Ep 12: No Apologies: Queefs, Gags, and the Truth About Swinging

I was asleep for like 30 seconds and he came running down and was like, it's time to get up. Gotta do this.

Yeah, because it's getting late in the afternoon. Gotta get this podcast done for our tens of listeners. I was trying to get my beauty sleep. You don't need it. So excuse me for yawning. You don't need any beauty sleep. You're already beautiful. Wah, wah.

You got lazy bitch sleep that's what you that's what you're trying to get and she's doing it again you should put a dick in that hole if i could reach it'll make it stop if i had a big old dick i would just flop it in her mouth from here every time she yawns just like fish you know we need those like bag of dicks so then every time she yawns just throw one into her mouth i mean how many points we get but the problem is they're gummies and she'll

be like nom nom but they're not gummies they're good status man hell yeah they weren't gummies but i guess they come in gummy form too because the ones that i was thinking of are the hard candies like smarties oh i mean they'll give me something to suck on for a little bit yeah well you need a dick to suck. Facts fantastic note we're gonna get this show started,

Welcome to Swing Theory, where pleasure meets perspective. Join Pedro, Tink, and Tiffany, your favorite trio of temptation, as they dive deep into the swinging lifestyle. From wild stories to honest talk about connection, communication, and community, they've seen it all, and they're sharing what they've learned from over a decade of non-monogamous adventures. So, pour a drink, relax, and get ready to explore your own theory of pleasure right here on Swing Theory.

Oh, yeah. It is episode number 12 of Swing Theory. I'm your host, Pedro Martinez, alongside the two beautiful ladies that accompany me every week and every day of my life. Is that corny enough for you? It was. Okay, good. I'm practicing for Valentine's Day. It's fair a few weeks away not even it's two weeks yeah two weeks two weeks two weeks two weeks a few yep so I'm just practicing being nice now it's fair it's a nice change of pace it takes me time to ease into that.

You'll be lucky if you get a card oh that's fine that's fine I already got one actually a couple things but I'm excited for the one thing that I got for you god, I'm almost afraid probably really good if she's excited about it it's probably really good yeah for you guys probably not so good for me depends no I think you'll like it too okay we'll see, alright so this is episode number 12. Coming off of a great episode last week, that was a lot of fun,

talking about our spicy weekend that we got to have. It was fun talking about it and doing it. I mean, definitely more fun doing it. Oh, for sure. I mean, we definitely enjoyed talking about it, too. So, back to more of a normal format for today's show. I believe, Tiff, you found some good stuff to talk about for this week. I did. One of the posts that I saw on the group, which I thought was an interesting one, And there was actually a lot of engagement in, not in our group, in another group.

But it says, men, during a play session, what do women apologize for that they

shouldn't? Jesus Christ, what don't women apologize for? I mean, that's a good thing. At least we're sorry bitches. Okay, so from a male perspective, I don't want to hear sorry 500 times when I'm trying to fuck. I mean, you get that on the daily from the both of us. Well, I mean, it's... Not when we're trying to fuck, but... I don't ever apologize. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, she never apologizes. Fair.

No, but like, it's just so ingrained into women these days. Like, they feel like they have to apologize for everything. And to me, that gets annoying. Like, I can understand if something legit happens that you need to apologize for. To me, that's a thousand percent okay and normal. It's the, you know, oh, sorry I blinked. You know, sorry I didn't do this. or, you know, that shit gets under my skin. And I feel bad that it annoys me because I know, like, they're not doing it maliciously. Right.

I mean, I feel like that's something that's been ingrained in us, especially when it comes to, like, sexual things with guys. Because when we are young and going through the first, like, stages of exploring and everything, like, guys aren't as mature. So when you have some of those things that happen... I feel like you get a very different reaction than you do, obviously, like, now. I mean, I guess it would depend on your company that you keep.

Well, that's fair, but I feel like, again, one of the things is, like, if you actually fart during sex. So do you have a list of the things? I do. Okay. But if you're, like, 16 years old or, you know, your first experience and you actually fart while you're having sex, like, you're going to have some very immature guys.

Okay so i feel like if that would have happened to me back then like if a girl farted like tink farts all the time whenever we fuck yeah now yeah that's what i was gonna say like i didn't have those things happen when i was younger it's those things as i've gotten older that are now happening that i do feel like i apologize to people now in the lifestyle versus when i was younger and those things didn't happen. So it wasn't on my mind to do. But for me, when I was, you know, I started young.

I won't say how young, but I was very young when I started having sex. So I feel like if that would have happened back then, it wouldn't have fazed me one bit. Like I just would have laughed and just kept plowing. Yeah. I feel like there's, especially like with the group of people that I grew up with, like something like that, there would have been rumors everywhere. Like it It would have been humiliating. Yeah, I see. And maybe that's why I was so popular as a young man. Possibly.

Because that shit did not bother me. Like, I was never one to talk about any of my endeavors. Did you ever have it happen to you? Like, just for instance, say, while you were fucking, somebody farted. Not that I can remember. But again, like, these were younger girls and... They were trying their hardest not to have anything embarrassing happen too. But again, if it had happened, it wouldn't have been a thing for me.

Well, again, very glad that you were that way, but unfortunately, not everybody is. So why don't you take us down the list of some of the most common things? Because I want to give my perspective, and then I want to hear your perspective, like the two of you, coming from a woman.

And see just how far the disconnect is here. So one of the first things is queefing. Love it. I get so embarrassed. So, okay. Me too. For me, as a man, if I make that thing talk, it means I'm doing good. Like, because I am forcing a bunch of air. Like, that means that my dick is acting like a piston. Okay. And it is covering wall to wall and it is forcing air in there and that air got to come back out. So if it's talking back to me, I'm just going to keep making it do it because

that means I'm doing the damn thing. Which is accurate. I mean, we've had that. But I get so embarrassed. Even with you, I still get embarrassed. Not even a thing. Like, to me, that is along the lines of making a woman orgasm. Like, that tells me I'm doing something right. Because if it's not making noises, that means, like, I'm not sealing the hole. You know, there's air getting past my dick. Which means I'm not giving, you know, the best sensation that I possibly could in my mind.

That's how my mind thinks. It's 100% valid. It's also positional, too. That's where the queefing happens more often. Yeah, I mean, like, doggy happens a lot. That's, like, the only time that the queefing will happen for me, and I hate it. See, mine's usually on my back, but with my legs closer together. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Not when you're on doggy. Mm-mm. Well, see, and I think that's because when you're on your back,

for like whatever reason, your pelvis is closed off more. That's fair. So I can hit you wall to wall and force that air in, where in doggy style, your hips kind of spread open. Right. And, you know, like I know, like I don't hit all the walls at the same time. Right. Like I may get side to side or like top and bottom, but I don't get all of them. So therefore for you, that doesn't make it happen. But for Tink, when we're in doggy, like she's super tight in that position.

And when she's on her back, she can relax. I think maybe too, my hips are a lot tighter. Yeah. You have super tight hips. Right. So if everybody who's like, oh, I bet you're really flexible. The fuck I am. I will show you. No, she's the least flexible person I know. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, no, I cannot do those things you think I can. But that's why I'm wondering if maybe that it could be it, is because the hips are so tight, there's literally like no movement that you can create.

Yeah, so, but again, like for me, if I make a woman queef, then I feel pretty good about myself. That's fair. So I'm definitely not going to be upset or, you know, expecting an apology. Yeah. I feel like if I don't make you queef, I should be apologizing. Oh my gosh. No, definitely not because there's how many times that we don't, I mean, obviously, queefing is far and few between, I would say. Right. There's never a moment where, like, I'm not satisfied. Like,

that's not how that is. Absolutely. So it's like, just because we didn't queef does not. This is man brain, though. Oh, okay. Because, like I said, when I make that happen. That's fair. That means I know. It's the fullness. I am filling you completely. There is no room for air to get by. I get it, but not the case. No, not the case. Okay. Getting too wet or not wet enough. Okay. So my perspective, just off the bat, before you guys say anything.

I'm just going to say he is totally cutting in on us here. Yeah. Well, because I want to give you my side first before you guys go off into your feelings.

Thanks. So too wet can be a problem. Too dry can be a problem. Neither one are worthy of apologizing for. She says. Because, again, being too wet... Again, compliment, but it does make for less friction. So obviously it can take a lot longer for me to get off if somebody's super wet because there's not as much friction.

Not wet enough, again, no apologies because nine times out of 10, if a woman is sleeping with you, she's attracted to you enough that she's not dry because she's not attracted to you.

It's a hormone thing you know or some sort of medical thing that is preventing her from being wet so i don't take offense to that unless i can tell like she's just not into it fair but like with all things for women everything can be fixed for women that's not i mean slap some lube on there and you're good to go i guess you're not wrong so again as long as you're into me you don't have to apologize because like i'm going to know if you're into me or not you know and And Tink had that

problem for a long time, not being super wet. Five years. But it was a medical thing. And we finally got that fixed. And now she's wet all the time. I don't get as wet as Tiff does. Right. But that's not a, like, as a guy, I don't judge a woman's wetness on how into me she is. Yeah, because everybody's different. Yeah. I mean, in a normal scenario, like if I fuck Tiff, I know she's going to be super wet, just like she's going to be super wet if she fucks somebody else.

You know, it's not going to be like, oh, well, you got wetter for him than you did for me. She just gets super wet. Yeah, that's just how her body's made.

You know and like for you now that you're fixed like you say the same wetness pretty much as long as you're turned on you're the same wetness in the morning in the afternoon at night like it doesn't matter yeah the only time you get more wet is when you're actively having sex yeah and you hit that you know that a spot and you kind of get that gusha just whoo. Yeah, where before, when I wasn't getting wet during, before, whatever, if you hit that spot, then it would help. Right.

But it wasn't, like, super noticeable. Well, it would gush. Right. But then, if you kept going, it would dry up. Yeah. Yeah. So, again, like, from a man's perspective, as long as I know you're into me, there's no need to apologize for either one of those. Yeah. And for me, like with getting too wet, because I do know that it causes like there's not much friction. Like that's where I'm like, oh, my God, chill, Tiff. Calm down.

We'll see somewhere else in your brain. Go somewhere else. Think about something else. Yeah. And I mean, like, obviously, for the women who do get super wet and have that, you know, thought about maybe their partner isn't being pleasured enough. It's not that it doesn't feel great. It's just not going to push me over the edge. Right. You know, because A, I'm not used to that. Not just with Ting, but I mean, I've never really been with super soakers, you know.

So I'm used to minimal amounts of wetness, which creates a lot of friction to where I can usually be done in five to 10 minutes. But like if me and you were to go at it, like I have to wait for you to start to dry up. Right. Before I can usually get off. Yeah. But like everything that's involved with it is super hot. Like I love the sounds. Like I love. There's lots of sounds. Yes. So much mac and cheese.

I love the feeling of feeling like how wet you are, even on the outside. Because like it splashes whenever, you know, like if you're fucking hard enough, it gets on her thighs and on the outside of her lips and all that. You can feel that. So like it's not a bad thing. And this is a different sensation that you get. Right. And again, being of slightly above average size, if I was thicker, I don't feel like I would have as much of an issue when it comes to the friction.

But because I'm not super thick, when somebody does get super wet, you know, that just prevents me from getting off faster. And some women take that as, oh, he's not enjoying it, you know, he loose or whatever. And it's not that like I can feel you. It's just there's so much lubrication that the push me over the edge nerves are not getting stimulated. Right. The plus on that is the woman can come quite a few times. Oh, yeah.

And, I mean, that usually happens when Tiff and I fuck. She'll come two, three, four times before I can get off. Facts. Because usually after, like, the second or third time, she'll start to dry up a little bit. Yeah. Where with me and you, I'll be lucky if I get maybe two before you come. Yeah. It's usually one for sure. Yeah. And I mean, but like the nice thing when it comes to you that I really enjoy is like in the beginning, it's just enough to like slip in and out really easy.

Like there's no. Now it is. Yeah. Well, yeah. No. Yeah. Like before it was almost kind of painful for both of us until. Yeah. You got into it, you know. Yeah. Because we never really used lube. It was just kind of one of those things like it'll get there. We spit on it. Yeah. But I'm doing that thing pretty much but now it's like just having that light coating of lube on your dick that you can just slide in and out nice and easy, and then when you do come you get super wet and

Which is nice for me because that stops me from coming right away. Right. Then I can fuck a little bit more and then she'll come again and then she'll start to dry out enough to where, you know, I really feel all the friction. And it's usually, you know, maybe five minutes tops after she's done with her second one that I'm like, oh, I'm done. So then similar squirting. Love it. I mean, have you apologized for that? All the time. I mean, I think I only apologize

for the aftermath. I'm not apologizing while it's happening. I get in my head about the mess that it's going to make. So I stop myself from doing it because not purposely, but I get in my head about it. So then I'm like, no, I don't want to make a mess. Yeah. I mean, I definitely do that too. But I think there's, depending on the setting of everything, there's that mindset where everything just feels really, really good and it

just starts happening and that trying to stop it from happening block goes away. Yeah, I, I. Because that happened for me when we were at TJ's. So it's funny because I come easier than you do. Way easier. And you squirt way easier than I do. Somehow. Don't know how. So it's one of those things where sometimes you get frustrated because you feel like you can't come or come a second time.

Yeah. And I get frustrated because I get in my head enough that I. Especially because I know you love it and you don't mind it I get frustrated with myself sometimes because I do have that mental block of like no no don't yeah I mean for me, I'm never upset if somebody squirts and it doesn't matter where like if you're riding me cover me I don't give a fuck right and that's usually where I get so close and then I get nervous, if I'm going down on somebody yeah,

blast me in the face don't swallow it yeah like i'll lap that shit up like a fucking dog kind of sounds like you snorkel yeah like what frustrates me is the women that i know are known squirters that don't like on purpose because then that puts me in my head like right i didn't do good enough to make you squirt like not that it's my goal like it's not like my mission to make somebody squirt. But if I know, and I've heard stories, you know, like, oh, I do this,

I do that. And then I don't get you to do that. I feel like it's because of me. And if it's not because of me and it's because, you know, you don't want to, because you don't want to feel bad or have to apologize or whatever, like that gets under my skin. That's fair. And I know we've had this discussion. Well, I mean, but that goes for everybody. I know that. I know it's not just a me thing. Like, we've had this discussion, and I'm trying.

Yeah, because, like, I feel like it's the same thing where, you know, say, I'm known for blasting big loads over people's faces. You play with me, and you're expecting, like, oh, I know I can get him off, and he's going to cover my face. And then I don't. You're going to feel like, oh, maybe I didn't do good enough. Right, like it's a me problem. Yeah. Right, like you weren't, like, I didn't turn you on enough. Right.

I mean, that's fair. I mean, I feel like that would be basically the equivalent because us women would do that. Yeah. So, I mean, again, like I know I'm super open to a bunch of stuff, but for me, there would never be a reason to apologize. Even if I'm like choking on it and, you know, I'm drowning. It's another way you can go out. Yeah. Don't apologize. I'm there for a reason. Fair. Another one is for gagging or throwing up a little bit from gagging while giving head.

I'll let you guys go first on this one. Oh, so kind of you. Yeah, go ahead. I'm going to go first on my take on this. I ain't going to say shit. I will swallow that. You ain't going to know. Or I'm going to think you don't

know that I just threw up on your dick. Because I'm swallowing it back down. Yeah. And I will make sure there's no remnants of that either. Because, like, I don't want you to know that just happened. So I feel like they would know. But, I mean, I'm the same. Like, I wouldn't say a word. I'd pretend it never happened. Exactly. I'm just going to keep going. I know, obviously, like, the gagging, you can't fake that. I mean, you can fake it, but you can't, like... Yeah, some women try to fake

it. Like, you can't pretend that that didn't happen, because, like, if you're gagging, it... Right, it's literally a... It's a reflex. Yes, it's a reflex. There's not something... You can't force yourself to do that. Yeah. Like, I mean, you can force it to happen by literally jamming that cock in the back of your throat. Oh, no. I've seen... I've had people... Pretend. Fake a gag. Oh, yeah. How? I don't know how they do it, but they do it.

Like, okay. So, like, I've gotten ahead from women that I have seen swallow monsters. And then my little minnow gets halfway down their throat, and then they're like, because they know I like that. It's not the same. I know. Exactly. It's not the same. Like, thank you, I guess, for thinking of me and what I like. But if it's not real. Right. Don't perform. Yeah. Don't perform for me. So, and again, if you gag by accident, that was my goal. Like, don't apologize because I get off on that.

Like, I love making somebody gag. And if you throw up on my dick, don't care. Keep going. Yeah. Like... As long as you are, you know, ballsy enough to keep going, I ain't going to stop you. I mean, hell, you literally threw up on my dick one time, like all over it. I did. That one I did not clean up. I couldn't. Oh, yeah. It was past the attempt of that. I had to let it go. I mean, I continued. We weren't done. But I could not. Nope, there was no save on that one. That was probably my most

embarrassing, and we have freaking footage of that. Yep. Oh, I do not ever want to see that. Sorry, but no. hey, I made money off of that shit. I don't care. I'm good. I'm glad you did, but I, nope. Yeah. So again, like, now, if you throw up, like, on the bed, like, if you take yourself off my dick and throw up somewhere near me and you feel like apologizing, okay, I'm not going to be upset about that. Like. But if it's from giving you head. Yeah. Like, if that's the cause of it.

Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

I mean cool my dick was big enough to make it throw up sweet it's factual many many times yeah i mean again that's a ego boost for most men so what about telling a man to go deeper when he's maxed out okay that you can apologize to me for this bitch you don't know what i got i mean facts we do yeah so like if you feel my nuts up against nut to butt your asshole or your clit don't tell me to go deeper because i'm gonna go find like a baseball bat and see how how deep you really want it i'm good

fair i feel like that ego boost you got from gagging would just you know be gone completely gone and not gonna lie like as a man that has happened to me more times than i can count where you're in the middle of it and you know they're like deeper deeper harder and you're like i'm literally like laying flat on my stomach like across your body like It can't get any deeper. Like, man, this is deeper. Yeah. Well, you know, it would be like today when we fucked.

If you would have said deeper, I would have been like. I was going to say, I got footage of that. Yeah, there was no going. I don't know where that was going to go. Yeah, no, there was no going deeper. You know, and especially women with booty. Fair, yes. When you got cheeks and you're hitting it from behind, like, don't tell me to go deeper. That's fair. Like, man, there's six inches of ass cheek to get through before I even get to the hole. Yeah.

So, like, if you get two inches, you should feel lucky. Sweet lord. Last one is... Okay, no, hold on. Okay, we're not done. Okay. No. Have you guys ever told somebody to go deeper when you know they ain't got nothing left? Um... And have you apologized for it afterwards? Not that I recall. I don't know that I've ever asked someone to go deeper, though. I've never asked anybody to go deeper.

I may have asked them to fuck me harder. Yeah, I was going to say, and this was before the lifestyle, I've had, I'm pretty sure I've asked someone I was dating to go harder. But that was, again, my learning of things, and sex wasn't great with those people. Right.

So I was just going with what I needed to try to maybe make it a little bit better. Yeah, I'd fast to go harder, but not deeper. Again, why is it always me that, like, I find the bitches that feel the need to do that. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, at least the forever bitches don't. My first one did. Wow. She wasn't a forever bitch, literally. I mean, she attempted to be. She was a 15-year bitch. Yeah. That's what I was like. She attempted to be.

I mean, but even, like, before that and after that, like, I've had a couple. And I think for me, like, I, like, again, I don't ever feel like I've asked anybody to be, like, oh, deeper. Because, like, I can feel you on my cervix. And if I can feel you and, like, it's that, like, ouchie, I'm not going to ask you to go deeper because it fucking is hurting. Well, I also, like, you can also feel that their body is against yours. Right.

Like, if your body is completely against mine, there's no deeper. You would think... Women would realize that. Like, yeah, there's no deeper. But it's also like telling a woman, hey, there's a curb there. They're still going to hit it. Fuck off. I mean, I'm just saying. I know that wasn't meant to be a personal dig, but fuck off. Okay. You know what? You know what? She parallel parked just fine without hitting that curb. One swoop. Again, didn't say anything about Tiff. I didn't say Tiff.

No, but it felt pretty personal.

Okay so we all know a lady in the pages that is very proud of hitting curbs she posts about it all the time like oh hit another curb today came out of nowhere like came out of nowhere bitch now that was there it's been built there forever forever yeah i mean like they know the curbs there they're still gonna hit it facts so they know you're like you ran out of dick like five minutes ago maybe okay just out of curiosity we're not women who say oh deeper what if it's just

something they say that they think is hot because you hear that in pornos it could be maybe like hand in hand they go together kind of thing yeah like deeper harder rougher, Well, yeah, because in porn, you got 10, 11-inch dicks, and they're only using a quarter of them. So they're like, full scent, right? You know, like they're standing three feet away from the chick while they're banging her. Jesus. And then she's like, oh, deeper. Like, how much more? Like, are we digging to China or?

They wanted to go into their small intestine, yeah? Apparently. I mean, I got enough to like hit your belly button, but that's about it. I'll take it. I mean, that's about my max right there. Because if I can feel it there, like, it's that kind of feels good, kind of doesn't. Don't really want it to go past that mark, so I'm good. But yeah, like, if you know that I'm already balls deep and you ask me to go deeper, I fully expect an apology later on.

That is 100% valid. That makes sense. Yeah. Absolutely. And then the last one is bleeding or having your period. Okay, so I'll go first on this because I have a certified vagina slayer. Facts. So I make women bleed all the time. You two especially. I've made play partners bleed. I've had plenty of other, you know, relationships that have made that happen. And I think it's just because I get so hard. Well, and the curve. Like we've talked about that. The curve is. Yeah.

Like the way that it hooks when you are deep. And yeah, I think that doesn't help. I feel like the harder you are and the more prominent your curve, I mean, when you're super, super hard to the point where like it actually hurts kind of when you're in there, that's where we know it's damage is being done. Just how it is. Yeah. So like if I make that happen, you don't got to apologize. Like I'll apologize to you.

You'll be the one doing the apologizing. And like, as far as like the period goes, you know, like say you were supposed to meet up with somebody and they're like, Oh, I have my period. I don't give a fuck. Like, like I don't like to fuck during someone's period, but I'm not going to stop the play date. Like if they're open to doing other things, like whether it's oral, anal, whatever, or even just like sensual stuff. Right.

You know, like I'm down for that. Like, I don't want to waste the opportunity to be with somebody. Well, and there's also, again, like the cups and different things like that, like the flex discs you can use. And I've had that situation where I've been like, by the way, I have the flex disc in, you know, I've either started spotting, whatever. And honestly, most of the time I feel like guys have just been like, it's fine. Like, no worries. Yeah, I mean, like, I'm not a huge fan of the disc.

Like, I like the fact that we can still do stuff. Well, yeah, but it rubs you. The band rubs me because of my curve. Yeah. Like you catch it. If I was a straight on kind of guy, it probably wouldn't bother me one bit. Probably not. Because then I would just be hitting the actual disc part. I also think it's funny though too sometimes that you can hear. Yeah. You can hear the plastic. I never noticed. Oh, yeah.

We actually haven't really, I think we only fucked twice with me with the disc in. Yeah. Since I started using them. So I never really noticed. The one thing I had noticed is when we use the disc, it wedges it up way up in there. Like, I'm not getting that bitch out. I'm going to have to wait a couple hours. Squeeze! Not even squeezing. Oh, wow. It's up there. And it's like, it's tucked somehow. And I'm not getting that. That's because. It's almost like you suctioned it in there.

Well, it's because my curve hits the one side. Right. So it's pushing it up. That's it. I can't get it. After we fuck with that in there, I can't get it back down. So I just have to, I mean, it's in there. So I know it's good. Yeah. Like the tip of my dick gets sore. I'm sure. I'm sure it does. Because it's that plastic band. It's not a very, like it's soft, but it's hard. Yeah. Like it's a solid piece of silicone. I mean, it's flexible, but it has to be because it has to stay there.

If it wasn't and didn't have some sort of like shape to it, I mean, it wouldn't work very well. Yeah. So, I mean, like for me, if the woman was open to it, I would much rather just like do oral or, you know, oral and anal or something and have fun that way just because it kind of hurts me with the disc. That's very valid. Yeah, I kind of, like, it's nice to have that as an option. I mean, I haven't, I don't think I've played with anybody since I started using the discs.

I don't think you have either. So I wouldn't have any experience on, like, having to tell anybody as a heads up. Like, I know we've talked about it. Yeah, most honestly, but anybody that I've talked to have had no issues.

Yeah and i mean like for me as a guy if somebody is wearing like a cup or a disc and they still want me to go down on them like i whole hardly will i actually feel like the first time we met i had one in yeah you did yeah yeah because when we were in the truck you're like oh by the way. I have a disc in because I'm spotting. Yeah. You're like, I understand if you don't want to. Yeah. Happy intro to me. Yeah. Yeah, like we were already naked laying there.

And she's like, by the way, you know, like we just got done making out. My dick's all hard. And she's like, oh, by the way, I have a disc in. So I understand if you don't want to have sex. I'm like. You're like, at this point, what? I would have given you a head. Yeah, but I. The whole way. I've never fucked anyone with a disc, so I didn't know what it was going to be like. Fair. Did you notice that first time, like that it was bothering your head?

Yeah, I think I even told you. I think he said he was a little sore after. But I'm like, worth it. Hey, as long as it's worth it for you, then. Yeah, but I mean, like, now that I know and I've done it multiple times, I feel like if somebody was open to other things, I would probably do that. Yeah, that's fair. And honestly, now that we've been together longer, even if I, because I don't get my period, but if I am spotting, I don't use them anymore.

And typically the spotting usually happens when we're not together anyway, so. Yeah. Or he caused the spotting. I was going to say, or you break me and then I spot. Yeah, so I mean, like for that stuff, no apologies necessary. You know, even if you want to cancel the play date, like you don't have to apologize. Right. I mean, I feel like every woman's going to still apologize because like they themselves were looking forward to it. So they know you are too.

And they're like, so mother nature decided to wreck havoc and ruined our plans of having sex. So I'm so sorry. And I've pretty much literally said that to guys where I'm like, well, you know, sorry, came early. Yeah, which I mean, like I understand the want to apologize. But from like my perspective, the apology part is not necessary. Right, because it's natural. Just tell me like, hey, I got my period. Sorry. Right. No worries. Yes, agreed.

So next thing that we wanted to talk about was the evolution of meeting people in the lifestyle and the importance. Yeah, this is going to be a good one. This is going to be a good one. I feel like this will probably take us to the end of the show. Yeah. Yeah, so I brought this up to you. Because with all the different avenues of swing these days, and people complaining about not meeting people and this and that, and, you know, like we've seen it in the groups.

You try to interact. people don't interact back like why are you there right and like we've talked about before the culture right now is having to get to know people having to have that connection with them before you're even willing to consider play right or even talk i guess right like so what do you do yeah so like obviously back in the day sls other websites like that were your main go-to you know And it wasn't a, oh,

let's get to know each other. It was, they're attractive. When do you want to meet up? There was no like, hey, let's be besties. Right. Because again, it was that you're on SLS. You're literally looking. You're looking the fuck. Right. Then came Facebook. And originally, Facebook was more of the same. It was, you know, hey, you're attractive.

When do you want to get together? Then the group started. And then we started into this whole like, well, we got to be besties before we can even think about playing. And that's been very frustrating, even for someone who does need a connection. I don't need to be friends with you for five years before we play, you know, like a little bit of banner back and forth. I'm good. And then you have the events, right? You got clubs, hotel takeovers, and house parties.

Those are your main three events, right? Mm-hmm. So house parties are fun. I love house parties. But... They're more intimate. And it's very much a who you know type of situation. Like whether to get invited, it's who you know. Or if you plan on going, it's going to depend on who you know that's going. Yep. And I've done that. Like, there's been house parties, especially when I was a unicorn. There have been house parties that I had gotten invited to.

And it's like, okay, well, the hosts, I know them, but I don't know them. So who else is there that I would know? Because again, going by yourself is a whole different ballgame because you're like, well, what if I show up and I don't either like anybody or know anybody that's there? Yeah, so, I mean, that's a tough thing there because most people aren't going to just show up to a random house party that they don't know anybody. Right. Most people. Some will.

Some won't. And then the clubs, the clubs have always been kind of cliquish. And that's not to say that cliques are bad. Right. Cliques happen. Yeah. But it's one of those things, if you're a regular, you stick to the people that are your regulars. Mm-hmm. You know, you made friends with those people. You get along with those people. You like playing with those people. They tend to not venture out into the newbies unless they're super hot.

Then it's like fresh meat and everybody's trying to get them. Or unless somebody in the group became acquainted with someone else somehow. Right. And brings them into the group. Right. Like, I mean, we experienced that again at TJ's where there were a good amount of people there, but we definitely didn't feel like people were willing to go out of their comfort zone and get to know other people. Yeah, not at all. Yeah, they stayed with who they actually came with that night. Right.

Yeah, and then, you know, you got your hotel takeovers, which over the years have turned into big meet and greets, in my opinion. Yeah. You know, where play is not very important to most people. It's all about the mingling and the dancing and just the dressing up and feeling sexy for the weekend, you know, so that's been a rough way to meet people. And then you have your regular meet and greets, which are just vanilla type

events where you get together with a bunch of other swingers and you make connections. But... What connections are people really making? Because it seems like the same people go to the same meet and greets all the time. So you're basically just hanging out with people you've already met. Right, it's like a social club. And either you might have played with them already, or you haven't maybe been on the fence, maybe?

Yeah, I think it's because, I mean, people with meet and greets, and they're only like, what, an hour or two long. Like, you're not going to travel an hour or two to go to an hour or two event. Well, maybe an hour. but, you're not going to have a long distance travel to go to a short event and then come all the way home just for a meet and greet. So it's not like you're venturing out to other areas to mingle with other people. Right.

It's like you said, the same people going to the same meet and greets over and over again, which is great. It's nice to have a community of people. But again, what connections are you actually making? Right. You know, like no new connections, that's for sure.

Yeah. And with the way we've seen things like how things are going people aren't really playing you know like they talk a big game about it but then you go to an event and you never see anybody playing with other people aside from either their spouse or their best friends right yeah so i don't really see where that meet and greet thing has become very useful yeah i mean if you're new in the lifestyle? Yes.

Ish. Ish. If people will talk to you. Right. And again, and I hate to say this, but it varies on your level of attractiveness. If you're just an average couple, you're probably not going to get a lot of attention.

The only thing I will say that I think makes a little bit of difference is depending on who the hosts are of those meet and greets, because you do have some hosts that are willing to introduce you to other people and sort of focus on the newbies of the group and make sure that everybody feels included blah blah blah but that's far and few between anymore well yeah and then too again it goes back to how attractive you are because just because you get introduced to people doesn't

mean people are gonna do anything more than the simple pleasantries of hey how you doing correct yeah nice to meet you you know because like we see it on the groups all the time an average couple comes in you get four or five people that say hey welcome to the page then you get you know a good looking quote-unquote good looking couple that comes in And then there's 300 comments. Yes. Like, and of course, out of those 300 comments, maybe two of them have a shot. Oh, wow.

Which you can easily see at the beginning because they don't respond to anybody.

Yeah it's it's gotten very bad in that aspect as far as like people think they're hot shit when they're not you know and i'm sure i'll get shit for this and people be like oh you're such a fucking asshole shocker i mean nothing's changed there is some attractive women that we have seen in our local groups that's for sure like they are attractive but they are nowhere near attractive enough to think they can be as picky as they are like right and i'm not saying it's not okay to be picky but when

you only respond to people that are even out of your league yeah like you need a reality check you need a big reality check somebody needs to humble you yeah because in the vanilla world you're still a six like i'm sorry you're a six seven just because in the lifestyle pages you may be an eight or nine you're still a six like and that goes for the three of us like we know oh yeah i'm well aware of where i stand me too like i don't think i'm hot shit like

i said i'm a six on a good day and that's fine like i accept that yeah i mean i know that i'm not you know the hottest bitch out there but i'm well aware of where i stand and i'm confident I'm not cocky. So if I get attention, great. If I don't, understandable. Yeah, and see, like, that's where I have a hard time, like, taking some of these chicks seriously that are in the lifestyle. Because like I said, they're a six or seven in vanilla world at best. Right.

I'm a six. Like, I'm a solid six. We're in the same lane. And for you to act like I don't exist, bitch, you need a fucking reality check. Mm-hmm. Yep. Like, sorry. like I would put you at like a six or seven like me because you have a vagina probably a seven um, Ash, I would put probably seven, eight in real world. Like, you know, when you do your makeup and you get all done up, solid seven. When she does her makeup, gets all done up, solid eight.

That's what I was thinking. When I wear something other than work clothes, I'm a solid six. You know, when I trim my beard and, you know, get my hair cut, wear something halfway decent. Right. I'm a solid six. So, how are people like us and other people like us supposed to meet people that we're attracted to that should have some attraction to people like us when they think they're so much better than everybody? Agreed. I mean, overall, it's actually a turnoff when you see that because...

Oh, it's a huge turnoff. Yeah. Like... You don't want to bother because what's the point? It's an instant no for me for life. For life. Yeah. Because it's not going to change. No. And so, like, Tink and I have talked about this on the old show. Like, I could get into shape pretty easy. I could get ripped again. No, you can do it from home, which is somewhat not fair. But it's true. If I wanted to, I could be one of the most jacked guys on the page.

But I don't want to do that because then all the chicks that have ignored me for the last eight years are going to be, oh, my God, Pedro, Pedro, Pedro. And I'm not going to have the filter to not say, fuck off, bitch. Because you're like, where were you two years ago when I was, you know, having the dad bod rocking it? And you might have complimented me on my dad bod saying, oh, I love dad bods, but didn't actually like.

Oh, no, they don't compliment me, but they'll get on posts saying that they love dad bods.

And you know and then they never interact with that and never interact with anybody but the second somebody comes in or posts a picture because they go to the gym then they're like oh my god my DMs are open blah blah blah like shut up, you'd be like sorry mine are closed to you like sorry you don't even have a shot with that guy, like if he actually had standards like you don't have a shot, if he's just trying to fuck anything that walks but if

he's looking for someone in his league right again and that's what happens like like you get the the quote-unquote good-looking guys that just will fuck anything yeah well and that's truthfully what keeps those that have the inflated ego going absolutely yeah because they get the pity fucks here and there from the attractive guys and then they think that that's what they deserve and it's like no honey. And I know I sound like a complete asshole, but somebody has to say it because

this has been going on for way too long now. Yeah, I'm not wrong. Like, the lifestyle used to be, like, people were much more open to playing with different types of people. I mean, wasn't that the whole point of the lifestyle is to play with something you don't have? Yeah, well, and it's not just about looks, too. Like, you know, some people are really attracted to personalities.

But a lot of these people won't even give you the chance to show your personality because you know you're not their perfect example of what they're looking for right so how do you meet people when that's how this is is going these days now I will say that I feel like what we've come across and we've seen though is I do feel like some of the swing or friendly resorts and campgrounds you do find people that are more open Mm-hmm.

Well, absolutely. And I feel like that's because when you're on vacation, you get into that vacation mode, right? You've spent the money, you've taken the time off, you're going to have fun. And now all of a sudden, your standards aren't as important.

You know, like that perfect person that you have in mind doesn't exist anymore. Well, yeah, because you don't know what you're working with. Like it's a completely different area, completely different people. You have no idea who's going to be there. And especially if it's like a resort, like say it's an all-inclusive resort, like you're stuck with who's there. Yep. Yeah. And I mean, we've experienced that, like Tink and I, when we went to Caliente. You know, she used to be super picky with men.

We got there and she's like, oh, he's kind of cute. He's cute. Like, you know. Yeah. Like you scan what's there and you make your adjustments because obviously you're going to have what your main attraction is.

But if you're looking at it okay i'm here for a week i'm gonna look and see what's here what do i have to work with and we found that like during the week there wasn't a whole lot because it was during the week so it's really just who lives there but you did have your stragglers that came through for just for the day and that's where it opened up that oh well i didn't see him earlier right and that's where you have to be able to act you know like you have to say okay that checks enough boxes

yeah you know and that's where these days like right now today in the swing lifestyle there's not enough of that going on i agree it's all my boxes have to be checked in order for me to even you know consider getting to know you yeah yeah like i mean i used to be very guilty of that yes you were. And I wouldn't say that you had the I'm better than you outlook, you know, like a lot of these women do. Yeah, because I'm not cocky and I don't see that because I'm oblivious.

But you had very specific things that you were looking for. Yes, I did. And in turn made you look like one of those women, you know. But the difference was instead of looking for like the gym rat, you know, model pretty boys. Yeah, no. You were looking for the nerdy guys, you know, like the small dick guys, like you had very specific things. I had a niche I was looking for. Yes. But because you turned so many people down or didn't even acknowledge people, it made you look like those other women.

And I kept telling you that. I'm like, if you don't want to be labeled like that, then you better, you know, change your shit because. But it was hard to just because like, you know, you have in your mind what you're looking for. And when you're not sure, it's like easier to just narrow it down. But by narrowing it down that way, it does make it look like you only have a certain type of person. But you do, but you have to open that horizon.

Well, and that's the thing. like women have gotten away with being able to be so picky because their partners allow it. You know, back in the day and from talking to old time swingers, you know, like our good friends in Alabama, they've been doing this almost 40 years. Yeah. Like it wasn't so much taking one for the team if, you know, like one found the other person attractive and the other one was kind of like, you know, we'll see how it goes. But they at least gave it a shot. Right.

And they would have a good time, regardless of if, you know, that person checked all the other person's boxes. Yeah. Where now it's like, oh, well, that guy doesn't meet all my requirements. So now the husband's like, oh, well, then we're not going to play with them. Right. Oh, he has everything but a six pack abs. Yeah.

And I think the difference, too, that it kind of came down to is, okay, say, going off of our friends that we have in Alabama, It was a matter of, okay, one of the partners found the other person that they were interested in, was like, okay, I want to play with them. The other partner then looked at it as, okay, maybe it doesn't check all those boxes, but it's the experience that I'm getting with this person that I'm not going to get online.

My husband right and it and that was the thing it was much more about the overall experience for you as the couple right you know like yeah what you were able to take away from it right because compersion i think was a lot more important back then yeah i think it was definitely because again they were going into it where they just wanted to fucking have fun and you wanted to watch your partner enjoy someone else but now there's so much

more that goes into it because if you are looking for someone that you have a connection with, then you have those insecurities of like, oh, well, if they have a connection with this person, are they going to like them better than they like me? And there's been so many instances that you've seen in the lifestyles where, couples permanently swap partners.

Yeah, we've seen that. Or just the downfalls of the swinging aspect because everybody is looking for more of that emotional connection instead of just going in it to fucking have fun.

Yeah. So what do you guys feel is the best way for new people or semi new people to go about meeting the people that that are in the same boat as them like that they're trying to find you know people who are looking to play certain ways or whatever like how do you make those connections when it seems like nobody really wants to make connections anymore i think it's hard overall i think for me if i was to jump into it today i would probably go to the Facebook groups first,

but I would be one of those lurkers. Like, I would be one of those that sort of took a step back and was, like, watching how people interact and who they're interacting with and sort of finding people that way and then maybe looking at, you know, who's, going where this weekend, you know, or is there any of those people going to be at the corral, different things like that, and try and introduce myself. But... I don't know. I mean, I like the in-person interaction, and I'm also very spontaneous.

So I like having that in-person interaction. So even if somebody did or didn't interact with me on the Facebook groups, it's that in-person interaction that's going to mean something to me. But yeah, that's a tough one. What about you, Tink?

For me, I think probably the best thing that I could advise is if you're new to that, and you're trying to make those connections is going with the people that will actually have that communication with you, whether it's through Messenger and making those plans. Right. But how do you find those people? That's what I'm, that's what we're trying to figure out. How do you even get in touch with those people?

I mean, I think I'd have to follow along the lines with, with Tiff here, with the Facebook group. And I think it's only because a lot of the sites that are out right now, like we all know SLS has completely fallen off. There's a lot of people that are just not wanting to use it. I think there was even rumors of if there was pictures that you've posted on there from five years ago. Well, they're redoing the site. Yeah. So there's a lot of things that can be a hassle with using that right now.

And I also think SLS is unicorn hunters at this point. Like that's... Oh, yeah. That's the majority of what's on there is unicorn hunters. Or it's the older, much older crowd. Correct. Because that's the way that it was. That's all they know.

Yeah, they weren't going to go with anything else. Because they went from the back of the magazine you know that's how you used to do it for those newbies that were in the newspaper well they do newspaper no they had like a magazine that came out and in the back was connections and like events and stuff gotcha yeah it was it was old school back then and then you know took over but.

For me, I think if I was coming into this right now, what I would do is I would find clubs or groups that were dedicated to one of my hobbies or the hobby that my partner and I are involved in that were based on swingers. So like there's a bunch of motorcycle swinger clubs. Going like a theme of what you're interested in. Camping, swinger, you know, camping groups, stuff like that. Good idea. Like swinger bowling leagues. Well, yeah, because I know that there have been

a few camping Facebook pages. Oh, yeah. And I've seen the motorcycle club ones. Right. Yeah, I've definitely seen those. I mean, obviously, the Facebook pages, they have some per area. Right. But I've definitely seen the camping ones are just the ones that do have similar hobbies. Yeah, so for me, I feel like right now. Fitness is another one I was trying to think of.

Oh, okay. In today's swinging world, whatever my hobby is, I'm going to search out somewhat local groups or clubs that focus on that hobby that is run by swingers. Because you've already broken the ice. You have the same hobby. Yeah. So you've got something to talk about. You've got something in common. Yes. You have places that you're going to be at the same time as these people.

So you're getting face to face with them. And if you share those hobbies, chances are you share other things, which will make it easier to talk and connect. And, you know, it hopefully won't be as judgy and shallow as the main swinger groups are these days. And I feel like there are some support groups, too, on Facebook. Like you have the PA, like the women group.

There's the guys group, which I think is helpful. I like that because especially in the women's group, it's really nice to see that women are able to post things in there and not feel judged or have, you know, if because you do see a lot of times in the pages where they're like women only. And then they ask a question and there's guys in there that are like, what the fuck? It's like, I'm not asking you. Yeah, but at the same time, though, I mean...

Not to take away that women do have issues in the lifestyle, but at the same time, give me a break. No, I mean, and I'm just seeing it from my perspective, but there's guys that do too. There's guys that post in the groups and women get on their shit about it. No, I know. But I just mean in general, like the difference between women having issues in the lifestyle versus men having issues in the lifestyle. A lot of the things that we see in the women's group is advice on like scenarios

that happen, situations that happen. And like, you know, it's a lot of, you know, this happened with my partner and this is how they reacted, you know, just different things like that. So I don't think it's necessarily a big group of women complaining. I think it's more of that, like, am I being dramatic sort of thing. Kind of like a help me understand this. Did I go about this right or did I overreact kind of a thing?

And they're open to having that be blunt and, you know, they don't want someone sugarcoating it for that. I mean, and we do that with the three of us. Like, I've talked to both of you and said, hey, like, this is how I'm feeling. Am I overreacting? Or how do I go about this? Like, it's just normal conversation. Yeah. And I mean, like I said, I'm not trying to, like, minimize that women have issues in the lifestyle.

It's just, I feel like very different issues. Yeah. Oh, it is very different issues. Like, and a lot of times I feel like you women create those issues for yourselves. Yes and no. Some of them, I mean, it's valid. Like, there is stuff that, like, obviously, there's creepy men that do things that they shouldn't do and stuff like that. 100% valid. But then there's also a lot of the, you know, do as I say, not as I do type women. You know, like, they want to do everything and everything they want.

But the second their man does it, now it's a problem. Right. And that's why there's a women's group, so we can talk to each other about it. Right. Yeah. Pretty much. Well, and then, well, we get the other side where the guy's like, you know, I let my wife do whatever the fuck she wants. I flirt with one person and now we're getting ready to get divorced. Yeah. You know, like...

Again, it's very different scenarios. And for the way that the women have really taken over the lifestyle, it's not going in a good direction. Oh, I completely agree. Because again, like we've said many times on here, that even over the last three, four or five years, there's been such a huge shift in the way things happen. Yeah, I mean, the lifestyle was already originally based around women and what their wants were, what they wanted out of it.

But because they've taken their own path on it, on their take on things, it definitely has changed in those last three to five years. Yeah, because you went from truthfully doing the lifestyle as is, as it's supposed to be, the key parties and all that. And now, because it is all about the women and what they want to do, it's more emotions involved. And that's why I feel like anything you can do to get outside of the mainstream swing environment, the better luck you're going to have.

I agree with that. You definitely will have better experiences. And overall, there's a very good chance that you'll have more of the experiences you're looking for. Yeah. I honestly think from my perspective that I sort of almost prefer the traveling. Like I like going to the other places because it is everybody's going there for with the same goal. It seems like like if you're traveling to those lifestyle resorts or places,

everybody's going there with the same goal. Yeah, see, I think, like, I enjoy that too. However, I will say, I would rather go to kind of off the beaten path places because... Say, Hedo. There's a lot of the stuck-up snooty people that go there that I don't want to deal with. I would rather go to a campground. Well, that's part of that for me, though, because that's technically the vacation away from what you're normal.

Sunny rest is obviously nice because you do have people that are in our area that go, so you will run into people that you know that are in the lifestyle,

and then you have the regulars and everything. But I would lump sunny rest or campgrounds like that in with the going to a lifestyle resort or something like that because it's yeah i mean like i would too but i just like even caliente you know they have a more i guess they have a pickier group of people that tend to go there because that's more of your high class yeah yeah i mean it's that it's technically like the higher end resort so you're gonna see more of those types of people in

there i would rather stay away from that mainstream type of thing and stick to the small places that may not be packed but there may be that one or two couples that you could have a great weekend with or something like that that's a good thing maybe i'll post in our facebook group this week asking the listeners the same thing what they prefer and also like are there places that maybe we don't know of that they like to go to yeah i mean i'm sure there is like there's places

all over the country you know and unfortunately since swing talk kind of took off you know over covid the the hidden gems are not hidden anymore right and they're overrun with swinger wannabes right but there have to be some other places out there like sunny rest oh yeah that are still i'm sure there is and i would love to find them because Yeah. Like, I want to get back to the real swingers. Facts.

People that don't care about being your friend. They just want to be your friend for the day. Yeah. And for a good time. Yeah. Like, have a great time. Do your thing. Say your goodbyes. If you see each other again, cool. If not, cool. Yep. Like. And honestly, like, that's just, that's the fun of it. That's the fun of going to these places and meeting people that you've never interacted with before.

And honestly, it doesn't even have to lead to play. Like, it's just nice getting to know other people from different areas that you run into and learning about their journey and being able to exchange stories and just talk to them. Like, I love that. Yeah. Absolutely. So, I mean, like for this topic, you know, like unfortunately there's no good answer. Not really. But. I think it also depends on your dynamic as a couple as well.

Right. And what you're looking for. Or if you're a single. Just overall. Yeah. Like what's going to be the best option for you for where, one, what you're identifying as in the lifestyle. And then, two, where you're at as far as, you know, in the world. Yeah. So, hopefully, you know, there will be some discussion this week in our group that we can get some listener interaction on this.

And to, like, listeners, I want your feedback on, you know, my take on what I was talking about before with these people in the groups that think they're better than everybody and all that. Like, am I being too much of an asshole? Yeah. Do you see that too? Right. Like, because I can't be the only one that sees that. Right. Absolutely. And I'm sure you're not.

I'm just the only one that's willing to say it. Yeah. There's a few others out there that are like you that I, like you said, I think you're the only one that's willing to say it and has a platform to say it. Others probably just feel like they don't want to rock the boat. I mean, they don't have anybody to say it to. Yeah. I mean, at this point, I don't give a fuck about rocking the boat. We know. Not at all. There's no water under the boat anymore. Yeah, you're right.

That water is gone thanks to these people. You're right. So, I mean, honestly, I hope they all leave the lifestyle. Yeah, I hope it gets back to how it used to be. I hope that we can get to a point in the lifestyle where everybody, maybe not everybody, but most are back to that just enjoying people's company and going back to their regular lives. Yes. Yeah. Please and thank you. Sold. All right. Well, that was a great show. A lot of good discussion, I think.

And like I said, we're going to have some discussion posts up this week in the group. If you would like to join the Facebook group, make sure that you check out Swing Theory. Just search that and the group should pop up and make sure you answer the questions to join. I can't let you join if you don't answer the questions. I've had a lot of that lately. People sign up and never answer the questions. So, all right. Well, we will see you guys next week. Thank you for listening. Bye.

You've been listening to Swing Theory, where we turn theory into action and stories into connection. Follow the show wherever you listen and slide into the DMs on all the socials with your stories or questions. Or drop your confessions at swingtheory2025 at gmail.com. Same trio, new stories.

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