Bonus: A Father's Day Reflection

We are actually packing to go away for a couple of days , kind of in celebration of Father's Day , but also on a work thing for her . So did not want this Father's Day to go by without saying something , because I'm a dad and I've seen all my children . Today we had a lovely breakfast .

The one who works today I drove by and visited him at work and yeah , so it's been a good Father's Day . But Father's Day always causes me to reflect . I didn't have the easiest childhood , I did not have the picture-perfect father situation

and I thought that I would write a little something expressing that . And you know , as with everything that I write , I could write it and then just let it sit there , or I can write it and then express it out into the world . So I figured , why the hell not ? So here you go .

This is a little fatherhood poem about the tragedy and the drama and the lovely , beautiful experience that I've had as a father and as a son . Not the typical comedic fare that you're used to , but perhaps you'll forgive me . Happy Father's Day . Here's the setup Single dad adopts a kid .

Sounds noble , right Plot twist Turns out being willing to sign adoption papers doesn't automatically qualify you for father of the year . My real dad Complete mystery Could be anyone from the milkman to that dude who sold encyclopedias door to door . But here I am , equipped with three sons who think I'm alright , give it some time .

Boys and one stepdaughter who came prepackaged with my wife's excellent taste in men Second time around . Obviously Blended family , they call it . Sounds like a smoothie but tastes like controlled chaos with a side of whose

turn . Is it to explain why toddlers sometimes behave like drunk middle-aged daredevils ? My stepdaughter , bless her , inherited her mother's skepticism and my complete inability to understand why anyone needs to be cruel and unkind . But I stand as dad now , and that word hits different when it's chosen , not assigned the boys .

Those boys , they're homegrown philosophers asking questions that would stump Stephen Hawking . Dad , why do hot dogs come in packs of 10 but buns come in packs of 8 ? Dad , if you could fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses . Dad , why are you crying ? Because love , son .

Because love is a burglar that breaks into your chest and steals everything you thought you knew about yourself . The man who adopted me , let's call him air quote . Dad , air quote was an expert in the fine art of emotional unavailability , a black belt in selective hearing , a PhD in . Oh yeah , I'll be there , but not anymore , by the way .

So here I am , rootless as a tumbleweed , trying to parent myself backwards while parenting forwards . It's like doing calculus while riding a unicycle .

In a hurricane of feelings , I'm gathering myself backwards , you see , collecting the scattered pieces of who I might have been if someone had shown me how to tie my shoes with patience , or how to fail without shame , or how to tie my shoes with patience , or how to fail without shame , or how to love without keeping score .

Here's what I've learned about fatherhood it's 8% genetics , 99% showing up and 100% bad at mathematics . It's learning that , because I said so is actually a perfectly valid argument when you're running on three hours of sleep and someone's demanding to know why they can't have ice cream for breakfast .

When my stepdaughter graduated , walked across that stage like she owned the world , which , let's face it , she probably will . I cried inside like a broken fire hydrant , not because I made her broken fire hydrant , not because I made her , but because she

let me love her . My sons maybe now , maybe when they're older , will realize their dad is just a slightly taller child who learned to pay bills and make dad jokes that could level cities . Please remember this . I will always be here . I've seen tantrums and sleepless nights . I've heard Dad watch this , followed by something that definitely requires health insurance .

I've felt heartbreak and worry and I can't do this . And I know you can and have pride in my heart that could burst the Hoover Dam and you , my fierce stepdaughter , thank you for teaching me that family isn't about biology .

It's about who shows up to dance recitals , who remembers what you're allergic to , who walks you down aisles , both real and metaphorical mathematics , how chosen family chooses back , how being someone's dad is option A biology and chromosomes and option B . I got you kiddo . I got you Three sons , one daughter , one wife who believed I could be better .

They've taught me that fatherhood is less about the blood in your veins and more about the love in your voice when you say their names . I'm learning to father myself in the margins of fathering them , becoming the dad I needed , while being the dad they

deserve . Some days I'm parenting four children . Some days I'm parenting five , the fifth one being the kid . I was still waiting for someone to say son , you're doing all right . And my friends , here are the genetics that matter , the inherited ability to love someone else's dreams more than your own fears .

Happy Father's Day to all of us who are making it up as we go along , who are parenting without a manual , who are breaking cycles , who are building something better from the beautiful wreckage of what came before .