Project Audion Episode 80: Dragnet & Hairnet

Sunday Showcase, highlighting some of the best audio storytelling found anywhere. All right here on the Mutual Audio Network. The following audiodrama is rated PG for parental guidance. Project Audion, timeless audio dramas for modern time. Created the classic way. My name's Croby. I'm a producer. Let me ask you this. How about a nice game of cops and robbers?

Actually, do kids even play cops and robbers anymore? I don't think so. They sure used to. And a lot of that was due to shows like Drag Dance. which was such a cultural touchstone in mid century America. It was utterly distinctive from Jack Webb's hyper realistic monotone voice to the close attention to police procedural details, to the fact that uh the story you are about to hear is true. It was an utterly unique combination that clicked instantly with the American public.

So recognizable that it spawned board games and parodies and uh even now after seventy-five years, that four-note musical dragnet theme is something that most people would recognize. And yet, even Dragnet didn't burst onto the airwaves fully formed. The earliest episodes are almost, but not quite, the Dragnet people remember.

Even in fact the dum-da-dum-dum theme is missing And in fact, episode number one, the show's premiere on june third, nineteen forty nine, is missing completely, except for a copy of that first script. And so now Project Audion is pleased to premiere a reconstruction of this earliest original episode of Jack Webb's Detective Sergeant Joe Friday, Dragnet. Almost but not quite the legendary Cops and Robbers drama. Oh uh and uh then please stay tuned for a fresh parody of Dragon.

as penned by Robert L. Mill. Joe Friday untangles the tale of

Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Dragnet. You will travel with the law enforcement. In cooperation with the Los Angeles These are documents. and your life. Dragnet. My identification card reads Badge number 54, assigned to Detective Division, Central Division, Blood Type O. My name's Joe Friday, and I'm a sergeant. Base pay$382 a month, and I never heard of time and a half.

In compliance with a departmental directive, we work in pairs. My partner's name is Sergeant Ben Romero. Ben's married, has a six year old boy. I'm still single. Ben and I work for the skipper, Ed Baxtrand, Chief of Detective. There's one thing down here at Central Division that'll get you on the move. That's Ed Baxtrand's voice. Friday, Romero, got a minute? Sure, Skipper. Come on, Joe. Sit down. Got something for us, Ed?

Yeah. I got something for you. Slocum's in town. Slocum? George Slocum? That's right. Why, Ed, the last we heard of Slocum, he was facing a murder charge in Kansas City. He beat the rap. How? It was a jury trial Friday. They thought they had an airtight case. Looks like Slocum had an airtight lawyer. Yeah. Anyway, he's in town now, Friday. You and Romero here know Slocum as well as I do. You know he's the toughest and the lowest kind of thief there is.

No argument there, Ed. He's big time and petty larceny both. He'll rob a bank or a payphone and he'll just as soon shoot his way out of the phone booth as he would the bank. Is there any line on who he's been running with since he came to town? No, but sooner or later he's gonna pull something. I want Slocum, but I want him good.

We had him on a robbery and kidnapping once before, didn't we, Ed? Yeah, that's what I mean, Romero. He got off then too, so I don't have to tell you how slippery he is and how smart. Okay. This time, if and when you arrest him, be sure you've got a case Tim against him that nothing can blow over. Yeah. Starting right now, every case you go out on, I want you to keep Slocum in the back of your mind. From now on, he's your baby.

Some baby, George Slocum, age 42, 6 feet 7, about 190 pounds. Dull brown eyes, sandy hair, a streak of darker hair over his right ear, and a streak of killer and thief right through him. The next three days were routine. A liquor store holdup, a couple of gas stations. But no matter how small the job was, Ben and I kept Slocum in the back of our minds, like Chief Baxtrand had told us to.

We kept trying to tie in Slocum, but he wouldn't tie. Then, on the morning of the fourth day, came the only thing that gets more attention at Central Division than Backstran's voice. A hot shot. That's an alarm that's an emergency alarm system that means somebody wants a policeman in a That's a hot shot, Joe. I got it. Beverly in Vermont. A payroll holdup. At Beverly and Vermont, a payroll holdup. What is it? Uh payroll job, Beverly in Vermont. Okay, Ben, that's one to roll on. Let's go.

Six minutes later we arrived at Beverly in Village. Two officers in a radio car were all The officers were talking to the victim, a man named Ferguson. Mr. Ferguson, you ought to just get in our car a minute. We can talk here. We're from the detective division. All right. We'd like you to tell us just what happened. Yes, I uh you'll have to pardon me. I'm I'm still a little shaky. I can understand that. Here, have a cigarette. Oh thanks. I I could use one. Now, try to remember what took place.

Well, my partner and I have a manufacturing company down in the next block. You usually come to the bank for the payroll money yourself? Yes, on the first and fifteenth. We pay in cash. I see. Now how about this morning? Well, I started out for the bank as usual. I I always try to arrive just after it opens. I I went into the bank and withdrew the payroll money. A about eight thousand dollars. I put it in a paper sack, as usual. Then I went outside.

And started back along the sidewalk toward the plant. Oh, about halfway between the bank and the plant, there's a vacant store. Now, just as I got to it, a hand suddenly shot out and pulled me into the door. Four way. Uh oh. This is a pace mister. Keep your mouth shut, or I'll drill you. I could feel a gun pressing into my side. Just then a car slid silently to a stop right in front of the doorway, uh, sort of screened us from the street.

Alright, hand over the paper sack. Come on, let's have it. He grabbed it out of my hand and stuffed it in his pocket. The driver of the car opened the door. And the man who was holding the gun on me took hold of my arm. Come on, get in the car. Start moving. Well suddenly I had the feeling that if I did get in the car, they were going to kill me.

I don't know how I knew, but I did. So just as I got to the car door, I I broke away from the man who was holding me and ran down the sidewalk. The man jumped in the car and they pulled away fast in the other direction. So I thought So I stopped running. Car turned into an alley halfway down the street and disappeared. I called the police and well, that's just about it. Hmm.

Mr Ferguson, can you describe these two men for us? Well, not very well, I'm afraid. I I didn't get a very good look at the man who was holding the gun on me. But how about the one who was driving the car? Well, I did notice something about him. As he opened the door for me to get in, I noticed he was small. I mean, very small. Looked almost like a jockey. Not much more than five feet tall, maybe? Well, that's the way he looked to me. How about the car itself?

Oh, it was a gray Nash. A new one. Didn't even have license plates. Had one of those stickers on the windshield. Let's get back to this guy with the gun again. You think you might recognize him if you saw him? I I think so. Joe, you may be thinking the same thing I am. Well, whoever pulled this job was pretty thorough. They'd cased Mr. Ferguson a long time. The split second timing shows that.

And it takes a lot of nerve to pull something like this in broad daylight. Put those two things together and they could add up to slow complexity. Just about the way I'd been figuring. Uh you got those pictures with you, Ben? Uh yeah. Here they are. Okay. Uh mister Ferguson, take a look at these pictures. All right. Do you recognize any of these men as the one who held you up? No. I I don't recognize any of them at all.

I don't know, Ed. Looks like a blind alley. This job has has Slocum written all over it. Ferguson looked at the picture, but he couldn't identify Slocum. Hmm. Incidentally, Ferguson just phoned in. Oh. And he wanted to correct the amount of money in that paper sack. He told us eight thousand. No, it was closer to ten thousand. He said that when he talked to you, he had forgotten he'd cash some checks about two thousand that morning, and he had that money in the paper sack too.

Well, eight or ten, we still haven't got much in the way of leads. You know, this little fella who was driving the getaway car, he kinda interests me. Wasn't there someone like that who used to drive getaway cars pretty regularly? Campbell they called him Bannham, didn't they? Yeah, Phantom Campbell. I thought of Campbell, but our record show he was sent up about three years ago. No, he's not there now, Friday. I check with the parole board. Last year he was paroled and deported to Canada. Hmm.

Well if he was deported, maybe he decides to import himself again. He might be around somewhere. Maybe. It's a pretty slim lead. But it's better than nothing. Go to work on it. Yeah, it was a slim lead, all right. We knew Bantam Campbell was short too, real short, about the length of our case so far. We pulled the package on Campbell out of the files and started checking through his records. Campbell's wife's

It was a house on Sixth Avenue, four doors from the corner. Next door was a little coffee shop. There was a florist shop on the corner. We tried the florist. Good morning. What can I do for you, gentlemen? I'm Sergeant Friday. This is Sergeant Romero, Police Department. We'd like a little information. Heh, you name it, Sergeant. There's a misses Campbell who lives four houses down, you know her?

Uh slightly. I think she's a waitress in a restaurant. I I I see her drive off pretty early every morning. How about it? Well, uh I he went to prison several years ago. You haven't seen him around lately? Uh no. How'd you like to have an assistant here in your flora shop? Couldn't afford it.

We want to keep an eye on this neighborhood for a few days. I admit I don't know much about flowers, but I think I can make out. And of course it won't cost you anything. How about it? Huh. What can I lose? Okay. You've got yourself a job. made a try at selling flowers, Ben was staked out in the car. There is no sign of Campbell. Hi Ben. I know I'll have some blue box.

What are blue bonnets? Why, Joe, don't tell me you've never heard of blue bonnets. And here I thought you were a civilized man. That's the state fly of Texas, why there's even a song about. Let's see if I can remember how it goes. Uh All right, all right. Okay, Joe. I think he can retire from the flower business. I just spotted Campbell going into his wife's house. We knew Campbell was in town.

Of course we still had nothing at all to tie Campbell in on the payroll hold up, but he was beginning to look more like a poor. We knew he'd violated his parole to come back. And he probably needed money. If he got any, was it part of the first time? That's what we had to do.

who we were. That night I took a plainclothes policewoman with me and we drove over to Campbell's house. Detective Division cars have nothing on the outside to identify them as police cars. We parked in front of Campbell's and sat there a couple of hours. This is a great way to spend an evening. Yeah. Joe, Campbell's looking out his front window. Wait a minute. He's coming outside. Getting a little curious, isn't he? That's what we want. I'm gonna put my arm around him.

Line of duty, I suppose. Yeah, sure. He's heading for us now. Here, give me a kiss. That's not in the police manual. Line of duty. Hang on. Oh, you got a cigarette, honey? Hmm, here. How about a max? No, I think I'm fresh out. Oh wait wait a minute wait a minute. Maybe that guy on the sidewalk has one. Uh hey mister you got a light? Oh, yeah. Here's a match. Oh, thanks. Yeah.

Getting pretty late, huh? It's after one. Yeah, yeah. Well I guess I'd better take you home. Uh Thanks for the light, mister. Yeah, okay. That was step number one. Step number two came the next morning. A few minutes later I followed and slid on the stool next to Campbell. Waiter? Well that he mister Cream? No. Here you are. Thanks. Pass the sugar, please. Thanks. Say, didn't I see you last night? I I yeah, I asked you for a light, remember?

Oh oh yeah, you you were the guy in the park car. That's right. Boy, I was hoping I'd run into you again. Why? Well, I did a pretty stupid thing, bringing my girl around this neighborhood. Uh you see, I live around here, and if my wife ever found out that I was Oh yeah. Yeah, I see what you mean.

You were kinda taking a chance there, weren't you? I guess I'd been drinking kind of heavy and I wasn't thinking. Yeah. That coffee smells pretty good. How about a cup? Cream? Uh yes, please. Pass the sugar, will you, family? Hm oh yeah here. And don't worry about that. Talking of kind. Glad to hear it. Oh say, I just remembered I gotta make a phone call. You uh you have two nickels for a dime? I I don't think so, but uh you know here I got one nickel. Yeah. Thanks, I'll pay you back.

You finished for that paper, friend? Yeah. Help yourself. Let's dance before. But this is Joe Ed. Yeah. Uh say I met that friend I was telling you about. Are you with Campbell now? Yeah, he said that horse in the third race looks pretty good. Have you seen any sign of slok em around? No, nothing at all. I tell ya, I I wasn't planning on coming to work today, but if I get another tip, I'll call ya. Stay with Campbell. Got the finger slogan. Yeah, so long.

Uh hey, uh what horse is that anyways? Huh? Didn't you just give somebody a tip on a horse? Oh yeah, yeah, uh but uh Yeah well well which one? How about letting me in on it? Well y you got a paper? Here it is. Oh yeah. Uh here we are, uh third race. It's this one. Grey skies? Yeah, yeah, yeah, grey skies, that's the one. Are you kidding? That that neck was scratched. Well all I know is what my friend told me. Heh well your friend better can his money on that one. I'll see you around. Yeah.

Well, handicapper, you really know your horses, don't you? Yeah. I'm going back to the car. Once in a while you get a break, and that could have been it. But regardless, Campbell started getting I guess he figured I could give him some real tips. He bought my coffee that day, the next day I bought his, and the day after that, Ben bought coffee for both of us. Pretty soon we were old buddies. The trick was to keep Campbell from connecting Ben.

and I. We'd arrive at the coffee shop at different times and leave at different times, and in between we'd take turns watching his house. We kept it up for a week, but we got nowhere. Skipper, in all the time we've been watching Campbell, he hasn't made a single contact of any kind.

He stays in his house most of the time. Yeah, his wife leaves for work a little after seven in the morning. About ten thirty, Campbell goes next door for coffee. Then he goes back into the house and stays there the rest of the day. What time do you boys usually leave at night? About two AM. Nice hours. You got any new information for us, Ed?

A little. We found the getaway car that was used in the payroll job. It was a stolen car and they abandoned it. But it was clean. No fingerprints anywhere. Another dead end. Where's Slocum hanging out now? He's dropped out of sight. Skipper, Ben and I aren't getting anywhere on this case. We thought Slocum might be in on it from the way the job was pulled, but Ferguson couldn't identify Slocum from his picture. Ferguson said the driver was a little guy, so we figured it could be camping.

But we can't tie Campbell in on the job and we can't tie him in with Slocum. So I thought we'd go over the case again from the beginning and see if we'd overlooked anything,'cause it looks like we're fresh out of leads right now. You're fresh out, you're not fresh out of leads. You're working on one now. Bantam Campbell. Maybe it'll pan out, maybe it won't. But there's only one way to find out. Do just what you've been doing this last week. Keep an eye on Campbell and wait.

Yeah You know Joe, sitting in this car at seven in the morning is not what I call fun. These long hours are killing me. Hm. Why don't you put in for overtime? Very funny. Well there's Mrs. Campbell backing out of the driveway right on time. Yeah, sure. Hey, she stopped the car. Joe look, Campbell came outside. He's getting in behind the wheel. Yeah, looks like he's in a hurry. We'll let them get down the street a little before we start tailing them. कर दो कर दो कर दो

Joe, he turned right. Uh watching now, Ben. He might be trying to see if he's being tailed. Yeah. Oh, we can't afford to lose him now. The way he's acting, he may be trying to skip town. There's his car over at the curb. Yeah, yeah. Campbell in it in it? No. No, but his washed iliots. He's trying to shake us all right. Probably ducked into one of those stores and out the back. Thing maybe he spotted us? I don't know. Here we'll pull him.

Can you see his car from here? Yeah, Mrs. Campbell's behind the wheel now. She's starting up. Okay. Maybe she's gonna double back and pick him up in the next block. We'll give her a little lead and then tag along. Yeah. Then we're going to be able to do He's sure heading out of town, Joe. Looks like he's got cold feet. Well, I guess we better take him now. Pull over to the curve. I guess this is the end of a beautiful friendship, Joe. Yeah, come on.

Oh, it it's you guys. What what's the big idea? What are you doing around here? Come on, we're taking you in. You you you what? I'm Sergeant Friday. This is Sergeant Romero Police. Oh come on, look who you're trying to kid. We've been having coffee every morning together. Don't give me any cop stuff. Here's my identification card. That convince you?

Uh what do you what do you want with me? I told you we're taking yin. Why? Haven't done anything. Well then I'm sure you won't mind coming along with us. Get in the car. Look, I told you you got no right to bring me down here. You got nothing on me, nothing. That's a fine thing when a citizen gets hauled to jail like some ball. Ah, just a minute. You said your name was Carson, didn't you?

Sure, it's Carson. What about it? You ever been arrested before? I went to a boulevard stop once. Is that any reason to have How come you don't have a driver's license on you? I told ya. I left it at home. All right, Campbell. Let's cut out the kidding, huh? Well, what do you mean Campbell? I told you my name's Carson. Here, take a look at this report, Bannham.

Bannum. Says here, your name's Campbell. Says you were arrested four years ago. Robbery. Here's your fingerprints, your pictures, and your nickname, Bannham. How about it, Campbell? Okay. So I'm Campbell. You were paroled and deported to Canada. You violated your parole when you sneaked back. N look, fellas, can you give me a break, huh? The only reason I come back was to see my wife.

Honest. I ain't pulled anything since I come back. I'm clean. We think you were in on a payroll robbery that took place last week, Campbell. That's a lie. You drove the getaway car. I said it's a lie. You were working with another man. Take a look at these pictures. Ever seen any of these guys before?

No. None of'em. How about this one? I said I didn't know any of'em. This is a man named Slocum. Ever hear of him? No. Well in a couple of minutes we're gonna take you out to one of the precincts and book it can't. Okay. Okay, go ahead. Won't do you any good. I'll be out in an hour. Hey be a scorpus, huh? Sure. Has Slocum got a lawyer to keep you out of trouble? I told ya I don't know any Slocum. You know, whoever springs you'll have to find you first.

Don't worry about that Friday. My name will be on the blada wherever I'm booked. Does the name Carson mean anything to your lawyer? Carson, what are you trying to pull? Told you my name's Campbell, you know it. Funny. I'd have sworn you told us your name was Carson. And that's just how we're gonna book you. Hey. Hey you ca you can't do that. Come on, Joe. Let's go see the skipper. Right. Hey, wait a minute. You hey you can't do that. Wait.

Look at this picture, Slo Oh Joe. I just discovered something while we were talking to camp. What is it? Look at this picture, Slope. That's the one I just showcamp. Yeah, well what about it? Well now look at this one. The one we've been carrying around. Hey. They look like two different guys. Yeah. Here we are. Well did you get Campbell to spill anything? No, skipper. I didn't think so. It's gonna be a tough job getting him to talk. I'm not optimistic about it.

Ed, we've got two different pictures of Slocum here, and they don't look anything alike. What? Let me see. Hmm. He looks about ten years older and twenty pounds lighter in this one. That's the picture that we showed the hold up victim, Skipper. Where'd it come from anyway?

Salt Lake City. It's the most recent picture of him there is. The other one we dug out of our files. It was made when Slocum was arrested for Trump driving a couple of years ago. Ed, we want to show this second picture to Ferguson. Uh go ahead. We checked and found out why the picture looked so different. He'd lost a lot of blood and was pretty weak, which accounted for the change in appearance. But now we had a good picture of Slow.

To the holdup victim, Ferguson. He didn't hesitate a moment. Sure, that's the guy who robbed me. Well, along about then we thought we really had something, but Baxtrand didn't think we had something. Look, so Ferguson finally identifies Slocum. That's not good enough. A defense attorney could. Bringing out the fact that Ferguson couldn't identify Slocum from the other picture and the case would probably collapse. I told you I wanted Slocum good.

We've got to have testimony from Slocum's partner, and if that partner is Bantam Campbell, get that tiny. So we went back to Campbell, and this time we took a different approach. We knew Campbell likes s thick stakes, so we took'em out and bought him one. Hey ha ha pretty nice to you fellas to do this. Good steak, Ben? Yeah, sure is. You know? It's too bad. Huh? How old are you, Campbell?

Forty, why? Well let's see. You still got twenty years of your sentence staring you in the face on account of violating parole. That means you're gonna be sixty when you get out. Yeah. Look, will you guys cut it out? I don't think you're being very smart, Campbell. We know you didn't plan the holdup. You were only the driver. Look I told ya I don't know nothin' about any holdup. Of course, the bad part is what could happen to you unless we get a real case.

What do you mean? Well, we're going to bring Slocum in on the strength of his identification by Ferguson. Now we can't withhold your name from him. So unless we convict Slocum, you know he's going to think it was you who caused his arrest. He'll be gunning for you. Now how about it? Um past the stakes sort of. I don't know whether we made a den or not. It was hard to tell. It was a call for me. Yeah. This is Ferguson. You know the man who was held up. Sure, mister Ferguson.

A man just telephoned me, Sergeant. He said he'd seen you two guys talking to me. That if I didn't forget all about that robbery, it was gonna be too bad for me. I see. Yeah, uh he also told me he'd get my wife and child if I testified. Miss Ferguson, we'll get some men over to protect you right away. Ed, I'm here Friday. That was Ferguson. He's just been threatened about that picture identification.

Get some men over to his place of business and to his house. Tell them to stick to Ferguson like they were related.

Now it was strictly a question of Find a way to break down camp. Yeah. I started toward the phone to call Ben, but just then the phone rang. Yeah. This has been Joe. Hey, I think I figured out something that might make Okay, Ben, you tell me. Well, Ferguson first told us there was 8,000 in the paper sack. Later he realized And knowing Slocum, it's just possible he held out that extra two thousand on Campbell. Okay, Ben, meet you at Campbell's cell in ten minutes. Why don't you guys just

It's just that we don't think you're being very smart, Campbell. So you got half the payroll dough, five thousand bucks. That still isn't worth twenty years locked up. Five five thousand. Half of ten is five, Campbell. We figured it was a fifty fifty split between you and your partner. Uh the the papers said it was eight thousand. That's wrong, Bannham. It was ten thousand.

You don't s'pose your partner hailed out on you, do you? You you you guys are trying to pull a fast one on me. It was eight thousand, right? Well get the r guy you robbed down here. He'll tell you there was ten thousand in that sack. That Chisler That dirty two timing Chisler. He did hold out the two thousand on you, didn't he? Yeah. Yeah, he held out on me.

Okay. Okay. It was Slocum, wasn't it? Sure it was Slocum. And I'll fix him. I'll spill the whole works, I'll tell you guys anything you want to know. Well, Campbell gave us our case against Slocum, but we're not going to be able to do it didn't have Slocum. We covered them all. On the second night we spotted him leaving one of them by the rear exit. Just a minute, fella. I don't know. I don't know why.

Your name Slocum? What's it to you? I'm Friday. This is Romero Police. So what? We're taking you in on suspicion of robbery. You haven't got anything on me. And you know it. Now get up. We've got Campbell Sloc. Huh? And he spilled the whole story. You're not hooking me. Get your hand away from your pocket. Slokum! Joe, he just never should have gone for his gun, should he? That was about it from what Campbell told us.

Able to reconstruct the crime. Slocum had been the brains. Campbell was the man behind the wheel. Slocum had cased the job for six weeks and had stolen a car just before the holdup. After the job they separated, met later in a parking lot to split the go. and then hadn't been together since. And of course Slocum had held out the extra two thousand on Campbell.

Campbell's mistake was to trust a thief. Campbell was turned over to the Canadian authorities. Slocum was convicted, and he's serving from five years to life in the state penitentiary. File it, will you, Ben? Case closed.

Dragnet. The story you have just. Technical advice for dragon. Tonight's program is dedicated to Sergeant Tommy Milton of the Los Angeles Police Department, who, on the night of may sixteenth, nineteen forty-nine, gave his life so that yours might be more secure. Dragnet came to you from Lawrence. This is NBC. The National Broadcasting Company.

Yeah. So that's Dragnet. As noted, it was a show that was so distinctive it was ripe for parody. Stan Freeberg, Spike Jones, uh Mad Magazine, Jack Benny, and others all rose to the occasion. And now so does Robert L. Mills, former writer for Bob Hope, with a script which he has dubbed hairness. We're bringing back our same voice actors some good guys, some bad guys, and this time definitely some funny guys. Only the roles have been changed to protect their reputations.

Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect those who had nothing to do with tonight's crime. In fact, most of them have never committed any crime more serious than tearing the label off their cow. You're a detective sergeant. You're assigned to homicide. A well-known European-trained hairdresser and fashion designer has been found dead in his shop. A pair of scissors protruding from his chest.

The weapon was obviously wielded by a suspect with a pardon the pun, axe to grind. Your job? Find him. by the men who are your family and your Transcribed in the U.S. From beginning to end. From crime to punishment.

Boys and weather division across the hall were working hard on it. We were assigned to day watch out of homicide. Partners Ben Romero, bosses Stone Flintridge, chief of detectives. My name's Friday. Medical examiner looked up as we approached. Joe, Ben. Harvey, got anything? Well, the rash I had is gone and the docks oh. Uh y you mean Yeah. Time of death. Uh maybe I figure Ed Sullivan? Ed Sullivan? Yeah. Last night around eight, eight thirty.

At eight fifteen it introduced Topo Gio and my kids went well. Who's Topo Gigio? Uh he's a mouse. Like Mickey? Eh yeah, only he speaks Italian. From the looks of these stab wounds, our suspect wasn't watching. Classic overkill. The first one looks like it did the trick. Art. Well, whoever did this didn't have one. They never do. Well, the skin under his fingernails may give us something. It looks like he fought back.

Prime of passion? Well, they weren't bosom buddies. Ballistics, check those scissors. Yeah, no surprise. Oh. They were sharp. The uniformed officers who responded to the midnight call Victor's Puffin' Fluff on Melrose determined that the victim was Victor Francois, age forty eight. had been spotted by a civilian who was passing by and saw the body lying in a pool of water. Yeah. The puff and fluff employed. No sign of forced entry.

Frank and I knew we had a work cut out for us checking green cards. Brown's twelve current former employees. Checked in with the skipper, he agreed to add a few extra officers to help us with the interviews. ten twenty six AM Ben and I drive. When we arrived the forensic team Blow dry and eyebrow puck. But I convinced him he'd be a laughing stock back at the station. He agreed. We collected the files of former employees from the manager. 1118 a.m. We drove to Century City.

Location of the apartment of the first employee on our list, Rosario Concepcion, born and trained in the Philippines and working under the name Mr. Roberto. Uh you the one they call Mr Roberto? Yes, sir. How long did you know the victim? Uh let's see, it's been years, but I'd say from the day we met. Yeah. Till when? Until he you'll know. If we knew, we wouldn't have asked.

Sorry, officer. The question wasn't clear. I guess I knew him until I finished work last night and went home. What time was that? ten, ten fifteen. Which is it? Which is what? Ten. Ten fifteen. Oh I remember now. It was ten twelve. Exactly. Yeah. How do you know? I remember timing my combs. Why did you time combs? To soak them. Soak your combs. Yes, sir. Mr. Victor liked all our equipment soaked. It was a health department thing to keep his license in good standing.

So you soak said scissors before you stabbed them into mister Victor's heart? No, I don't mean it. He's right, Joe. We don't know that yet. Okay. Okay. I took a chance he might break down, confess. That only happens in Perry Mason. Uh huh. Tell me, mister, just where did you learn to soak your combs? Appuyote school. Beauty School? The National Academy of Cosmetology. At where you got your degree? I was validictorian.

What was your major? Murder one oh one? Hey, if you guys have any evidence that I killed mister Victor, arrest me. If not, close your donut shoot. Look, pal, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Your choice. Gee, that's a tough one. Can I get back to you? Okay, one more crack like that and you're going downtown. I'll goody. I need new shoes. Okay, wise guy. You're under arrest. What for? For willfully impeding the course of a lawful investigation.

Did I get that right, Joe? You did? For some reason I can never remember if it's impede or interrupt. If I'm not mistaken, the DA accepts either one. Hey, you guys mind getting on with these? I have some errands to run. Put my bracelets on. Oh, you're in luck. We got a special this week. Special? They come with a matching necklace. It's time for a quick review of the evidence we'd collected so far. Could you uh pass me the sugar joe? there you goI thought you were trying to cut back

Notice, if you will, Joe, that I'm down to five cubes. Uh-huh. Yeah. Sorry. So let's go over what we have so far. A body. With a pair of scissors sticking out of his heart. A passing civilian walking her dog who spots the victim. A ten year old kid on a bike was observed near the scene. Um teen co-workers of the victim in an industry that requires one to be handy with the murder weapon. And not one solid suspect. But on the plus side.

Not raining. Yeah. Slide that cream over here, would ya? Heads up. Uh you must be great at shuffleboard. Yeah. Thanks to all those cruises.

The following day we decided to pay a visit to our only eyewitness, not a Valencia, age twenty. Place looks nice enough. Maybe the go go business is thriving. I'm sure it has its ups and downs. Yes. Who is it? LAPD, ma'am, we just need your you to answer a few questions. told the officers everything I saw. We're just following up, ma'am. Standard police procedure, ma'am. Sorry to be so suspicious, gentlemen, but you you know you can't be too careful these days.

You're absolutely right, ma'am, and we appreciate citizens who are alert to possible dangers. Helps us stay one step ahead of the bad guys. You know, when I was a kid I wanted to be a cop just like my dad. Your dad was in the department? I think I remember him. I worked with Rocky Valencia over on the Hollibeck district. That's him. His name was Roscoe, but everybody called him Rocky. Hmm. Small world. How's he doing these days? Well, he retired in Florida, bought a fishing boat. That's great.

Not really. You know he got caught running guns and now he's doing ten to twenty in the slammer. It's always a shame when a cop goes bad. Just got tired of smelling like fish all the time. Uh-huh. We just have some follow-up questions for you. And I'm glad you stopped by. You know, after I talked to the other guy, I remembered I did spot a kid running away from the beauty parlor.

The huffin' stuff is it? Bluffin' Puff. Surejo, I thought it was called the Nip and Tuck. Nip and Tuck's a cosmetic surgery clinic across the street. I had my tummy tucked done there. They do good work. Nice job at that. Yeah. So this kid you saw, what do you look like? You know, just an ordinary kid like the ones you see riding their bikes around the schools. Batter skinny. Well, he was average, I guess. Not the kid. The tires on his bike. Fat.

Where'd you write as a kid, Joe? Skinny. With handbrakes. Much faster. Yeah, I had you figured for a skinny. Hmm. Now, this kid you saw. How is he dressed? Dressed? Well, like any kid, I guess, you know, blue jeans with rolled up cuffs, t shirt, black kids. Uh huh. Anything written on that t shirt? Now that you mention it, it did have the name of a school on it. His school? Lincoln Elementary.

Tuesday, March 11th. Ben and I decided to see if we could run down that kid spotted near the crime scene. Lincoln Elementary was Street in Sherman Oaks, medium-sized bedroom community adjacent to North Hollywood. Examining class photos, our eyewitness identified a seventh grader named Billy Wellington. We're always happy to help the police in any way we can.

Like I said on the phone, I think Billy fits the description of the child you described. I called his mother and she has no objection to his being questioned, as long as you're not accusing him of anything. No, sir. We interviewed the boy who confirmed he had been riding his bike near the scene of the crime. He observed a brown car scream away from the curb as he rode by. While he didn't know the make of the vehicle, he remembered it had a row of three holes.

Super sedan. Finally, we had a solid lead. We got your call on the radio, Harvey. You have something for us? Yeah, I hate to disappoint you guys, but this was no one hundred eighty seven. Not a homicide? Nope. This death was accidental. Accidental. How's that? Well, the way I figure it, fellas, he soaked his scissors along with his combs like he always did. Only this time he decided to dry both the combs and scissors with his blow dryer set on high.

He propped the scissors up to dry out, and while using the blow dryer, he somehow tripped and fell. A newly cleaned pair of scissors punctured a coronary artery, and it was over in about thirty seconds. Ooh, tough way to go. Can you think of a nice one? The story you have just heard is true. Only the names were changed to protect the reputation of those guilty of overaction.

On july fourteenth, nineteen fifty six, a coroner's inquest officially determined that the death of Victor Francois was accidental, and the case was officially closed.

That closes the file on this Project Audion. In alphabetical order, our far flung voice talents included. Denise and Norman Klein in Kentucky. Pete Fernbog in West Virginia. Caleb Fisher in Virginia Chris Hart in Florida. Ed Herman in New York. Sean Massey in Texas. R. L. Mills in California. Craig RL Mills wrote Hairnet, while production, direction, sound and music was by Larry Grove. Project Audion's goal is to present new versions of classic audio dramas to modern.

And if you support it and enjoy it, then please like us and share these episodes with your friends. Until next time, thanks for listening. Make sure you're subscribed. There we have our wisdom. Or the Monday. The Mutual Audio Drama Network, where we listen and imagine together.