going to be the case, like I need enthusiastic support, not the passive support that I've been getting, you know, for almost 11 years, because the play isn't the important part for me. You know, if you guys aren't excited for me, like if it's not doing anything for us as a throuple or a couple or whatever, then it's not doing anything for me. So that was like my big caveat to this whole thing.

If I can't experience the same enthusiastic support I've been giving to the two of you this whole time, then I don't want to do it, you know, because I've been nothing but supportive to the two of you. You have. You know, I've never once said, you can't do that. I don't want you to do that. You know, the only time with Tiff was right in the very beginning with a previous play partner that you wanted to play solo with. Yeah.

And I said, I didn't tell you you couldn't. I just said I was not comfortable with it. Yep. That was all I said. I said, I'm leaving it up to you. Like, I'm not going to break up with you if you do, but I'm not comfortable with it. Right. That was the only time in this past year. Yep. Agreed. So, and for Tink, I've never told her no, except I gave her the same caution about when she wanted to date a guy in Alabama. Yeah. You know, didn't tell her no. I just said, I don't think that's a good

idea. I mean, he was right. He was totally right. I was... Shocker. I had like the little blindfolds on like, no, it's fine. No, no. Being dumb, it's not fine. Right. So, I mean, I'm always going to put my logical sense in, but I'm not going to ever stop either of you from doing what you want to do because I'm not a dictator here. Even though I may be your dominant and Tink's master, when it comes to the lifestyle, that stuff doesn't exist. Right.

You know, you are your own women in this. We have autonomy to do what we want. And it's about time you have the same. So I guess to wrap this up, where we left off was you and Tank decided that you want to kind of step back. Yeah. To be that supportive partner. And I made it very clear that I do not want you guys to stop all play and stuff like that, because that would not make me happy. Right.

And we'll still be our happy-go-lucky selves. We're, you know, if we if you see us out, we're still going to be our flirty, happy, you know, dancing fools. Right. And if something, you know, does come about, obviously, with the ladies or, you know, if there's a guy that we're interested in and, you know, soft swap is on the table or something like that. Like, that's just, we're not saying no, we may not do it as often or often, we'll probably be a little bit more selective.

And we're definitely not writing off the connections we've already made with people and the previous connections from, you know, years ago that we're still in contact with. The people that, you know, we know that want to play with all of us are definitely still 100% go. Hell yeah. Absolutely. We're just talking more of going forward with new connections. And that more spontaneous at an event, you know, sort of thing.

If we continue to go out and we do make another connection, it's not off the table at some point for play to happen. It's just not something that we are prioritizing. Yeah, we're not chasing it to have it happen. And I even made it very clear to the two of you, like when we're out at a club or hotel takeover. Like I want to see you guys flirting.

Like I want to see that spontaneous like blowjob in the hallway or you know like in the middle of the club like I want to see that that's hot to me the only thing that you know I'm gonna compromise with you guys on is if you decide not to full swap after that then it is what it is like I'm not gonna you know say oh you guys should have done that or oh you know thank you guys so much for not doing that like that's your decision right right you're

leaving that up to us as far as like you know how much of that connection are we having and like you know how much fun are we having you know do we want to pursue it further right so i mean it's basically the same thing that we talked about last week like when we had the first discussion about it the only difference is you guys aren't going to be chasing those connections yeah is basically what you told me yes exactly yeah we are going to be your

cheerleaders very enthusiastic cheerleaders and i greatly appreciate that because, like I said, I have to have that. Yes. Yeah. So, I mean, I feel like we're in a good spot with that. Everybody's on the same page now. Yes. It took, you know, a 17-hour drive and then a week later. Well, I mean, that's what it takes, you know, open communication. Everyone has to say exactly how they feel. Right. And I think that that's also, you know, just goes to show, one, we are real people.

Like, we're real people going through this. You know, it's part of our throuple struggles. We, you know, you guys have been together for, what, almost 12 years now.

And you've gone through all of this now you bring someone else new in and you're hashing some of the same stuff out again but that's the beauty of the lifestyle because you can have that conversation and walk away but then also still feel comfortable saying hey i know we talked about this yesterday a day ago or two days ago last week but can we revisit because i have i've thought of some other concerns or have thought of some other things. Yeah.

And like we had kind of come to the conclusion on when we are having these discussions, different things pop up. So even though like you feel like, okay, we've already talked about this, which yes, we have, but there is something else that got added or, you know, Pedro brought something else up that we didn't think about. And then we're just like, oh, I didn't think about that.

Or, you know, most of the time, I'm usually like listening to the two of you and I'm like okay and I'm just going through the process of like hearing what both sides are saying and I may not come up with anything because I see or I hear what both of you are bringing up and I go yep I'm agreeing with both of those things because you know I didn't think about it and Tiff brought it up or Pedro brought it up and I'm like yep I remember he talked about that you know a while ago but

we haven't really touched back on that yeah and for me you know like like i'm happy with what we've come to the conclusion of. My biggest thing, though, is I don't ever want you to or anyone else looking in to see me as like a gatekeeper. Yeah, absolutely. You're not like because why we have these conversations, the deep conversations, because it is very much. And I'll admit it, like I was the reason we brought it up again. It wasn't you. It was me saying doing that exact thing of, hey, I can't.

We need to revisit this because I'm not completely settled in this. Right. You know, and that is one of the things that, you know, not upset me. Like, I wasn't upset. It was just one of those like, I'm not about to allow either of you to make me look bad.

Yeah, absolutely. as far as you know you say you don't want to play you know that's what you told me you don't want to play you want me to play but for me i've had that stigma in the past where people thought i was gatekeeping tank yeah you know that she didn't want to play with men because i wasn't letting her and that was never the case i was always encouraging her yeah it was me who was being like the stump on the log i'm like no don't don't really want to right because again like we talked

to or we talked about earlier, you were picky. Very. Right. And I didn't want to go through that again. You know, I didn't want people talking behind my back going, oh, they can't play because, Pedro's, you know, insecure and he's, you know, this or that when I'm literally telling you guys to go play. Well, and I think that there's also that little bit of added... Bit with me because I was a active solo female in the lifestyle for so long.

So to go from being very active and out all the time to then being like, nope, not playing at all, that's really going to encourage people to feel that way about you. So wholeheartedly, 100% my decision. Like I said earlier, I found my people. I do not have that desire to go out and play and be active in the lifestyle. It's fun. It's a fun environment. I am a very social butterfly when I'm out.

And I do love the atmosphere, you know, of being half naked or naked, dancing, drinking, doing all of those things.

But my world's changed. Yeah. And I'm just glad that you compromised with me, you know, to at least still do those, you know, soft swap, you know, scenarios and, you know not take play completely off the table right because like I made it very clear to both of you that you know once I see you guys are comfortable in the roles you've chosen there's definitely going to be times where you guys are you know flirting it up with somebody or

a couple or whatever and I'm just going to tell you guys like.

Have fun like go yeah because the vibe is vibing yeah like i'm i would never hold anybody back from a good time you know and i don't want you guys to always be thinking about my feelings because that's not going to allow you guys to have a good time no it wouldn't because it would definitely hold us back because we'd be like oh man if i do this then he's not going to be you know in the right element for himself to find somebody to play with so i don't want to do anything to fuck that Right.

And that's where I'm going to be the one to literally tell you guys, like, you're good. Go have fun, you know, because that's what this is all about. You know, because, you know, I'm not a big fan of the couples where the wife is always pushing the husband.

I think it's tacky. And again, like that was part of the frustrating conversation was if we were to play that supportive partner role again, you know, you don't want to look like the gatekeeper and you also don't want to look like the one that is using their wife for bait. Right. Right. I want people to want to play with me on my own merit, not because they think they're going to get to play with you, not because you guys are telling people, oh, you should play with Pedro.

Right. I want people to come to me because they actually want to come to me and to play with me. The only thing I need from you two is when that happens to be enthusiastically supportive. We need to get cheerleader costumes. Yeah. We totally should. So... That's where we're at, you know, and again, questions, comments. Facebook page, you know, the group, our social medias, the email that's in the outro.

Yeah, we really do enjoy when like if we post for the episode and seeing you guys comment about how you thought about it or if we make a post about it, it's nice to be able to interact. And if you guys do have questions, you can even, you know, comment on the Facebook posts or things because we love that interaction as well. Yeah, I mean, we know we're not always right. Right.

Quote unquote right but that's the beauty of this it's a podcast these are our opinions you know you can agree with them you can disagree with them you can fucking hate me i don't give a shit let's talk about it yeah yeah and we like to also hear what their opinions are too because you know that also could shed light on something else that we've already previously discussed that we didn't think about yeah right yeah or if you've been through something similar yeah i'm always open to learning

you know so we love hearing from you but And hopefully as this show grows, we'll get a lot more of that, you know, because I want to be able to hear others' experiences, especially from the guys, you know, like if there's guys that have been in this for 20, 30 years, you know, I want to know what was your experience in the beginning versus now. Yeah. Like how did it evolve? Yeah. And those are things that we can use as topics on here too.

Like talk through that. I mean, if we come across people that, you know, are that we'd like to even have on here to talk through it on an episode, like, absolutely. So definitely looking forward to that. And I think that's going to wrap it up for this week. Yep.

So thank you again for listening, everybody. And we'll see you again next week because we're being super cool and doing an episode every week. Look at us. You've been listening to swing theory where we turn theory into action and stories into connection follow the show wherever you listen and slide into the dms on all the socials with your stories or questions or drop your confessions at swing theory 2025 at gmail.com same trio new stories next time on swing theory.