why does this matter for us to be here together? Dude, like my kids could marry your kids like I care so much how you freaking show up as a dad, dude, and you should care how I show up as a dad because if my daughter marries your son, like, dude, we want them to not have the same struggles we have. We want them to be on that deeper level, right?
Like I told you, my life was awesome, but now I'm struggling with new things I want my kids to struggle with, with deeper, more connected, more aware things so that they can provide incredible value to this world that we've been given.
Welcome to the Superhuman Father's Transformation Podcast. If you're listening to this, you're about to witness some of the most incredible transformations that have ever happened on the planet, and just by listening to this, you will be inspired to have your own transformation.
If you're listening to this for the first time, or you're one of the brothers in the brotherhood, go leave a review on the podcast and let the brother or member know how amazing they did and how incredible their transformation was. I'm Kyle Carnahan, founder of Superhuman Fathers, and not only am I gonna change your life, I'm gonna get you ripped as fuck.
let's get into this. Let's talk. Well, Ned, how you doing man? All the way in Hawaii. You in Hawaii
right now? Uh, as usual. Yeah. In
Hawaii, baby. Amazing. In Hawaii. Um, so Ned has a podcast. He's also got a book that I've read. Rebel Creates great book. Should buy it if you don't, um, if you haven't, um, and. Um, skateboarder past gate. He's just, you know, Christian background. Really cool story. But when I met Ned, um, we were so young in this, like, he gave us our, his trust pretty early on in this. And, uh, I didn't have a Zoom call like opening. It was just a phone call.
He's like, and I was still, I, I don't know if I'd had my transformation not yet or not. Ned had I, had I been posted yet Ned when you
came in? Maybe just barely. I'm not, yeah, maybe barely.
Yeah, just barely. I was still chubby, you know, I'm telling him like, Hey, you can do
this, we can do this. You know. You were on fire though, bro. I remember exactly where I was sitting when, and I have four pages of notes from that phone call, bro.
Well, I was tapped in man, cause it was right before and I'd figured it out. I had figured it out, you know, and so Ned, Ned, I think probably had the first onboarding thesis, whatever you want to call it, of, of the s HF philosophy that had come together in my brain. And I just lit a fire it like it is. Just once it started I couldn't stop talking about it.
And then we were bouncing thoughts and he was asking questions and we have a Christian background, so we were also talking about that and how it works and what that meant. And then I just felt the love from him and, uh, we, I just knew that this was gonna happen. He just was in after that, you know, and she's like, okay. And it's been fun. Him and I have communicated off and on as we've gone through this, and he's just, he, he's a jam you guys. He really is a good, good human.
He's got a great family. We'll hear about them probably through this. He's got a daughter, he does, he works out with, he'll send me these pictures and she's like, they're battling each other cuz she's a savage dude. So, but that's what's fun is what you create in your family. And so, um, Ned has been part of other men's groups, which is also interesting. And he speaks, he, he runs his podcast about dads and he speaks and, and does presentations about fatherhood.
And so it, it'll be fun to hear his perspective cuz he brings a lot of knowledge already. Uh, and he is applied that in, in, in his marriage and his family. But there, I think there's some concepts, universal concepts that we share together here in Superhuman Fathers that maybe connected some things. And so we'll see where we go in this interview. I didn't even send him interview questions. We're just, we're just gonna, you know, go with this.
But I think Ned. I wanna find our, uh, maybe you can give us a quick background of what you do or of Sure. Yeah. What I wanna get at for the first question is I wanna find out where you were at when you saw S hf, or when you were coming into S HF and why you pulled the trigger. I think that's kind of where I wanna start with it, if
that sounds good. Yeah, bro. And I'll just tell you, like I wrote down, I spent two hours today going through my journals and putting a bunch of notes down, so I'm gonna give you like a few pillars and you can just dig into whatever you want. Oh, and you feel
free, feel free too. This is your time, so as, as you feel inclined, you can take it wherever you want as well. I'm really good at, I can audible.
Yeah, you guys can ask me whatever you want, but I put it under like, you know, why I did this, disclaimers, some actual metric statistics because I track everything, uh, mistakes I made, and then there's about 10 rocks. Yeah, 10 rocks. Like what were significant moments? Because this took me 11 months. Uh, and then let's go, let's go. And then some wins. So I think this is the best part, bro, is, uh, first Kyle, you're making me jealous with that mango pre-workout. I, I ran out, dude.
So let's, let's hide that from the screen. Hey, I have
a few more. I'll, I'll, I'll send you one. It's,
it's about done.
It's so good. Okay. Check it out. Here's my opening. Why did I join S hf? I was cr I was already crushing it. And I'm not saying that from like a, from like a, a cocky stance, but like, I was doing great. My marriage was great, having great sex. My kids, my kids' relationships were great. Um, I had written two books and was putting out my third book. I did a TEDx talk. I was at 200 episodes on my podcast.
My business, which is employee Benefits, uh, my business, which is employee benefits, was going great. Um, I was able to move to Hawaii and still run my business in California. I think I had seven employees at the time. Um, I was already only working about 20 hours on my business, uh, at, in 2021. And then 2022 was 16 hours a week on my business on average. So like, things were going great. Um, and I was like, um, this is awesome. But I wanted to look on the outside how I felt on the inside.
Right. As a dude, you're scrolling through Instagram and you're like, this guy looks like an alpha. This guy looks like an alpha. And I was fine. Like I worked out, I could do workouts, but I didn't look, I. I didn't look shredded, I didn't look Austin. So I said, I wanna look on the outside, how I feel on the inside. And then God rocked my freaking world, bro, I thought I'd get this done in 90 days. I'm disciplined. This is not a problem.
And, and, and I'm gonna tell you from June of last year, through March of this year, in my journals, as I went through, okay, 28 days do this. Okay, 15 days do this. Okay, I'm committing to 77 days. Okay? I'm committing. And it's like, it was this rollercoaster of me, me trying to control it. And so if I were to boil it down to one thing, What I learned through this is I was able to build an incredible life. And, and it's not just all me. Like I totally, God hooked me up.
God was patient with me, um, from, from Ned's world. Um, but God wanted to mature me. Like I was the, I was the five year old kid coming to God, Hey, I'm going to McDonald's. Could I have five bucks? And he's always super generous to me, like, yeah, here, go get an ice cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this was Ned. It's time to surrender. It's time to surrender to who you are and to mature. Now you guys, I'm gonna be 40 in a month.
And so really, you know, like I, I wanted to look my best when I turned 40. And this became this spiritual transformation for me of a deeper understanding of who I am. Um, And so, I mean, I'll, I'm gonna give a couple disclaimers right, right now, and then maybe you want to ask me something about what I said. But this shit took me a year. Um,
just keep going bro. This is too good.
Keep going. It took me a year. It took me a year. Um, it took me a year. Um, I've gotten in, so here's my disclaimers. Took me a year. I got, I have gotten in more fights with my wife in the last year than in the last five years. We've been married, uh, almost 19 years. But I was, I was crushing it, but then I went freaking like, okay, there's another level of, of who Ned is, who Ned can be. And so the tension, like huge connects and huge disconnects. Not, I shouldn't even say disconnects.
It's like we just enter it in. So here, here's a great example. Here's a true metric. Okay? We got in way more fights. But if I look at, so I track our sex and her period. So like I could go into why do that, but. I had to change the point system because it got to a new level of incredible that I didn't even know existed. So if I looked at my points from, from, uh, I got it right here, you guys are gonna think this is whack book, whatever. Okay. Sex in 2021, average 20 points a month.
In 22, it averaged 30 points a month. And now in 2023, it's averaging 143 points a month. Because I had to go to a whole nother, like one to five didn't work anymore, and then one to 10 didn't work anymore. And I'm like, oh shit, I didn't even know that. Like the best is a 30 now. And, and sometimes I'm like, how can I put 30 today when last week? You know what I mean? Like, oh my gosh. So it has increased tremendously, but the tension of our fights has also increased because.
We're both digging into like, who are we? Who were we made to be? It's so intense. So back to my disclaimers, fights got worse. Um, dude, three months ago, I can see her yelling at me. She's in the closet. I can still see this. And she's so pissed. Like, I got her so wound up and she's like, really? You're a superhuman father? And it's like, it's like these incredible moments of us in The Bahamas connecting like I've never connected before, bro, on a trip that was given to me.
So then being in my closet a month later and she's like, thinks I'm the biggest asshole in the world because we're digging into this deeper level of who we are. That's what this freaking Superhuman Fathers has done for me. And this is just the beginning. Like to think I was going here and then to have Superhuman Fathers take me here and go, whoa, this is a journey for so much. Um, Oh my gosh. Okay. Uh, okay, so
let's go ahead, let's dig in here. Okay, so you're fighting more. Yeah. Why do you think that is? And did the way that you were responding to the disagreements change from before you started Superhuman Fathers? Or did the way you respond to them were, was, were they, was it the
same? So, here's what I'm gonna say. I think that the incredible life that I had before, which was great. So I'm not saying like all, uh, it was great, but Ned was the center of the story. Yes. And, and I, I loved my family a lot based on their performance in my story. And so it's this new tension of my wife, I truly believe is my other half. She's a half of me to like we are to be one, and she's another half of me that I don't have control over.
And I'm, I'm operating now to give her the space to be herself and not just be Ned's support system. And so it's this interesting dynamic where she's having a voice, she's standing up, she's being encouraged to be herself. And I'm struggling with what does that mean in this marriage we've had for 19 years? Um, how
are you giving her that ability? What's changed in you that has given her the opportunity to be more of her? Because this is a very massive, massive concept in marriage that us men miss. And I'm learning myself. And when you do do it, you know, you can feel the.
It's awareness, bro. I think that's the scariest thing to all of this is like, as you become aware, you almost become aware of what an asshole you are and, and an asshole you have been. Like, if I'm just hungry and I'm like a baby, I don't realize I'm an asshole when I'm crying. But now that I'm maturing and I'm crying, I realize like I'm just shitting on everybody around me when I show up like this. But now I see it.
So then I have this freaking internal battle with myself every day when I'm showing up with crappy energy. Normally it was just like I was a baby crying cause I was hungry. But now, now I see it, but I still am freaking crying. So how do I shift out of that? So it's, it's shifting out of that. Um, and then the other piece to it, man, is can
I just stop, can I stop this one second and just say, that's fucking gold. And is the whole reason why this was start in the first place. Like let's go right there. Like, that's it. And what's crazy is, yeah, we do talk about it of course, but.
Talking about it only does that talk about it, but until you get yourself in a place where you ain't got no place to go to scratch that dopamine and you got loud kids and your wife is ying at you and you're completely clear and all the pain is right in your face and you can't run from it, that's when, okay, now we have to learn how to deal with this. Cuz I can't go drink, I can't go stuff my fat face, I've got nothing.
I have to face it and I gotta get good at this or else this family's gonna fall apart. I love it, dude.
Savage. I think the other realization in that awareness is that I need my wife, like this is some ahas I've had over the last little while. Like she has something I don't have, so I need her not to like freaking buy bananas and put 'em on the counter, but I need her in a way that I like. She's my queen, bro. She has wisdom that I, that I don't have. And, and I need to see her that way. Not as the banana buyer, but as the fricking You have wisdom. I don't have, I mean, dude, even this aha.
I was speaking at this event and I was talking about food, and I was talking about how I turned to food when I'm bored. And she's like, no, you don't. You turn to food when you're stressed. And I'm like, oh my God. Yeah. You know, she, she knows me and I think that I, over the last year, have opened up to choose to know her. And so dude, two ahas, like one, uh, we were sitting in the kitchen one night and she shared some stuff with me.
And I, we've been married, dude, we're gonna celebrate 19 years in July. I said, would you have shared this with me a year ago? And she's all, no. And I said, why? And she's like, I just couldn't, couldn't trust you with that part of my heart,
bro. Let's go, dude,
bro. So this is it, dude. This is why we become that man. This is so huge. Ned, here's the craziest shit. Like I knew, I, I saw this in you when we fir when we first met, dude, I was like, Ned's still kind of a pussy. Like, I loved you, but I was like, I could see it, you know, like, I was like, dude, I saw power in you that wasn't released yet.
And I'm like, oh my God, I hope someday I get the opportunity to just, just, just give, like, show you the key, not, not give you the key, not open it for you. Just be like, Hey, hey, hey, look, look, look, look to your left. And you're like, oh, I'm already that guy. I just gotta do that. Okay, cool. Like, boom.
Done. And, and you know what, bro, I'm gonna tell you this, okay? So, so the other thing, and, and we can jump around here, but you know, number one is, is awareness, right? This is all about awareness. And then, you know, figuring out what to do once you're aware. But the second thing is do you're connected so you become connected in a whole new way. So, uh, you know, I'm in Hawaii, so it's three hours difference from California, but in my world, okay, God woke me up on Monday morning. Okay?
This is yesterday Mor yesterday, bro, yesterday morning. And it's, uh, you guys are already 30 minutes into the call. And I'm like, ah, I'm not gonna join. And he's like, skip what you were gonna do for your morning routine. Go get on that call. So I go get on that call and freaking I do one comment to somebody on there and Kyle says, Kyle says, oh yeah, Ned, call Ned about the Kickstarter. And by the way, uh, I smelled weakness on Ned when I met him. And I'm like, God, it was good.
It was what I needed to hear. Just like just now. He said he thought I was a pussy. What I met or saw, whatever, it doesn't hurt my feelings now. Now you have my
heart,
dude. All my respect in the world.
Here's, here's the point of this, like, whatever I got posted or whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm on this call right now, like whatever, that that weak pussy is still inside here. He's smaller and weaker than he was a year ago. Yeah. And I'm gonna continue to kill that fool. But the point is like, dude, I'm con, I feel connected. I mean, I've got a couple other moments where I just had these like incredible moments, bro. But like yesterday was, uh, Ned, you need to go get on that call.
You need to hear something. I get on that call. I hear it. And, and, and I, three years ago, if I heard Kyle say that, I probably would've left the group and been like, right, me too. Person's bigger.
Me too.
Like, like, like shame. Like five years ago, somebody said that shit to me. I'd be like, fuck you. Who do you think you are? You know,
instead of like, say that and I, for
crazy.
I love it. Man as I as today, I looked over the last year, you know, uh, there were just so many wins, man. So many wins. My wife and I went to a, like a marriage retreat just like not too long ago. That would never have happened a year ago. My wife went and worked out recently. That never would've happened. Um, the connections and awareness are incredible. Um, I don't know. I have a whole bunch of other shit I could say or talk about, but I don't know if you wanna ask me a question, Ryan.
I just one more about this. This is
pretty cool. Something you mentioned about how, um, just being able to, like, she wouldn't share this part of her heart with you and then, but also you're sharing that you're fighting more and so she feels safer with you because she can actually express these feelings that she was bottling up. And so you're able, because you can sit in discomfort. This is really interesting. Check this out, you guys. I just thought this is really good. So authenticity is the ability to sit in discomfort, right?
Because you have to actually be honest with everyone of who you are and your values are, and it makes, and they might disagree, so it's uncomfortable, but she's gonna, your wife will push you and to find that in you, right? She's gonna always push the limit because she wants you to find more of your authenticity and she wants to be more of herself and more of herself might bring up stuff that you disagree with or whatever.
And so that, it's just crazy how this bleeds the ability to sit and discomfort bleeds everywhere because if you can just sit there with your wife and be there with her, then you, you're actually gonna become the couple you're supposed to be together because you can finally hear her without what you say you to sedate or run to food when you're stressed or whatever it was that you were talking about. I just really appreciate that concept and how cool for you to be able to tell us this too.
How cool to be able to tell us about your sex life. What a cool place This is so fun, man.
This is love. I love, I love how we can like talk about how we suck at shit and how we did suck and how we're better at it, and then how we suck at stuff now and how we're gonna get better at it. And it's like, no ego, like I can share all my bullshit with you guys and you, and you're just like, rooting me on like, you guys give a shit. And, and then I do too. We like, no one cares in the world. Like, like we're men just want somebody to give a shit.
Like, like, hey, like, can you just be with me on this adventure? Please. Like, I just need a homie. Like, I just don't wanna be alone, man. Like, let's fucking do this together. And that's what we have here. And like, like to me, like, fuck, I'm so proud of Ned man. I'm just proud because it's, it's hard to face that shit. It's hard to get through that eagle wall.
Um, I mean, I've gone through it so many times and it tries to pull me back and I'll watch a, watch a guy just rise like he did and fight it with so much resistance. It's fucking inspiring, dude. Like, on another level, bro.
Um, yeah, man. As you're talking, I'll, I'll say this, I'm in four groups right now. The other three are not fitness groups, but I'm in four groups and Superhuman Fathers. There's something I, I know what it is. It's, it's the transparency. It's the vulnerableness and it's the, it's that Kyle is willing to do this with us. Uh, it, he, you know, nothing against like a. Nothing against the guru model, like whatever the guru model is, what it is.
But, but Kyle is here to tell us when he messes up and yells at his kid. I remember, man, recently, maybe three months ago, dude, I lost, that's the other thing is like, I lost my shit on my daughter one day, and I called Kyle and I was like, bro, I just told my daughter we're at jujitsu and she didn't want to get out of the car. And I just was like, get in the fucking car. And I'm like, dude, I would never have done that. Dude. I don't even, I didn't even say the F word in my twenties.
Like, I just, I didn't, I was a youth pastor. I didn't freaking drink then. And Kyle was just like, oh yeah, that's all right, dude. I, I yelled at my kid two days ago and it was, uh, it was not appropriate. And it was just like, oh man, this is not about perfection. This is not about perfection. And I'll tell you the reason why this took me a year is because I was trying to control, I was trying to be perfect. Yeah. And, and, and I was doing it based on focusing on food.
Like whatever your thing might be, yours might be hard to go to the gym, so you're just focused on that. Or you might be focused on getting up early, whatever, whatever your thing is. Like you're focusing on the wrong thing. Yeah. It's your, I'm I'm doing this because it's who I am. Yeah. Like I am Ned. Like, dude, you gotta say that about yourself. Like you are whoever you are and, and God or universe, whatever dude entrusted you with a wife, with kids, with a life.
Like dude, we have massive responsibility. And so every day when we do this, it's just, Hey, I
wanna hear responsibility. I wanna hear this Ned, I want hear the statement. I am Ned. But what is different in that statement now versus before Superhuman Fathers? If you were to say, I am Ned, what would that mean? I know this is one crazy ass question. We're getting
symbolic here. Yeah. No. Okay, so, so
this is, I can feel this, this one, this is a good question. What does I am Ned mean compared to I am Ned before
Superhuman? If you were to ask me a year ago, who is Ned? I would say, oh yeah, I'm Ned. I've got a smoking hot wife. I've got five beautiful kids. I live in Hawaii. I wrote book, like I got some, I would've said all these labels, like, oh, I like to skateboard, or I like to surf. All these things to define me, to make me feel cool or important, or whatever. And now ultimately it's, I'm Ned, I'm, I'm a son of God. Like I'm a child of God.
And all that means is like, I'm gonna be out and I'm gonna, I'm gonna do my best, right? Like I'm a shitty person and still selfish, but I'm gonna do my best to provide value, to love people and to do right by whoever comes across my path today. But that's the wrestle, bro. Like a lot of days I'm still acting selfish and so I gotta go, stop being selfish. Stop thinking of yourself, but.
To answer your question, it would've been a bunch of labels to make me feel good about me, and I feel good about me most of the time. At least I'm aware of when I'm being a douche. Chanel
so good. I love it, man. Why?
The only thing that comes to mind, the only thing that comes to mind here is just like, like I am me. And whatever my great struggle is, is my great privilege and adventure to be a part of. Let's go. You know? And then, and then you, you gather here and you get to be with a bunch of guys struggling with their own shit, and we get to have this adventure together and we get to be totally real about where we're at. Just like Philip from Ireland, when he is like, Kyle, I can't believe it.
I thought I overcame this. I drank last night. Well, of course you fucking drank last night, dude, you, you, you quit cold Turkey and you went three months and got stressed. You had some drinks. Like, fucking, I don't care. Like, hey, congratulations on the epic three months, so let's just get back on the train. And, and nobody talks like that. They're like, oh, well have you tried, uh, this technique? And like, oh man, I'm so sorry I'm, you really blew it. You're fucked.
It's like, I'm so sorry. Your 90 days got disappeared. This is the wrong outlook, man. Like all I care about is a dude is trying. That dude's trying. I have the utmost respect. Like, Ned, I knew you were trying like even a couple months in, I was like, oh, full respect for Ned. I'm like, N Ned's fucking at war. And then he would, you'd slip and struggle and you'd share your struggles with the men. I'm like, that's it. It's ain't about the results. It's about the struggle.
You know, it's about the honest struggle and then sharing that with everyone to give them power so they don't feel alone.
And then guess what happened. So I think, I think that like it, you know, like right now, like right now, we get to celebrate that. Um, but the thing is, is like, this shit is hard. Like anybody who's gonna do this, it doesn't get easier. Like I got posted, my life should continue to get harder, right? I mean, I mean, I wanna experience more peace, hope, joy, connection with my wife, awareness. Um, but it's all gonna get harder. And, and that's the point, right? That we're in a war.
So we gotta continue to fight battles and we're gonna continue to lose some battles. But man, this is something that really hit me in this kind of discovery process is yes, we're at war and yes, I can lose. And if I lose, there's names associated with losing the war. And that's Sarah Brooklyn, violet Presley, Brody, and Stella. Those are the people that have been placed in my care.
Ooh. And if I lose the war, bro, that's, we're talking about families for generations that are gonna be impacted because of the way that I did or didn't show up. You imagine? I think, yeah. On the front
lines bro. Can you imagine protecting your family on the front lines with everything's against him? And dad sits on his ass cuz he's tired. I can't fight anymore. I'm tired. It, it's really hard. And then the, then the army comes and just massacres your family cuz you were fucking
tired. And you know what bro? You know who we need to protect our families from. This guy said this, this isn't me, but I just heard this recently. We gotta protect our families from us. Yes. He's like, we, we buy the nice house and we buy the ar. Cool. I know how to do jiu-jitsu. Whatever, dude. The fact that someone's gonna walk in your house and Jack with your family is slim.
The fact that you're gonna be an asshole to your family every day and destroy the the man that your daughter's gonna marry, or the way your wife feels about her. You gotta, this is about you battling the pussy inside you so that you can build a legacy for the next thousand years of, of values in this family that you've been given. Dude,
Ned, whenever you talk, you get me going. Usually I shut up in these, but me fired up. Like I, every morning I wake up, the devil is speaking to me or whatever you want to call that motherfucker and he says all kinds of shit to me. You're gonna lose. You're gonna be humiliated. Everything's gonna fall apart. You better stop this cuz it's only gonna get worse. You're gonna increase. He just says all this shit like you're not worthy. You're a hypocrite.
And then I go to my Facebook and all the haters sound exactly like that voice. Yes. And I'm like, oh my God. They're, they've been overtaken by the darkness and they're speaking the same voice as the resistance. And I'm like, oh my God, I see it so clearly. So imagine those men in their homes that have been overtaken by the resistance, where their words have become the fucking devil. And that's what they're speaking to their families.
They're, they're completely hypnotized, sedated, disconnected, and they're just crushing and destroying everything around them.
Damn. Well, I, I was just gonna say, put my kids on, on your list, Ned, and I'll put my kids on your list. Vice versa for the war. That's what you did for me, man. I know. I can depend on you because if I can go to you now, right? Like you can come to me for advice and, and example. Kyle, what you just said though was so damn powerful.
That's cause Ned's the best, uh, interviewer ever. So when he speaks, he brings out the best in you. Just listen to his podcast.
I do love interviewing dads. Um, one thing I don't want to miss to share with you guys is the moment that, uh, this shifted for me, it was, um, March 3rd. I had probably failed my, like fifth or sixth time in like creating my chart to be disciplined and I'm gonna get this done. Uh, and I went on this walk on March 3rd. In the evening, I can see right where I was, and I'm like, God, I can't do this on my own. Like, I literally can't do this.
I've, I, I've been trying, I've been trying, I've been trying. I I just need your help. And so I'm gonna commit to you right now. Like, I, I don't need to find some guy to commit to. I don't need to commit to my kids. I just need to commit to you, like I need to be the man that you designed me to be. And so I committed and I, I was like, I'm gonna fast tomorrow.
And then I kind of said what I was gonna do until Easter, which I did the very next morning, I wake up to a homie calling me, saying, dude, I had a dream about you last night. This is weird. I need to tell you what the dream is. So he's, he shares his dream with me. And the dream long story short, is he hired me to like, put the flooring in, in his bed, in his house, uh, in his basement.
And then he, he left and he, he came back and I had torn up all the flooring in the first story, not in the basement. And. What I heard that day was I was, I was starting in the wrong place. Like I, I wasn't starting with where God wanted me to start. I need, if I want to be a father who influences other fathers, I gotta get my own house in order. And that meant my fitness. Let's go my, my health, my finances, and my marriage. And so from that point on, man, I, I paid a like $80,000 a debt.
I, my, I I, I freed up $10,000 in cash. I like did all these things in, in a 40 day period. And that's when I also got posted is, is I surrendered to who I'm called to be. Like I surrendered to that man and I still messed up with other things probably or whatever. But my point is it switched from me controlling an outcome to me, surrendering to this is just who I am.
Let's go dude.
And so my point of saying this is like this whole thing is about connection and awareness and it's freaking hard, but this is who we are. Like if you're on this call, like this is who you are, you're called to this. You can put whatever name on it you want to, but you're called to your true identity. And that's why you are here is to embrace that. And why does this matter for us to be here together?
Dude, like my kids could marry your kids like I care so much how you freaking show up as a dad, dude, and you should care how I show up as a dad because if my daughter marries your son, like, dude, we want them to not have the same struggles we have. We want them to be on that deeper level, right?
Like I told you, my life was awesome, but now I'm struggling with new things I want my kids to struggle with, with deeper, more connected, more aware things so that they can provide incredible value to this world that we've been given.
I love some of the things that you're saying. Identity, um, you mentioned being what you're called to be, you know, all all. And then you mentioned outcome. Really powerful because the outcome doesn't matter so long as you are who you need to be because it doesn't matter anymore. Whatever arrives, you're gonna be you in the face of it. And that is the most powerful position to put yourself in because that's when impact happens when you're immovable. I just, how did you, okay. How did you get to
that? Right there? Freaking struggle, bro. Yeah. I'm not there yet, but this ain't about me, you know? And it's easy for me to say right now cuz it's like, okay, there's, but.
The awareness there. You know, how, how do you find it? Because what is the trigger? Because we all have these crazy things that happen. Okay? Yeah. Yeah. How do you, how do you, how are you prepared? Because the
chaos is coming so, so legit. I read, uh, I don't do it every morning, right? So anybody who says they do something, every single is, is a liar. But, uh, I read affirmations in the morning, right? And I have an avatar. His name is the captain. And so whenever Kyle or Ryan or anybody says this like amazing thing, I go put that in there. That's what the captain would do. That's what the captain would do. And I read that in the morning.
This is who I'm striving to be, and this guy should continue to grow. I'm never gonna reach that guy because I'm gonna keep growing what that guy looks like. Damn. And then at the end of the day, maybe four, four nights a week or whatever, you know, like when I, I, I'm actually committed to do it the next a hundred days. Cause I got some shit I'm working on, in, in my life, um, for this next level. But I ask myself some questions, right?
So me and my kids, we sit down, we go over a journal and we go over like, uh, but one of the questions right now for awareness is when did I, when did, when did an opportunity come. In an argument with my wife, and then did I respond the way I want to or not and why? So like, I journaled that at the end of the night. So like, last night was great, man. We, we went on a date. She said something that annoyed me. And in the moment I'm like, it's all good, dude, that just move right along.
So I journaled, Hey, you did great. The day before she said something that irritated me and I'm like, let's jump in the ring. Let's fight for a minute. That sounds fun. And so I didn't respond well because I was being a little bitch about it and just felt like fighting. But what's happening now, which is frustrating me more, is in that argument. I could see her standing across the room and I can feel myself saying, dude, just go hug her, bro. Just go hug her. So Sunday I did.
So Sunday I'm like, Ned, stop being a big, just walk over. So I walk over, I hug her dude, and she just starts crying and she just, you know, melts in my arms. And so that was a win. And so what I'm doing is journaling at the end of the day of what opportunities was I given to operate as the guy I wanna be. Mm-hmm. And then if I don't, why didn't I? Um, and I'm failing a bunch, bro, but, uh, very, very
stoic of you. I'm, that's amazing. Yeah.
That shit's so hard to go hug your wife when you're pissed, dude. Like, I, I wanna squeeze her so hard. Her head pops off sometimes. I'm like, I'll just give you a hug. It's hard. That's like the hardest shit in the world, dude,
bro. Me and my son, I wrote this down, my son and I, I planned this father son event, uh, for another organization last October, and my son went with me and he helped lead some of the things. And during it, dude, we did this devotion reading about Jesus asleep on the boat, you know, and, uh, Peter, or no, when, when, uh, Peter, uh, was like falling in the water, and I'm like, oh, well what do you think about this?
And uh, he's like, well, the reason that, uh, Peter started sinking was because he was focusing on the storm and the waves. And like my 13 year old son just created this amazing moment for me where he's like teaching me, dude, the moments that I look at the storm and I don't look at the captain, I don't look at who I am in this moment, bro, that's, let's go. That is power.
That is so good. Tell, give your boy a hug for me. That was money I love.
Oh, bro. He like led a journaling experience too. It was so fire bro. It was so good. He's like standing in the middle of like maybe 75 men and kids and he's just I mean, you, you give your kid an opportunity, call him into this. Uh, and, and he led a group of men and kids. I'm doing some gratitude journaling and it was, it was pretty epic, bro.
And so you said, and your boy said two things that are very similar to what you're talking about being this person that you're called to be amidst the storm. And, and you fo instead of focusing on like, and you said it with your wife, you said, I'm in an argument and it's an opportunity you asked yourself at night. This is where was my opportunities to demonstrate my virtues, my values, what I know I should be, and that's what inconvenience is.
It's just an opportunity to demonstrate virtue that captain that you're talking about, amidst the storm and the winds and everything, the preparation was, had already been done. It was the moment to be that man. And so that's why you, we do what we do because moments like that are gonna come and we have trained ourselves to be able to find our values to be that man, that man, that man amidst the, the chaos of the storm. Freaking, this is so beautiful. Absolutely amazing. Yeah.
I think the other thing that, that can get a little, uh, interesting with what we're doing here when you're talking about food and fitness and sleep and stuff, is to, to acknowledge that as a man, I have needs, like I ha I have needs, I was born into this world with needs. I'm hungry, I'm tired. I need sex, and I need to do something with my hands. I mean, those are kind of like four needs that I would think that I kind of operate in day to day.
And three of those, I actually have a lot more control and influence over than I realized. Right. Have I fed myself well, have I got enough rest? And did I do something physical, which is kind of all the superhuman fathers think. Now my belief is if you do those well then the fourth one, the sex is gonna come, uh, is gonna, it's gonna happen. As long as you're not, I mean, dude, you gotta get pornography. You gotta get masturbation. You gotta get all that shit outta your life.
That stuff will des that will destroy you. Um,
and stop on that right now and let's let the guys let that soak in because there's a, you know, for a long time I didn't quite understand that. I was like, well, why does it matter? Like, what, why does it matter? And it's just like someone who drinks a ton, it's like, why does it matter? I mean, I'm on, I'm not hurting anyone. Why does it matter?
Dude, because there's something spiritual that happens, bro. It's like if, if you know, like those moments, you have the most incredible sex with your wife, where like you were pissed at each other or you were not together for a while and you came together and it was just like, like, you can't explain it, but, but like, you just gave me each other. Like you gave yourself to each other. It's like, oh my god.
So it's like if I'm in a hotel room and I just freaking Eric off and give that to nothing, like there's something I'm giving of myself and it's just going into the trash can, whatever. If I can wait, figure out, go do a workout, go eat something, go do something else, then, but when I get home, then make that connection with my wife. Then there's, there's just a connection there, man. There's just a connection. Yeah.
Like I did the same thing where I was like, this is yours now. It's not anything and I, it's not anything other than yours. And I, and I, I save it for
you. Yes.
Period. And, and I know for some guys right now they're thinking like, that's impossible. Like there's no way. There isn't a way. Like I, I would eat, dude, I was jerking off every day, bro. Like, it was like the way to put myself to sleep. So like, I was like, I can't sleep without it, you know? But then it then, and then I just like, just like anything, just like food, like any, any, uh, just like nicotine, uh, just like fucking cupcakes. It's like you're not gonna die.
In fact, you're gonna get more hungry for life. When I started getting rid of that stuff, everything, my sex got better. My money started flowing to me. People were magnetized towards me when I spoke. I spoke with power. I couldn't speak with power when I had that shit. Like, I couldn't speak with power. When I was jerking off every day, I
could ask, did it, did it make you bad? Did it make you a bad guy, Kyle?
No, bro. No, it's not. I'm not bad. I'm just. Man, I'm just making a bad trade and having less of a fulfilled life.
That's all. I think that's a huge, huge to go is none of this is about good or bad necessarily. This is all about like, am I operating at, at who I am?
Epic life. So why not do the things that set you up in power? And we know now that power is so fickle, it's so fickle. It'll leave you in a split second with a thought. And so that's where the discipline comes in, and that's where we have to keep hold the line even with our drifting thoughts, because all of a sudden, whoop, distracted out of power, boom. He gets you stuck. You're drifting now for the rest of the day, and now it's at night. You're frustrated.
You're yelling at your kids and your wife. You're like, why? Why does it even matter? What's the point of this bullshit?
And someone spills some shit and you're like,
God damn it, what's wrong with you kids? I gotta do all this in this house and make this money. I'm so stressed. And it just, it's a snowball. And it started with one thought.
And if you are hearing this and you're like, I don't know if I could do that. Okay, maybe you were, Kyle was all right, where it's every night.
Start with the macros. I'm not gonna jerk off tonight. And then I was like, I'm gonna jerk off.
Okay? Hit your macros. Hit your macros first. Yeah, if you can, if you all, if you can get macros, guess what? It'll bleed over. I'm telling you. Okay. So it,
sometimes it feels like your brain's itching. That's where you wanna be. You wanna sit in the spot where you have a itchy brain, like that's your power spot. I swear to God, listen to me carefully. When your brain is itching for pleasure and you deny it, you're, you're taking the resistance and you're knocking its fucking teeth out. It has no power over you. Lemme tell you something, I'm gonna tell you this really quick. Sorry Ned, I'm stealing your time. But no, he
doesn't steal. You can't, you can't help it. I smoke. I smoke a
cigar like twice a week. I like to sit down with the boys. It's been this. I don't get to have a phone and I have to talk to the boys with my cigar. And it's amazing. I love it. I love it. I love that moment. I, we've had the most amazing experiences together with my kids at Cigar Time. Fire pit. Now, please understand, I don't believe cigars are wrong at all. Enjoy your cigars please. But yesterday morning I had just bought a bunch more. They're so nice. I was gonna have one tonight.
And, uh, in the morning, the voice that, that resistance started to go, Hey, hypocrite. Hey, you fucking hypocrite. How about those cigars? Huh? You don't want anyone to know about those, huh? And I was like, I'll walk right over to. My pile of high-end, expensive cigars. I threw it in the trash. I said, fuck you. And he is like, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. You can't, you can't do that. You won't do that. I'm like, just, did you have zero leverage on me?
Zero. Whether he, and, and what he spoke was a lie. He spoke a lie. But I don't even give him a lie. I'm not even a lie. I'm like, okay, we're gonna go there. Call your bluff, bro. Never again. How's that motherfucker? Let's go.
So I'm open to any questions. I got two more thoughts if you want 'em, and then dude, hit
the thoughts. Okay. I'm gonna bring this back in because I, I'm selfish. I wanted to ask you a couple more. Okay. Chad's got a question though. Chad's a genius, so, okay, hang on. One more. You. Some pillars or stones or something that you wanted to share with us? Um, was that just, uh, like a, a saying I thought literally, have you written down like 10 things? Cause I'm in, I wanna know 'em all and we can save some of 'em when I come on your podcast, but I wanna, I wanna hear it. No,
I, I, I pretty much hit one of 'em. Most of 'em, the only one I didn't hit was the, a huge realization I had that I would've called myself an intentional father. And in a lot of ways I was intentional, but I came up with a new word. I realized that I wasn't really being as much of an intentional father as I thought I was really being more of a expectational father. So I was completing all these incredible moments with my family.
But when you're, when you're living an expectation, whether like it's a camp trip or a family meeting, or family dinner or whatever, if I'm expecting it to go a certain both look the same, right? Like, let's just pick a camp trip. You still have to plan, you still have to prepare. But if you go into it as an expectational father, you're never actually there. You're always on the sidelines watching it unfold. Let's go criticizing what's happening, hoping that it turns out the way you want.
So you're not like, when shit falls apart, you're not there enjoying it. You're just like, oh, well when I was a kid, this is how we did it. Or, oh, well, I thought it was gonna work out like this or, so then you're never there and, and you, you're there, but you're not there. Nobody's having a good time where an intentional father, he creates space and like most of your, my job is just create space. I still gotta plan, I still gotta prepare.
But then when we show up for family time, family meeting, family dinner, sports, whatever the thing is, then you just be there. You know, it's not gonna go to plan, but that's okay. You just created space for life and story to unfold. And that's where like the beauty of like being present is. And so that was a huge aha for me is, is to lean into being a truly intentional father, creating space for my family versus creating expectation. Holy smokes.
A intentional father builds space. And there was some other word you said, damnit. It was so, yeah. Essential father builds space for the story.
Well, I didn't say he unfold or something. He creates, he creates space like you and I we're creators we're supposed to create, and a lot of times we give all that shit to a job or a career or a hobby. Like I put all my creative energy into something else, not my home. I don't create space for my family. Like, dude, I'm goosebumps. I'm the one who creates space. This isn't about making my kids good or bad. This is about creating a safe environment for my family to experience life.
And, and you said something about working with your hands as a man. You, it's so cool. It's all connected. Like, creation
is selfless. You're dying, bro. If you're not creating, you're
dying. Yeah. Creation is selfless. I I, man, this is amazing. But if
you're creating, you can't just be creating for yourself. Like that is empty. No, no. That's empty. You gotta create value for other people.
Selfless. The artist is selfless. Man. That's beautiful.
You gotta just give it away. Give it away. And there's where the expectation comes away. Cause if, if I create a gift weekend for my family and they don't respond the way I want, and I'm just like, oh, you guys don't appreciate me. Like, they don't wanna be with me, they don't wanna be around me. They don't wanna follow me. Chris said it on the, the one of the things like, are you somebody like, would you follow you? Like, that shit was good.
Okay. We're gonna let Chad go in one moment. There was a, a question on creating space, which Chad's always tapped in, so I guarantee this is already probably what we were talking about. Okay. He just tells the future. Um, but Nick purchase here, Nick Purchase is wondering some of the tools that you use Ned to create that space. He says, what does that look like? I think what it say says, when you say planning to create that space, what does that look like for you? How are you doing that, Ned?
And then we'll let Chad go.
How am I, I track everything. So I could tell you like last year, this was a huge aha for me when I reviewed my statistics or my data from last year compared to the neighbor and a bunch of other people, I'm a great husband. I, I spent two and a half percent of my time with my wife and about 10% of my time on my fitness, that's some horseshit. So now I'm, I'm, it's June and I'm averaging eight and a half percent of intentional time with my wife.
But that means that I have to have metrics to look at. So like at the end of the week, I look at how much time that I spend. Now, I'll tell you that I think that this will transition for me because there is a difference between time and energy. So it's like, I, I might have to go to my job for 40 hours and I might have a commute that's 10 hours. Like that just might be my life. So I gotta think about what's the energy I'm putting into that versus the energy I'm giving to my wife and kids.
So, so it may not be a time for time thing. It might be more of an energy awareness, but um, you have to freaking reflect. Like if you're the captain of your ship, you better have a map that you freaking decided on. Okay? And then you better pull that thing out once a week, once a month and go, did last week, am I on track? Let's go. Yeah. Am I on course or we not On course. Otherwise, it's just like the storms, the waves, whatever, like you're just floating like that.
That ain't responsibility, bro. And if you have a wife and kids and a life and a heartbeat, you have responsibility. So you better pay attention to that. Otherwise you letting your boss, you letting your wife dictate that. Now your wife has a huge input. She knows shit you don't know. She's way wiser than you in a lot of areas. So acknowledge that and respect that and listen to that. But you've gotta lead, you've gotta make decisions, you've gotta take responsibility anyways.
And that comes, that goes back to the fights you were having, cuz that's the uncomfortable position you put yourself as a man because. Especially those guys that were like me, who didn't, were not in the leadership position for a long time. She will fight you. Sit in it, find your values, and be immovable and smile and love in response and watch what happens. All right, Chad, what you got dog?
What up Ned? Dude, let me just say like, um, I'm like sitting here super emotional cause I'm like, I don't, I don't think you understand the, the impact that this interview's had on me today. Mm. I got goosebumps. Like you, you, when you described this, uh, Gosh, I hope I don't wreck this car with my baby in it. Um, but when you describe, um, I had the insides, but I didn't have the outsides. My conscience told me the exact opposite. Let's go.
And like I know that now you guys might, you guys might look at me and be like, oh, I, you know, Chad, he hasn't figured out what's he talking about? Da da da da. Trust me. Trust me. I feel bankrupt sometimes inside. And then sometimes, like I look at the outside, I'm like, damn, I almost fooled myself that I had it figured out. Mm-hmm. And then I hear people like Ned and I listen to Kyle and I listen to you guys. I listen to Ryan, I listen to all of you, man. And I'm like, oh man. Shoot.
There is like, so many levels in the levels, you know what I mean? Like, there's all these levels in the levels and like what your interview is teaching me is, I, I, I thought of the word creator, like what Ned is, is he's a creator. And then literally 15, 30 seconds later, you said the word creator. And I'm like, damn. Yes dude, yes. That is so, so money. And then I thought about like, it's just incredible, man. Like, I was just thinking to myself like, Chad, you're not creating right now.
You're just doing, you're just doing stuff. You know what I mean? Like, there's no intention. There's not a rudder to your ship. Get your shit together, Chad. Like storms are coming. And dude, I, I love that story of Peter and I love that story of Jesus. And I wanna believe dude and with all my heart, when ge when Peter was falling in that water and Jesus pulled him out, I wanna believe he walked back to the ship with Jesus. You know, I wanna believe that. I don't know if it's true.
I don't think it even says, it's just kinda like, and Jesus, you know, pulled him up outta the water. And then it's like, what happened is, is the, the stories, both the stories, whatever it is that that is speaking to you, what, you know what I'm saying? So like, when there's just a bunch of white space, right? Yeah. It,
it's, it's what do you need outta that story? And so that story's gonna speak to people in different ways based on what they need and what God's trying to communicate to them. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Thank you. So, yeah. That, that dude, dude, I, I cannot wait. I'm watching you dude. Like a freaking hawk because I saw something that night. Wow. I wanna be n dude, shit. Uh, well here's the beauty of you saying that.
Like when you say that to me, I get a chill and then I go, they'll be a point where the words that come outta my mouth are that I'm gonna let you down, but it's not totally I'm gonna let you down. It's that I'm gonna need you. Right. So the thing is, is like if we are co-creators and we are men given responsibility, we can't put so much weight on one man. We put him up here and then our world crumbles.
When he crumbles, when he, when he starts to crumble, it's like, no, bro, we are here and I need you to help me. And that's why the freaking authenticity of putting all the darkness into the light. Doesn't make anybody on this call a guru doesn't make us perfect, doesn't make us good. It means that we need each other and there's gonna be days that I deliver a message that's good for you. Then there's gonna be days that I need a message so bad, and if you don't share it, then I'm missing out.
And I think that's one of the keys is if you're on this call, you have something to offer the tribe. And if you're not saying it, you're not offering it, then I'm losing out. That's true. You know what? You know what? Your most powerful thing to give to your brothers is your darkest truth. Ugh. We need that, bro. Help us. Help us be be true to ourselves by showing us strength. We love you. You can't disappoint us. We're here to catch you. And we know you're the same for us. We need you.
Wow. Indeed.
It's great to be able to be a leader and still be imperfect and be in alignment and, and it's worth saying over and over again, live the message that you teach, or at least speak the truth you're living, period. If you do that, you can lead men as an imperfect man.
How do you do that? As the leader, Kyle, you constantly push yourself. Yes, yes. You, you nev you constantly push yourself so you understand every other man that's pushing himself to claw out of the darkness. Yes. You invite the darkness back because you live in such a hard way. So you can empathize. Man, this is a good call. Damn. Alright.
Uh, I'm, I'm gonna, is there, is there anybody else? God, we got a lot of hands. Holy shit. Let's let it roll. I gotta get out and, and, uh, I'm gonna walk down. We're gonna play some pickleball with the family, but I'm,
I'm in, I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll go quick. So, Levi, hit it. What's up
man? I don't know if you remember me, but I met you at gym at the Yeah, bro. Remember it was crazy, bro. That's when I was first starting, you know, and, um, Listening to you, bro. Such a great inspiration. Just wanna say thank you, bro. And uh, I'm one of those porn addicts, those, um, fucking whacking at all time. Like, that's exactly why I'm in this group, man. Cause of that accountability. I couldn't, I thought I could hold myself accountable. There's no such thing, man.
I needed all of you guys. Juan community. Yeah man. And so I just wanna say, man, thank you, thank you, thank you to all the men and thank you. Thank you man. Cause I know this is your transformation. So my wife was like, oh, we were gonna go get some food. And I usually, I'm, I'm the one that gets out. Go get some food. She was like, you need to stay and listen to this. Mm-hmm.
I was like, yeah.
And now we're, we're at Costco, we're about go to Costco and we're just waiting here, bro, for the, the Zoom to be over. Cause it's just, it's amazing man. So many That's up Chris Nuggets. I mean, Ryan, sorry bro. Thank you.
Chris does too. All of us too. Okay, so, um, I actually forgot. I have a call cause So Kyle, bro, zoom might kick us off. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know. I'll make you host Kyle. Okay? I don't know. I, I got so much to do with moving and everything. Kyle, you're muted, bro.
Okay. All I'm gonna say is this, just in case it kicks you off, you can make Ned the co-host if everybody dies, so be it. But let's just, okay, perfect. Let's, let's just do this. Make sure everyone supports Ned in everything that he does. Go to his podcast, review it, watch, buy his book,
be part of what he's doing. Whatever.
Buy his book. Buy his journal like he has earned this. And he'll tell you he doesn't give a shit. But I'm telling you, let's support our people that lead us and show what's possible. That's all I'm gonna say.
Ned, I love you man. You have.
All my respect and I put you, I dude, I, I put your effort and your grit and your honesty on a pedal stool. Not
you. There you go. That thank you, bro. Right?
That's, that's what I need. I don't give a shit if you're perfect. I know you're not. We know we're not. But man, he's not gonna get us. The adversary will not get us when we're this honest and real, it's impossible. Love you guys. I'm out. I hope you enjoyed this transformation from Superhuman Fathers, and one thing I want you to know is that anyone can do this. Yes, even you. Go to superhuman fathers.com and apply for the Brotherhood right now.
Next Time on Super Human Fathers Transformation Podcast
Accountability. That's everything. Attending the Zoom calls, getting the, you know, sharing the mindset, you know, imbibing, selflessness, um, not being, you know, just challenging the thinking that it's all about you and what you want. I know that's, uh, you know, a way to, to destroy yourself and everybody around you.