Project Audion Episode 78: Special to Hollywood

Showcase Sundays today on the Mutual Audio Network. The following audio drama is rated PG for parental guidance recommended. This is Project Audion, timeless audio dramas for modern times, created the classic way. Ever wish you could just stop the world for a few minutes? I'm Larry Groby of Generic Radio Workshop, and I confess I have had that dream. Daily living often seems to be a headlong rush of events that we barely have time to react to. But...

What a dream it would be if we could simply stop everything. Yeah, stop everything. Collect our thoughts. Reflect on where we've been and consider where we're going. Like, that's what New Year's is for, right? Except that nothing really stops, not even then. But in today's audio drama... Written by Arch Obler and entitled Special to Hollywood, Mr. Obler gets to play God. He can stop time. And the result is not a dream.

but a bit of a nightmare. In his script from 1945, the acclaimed dramatist looked at the emptiness and the pettiness of celebrity fame, and then gave one of those celebrities A bit of extra time to look at it too. Project Audion is stopping time too, in a way, with this show. Actually, we're rolling back time. Special to Hollywood was our second ever episode.

was produced in the spring of 2020 during the depths of the COVID pandemic. I thought it might be interesting to go back to that time a little bit godlike and to the original files and see if we could perhaps improve upon them, add a fresh shine to what's actually a pretty polished work. And so now it's time to stop and listen to Pat Rosebank in a dynamic Project Audion cast. as they take off on a special to Hollywood.

The Mutual Broadcasting System has the pleasure of presenting the 15th broadcast of a special 26-week series of plays by radio playwright Arch Obler. In this series, we hope to bring you drama. full of the excitement and the meaning of plays, told in relation to the expanding world in which we live. Tonight, in response to many requests, we bring you one of Mr. Obler's most unusual plays. Special to Hollywood. Now look here, pilot. Can't you make this thing go faster? Hmm? Sorry, what'd you say?

Well, take those infernal earphones or whatever they are off your head and listen to me. I said, can't you make this thing go faster? 150 miles an hour isn't exactly walking, mister. I'm getting pertinent. I chartered this special playing for speed. You understand? Speed. Not to just go dawdling along through the air. I'll tell him about it when he comes in. Now look here. You realize who you're talking to? Look, mister.

I'll be the first to admit you're a big shot. But when you're bucking a 50 mile hour wind and still making 150 miles an hour, believe me, that's pretty good. Now, why don't you go back in the cabin and sit down and enjoy yourself like a good fella? Look here. You can't tell me what to do. You can't tell me. Mark. Mark. Come here, Mark. Mark, I'm talking to you. Coming, darling. Coming.

Oh, for Pete's sake, Mark, where have you been? Do I have to split along every time I want to talk to you? I'm all right, darling. All right, I'm here. NC-19 calling Glendale. NC-19 calling Glendale. Hello, Joe. How is it? Yeah? The farmers seem to like it.

Said we had plenty of scotch, too. Oh, yeah. Everything's normal here. You'll be tired. I don't know why I went on this trip, anyway. Yeah. And that's only two of them. And the third one starts in, ugh, boy. I can sit in my backyard and get publicity. Okay. Well, tell them to get the studio brass band ready. We'll be setting down in a couple of hours. Okay. N219 signing off. You tell me. Everybody in Hollywood knows. Everybody? Who's everybody?

You heard what I said how many times do I have to say it? You heard me the first time. If not for me being in it, that picture would stink so loud, the only way anyone could go see it would be with one of those gas mask things on their faces. Oh, darling, be reasonable. Any picture that nets... $300,000 the first week. Because I'm in it. That's why. Because I am in it. Isn't that right, Bob? Huh? What'd you say? For pizza.

Take your nose out of that racing form and listen to me, will you? Listen yourself, beautiful. I'm busy. Mark, how long do I have to put up with this lily imitation of a louse? Now loan a darling. All right, Mark. It's all right. I can take it for a thousand a week. Mark, are you gonna let him talk to me like that? Well, he hasn't said anything. She's reading my mind.

Why, you two-bit little foreflusher, let me tell you something. What do you mean, foreflusher? What, if not for me shoving your name in every newspaper in the country, you'd be back in the laundry. Mark, Mark, did you hear that? Now, Bob, watch yourself. After all... You keep out of this. Fire him. Fire him. Yeah, sure, fire me. Go on. So I'll go to work for Warner's tomorrow. Oh, fire him. Yeah, fire me. Yeah, I said it. Then I'll have some...

Decent pictures to go to town on instead of this baby's turkeys. Turkeys? Now, Bob, don't go too far. After all... Did you hear him? My picture's turkeys. $300,000 the first week, and you start... Ask me why. Exploitation, that's it. Why, without my publicity, you wouldn't be back in the laundry. You'd be in it. Oh, you little squirt. I'll scratch your eyes out. You lay a hand on me, I'll slap you down. Mark!

Mark, do something. You're fired. You hear me, Bob? Fired. Why, you big bag of wind. Who do you think you're firing? Mark, throw him out. Why, I'll go to JB and I'll have him cut your heart out. Fired, I tell you. Out on your ear. You're not a producer. You're a fugitive from the laundry she used to work in. Blacklist him, Mark. Have him blacklisted.

Metro, Xana, Ranger... I can walk into a dozen jobs tomorrow morning. I'll run you out of Hollywood. You'll starve to death and I'll kick you in the face. You won't get another job in Hollywood if I have to...

That crazy pilot? What's he doing? Well, tell him to stop. Crazy fool climbing like that? Well, don't stand there. Go and give him the devil. Oh, all right, all right. I'm going. All right. Hey, you, pilot! You crazy? It's all right, mister. Had to climb. Storm ahead. Who cares about a storm? You get us home, understand? Okay, you're paying for it. Here, message for you. Give him over the radio. All right, all right, hand it over. What is it, Mark? For me? No. Me. Yeah, me. What's up, huh? Mark.

What's the matter with you, mouth open like a fish? Read it. It says that John Webster killed himself. Hey. You're kidding. See for yourself. John Webster, young novelist, committed suicide 1 p.m. I never thought he'd do it. I mean, neither. Killing himself just because we changed a... Yeah. You laughing? Sure, why not? Now, Lona, darling, after all. After all what? Two wise guys, and neither one of you's got as many brains as the left side of my Pekingese.

Okay, let's have it. You, you, the great Mr. Crane, the publicity wonder boy. Cut out the needles, will ya, and let's have it. Yes, Lona, what are you getting at? So he's dead. So instead of looking down your noses, you two ought to be standing on your heads. What? She's nuts. Am I? The picture getting national release this week, and the sap who writes the words blows his brains out.

And I'm supposed to cry, huh? Say, I get it. Well, call out the Marines. Lona, you mean that now he can't bother us with an injunction? Who's thinking about injunctions? He couldn't stop the picture anyway. You said yourself he signed away all the rights. Then what is the... Oh, you tell him, Bob. It's terrific. Mark, don't you get it? Huh?

So we had the premiere in Chicago. It's all right. It stunk. Don't you start in on that again, or I'm going to... Okay, okay. It wasn't your fault. The director was no good. The film was no good. The cutters got the story loused up. The critics all had belly aches. But I don't... What's the difference with the...

The reason was, the picture was a flop-a-roo. Laid eggs all the way up and down State Street. Well, get to the point. I've passed it already. Don't you get it? The author of the novel we made the film out of blows his top. Why? Ask me, why? I don't have to ask you. The kid told me yesterday, right in the hotel. Ruined his life work, he said. Yeah, that's what he said. But it won't be what I'll say. Huh? What?

Oh, for Pete's sake, Mark, shut your mouth and listen to the guy. For the first time in a year, he's got a good idea. My idea. That's what you think. Now, listen, Mark, with this angle, we can turn the picture into a gold mine. Well, say it. Say it. I'll say it. The reason that crazy kid killed himself was because the picture was so terrific, he was done.

Finish. Yeah, yeah. His life's work comes to life on the silver screen. So the boy genius bows out. Don't you get it? But... But that isn't true. Oh, for the lover. I mean, who believe you? It's crazy. You listen to the guy, Lona. Crazy. Sure, crazy. A story like that might no newspaper believe it. Oh, won't they? How about if you have a letter the kid wrote you just before he, you know, did it?

That's alright. But he didn't write any such letter. Oh, for Lona, you tell him. Mark, what are you trying to do? Give an imitation of Dopey. Did the sappy kid have to write a letter? Aren't there plenty of guys you got at the studio who'll write you a letter like that for ten bucks? Yeah, and give you five change. Well, aren't there?

Oh. Oh is right. Why, the kid's bumping himself off as a natural. And who thought of it first? You tell me. Ah! Storm! What kind of a screwy pilot we got! Mark, don't stand there. Do something. All right, all right. I'll talk to him. Bob. It's dark. The lights. Find the switch. Oh, there. Mark, Mark, tell him to get us out of this. Gee, is it dark out there? You two fatheads, I told you I didn't want to go to Chicago. Mark, Mark, tell him to get us out of the storm.

Mark, you hear me? Mark! I'll go see. No, don't leave me. Okay, okay. Listen, we're climbing. Climbing? So what does that mean? He's taking us above the storm. Oh, why doesn't he hurry? Oh, I hate thunder. Mark! It's all right, darling. It's all right. It's all right? What?

Well, he's getting us over the top of the storm. Yeah, like I told you. I don't know what the buzzard get us into this for in the first place. Mark, if you don't get him fired, I swear I'll... There we are. In the light again. Look at those clouds down there. Who cares? Oh, what a gift for a scotch. We'll be home soon. You can't even see the ground. Like a carpet from up here. Will you shut up?

cares about clouds. Listen, Toots and Fruits, who's talking to you? Mark, did you hear what he said to me? Now, now, now, now, don't start again. The two of you, I got all I can stand these three days. You've had, will you listen to the guy? Who was... pushed and pulled around by everyone from the Cicero fan club number one to those flop-eared exhibitors to those lousy reporters to... Hey, hey, wait a minute. Huh? What's your matter? I got an idea. Listen, that screwy author. When we land...

I'll have a wire sent. We'll have the body sent to the coast and bury him at the studio's expense. Huh? Yeah, sort of a state funeral for the author of Elona Douglas' greatest vehicle. Say, that's all right. I don't know. Maybe they won't, you know. Who won't? The kid didn't have anybody, so we'll do the honors, see? Special car all across the country. Make every new service in the world.

i don't know i mean i don't know it's morbid you know morbid i i don't know that's the trouble you don't know first good idea this lily's had no wait a minute And you start getting artistic or something. Well, let me tell you that... Hey. Hey, what's the matter with you? Mark, I'm talking to you. Listen. Huh? What the... Bob? What's the matter with you two? Engines. Huh? The engine? It stopped. So what? We're landing.

What's the matter with you two, Sapsie? He shut off the engine because we're landing. No. Pilot? Pilot? Pilot, what's the matter? Pilot, what's happened? I don't know. I don't. What is it? What's happened? Hey, what is this? Mark, what'd he chase off for? What's the matter? We are landing, aren't we? What's there to get so excited about? The engine stopped. Will you stop saying that? So what? We're not due in for an hour yet. Something's wrong.

Pilot! Pilot, what's the matter? Pilot! Lona, wait! Pilot! Pilot, why are we landing here? Lady... Why are we landing here? Lady, would you please just take it easy? We have to do something. What's going on? We have to land. What's the matter with the angel? Look, I can't answer both of you. Will you tell me why are we landing here? What's going on? Where are we? Just take it easy. We've got another... We're not landing you see we're not landing but

The engine? It stopped. We must be landing. Engine stopped. Engine stopped. I'll go right to your boss and get you. Stop! Get up! You can't talk to her that way. Oh, suck. Who do you think you're talking to? You fools, will you shut up? Look. Look. Look, I tell you. That what? The indicator. The airspeed indicator? Huh? We are not falling. Mark, what's he saying? Listen, I'm telling you. We're not falling. The engine's dead, and we're...

Not falling. You fools! What are you looking at me like that for? Don't you understand? We're hanging. Just hanging in the air. Grace Buzzard, what are you trying to pull? What are you trying to pull? Drop dead. Just hanging in air. Hanging here? Listen to three of you. I've been around. They pulled all kinds of fancy gags on me. If this is a trick, I don't like it, you hear me? I don't like it. Now get me down out of here.

back into the cabin. Better sit down. Mr. Markham, you too. Pop, he... He'll be alright. Come on. Hanging in here. This is a gag, isn't it? Tell me, isn't it? We're moving. We gotta be moving. Talk, Blaster, talk! Lady, my arm, cut it out, will ya? Then tell me what's happening. Bob passed out. Mark looking like his mouth just... You gotta talk. You gotta tell me. We are moving, aren't we? No. You liar.

You dirty liar. We are. We are. Just stop it. Look. Down there. You dirty liar. You're trying to scare me. Look. See? On the clouds down there. Our shadow. Standing still. We're not moving. Now get that through your head. We're just hanging in space, I tell you. No. No. No. All right. Just leave me alone. You hit your head when you fainted there. Leave me alone, I tell you. What are you all sitting around looking at me for? I passed out. All right.

You're all just as scared as I am. You know it. You are. You, Mark, you are scared. Your face green. Answer me. You are scared, aren't you? The hair. The hair. You see? Off is not. You, Lona, you're scared too, aren't you? Why don't you shut up? Pilot! Pilot, you! You're scared green! You're scared too, aren't you? Not me alone. You! You answer me! You! Maybe I'd better shut you up. I am scared. I'm scared. Scared. All right, Rob. All right. All right. I don't want to...

All right. All right. Don't talk. Don't talk. Just bury your head. Yeah, that's right. Pilot. Sam. Yeah? What time is it? Five. The radio? What's the news? Tried it a hundred times. It's dead as... as... We're going to be... Don't listen to what we're talking about, Bob. Just try... Not to think. Sam? Yeah? How long have we been... In an hour. Seems like a million, but the watch says only an hour. Mark. Mark, listen. Mark, I'm talking to you. I'm hanging. Here.

I wish I was like he is. Yeah. So scared he can't see or hear or think. Look. He's gone to sleep. Bob. Yeah. Wore himself out crying. Funny, huh? Nothing's funny.

I guess not. But I got funny thoughts in my head. What? A minute ago... I was thinking about when I was a kid. You want to hear about when I was a kid? Why not? Bob here and all the rest of the publicity guys who wrote, um, written. So much junk about me being the only daughter of, you know, poor but respectable small-town people that...

I almost got to thinking it was true. Yeah. Would you believe it? I paid some wise guy over on Sunset Boulevard a thousand bucks for a coat of arms of the family to hang up in the hall. You know, one of those fancy shields with lions crawling all over it and things? Should have had a couple of beer bottles on it instead of lions. You know? You wanna know my real name? Oh, what's the difference? Beer bottles.

Yeah, beer bottles and the smell of the laundry coming up the air shaft and a lot of dirt. That's what I remember from when I was a kid. Sam? Yeah. I just wanted to hear you talk. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. I was thinking of something funny about when I was a kid. When it was hot at night, I used to lie on my back on the roof, look up at the clouds, and make off. I was just sort of... Hanging in the air. Honest, Sam, I want that. Funny now, huh? Gravity.

What? Did I say something? You said gravity. Why? Well, I was thinking... What? Well, Gravely's pulling us down. Well? Well, I was thinking of, well, what's pulling us up? There aren't any answers. No? No. No answers. When I was that kid... How to get along. How to get out of that smell and dirt. Real answers. They took me a long way. 5,000 a week. Five-year contract, no options. I did all right with my answers. But here's one answer I haven't got. Because they're...

isn't any answer. Maybe there is. Yeah? Yeah. You listen to me. Supposing I listen to you? Oh, I... I don't know how to talk. You just go ahead. For a whole hour, I've been trying to figure things out. So? Well, there isn't any real answer. I mean, that adds up like a column of figures on a slide roll when you're... You're trying to figure out the stress in a wing. Nothing like that, but... Kind of screwy ideas coming to me. Why talk about it? Go on.

I'm just a bozo. Ever since I've been able to stand on my own feet, everything's got to be able to add up, or it just doesn't mean anything to me. But when I was a kid... Well? When I was a kid, I really had the... Well, like you said, the poor but respectable parents. You know the kind. They... They believed in somebody up there and somebody down below and good and evil and all the rest of it. Funny. You thinking about when you were a kid and me thinking the same thing.

hmm you said you had the answers yeah it's like this I heard the three of you talking all the way from the coast of Chicago and now back again. Talking about nothing but yourselves. Each one of you. And nothing meaning anything but yourselves. If we weren't like this up here, I know I wouldn't be able to say this, but... Why not say it? You.

You making more money in a week than the average guy with a family splits out his insides for in a year. But instead of the money making you understand anything, it's made you understand less than a blind kid walking in the dark. Everything's for you. The world's just a big movie screen. Everybody's in it just to sit up and look at you. Everything's for you. Even when they're dead, they're for you.

Yeah, I heard. Somebody wrote a book and you bought it and made a picture out of it. And maybe it was an honest book, but you didn't buy it to be honest. You bought it to make dough. So the kid blew his brains out. And even dead he couldn't get away from you. Yeah. You were gonna use his dead body to make you even more money. Yeah, dead or alive, nothing means anything to you. There's no world but...

But your screwy world and everybody all over the world can crawl in the ground and hiding from bombs, can be starved and watch the kids starve and die on barbed wire fighting for something they don't know much about and drown in the sea. And it don't mean anything to you. None of it! Just as long as each one of you can hold on to what you've got. Yeah, the three of you. Acting as if you weren't made of the same flesh and bone as the rest of us.

As if making a lot of money and seeing your name in the paper a lot and getting a lot of applause took you right off the earth. Well, maybe something or... Somebody... decided you weren't fit for the Earth. Maybe. Maybe. You... You crying? No. You asked me. I told you. I was in a picture once. The girl got in a jam. She didn't know how to pray, but she just started to pray. That was in a picture.

This is real, isn't it? Yeah. If anybody told me a couple hours ago that all this Mark sitting there out of his head... Bob, me sitting here listening to the kind of things you said. You asked me. I told you. Yeah. You told me.

It was a lousy trick wasn't it? What? About that kid who died. I'm sorry about that. Just thinking about it. I'm sorry. The engine! We've started again! Where did I have? I've got to get to the cockpit! Bob, we're moving again. Mark! Bob! It's all right. Everything's all right. Mark. Mark. Bob, wake up. Snap out of it. Do you hear? Everything's all right.

All right. So... So it's settled. All right. Sure it's settled. I know my publicity. A thing like this isn't good, it's bad. I'm not arguing with you, all right? Spread a screwy thing like this and every reporter in the country would hold his nose. It's too screwy, that's all. Oh, for heaven's sake, will you stop talking about it? Last hour, my head started to go around. It's forgotten.

Finished. So whatever it was, we'll forget it. Wait, the pilot? Did you talk to him? Sure, sure. He won't talk. He wants to eat, don't he? He won't talk. You got everything fixed, huh? Well, the prima donna's talking again. Now look, lona darling, you understand? Nobody's going to know about this like Bob says. Crazy publicity is bad publicity. This was crazy, wasn't it?

I'll see. Look, we're over the airport. Good, good. Drink! Do I need a drink? A bathtub full. I'm gonna swim in it. Terrible experience. Terrible. But all's well that ends well. Hey, Lona? Terrible experience, but now finished. Everything's the same as before. Hey, Lona? Everything is just the same. I wonder. NC-19 coming in. NC-19 coming in. Hello, Joe. Yeah, had a little trouble a while back. Yeah, uh, engine trouble. Yeah, everything's back to normal now. Yeah, everybody okay. Everything...

Just the same. I wonder. You have just heard Miss Pat Rosebank and Mr. Timothy Burns with Larry Jurist as Mark and Trevor Rhines as Bob in Special to Hollywood. Written by Arch Obler. and directed by pat rosebank the original music was composed by gordon jenkins and the orchestra was conducted by jack meakin sound engineer larry groby and your announcer paul rbc This is Project Audion. That's all for this audio journey with Project Audion.

Once again, our cast and crew was Pat Rosebank in Toronto, Canada, Tim Burns in Kansas, Larry Jurist in Florida, Trevor Rhines in Canada, and Paul Arbisi in Illinois. Pat Rosebank was your director, while Larry Groby handled the sound and production. You are now free to move about the cabin. We know you have a choice in listening to audio drama, and we're pleased you selected Project Audion for your journey today. We hope you'll share this show with friends and family.

and whatever your final destination is in life. Have a safe journey, and thanks for listening.