Avoiding the Harm of the Mediocre Man with Jon Baker

If you're listening to this for the first time, or you're one of the brothers in the brotherhood, go leave a review on the podcast and let the brother or member know how amazing they did and how incredible their transformation was. I'm Kyle Carnahan, founder of Superhuman Fathers, and not only am I gonna change your life, I'm gonna get you ripped as fuck.

Yeah, but I'm like Yeah, like I'm shredded like I'm down I'm like 5 percent body fat But I still have this imposter syndrome a little bit because we were a smaller group and it's growing and I'm stepping into these shoes It's

And so at this point, I think it was Ryan Christiansen that had been posted Or was just about to be when you signed up. I can't remember if it was after or right before. Um, it was right around the Goggins challenge and I'm not a runner. I didn't even know that this existed. If you guys don't know what the Goggins challenge is, it's like you run four miles every four hours for 48 hours. It's like four, 48 miles or something. And I'm not, I don't run and I'm a weirdo.

And I was just like, I hadn't told anybody it was the night of starting it. I just heard about it that day. And I'm on the phone with John Baker, like our first call, you know, that the high school, you know, building this stuff and, and I just hear this energy on the phone and I just slips out. It just slips out like, I think I might do the Goggins challenge.

And he just was like, yeah, you know, like he's like, and I just right then I knew he was like my hype man, I had stepped in, he like confirmed like solidified my ability to just Not even coach, I don't even worry about just, but, but be together with you guys, and to, and to, and to step into that, like, I can lead here, I can do this, and so then I did it, and I, one of the reasons why I did it, and I did it around my apartment complex, by myself, just in freaking circles, was because of you,

John Baker, every single time I told you I was gonna do that, that night, I said, I'm doing it, after it came out of my mouth, I was like, Why did I just say that, you know? And I crushed it! I crushed it, man! Because of John Baker. And I bring that up because John inspired me just starting. He was still fat. Do you see what we do for each other? It wasn't so much that I was the coach. It was that he saw something special in me, and so in our group, this is what we do for each other.

Don't hesitate to throw out those compliments. Also, don't hesitate to take them and live up to them. If one of the guys says you're a savage, remember that early in the morning. John Baker said I was a savage. I'm a savage, right? Remember that when you're gonna have an argument with your wife. John Baker told me I'm a savage. What would he think? I know it sounds silly, but now, we have this moment, we have this moment to tell John Baker that. And it means everything.

You're a savage, John Baker. Thanks, bro. Love you, man. So, um, hell yeah. Welcome. And let's just,

I'm not inspiring anybody. I'm not inspiring myself. And I kind of said my prayer, left it there and The next day I texted, uh, my buddy Ryan Christiansen, who's a long time member of Superhuman Fathers, and just checked in with him and another buddy that we went to high school together with, and said, hey, let's, let's go grab lunch.

And so some of you have heard this story, but we went to this Chinese restaurant and you know, my fatness, I was just really excited to have Chinese food and get the meat sweats later. Um, so I'm looking at the menu all excited and my buddy Rob's excited, you know, like, what are we going to have? And I look across the table and Ryan Christiansen has this concerned slash studying look on his face. Like he's just trying to dissect. This menu and I'm like, Ryan, what's going on?

What's the problem? And he says, well, I just, I got to check and see how this food's cooked. And I got to check the nutrition facts. And I'm like, what? So that leads to him showing me his before and after picture, his steady progress. And, uh, one thing led to another. Basically, when I saw his progress, when I saw Brian Hirschbrunner's progress a year and a half ago, I was like, wow. I've been spinning my wheels.

I'd go to the gym like a lot of you, I'd go to the gym five, six days a week, call it good. The gym was a hobby for me. You know, nothing more. There was no progress. Um, but I, I felt like I had found the way, like the true way, right? So, but again, I'm skeptical like a lot of you, like, if you purchase products from Instagram, you know, or, but, but this one felt different. So, I was still trying to prove it out and see if it was, was legit.

And so, um, I, uh, I told Ryan, I'm like, Ryan, I'm all in, get me Kyle's contact info. And anyways, like, Hey, I let Kyle know that you're interested. And like not even an hour later, Kyle calls me and we have this inspiring discussion, like, you know, I shared with him, dude, I'm struggling. And it was funny because you can tell like he cared, but he also, he wasn't going to dwell on that. It was. It was incredible.

Like he, he showed love, but he was also like, okay, let's go, let's just get going. And so we started and I paid, I jumped all in. And, uh, anyway, he's like, Hey, my, my brother, Ryan's going to call you. Get your nutrition dialed. So that was the second call that I thought, well, let's see when Ryan calls me. Like not even an hour later, Ryan texts me, calls me, gets my nutrition dialed, and that's when he shares that he's going to run the Goggins Challenge.

And I was like, holy freaking crap, this group is legit. Like it just, right then and there, I just decided I'm going all in. I'm not going to let these guys see me fail. I don't care how long this takes. I'm gonna go all in and when I first started guys, it was a secret. I didn't share it with my wife, my kids, I just wanted to, I thought, you know, like, I'll start and like some of these guys, I'll get just shredded in 60, 70 days.

And, uh, first of all, I couldn't keep that secret because they saw that I was eating like a weirdo, you know, but, um, anyway, I shared it with my wife and, um, that's, that's how I got started and it's been just a huge, huge blessing, answer to prayer, um, it doesn't matter where you're at on the religious scale, I believe that if you reach out to that higher power, Anybody on this call can get an answer to a prayer. Anybody.

Um, if I got my answer, I truly believe that anybody else can get an answer, or answers for themselves. Um, but, that, that's how I got started, and my life's just taken off since then. It's just been great. So. Hell yeah.

But failure, guys, like we may slip, we may fall, but we won't fail as long as we don't give up, you know, and that's where I'm where my mindset has changed. Like, I've looked at all these aspects of my life being a father. I'm a father of four ages 11 to 15 months.

You know, um, two boys, two older boys, two younger daughters and, or in my marriage, like in work, everything where there's a struggle, I've, I've likened it to the squat rack and back when I was overweight, I remember I'd do squats maybe once every two weeks. You know, and, but I was a big guy. I love doing chest. Chest was like, you know, that's, that's where my ego was like, heck yeah, I just did two plates. Heck yeah, I just, I just bench pressed two plates three times. What?

You know, like, just stupid. Um, but anyway, I hated squats and to me, the squat rack represented so much of when there's, when Chris has on your workout, six sets, And you want to stop at four or you want to stop at three, you're leaving so much on the table and we do that in life. We want to stop at three sets. When a discussion with our wife starts to really get under our skin, you know, really cutting to our core or at work when you're just.

When you're stressed out of your mind or you're not getting where you want to be, you just want to avoid the conflict, you know, whatever that squat or squat rack might represent your life. Um, I've learned since being in Supreme and Fathers, one of the biggest mindset shifts for me is to stay in the squat rack to keep going because that's where there's power that's found. That's where you find your true self in a lot of ways.

And one of the times that I was struggling in this program, I remember, um, you know, when Ryan reaches out on Sunday and says, you know, give me your weekly report. And I remember I, I wrote back to him and said, dude, I'm, I'm really in the mud, really struggling, um, just mindset, super low. And I remember getting a video text back from Kyle and he just, again, he didn't excuse me for feeling that way, but he said, you have to sit. In your pain, sit in your pain.

And how often do we sit when we do squats? Do we sit and just feel the pain in our quads? You know, do we slow our breathing in anyway? It was just, it was just perfect for me. And, uh, anyway, so I would say the biggest has been just the mindset shift. to sit in there and just really appreciate the discomfort, the pain. Um, before I started Superhuman Fathers, I would do, uh, five minute cold showers.

You know, I really got into that, and I remember a buddy of mine that's a therapist, um, works with a lot of, uh, ex military.

Helping them with PTSD and just a lot of struggles after war and he says, you know, one of the one of the approaches is we we teach them to to lean in to the pain that they're experiencing lean into the discomfort and, uh, he's like, honestly, cold showers is one of the things that we teach them that has an option for them to to look into and so I started to lean into this cold. I mean, you guys know that have been doing these plunges.

But, um, before, it was January before I started Superhuman Fathers in March, but for the entire month of January, where it's, it's just, it just looks cold, feels cold outside here in Utah, where I'm from. And I just thought of that, I'm like, just lean into the pain, embrace it. And it's almost like I was being prepared for something greater, which was Superhuman Fathers in March.

My mindset was changing, you know, but sorry, I'm kind of rambling and forgive me guys, if I'm preaching, I just part of a part of my story, I wanted to, I wanted to help you guys in any way that I can, and even post this call, like shoot me a message on Instagram through the app, or even text me, if I can be of any help to any of you guys.

Any, any of your struggles like happy to do it because there's been heat just crazy power in this community for me I I love the weekly calls on Monday mornings just straight fire every single week So anyway,

And then I realized that I, and Ryan, we talked about this, I don't know if you remember, but I told you that one, that one point that I hit this point guys, where It felt like everybody around me didn't give a shit anymore, that I was losing, that I was getting into the shit. I remember this conversation. Nobody cared. And so at that point, I had to dig deep and find a better, stronger why. And, and I kind of, my mind kind of went back to when I ran my second marathon.

And I ran past, it was like mile 21. I'm just in so much pain. And I ran past the parking lot where I'd parked my truck. It was a Salt Lake City marathon. And I had the keys in my pocket and I could have just, you know, ran to my truck, but I kept going cause I thought I can't let my loved ones be at the finish line and then get a phone call from me saying that I couldn't finish, that I quit. And so I thought of my family, my boys. What this would mean to them.

If I can help them, I thought of the people in my neighborhood that have been watching me. And I, the, the approach, the motivation had to go from a selfish, all about me to it's serving others around me as weird as that sounds, I know we've gone through this, but how lifting weights and consistency, you guys doing your bonus burns, even on this call, like you have no idea the ripple effect that that's going to cause.

I mean, Brian Hirschbrunner, his ripple effect, he was clear out in Colorado, I hadn't seen him for 20 years, and then I saw his post, and I'm like, holy crap, and his

It has to be an unselfish why if you want to finish this thing strong. So, that was the motivation, Ryan, that has caused me to lean in and continue to lean into the discomfort. Because, even if, if, if, when you get posted, Man, other things start to surface that you need to work on, that you can use the same methodology that kept you dialed into Supreme Fathers. You can use that same methodology into your finances, your marriage, those business ideas that you have, everything. It's incredible.

Beautiful.

And when I told her how much I spent for the program, she was like, wait, what, you know, because I think deep down she thought he's not going to finish this, you know, um, but to answer your question directly, Ryan, like, At first, you know, when I lost 10 pounds, you know, it was, oh yeah, you look great. You know,

She trusts me, you know, that's, that's a huge win for me because I, it takes a lot as weird as it sounds guys, but it takes a lot for you to earn and keep the trust of your wife and your kids takes a huge consistent effort and in a weird way, like, thankfully, they're our biggest critics. Because if we see it for what it is, it keeps us dialed and focused and we won't let up.

And I think that's why, uh, what, what Kyle, a lot of his videos of like the one, even when he, he and his wife, I think his wife Whitney posted it, but how they had gotten into a fight and she apologized quickly, you know, they, they just, they're so dialed consistently and it's such a solid example for each of us. You know, but my wife trusts me, my in laws trust me now, like these are huge wins guys, for me personally, so, um.

in his transition into this dependable man, or so we like to say.

And I think when, when our loved ones see that this is who we are now, that they understand truly what the non negotiable means to you, then maybe, at least in my case, the frustration, and in some cases, the resentment, respect replaced each of those, you know, and so, um, and this, this also goes with like, You know, you mentioned finances and other things like that. Like, we're all in a place today where we'd rather not be.

We want to be in a better place, whatever that might be, guys, and I'm, I'm hopeful that what you're doing today will have the similar impact that it's having on me currently today, which is to not be fearful to look at things that you haven't wanted to look at for forever, to You know, lift up the rug and see what you've been hiding under there for years, you know, but to have the courage to really dig deep and, and turn yourselves inside out, you know, clean that garage.

It's just been nasty for years. I had a hoarder dad growing up and the, the anguish that he would show by just holding onto the stuff and just the messes that would pile up. I've seen physical representations of just a sad man inside.

You know, I love my dad, but I, I, in a weird way, I was blessed with a dad that showed me what not to be, you know, and that's, that's kind of been my, um, kind of my personal, like struggle, but just constant reminder, you know, of how much damage a mediocre man can do.

Uh, the mediocre man is totally fine going to the gym three days a week, but on his way home, he's going to stop at Burger King, you know, like, I mean, there's so many examples, you guys, we all have that mediocre voice in our head. That's like. That's constantly there. And even for those of us that, um, that have been posted, you know, I think the idea is for a lot of guys starting, I just have to get posted and that'll be good.

You got to dig deeper than that because that mediocre voice, that fake self is always, always in your ear constantly, so we can do a ton of damage, but if we're focused, if we're dialed, if we're goal oriented, service oriented, we can do so much good.

And so I actually, this is kind of a funny story, but, um, and Ox can probably relate. Here in Utah, we play, we play a lot of church ball, right? And the joke is, is that it's the, it's a war that starts with a prayer. So both teams, you know, gather center court, we pray, it's church ball. And then after the prayer ends, it's battle. And so last Thursday, um, I had a moment that I'm not fully proud of.

And, uh, this, this guy on the other team, the biggest guy on their team, biggest body, was, he was the biggest bitch, you know? And I just, I, I wanted to just give him something to, I don't know, I just.

And it bothered me because he was picking on our two youngest guys, and I just, I don't, I mean, you guys, we see a ton of potential in each other, and we also have those guys in our circle of influence where we see a lot of potential, but they give in to their fake selves, their mediocre selves, right, way too much, and this guy, here he was like, he had a ton of potential to be an example, to not run his mouth, you know, like, And he was, it's just, it's crazy to me that he was the biggest guy

with, that was just being the biggest baby, you know, so I, yeah, so I stepped in there and I gave him some actual fouls, you know, to really just ruffle his feathers and, uh, but I, I stepped in to defend my, the two guys on my team and these two guys, they're the youngest kids, they're 19, you know, and they were trying their hardest, but I just, I wanted to defend them and show, like, even if I'm smaller than this guy, I'm not going to back down, you know, and I have a real struggle with guys

that are just, they're just pussies, you know, like, man up, I don't know about you guys, but it reminds me of what I used to be, and that's why it gets under my skin when I see this, it's like, when I talk to guys about joining super, superhuman fathers, And the, the excuses that I hear, I just want to shake them like, do you have any idea, you know, and so my frustrations came out of this church ball game and I just, I pushed this dude, you know, and I said, that's an actual foul, you know,

and so I don't know I brought that up other than like, it just, like, it gets, it gets, it gets to me when I, when I see guys that are just, Just always complaining, you know about external stuff that I don't know anyway take that for what you want guys I just so

You just have to so I Yeah, that's that is awesome. So you said something earlier to John About service and so I kind of want to dig in there And it might be all related, but how is it, how is, how do you spin on every negative situation this ability to make it about service? That's what I hear when you're saying these things, how are you able to do that? What does that look like in your mind? And I didn't prep you for that question either. So, you know.

Because it ain't shitty, it is something bad that happened to you, what is your strategy to be able to make it about others so that you can stay in that selfless mindset? You said, it's about everybody else, that's why you're able to keep going. So I'm kind of looking for that, like, how do you catch yourself from being selfish in those bad situations when you have an excuse to, I guess.

They hear you, Ryan, Chris, Mike and team, and Ox are leading from the front, like, if you guys could see Ox work out, and then when Ox gets on and talks about Superhuman Fathers, like, that's, that's as genuine as you're gonna find, because this guy is, I've never seen anybody work out like the Ox does.

And, and that's the mindset that I'm trying to have is to put myself in a position to lead and the moment that I give into my fake self or if I lose my cool and I'm not quick to apologize and make things right. I'm putting myself out of position to be the leader I'm supposed to be, you know, and frankly, the moment that I lose my shit, like I did in the church ball game, I felt like I let you guys down. And so it goes back to that community of leaders.

That it's like, oh my gosh, you know, I got to make things right and, uh, anyway, so it's just constantly Ryan being aware of what we stand for in this group and what it means and what we're trying to achieve, but always being and putting in ourselves in a position to truly lead, not by title, but by example,

You know what I mean? Um, so you, you kind of, you see the ones that are a little bit more genuine and those are the ones that you really want to spend. Dissecting all this. It's kind of that, you know, don't cast your pearls before swine kind of a thing. Um, but, but yeah, just, just being out there, you know, um, and being being active, like, um, but yeah, a lot of people saw just, uh, you know, whether it's from church.

Um, me having an extra long belt, you know, but being approachable to like, um, the tough part though, Ryan is like the one guy that I want to ask me is so freaking stubborn and he's, he was one of my big whys of why I dug my heels into this and that's my older brother. He's the guy that says. No, I'm just born with a big chest.

Not much I can do with it, you know, just the excuses and I'm like, Dave, you know, and so, um, I'm really sorry that I don't have like the direct answer for you, but just, just to be confident and be ready to, to answer any questions. There are guys at the gym that are watching you, you know, um, and I think a lot of what the guys in this group have shared recently of.

Not hesitating to share your progress on social media, on Instagram, but, um, and you know, you'll, you'll kind of get a feel for what's too aggressive, but what feels more genuine to what, to what you do and who you are. So you'll find that, um, but go out and do stuff that stretches you like, you know, go out so that here's another thing that I did is I, I did, uh, a couple sprint triathlons. And initially that scared me to death.

I've shared with Josh, like, I, I fight the water, you know, but I was like, look, I can do this and I'm going to show that. This is a goal that I've had and I'm going to commit to it, you know, Ryan, you even shared to like, put yourself out there, what you've committed to, put that on Instagram and show that with the world and show them that you'll commit to it and you'll deliver, you know, so I showed that I signed up for a sprint try, and then I showed having completed it, you know,

Do you make them feel like they can do anything?

Start from day one, I would have the three non negotiables, one being your diet, your nutrition, two, your workouts go until failure, and then three, you have to do bonus burns and stay active, you know, plan your day out, go, go for a walk with your family, but see, I, my, my cardio used to be when I was preparing for a marathon, I would go run 10 miles, but that was, counterintuitive because I would lose muscle, you know, and so I needed to really tone down the, uh, the volume of my cardio and

just be consistent, but I didn't do that. And I think part of why my process took as long as it did, um, one of the reasons was because I wasn't as dedicated to the bonus burns.

That was kind of like a, the cherry on top when in reality it should have been for me specifically a must, so, um, but yeah, when Ryan to kind of answer your question too and, um, I, when I, when I passed 100 days, yeah, maybe I felt bad for myself like a little bit, but again, like, um, I think it's Kais, but he kept saying in the chats, this is the way, and that would just ring in my head, you know, And I told myself time and time again, no matter how long this takes, I'm not giving up.

Because what am I going to go back to? Keto? Intermittent fasting? No. You know? So, I just told myself that I'm going to stay in this, no matter what. And I promised myself that I would not quit on Kyle and Ryan from day one. So, I stuck to that. Even though they probably thought I quit because I went a little dark for a little bit, but... I just, I had to go to my dark place, because I really had to dig deep, guys.

I didn't expect to go below 160, and then when I hit 150, that's like junior high weight for me. So, anyway.

And so Ryan, I totally ignore your app, man, because. It was always going to be one more week. And then I'd send a picture to Ryan when like I thought my abs were popping. I thought everything was good. And Ryan told me, almost there, almost there. And so it was like running this ultra marathon where this... finish line just kept moving.

And, you know, I, there were times to be honest that I started to, and I'm, I'm embarrassed to say in a way, but I started to like the fake me, especially started to resent a little bit Ryan and Kyle. Like they didn't, they weren't paying attention to my progress and Ryan, I haven't shared this with you, but, but then I, but then I would get these messages from Ryan and Kyle, these personal messages, voice messages.

And then it was a reminder that like, there's true brotherly love in this group, guys. And, and I would say I was embarrassed because I was so wrong. Like, they do care. And it's not, they're not in this to make money, even though they're being successful with this. They're in it to help. Help us be better. And I truly felt that. And, um, anyway, so that was probably my biggest hurdle was towards the end, just getting to that last little bit.

And, but I also appreciated, and I've said this a few times on here, but having someone in your life that will tell you that you're not quite there. Um, I value that in Ryan and Kyle, um, to say, no, dude, you can do better than that because I, I've always had like.

Very passive aggressive, uh, people in my family, like never really tell it to me straight to my face, you know, and, um, granted until I married my wife, she's good at that, but to have another man like Ryan and Kyle tell me, meant the world, even as painful as it is. Like you got to sit in the pain and take it, take it for what it is. So

Small group here locally to help guys because now I'm accountable to eight guys as well that are looking for looking to me just like I look to Ryan and Kyle initially, you know, and so I'm now accountable to those guys that are just starting.

And so a lot of this, um, um, motivation for them to dig deep when they get into the mud, I've got to help show them, not tell them, but really show them through my example, you know, and so it's kind of cool, like, when I, when I did that triathlon, um, and to share just when I finished with them, you know, just that alone kind of helped spark. Motivation in the group, you know, and so it's kind of cool to see that and just the little prog your

And so we won't be able to do that in trainer eyes, obviously, but it's coming very soon. And so it's, it's going to help you so much when you get to that point when you're like, okay, now what? It'd be like, Oh, well I gotta take care of the men. You know, it's beautiful. Great question. Evan, hit it. Hey, I got these new headphones.

Um, but, with my boys, uh, specifically, you know, they got in a little bit of a rut after COVID, and my oldest gained some weight, and so that was one of my whys to stay in this, to help him, um, and, uh, to, to really motivate him by example, right, but, um, it, it's a work in progress with, with my, my two boys, I think, in particular, because, I can be really hard on them.

And so now that I'm accountable to this group and I've been accountable now for over a year, I really tried to be quick to apologize. And, uh, now that I've, I've actually changed, uh, you know, because I think when I first started this. It was, I was, it was a little bit like, it's all about me kind of a thing. And, um, when I first started, right. But now that I've kind of expanded my focus, I've really started to focus on their development. And I get so much fulfillment watching them play.

Like I just got them into this, uh, competitive seven on seven football and where they, where they get coached by some college athletes and I love it, you know, and so we have those bonding moments, but one of the biggest things, Evan, is when I do lose my cool with them, that I'm quick to apologize. Because I grew up with a dad that didn't really apologize. And I think that one thing is a big name changer.

If, if we own up to our mistakes and show our kids that we're not perfect, but that we're really trying, you know, and then with my wife, that's another, that, uh, we've, we've had some. Tough discussions, you know, about our future plans and we're just, we're really trying to find that right alignment for us, you know, and I talked about the squat rack, the squat rack for me is this.

Staying in those, those discussions, it can be really rough, you know, really raw and, uh, just, just hanging in there, you know, so, but there, there's more to come with that. Like, it's, it's certainly a challenge, you know, but these are really, really good questions that I continue to dissect and figure out for sure.