Parenting inner child: listener question

I'm watching the rest of the conversations from the THEM course that I hadn't finished yet.

In  one you say, "The gift is (insert whatever it is that we want that isn't happening or is happening and we don't want - in her case it's his not saying hello), so that the past response can be unlearned, can be healed. Because otherwise it doesn't get healed." 

Can you say more about how the parent, or the wholeness/truth that we are, has the potential to heal the panic, frightened response that was learned in a child state and that this can't happen when we somehow avoid the situation that brings up a projection from the past?