Wondering Through Life: From Soccer Fields to Remote Controls

Familiar Wilson's Media Relationships are the story . You are made of meat , my friend , all the way down . The following podcast uses words like and and also . If you're not into any of that shit , then now's your chance .

Three , two , one run . Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons . I'm super familiar with the Wilson's . Get it . Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilson's . I'm Amanda .

And I'm Josh Amanda . We are on day 13 of the Wilson fundraising drive . Phone lines are now open If you too would like to join hundreds and hundreds of our other listeners in contributing to the success and welfare of the Wilson family .

I have seen no returns . Are you hoarding all of the fundraising ?

No , your birthday's coming up and it's all to be a big surprise .

All right , keep sending money my way , then , friends .

Since we last spoke to

Oh , do we have to .

Forget it . Let's do a silly quiz and then get out of here and screw sharing our lives with these people .

No , it's just . Soccer is sad right now . No , just start with my birthday then that's how oh that was fine . I wasn't talking about your birthday . You said soccer and we'll start there , and that's why I was like that's that's setting us off on a depressing tone . But you had a birthday .

And your birthday is coming up , but I bring that up to talk about this . My wife , ladies and gentlemen , is one of the most sensitive , caring people in the world , and the way that she shows her love for people is doing stuff for them or buying stuff for them .

Gifts and acts of service . These are my love languages . Yeah , I love it .

My love language is a pat on the butt and I thank you very much .

Words of affirmation and physical touch . That's what you meant .

Sure , whatever . But yeah , we had some folks over and the reason why I wanted to bring this up is just an acknowledgement of , as I age , I'm becoming a little less crusty .

Nice .

Meaning I bathe more , a little less curmudgeonly and a little more willing to let people in . Better late than never . And so it was lovely just to sit around with friends and eat at our dinner table , and even though the chair upon which I sat broke midway through the the dinner doesn't matter .

I had a great time the thing is you never told anybody it broke . Like the next day you're like , yeah , that broke . I mean , to be fair , it had already broken and you had repaired it . So it wasn't like the weight of you broke it , it just your repair job wasn't super solid .

Well , no , the weight of me did break it . This is one of those things where I put off fixing it because I really didn't know how to fix it . And it's a very nice higher chair , but the seat , the actual seat itself , just the plank of wood is like particle board and it had broken last week and I said , yeah , yeah , I'll fix it , it'll be easy .

You really needed a saw that you could cut , like plywood or something right .

No , I have a saw that can cut plywood . But I have a saw that can cut plywood . It's like the saw blade is very large , toothed .

I'm just like you and um Rob Beckett , not me .

Just like Rob Beckett , and it wouldn't be good for that fine type of work . I would end up taking a piece of wood home using the saw on it , and then there'd be splinters .

Oh yeah .

And that's a different kind of chair that that we do not want . Yes , what I ended up doing was taking one of the lids to one of our plastic containers out in the garage and destroying it and then gluing it to the three .

Oh my God , I did not know , this is what you did .

Gluing it to the four different pieces of the chair figuring . Oh , that'll hold it .

What made you think it would ?

It did for half of the dinner .

Yes , oh Lord .

Is it good that I didn't tell you that beforehand .

I mean , yes , and I also thank you for being the one to sit upon it and not give it to one of our guests .

Well , of course I wasn't going to do that . So anyway , we had a lovely time , it was nice to have friends over , and all of that is to say I'm very evangelical right now about us getting together with our friends instead of deciding , oh , it's too comfortable not to . Well , that's great until you're 98 laying there with no friends .

Oh , that's really sad . Yeah , it is isn't it ?

So no , you need to encourage yourself to make relationships grow that you've had for a while , and then make new relationships , and there you go . So that's my birthday .

It was really lovely . I was very proud of all the food I made . Everything turned out great . But I will tell you , though , that I was feeling the 11 pm bedtime the next day in the red wine , like I'm not .

And let me just tell you me being to bed early is not a function of age . I've always wanted just to go to sleep early . That's always been a thing that I've tried to do . There's a period of time where I was going downtown and spending time downtown where I'd stay up super late . It was never good for me , Never left me at my best .

I was before I met you , because you've always been a late I mean an early tucker in her . I don't know how to say that . Tuck , Do you ?

tuck . No , I do not tuck . So just a brief word on the soccer Saturday that we had . Yesterday Winthrop's team lost like six

No , it was four to one .

Yesterday when we were watching the game , we sat at the end of one of the goals , like on the goal side , and we sat back because it was shady and we wanted to do that Instead of sitting on the sideline , pretty much in the middle , right up on the action , which is what we've done thus far , and at first I was a little annoyed that you wanted to sit in

I told you you did not have to sit with me .

But then I realized that the further away the game was , the less I cared what happened on the field .

Oh , okay .

So it was a good thing , because they got absolutely smashed .

Is that why you kept getting up from your chair and walking over to the sideline ?

Well , yeah because I had an option to come back when I was starting to get agitated again . So that's perfect . The further away I am from something , the less it bothers me which actually kind of reinforces my avoidant behavior .

Let's dive into that one a little bit .

Well , yesterday we played a very good team with a person on it that I feel should probably go pro yeah , I mean , that's how good this kid is and so we weren't gonna win . And I knew we weren't gonna win . So my job as a parent was to make sure that Winthrop didn't care .

Yeah .

Well , but he's starting to care about the winning and the losing , and the joy of soccer is starting to leave his bones .

Well , okay , so here I actually need some advice here , and this is aimed at the Belsons or anybody else who's played the footy or a team sport .

Or any other parents out there , let's ask . Let's rely less on Dan Belson for parenting advice and more on the parents out there , please .

Dan Belson , I'm happily here because you , though , were in Winthrop's shoes , and so I'm asking about how you were parented . So excuse my husband's very limited view of your expertise .

No , I think it's pretty realistic .

Okay , hush . So anybody who has played have you played a team competitive sport or do you parent children who played a team competitive sport ? We had this experience with Muffy , but she danced competitively on a dance team and that's different . That's a whole different ballgame right ?

It's because they won more than they lost , although they did lose last season .

They did and he was okay and they lost . I mean this is now our fourth game , right , they lost the first two games . They tied last week , they lost yesterday and that's starting to get to him . I mean he didn't want to go yesterday . My stomach hurts , but one thing we know about him when we get there he has a really good time , like he wants to go .

Apropos of nothing , on January 6 , 1994 , nancy Kerrigan , an American figure skater , was struck on the lower right thigh with a baton by assailant Shane Stant as she walked down a corridor at Cobo Arena in Detroit . Kerrigan had been practicing skating on an ice rink in the arena shortly beforehand .

Are you comparing my wanting the child to develop some skills with Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan ? Because that's absolutely ridiculous .

No , I'm saying that I would never condone doing anything to a child , but maybe we got to take out a couple of these opposing coaches .

Oh okay , sorry , I didn't realize you were planning . I thought you were like here's what happens if you get competitive . Please stop , you can't take out any of the coaches .

I'm not condoning hitting anyone with anything . I'm basically a pacifist , but I'm not above giving someone like a chocolate donut that is coated with chocolate favorite Exlax or something . Yeah , if you're not Because the restrooms at the field are really far away and they're really gross too , so no one wants to be lingering there for a while .

No , you can't , that's not okay . But maybe we should not have him enroll in the beginner league anymore , because flat out kid we played yesterday should not be in the beginner league , like that just isn't a thing . So maybe we need to do the intermediate level , not saying advanced , but where people are trying a little bit more .

All right . So parents out there or Belsons , let us know what you think . What do you think we should do ? Familiarwilsons at gmailcom . Amanda , it's been a while since we've had our segment called Wilson Wanderings .

Oh , yes , are

I am wondering , I wonder a lot of things . Why are there flower designs on toilet paper ?

That's a really good question . Are we supposed to equate the cleaning of our bottoms with , like lovely spring days ?

Maybe it's that in ancient times they used to use flowers and not leaves to clean themselves up . Okay , all right . Next one Is it true that scissors feel more trustworthy in elementary school colors ?

I don't think that it's elementary school colors . I think the blade's hard and sharp . Silly boy . Although , by the way , winthrop cut his hand today using big boy scissors like our , our regular scissors . Like , it's okay , I can do it and just cut right into his palm what color were they ?

red . Oh well , okay primary color that yeah , but blood are croutons , just vintage bread yes , and they're yummy . Why is there no Olympic event for sneezing multiple times in a row ?

Because you would win it . If there was an Olympic event for the decibel level , people hit when they sneeze you would win it .

Listen , this is a thing that I cannot help , and I had to fire someone for making fun of me for how loud my sneezing was .

I'm sorry what .

No , not really . They make fun of me for my sneezes all the time in the office .

Because there's so loud . You can control a sneeze , you can .

No , you can't .

Friend , I do . I can control my sneeze . When you're asleep in bed and I have to sneeze , you hold the bridge of your nose or push your tongue up on the top of your mouth and you don't sneeze .

Oh , okay , that is the most ridiculous thing that I've ever heard there . Cinderella , listen , if I were to try to hold my sneeze back at the force and volume , like my eyes would pop out the first time , and then things would explode . The spleen would shoot out of my armpit or something . Can't have it .

Have you always sneezed this loudly ?

Yes .

I can't help it . I mean like , even as , like a teenager . Yes , okay , go ahead .

Why does every laundry room feel slightly haunted ?

Because it's the ghost of all the damn socks that have lost their soulmates .

If a rolling stone gathers no moss , why do ceiling fans gather dust when they're spinning ?

Fair point . I want an air purifier .

Okay , why .

Because it's supposed to keep the dust from building up in my room and all the commercials show me ceiling fans with no dust on them yeah , that's definitely why there's no dust .

Why do hangers multiply when I'm not looking for one , but disappear when I need one ? That's a good point too why do children's band-aids work better emotionally than medicinally ?

Unless you're .

Winthrop and you hate sticky things and don't want band-aids on you when you need them . Why do we instinctively hold our breath ?

when we're thinking too hard . I don't know that . I do that . What do you mean ?

This is a thing that everyone does . Everyone does this .

Well , you've polled the whole world . I don't know , listeners , do you hold your breath when you're thinking too hard ?

Yes , they do . By the way , we bought lottery tickets last night for my birthday and did you check ? And I have not checked them yet , so we're going to have to check them here . Why do folded towels feel morally superior to unfolded ones ? Because why do folded towels feel morally superior to unfolded ones ?

Because they're clean and they're fresh out of the dryer and no one's throwing them on the ground . And then picked them back up and hung them on something .

You know , I prefer , like taking my towel that I've used once , by the way , and hanging it back up .

I have no problem with that . I don't think you should reuse a towel every time . I do think they should be washed once a week , but I'm mostly speaking to the fact that when Winthrop gets out of the shower , he just will drop his towel wherever he feels like it , and then I find them all amongst the house .

I have no problem with drying with my towel , hanging it up and then like have that be my towel for the next couple of weeks without Couple weeks is pushing it . No , it's like an old friend . Listen , I feel judged when I wash right and I go to get a towel and it's a new , clean towel , like , oh , you think you're better than me .

The towel , or me for putting out the clean towels .

No , the towel Okay . Why does the word ointment feel like it was invented by accident ?

It was invented by a pig .

Why are pen caps usually single-use plastic ?

Yeah , do people have pen caps anymore ? Because I don't think they all just click now .

There are most definitely BICs that have pen caps that I guess are part of the packaging , because I always lose them , always , always , always . They are somewhere , but I don't know where they are . Why don't stairs also have emergency stop buttons ? Listen , you need that . You know what an emergency stop button on an escalator is right .

Yes , but it stops the thing , so you don't get sucked into the mechanism .

No one is concerned that you're going to get sucked into the mechanism . This is not why there are emergencies .

Yeah , it's just . Your foot starts to go into the treads . How small is your foot ? Very small . Have you seen my foot ?

You'd have to have a little foot like an action figure . Gi , Joe is trapped again , and where's the emergency stop button ?

Or if your pant leg gets stuck in it .

It's not a thing that happens . Anyway , you you of all people need stairs to have emergency stop buttons , because you are constantly falling down the stairs .

You fell down last . Huh , you fell down last week , so you were the last person to have fallen down the stairs . All right , we're moving on . What does an emergency stop button on the stairs do ? They still person to have fallen down the stairs . All right , we're moving on . How ? What does an emergency ?

stop button on the stairs , do it just , they still stay stationary .

No , you would stop falling then if it would have to put up a gate oh there's an idea , a little net , call it the amanda stair net like the firefighters bring when you need to jump out of a building .

Yeah , why are there no bear-flavored gummy grapes ? That's dumb . Why do trash cans often smell worse after you've emptied them ?

I mean for real , though , because it has the lingering smell of all of the trash bags that have ever existed in that trash can .

You know what else . Now we get these bins from the city , right . So I don't know if we're allowed to do anything , but really all of your bins should have holes on the bottom for when it rains and it fills it up , so that you just don't get that soup of just dreck and nastiness there .

Yeah , I don't know , same with Christmas lights .

Why does my experience at a drive-thru always feel like they're giving me a quiz ? I didn't study for .

Because it's just more options than you were bargaining for .

It's so stressful . It is so stressful and I guess I should already know what I want . You know what they need to have . They need to have as a part of your app . If you're driving up to a drive-thru and you're waiting in a line especially if it's a longer line and you have not yet seen the menu , that it'll just .

Well , if you click on the Chick-fil-A app , it does that Like frequently ordered meals . It will tell you .

Okay , well , but I've already mentioned that . Chick-fil-a was the first thing that came to mind , but I don't ever want to go to Bird King . I'm quite certain the Bird King , but they need to . Let's put AI to actual use . Let's not use AI to take over for writers and artists . Let's task AI to sorting us out when we're going through fast food drive-thrus .

My God , it does Like so convincingly 80% chance of rain , 0.1 inches , 60 degree cooling down , and then it's dry and deserty and 95 degrees .

Yeah , welcome to Florida . All right , so there's some Wilson wonderings . Do you have wonderings ? Let us know . Familiarwilsoncom that music tells us it's time for the news

No .

The bridge was unable to be opened until the control system was reprogrammed in 2014 . So this is the Sean O'Casey Bridge in Dublin , ireland , a pedestrian swing bridge over the river Liffey or Liffey , I'm not certain which was unable to open for maritime traffic for approximately four years due to a lost remote control .

My question was going to be is it an Apple TV remote ? Because then I understand .

Let me . I doubt it was that small . Those things go all the time it was constructed in 2005 . It says the remote , described as being about the size of a 1990s era mobile phone , was misplaced .

Oh , that's big .

Yeah , budget constraints delayed the development of a replacement .

What ? Can't you just go to Best Buy and get that ?

Yeah , universal remote . It's got the big buttons .

Yeah , yeah , yeah , not losing that shit .

But I don't understand how intricate this remote had to be to signal like basically , open or close . It's an AB switch , open or close . What the hell did they need to do ? I don't know , it's an A-B switch , open or close . What the hell did they ?

need to do .

I don't know . Eventually , in 2014 , an Irish firm reprogrammed a new remote control at the cost of approximately $1,800 .

Again , that's not much , friends Like that's not four years worth of budget constraints .

Well , maybe it is . I don't know what the Dublin Docklands Development Authority , what their budget's like .

If you get somebody to pay you $100 a month , you got that thing fixed in a year and a half .

Yeah , but they had to spend money on , I don't know , potatoes or Baileys or something I don't know . Anyway , this highlights the challenges of relying on single points of failure . In any system , One thing happens bad and then your whole thing is screwed Not a great idea .

Right A switch . I can even turn my TV on and off at the TV .

Yeah , oh go , humans , we're the best .

Yay , yay . We're the best , yay , yay .

It's save the date time . No , I don't mean Amanda's birthday coming up here in May . I mean May 8th is National Josh Day .

Why is it ? Does it mean joshing like hitting somebody ? Like we're all supposed to go around joshing people ?

No , no , no , it's an occasion where individuals named Josh are celebrated .

We just celebrated you this whole week .

I know me as a specific Josh , but then now we're widening the circle and celebrating like General Joshes .

Okay , General Josh Day , May 8th .

Send me flowers , contribute to our fun drive . If you give a donation today to the Wilson Fundraising Drive , just send it to me . I will make sure that come Josh Day , fun things will happen . I'll have a fun time .

What will you do ? You will have a fun time , but how ? How does this benefit the listeners for sending ?

you money , I'll get a new remote for our cantilevered bridge . There you go . What time is it Game time ? Who ?

That song means it's game time and we haven't had a flashbacks in a while . So , Josh , are you ready for a flashbacks ?

For all of our new listeners , the influx of people listening from Antarctica and Spain and Uruguay , please let them know what flashbacks is .

The flashbacks is a quiz by the New York Times .

Not a sponsor .

No , but they can if they want In which they give us I think it's eight events in history and Josh has to figure out where they go on a continuum of time before and after each other . It's going to give us an anchoring event and then he has to decide is the next one before or after that ?

It's evidence that gold can come from the stars I , I don't even fucking know what you're asking me there when did these two stars collide in a far off galaxy , creating gold ? Okay , billions of years ago .

No wait what not ?

billions of years ago but if it's in a far off galaxy ? You know how long it takes to get information from a far-off galaxy . Yes , but not billions , right ?

Okay , so what's your guess ?

Oh , for a million years ago 140 million years ago okay , well , don't roll your eyes . You were saying billions and it's not , it's millions all right , what date is that specifically , so I can write ?

140 million years ago . So this is going to help you anchor . All the other things will be after this right .

That's what I'm saying is like just after , after the universe was formed , this or that thing happened , go ahead the next thing is jesus .

During the red scare , top us universities take a clear and public stance on mccarthyism compliance . Harvard will continuously buck the trend or not continuously cautiously buck the trend .

So before , after the formation of the universe , I'm going to say that that's definitely in the 1950s or early 60s , 1959 .

1953 . So good , close , okay , kept out of the official credits . An upset programmer hides his name in a secret room in an Atari game . It's one of the first video game , easter eggs .

Do you know the story ? No , I don't .

Well , look at it after the game .

Well , the Atari games are in the late 70s , early 80s , because that was the first video game I'd ever played . Well , that's not true . It's the first home video game I'd ever played . So I'm going to say 1980 .

We had an Atari 1980 , exactly Bam extra points . And the church bell's ringing for you , Can you hear ?

it yeah , I can Okay .

All right , a handy fashion invention , variously called the slide fastener , clasp locker or clothing closure , gets a name that sticks the zipper .

Oh , I was going for Velcro . So when were zippers invented ? So that's got to be way back in the day , right ?

I would think so , but probably not at the formation of the universe .

We think that that's how zippers were created Two galaxies collided 1920 .

1923 . You're on a roll , friend .

Bam on a roll . Zipper was invented in 1923 . You're on a roll , friend , bam on a roll . The zipper was invented in 1923 , just in time for the Second World War .

Yes , the US detains thousands of Italian Americans as enemy aliens . It stops when it realizes it needs Italian American troops to invade Europe . That sounds so much like the US .

Okay , well , it's gonna be between zippers and Red Scare . So oh , unless it's World War I , I don't know . Ooh , this is a tough one . Okay , I'm just gonna have to roll the dice . We're gonna say 1936 .

1941 . Good , good , good .

That was silly . I knew it would be later than that .

Oh Lord . So this next clue is a series . It's not written in English alphabet , it's a series of dashes and dots and at the very bottom , in parenthetical text , it says Morse code is invented . New York Times getting cheeky .

Yeah well , they're running out of ideas . We gotta figure again that that's gotta be . It's probably earlier than I think , because I would assume then that that's around a war again , because a lot of our technological and communicative advances were based around necessity and because , hey , these people are going to kill us .

You're doing very well friend , all right , 1850 , morse code Okay 1838 . You're doing very well , friend . All right , three more . The inventor , josephine Cochran , exhibits an early hand-powered dishwasher in Chicago . One issue most US homes don't have hot water .

Bam , come on , josephine , Use your head for once . Right homes don't have hot water . Bam , come on , josephine , use your head for once . Hand-powered . Why are they grouping these all together , though ? Because I feel like they're making it difficult on me . I've got four that are between 1838 and 1953 . And I need them to spread these out a little bit .

Well , no , I mean they went 140 million years ago and then , like the 19th century , they skipped a whole lot .

Okay , I have no ability to guess this . I'm gonna say 1916 .

Okay , so after Morse code , but before the zipper , yeah , 1893 . So you still got it right on the thing . All right , ready for your last , your penultimate question . Go ahead , us railroads create four time zones from eastern to pacific . Are these the people that created the time zones ? I didn't know that .

We just all guessed um , it's a little bit more important when you have the necessity of asking someone to pick me up at the airport at such and such a time , and or like the people to switch the track so the trains don't collide . That too , I don't know . Dude , again , I feel like this is all in this . They're really trying to trip me up here .

I mean you are going for a clean sweep here queen sweep algae first appear in earth's waters . Well , that's stupid . Some will emit dimethyl sulfide , a pungent molecule that creates the distinctive smell of sea air .

Okay , so 600 BC ? I don't know , dude . No , it's going to be way before that , but it's clearly , but it's not 140 million years ago , dude whoever put together today's quiz . They need to be fired , yeah .

Maybe the quiz maker was out for like spring break and this is the junior writer .

That's right , go ahead , so yeah between Incorrect but close .

What 1.5 billion years ago .

No shit .

Oh , astronomers found a possible sign of algae on another planet by detecting dimethyl sulfide . Sorry friend , you were so close .

I'm really annoyed . This is not a way to treat me on my birthday . I'm on birthday week , by the way . We have a dear friend of ours who doesn't live in this country who objects to birthday weeks . I'm keeping it rolling , baby , especially after I've been abused by the New York Times here .

Well , I'm upset because here's the deal with the flashback . So you take it's all based on events that are currently happening , like the Red Scare . We can kind of figure out why that's on here , but I was really excited to go to the Easter egg one to figure out what game this guy hit it in .

You've got a miracle in your hands , a miracle of technology and electronics yeah , yeah , yeah .

so this is the first year that we did not die eggs , although muffieuffy really does want deviled eggs today for Easter lunch , so we'll have to see . I've got about six eggs left , so we can do that .

You have any thoughts about any of this mess ? Let us know . Familiarwilson's at gmailcom . No one likes to be told what to do , and now is the time in the podcast

Amanda , what should we do If you are at all into kind of like Agatha Christie type murder mysteries ? Not like your gory stuff , but your puzzly type stuff ? I am reading a new book by novelist Kristen Perrin . It's called how to Solve your Own Murder . She is a YA author . This is her first adult novel .

YA Young adult .

And it's yeah , it's like along the veins of Agatha Christie or Richard Osmond , is also listed on the back of this book as it being like that which Richard Osmond , if you are familiar with UK television presenters is a television presenter host in the UK that we really enjoy but also writes a very successful series of novels set in like a retirement community ,

I looked at it and I noticed this written in the present tense , and I don't like it .

Yeah , it is written in the present tense and I don't mind that . I don't mind that at all , but it also it switches back and forth between so it's the great granddaughter of this woman who gets this fortune when she's 16 , that she's going to die by murder , and she lives her whole life trying to figure out who's going to murder her .

All right , okay , well , there you go , as long as I don't have to read it .

You don't have to read it , but I'm reading it .

I like it All . Righty , amanda . That's all there is . There is no more . What'd you think of that ?

I mean I think that I'm happy that it is a lovely sunday morning . The church bells are ringing , um , we had some lovely little easter baskets with the children and very lovely . I made what ?

And this podcast was made possible by the tireless efforts of people who should not be allowed near electricity . So we want to make sure to thank Justin , our senior sock interpreter , matt , our inverted wind chime , tuner Antonio , our paranormal sandwich artist , josh Scar . Our acoustic beard technician , daniel J Buckets , the noise curator of Unexplained Honks .

Alright , go , be kind Bye .

Bye , bye , thank you , and go and go . Are you ready for us to start ?

Yeah , you didn't .

I did . You were actually reading a book .

Well , because I'm really into this book and because you told me that you weren't ready yet and then usually I hear the and then you point at me and none of that happened oh no , that's not true . I pointed at you welcome to super familiar with the wilsons .

I'm amanda and I'm josh .